The Sweetest Addiction
by Maddie Grey
Summary: Dear Jacob there are a million things I want to tell you. I think I'm in love with you. I think you're messed up but so am I. And lastly I feel compelled to protect you from everything. Even yourself. Jake & Edward. AH. Slash.
1. Tingly

AN: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer! This story includes slash so if you don't like it please don't read or flame just for that purpose. The main ship is Jake/Edward, the story will told from both of their points of view. I also will include Leah/Jake, one-sided Bella/Edward and Jasper/Alice. This is only the first chapter and I'm not sure if I will continue it, feedback is love so if you like it even a little bit **please review**. - Maddie

Chapter 1- Tingly

--Edward--

Right after the game I stepped into the locker room. The other boys had cleared out but Jacob was still in there. I swallowed, as I got ready to call out his name. The shower was on, and steam drifted from the back. My converse's slipped on the floor. I lunged for an open locker before I fell on my ass. My heart was thumping and my palms were clammy. I was nervous. I woke up this morning with an objective.

Tell Jacob Black that you're in love with him.

I figured that I owed myself that much before I _read _into another joke courtesy of Jacob about him fucking me or going down on me.

I wanted to confide in my twin sister Alice about my confusion but I couldn't. I knew she would understand, and she wouldn't think I was weird or changed in anyway, she would just accept me. But for some reason I had kept it all inside. It was easy enough because women were attracted to me, and if I wanted too I could play the game. I could date a girl, fuck her, and pretend that I was in love, but I didn't have the heart to be an asshole. I didn't want to hurt anyone because I knew what I wanted. I wanted a _man_.

And I had never wanted anyone more than Jacob Black. As I drew closer to the steam I flashed back to the first moment our eyes had met. Carlisle and Esme had driven Alice and I up to the University of Maryland: College Park from Savannah, Georgia because cars weren't allowed on campus. I had been nervous as hell because all I could think about was the passage that was college and adulthood.

I wasn't in high school anymore. I would be living in a dorm with guys and I could possibly meet a guy just like me. And then as I usually did I started dreaming about my first relationship. I got carried away with the thought of finally meeting the one. I was a romantic at heart, but everyone besides Alice would swear up and down that I was too good for everyone. In fact in high school I had landed this corny ass list by the senior girls about the most desirable lay. The list came out three times senior year and every time I was number one.

When I was moving my boxes in I ran into Jacob Black and his sisters Rachel and Rebecca. Jacob was arguing with one of them about something and then he turned around and ran into me. He apologized kindly and offered to help me carry the rest of my boxes. I was surprised. But then he explained that he was just looking for a reason to get away from Rachel.

We talked and I couldn't take my eyes off of his. I felt like a freak because I caught myself trying to stare deep into his soul. His eyes were deep brown, and he had this perfect smile. Slightly cocky, but yet like there was something else there. It turned out that we were living together. In my mind that meant something. Out of all the people I could have run into me. It had to be _Jacob Black_.

Three months later here I was. Not the picture of cool that other people would paint me out to be. I gave off this vibe of being untouchable, but when it came to Jacob Black I felt like a mess. I watched him when he undressed. I tried to do it secretly because I wasn't sure if he was into me, which was why I was _here_.

I heard the shower turn off.

I stopped for a second and considered turning around. But I didn't. Even if this lovelorn version of myself was alien to me I wasn't going to back down. I was going to tell Jacob that I liked him. I would worry about his girlfriend Leah Clearwater later. They were broken up anyways.

I took in a deep breath and attempted to remind myself _why_ I was doing this.

Jacob and Leah had been on and off this whole semester and it looked like it was sticking thus far. Three days was a record for them. Jacob, was probably the only other guy on my floor that consumed nearly all the other girls attention. Surely when the vultures found out he was on the market again they would start swarming.

I could picture them beating their chests ferociously, pulling out their competitions hair, and jumping over carcasses to claim him. While I preferred to stake my claim in a more civilized fashion I did want to fight for him if there was even the slightest chance.

My heart ached as I started to walk again. I closed my eyes and thought about the notes I had prepared for a song I wrote for him. I wasn't obsessed. I was just poetic, lonely, and a little tortured. I guess that was why women were so attracted to me. I came off like this bad boy that was all fuck the world, I've fucked at least 100 women, and I eat my food with my hands but hell I still look beautiful.

_Beautiful_.

Women on the street told me that all the time. They literally stopped me. I guess I never put much stock into what they said because I never had anyone like _Jacob_ tell me that. I rounded the corner and I saw him standing there, perfectly naked. Jacob was using his towel to wipe the stray beads of water from his ripped arms, those sexy legs, and finally that cock. _Damn_ he was big down there.

I had never wanted anyone to fuck or love me so bad.

When Jacob saw me his lips twisted into his signature cocky smile. He draped the towel around his shoulders and took a step closer.

"Edward what are you doing seeking me out?" He licked his lips.

"I wasn't man." My heart raced. I swung my arm back to run my hands through my tasseled chestnut hair.

"How did I look out there on the field?"

"You looked good Jake,"

"Were you watching my ass?"

I laughed nervously.

"You were Edward." He swatted me with his hands. "That's alright though. My ass is perfection."

"Your ego is atrocious."

His eyebrows furrowed and he tossed his towel at me. "You okay?"

"I…" I placed my hand to my lips. It was best to probably just get it over with. Play it cool. I could do cool.

Jake grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me to him. "I've been noticing something about you Cullen."

I reached for his hands and tried to pull them from around my shirt. Jake's grip tightened. He swung me around and my back collided with the wall. I winced. I wasn't sure why I let him swing me around like a bitch, anyone else I might've pushed away.

"What?" I asked through a rush of air.

"You've been acting all different since I broke up with Leah."

"You need your space." I spoke up quickly. I don't know where the fuck that came from. My damn heart was in my throat. I closed my eyes as I felt my cock rise against the tight fabric of my Abercrombie boxers. Jacob noticed it too.

His eyes grew darker. They weren't menacing in the least but instead consumed with passion. I felt his breath rush across my lips. God I wanted him to kiss me. Jacob pressed his knee in between my legs. Trapping me. I could feel his muscles and his dick. He was getting hard now too.

"What took you so long Cullen?" Jacob asked.

I found the courage to throw the question back at him. "What took you Black?"

"A lot of things," He leaned forward and whispered into my ear. "Every night before I went to bed I jerked off thinking about fucking your tight little ass."

Now I reached out for him. My hands slipped down his tan skin until I was holding onto his waist.

"Didn't you hear me at night?"

"_No_,"

"And I imagined jizzing all over that beautiful face of yours. Suck my dick Edward."

I had planned on this going differently. I wanted to have sex with him. But then again I didn't want this to just be about _sex_. As I stared into Jacob's eyes I was overcome with a dialogue of unshared words. How he was looking at me wasn't like I was just the main course at some cheap buffet, but instead like he could keep me for a while.

I wouldn't object. I dropped down on my knees and kissed his shaft.

He placed his hand underneath my chin. "Have you ever given head before baby boy?"

I nodded even though I hadn't.

***

I opened my eyes smiling. _Fuck_. It was just a dream.

I pulled my hands out of my pants and then sat up.

"Edward!"

What the fuck! I jumped at least ten feet in the air knocking all my textbooks onto the floor. A few yards away was my twin sister Alice. Her golden brown orbs were mischievously fixed on me she was smiling.

"Alice," I sighed.

She ruffled my hair and hopped onto the bed beside me.

"You could call and let me know that you're stopping by." I yawned tiredly. "At least give me a heads up before you start screaming in my ear."

"Oh whatever Edward you were already waking up." She waved her hand. "_So_,"

I picked up my schoolbooks and glanced over at Jacob's side of the room. For the first two months of school he had spent most of his time at Leah's but now that they were done, he was here more often.

I liked having him around. Aside from obviously being the guy I was interested in. I also liked getting to know him. Jacob was complicated. He was more than a pretty face. I went over to Jake's computer, mine was conveniently broken, during finals of course, so he let me use his.

"Um Edward?" Alice reached in her gigantic purse and tossed me a small bottle of hand sanitizing gel. "I don't think Jake wants those filthy hands all over his keyboard."

My cheeks crept with scarlet. "Doors are for knocking."

"Hello I'm Alice Cullen normal rules don't apply to me."

"Right because you're so darn cute." I wrinkled my nose with an edge of sarcasm.

"By the way I'm getting requests from all over to pimp you out. Just today Julie down the hall…Julie with the high forehead, beaver teeth, and cameltoe…I don't know why she insists on wearing tights with nothing else, she asked about you. Right outside McKeldin three other girls approached me. Edward it's happening all over again. Even in college your desired real estate."

"Alice," I said dryly. I tossed the gel back towards her. "I'm putting my feet down you can't pimp me out here either."

"I wasn't."

"Seriously Alice,"

Her eyes grew wide, "But Edward,"

"No,"

She sighed heavily. I narrowed my eyes at her and a smile appeared on my face. "I'm happy I swear. You don't have to try and marry me off just because you think I'm lonely."

"You are the _king_ of lonely. I've seen you walking around campus looking all brooding and dark." She pointed at me accusingly.

I laughed. "So what. Girls actually like that."

"Well duh, if they didn't they wouldn't be asking me to slip them your number for five dollars."

I arched an eyebrow. "The masses are paying for my number now?"

"Yes, and tomorrow it's going to be offering their first born child."

"Oh god," I sighed. I tilted my head backwards and relaxed in Jake's swivel chair. When I first moved into our dorm I realized that everything I had was so much nicer than Jake's. I was only bothered because I wanted to fit in. Back home in Savannah, Alice and I were the rich kids at school, we tried to be normal, but no one could forget that Carlisle Cullen was our father.

Here I just wanted to be Edward Cullen, one in 36,000. I smiled at the thought of how I sneakily got rid of everything that seemed a little too high-class for an eighteen year old at college. My mom made sure Alice and I had the best, and it wasn't because she was into superficial things, she just wanted to make sure going away was as comfortable as possible.

My eyes quickly wandered over Jacob's pictures. He had one of his father. Billy Black passed away in a bad car accident, Jake didn't talk about him much. And one of his sisters with him. Rebecca was short and looked the most like Jacob. She was never around because she traveled. Rachel was taller, and Jake told me that she looked like their mom. Jake _never_ talked to me about his mom at all.

Over here smelled like Jacob. Sweat, sandalwood, and pumpkin spice. He had candles over by his computer, purposely placed to disguise the smell of 'boy too lazy to do his laundry.' One time I had walked in on him sitting in this chair butt naked. He was always hot. Jacob claimed his body didn't run the same temperature as everyone else's did.

I think he just liked to be naked.

Alice stood up and went to the mini-fridge. She grabbed a Dr. Pepper. "My roommate Bella and I are going to catch a movie at the theater in Stamp, wanna come."

"Not really."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Fine," She grabbed her purse. "By the way Bella also likes you."

I nodded uninterested. "Okay?"

"Edward," Alice stared back at me seriously.

"Alice I don't know what you want from me?"

"I want you…" she frowned and then looked away, "I want you to remember who I am. I'm Alice, the sister you used to play Barbies with."

"I was Ken."

"Ken _is _a Barbie. And don't think I didn't see you braiding Barbie's hair when I pretended to be sleep." Alice bit her lip as she smiled softly. "I'm not trying to give you a hard time you know that." She glided across the floor towards me in her typical ballet manner and gave me a hug. "I'm here. You can talk to me."

"I know Alice, but I don't talk. You talk and I listen we have a code written in stone and Barbies." I rubbed her back and leaned away.

"But still consider? If you change your mind feel free to give me a call on me cellie."

"Batteries dead."

"You're so anti-social." Alice said just before opening the door. She collided into Jake. He was shirtless. I guess he was running _hot_ again. Sweat was visible in a thin sheen on his sculpted body and his red shorts were low enough to see his line of black pubic hair.

I did my best not to stare at him in lust. Jake knew that he was sexy and he took advantage of that.

"Jake," Alice giggled, "Woah losing your pants there."

Jake shrugged carelessly, "Alice you're the first person that complained all day."

"Probably because I'm the only girl on this floor not into you." She tilted her head to the side. "See you later Jake."

"Adios Tinkerbell."

Alice hit him because she hated that nickname. Jake closed the door behind him and let out a heavy sigh before resting his back against the door. His gym bag fell to the floor.

"She's killing me." He groaned.

"Who?" I asked sitting up. I felt like cotton was in my mouth because it was so dry.

"I need a beer." Jake crossed the room to the mini-fridge. He bent down. My eyes narrowed on his ass. His ass were perfection like the rest of him. "You need a beer Cullen,"

"Sure,"

Jake tossed a beer in my direction. He opened his and chugged down half the bottle. "Half, see."

We had a rule. Jake asked me to take him seriously with it too. His father started drinking heavily after the death of his mom, and Jake and Rachel were the ones that took care of him. So Jake asked me to stop him at half every time he started drinking. I remember asking him if it would be easier to just not drink at all. But he said he needed the juice to take some of the edge off.

I opened my can of beer but didn't drink any. "So what's up."

He crossed the room towards me. I stared into his eyes. I wished that I had the unfathomable courage that I had in the dream. But here I didn't. Like a child Jacob sat down in front of me Indian Style. I was almost compelled to give his swivel chair back but he touched my leg and shook his head no.

"I saw her with some ugly ass guy. Leah." Jacob's face tightened. "His hands were all over her and she was letting him touch her like a slut."

I listened with difficulty. I had nothing against Leah Clearwater, but I wasn't bothered by Jake calling her a slut either. What bothered me was the look in his eyes when he talked about her. He used to tell me that Leah and him were high-school sweethearts, they were just sex and arguments, hot and heavy, but never emotional. But I could see in his eyes that he still loved her. I should be okay with that because Jake and Leah were actually intimate. All I was to him was an ear to listen to, a friend. A _straight_ friend.

"Cullen I think we're going to have to break the rule tonight." Since his beer was across the room he reached for mine.

I grabbed his hand firmly. Jake's thick eyebrows furrowed.

"Dude, it's just one."

"Dude, you asked me to look out for you." I was in love with this guy and he didn't have the slightest clue. No one did. Only after Jake released his grip on the can did I let go. "So she was with some guy?" I pressed on as his _friend_.

Jake scoffed. "He was ugly as shit too. His whole damn mouth was messed up. His teeth were like a raptors." Jake spread his arms and pretended to fly.

I laughed though my stomach ached. "But you guys are _done_."

Jake gave me a cutting look.

I should probably soften my approach. I looked down at the top of his full head of black hair. If only I could get down on the ground with him and wrap him tightly in my arms. Too bad I couldn't. "Sounds like she is moving on."

Jake stood up he went over to his closet, dropped his pants and tied a towel around his waist. Without another word he slipped outside. I chewed on my thumb. I had said all the wrong things. Leah was obviously trying to make him jealous, but I was trying to make him move on. I felt like an _ass_.

****E****

Jacob returned about an hour later. He didn't look at me until he was dressed and then he took a seat on the edge of his bed. "What do you want for dinner. Stamp? Adele's, you treated me last time, I got you, or the poor man's choice Mikey D's." Jake cracked a hopeful smile.

I looked up from the paper I was typing . I was surprised that he was talking to me because after suggesting that Leah moved on, he looked at me like I was Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech.

"Mid-terms are coming up and I'm nearly failing all my classes. Rachel will kill me if I get kicked out of here and my athletic scholarship can only do so much." Jacob smiled softly and looked down. "I'm just going to think that Leah did move on so I can get on with my life."

I wisely said nothing.

"We're going with Taco Bell," He substituted.

"I don't remember Taco Bell being an option?" I teased. I stood up and walked over to him. "I'm sorry if I came off harsh."

"Nah," Jacob rubbed his hands together, "I can always depend on you to tell me like it is Cullen." Jacob's eyes narrowed. "So how is it?"

"How is…"

"You Cullen. How are you? I've been talking about me so much that I forgot to ask how you were."

That was a strange question coming from Jake. I sat down on my bed across from him and pressed my back against the wall. "I'm okay."

Jacob looked down and clasped his hands. "You know you can talk to me about anything right?"

"Err…thanks Jake?"

"Anything because I've told you things that Leah doesn't even know, and I guess she'll never know." He sighed heavily. "So Taco Bell?"

"You seem determined on it. _Sure_,"

I watched as he grabbed his jacket and slipped it on over his black shirt. He was going riding on his motorcycle. Sometimes he told me he went riding to clear his mind, and one time he even joked that one time he might go and never come back.

I hoped that he didn't do that tonight because he needed someone to take care of him no matter how strong and tough he thought he was. If he left I would probably follow him, just to keep him safe.

--Edward--

AN: So what did you think? Remember please **REVIEW** if you want to see this story continue, because honestly if there isn't enough interest I won't continue it. But just in case I'll thank everyone that at least read it all and gave it a shot!


	2. Wanting

**AN**: 16 reviews! Thank you so much everyone. Due to everyone's sweet comments and support I am going to continue this story. I prepared another chapter for ya'll, and I hope that it doesn't disappoint. Jacob and Edward are going to be on a slow burn in this story, but not slow enough to make you fall asleep and lose interest. I'm going for Epic. Thanks again everyone who took the time to **review**. It means the world and I'll answer all questions at the end of this chapter. –Maddie.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not Edward, Jacob, snuggies or _There's Something about Mary _;)

Chapter 2- Wanting

--Edward--

I was _frustratingly_ horny.

Jacob had been gone for an hour but hunger was no longer an issue somehow. I worried about him out there on that motorcycle and it didn't help matters that it was raining heavily and windy outside. I swallowed as I attempted for the 5th time in the last hour to focus on the art project in front of me. Out of all my classes this art one was the easiest. All I had to do was use colors to explain my emotions. 5 emotions, five colors.

I bowed my head thoughtfully as I stared down at the red glob of water based paint. Red was passion. I licked my lips. Did I really want to share my inner most thoughts with my professor? Even if the images were disguised in abstract drawings or lines open for interpretation.

The answer was _no_ but I really couldn't bullshit here. The only other emotion red could symbolize for me was anger, and I wasn't angry. I dipped my brush in the red paint and I drew a cock. I _wasn't _turning this in. I figured that I would just play around a little bit to get the juices flowing. Eventually that would inspire me to finish the simple midterm or at least I hoped it would.

The cock was elaborated upon until it became Jacob's body. His abs, perfect enough to lick the sweat off of, his arms ripped and pulsing, and that ass of his. A few moments later I reclined back in my chair and considered jerking off. I would if I didn't think Jacob would come through the door any second.

No. I should probably behave.

My cheeks warmed as I dipped my paintbrush back in the red paint and blotted the drawing of Jacob out. My attraction for Jacob made me feel a little uneasy because I was used to being in control. I was the king of control. But he messed me up, made me hold my breath whenever he came into the room, and we fucking lived together. I had always felt like a piece of me was missing, that piece being love, but with Jacob, I felt like I was missing more than a piece. My heart had his name pathetically stamped across it.

"God Edward," I mumbled to myself. "Get your _shit _together."

The silence in Cambridge Hall permeated through my room. It was Thursday so half of my floor was gone celebrating the end of the week at parties. I reached for a pencil and tapped it against the edge of my desk. Maybe if I went out and got some air I could get my mind off of Jacob.

I heard some girls scream outside by the parking lot.

"God my tits are so cold!"

"Well Christy you should've worn a jacket. It's fucking October."

_Drunk girls_.

I closed my window so I wouldn't have to hear anything else about Christy's frigid tits. When I went back to my seat I was distracted by Jacob's AIM. The sound was annoying so I pulled myself up to lower the volume.

I made the mistake of reading the message. It was from Leah. Her screen name was One of the Boys 17. I frowned. What the fuck did she want? _Shit_. She didn't do anything to me besides make Jacob feel like shit occasionally. Leah asked him what he was up to. I turned down the volume but my hand lingered on the mouse.

_Evil Edward_ was in control not me. I closed the AIM screen.

For a few bitter moments guilt set in. I backed away from his computer and went back to mine. Even though I knew all the reasons why Leah wasn't right for Jacob I found myself rationalizing why Jacob thought she was right for him. Maybe I was missing something and jumping the gun because of my feelings.

Thinking about Leah and Jacob was making me insanely masochistic.

Man I would rather be horny than all dark and twisty, wanting to protect Jacob from a monster, a monster that would probably end up being me in the long run. I chewed on my fingernails as I thought things through. Leah and Jake would probably find there way back to each other again, and what would I do?

I imagined that I would have to give up?

I massaged my temples. I was putting too much thought into this. And even worse I firmly believed I was going crazy. My mind was on Jacob TV 24/7. In the morning he woke me up to his alarm song 'Dizzy' by the Goo Goo Dolls, and then he _stretched_. How could I not notice when a scantily clad Jacob Black was doing sweaty curl ups and push-ups, within view of me.

If Jacob wasn't such an exhibitionist I would assume that he was trying to _seduce_ me. But with him I could never tell. Jacob was far too complex to try and understand by a few flirtatious actions. I glanced over my shoulder at the door. I really needed to slow my mind down and the only remedy for that was too jerk it out.

Thank god I _wasn't_ at home anymore. Back home in Savannah I chose to turn the attic into my room. I liked the spacious quality up there, the view of the boats bobbing in the ocean and lastly the separation. I loved my family, but all my life I had felt like the black sheep. The title was self-inflicted.

Alice was always happy or at least it seemed that way. She was open and I was closed. My mom Esme was the ideal soccer mom. She was very involved in both Alice and my life. And my father Carlisle somehow managed to save lives left and right and return home unstressed, relaxed, and fatherly.

My reason for not wanting to be home now had nothing to do with my parents though, but entirely with Alice. She didn't understand the meaning of the word _privacy_. The attic had no locks so often I would secretly scope her out to see what she was doing, and how long it would take her. Romantic movies and novels brought me two hours tops. Trying on clothes and cooking dinner was dangerous territory though because Alice always wanted me to get involved. At least I wouldn't have to worry about prancing footsteps and a sing song "Edward I'm coming up hide the porn"

I glanced at the door and waited for a few heated seconds before I slipped my hands into my pants. I rolled my cock around with the palm of my hand trying to get hard. Thinking about Jacob helped me get there faster. I thought about his big dick, his eyes and enigmatic smile. I knew Jacob was rough in bed. He had to be with the way he barreled into guys on the football field.

He was so damn sexy.

I breathed in and out raggedly as I closed my eyes and visualized us together. I ignored the voices in my head that told me that all this fantasizing would lead to nothing but heartbreak. I always wanted what I couldn't have. Forbidden fruit sparkled like _diamonds in the sun_ to me and Jake was my forbidden fruit.

My cold fingertips caressed my balls and then I wrapped my hand around my dick. In my dreams Jacob was _always_ fucking me. In the past I had only dreamt about being fucked once or twice. I was the dominant one and some other guy was taking it from me. My cock pulsed with white heat as I thought about Jacob sliding into me.

_He and Leah are going to get married_.

Fuck why was my mind trying to sabotage this.

I ignored the truthful voices in my head and concentrated even harder on my fantasy. Jake was grabbing my ass and pounding me harder. His hands were all over me, he was so fucking hot, and he was tugging at my hair. I grunted his name aloud, "Jake,"

I heard a knock on the door.

I couldn't stop because I had already reached my climax. Jacob came inside me…in my dream there was nothing between us. Just skin, heat, and passion. Sperm ejaculated everywhere.

"Hey Jake are you there? It's Leah."

"Fuck," My eyes widened. I jumped up. Clumsily I fell to the floor. _Leah was outside my door_. What the fuck was she doing out there.

"Jake I hear you in there…or is that Edward. Open up."

Fuck! I had cum all over my shirt and jeans. I didn't have enough time to change, but then again I couldn't answer the door looking like 'Edward the horny cum monster'

It was embarrassing but I was going to have to do it.

Last Christmas Alice got me a _snuggie_ as a joke. We used to always make fun of people wearing it on television, especially when out in public. No one fucking did that. I slid it on. Uggh. It was warm and cozy but I felt like the biggest idiot ever. I felt like a _monk_.

I opened the door for Leah. She wasn't alone. She was with her roommate Cynthia. Cynthia was big, blonde, and only said a few words. Mostly she just glared at people and popped her gum. Cynthia looked at me and then pulled out her phone, she took a picture.

My cheeks burned. "Why did you do that?"

Leah placed her hand to her mouth. Even though I wasn't into chicks I had to admit that she was beautiful. Jacob could love her alone on an entirely superficial level. Leah had a natural sun kissed complexion. Her dark eyes read that she meant business but there was a softness behind them. "Err Edward." She pointed to her hair, "You got a little _There's Something about Mary_ going on up there."

I tried to remain cool. Calm and collected. Just great I had cum in my hair. Cum and a snuggie. _Perfect_.

I looked at Cynthia. She was popping her gum like a camel and smirking amused. I wanted to take her camera phone and smash it into a million pieces. I was angry now. Since my secret was already out there I decided that there was no use in hiding it.

"Yeah Leah I was a little busy."

She chuckled politely. The metallic silver earrings she wore in her ears jingled with every movement of her head. Leah didn't look like one of the boys. One night Jacob told me that she used to wear his clothes. She wasn't in to fashion. But with college came opportunity and according to Jacob, Leah, went from Michelle Rodriguez to Megan Fox, to show him that she was desired.

"I'm sorry Edward." Leah apologized. "I really need to talk to Jake. I tried calling him on his cell but he won't pick up. He's being a drama queen."

Cynthia grunted.

My eyes shifted to her. What was she even doing here?

"Do you think I could use your cell to call him?" Leah asked. "He'll pick up for you."

"Of course he would." Cynthia barked. "You can do so much better than him Leah."

Now I was glaring at Cynthia. Who was she to judge Jacob? She didn't even know him.

"Please with cherries on top." Leah pleaded with clasped hands.

"Cherries and nasty cum hair." Cynthia snipped.

"Look _bitch_," I said. Oh shit. That kind of slipped. I guess I was on edge because Leah was at my door, and Cynthia's amazon ass was trying to rip Jacob to shreds.

"Who are you calling a bitch? _Bitch_." Cynthia boomed. She lunged out for me.

I wasn't about to hit a girl even if Cynthia was bigger than me.

All of a sudden I saw Leah turn into the spitfire that Jacob had given her notoriety for. She whirled around and roughly pushed Cynthia back. Leah was a small girl but she was tough because Cynthia went slamming into the door.

"Jacob's already pissed at me! The last thing I need is you picking fights with his roommate Rosie O' Donnell!"

Cynthia appeared to be incredibly offended.

Leah's sneer turned into a sweet smile in seconds.

_Damn she didn't play_.

"I'm going to talk to Edward alone okay." Leah had a softer edge in her voice. Without asking to come in the room or saying goodbye to Cynthia she stepped inside and closed the door. "I'm sorry for the rogue attack." Leah clicked her tongue. "Um I…could you please clean the cum out of your hair."

My cheeks burned with fire. "I can but Leah you're in my dorm room."

"I know," She took a seat on the edge of Jacob's bed. Leah quickly stood up with wide eyes and started to sniff around frantically. She then threw back the sheets and groaned. Jacob had his sweaty practice clothes heaped underneath his comforter. "So that's what was smelling like musty balls over here."

I was inappropriately turned on by the thought of Jake's musty balls. _His balls in my mouth_.

"Uggh," Leah threw the clothes into Jacob's overflowing laundry basket. "So how are you doing Edward?"

I offered her a polite smile as I reached for some Kleenex tissues. "You didn't come here for small talk with me Leah."

Her mouth dropped and she grinned widely. "Maybe I did Edward Cullen."

"Don't flatter me. You _didn't_."

"You're Jacob's confidant here." Leah stated. "He has no one to go to at home because Embry and Quil are taking _my_ side. And Seth will get on Team Leah too if he knows what's good for him."

I knew that Embry and Quil were two of Jacob's best-friends. They lived not to far away from here in Ellicott City. And Seth was Leah's little brother. Jacob always described Seth as a good kid.

Leah trailed her hands through her silky raven hair as if it annoyed her. She looked at me opened her mouth and then her lips thinned. Obviously she wanted to say something. If we weren't both on Team Jacob then I would ask her to come out with it already. But _nah_ I didn't really want to hear what she had to say. "Jake talks to you about things." Leah said quietly. "He trusts you." She cleared her throat and raised her voice.

I stopped staring off into space and gave Leah my undivided attention. She appeared to be saddened by that comment. By the shaky tone of her voice I could tell that she was troubled by Jacob's treatment of me. I shifted in my bed. Besides innocent flirting and joking that we should move to Massachusetts and get married I never got anything concrete from Jacob. He liked to joke. He was always joking and Leah should know that better than anyone.

"Jacob's been stressed this whole weekend. Rachel is getting married soon, Rebecca is leaving again, and he's failing. Jake is a smart kind but sometimes he tries to take on to much." Leah met my eyes, "I know we don't talk Edward but somehow you manage to get through to him. The only other person that can do that is Seth." Her expression darkened. "He calls you Sunny." She rolled her eyes.

"_Sunny_?" Me brooding Edward Cullen sunny? I wondered if Jacob was just saying that to get to her. But he could use anyone else to get to Leah.

"He never explained why he calls you that." Leah shrugged pretending not to care. "Jake's like that sometimes. He comes up with nicknames and doesn't explain them." She waved her hand as if the conversation was suddenly irrelevant. "But how is he? I care about him even if I don't want too."

The heater kicked on. Since Jacob wasn't in the room I kept the room toasty. I was always cold unlike him. Wisps of Leah's dark hair floated around her face. She was staring at me waiting for an answer to a question I hadn't heard. Leah shrugged off her jacket making herself comfortable. I honestly couldn't say that I _hated_ having her here. The way she talked about Jacob and I made it seem like we were closer that we actually were. Like I actually stood some chance with Jacob and deep down she had considered that.

"Edward," Leah repeated.

"Yeah?"

"How is he?"

I found it odd that Leah was confiding in _me_. She was trying to reach out to Jacob via the friendship I shared with him. If Jacob was calling me sunny to her I wondered what else he was saying about me. My heart fluttered at the thought of Jacob's full lips saying my name when I wasn't around. Leah's furrowed eyebrows and slightly impatient stare disturbed my thoughts.

"He is stressed." I answered finally.

Leah looked down. "He does that to himself you know. Work his ass off in football because of the scholarship and put off his school work until it's become too much."

As she expressed her frustrations over Jacob's stress management I saw how much she truly cared about him. I still didn't think Leah and Jacob were right for each other but I didn't want him to flunk out. I needed him here and if that meant jumping ship and encouraging Leah to at least apologize to Jake then so be it.

I would have to grit my teeth when asking her to apologize to Jacob. But this wasn't for me. It was for him so I had to be selfless. "You should talk…"

Before I could get the damned words out Jacob stepped inside dripping wet and holding a bag of food from Popeye's. He looked at Leah and then me. Jacob only looked at her once. I could tell that he wasn't going to make it easy for her to get back in his good graces

Leah stood up. She was at least 5'4 compared to Jake's towering 6'3 frame. She looked like a little girl standing there in front of him. Leah walked towards Jacob but he breezed past her. He placed down the bag on my desk and approached me with open arms

_He was going to hug me_. I would've loved that if Leah wasn't sharpening her pickaxe in the background.

"Edward!" Jacob gave me his easy going sexy smile and wrapped me up in his arms. He was being such an ass to Leah but I didn't really care about her. I cared about him and me and I didn't want to be in the middle of the Jacob and Leah Bermuda triangle.

I smiled awkwardly as I fought the urge to settle into the safety of his arms. When he hugged me I felt like our bodies molded into one. A little too perfectly.

"Hey," he hugged me tighter.

Jake was wet. He was holding me so close to him that his dampness was seeping through my snuggie. "Where are you going with your Harry Potter robe?"

I blushed forgetting about Leah for a second

She was not one to be ignored however because she stormed up to Jacob and pushed him. He stumbled into me. I gripped onto his strong arms by instinct to catch him if he fell. Leah could take down the Empire State building if she wanted too.

"Leah I only have enough food for two." Jacob winked at me. His back was still staunchly turned to her. I could tell that he had a lot of things he wanted to say to her when he was ready. But now wasn't the time judging by the way he was staring into my eyes as if it was just us in the room. I played his game if that's what he needed to get Leah out of his head.

"Hello to you too _dick_," she growled. "You can talk to me you know."

"Actually I can't." Jacob answered smartly. "Where's that guy you were making out with earlier?"

"Were you riding with your helmet?" Leah asked pushing him. She ignored his insult.

I frowned. She had a horrible way of showing him she cared.

Jacob turned his back on her again. I didn't want to see them fight and make-up so I eased off the snuggie, grabbed a towel and my shower supplies and headed for the bathroom. When I was alone with Leah she didn't bother me as much. But seeing her with Jacob drove me up a wall. _All they did was fight_. I thought back to when Leah had said that Jacob called me sunny.

Either he was being sarcastic or I really did lighten his life a little? Sarcasm was more my thing than his. I stared back at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was pale and I had purple bags underneath my blue eyes. I would have to shave in the morning because I was getting scruffy.

I backed away from the mirror and started to undress not really caring who saw me. I folded my clothes neatly by the sink. There was a possibility that they might be gone when I came out, but I didn't really care. I turned on the faucet and waited for the cold water to warm up.

I heard our room door close and then Jacob poked his head inside the bathroom. I was reaching for the curtain until I realized that it was him. I stood there completely naked and wanting him to look at _me_. I guess my biggest problem with Leah was her biggest problem with me. I felt like we were competing against each other. But I couldn't compete against her because obviously I was a man.

"Is Leah gone?" I asked feeling like the homewrecker in their _unhappy_ relationship.

"Yeah I ignored her. She threw some stuff off of my desk, told me my side of the room smelled like ass. And left in true Leah fashion. Head spinning and all." Jacob grinned handsomely. I thought I saw his eyes drift to my dick quickly, but I wasn't sure. "So now that Stormy's gone why don't you wash down that sexy body with Irish Spring so we can eat." Jacob bit his lip, "I'll serve you a plate okay."

"Okay," I said. I bit the inside of my cheek. Despite all the insecurities I had surmounted with Leah and Jacob tonight, his last comment about my Irish Spring body wash gave me hope. Maybe Leah did have something to worry about. And I had something to _hope_ for.

--Edward--

Thanks again sweethearts for the reviews. **OECD**, **Trunksgrl18**, **freakumlight**, **kendye**, **rebelwilla**, **TheGirlInThePinkScarf** (Love your name), **Arngerabit-39**, **Rhondeez**, **tralla**, and **jowee**, your reviews are love. I was honestly expecting this story to be a one-shot because I assumed no one would be interested. You guys rock and I can't say thanks enough for commenting on my work.

**mbcatattak**- Thank you so much for reviewing! And yep everyone is human here.

**mia-dcwut-09**- Thank you! Before starting this fic I was thinking about how hot it would be if Jake and Edward were roommates. College is stressful enough as it is…so a little eye candy doesn't hurt right. Lol. That was cruel of me to tease ya'll with Edwards dream first chapter, but it's just a promise of what's to come.

**Shattered Diamonds**- Ha ha:) I thought someone would find amusement in that line. I don't really think anyone wants to be looked at that way. And thank you for the comment on commas, when it comes to English commas and I aren't the best-friends. I will try to be more watchful of them though. And I'm returning the love for your review Mrs. Szmanda.

**Iyo24girl**- Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! While I think it would be interesting if Edward was a vampire and Jacob a werewolf in college it would be too much for me to keep track of. So everyone is human is this story:)

**Anya**- I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter. Hoped the second one didn't disappoint. Glad you're a fan of the slow build relationships, because so am I. Slow build is all about the temptation and desire to cross boundaries. I can't wait to explore that.

**Utena-Puchiko-nyu**- Kisses back from America! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Also I just wanted to say that if anyone wants to see any other characters like Emmett or Rosalie feel free to ask. I'm open to requests. And if anyone is wondering Jacob will also be a point of view character, he's just a little more complex than Edward is. So I'm letting you guys in Edward's psyche first.

As always **PLEASE REVIEW**. Reviews bring faster updates and cookie:) Love, Maddie.


	3. Awake

**AN**: This is an extra long chapter. It's dedicated to everyone that reviewed Chapters 1 and 2. Ya'll are so awesome and thank you for taking time to read and review something that I have so much fun writing! I got a lot of requests for Emmett and Rosalie, so Emmett makes an appearance in this chapter. I'm still working on finding Rosalie a place. Thanks again sweethearts. Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns all.

Chapter 3- Awake

--Edward--

_"Edward I want you to meet a special friend of mine." Carlisle said as he placed his hands on my shoulder._

_I stared into my dad's cool blue orbs questioningly. The faint wrinkles along his eyes deepened as he smiled and I felt at ease. I nodded in agreement but my eyes were on the instrument around his neck. "Can I wear your stetho…" I had trouble pronouncing the word._

_"__Stethoscope__," Carlisle said slowly. He ruffled my chestnut hair and eased the medical device from around his neck. "Here you go Dr. Cullen Jr."_

_My cheeks warmed with pride as I fingered the cool metal at the end and the earplugs up top. Just to try it out I took the stethoscope from around my shoulders and placed the plugs in my ears. I felt around for my dad's heart. "Am I doing it right?" I asked curiously._

_"What do you hear?" Carlisle asked with a faint smile._

_"Thump, thump, thump," I answered curiously._

_"Yes you're doing it right."_

_I clasped my hands together eagerly. "Can I wear your badge too?"_

_Carlisle clicked his tongue, "When we get home Edward."_

_I pouted._

_Sensing my disappointment Carlisle attempted to bring a smile back to my face. "Hey even better I'll get you your own badge. You can be my assistant okay."_

_"Okay," I said settling._

_Carlisle massaged my shoulders, "Now go ahead inside."_

_I nodded slowly. Carlisle opened the door and I saw a woman staring off in the distance. She was deathly pale with dark circles underneath her eyes, sallow skin, and a red bandana was around her head. I folded my arms behind my back and walked towards her unable to look away._

_"Elizabeth this is my son Edward." Carlisle introduced warmly. He draped his arm around my shoulder pulling me close. "He's my assistant today so he'll be keeping you company if that's okay."_

_Elizabeth's eyes lit up, "Of course it's okay."_

_I swallowed. I didn't want to be left alone with a stranger. Alice was better at talking to people she didn't know than I was. I wanted to reach out for my dad's hand and ask him not to leave me, but I wanted to be a big boy, especially when wearing my dad's stethoscope. _

_"Edward I'll come back to get you at lunch time okay." Carlisle bent down and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Here you go kiddo," He handed me a pager, "If you need anything just press this button and I'll come."_

_"Are you going to be far away?" I asked trying to level my voice so I looked strong._

_"No Edward. I'll never be too far away from you." He stroked my cheek. "Miss Elizabeth is a friend of the family so you're in good hands with her." The beeper in his lab jacket went off. "Elizabeth I have to go."_

_"Thank you Carlisle," she said staring deep into his eyes and giving him a nod._

_"__Anytime__," Carlisle mouthed. He smiled at me one last time before slipping out the door. _

_For a few moments I stood there unable to will myself to move forward. The room was so white and tiny. I imagined she had to get bored all the time. _

_She tilted her head to the side, "Carlisle told me you were shy so I was expecting to have to bring out the big guns right away. Edward could you do me a favor and go in that closet over by the window?"_

_I glanced at the closet scoping it out, and then I looked back at her. She nodded encouragingly. My feet moved forward and seconds later I was opening the door. Inside was a large black bag. I looked through and my eyes widened at the sight of a vast variety of toys and books._

_"Wow," I murmured awestricken._

_"Everything in there is for you and your sister Alice,"_

_I glanced over my shoulder at the woman. "I have to ask my dad first before I can take."_

_She chuckled sweetly. "I'm sure Esme and Carlisle will allow you to keep the toys. Pick a few things out from the bag and bring them to me." She winced uncomfortably and shifted her position in the bed._

_I studied her worriedly. "Are you okay?"_

_She nodded and waved her hand, "I'm fine,"_

_"Can I check and make sure?"_

_Elizabeth's eyebrows furrowed. "Of course you can sweetie but don't you want to play with the toys?"_

_I left the bag alone for a few moments and trudged over towards her. I went over to her bed and put the stethoscope earplugs back in my ear, and located her heart. "Thump, thump, thump." I said._

_Elizabeth smiled. Her eyes crinkled around the corner. "Am I okay Dr. Cullen."_

_"I still need to do further tests." I quoted. I heard my dad tell three people today that. "But right now everything looks fine."_

_"I think that you'll make a great doctor one day." Elizabeth said. She gazed over at the open closet door and then back at me. "Did you want to sit down?"_

_"Yes," I looked around for a seat. There was one all the way across the room, but I opted to hop onto the edge of Elizabeth's bed and fold my hands in my lap. She looked like she could use someone to talk to. On the wall a clock ticked by slowly. "So what do you do for fun in here?"_

_Elizabeth frowned, "Well that's when I have to call on my creative powers to save me. Do you want to see how I keep from losing my mind?"_

_"Sure," I said eagerly._

_"Okay," Elizabeth turned over on her side and removed a sketchbook from the drawer beside her bed. "Promise me one thing Edward Cullen."_

_"I promise," I said._

_Elizabeth grinned. "Edward you __can't__ promise before I tell you what you have to promise to do. I could be asking you to give me all your toys, or that brand new puppy your parents got you and your sister."_

_I remained silent._

_"But don't worry I would never ask you for any of those things. Promise me that you won't tell anyone else about my secret book." She moved her mouth to the side, "It's very important to me, and I really don't like sharing unless I completely trust the person I'm sharing with."_

_"I promise," I gave her my pinkie. She linked her's inside mine and the promise was sealed. I crawled closer to Elizabeth when she opened the sketchbook to a random picture. "I like that." I pointed towards a sketch of a family. "Is that you?" I dragged my hand to a woman who was smiling._

_She smiled faintly, "It was supposed to be me. I drew this nine years ago. Before you were born buddy."_

_"That's a long time ago." I wrinkled my nose._

_"And I also have lyrics…do you know what those are."_

_"Words for songs?"_

_"Yes, I like to sing too. So whenever I'm inspired I grab this sketchbook and scribble down whatever is on my mind."_

_I bit my lip as I quickly glanced over the words written in neat cursive. _

_"Ohh," Elizabeth winced and placed her hand to her stomach. She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry Edward."_

_"What's wrong?" I asked sitting up alert._

_"I just…" she forced a weak smile. "I just get this pain in my chest sometimes but it'll go away. It always does."_

_"Is the pain in your heart."_

_Elizabeth's eyes watered. "I um…no Edward. It's not."_

_As I watched tears fall down Elizabeth's sallow cheeks I pressed the button on the pager my dad had given me. _

_Carlisle came back in a few moments later. _

_"I think she's hurting." I commented observantly._

_Elizabeth reached for my hand._

_I took in a mouthful of air almost scared to breathe. _

_"I'm so sorry that this had to happen now. I wanted to spend more time with you but I can't…you shouldn't see me like this." She squeezed my hand tighter. "Carlisle I got some things for Alice and Edward can you please make sure they get them?"_

_"Of course I will Elizabeth," Carlisle reached for my hand. "Edward let's go." _

_I watched Elizabeth with wide eyes as Carlisle and I walked out of the room. _

_"I have to go back in there and make sure she's okay. Can you sit in the waiting room?" He rested his hand against my cheek._

_"Is she going to die?" I asked quietly._

_Carlisle's eyes twitched slightly. That was the first time I ever saw him falter. "I'm doing everything I can to keep her __alive__."_

***

I was freezing. It felt like I had stripped off all my clothes and dived into a pool of freezing cold water. My lips trembled and my muscles tensed. The world was black but I felt cold. _So cold_. I heard him call my name and then I suddenly felt warm.

The inky blackness was replaced with the glow of the blue safety lights set up around campus. I was outside. _What the fuck_? Someone's arms were around me preventing me from moving. I felt his heart beating against my chest. Without even turning around I knew it was Jacob because only he could make me feel safe through I was confused.

"What are we doing out here?" I stammered uncertainly. I didn't make any attempts to free myself from his arms.

"You seriously don't remember anything Cullen?"

"No I don't." Why was I so cold? I dared to look down and that's when I realized that I was in nothing but _boxers_. It was in the middle of October in Maryland and all I was wearing was boxers. "Oh _fuck_," It suddenly dawned on me what had probably happened.

"I think you were sleepwalking dude. Actually I know you were." Jacob eased his black Nike sweater from around his shoulders and handed it to me. "Put that on." All he had underneath that was a white V neck tee shirt. He rubbed my shoulders, "You'll be lucky if you don't get sick."

I slipped on his sweater without asking any questions. I was embarrassed as fuck, because I didn't want Jacob to see my like this. _Sleepwalking outside in the middle of the night_. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that it bled. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! When I was younger I used to sleepwalk all the time. I sleepwalked so frequently that my parents set up some kind of alarm in my room that went off whenever I got up.

I hadn't sleepwalked since I was ten; which was my big issue here aside from doing it in front of Jacob.

"Thank god I followed you," Jacob laughed easily as if nothing was wrong here. He punched me in my arm. "You walked all the way from our dorm to here. If I didn't grab you you would've walked out into the street." I could detect an underlying hint of worry in his voice.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "How long was I sleepwalking?"

"You were walking fast as shit like a man on a mission." Jacob looked down at my boxers. "You're shivering do you want my pants too?"

"No I don't want your pants. There is no need for both of us to catch hypothermia."

"You're embarrassed?" Jacob asked.

I chuckled, sarcastically. "Nah I'm not embarrassed at all Jake. I just walked outside in my boxers, and if you didn't find me I would've probably woken up in jail. But no I'm not embarrassed."

Jacob shoved his hands in his jeans. "The cops got too much other shit to deal with around here, and besides if you got arrested I would scrape some pennies and friends together and create a Free Edward fund." Jacob bumped into me, "I'd also put your face on milk cartons."

I weakly smiled. If anyone could turn a shitty situation into comic relief it was Jacob. I just wished that I could move on from this with him, but I was still bothered that he saw me like this. So out of control. "What time is it?" I desperately tried to change the subject.

"Three," Jacob answered.

I glanced at him curiously wondering why he was up so late.

"Before you turned into zombie Edward I was trying to start a paper due tomorrow." Jacob continued to talk like he usually did when I filled the space with silence. "I fucking hate Shakespeare. I waited until the last damn minute to do this ten-page paper and now I'm using sparknotes and every summary I can find on the Internet to throw that shit together. I hope I at least get a fucking C."

When we got back to our dorm room I eyed my bed with caution. I didn't want to sleepwalk twice in one night. I wasn't sure if I would be able to go back to sleep. I pulled off Jacob's sweater and gave it back to him. Now I smelled like him. My tee shirt, my skin, and my hair. He immediately put back on the sweater as he took a seat at his computer.

"You should get some sleep Jake." I suggested judging by the bags underneath his eyes. One thing I knew about Jacob from being his roommate was that he never stayed up late doing schoolwork. There was a first time for everything.

He scoffed, "If I get _some_ sleep I'm not going to be wake up until tomorrow afternoon." He looked around and then pointed to a Red Bull sitting on my press. "Give me that Cullen. I need drugs to keep me awake."

"That Red Bull has been sitting there for a while," I said honestly.

"So," Jacob wiggled his fingers. "The shop is closed, the dinners are closed, and the only thing open around here now is liquor stores. I need Red Bull or sex…something to keep me up."

I would sleep with him if he asked me. I would've probably slept with him on the first night. God he made me feel like a cheap whore and I liked it. At least right now I _did_. I gave Jacob the leftover Red Bull.

He swallowed it down in one gulp and made a face. "I _have_ to finish this Shakespeare paper."

I owed him a thank you for tonight. I was so busy being embarrassed earlier that I had completely skipped over gratitude. "Jake…" I started.

He nodded already knowing what I was going to say, "Don't mention it Cullen."

My cheeks warmed thankfully. "Let me at least look over your paper? I owe you."

Jacob's eyes widened. "Seriously? I'm sure my paper will make your eyes bleed. It's full or errors and I'm not going to lie I copy and pasted shit right from the Internet."

"In that case definitely let me see it," I licked my lips, "English is like porn for me, it's addicting." I didn't know what possessed me to say that.

"You're addicted to porn?" Jacob asked with a devilish smile.

"I uh…no comment." My cheeks warmed. "If you want me to look over your _tragic_ paper you should probably move?"

Jacob's eyes narrowed. "Porn seems a little too tame for you. Why would you want a computer screen when people stand in lines waiting to give themselves to you?" When I didn't answer back Jacob stood up, "Cullen, are you a virgin?"

"_What_?" I basically gave myself away with the nervous laughter and goofy smile that accompanied that response.

"Fuck," Jacob snickered. "No fucking way. Are you like waiting for marriage or something?"

"No, so _Shakespeare_." I placed my hand on his desk and tried to gain access to his mouse but Jacob kept his hand firmly planted there. He was looking up at me like I just told him the most interesting news in the world. Fuck it Jacob Black why did you have to unnerve me so damn much.

"You've never even gotten to second base."

"No,"

"Have you ever seen pussy before?"

I tried not to wrinkle my nose. No I don't want pussy Jacob. I want dick. I want your dick. I tried my best to keep my internal thoughts from registering on my face. "No,"

Now was as good a time as ever to tell him the truth. How could I keep it from him any longer. He would start to wonder and question things. Straight guys always did. I backed away from him. "We could talk about my sex life for three hours or you can let me fix your paper." I was starting to get annoyed. It was a defense mechanism. I glanced at the computer screen. "I already see a mistake. You spelled _Shakespeare_ wrong. That's an automatic F,"

"Edward," Jacob's eyes wandered towards the computer screen obviously looking for the mistake. "I'm not judging you I'm just surprised because you got it. You can have anyone at this school. You're fucking sexy man, and this is coming from a guy that doesn't usually look at guys. Only _25 percent_ of the time." Jacob laughed. "Or maybe 5 percent of the time."

I looked into his eyes. God he was such a fucking flirt. If he was really straight and completely into pussy then why was he telling me that he checked out guys 5 percent of the time.

"I couldn't be a virgin though because I like sex too much." Jacob said. He stared off into space for a few moments. "Are you waiting for the one or what?"

"I'm not…" I ran my hands through my messy hair. I felt like I needed a beer for this. I was here with Jacob and he was showing more interest in my sex life than any straight guy _should_. But yet nothing was black and white here. I should take a chance, go out on a limb and just kiss the guy.

If I kissed him the worst that could happen would be rejection.

Jacob was still looking at me expectantly as I went through all the scenarios in my head. "Sorry," He drummed his pencil against the desk. "I wasn't trying to pry into your sex life. It's none of my business unless you want it to be."

"Jake," My heart was thumping against my chest. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Edward don't tell him. It's too soon. He walked over to me. He was so fucking perfect. This would've been an easier process if he stayed across the room. I was pathetically choking on the words as I looked into his eyes.

I hated being so damn weak around him.

My eyebrows furrowed and my lips parted.

"Just say it," Jacob encouraged. "Whatever is on your mind say it."

I saw Alice in the back of my head. She would feel betrayed if I told Jacob I was gay before her. I stared at his lips and then I saw the concern in his eyes. Rejection was all I had to fear. But that was the greatest fear of all when it came to him. I bowed my head as the realization that I couldn't do it washed over me bitterly.

It definitely seemed like Jacob wanted me to tell him something but I couldn't risk it not being that I was gay. "_Nothing_." I said slowing the beating of my heart. I stared at his computer just behind him. "Go to sleep I'll write your Shakespeare paper for you."

"What?" The disappointment in his eyes faded. "I can't let you write that paper for me."

"What's your grade in that class?" I asked.

Jacob's cheeks reddened. "A Fantastic F. C'mon you saw I can't even spell _Shakespeare_. English fucks me and makes me his bitch."

I whistled trying to return _us_ back to normal. "Well then you definitely need my help. It doesn't take me long to type and I know Shakespeare like the back of my hand. Get some rest you got a big game coming up and if you don't win that'll fuck up Maryland's winning streak."

Jacob half smiled, "You keep up with Maryland's football team."

_No only you_. "Sure," I lied.

Jacob stood up and caught me off guard by wrapping his arms around me. I couldn't breathe but I didn't care because in his arms was a good place to be after sleepwalking and nearly coming out. I closed my eyes and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"I owe you my ass." He said slowly.

I opened my eyes. His filthy mouth didn't help in the confusion either.

"Whatever you want I'll do it. You own me for a week." Jacob said leaning away from me. He was smiling jokingly.

"No," I waved my hands. "Don't mention it."

"No seriously," He reached for my arm and held me tightly. "I'm on loan to you."

I cracked a smile finding humor in his statement, "Like a library book or a prostitute?"

Jacob let me go and laughed. "If that's what you need me to be sure."

Jacob was breathing heavily and so was I. I could've grabbed him there and kissed him but cowardly I went to his computer. I felt like a fucking lamb, and he was the predator. He could eat me alive, fuck me up, and just leave me here to die, or thrive if he wanted me.

Loving him was dangerous and it was intense. I needed more time to get my shit together before I gave away another piece of myself to a guy that might not even be interested. I saw Jacob on the bed staring at me while I kept my eyes trained on the computer screen. It was a look that I had only seen him give me. A pensive gaze that burned a hole right into my forehead.

***

Hazy sunlight filtered into the open window. I yawned and stretched out my arms. The first thing I noticed was that I hadn't had another sleep walking episode. And then…I realized that _Jacob's_ arm was draped around me. My eyes widened and I looked up towards the ceiling. "Shit,"

Our legs were entangled. His body was warm against mine. I fit into him perfectly and I could feel his cock against my ass. I was still wearing my boxers though. I closed my eyes horrified that not only had I sleepwalked outside, but also into his bed. I sat up slightly careful not to wake up Jacob and craned my head towards _my_ bed. His room was covered with posters of Megan Fox, and Leah had taped some pictures of him and her together by his pillow.

Jacob was in _my_ bed. I hadn't sleepwalked.

He gripped my linens in his hands and pulled himself upwards. Jacob saw me looking at him and he let out a groan. I figured that now would be a good time to take my balls back from him and man up, even though I didn't mind him being in my bed. If he did like me then why did I have to be the one to say something? He was the one with a girlfriend and half naked women on his wall.

His dick was rock hard against my leg.

I fought hard to ignore the thought of sucking him off and then jerking him off until he squirted his cum in my mouth. _No dirty thoughts. _

Jacob wiped at his eyes. "You were sleepwalking again."

"_What_?" I asked quickly losing my fantasy.

"Yeah," Jacob sat up and rested his arm against my pillow. Our legs were still wrapped inside each other's. "I fell asleep while you were writing that Shakespeare paper for me, thanks by the way." He placed his hands on my head and ruffled my hair, "And when I woke up you were trying to escape out the door again. I didn't have any rope so I brought you back to your bed and I figured that I would stay with you."

He pulled back the covers. "I'm sorry if I had you pressed up against the wall. I'm not the most graceful sleeper."

_He stayed with me_. I watched as he untangled our legs. What was wrong with me? How the fuck did I sleepwalk twice in one night? I closed my eyes. God I was so fucking embarrassed.

"I looked it up," Jacob walked towards the refrigerator. He was unapologetic about his erection, which was unmistakably poking, out of his white boxer briefs. "You're probably stressed which makes me feel like shit because I let you do an assignment for me."

I scowled, "I'm going to go shower." I didn't want him having to look up anything I did like I was some case.

Jacob blocked the door. "Stop running from me Edward." He said out of the blue.

I looked back at him shocked, "_Huh_?"

"Give me a little credit. I've been your roommate for two months now. I think we're pretty good friends or whatever you want to call us, but we haven't talked at all about your sleepwalking and I was the one that went out after you. I looked up shit because I was worried." Jacob's eyebrows furrowed.

I definitely wasn't expecting that from him. I stared into his eyes. He did look hurt. I didn't want to hurt him. I clenched my jaw and I decided not to take a shower right away. I had trust issues and even bigger issues with letting people in. I liked the world to see me as unapproachable so that way I didn't have to give anyone bits and pieces of myself. But here Jacob was demanding me to let down the wall of Edward.

"I'm not running away from you." I insisted.

Jacob crossed his strong arms, "Then let's talk about it. _Your sleep walking_."

I rolled my head around slowly. "I don't want to talk about it Jake,"

"Then I'm going to talk to Alice," Jacob said.

My eyes widened. The last thing I needed was Alice on my case worrying about something she didn't have to. "Don't say anything to her," I warned. "Or do, if you want Alice in here 24/7 putting up pink streamers and trying to hook us on Gossip Girl and The Vampire Diaries."

"Whatever it takes to keep you safe." Jacob swallowed. He seemed caught off guard by his own words. He looked away from me and then he shook his head down at the floor. "Believe it or not it's okay to let people care about you. I'm not trying to be an ass here, but you make it impossible to be nice sometimes."

I wasn't mad at him for caring. Yesterday he had given me so many signs and even now threatening to tell my sister on me showed that he cared for more than a friendly way.

"Who is Elizabeth?" Jacob questioned, but he wasn't as forceful as he had been earlier.

I stared back at him speechlessly.

Jacob swallowed, "You said her name last night when you were sleepwalking. Maybe she has something to do with the sleepwalking?"

"Jake," I croaked.

He looked back at me hopefully.

"I don't want to talk about her, not with you or anyone else." One other thing I hated to do besides give anyone more control than I had, was to publicly cry. And I hadn't yet mastered the art of talking about Elizabeth without breaking into tears or feeling completely empty.

***

"Edward," Alice sung as she removed my earphone.

I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie and walking across the lawn towards the Susquehanna building. I was completely lost in the music and thoughts about Jacob until Alice awakened me.

"Hey Alice," I said dryly. "I'm late."

"Are you going to class or a funeral?" She sized up my Converse's, black jeans, and button down black shirt. "College Park is definitely bringing out your inner goth? So where is the funeral?"

"In Susquehanna and I'm late for the viewing."

Alice rolled her eyes and linked her arm in mine. We walked together. While I was slightly irritated that Alice was beside me attracting even more attention than I usually got, in her vibrant colors, I had to say I was a little relieved. While I couldn't even begin to express to Alice my feelings about Jacob I felt like she understood me. Sometimes, but rarely, she would leave me with my worries, and just sit with me so I wouldn't be alone.

"How was your movie last night?" I asked daring conversation.

"I was waiting for you to ask," Her lavender dress floated around her small figure in the breeze, "It was so great. The movie sucked and Bella fell asleep on it, but I met this really cute guy." She squeezed my arm tightly. "His name is Jasper Whitlock and he's part of the ROTC on campus."

I nodded, "_Cool_, so I see you're settling into college life nicely as well."

"While you Edward are struggling."

"I'm not," I sighed. "I just have more important things to do than drool after boys and play everyone's psychologist."

Alice let me go and stared at me surprised. "Is it that time of the month again Edward because I think I have a few extra Tampons in here."

I narrowed my eyes at her and then smiled slightly. "Alice I hate you."

"I love you Scrooge." She tapped my cheek. "By the way you're going to be joining Jasper, Bella and I for dinner tonight."

"I'm what?" I challenged.

"Bye Edward. I'll swing by your dorm at six!" With that she quickly walked away the wind blowing her short chestnut tresses around .

"I'm not going!" I yelled after her.

But Alice kept walking.

***

I got through class somehow considering the fact that I barely got any sleep last night. I grabbed something from the student union, and sat as I usually did alone while a gaggle of people gawked at me like I was a Rockstar. Today I just felt like stripping off all my clothes and telling everyone to take all the pictures they wanted then leave me the hell alone. I _wasn't _feeling nice at all and I was already gathering victims. First Jacob, then Alice, and Alice would get it again if she expected me to go on a double date with her roommate and the new boy toy.

I pulled a book out of my book bag and started to read because this girl across from me was staring open mouthed. I could see the french fries in her mouth she was gnashing on like a goat.

"Have you no shame? Close your mouth girl I can see all the food in your mouth" A dark haired boy said. As soon as the girl quickly gathered her tray he turned to me and grinned handsomely. "Pest control is here," He was tall as fuck, probably 6'5, he had pale blue orbs, and he was muscular. He was the kind of guy that I used to jerk off to in high school. Dumb as shit. But with a fine ass body.

He licked his full pink lips and then took a seat across from me. He had three pizzas and two bottles of water. For a few moments I just stared at him not really sure what to say. There were a million other tables in the union so why did he chose to sit by me.

I didn't intend to be rude but I was sure I came off that way. "Um…can I help you?"

"Sure, could you pass me the salt on the table behind you?" He gave me a dimpled smile. "And the napkin basket while you're at it Jude."

I gave him a perturbed stare but I gave him the salt, pepper just in case he asked for that too, and the napkin basket. "My name isn't _Jude_,"

"Sure it is with all the attention you get around here. Hey Jude" He sung off key loudly. People looked at us but all he did was smile at them like nothing was wrong. "The Beatles you know."

"No, the name still isn't Jude." I answered succinctly.

He stared at me with a wide grin. "I like you." He pointed at me, "You're funny. And you got the whole tortured brooding bad boy thing going on, but let me guess you're secretly sensitive." Emmett wagged his eyebrows. "What do you say you and me behind the bleachers on the track at three?"

All I could do was stare at this guy like he lost his fucking mind. While I was horny most of the time I didn't want anyone besides Jacob at the moment. And this stranger, no matter how big he was, or his dick. I wasn't interested. Joke or not.

He laughed at me. "Edward Cullen right. Shit. It looks like _Jakey_ never bothered to mention me to you? I'm only the best linebacker UMD has seen in the last thirty years."

It sounded to me like he was tooting his own horn.

He wiped his hands on his jeans. "Emmett McCarty. It's a pleasure to meet you Edward Cullen."

I hesitantly shook his hand.

"I'm on the football team with your roommate Jacob Black." He informed. "We spend all day tackling each other."

I grimaced at the thought of him crashing into Jacob. "That still doesn't explain why you decided to sit by me."

"I saw a friendly face," Emmett pulled out of his ass.

I arched an eyebrow. "Bullshit. I'm probably the most terrifying face here."

"Good looks don't terrify me." Emmett said. He picked at a pepperoni on my plate. "They invite me."

I rolled my eyes. He was full of shit.

"So what's the deal with you and Black? Are you two fucking like dogs in heat."

I balled my fist. "What the fuck did you say to me."

My anger only propelled Emmett on, "Why so angry Cullen? It's a simple yes or no question. I've seen you with him. It's no secret that you wanna ride his dick." Emmett chuckled. "Too bad Leah's already riding the disco stick."

I clenched my jaw and this intense surge of anger overtook me. "Shut the _fuck_ up." My fists yearned to connect with Emmett's face. Who the fuck was he to come to me with unwanted conversation and act like he knew me?

Emmett's expression remained cool. "I'm just making assumptions, but judging by your reactions I can assume that I'm right. You like Jacob."

I _was_ gay and I accepted that along time ago but that didn't mean I wanted to wear my rainbow flag and tap dance to George Michael songs in the streets. I didn't owe this asshole anything.

Emmett smiled as he stared into my eyes. "You're wasting your time. Jake isn't gay. If he was I would've fucked him already."

I clenched my jaw and stood up.

"He's a cock tease. He'll tell you whatever you need to hear to make you feel good. But whatever you think you know about him forget it. You'll never measure up to _her_." Emmett's eyes softened. "But lucky for you you're not ugly. There are other guys out there besides Jacob Fucking Black."

"You know what," I stood up. "Fuck you,"

Emmett chuckled seemingly unphased. "Pull down your pants and bend over. I'll fuck you right here."

***

After an unexpected lunch with that dick Emmett I went back to my dorm and got some sleep. I was relieved to see that Jacob wasn't back when I got up. I had been in an unbelievably bad mood all day and I didn't want to lash out at anyone else other than Emmett. I could seriously kill that guy.

My cell vibrated on my press. I assumed that it was Alice ready to be cussed out, but it turned out to be my mom Esme. I tiredly wiped at my eyes and tried to pull off an 'I've had a great day!' tone with my mom.

"Hey mom,"

"Edward," she sounded relieved to hear my voice and then she said, "What's wrong?"

"_Huh?_" Fuck she already knew I had a bad day. The only thing that bothered me about my mom was her subdued Alice _curse_ of telling what I was feeling even when I did my best to hide it. "I'm exhausted. Midterms are taxing."

"Have you been eating?" Esme asked worried.

"Should I set up an extra cot for you in my dorm next to Alice's?" I teased.

Esme laughed. "No, you're in college and this is supposed to be the best years of your life."

I grunted without meaning to.

"You grunted," Esme said softly. "I can't ignore a grunt."

"I sleepwalked last night." I confessed.

Esme was silent for a few moments and then she said, "You haven't done that in a while,"

"I know but I did tonight and Jacob found me."

"Found you where?"

"Outside by the street."

"_Edward_?" Esme sounded irrevocably worried.

"But don't worry about it mom I got it under control." I considered telling her that I dreamt about Elizabeth again but that was irrelevant here. "Jacob's watching over me," I added in.

"And you let him?" Esme forced a laugh. "You've always been so self-dependant Edward. Remember when I was so worried about your sleepwalking and I tried to sleep in your room, but you sent me back to mine."

We both laughed.

"I like my space," I answered softly.

"So Jacob must be a really good guy? Alice says that you guys seem really _close_."

My cheeks warmed. Leave it to Alice to give spoilers about things she didn't know about. "Jacob is um…" I stalled for the words to describe him and the way he made me feel. The door opened and Jacob came in on cue. He tilted his chin up to say hi, and I waved. "He's _incredible_." I slipped.

Jacob's eyes met mine. The incredible part fell out of my mouth like verbal diarrhea when he turned around to close the door and I saw his ass.

_Fuck._

"What honey?" Esme asked.

"He's a good friend." I saved. "I got to go. Love you mom. Bye." I hung up without giving her a chance to say anything else.

"Who's incredible?" Jacob asked without even trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping. He started to take off his clothes. "You talked to Emmett McCarty?" he changed the subject on his own.

I frowned at the thought of Emmett. "No, more like he sat his big ass down at my table and talked _at_ me."

Jacob seemed pleased with my reaction. "Emmett's an idiot. What did he say to you?"

"You're needing a lot of information today." I attempted at a joke.

Jacob half-smiled, "Maybe. Emmett's an ass and you're my friend so I wanna know in advance if I have to kick his ass from here to Idaho."

I grinned and tilted my head to the side, "Believe me I could kick his ass myself if I wanted to."

Jacob looked me up and down and then nodded. "You've got that element of surprise. Emmett's a big dummy so he'll go down quick. Do you think he's hot?" Jacob's last question sounded incredibly insecure.

I swallowed. "No," I hated his guts but I did think he was hot in a fuck and run kind of since. He definitely wasn't Jacob though.

"Everything is about sex to him." Jacob commented with disgust. "He prays on people because everything is a game. I want him to talk to you again because that'll give me a reason to fuck his shit up."

***

An hour later three taps on my door told me that Alice was outside.

Jacob looked at me. Now that we weren't talking about Emmett any longer he was calm. "Hide in the closet." He whispered. I had told him about the double date that I didn't want to go on. "I can tell her that you had to go to a poetry reading or something?"

"She won't believe that I'm anywhere else but here." I grimaced as I made my way over to the door. Alice was standing outside in a denim mini skirt with cowboy boots. I did everything I could to keep from laughing. She didn't look bad or anything. I just had never seen her in cowboy boots in my life. "Alice what are those?"

"What? Jasper is from Alabama." She giggled. "I thought it would be fun to try a new look.

Alice was always in dresses. It was strange seeing her in a skirt and boots.

"Alice is delving into her inner country girl so she can rope in Mr. Alabama." A brunette said from behind her. "Bella Swan," she shook my hand.

So this was the infamous Bella.

She was completely opposite from Alice. Her hair was tasseled, she wore jeans, a red University of Maryland sweater and Chucks. _Just like me_. Bella looked like she didn't give a shit about appearances, which I liked. But she didn't look bad. I shook her hand and smiled because she wasn't looking at me like I was some Rockstar.

"So where is this Jasper Whitlock?" I asked.

"Oh he's going to meet us at the restaurant," Alice said airily like she didn't care. "He had to do something with ROTC, that's keeping him late."

"_Oh_," I responded shortly.

"And Edward?" Alice sighed. "The restaurant we're going to is four star. Do you think you could brush your hair or…"

"_Alice_," I scoffed before she even started.

Bella snickered behind her, and Jacob joined in.

"I'm going to wear whatever I want because I didn't even want to go in the first place." I reminded.

"But…" she gave me her best puppy dog eyes.

"Doesn't work on me," I reminded her, "And besides Bella isn't dressed up."

"No I'm not. I'm only offering support. She needs me to make this thing between her and Jasper look casual. But by bringing you along last minute it looks like a double date. She's a crafty devil." Bella responded.

Alice sighed, "Is the world working against me?"

Alice was all about plans. She planned her wardrobe, her schedule, and even her free time. When one thing unraveled the schedule was suddenly in jeopardy. I assumed that Jasper arriving late could possibly interfere with homework or sleep.

"Suggestion, since this bill is probably going to be ridiculously expensive why doesn't he join us," Bella glanced towards Jacob, "This isn't Gossip Girl none of us can afford to dine like stars for a night and then _avoid_ the Mickey D's dollar menu for the rest of the semester."

"Bella I'll pay for you." Alice promised, "I invited you so therefore you're covered under the bank of Alice,"

I was impressed that Alice hadn't told Bella about how much money we came from. She wasn't one to brag, but Alice was _dependably _honest.

"So did you want to come?" Bella asked Jacob again.

Jacob wrinkled his nose, "Um four star restaurants aren't exactly my thing,"

"Mine either," I said to him.

"Makes three," Bella raised her hand.

I saw Alice give Bella a scathing look that was usually reserved for me when I was being difficult, which _often._

The door leading to our room opened and Leah came in _without_ the hulking Cynthia. My mood darkened slightly.

"Woah it's a little crowded in here. Hi Alice and Bella," Leah greeted briskly. She smiled at me but didn't open her mouth to say hi.

For some reason Emmett's words filled my mind. He said that Jacob was a cock tease and he would always want Leah in the end. I closed my eyes. Even if I knew Emmett had a point, trusting him was like taking the latest Brad and Angelina rumor as truth.

"Hey Jake I was thinking about going home for the weekend." Leah said considerably nicer than she had been the other night. Her back was turned to me so I couldn't see her face.

"_Yeah_?" He answered indifferently.

I looked down and my lips curled into a smile. I was wickedly pleased that Jacob was being cold to her. I saw that Bella was looking at me so I wiped off my smirk.

"So _yeah._ I was wondering if you wanted to drive to Ellicott City with me." Leah said her voice raising.

"Umm," Jacob flexed his strong arms behind his back, "Actually I can't Leah because I was on my way to dinner with my friends."

Leah's lips grew thin. She looked at me and I shrugged. With that she brushed past Bella and Alice and stormed out.

"Just in case she comes back with her chainsaw let me get ready." Jacob teased. "Who's driving?"

"Me," Bella volunteered, "But the only thing is someone is going to have to ride in the back. Ol' Faithful can only fit three comfortably." She grinned, "Unless you want to sit in Jacob's lap Edward?"

I laughed nervously, "Not really."

"I'll take my bike." Jacob said. He looked at me, "Edward you wanna come with me?"

I didn't trust a motorcycle as far as I could throw one, but naturally Jacob influenced me to do bad things. I hadn't answered quick enough because Bella was already digging in Alice's gigantic purse for a piece of paper and a pen. "God Alice it's like Wal-Mart in here." Bella commented.

She quickly scribbled down an address, "The restaurant is called The Italian Veranda and it's in downtown Silver Spring. You can follow me but Ol' Faithful and I drive fast. I figure if it's going to die on my anyways so I minus as well push him to the limit." Bella handed me the paper. "Phone,"

"Phone?"

"Your phone Edward," she said kindly.

I gave her my phone and Bella programmed her number inside.

"You barely have any numbers in there," She commented. "Not even your roommate?"

"I hate phones," I mumbled quickly.

Alice looked beside herself with worry about the night. Usually she would've opened her mouth and inserted an antisocial Edward joke with Bella's comment.

"C'mon Alice let's go." Bella wrapped her arm around my sister.

Once they were gone Jacob immediately started to strip. "Thank God Leah came by before you guys left."

"You can't avoid her forever you know." I was doing it again. Speaking too much and trying to poison Jacob against Leah without conviction that _we_ had a chance.

"I can't but I still don't want to talk to her _or about her_." Jacob gave me a look that told me to close the Leah conversation. I was reminded of this morning when he asked me about sleepwalking and Elizabeth. Fine. It was fair.

Jacob reached for a canary button down dress shirt and placed it on his bed with a pink and blue stripped tie and black slacks. I sat down on my bed as I watched him. An epic dialogue was building in my head about all the things I should say now that it was just us again.

"I'm going to go shower," he said. "Can I use your Irish Spring body wash?"

I smiled and tilted my head towards my closet. "At the top in the shower caddy. Are you out of shower gel?"

"_No_," Jacob answered vaguely. "I just like the way it smells on you."

***

It was freezing outside.

I wrapped my arms around my body. Jacob looked fucking sexy in a tie. I got hard alone at the thought of riding on the back of his motorcycle. It was the proximity that set me off, not the actual motorcycle. Jacob handed me a helmet.

"You wanna take _me_ for a ride?" He asked.

I cocked my head to the side, "I'm questioning my sanity for getting on the back of this thing so why the hell would I want to take you for a ride?"

"To get back some control Cullen," Jacob said over his shoulder. He smiled and then put on his helmet. "You can hold onto me while I'm driving, keep your feet away from the wheel, and I'll do my best not to crash us."

I was still at the line about me holding onto him. _Fuck_. I couldn't believe that I was getting on a motorcycle. "Crash us?" My _Jacob obsessed mind_ managed to get past the image of holding onto him for dear life. "How long have you been riding."

"Since I was sixteen." Jacob spoke up, "You're in good hands Cullen. I'm only jerking your dick around." Jacob got on first and then patted the seat behind me, "Do we need to go over safety? I don't want to kill a Cullen tonight."

"One more time maybe?" Just because I didn't want to look like a coward I got on the bike and hesitated before I wrapped my arms around him.

"Just remember hold onto me. I'll go slow." Jacob looked down at my hands. "Tighter. I'm not Mike Tyson I won't bite you…unless you want me too of course."

He gave me his favorite crooked smile and the bike roared to life. People passing by looked at us, but Jacob didn't seem to care. I wrapped my arms tightly around his torso and I succumbed to the wind rushing across my cheek.

If this was slow for Jacob then I didn't even want to imagine how fast, _fast_ actually was.

***

The Italian Veranda ended up being a no go.

Apparently there was a dress code. Alice had slipped up again and she was giving herself an even harder time about the latest setback of the night. Jacob and I had arrived thirty minutes late to find Alice pacing and Bella watching with crossed arms. We would've went home if Jasper wasn't meeting us here. Now, Jacob, Bella, and I sat in the back of Bella's 1953 Chevrolet Pick Up Truck. She had on the radio and the Rolling Stones was playing. Alice was waiting at the front of The Italian Veranda for Jasper.

"So who's in the mood for Chinese?" Bella asked.

I was in my own world. Jacob was sitting right beside me and all I could think about was how long today felt. At the beginning of the day I was mad at him, and then I ran into Emmett, and now I was in love with him again. Partially some of this was his fault for flirting with me. I thought about Emmett again. Oh shit. _Fuck him_.

"So how did you get a car on campus Bella?" Jacob asked.

She leaned against a red cooler in the back. "My dad Charlie is a cop back home in Forks, Washington ever heard of that place?"

"No," Jacob answered.

"Yeah, it's a tiny insignificant dot on the US map. Anyways he likes to throw his weight around, so he yelled at enough people and explained how it was important for me to have my truck." Bella tapped her hands on the hood. "So here ol' faithful is in Maryland chugging along." Bella trailed her hand through her brunette hair. "Where are you from Edward?"

Jacob wrapped his arm around me shaking me a little. "Cullen?"

"Huh?" I asked my lips opened.

"Bella's talking to you."

She tilted her head to the side, "Where are you from Edward?"

"Savannah, Georgia." I answered.

"You're a Georgia peach?" Jacob grinned. "I never dated anyone from Georgia before."

"How many people have you dated?" Bella spoke up.

Both Jacob and I looked at Bella she was smiling with a supremely interested expression.

"Hey, we're sitting outside in the back of my truck starving. Minus as well play 21 questions." Bella defended.

"21 questions can lead to dangerous _confessions_." Jacob pointed out.

"Well I have nothing to confess." Bella sighed, "I lived a boring life up until now but I have full intentions of shaking things up a little here."

"So you want to go wild and crazy?" Jacob asked.

Bella smiled to herself but didn't answer "Edward you're so quiet?"

"That's his thing," Jacob said looking at me sideways, "He communicates with me through looks and grunts. You have to be around him long enough to understand the code."

"I talk," I said embarrassed. "I'm just tired," I lied. "Midterms are killing my ass."

"Aww poor Edward," Jacob whispered.

"You two are totally gay for each other," Bella observed with a smile. "Here's to shaking things up, by the end of the semester I bet you guys will be fucking."

_Oh Bella_. I chose not to confirm or deny her comment.

"Well," Jacob shrugged, "No offense Edward but if I had to fuck a guy it would be you. I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to admit that."

He was making me hard as shit.

"Okay?" I laughed nervously. Stupid Edward. _Stupid_.

Bella smiled sweetly and then changed the subject to the upcoming Homecoming game.

***

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Jasper apologized as he approached the truck with Alice. Jasper was dressed casually in a long sleeved blue shirt and jeans.

"Bella, Edward and Jacob this is Jasper Whitlock," Alice introduced with a gleeful smile.

I shook Jasper's hand before Bella or Jacob. I was insanely protective of Alice, so much in fact that I had a habit of scaring away some of her boyfriends. Senior Year Alice told me that if I didn't stop being her father when she got in a relationship then she would disown me. I smiled at the thought. She could never.

Alice gave me a warning look. Jasper was handsome. He had curly blonde hair, he was tall, and he had this slightly awkward and nervous air about him. He was in the ROTC?

"Come into the truck," Bella suggested. "This is the mecca for starved college students."

Jasper laughed nervously, "Okay," He hoped inside and then turned around to offer his hand for Alice.

He seemed to be a gentleman that was one check.

I saw Jacob watching me.

"Can I help you?" I asked softly.

"Easy guard dog." He grinned. "She's eighteen and so are you. _This is college_."

I didn't comment because now Jasper was sitting right across from us.

"So um…what's for dinner?" He asked looking around at us.

"Vote?" Jacob suggested. He nudged me, "Edward?"

"Umm…come back to me," I said.

Jacob playfully pushed me, "I say Mexican."

Bella's eyes widened, "My stomach says too spicy. I still say Chinese?"

"Jasper?" Jacob asked. "Tie breaker."

We all turned to him.

"Red Lobster?" He suggested.

Hmm. Cheddar Bay biscuits did sound good.

"Oh man I could kill for a plate of pasta right now." Jacob said. "Edward, Red Lobster sound good?"

"Really good," I spoke up.

***

After dinner Jacob and I brought our leftovers back to our dorm. Dinner had gone well. Despite being turned away from the Italian Veranda, Red Lobster proved to be a decent place for us all to talk. I still hadn't reached a verdict yet on Jasper but Alice was obviously enamored with him. He was into art and a military guy and for now that was all I really knew about him.

I was sitting on my bed watching the news. As usual it was full of depression and murder.

Jacob moved his drawer in front of the door.

I sat up and looked at him curiously, "Jake?"

"I'm trapping you in here tonight Georgia." After he was finished with the dresser he moved the rug from in between our beds and then scooted his bed towards mine. "I'm taking all the precautions I can."

For the umpteenth time today I was speechless.

"I'm Edward proofing the room." Jacob smiled beautifully. "Because I'm scared that I might not wake up and…" He looked away. "You're going to have to let someone take care of you one day. Even if you're so fucking big and bad Edward Cullen."

I turned off the TV as our beds met.

"To get to the door you're going to have to crawl over me."

"And what if I'm actually awake?" I asked. "And I crawl over you?"

"Then I still might tackle you." Jacob laughed. His smile fell short and he looked at me. "It's been a full day." He fell onto his bed and grabbed his sheets in his hands. "I could sleep forever."Jacob said as he closed his eyes.

"Don't you dare," I said to him.

I watched him for a few moments. He really was everything I wanted. I tried closing my eyes a few moments later but the lights were bothering me so I got up. Jacob shot up like a mad man and wrapped his arms around me, rolling me over.

I let out a yelp of surprise. "_Awake_," I said. He was pressing me into the bed. His ass on my dick.

He searched my eyes and we both laughed.

"Awake," I said again.

God he was a light sleeper. He crawled off of me and I went to turn off my light. As I crawled back over him Jacob swatted my ass. "Night Cullen."

"_Night_," I said to him. I inched closer to his bed and I placed my hand beside his. I didn't want to have any dreams tonight or flashbacks. I just wanted to sleep. A few moments later I heard Jacob breathing in and out softly. I scooted closer to him and I closed my eyes.

Everything went black.

**E**

**Please Review**!

**AN**:

**Viva0los0sacapuntas**- Thanks so much. While I was writing this chapter I read your review and it definitely made me smile. I really hope you finished your essay!

**Rhondeez**- I did exactly as you suggested because it worked so well. Thanks for offering your input and of course for reviewing!

**Starry-nights88**- I'm glad that I could provide you with a late night read. And I love writing a pinning Edward and Jacob in charge. Thanks for reviewing!

And an extra big thank you to everyone else that dropped a review to give this story some love. You guys are keeping this story alive with your reviews! **Bigdogz09**, **rickiebeaumont**, **arngerabit-39**, **lilli kitty**, **mia-dcwut-09**, **MoodyBlued**, **TheGirlInThePinkScarf** (Don't worry if Rosalie comes into the story I won't make her a total bitch. I can't stand flat characters so she would definitely have dimension.) **TheSeer**, **rebelwilla**, **nAoMi aYaMe** (Thanks for the cupcakes! Hope you have a sweet day too.) **mbcattack** (Thanks for the Emmett suggestion!) **gypsysue** (lol about the Leah being a pain in the ass comment,) **Utena Puchiko-nyu** (Emmett and Seth would be interesting but here Seth is 15. Thanks for the awesome suggestion though. You helped get Emmett in here!)


	4. Homecoming

**AN**: I'm so excited about this chapter because this is the first time ya'll are getting a sneak peek into Jacob's head. Sorry for the extended wait! I was swamped with midterms and I didn't want to rush this chapter. Hope this update is worth the wait! Maddie.

**Disclaime****r**: I own nothing. 'La, La, La' belongs to LMFAO

Chapter 4- Homecoming

--Jacob--

I folded my arms across my chest as I stared out at the darkness. The depressing cycle of wetness and frigid temperatures was relentless. For the last three days it had been raining non-stop and I was in desperate need of a little sunshine. The big game was tomorrow and I was driving myself insane with worry. I had prepared as much as I could, but tonight my mind wouldn't let me catch a break. The coach and I went over plays, we watched film of our rivals, and I hadn't worked out too hard today. Which meant that I just needed to _relax_.

I dropped my arms down by my sides and wiggled them out. I was trying to release the tension pressing down on my muscles. I closed my eyes and rolled my head around slowly. The wind whistled shrilly against the glass window as I breathed in and out. I was the quarterback. No one else could do my job for me so I had to have my shit together on the field.

I tilted my head backwards and attempted once again to get in the zone. I closed my eyes and mentally traveled back to high school. The bleachers were packed and I was in the middle of all the action tearing down the field. The opposing team was on my cleats like hounds hungry for blood, but I dodged, jumped, and sprinted towards the goal. We won that night and hearing the crowd scream my name like I was some football god stayed with me until today. I got a quick flash of Leah, Seth, and my dad in the crowd. My dad was wearing his lucky sweater; which was now my own.

I opened my eyes and the football field disappeared along with Leah, Seth and my dad. My stomach growled hungrily. I hadn't eaten all day, which wasn't the best idea. I needed to eat so I could have energy to burn on the field or else I would help Maryland _lose_ the game. I shoved my hands in my pockets and took a seat on the edge of my bed.

I could go to the diner by myself, but I had spent enough time alone today. I sighed heavily and placed my hands securely between my knees. Edward had been gone all day. He and Bella were studying for midterms. They had invited me but I didn't feel like going with them because obviously I would be the third wheel.

The way they looked at each other told me they would be fucking soon. Edward hung onto her every word even when she wasn't saying much. I brought my legs onto the bed and sat Indian style. I was waiting for Edward to come back from studying so we could go to dinner together. Edward was the pick-me-up I needed. He was a good friend and he had this unexplainable calmness to him. He really put me at ease when we were together.

I didn't want to go into my homecoming game, angsty and dark. I tried to make light out of situations even the most fucked up ones, but it was a long hard road tonight. Hopefully he could take my mind off of _everything_.

I racked my hands through my raven hair. I waited for twenty minutes and Edward still hadn't come. My chest rose up and down slowly. I was just going to take a shower and hopefully he would be back soon. In the back of my mind I saw Leah Clearwater standing in my room back home. She was shivering, "Jacob, tomorrow is your homecoming game. You're going to need me."

I closed my eyes purging all thoughts of her. My skin crawled with fire. I hated Leah right now because she was so fucking stubborn sometimes. Why the hell did she have to punish me for not giving her attention? I wasn't always _on_ and neither was she. When things didn't go her way she became a cold-hearted bitch and I didn't want to fucking care…but fuck if I still did.

I rolled my eyes and clenched my jaw tersely. Leah would be the very person to make me fuck up this homecoming game. I bitterly considered the thought of her appearing at my dorm on her broomstick to wave her white flag. She wouldn't though because she had too much pride.

"Fuck you Leah," I said aloud. I glanced over at Edward's side of the room again. I couldn't be mad at him for not being here because he was with Bella. I pulled off my clothes and tossed them into my overflowing laundry basket. Once a towel was around my waist I searched around Edward's closet for his Irish Spring. I had my own bodywash but I just liked the way his smelled.

As I pulled down his caddy I accidentally knocked down a box. The top clattered to the floor and pictures flew outwards landing in a disarray by my feet. "Fuck," I mumbled as I dropped down to scoop up the pictures and place them back in the box. As my fingertips grazed the glossy surfaces I couldn't help but to look at a few. Some of the pictures were of nature, meadows, the sky, and then there were some of Edward with his family or alone.

A smile tugged at my lips as I traced my thumb along the edges. In almost all of the pictures Edward's smile came off as pained or forced. But in the very last picture he was sitting at a desk alone with his hand balled to his mouth and he was smiling. He looked kind of _adorable_. I could only admit that in my head. For some unknown reason I turned the picture over. Neatly scribbled on the back was,

"Of course he takes the best pictures when he doesn't know I'm targeting! Oh migod, who knew he could actually be handsome when he smiled!" Love you Edward. _Smile more_. Alice

I grinned wondering for a second how it would be to grow up with Edward. I flipped the picture over again and I stared at Edward's smile for a few moments. He looked really happy. I wondered what he was looking at. Probably some girl that treated him like a normal person. I allowed my eyes to linger on the picture for only a few more seconds and then I placed it back in the box with the rest.

At least Bella treated him like he was a normal guy. It was almost pathetic how people lost their fucking minds chasing after him because of the way he _looked_. I thought back to the first day we met. I had only noticed Edward because I crashed into him on accident. My sister Rachel and I weren't seeing eye to eye that day, and I couldn't wait to get away from her. Edward of course was right behind me when I tried to make my grand escape.

I crashed into him, and before I noticed his eyes, I saw everyone else's. They were gathered behind him like a flock of bloodsuckers waiting to pounce. Girls were asking loud enough for him to hear, "Who is he?" and even some of the guys were looking. Edward didn't seem to notice any of this.

"Edward," I said quietly to myself. "Fucking Rockstar." I stood up and placed the box safely in the far corner of the top shelf. Someone knocked at the door. I closed Edward's closet door and went to go see who was outside. I wasn't sure at that moment who I wanted to see more Edward or Leah.

When I wasn't so busy trying to convince myself that she was Satan's whore, I knew that I wanted her by my side. This was homecoming. One of the biggest events in my freshman college experience. A lot of people would be looking at me, and expecting me to pull through for Maryland.

I felt like all the pressure of the world was on my shoulders. And I could handle pressure but this…Leah promised that she wouldn't be a bitch during homecoming. I scoffed. _Okay_. I was going to start working on reinforcing the _Leah ban _again because this wasn't working.

_Satan's whore_.

I opened the door and I was tempted to close it as soon as I saw Emmett McCarty.

He looked me up and down and a huge smile spread across his face, "Is this how you always answer the door or did you think I was Edward? Not so subtle are we Jake. Bordering on Jerry Springer trashy."

Who was he to call me trashy?

I offered a sarcastic smile in his direction. His favorite thing to do was assume that I had more than _friendly_ feelings for Edward. "Emmett do I need to call your psychologist? The game isn't until tomorrow so they're going to need to lock your sociopathic ass up for a few more hours."

Emmett licked his lips. "They let me out for good behavior." He looked me up and down, "By the way Black I resent you calling me a sociopath. A _deviant_ is more appropriate here."

"What do you want McCarty?" I asked losing patience.

"Where's Edward?" He asked faking innocence.

His question caught me off guard. I couldn't imagine for the life of me why he was so fixated on Edward. Emmett McCarty had women and _men_ throwing themselves at him left and right. He took advantage of opportunity, bragged freely about how much of a player he was, and rejected anyone that tried to form attachments with him. But yet here he was, big as a bear, looking for Edward. Edward could defend himself but I was compelled to tell Emmett to back the FUCK off.

As I stared him down I placed all my stress and anxiety squarely on Emmett's shoulders. This cocky son of a bitch was trying to use Edward for his sick and demented purposes. At the thought of Emmett even touching Edward I wanted to tackle him and knock the living daylights out of him. My fists clenched and a snarl escaped my mouth.

"Black," Emmett placed his cold hands on my warm skin. "What the fuck man?" His lips were still turned up in a smile even though his eyes registered concern. _False concern_. "Why is it every time I mention Cullen's name you're ready to pimp slap me with your strong hand?" Emmett winked. "It's okay you can admit it you want his family jewels more than _me_."

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that it bled. I searched for an appropriate excuse. The only thing that really made sense to explain my protectiveness of Edward was that he was my friend, and I didn't want Emmett to pray on him. I had seen Emmett fuck guys with girlfriends and use their confusion as a booster for his ego.

I didn't trust him and I definitely didn't want him near Edward. There was nothing wrong with that. "You know what Emmett," I spoke up.

"What Jacob? You want me to come in so we can have sex on Edward's bed." He taunted.

I nodded slowly with the same sarcastic smile. "Emmett I would rather fuck my 50 year old RA."

Emmett whistled and shook his head with a horrified expression. "You mean the bitch who wears her ridiculously blonde hair in pigtails and shops in the Baby Gap section." He laughed. "You'll be cleaning the spiderwebs off your dick for months."

"What the fuck do you want?" I cut off finally. "And don't fucking say Edward or I'll kick your ass from here back to your fucking home in Alaska. You northern bitch."

Emmett pouted, "Why can't we be friends Jake? I come in peace and love."

I arched an eyebrow. He was really working my last nerve.

"Fine," Emmett finally said. "I don't know what the fuck possessed me to pick this up for you," He gingerly reached in his athletic bag and pulled out a sweater of mine. _A very special sweater_.

"What the fuck. How did you…" I backed up and went straight to my bed. I lunged underneath and pulled out my gym bag. I unzipped it and rifled around desperately for the grey football sweater that used to belong to my dad when he was in college. When my search came up empty I was blinded with rage. "You fucking took my sweater." Emmett had reached new lows and I really was going to kick his ass now.

Emmett stared back at me audaciously. "What the fuck do I want with your _musty_ sweater." He threw it at me and it landed on the floor. "Even for me, stealing sweaters is a little grade school. I'd at least up the ante to stealing your gym bag, with the sweater."

I stared back at him still not sure if I believed him. Emmett shrugged flexing his big arms in front of his chest.

"If you wanna believe I stole your ugly sweater then fine Jacob. I'm not trying to impress you anyways." He flicked me off as he turned his back.

"Where did you find it then?" I asked. I wasn't usually attached to clothes. I just wore them because in this society being naked in public was taboo. I preferred nudity. So much in fact that as a kid I used to strip down to nothing but my socks and run around the mall. Eventually my parents had to get me one of those leashes for kids so they could make sure I didn't run off, strip, and embarrass them.

But this sweater was different. My dad gave it to me when I was a freshman in high school. He told me that the sweater brought him luck and he wanted it to do the same for me. I always wore it before big games and I was convinced that the sweater _did_ give me luck.

"Remember when I told you that I saw your boy in the union?" Emmett said leaning against the door.

A guy from my floor walked through the hallway leading to my room and the bathroom. I watched as he politely waited for Emmett to move to the side so he could get through. Emmett pretended not to notice.

"Yo dude." The guy said.

"What?" Emmett asked rudely as if he was oblivious.

"Um…you're kind of blocking the bathroom. You're not exactly tinkerbell."

Emmett glared the guy down and then backed away from the door.

"It's pathetic how you feel the need to intimidate people." I stated.

"Even if I didn't hurl insults I would _still_ be intimidating. You heard the guy I'm no tinkerbell." Emmett answered with a smirk. "But anyways you got pissed off about me talking to Edward…precious Edward remember, let me show you what you did." Emmett came into my room hulking and menacing like he was trying to portray me.

"I didn't invite you in." I pointed out.

Emmett ignored me. "You fucking did what!" He mimicked me with bulging eyes, a throbbing vein in his forehead, and a crazed look fitting for Rosie O' Donnell _after_ Elisabeth Hassleback set her off. "Don't fucking talk to him! Leave him alone. Ahh! I'm so angry! So fucking angry." Emmett stomped his feet and then picked up my pillow. "This is you Emmett! _This is you_!" He threw the pillow down on the ground and dramatically punched it.

I crossed my arms trying not to smile. Because I did feel like doing all those things when he was around. "Done yet?"

Emmett stood up red faced and grinning. "The truth is hard to digest huh? Edward Cullen and his _wiles_ excite you in ways that you can't even begin to imagine."

"Edward and I are just roommates."

"You are more than just roommates." Emmett shook his head, "Because if you were just roommates then you wouldn't transform into that kid from _The Omen_ whenever I so much as looked at Edward."

"And you are a pain in my ass." I raised my sweater. "I never thought I would have to thank you for anything." Actually admitting that Emmett did a nice thing was a sign of the end of the world.

Emmett raised his hand, "Don't thank me because I plan on doing a slew of things within the next week to make you hate me again." He smiled obnoxiously, "Oh and tell Edward to friend me on facebook so I can poke him…with my _giant dick_."

"I won't," I promised.

***

I showered and got ready to head to the diner solo.

Bella and Edward were still _gone_. In between the talk with Emmett and the shower I had worked up more tension. _Fucking Emmett_. I had to lose the stress so I was going to break out the big guns. I had no choice but to let loose.

I went to my computer and turned on my 'Motivated' playlist. 'La La La' by LMFAO filled the room. I nodded my head along to the beat feeling out the rhythm. I went to the middle of the floor between our beds because I didn't want to crash into a desk.

"You got this Jake. You got this." I chanted. Nothing mattered. Not Emmett's obsession with Edward, Leah, or even the homecoming game "She makes me wanna sing La, La, La," I sung horribly. I didn't have a good singing voice in the first place which made it easier to make this a relaxing exercise. I'd sing off key and dance like a spaz with firecrackers in my pants and everything would eventually work out.

I allowed my body to relax. I closed my eyes and felt out the beat. At first I tapped my feet and then my head started to nod up and down. I was a fighter in the ring. The crowed was cheering me on because I was whipping my opponent's ass. I raised my arms and started to box. I squared my feet, and I bounced back in forth. Dodging hooks. Doing insane Matrix movies and then I was dancing.

Now I was Jay-Z on the stage. Rabid fans were screaming my name and I was killing some song. Beyonce was dancing around me. I laughed and my cheeks flooded with warmth. I kept my eyes closed because if I opened them and I saw this room then the relaxation exercise would be over.

While I danced I started to strip off my clothes. It was fucking hot in here. I was moving like the chick in _Flashdance_, not really giving a fuck how ridiculous I looked. A few seconds later all I was wearing was my boxers. The door opened while I was losing my body to the rhythm. For the first time today I managed to take my mind off of the game tomorrow and Leah. So I wasn't stopping now. It was probably just Edward anyways. I couldn't say that I would be embarrassed if he saw me dancing like a maniac to LMFAO.

"Woah MC Hammer," Bella said.

I opened my eyes while I was in the middle of a jump. _Oh fuck_. Edward was with _Bella_. I stopped for a second sweaty and breathless. "Err…what's up guys?"

"Hey," she raised her hands, "Don't stop," she bit her lip hiding her smile, "You were having fun doing whatever that was. Sorry I shouldn't have said anything."

I met Edward's eyes. He eased his bookbag off of his shoulders and placed it on the floor by his closet. He was staring at me intently with a smile. Edward shoved his hands in his pockets. "So is this what you usually do when I'm not here? Next time you might have to put a sock on the door Jake." Edward laughed musically.

I massaged my forehead. My whole body was pulsing with warmth. "I got the game tomorrow so I'm just trying to loosen up." I explained breathlessly. "All day I've been stressing out and I got to relax so I'm whipping out the MC Hammer," I looked at Bella.

"Then dance!" she suggested. "The game _is_ tomorrow. I don't know much about football but I do know that you need to be concentrated." Bella latched onto Edward's arm, "Should we leave." She paused and seemed to think better of her statement. Bella released her fingers from Edward's arm. "Should I leave?"

"No," I didn't want to kick her out just so I could dance. That felt foolish no matter how _stressed_ I was. "I got an idea." A wicked thought came to my mind. "I think maybe if you guys joined me then I might be able to loosen up _completely_."

I stared at Edward. His eyes widened and I grinned wickedly. Come on Cullen show me what you got. I had never seen Edward dance before so naturally my interest was peaked. He made everything else look flawless so I couldn't imagine that he was a horrible dancer. "C'mon?"

Bella's cheeks flushed, "I'll dance but I have to warn you before hand that I'm insanely uncoordinated. One twirl could take us all down."

"Did you see me dancing?" I asked still looking at Edward. I mentally reminded myself to watch out for Bella. One twirl could take us all down. Hmm.

"I saw you and you can actually dance. _I can't_." Bella eased off her sweater and placed it on Edward's bed. "I need to de-stress anyways. All this studying has me dreaming about equations and my professor's thong showing during class." She shivered. "Tragic,"

I smiled and held out my hand for Bella. "By the way no one needs to know about me doing the Bobby Brown in my room okay?"

"Sure," Bella grinned. "We'll start our own underground dance club here. A stressed refuge for football players, dreamboats and his obsessive fans." She rolled her head around to look at Edward, "And _me_."

"Edward?" I asked him. I held out my other hand for him, "It's not like I'm taping this and putting it on youtube."

Edward smiled crookedly and looked down at my hand. "The way I dance is reason for blackmail. She'll probably kick you in the mouth and I'll send you to floor in a fit of uncontrollable laughter."

"Which could be beneficial for you?" Bella pointed out. "Maybe if we posted a video of you dancing like you invented a new dance move, _the seizure_, then your rabid fan girls would leave you alone."

I lunged forward and reached for his hand. "Just close your eyes and feel it." I arched my eyebrows and sung along to a lyric, "You make my life bright cuz you shine, It's me and you baby, it's our time." I meant to sing to the air but my eyes were locked on Edward. His neck crept with fevering blush.

Edward laughed even though he was growing redder. "You sound horrible."

"Dance with me Edward. For homecoming!" I egged on. "Just close your eyes." I watched as Bella followed my instructions and before I knew it she was dancing. I tried not to laugh because Bella didn't have _any_ rhythm. Right off the bat she almost swung her body into my bed, but I gently grabbed her by the arm and moved her away.

For a few moments Edward and I silently laughed at Bella. "Look at her _feet_," I mouthed as she moved like she was stomping out a fire. When Edward was ready to join in he told me to close my eyes, because if he caught me looking he would stop. I pretended to close my eyes and even picked up by mimicking Bella's moves.

After much effort, and the promise that everyone's eyes closed. Edward danced. Watching him relieved my stress more than dancing myself. He was perfect in everyway…_for Bella_…but yet here he was so awkward and almost dare I say it goofy. I tilted my head to the side and watched him admiringly.

Bella threw out an arm excitedly almost _beheading_ me.

"Eyes open," I said quickly before Bella could injure anyone.

We still danced and I sung off key, "_I feel on top of the world wit you baby. I want to dance and party tonight_." Bella pushed Edward between us, and she was dancing wildly in front. I think the _seizure_ was more her move than Edward's. Somehow I ended up being in the back of this 'Edward sandwich.'

Bella kept pushing Edward closer and closer to me. I backed up a few times but damn it if Bella didn't somehow manage to push us up against a wall. Edward's ass was right on my dick now. Whatever she was doing up front, all I saw was hair and arms, was bumping Edward back into me. I was wearing boxers so it was difficult to mask the result of his ass rubbing against my dick. I swallowed and I felt my body start to react to him being so close. I slipped from in between the wall and Edward and I flopped down on my bed, rock hard cock first and tried to appear normal.

"Thanks guys I feel a lot less stressed now," I announced.

Bella clapped her hands, "That was fun but I agree we shouldn't tell anyone about this. Especially not Alice."

I breathed in and out slowly as I stared back at Edward. An inner dialogue was desperately demanding my attention. He was my friend. He made me happy and I had no problems joking with him about sex or getting married, because he was Edward. I made exceptions for him that I didn't make with other guys. Not even my boys back home that knew me since I was a kid.

He made me hard when we were dancing. Fucking hard as a rock. And I was _still_ hard. My eyebrows furrowed. Did I like him? Did I like this guy in more than a friendly way? My stomach churned. No I couldn't. The thought didn't necessarily make me feel sick but instead confused as fuck.

Edward turned off the song and collapsed on his bed. He was laughing. I hadn't seen him laugh like that since I told him I used to watch _Sesame Street_ before going to bed…last year. I left it at that instead of telling him why. My mom used to watch it with me when I was younger. Bella sat down beside him.

"You okay Jake?" She asked noticing how withdrawn I was.

"_Yeah_," I put on my trademark smile. I could laugh it up and act like everything was okay with a tenacity that had caused Leah to nickname me _Smiley_. I could hear her in the back of my head. 'Where is your Oscar Jake? Because you successfully fooled everyone but _me_.'

"I'm starved," I said trying to get the attention off of my mood. I _did need_ to eat. So I could use that as an excuse to get away from them for a little bit. "I can go get us some food. Is pasta okay?"

Bella looked between Edward and I, "Or I could go and get it. I've borrowed your roommate all day. I'm sure you miss him." Bella pinched Edward's cheek. "I know Cullen misses you."

I shook my head. "No it's cool. You and Edward should just chill I'll be back.."

"Well at least take my truck. It's raining out there." Bella reached in her pocket and gave me the keys, "I don't remember where I parked him but he's an extra large guy so you'll spot him with no problem."

I smiled, "Thanks Bella,"

"Sure," she nodded.

***

The elevator doors closed.

I bowed my head and looked down. All I could think about was Edward now. The doors opened. I looked up expecting to see him, but instead I came face to face with Leah. _Oh fuck me up the ass. Fuck._

At first I thought about smiling but then I remembered that she was Satan's whore. It was childish but I had to protect myself. I had a _cursed_ habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve. When I loved someone I gave them my all, every fiber of my being belonged to that person, and Leah did have my heart. We were struggling now because I was trying to take my love back from her. I loved her too much and I didn't want to get hurt.

I gazed upwards at the numbers lighting up. Leah had a laundry basket in her hand, and she was wearing one of my old sweaters and tights. From the corner of my eye I saw her raise the basket; as if that could hide the small heart that I had drawn in sharpie marker right where her heart should be.

We stood in silence for a few moments and then she started to talk.

"Seth asked about you," she said quietly.

Rarely was Leah _demure_. She was always so loud and bossy that I had to look at her. "How is Seth?" I tried to hide all the care that wanted to betray me by looking into her big brown eyes.

"Okay. You're like an older brother to him so…" she shrugged, "He's been getting in a lot of trouble lately, hanging with the wrong crowd."

"What?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"Which is why I asked you to come home with me." She rolled her eyes, "But it's okay I took care of him. I took away his PS3, burned all his porno magazines, and infected his computer with Trojans."

My mouth dropped, "_Leah_,"

She offered me a faint smile, "I know I'm a bitch but I'm not that mean." She looked down and tucked her dark hair behind her ear, "So um…" Leah frowned. "You got your big game tomorrow."

"Yeah," I glanced up towards the numbers again.

"I'm still mad at you." She reminded. "But tomorrow is your day. Kill tomorrow on that field Jacob. I won't be satisfied until you bring me every head on that other team on a silver platter. Got it."

I glanced at Leah. We stared at each other in silence and then I nodded, "Okay,"

The elevator doors opened.

"_Okay_," she whispered back right before bowing her head and walking in the opposite direction.

***

Bella was right her car _wasn't_ hard to find. It was taking up almost two spaces, parked crookedly, and the cars beside it obviously had to tight squeeze into their respective parking spaces. I flattened myself against Bella's car and crept towards the door. It was an even tougher challenge to get inside ol' faithful. When I started the engine Muse filled the spacious interior. _Supermassive Black Hole_ was playing on her radio. I gripped the wheel and sat for a few seconds. I was so used to driving my motorcycle that I had no idea how I was going to maneuver this _tanker_ out of the spot without pulverizing the cars around me.

So I sat for a while and I considered how Bella did this. Thinking about moving the car from the parking space turned into a fifteen-minute reflective state. My mind contemplated the conversation with Leah in the elevator, that hard-on I got from dancing with Edward, and of course as the cycle always ended on the homecoming game.

I turned Muse up louder, rolled down the windows allowing in the cold damp breeze, and reversed out of the parking lot. Bella's truck rattled and the check engine light was on. I mentally reminded myself to check it out for her over the weekend.

I picked up dinner for us at a small Italian shop right off of campus. When I returned I found Edward and Bella on his bed watching _The Exorcism of Emily Rose_. It was almost Halloween so of course all the scary movies were on.

"He's _back_," Edward said dragging out the back like someone in a horror movie I couldn't recall.

I wondered if he felt my dick against his ass earlier? I hoped not because if I couldn't explain it to myself then where would I start explaining to him. "What are you guys up too?" I asked pretending to care. I obviously saw Emily Rose freaking out at demon faces on the screen.

Edward crawled over Bella. He walked past me and grabbed some paper plates and forks from his closet. I took some red plastic cups from underneath my bed. If I didn't have the game tomorrow then I could down a few beers back to back. I looked at Edward who was taking money out of his wallet.

"Yo Georgia," I pointed at him, "Put the money back in the wallet."

Edward smiled handsomely. "Jake, it's on me okay."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

His red lips fixed into a grin that no doubt made women wet. I looked away. "Fine, but the next time dinner is on _me_."

Edward nodded slowly. "I guess I can allow that."

We ate dinner together. Bella turned the channel away from Emily Rose and stopped on a comedy. I glanced at her curiously with a mouthful of pasta. "You didn't have to turn."

Bella smiled, "I turned just in case. You need to get a full night's rest."

***

An hour later Bella had went back to her dorm. I was at my computer looking over the weather for tomorrow. Of course it was going to be rainy and cold _again_. Edward was on his bed reading a book. I glanced over at him. We hadn't talked for the last thirty minutes because I had been in my own world thinking about my Franken_dick_. Truthfully I didn't want him to go to sleep yet. Despite the dancing and dinner I was losing my confidence yet again.

I knew that I was probably worrying more than I should. As soon as I stepped out onto the field and I saw the stadium full of red University of Maryland sweaters, our mascot, the terrapin, dancing around, and the look of determination on my teammates faces I would be in the zone. I racked my hands through my dark hair.

"What are you reading Cullen?" I asked.

He tore his eyes away from the book and looked at me. He seemed eager as well to break the silence. "_Wuthering Heights_."

I frowned, "Are you reading that for leisure or education?"

"Does it matter?" Edward asked softly.

"Not really," I stood up and walked over to my bed. I just wanted to talk to him. Make things normal again and less awkward. I noticed from his lingering stare that always bordered on inquisitive and charming that nothing in his eyes registered a change between us.

"_Class_," Edward explained smoothly.

I folded my arms behind my head and looked up at the wall, "What's it about."

His voice was like velvet. It got underneath my skin. I closed my eyes trying not to focus on what my thoughts meant.

"Well it's about a lot of things."

"What do you like about it?" I asked instead.

"It's complicated," Edward explained after a pause. "It's about love. A woman who is in love with two people. Catherine is in love with Heathcliff and Hareton."

"She's in love with two people huh?" I murmured. I smiled hopefully at Edward, "What a greedy bitch."

"Yeah," Edward said reflectively also grinning.

I considered asking him about Bella. Since that night we all went to dinner, they had been spending a lot of time together. Edward was probably just shy? He wanted to make a move on her but he didn't know how too? I was pretty sure he would tell me if they were already sleeping together.

For some reason I couldn't bring myself to ask him about her tonight.

Edward closed the book and placed it on the press behind him. "You should get some rest."

I smiled, "Honestly I don't think I could rest even if I tried."

"Why not," Edward rolled over on his stomach and placed his arms underneath his chest. "Everyone has faith in you to kill tomorrow." He assured me.

I looked down at my pillow and then stared back at him, "I might ask you to do something for me tomorrow and this might sound fucking weird but…"

"I'll do anything." Edward said without a seconds pause.

_Anything_.

My heart stopped for a second. What was he doing to me? I tore my eyes away from his clear blue eyes. _Those voodoo eyes_. My body betrayed me earlier but yet here I was pushing out beds together. We hadn't slept like this since the night I caught him sleepwalking. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't getting less sleep because I was so worried he would wonder out of Cambridge Hall every night.

Edward watched as I pushed my bed towards his. "Is that okay?" I asked.

Edward remained silent for a few moments.

Shit what the fuck was I doing?

"I don't mind." Edward said crisply. He laid down on his pillow. "Have you talked to Leah?"

My eyebrows furrowed. Instead of answering him right away I crawled underneath the covers. "I saw her in the elevator." I glanced at Edward. His expression was unreadable. Sometimes I got the feeling that he didn't like Leah. I didn't want him to hate her because she was important to me, and so was he.

God my brain was killing me tonight.

"I think you guys still need some time apart before you just get back together." Edward said.

I closed my eyes, "_Maybe_,"

My eyelids were shut but after what felt like an eternity sleep still wasn't coming. I tossed and turned and then I heard Edward humming. I considered opening my eyes to see what he was doing? But I didn't. The sound of his soulful humming was tranquil and when it mixed in with the rain...it was like taking Nyquil.

Instant Knockout.

***

_Leah knocked on my window. _

_I opened it for her. She crawled in dripping wet. I quickly went to get her a blanket and I wrapped it around her arms. "Leah?"_

_"Hey," her teeth chattered._

_"What are you doing climbing into my window when it's raining like that outside?"_

_"Are you going to question me until I _**die**_ from pneumonia or you going to get me some of your clothes?"_

_I took in a deep breath and instead of arguing with her I went to find her a sweater and some of my jogging pants. "Here," I placed it on the bed. "So what's going on." Something was obviously bothering her. _

_Leah smiled even though I could see that her eyes were sad. "You have your homecoming game tomorrow."_

_I shrugged sadly, "And?"_

_"And," she wiped at a tear that slid down her cheek. "Scouts from Maryland, Virginia Tech, and NYU are going to be there for you. What do you mean AND?"_

_I turned my back to her. _

_Leah took off her damp clothes and changed into mine. "Supposedly you've been fucking up all over the place at practice. Jared and Embry told me."_

_"Fuck them."_

_"Jake," Leah grabbed me by the arm and turned me to face her. "I know you're going through a lot right now."_

_My lips formed into a tight grimace. "You should go."_

_"No, you can't dismiss me like I'm Seth."_

_My eyes started to water. Fuck Leah. Fuck. I squeezed my eyes shut because I didn't want to cry. I didn't mind being there for other people when they fell apart, but whenever I did I felt less human. Weak._

_"Look at me," Leah stood in front of me and reached for my hands._

_"Don't touch me,"_

_She grabbed my hands._

_"You're father is dead."_

_"I know." I said wide-eyed surprised that she would bring that up._

_"But that doesn't mean he's gone. He encouraged you to go after your goals. Get a scholarship for college and then pursue your dream of playing professional football."_

_"That dream died with him." I said bitterly. I blinked away the tears. "Leah please just…"_

_"No," she placed her hands to my face and wiped away my tears. "I'm not just one of your boys that you can brush off. You have a game tomorrow and it is so important for you. You're dad is dead but he's going to be watching down from…" Leah paused, "Wherever he is, he's watching you."_

_My face contorted and I thought I would be able to dismiss the wave of tears but I fell apart. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! My shoulders heaved and I was unable to say anything. Leah wrapped me up in her arms. She was so small but somehow she managed to make me feel safe._

_My tears slid down her cheeks. I let her hold me for a minute before I got my act together. "I'm just so tired." I lied._

_I could see now that her eyes were also damp. I didn't want to be the reason why she cried. I leaned forward and kissed away her tears. "Leah I'm okay."_

_"You have to go out there and give it your all Jake. I know that I can't bring back your parents. But I'm here and even if we spend half of the time hating each other I'll never give up on you.." She entwined her fingers in between mine, I have faith in you."_

_"I have faith in you too,"_

_The window opened and freezing gusts of wind and rain swept inside. _

_The flashback was disturbed._

_I tore my eyes away from Leah and I saw Edward standing there. He was shirtless and soaking wet. Edward was holding his hand out towards me. Leah looked at Edward surprised and then she gripped onto my shirt._

_"Don't leave me for him Jake. If you want to destroy me that's all you have to do."_

***

I woke up in the morning. My sheets were tangled around my legs and judging by the way my sheets were falling on the floor it looked like I had a rough sleep. I sat upwards and folded my arms over my raised legs. I had a dream last night and all I remembered was Leah crawling into my room and encouraging me to do my best at the homecoming game last year. Edward was also there but I was unsure why.

Speaking of Edward he was gone _again_.

I got out of bed and went to my closet to take out my football uniform.

The door opened.

"It's game day." Edward announced.

"Yup,"

"I went to the diner early this morning."

When I glanced over at him I realized that he had a tray of food in his hands.

I chuckled, "What did you do steal the tray?"

"How's that for risky? I got you porridge, bread with jam and a banana." He smiled. "The weather is so disgusting so I figured it was the least I could do. By the way I'm going to need the tray back." Edward shrugged and grinned, "Bella wants it for some creep that keeps asking to smell her panties. I think she plans on giving him brain damage with it."

I made a what the fuck face and decided not to ask any questions. "Edward thanks," I bit my lip. That was kind of him to bring me breakfast.

"Eat before it gets cold." He suggested.

I pulled out my uniform and placed it on my bed. "I'm not used to people taking care of me." I said honestly. The truth was that I didn't allow anyone to take care of me. I was very self-dependant and I preferred taking care of others, which was why Leah and I clashed so often.

"Well you're my roomie." Edward's cheeks flushed, "If you lose I'm going to have to hear about it tonight, and I would rather hear your victory speech instead of the alternative."

I peeled off the skin of the banana and took a bite. "You're coming to the game right?" I already knew the answer to that but I just wanted to ask.

Edward smiled as if I had said something highly amusing. "Where else would I be?"

"In the back of Bella's truck knockin' boots." I teased. The joke fell a little flat before it had even escaped my lips.

Edward chuckled. "Most likely not,"

"And hey," I handed him the banana.

He looked at it curiously, "You don't want the rest?"

I shook my head. "Could you throw it away for me?" The trashcan was on his side of the room. Instead of tossing the rest, Edward finished where I left off.

I looked away my cheeks warming. I was _still_ stressed. I just remembered what I was trying to say before he started eating after me. "You can say no to this by the way. What I'm going to ask you."

"Most likely the answer will be yes." He said evenly.

I smiled and looked down my lips parting.

"Yes, yes, yes." Edward joked.

"Let me finish Cullen," My heart skipped a beat. "You know how I told you about my dad." I took a seat on the edge of my bed. Talking with Edward was relatively easy. He listened and I knew that whenever I talked to him, whatever I said mattered. Leah and I rarely talked about my dad, and Rachel and I always got in fights over him.

"You know that sweater I've been wearing around campus all week. The one with the holes."

Edward nodded with a grin, "Yeah, your _rat-tatt_ sweater."

"My what?" I asked.

"It's very…vintage." Edward said kindly.

"It looks like trash but the sweater has been handed down to me from my dad. When he passed away that was all he gave me. I was pissed off at first because I thought I got the short end of the stick. Rachel got the house and the horses, Rebecca got money to travel with and I got a fucking sweater."

Edward leaned forward listening intently.

"It took me a year to appreciate that sweater. You see my dad wore it to all my games in high-school, everyone but the last homecoming game and on because he was already dead by then." I tried not to look at Edward now but for some reason my eyes stayed on his. "I know this is asking a lot but Edward could you wear the sweater to the game for me. Could you bring good luck for me tonight." I grinned because I knew I was asking him to do some corny shit and I needed to come off as if I didn't care when he said no.

Edward stood. "Where is it?"

"It's in my closet." I watched in awe as Edward went into my closet. He found the sweater and slipped it on over his long-sleeved black shirt. All I could say was, "It looks good on you,"

Edward smiled and placed the hood over his tasseled chestnut hair.

***

Hours later I was on the field. The coach was talking but all I could concentrate on was finding Edward. Where was he? I tapped my foot anxiously against the damp soil. The rain impaired my vision. I wiped at the wetness on my eyelashes.

"Jacob!"

Even though her voice was comforting and I wanted her here; I still needed to find Edward. I stood up and turned to face Leah. In the background I saw Emmett trying to get my attention. When I looked at the idiot he started humping a pole and then mouthed, "Oh Leah! Oh Leah! I'm about to cum." I ignored him for the rest of his show.

"Hey," She pulled down the hood of her rain jacket so I could see her face. "How are you feeling Terp?"

She was being so supportive.

"I'm okay," I said still actively looking for my Edward.

Leah pulled a heart shaped necklace from her pocket.

It was her good luck charm. She had given it to me to wear my last homecoming game in high school.

"Wear this." She said. Leah didn't give me a chance to object because she was already putting the necklace on me. "Break all the bones you can okay. And not your bones…_theirs_," she growled towards the other team huddling around each other.

I smiled and nodded, "I will."

"Promise?"

"Swear,"

Leah balled her fist and tapped it against mine. "I'll be cheering you on." She put her hood back on and turned away from me. I watched her make her way back up the stands. I missed her.

Emmett joined me, "Cheating on Edward _already_ with the ex."

"Fuck off," I grimaced.

Emmett started to growl making fun of me again. "Don't even say Edward's name or I'll kick your ass you _northern bitch_!" Emmett guffawed like a hyena and placed his hands on my shoulder. "Right now we're on the same team." Emmett glanced right over my head, "You see that ugly bitch on the other team, the snaggle-tooth one with the cock-eyed sneer he's been glaring at me for a while now. I'm gonna whip his ass from here to Montreal." Emmett drummed his hands on my back. "Are you ready _quarterback_?"

I would have to take off the gloves for now because Emmett and I _were_ on the same team. "Yeah," I continued searching for Edward.

"Good. Because I want all the glory…and unfortunately I need you to shine in order for me blind all these people with my awesomeness." Emmett tilted his head to the side. "Awesome Emmett that has a nice ring to it."

I watched as Emmett walked ahead of me. "What's that _southern peach_ doing wearing you're prized sweater like it's some kind of fucking jersey with your name on the back." Emmett clapped his hands on his knees. "I don't think little Leah is going to like that."

"Where is he?" I asked trying to hide the eagerness to find him.

"Over there with his new _girlfriend_ Bella Swan." Emmett chuckled, "I don't think she'll like her boyfriend fucking you and her at the same time, unless ya'll freak nasty's like a little threesome action."

I turned out Emmett. His mouth was still moving and I knew he was telling some crude joke but I didn't care. I was confused still about what happened last night but I couldn't worry about that now. All that mattered was I was on this field and the two most important people were here. Leah and _Edward_.

For a brief second it was just Edward and I. The stadium had emptied and it was still raining. I was looking up at him from the field, and he was staring down at me. We were alone and I felt completely at ease.

Coach started talking and I was brought back to reality. The Maryland students were on their feet and cheering, but the only person I saw was Edward, he was waving to me. Bella was beside him wearing a Maryland sweater. I saw her trip, but Edward caught her before she could fall into a crowd of students.

I looked away.

I turned around and found Leah on the other side of the stadium. She was sitting near the front and she was watching me too. I smiled. I was ready to do this.

Emmett clapped me on the back, "Daddy wants a victory Black. Make me proud and I'll promise not to thwart your budding romance with your Georgia peach for a little while longer." His promise sounded empty. At least I was starting to master the skill of _no comment_ with him.

I gazed up towards Edward again.

I wanted to win this game for _him_ because he was wearing my dad's sweater. And that meant the world to me.

--Jacob--

As always **Review** darlings:)

* * *

Big thank yous to everyone that dropped me a review for the last chapter. Every review counts, because you're feed even if it's a awesome story, keep writing means the world. I'll probably say that every time so I hope you guys don't get tired of me!

**robpat**- Thanks for reviewing! Maryland is a great school! Hope you get in.

**xSheshemex**- 'golden treasure' that is quite the compliment. I smiled from ear to ear when I read your review. Thanks a lot:)

**scenekidmasochist**- Hmm…does Jake like Edward? What do you think? **smiles. **He is definitely confused and feels something but at this moment he can't really pinpoint what that feeling is. In Chapter 2, the hug Jake gave Edward was real. He was trying to get to Leah. Emmett and Jacob will eventually fight over Edward. And I'm pretty sure Rosalie will make her way into this story, but Victoria I'm not so sure about. Because whenever I think of her…I just think of this straight up wicked character. Thanks for your reviews!

**GoinnGaGa**- I'm glad you appreciated the use of 'disco stick' lol. Love your screen name and Lady GaGa as well. Thanks for your review!

**Kellie Stults**- Aww thank you so much for your review! It really encourages me to keep going with this story when I read reviews like yours. When I was writing the scenes where Edward was about to confess I kept thinking he could just tell him now, and in the last chapter he was actually supposed to tell him. But then I realized he needed more time and so did Jake.

**iTouch User 78%** - You seriously ROCK! Thank you so much for making my day with your review. New Moon is one of my favorite books so you should definitely finish it. I rolled over laughing when I read your comment about New Moon taking the dusty shelf compared to my little story. I really, really appreciate your kind words. And you're suggestions were so great. You DID play a part in the planning and writing of this chapter. When it comes to this story being Long no worries, as long as there are people still enjoying this story I will continue. I'm not a fan of short stories so no worries. And Jacob was the king of playing dumb this chapter, "Bella and Edward!" ha. Thanks so much again for your lovely review!

**Arngerabit-39**- Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I love twists, and it makes me happy to hear that you actually look forward to reading this. I hope this chapter was long enough for you.

**Isolated1**- Lol. Jacob is a big flirt. I think he'll definitely be as cautious as he can with Edward's heart. And we can make flirty-ness a word ;)Thanks for reviewing!

**Utena-Puchiko-nyu**- Thanks for reviewing! And kisses from America. Emmett was a bit of a jerk in the last chapter and even here. He definitely won't be one of the characters you like right away. And you're the only person that commented on Elizabeth. Very insightful! But of course I can't tell you any spoilers;) Thanks so much for your suggestions and comments.

**Gypsysue**- I hoped you liked the dose of bed snuggling this update. And Emmett will be great for making Jake be more dominate and protective over Edward…because Emmett is making it clearer that he has intentions for Edward. Thanks so much for reviewing!

**petalsxonthexwind**- Beautiful screen name. Thank you so much for your review and I really appreciate your comment about my version of Jacob and Edward.

**Mbcatattack**- I'm glad I could relieve you of current events for a little while. I really appreciate your review.

**Applepanic**- I don't think I know you lol! I think it's awesome that you can relate to this story or at least the first 3 chapters! Thanks for dropping a review.

**Bigdogz09**- That's a HUGE compliment being how big the Twilight fandom is. You're awesome. Thank you.

**starry-nights88**- I have a lot more planned for Emmett in this story but Jacob currently has a shotgun with his name on it! And as for Leah and Jake…unfortunately they aren't over, but neither are Edward and Jake since this story is all about THEIR love and their journey to get to one another and overcome obstacles. Thank you for your review!

**Rhondeez**- I'm glad you liked the last chapter, especially Emmett and Bella. Thanks for reviewing!

**rickiebeaumont**- LMAO at your comment about Jacob stepping up (or out!) With Emmett waiting to 'attack' Edward, Jake doesn't really have a choice. Thank you for your review.

**Mia-dcwut- 09**- Aww thanks for your review! When Edward meets Jake's friends he obviously will be jealous, because he already has a world of competition with Leah.

**Rebelwilla**- Emmett wants him some Edward lol.

**Lillikitty**- I love writing flashback scenes because it helps to explain how the characters got to where they are now. Glad you enjoyed reading that. I smiled when I read that you preferred Jake as the sub, but in my story it didn't bother you that Edward was in that role. Thank you sooo much for reviewing:)

Also thanks to **kikano** and **marieXcullen** for reviewing! Hope I didn't miss anyone. If I did I'm so sorry! Until the next update. –Maddie.


	5. Threesome

**AN**: You guys are all truly awesome. The support for last chapter was sooo amazing that I actually decided to rewrite 'Homecoming' from Edward's point of view. The next update was supposed to come sometime next week since it would be Halloween themed but I thought you guys deserved an early update for being so supportive of this little story. Also I think it'll be interesting to read just how differently Edward interpreted Jacob's actions. Rosalie makes an appearance in this chapter, and I do want to state though that she and Emmett aren't in a relationship, and they have no desire to be in one. I'm sorry if there are any hardcore Emmett/Rosalie shippers reading this story! But thank you so much again everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'm feeling a little under the weather so forgive me if my responses to the reviews at the end sound a little loopy. - Maddie.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

Chapter 5- Threesome

--Edward--

**The Day Before Homecoming**

McKeldin Library was packed. I took one glance around at the expressions of excruciating pain, and much needed sleep, and the dread of midterms increased. Bella and I had been circling around the throng of desks for a place to get some work done for the last fifteen minutes. She was moving faster than I had ever seen her move before. While I was walking behind her sluggishly caught up in my own thoughts. My mind as usual was on Jacob. His game was tomorrow and I knew how much it meant to him. He was nervous and I didn't know what to do to ease his worries.

I wanted to kiss him and let him know that he was the best. But for obvious reasons I couldn't do that. Anger slowly rose in my chest at the thought of not being able to comfort him. Right before Bella and I came to the library I watched Jacob desperately try to distract himself. He attempted to clean his side of the room but that only lasted for five minutes. Underneath his bed _alone_ would've demanded an entire day of cleaning without breaks. Next he tried to study but that resulted in him falling asleep on his textbook.

"_There_!" Bella screamed loudly.

A group of people at the desk in front of us eyed her with contempt. I was pulled out of my worrying about Jacob cycle. "What?" I had no idea what she was yelling about.

"Edward," she gripped onto my arm, "A desk. We've only been walking in circles for the last twenty minutes trying to find one." As we walked towards the desk she had another outburst. "No, _no_!"

"What now?" I asked completely confused.

Her expression darkened.

Since Bella provided no response. I turned my head in the direction she was looking. A big guy was jogging, actually running towards our desk. He kept glancing between Bella and I with bulging eyes as if we were emptying out his refrigerator.

_Man it wasn't that serious_.

I was about to suggest that Bella and I go back to my dorm to study; but then I realized that mid-term craziness had her in its chokehold as well.

It happened in slow motion. I watched speechlessly as she eased her book bag from around her shoulders. Bella's lips thinned and her concentration focused on the desk. She let out a grunt and then heaved her bag towards the table.

_Fuck_. Bella had completely lost it.

Somehow she managed to land the bag squarely in the middle of the desk.

"Ours," she called aloud as she snagged the table for us.

I continued to give her the crazy eye as we made our way over to the sacred table. The big guy walked past breathing heavily and flicked us off. "Everyone is losing their minds today," I commented. "Including you."

Bella narrowed her eyes, "Well then Cullen what's your secret? You don't seem stressed at all about midterms."

I honestly wasn't. I gingerly pulled some textbooks out of my book bag. "Well I'm not."

A teasing smile remained on Bella's pretty features. "Uh huh," she clicked her tongue, "So how is Jacob?"

Our eyes met. Bella was giving me this inquisitive look that suggested that she knew I wanted Jacob to jump my bones in the worst way. I usually would shift into silent mode or change the subject right about now but for some reason I was driven to allow Bella to probe further. "He's stressed about the game tomorrow." I responded.

Bella tucked her hair behind her ear. I watched as she made a pained expression in the direction of her Math Book. "Edward."

"Bella,"

"Entertain me. Alice is your twin sister right?"

"Yes,"

Bella's lips puckered out as she tapped her pencil against her rosy cheek. "Usually I wouldn't just come out and say this because you're my friend and I don't want to offend you."

My stomach churned anxiously. I waited for what felt like an eternity before Bella finally got what she needed to say off her chest. I fully anticipated her asking me if I was gay.

"You're gay right?" She asked all in one breath. Bella's hazel orbs searched mine. "And it's okay if you are. I don't care."

I bit my lip. Bella reached out to touch me. I looked down at her hand on mine contemplatively. I knew that she would ask sooner or later because she picked up on the same signs as Emmett. I got a mental image of Alice sulking away from me because I didn't tell her first. She would argue that we were twins. We were family and she was the last to know.

I _could_ feel guilty for not telling Alice a long time ago that I was gay, but honestly I never had any reason to. I wasn't in a relationship or having sex with guys in high school. A year ago, I was just living life and going through the motions of trying to get into a good college. I was attracted to guys, but there wasn't someone back home like Jacob who made me feel so intensely. If there were then I probably would've told Alice.

Bella squeezed my hand harder. I had forgotten that she was waiting for a response. All I could do was nod because it felt incredibly trite to answer 'yes' after years of keeping this part of myself hidden.

"Alice was talking to me last night about you." Bella started.

I assumed she was pimping me out again. Usually I would joke about Alice collecting the cash with her diamond-encrusted gloves for pimping me out but I couldn't joke now. In Bella's eyes I saw trust. I held the truth that I was gay close to my heart because it was me, it was a piece of my soul that not everyone deserved to know.

And it wasn't because I was ashamed. I was just closed.

"We were laying in bed and after a marathon of Jasper Whitlock garble she asked me if I had ever been in love. I told her no, and that made her smile because she said that you hadn't been in love either. She then jumped into this epic conversation about why she tries to find girls for you and she said it was because you are her brother and she wants someone to take care of you." Bella smiled, "Supposedly Edward you drop everything for the people you love and forget about yourself too often."

My leg was nervously tapping. "She told you all that," I finally managed.

"Breathe," Bella whispered. "Watch me," she waved her hands in front of her chest and sucked in a mouthful of air. When I didn't pick up on her lead, Bella tilted her head to the side, "Don't act like you're too good to follow."

I smiled sheepishly and took in a deep breath.

Bella moved her mouth to the side, "The strange thing though is I don't think Alice even suspects your gay?"

I shrugged, "She wouldn't because usually I tell her everything…or mostly everything. Just never that." My heart was still racing and my palms felt unbelievably sweaty underneath Bella's hand. "So what gave me away?" I attempted somewhat normal conversation.

"I have a confession of my own," Bella removed her hand. "I…" she paused and looked down and laughed. "I had a bad case of _Edward fever_ like the other stupid girls around here when I first saw you. Alice told me you wrote poetry, played the guitar and the piano, and it didn't hurt that you were easy on the eyes." Bella shook her head obviously trying to quickly get to the point.

"Coming from Forks, Washington it's pretty easy to get used to the slow pace of things. I can't say that I've ever been a go-getter so I planned on making some changes here. I was going to be more outspoken, and actually make things happen instead of sitting around and waiting for them. And when I saw you I planned on becoming your friend and then making you fall in love with me." Bella's face reddened. "I was a stupid girl."

"Stop with the Bella bashing." I said slightly humored by her plan to make me fall in love with her. If I was straight and into _vagina_ then I could see that.

"But when I noticed the way you looked at Jacob like this tortured schoolboy in love with his best-friend. I realized that your heart belonged to _him_." Bella tilted her head to the side, "That night when we were sitting in the back of my truck all I could think about was how I wish someone would look at me like you look at Jacob…like he's your everything."

There was another moment of silence.

I opened my mouth to speak but the words caught in my throat.

Emmett McCarty strolled into the library with his bookbag tossed over his strong shoulders. I tried not to look at him because I didn't want him to come over to our table. I definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with Emmett after the conversation Bella and I just had. There was still so much that needed to be said. But I wasn't sure if I could get into great detail with Bella about my feelings for Jacob now.

"What are you looking at?" Bella asked. She glanced over her shoulder at me and smiled "Emmett? Do you think he's cute?"

I scowled, "No I _don't_," I answered quickly. I was offended that she would ask me that. "You know him?"

She nodded, "Yeah,"

I expected her face to sour in distaste but her expression remained strangely void of reaction.

"Dude," Emmett tapped a guy on the shoulder with jet-black hair and a backwards Ravens cap.

"Yeah?" The guy asked raising his head.

"Do you drive the black Jetta?"

The guy's back grew rigid. "Yeah." He looked worried.

"With the license plate Sparkle?"

"_Yeah_." Each yeah grew higher and higher.

Emmett looked down and shook his head dramatically, "Bro, this grandma was backing her ancient weapon of mass destruction _hooptee_ up and your car was in the way. The bitch didn't even try to do a three-point turn! She slammed on the gas, fucked your shit up, and went about her business singing to Marie Osmond. Your bumper is on the fucking ground."

"My Jetta!" The guy gasped. He jumped up.

"_Hey_!" Emmett stopped him because he was already on his way out the door. "Don't forget your textbooks. I hear midterms make five finger discounts reach all time highs." Emmett handed him his books. "Good luck Emo kid."

With a self-satisfied smirk Emmett took the now deserted desk. "Well that was easy." He said loudly.

"He's an asshole," I commented.

"Emmett?" Bella rolled her eyes, "He's harmless."

"Bella?"

"Hey, I would be failing this class if it wasn't for him." She slammed her hand on the math textbook like it had personally wronged her. "He's not so bad."

I didn't even attempt to question her. We could see eye to eye on everything _but_ Emmett apparently.

I opened my notebook and started to review over the notes I had scribbled down during the last _Wuthering Heights_ lecture. I knew that book like the inside of my hand since it was one of my favorites but my English professor was really good at making me search for new themes in the novel.

Suddenly the typing of keyboards, shuffling of papers, and quiet conversation was silenced due to loud rap music filling the space. I looked up dumbfounded. Emmett had kicked his legs up on the desk and he had placed a boombox beside his fresh Nike's.

"What the fuck?" I groaned. "This is a _library_."

"Can you turn the music down you idiot?" A stunningly beautiful blonde barked as she threw a pen at Emmett.

"Bite me Rosalie," Emmett delivered with a grin.

"I'll pass," she scowled, "Biting you might result in rabies or even worse a sexually transmitted disease."

Rosalie's snide comment didn't falter Emmett's dimpled smile.

"Young man," A librarian stated with an offended tone. "This is a library not the _street corner_. Turn off that garbage or else I will…"

"Spank me?" Emmett asked. He arched his eyebrows. "I haven't been spanked by an older woman since my _mama_."

Rosalie stood up and yanked the cord from the socket. "Some of us don't have a photographic memory so we actually need to study and concentrate." She leered down at him and then smacked him upside the head, "_Idiot_,"

Everyone in the library took a hiatus from studying to watch Emmett. "Is that his girlfriend?" The words had slipped out of my mouth before I could control them. I hated Emmett so what did it matter if Rosalie was his girlfriend or not? Someone needed to tell him off besides just Jacob and I.

"No," Bella said quickly. "She's his roommate. They're not dating…just friends."

"_Friends_,"

"Not all friends play house like you and Jacob." Bella said smiling.

My cheeks warmed.

I took my eyes off of Emmett and Rosalie and started studying again. Studying was an epic fail because the entire time Bella kept tapping her pencil against the desk. Just when I was about to politely ask her to stop she turned around, "Emmett," she called.

"Bella what are you doing?" I whispered.

"I'm not getting any of this shit." She trailed her hands through her chestnut hair. "I just need help on this one problem."

"I can help you." I offered quickly.

"No," she tilted her head to the side, "You're sweet. _Study_. I already distracted you enough." Bella reached in her bag for a pack of twizzlers. Emmett was listening to his Ipod now, singing aloud, but even Rosalie wasn't paying him any more attention. Bella tossed a twizzler at Emmett's head.

He looked up.

I saw him smile at Bella. She waved him over.

Emmett stood up, "Listen up _kiddies_. If anyone tries to take my seat I'm breaking bones in ABC order." He sauntered over to our table. Now that he was this close it was impossible to ignore him. I was realizing now that I was _still_ sore about him calling me Jacob's whore on the side.

"Bells,"

I felt like I was in the _Twilight Zone_. He called her _Bells _and she let him? Where was I when they forged this _satanic_ friendship?

Bella made a face that read she didn't like being called Bells. "Emmett did you do the study guide?"

"Years ago." He answered breezily. Always cocky as ever.

Bella pulled out a chair. "I'll pay you in twizzlers if you help me."

Emmett nodded without hesitation. "Sure," Emmett proceeded to go over a few problems with Bella. I listened waiting to catch him in a mistake so I could correct him. But Emmett's mathematics was flawless.

Thirty minutes later Emmett left us and went back to his table. The entire time he tutored Bella he didn't look at me once. He didn't sneer, make any crude statements, or grab his crotch like I'd seen him do a few times whenever I accidentally looked over in his direction.

Bella was now nodding her head as she looked down at her study guide while writing out math problems. _Emmett actually helped her_. Probably better than I could. I watched as he gathered his stuff to leave.

"Hey Rosalie," He said.

"I'm studying Emmett."

"I want steak tonight. Have it ready by the time I get home." He was grinning.

Rosalie raised her head slowly and I was sure she was going to spew projectile vomit on him. "Excuse me."

"_Steak_," Emmett repeated. "With pie, you make excellent pie."

"What the fuck do I look like? Marva Maid." She growled. "If you want steak it's in the freezer with all the other food you don't cook. Now leave me alone before I _Lorena Bobbitt_ you." A few guys sitting beside her gasped and promptly scooted away.

Emmett protectively placed his hands over his cock, "Not the moneymaker, baby." This time he did look at me.

I looked away.

***

"Are you sure it's okay if I come in?" Bella asked as I searched around for my keys.

"Yeah why wouldn't it be?"

"Because," Bella folded her arms. "You like Jacob, and I think he like's you too."

If only it was that simple. "Well Jacob still has _Leah_," I said Leah's name with more malice than I intended.

"So. The town gossip aka _Alice_ says that they're on the outs."

I shrugged off the rest of the conversation because I found the keys. Right before going in I noticed that someone had written, "_Emmett wuz here_" on our dry erase board. He must've stopped by as soon as he left Bella and I at the library. My eyes widened and I suddenly had the urge to rip the door from the hinges. I didn't want Emmett anywhere near Jacob, because I already had to compete with Leah!

I threw the door open.

"Where's the fire?" Bella joked.

I stepped inside breathless like a spouse trying to catch their husband or wife cheating. But Emmett wasn't in the room. Just Jacob and music. My accelerated heart slowed and all I could do was stand there speechless and enamored as Jacob danced wildly in his boxers. I chuckled. I definitely wasn't expecting to see this. Where was my camera when I needed it?

With every movement he made his washboard abs and defined muscles flexed offering me a show that was making me hard as shit. I tried to take my eyes away from him for a second but his body was like a magnet that commanded my _attention_.

"Woah MC Hammer," Bella commented.

Jacob immediately stopped dancing.

I stared down at his boxer briefs where I could clearly see the outline of his dick. He was sweaty and breathing heavily like he just had sex. I looked away _again_ because if he didn't put on some clothes then I wouldn't be able to control my actions. Jacob started explaining to Bella why he was dancing. He looked between us and then finally his dark eyes stayed on me.

"I got an idea," Jacob said. If only he could get into my head then life would be so much easier. "I think maybe if you guys joined me then I might be able to loosen up completely."

Join him with what? Dancing? The thought alone was almost laughable being that my dancing skills were comparable to Bella's walking. A downright shame. Laws should be put in place to prohibit me from dancing. No way. There was no one I wanted to impress more than him and if he saw me dance then I minus as well use the shotgun I had been saving for Emmett on _me_.

I saw Bella slide over to Jacob. She had agreed to dance with him? I still wasn't going to dance. "The way I dance is reason for blackmail. _She'll_ probably kick you in the mouth and I'll send you to the floor in a fit of uncontrollable laughter."

I thought if I was easy going then Jacob would let it go but I was wrong. He surprised me by reaching for my hand. The feeling of his skin against mine burned and I felt more inclined to do what he said if that meant he could touch me longer. _Anything but dance_. Even if he slid his hands into my pants right here. I still wasn't going to do it.

"Just close your eyes and feel it," He whispered.

My heart was doing fucking backflips now. Behind Jacob I could see Bella pressing her index fingers together to insinuate Jacob and I kissing. A fever was coming on as I looked down at his full lips. He suddenly started to sing horribly off key. I had to laugh. Leave it to Jacob to pick up on the weakness that I tried to hide so well, and make me feel comfortable.

"Dance with me Edward. For _homecoming_!" His voice lowered and grew irresistibly huskier. We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments. I could see that he was stressed because even though he was smiling his eyes looked far away. He _needed_ this. Damn it Jacob. Only for you. Luckily for me Bella closed her eyes and started to dance first breaking the ice. God she was going to kill someone with those moves.

Jacob and I silently laughed at her.

"Okay," I finally gave in.

"Yay!" Bella squealed throwing up her arms. Both Jacob and I dived out of the way.

"But close your eyes. If I catch you watching me." I bit my lip to hide my smile. "I'll _stop_,"

"I promise," He placed his hand to his heart and then he started to dance.

He was grinning like a fool and moving his arms and legs without a care in the world. Even if he was trying to dance horribly, he wasn't convincing, because he _could_ actually dance. I loosened up my body and convinced myself that it was okay to show Jacob why even my _parents_ bragged about having better dance moves than me.

I nodded my head and allowed my legs to feel out whatever rhythm they could. I felt like I was dancing on _stilts_. I considered raising my arms but then I realized I wouldn't know what to do with them so I let them hang like wet noodles. While I danced (if you could call it that) I kept feeling whooshes of air fly past my face. I suspected that any moment Bella might accidentally land a karate robot chop on my head.

"Eyes open," Jacob announced.

I opened my eyes and the first person I saw was him. He was looking at Bella like she was Marilyn Manson with a baby in his hands. I assumed that he saw her trying to kill us both with her spastic dance moves. We didn't stop dancing however. Bella snaked her way in front of me and before I knew it she was having a full out dancing attack.

If she wanted to leave the old Bella back in Forks, she was definitely succeeding…one body convulsion at a time. Before I knew it I was pressed up against Jacob. I could feel his muscles on my back and his dick…Bella was doing some move that kept backing my ass up into crotch.

I closed my eyes and I suppressed the urge to groan.

My cock was rising against my wishes because my hard on wasn't intended for Bella. Sweat formed along my hairline as I considered how I could get out of this sandwich. Bella suddenly stopped dancing when she backed her ass up into my dick.

"_Oh_," she said quietly.

By that time Jacob had already dived onto his bed.

I bit my lip anxiously. He couldn't wait to get away from me. I went to the computer and turned off the song. I forced myself to laugh jovially like I actually enjoyed dancing. I couldn't bring myself to look at him first because I didn't know what he was thinking, and then I realized that I had to look. Jacob was smiling, but there was something else behind his eyes. It looked like worry to me.

***

Shortly after the dancing travesty Jacob went to go pick up dinner for us. Bella and I sat on my bed. She appeared to be plagued with guilt.

"I'm so sorry Edward."

I closed my eyes and gave her a kind smile. "Bella you did nothing wrong."

"I did the _booty clap_ on you." Bella placed her hand to her mouth mortified, "I was trying to get you close to Jake and that was the only way…oh god I didn't mean to make tonight totally awkward."

"It wasn't," I said honestly. I stood up and went to the heater. The hum of it turning on broke the temporary pause. "So do you understand math better?"

Bella's eyebrows furrowed. I could tell that she wanted to talk more about the booty clap that resulted in a _threesome_ and Jacob running. But I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I actually couldn't wait for the night to be over.

***

When Jacob returned we all ate dinner together and watched _Nancy Grace_. That was a good thing because Jacob and I always got a kick out of the way Nancy Grace yelled at her guests and cut them off during conversation. During the commercials Jacob did most of the talking. I was silent and Bella was probably still embarrassed about dancing, but that didn't deter Jacob.

Bella didn't leave to soon after dinner. I told her that I would call her in the morning so we could get breakfast or something. And then I committed myself to finding out where Jacob's head was in regards to homecoming and lastly _me_. I had no such luck though because once Bella left Jacob went straight to his computer. I glanced quickly at him while I sat on my bed. His eyes were dead set on the screen. He had never treated me like this before. I felt like he was shutting me out. That was more of a tactic used by me than him. Jacob was always open.

I dejectedly pulled _Wuthering Heights_ out of my bookbag and started to read. If we weren't going to talk the least I could do was try and distract myself. I had read the same page four times before Jacob finally said something to me.

"What are you reading Cullen?" He asked.

I answered, "_Wuthering Heights_." And folded my page in the book relieved to get some attention from him. My stomach twisted at the all too present thought of how much control I allowed him to have over me. He asked me questions about _Wuthering Heights_ and I answered, not surprised that he didn't have the faintest clue that the story was a classic.

"You should get some rest." I suggested. Even though I wanted to talk to him, it was more important that he got rest than me getting peace of mind.

Jacob smiled.

I couldn't help but to smile with him. There was my Jacob.

"Honestly I don't think I could rest even if I tried."

"Why not?" I adjusted my body. I was starting to think that the problem wasn't me, but his stress once again. He was internalizing everything and trying to sort things through on his own. I needed to remind him that I was here. "Everyone has faith in you to kill tomorrow."

Jacob stared back at me as if I had just said the most prolific thing ever. What did I say? I _did_ have faith in him. That was no secret. He was so clueless. I wished I could make him see how much faith I actually had in him.

"I might ask you to do something for me tomorrow and this might sound fucking weird but…" He looked so nervous.

I did my best to ease his anxiety by telling him with complete conviction, "I'll do anything." I felt like we were stepping back into familiar territory.

Jacob jumped up and he pushed our beds together.

I watched him silently. I could breathe easier now. But I was curious to know what was it that he wanted to ask me? A few minutes later I realized that Jacob had most likely decided against it.

"Is that okay?" He asked gesturing towards the beds.

_Of course it was okay_. "I don't mind," I finally said. I rested my head against my pillow as I watched him settle into bed. Time was slipping away from me. "Have you talked to Leah?"

Jacob took a little too long to answer. He crawled underneath the covers and made himself comfortable. "I saw her in the elevator,"

His response hit me like a bag of quarters to the face. What if they got back together tomorrow? While I sat here waiting for the right time to announce my feelings what if Leah decided that the war was over? The thought alone was too crippling to contemplate so I had to let it slide. I could try to be like Bella and leave the old Edward behind in Savannah. Take chances and maybe even be slightly irresponsible, but at the end of the day I knew I couldn't do that.

With loving Jacob came realizing with much discomfort that Leah was the first love of his life. She was his history and I couldn't change that. I would fight for him. I would go out in a blaze of glory if Jacob gave me a reason to fight, a kiss maybe, I would fight if he kissed me.

I chose my words carefully. "I think you guys still need some time apart before you just get back together."

He nodded and then I saw him close his eyes.

Even if I wasn't in love with him I would've suggested the same thing.

Jacob was unable to go to sleep right away. I watched him toss and turn and I heard him sigh heavily and grind his teeth. He _needed_ to rest for tomorrow. I had an idea. When I was younger Alice and I used to be obsessed with scary movies. At nighttime I would stay with Alice until she went to sleep because she got so scared. I tried to be the tough one and act like I wasn't afraid of Chucky's little feet running across the room or Freddy Krueger invading my dreams, but I was. And Carlisle would always stay with me until I fell asleep.

I could hear him now.

"So after you saved everyone else. Who is going to protect you little hero?"

He stayed with me until I fell asleep and the later it got the more tactics he used like singing, reading, or telling me about his day at work to make me go to sleep.

I couldn't exactly read to Jacob or tell him about my day because that didn't translate well in this situation. I stole a glance at his angelic face and then I started to hum. This was the closest I had come to singing in years. I kept humming his own special song until I saw his chest rise up and down evenly.

"Night little hero," I whispered softly. I watched him for a little while before I fell asleep myself.

***

The next morning I woke up early to get breakfast with Bella and bring some back for Jacob. When I came back in the room I found Jacob pulling his football uniform out of the closet.

"The weather is so disgusting that I thought I would bring breakfast to you." I replied.

"Edward thanks," He said slowly. I could tell that he really appreciated it.

Jacob was obviously famished because he went right for the food.

"And _hey_," He handed me the banana he was eating to toss in the trash. "You can say no to this by the way. What I'm going to ask you."

I felt like we were having a repeat of the conversation we had last night. "Most likely the answer will be yes." I figured I would simplify his life for him. The answer would most likely be yes anyways.

Jacob looked down at the floor and smiled.

"Yes, yes, yes." I encouraged.

"You know how I told you about my dad?"

I nodded.

"That sweater I've been wearing around campus all week. The one with the holes it belongs to my dad. It took me a year to appreciate that sweater. You see my dad wore it to all my games in high-school, everyone but the last homecoming game and on because he was already dead by then. I know this is asking a lot but Edward could you wear the sweater to the game for me. Could you bring good luck for me tonight?"

I definitely wasn't expecting him to ask me _that_. I couldn't answer right away because I needed a few minutes to let it sink in that he wanted _me_ to wear his dad's sweater. All week Jacob had been wearing it and I wondered why, but now that I knew, I understood.

He wouldn't just let anyone wear that sweater I knew that much. So I was someone…one of the top someone's because even Leah wasn't the first choice to wear it. I couldn't even begin to express my honor that Jacob would allow me to wear something so emotionally attached to his heart. I stood up, "Where is it?"

It's in my closet."

I didn't waste any time in going to Jacob's closet and locating the sweater. It smelled like him, and of course like me since he started a daily regimen of using my body wash. I slipped it on over my black shirt and placed the hood over my head and smiled.

"It looks good on you," he whispered.

***

A few hours later I knocked on Bella's door because we were going to the game together. I heard some shuffling inside and then Bella answered. She placed her hand to her mouth signaling for me not to say anything.

"Oh hey _Jasper_," she said calmly.

"Shit!" I heard Alice squeal somewhere out of sight. Her voice was followed by running footsteps and then a door closing.

Bella smiled in amusement, "Opps sorry for the false alarm. It's just your twin."

"Bella Sawn," Alice grumbled.

I stepped into the girl's toasty room. Alice's side was nauseatingly pink. She had posters of hot guys hanging up, funky decorative furniture to liven up the white walls, and pictures of us on her desk. I watched amused as she opened the closet door and slipped out with her green avocado mask on, and strips of foil in her hair. "ET phone home." I joked.

Alice rolled her eyes because she was used to me making fun of her various face masks. "Hey Edward. Please hurry up and take Isabella Swan to the game. Pretending that you were Jasper was a wicked thing for her to do." She settled back onto her bed amongst various textbooks and papers.

Bella rummaged around in her closet.

"So how are you Edward? You don't even bother to stop by anymore." Alice sung with a smile. She always delivered harsh truths with a smile so I could feel bad. "And where did you get that old sweater from?"

I caught Bella pause to check out what I was wearing and then she went back to searching for whatever she was looking for.

"It's Jacob's," I spoke up.

"Oh," Alice stared keenly at the sweater and then at me for a few moments. "Okay," she didn't say anything else.

"There you are." Bella said to a jacket that she was now slipping on. "C'mon Cullen. Alice are you sure that you don't want to come?"

"It's too rainy," Alice said shaking her head, "But I hope you guys have fun. If you see Jake before the game give him my best."

Once we were outside Bella gave me a serious look.

"Cullen we have a development."

I smiled and opened my eyes wider. "Okay?"

"Oh and cute," Bella touched the sleeve of Jacob's sweater. "It's almost like he wanted you to wear his jersey. Edward _Black_."

I chuckled quietly to myself.

"I don't think you should tell Alice about your crush on Jacob." Bella added quietly. She was still staring at Jacob's sweater on me.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Why not?"

"Yesterday when I came back from your dorm I found Alice and Leah working on a project together. They were laughing and joking and Alice even asked Leah about Jacob. She was getting on my nerves. I love Alice, but she just doesn't understand that your initials are carved into Jake's bicep."

I sighed heavily. That wasn't Alice's fault. She didn't know that I was into Jacob. And if I told her now after she and Leah had _bonded_ she wouldn't be on my side. She would probably say something like, "Edward, Jacob is practically _married_ to Leah!"

Bella scowled, "But I think we can eventually get Alice to see the light,"

"I can't worry about that right now." I said honestly. I focused on clearing my head. The only thing I wanted to think about was Jacob's game and being there for him. Everything else would have to weigh me down later.

***

Bella and I found our seats in the crowd of students dressed in a sea of red. I stood on top of the bleachers in an attempt to find Jacob. I saw Emmett down on the field yelling something at the other team, knowing him it was probably insults. Bella joined me in the search for Jacob. As she tried to get her footing on the slick bleachers she nearly lost her balance, but I caught her. "Be careful Bella," I warned her.

Her cheeks reddened. "There he is. I think he's looking for you. Yell his name."

"He won't hear me above everyone else."

"_Jacob_!" Bella yelled at the top of her lungs and unfortunately right in my ear.

I could see Jacob with his hands on his hips scanning the crowd. When Emmett approached him Jacob had temporarily given up the search and was now stretching. Leah was approaching from behind. I narrowed my eyes at her. A sinking feeling lodged in my throat and the dense air suddenly felt colder. I swallowed as Jacob turned towards her. His back was facing me now so I couldn't see his face but I could see hers. She took something from her pocket and placed it around Jacob's neck.

After she left Jacob continued to look around. The roar of the crowd echoed in my ears as I tried not to think too much about what Leah had given Jacob. I stepped down and shoved my hands in my pockets accepting the fact that he _wasn't_ going to see me. Then I instinctively looked up and everything slowed. Emmett was standing right beside Jacob and his eyes were trained on me.

There must've been more than a thousand people in the stadium but Emmett was looking at me like I was the most interesting thing in the world. I saw him approach Jacob and then Emmett gestured towards me. Now both guys were watching me.

Jacob stepped in front of Emmett and waved. I waved back at him relieved that he had seen me. Jacob and Emmett then got into the huddle with their teammates. The crowd started to cheer again.

"Yeah Maryland!" some tipsy girls cheered in front of us.

"Did the game start yet?" A regal voice asked.

I turned to my side and I was taken aback to see Rosalie, Emmett's roommate.

I also noticed that it had stopped raining suddenly. I glanced upwards and I realized that Rosalie had a _huge_ polka-dotted umbrella that was big enough to cover a family of five over her head. Bella and I were underneath the canopy.

"Hey I can't see!" Some guy complained behind her. "Can you move your fucking big ass polka-dotted umbrella!"

"No I can't. Find another seat." Rosalie answered icily.

My eyes widened, "_Oh_,"

Bella whispered in my ear, "She scares me."

I smiled softly.

"Did you hear me?" Rosalie asked without the edge she reserved for everyone else. "I asked if the game started yet. Rosalie Hale," She scowled at the damp bleachers and took a seat.

"Edward Cullen." I said quickly. "The game hasn't started yet but it's about to."

"_Good_. The sooner it starts. The sooner I can go home." Rosalie flipped her pale blonde hair off of her shoulders.

Once the game started Bella talked to me all throughout it explaining football lingo, telling me what each player did, and commenting on a guy on the Maryland team that she thought was hot. I didn't really catch her commentary because all I could concentrate on was Jacob owning the field like some god commanding everyone to bow down to him.

He looked so fucking confident and aggressive on the field. I could see by his movements that he was in the zone. As I watched him my mind went down south. I bit my lip at the thought of him fucking me on the field in the mud and rain. I held my breath as I watched some guys tackle him. Emmett was nearby, so he held out his hand and helped Jacob up.

The 3rd quarter snuck up on me. Maryland was up by eight. Emmett was now starting to command my attention as well. He was taking down guys one by one. I heard Bella call him the strongside linebacker, whatever that meant. But he was _strong_.

"He's showing off," Rosalie mumbled to herself, "He's going to hurt himself."

The game dragged on with Maryland still in the lead. At the beginning of the 4th quarter Emmett slammed his body into an opponent trying to takedown a Maryland player. Both Emmett and the guy fell to the damp grass. Emmett rolled off of the other guy grabbing onto his chest. By his actions I could tell that he was in pain. I clenched my jaw.

Rosalie stood up. "I knew he was going to hurt himself showing off." She sounded upset but not in an angered manner. Rosalie left without another word.

The rain started to fall on me again as I watched Emmett writhe on the ground. Something abominable crept inside my gut. Emmett McCarty suddenly didn't look so threatening grabbing for his chest and struggling to stand from where he was sprawled on the ground. I hoped that he was going to be okay

The referee called a time-out and Emmett was guided into the locker room.

***

Maryland won the game.

Bella went back to her dorm afterwards so she could finish studying but I decided to remain. The football team was still on the sidelines packing up their athletic bags and rejoicing over their victory. I saw Jacob and I was just about to rush over to him, but his sister Rachel, and her boyfriend Brent beat me to him. I stopped in my tracks and watched as Rachel pulled him into a hug, which Jacob returned stiffly.

I wasn't really in the mood to reintroduce myself to Rachel and I knew that Jacob hadn't seen her since classes started, so I decided to give them space. I was just going to have to meet Jacob back at the dorm . From the corner of my eye I saw Emmett sitting on the sidelines away from everyone else. He was already out of his uniform.

I was compelled to keep walking and pretend like I didn't see him, but for some reason I _couldn't_. I would be kicking myself later for this I knew it. I trudged over to him. My converse's slipping on the damp turf. I was so used to opening my mouth to insult him that I didn't know what to say. I shouldn't have come over. But I was here.

"What do you want Cullen?" He asked. Rain dripped down his face. He said this without even looking at me.

I almost said that I didn't want anything from him. "What happened to you?" I pointed to his chest. I almost told him that he played great tonight but I bit my tongue. He might interpret that as flirting.

"I fucked myself up," He answered shortly. He placed his hand to his chest. "You thought I died huh?" He narrowed his eyes, "That'd save you the trouble right."

I ignored him. "What did you fuck up?" My voice quivered slightly.

Emmett's eyebrows furrowed, "Like you care." With every movement of his lips his deep dimples appeared.

"I don't…" I paused. "Forget it I just um…"

"You're the first person that's asked me." Emmett finally said. "I tore my right pectoral muscle," Emmett clenched his jaw, "They said that could bench me for the whole season." He looked unmistakably sad for a second but then his eyes put on a mischievious glint, "But I'm Emmett McCarty I'm like fucking superman. I'll heal in record time and prove everyone wrong." He laughed and when he looked at me so did I.

This was dangerous. Because what he said wasn't even funny. Emmett slowly rose and he walked over to me, his hand still on his chest, like an injured bear.

"So what's the real reason you're over here little boy?"

I clenched my jaw. "Not everyone has to have an ulterior motive."

Emmett looked me up and down and then he grinned to himself. "Didn't Jacob warn you about me? I could eat you alive Edward if I wanted to."

I stared into his eyes, "I'm not scared of you."

"That wasn't a threat." Emmett whispered. He looked right past me and reached for my hand placing it to his chest. "Maybe next time I'll have to give you my old rank sweater to wear." Emmett bit his lip, "So you can make me invincible eh," He seemed surprised that I didn't pull away immediately. Emmett chuckled, "What? you're not going to punch me or ask me to get my filthy hands off of you? Do you like me touching you Cullen." He was taunting me now.

He looked past me again.

This time I turned around my hand still stupidly to Emmett's chest and I realized that Jacob was watching us. Actually leering at us. Emmett let my hand go.

"Looks like the quarterback is losing his tight end to the linebacker. Touchdown baby." Emmett commented right before walking away and leaving me alone in the rain.

**Reviews are Love**!!! LOL:)

* * *

Okay guys so at first when I was writing this chapter I thought it was horrible. I almost didn't finish it. But I decided that I should and I really hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter somewhat. I have to thank everyone again for reviewing! I definitely notice reviews from the loyal supporters of this story, you guys know who you are. And I also notice the new reviewers. It's always nice to hear a new voice tell me what they think. But anyways I'm going to stop rambling and go to sleep. Ya'll are the best. Lots of Love. Maddie.

**Kellie Stults**- Thank you so much for reviewing! It was definitely fun to write the last chapter because up until then I had always known what Jacob was thinking but I felt like he was a mystery to you guys. I'm so glad that you like Emmett so far in this story. He definitely will add the jealousy when it comes to Edward and Jacob. And Leah of course is far from over with Jacob.

**Sunystone**- Haha, that tape can't come fast enough. Emmett wants to get in all kinds of trouble with Jacob. Thank you for dropping a review!

**Onyx and Co**- Thank you for rewarding me with a review! So glad that you like the story so far. I was laughing at the comment about Bella. I couldn't write a story where she acted like she did in the books or I would have to kill her off quick. And you didn't waste my time at all. I write this story for kind reviews like yours. It really keeps the story going.

**Luckey01**- aww thanks so much for reviewing!

**Utena-Puchiko-nyu**- Thank you for reviewing! I know Edward's eyes are green. I've been re-reading New Moon and I just stumbled over that. In this story though I wanted Edward's eyes to be a mix of bluish-green, even changing between the two sometimes. I base his looks more off of Rob Pattinson how he looks in everyday life. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Very much appreciated. Oh yes and poor Seth, you'll get to meet him soon. Kisses from America!

**Petalsxonthexwind**- You're so sweet. Thank you for reviewing!

**marieXcullen**- Jake is definitely starting to feel something for Edward and that confuses the hell out of him. He can't actually describe what that something is right now though. Thanks for the review!

**Arngerabit-39**- I hope this chapter was LONG enough for you! You made me smile from ear to ear at your comment about this story being a drug to you. I hope I didn't disappoint with this chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

**Skyangel82**- Thank you for reviewing!

**xSheshemex**- Thank you for reviewing! I can't wait to write more Jacob chapters in the future because his feelings for Edward are growing while Edward's are already blatantly clear to everyone but him!

**GoinnGaGa**- Very interesting question about Elizabeth! You have good reason to wonder. But I would be the world's worst spoiler and story teller if I told you now. Smiles. That is a mystery I'll solve in the future…if it's a mystery at all. Thank you so much for reviewing.

**Stella2217-** Thank you! I'll keep going as long as I still have readers.

**Rebelwilla**- Emmett wants Edward bad!

**Teambellaedward**- Thank you for reviewing!

**DcDamion**- HaHa! I did! Thanks for your support.

**Unfeigned**- Best compliment ever! Thank you. It can be a difficult line between coming across honest and heartfelt without overloading the reader with sap. I try my best and it's rewarding to hear that I'm succeeding thus far. You rock! Thank you.

**4EverAndEver**- Thank you! I'll try my best to update faster.

**Rhondeez**- Battle Royale! Of course. What kind of evil girl would I be if I didn't have one. Thanks for reviewing.

**Domward's Mistress**- HaHa! I loved writing that dancing scene. Glad you enjoyed it.

**Lilli kitty**- Jake is confused. And yes he does have genuine feelings for Leah. I couldn't imagine writing her as this throwaway character that would only affect him for a few chapters and then go away. By measuring his love for her with his possible future love for Edward it makes the state so much higher.

**Starry-nights88**- Yes you can have Emmett lol. Jake and Edward wouldn't object. Thank you so much for reviewing my story. I'll definitely check out your fanfic when I get a chance and give you the same love you've given me. Thank you!

**Mia-dcwut-09**- I think Jacob already has plenty of reason to be jealous. Could you imagine Emmett hitting on Edward and one of his friends…I think we might see a brand new Jacob lol. There might be no hiding from what feelings he has then. Thank you for reviewing! And as always your suggestions:)

**Mbcatattack**- Aww thank you so much. That's exactly what I'm going for with Emmett. I'll read your story when I get a chance, just because you've been so kind to read mine. And of course I'll review!

**Robpat**- LOL. I'm sure you hate Emmett even more in this chapter. I promise you even though Jacob likes Leah, I'll make your slash-heart happy. This story is under Jake/Edward for a reason. Thank you so much for reviewing!

**Viva0los0sacapuntas**- Edward Black! I made Bella call him that in the story because of your comment. It does have a nice ring to it. Thank you so so so much for reviewing!

**XxEliza-JanexX**- Aww thank you! I hope you enjoyed the update.

**SlytherinPrincess19**- Edward would do anything for Jacob. Thank you for your review!


	6. Livewire

**AN**: I'm baaaack! Sorry guys that this update took a little longer to produce than the last one. I had probably more fun writing this chapter than I should've. A lot of people were curious to see the after effects of Jake seeing Emmett and Edward together after the game. This chapter mostly focuses on the answer to that. All I have to say is Poor Jake. Another thing for all my lovely reviewers. Someone pointed out that I shouldn't respond to the reviews at the end of the chapter because FanFiction doesn't like when we do that. So unfortunately it looks like I'm going to have to answer all questions with the reply button:( , because it would suck if this story got deleted just because I wanted to thank everyone here. But I can't say it enough everyone that has reviewed this story has encouraged me to keep writing. Your support means everything. And Please feel free to continue asking me questions I promise to reply to them. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter because there is some serious Edward/Jacob shippage crammed in here. -Love you all Maddie!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

Chapter 6- Livewire

--Jacob--

_I woke up surrounded by thick mist. _

_A coyote howled in the distance. Where the fuck was I?_

_It was freezing. I rolled my head around slowly and then looked down at my bare chest. Once my eyes adjusted to the blackness I realized that I was in the woods. Awareness had me in a chokehold now. Questions shot through my head a mile a minute making me dizzy. Why the fuck was I naked in the woods? I knew for a fact that my predicament had nothing to do with alcohol. Since Edward came into my life I couldn't remember the last time I had been in a situation like this._

_He was my rehab. _

_So what the fuck happened? Did I slip? Did I drink some cherry coke spiked by Emmett? That fucking son of a bitch would try something shady like that. I went to stand, but I was bound. "What the fucking __hell__!" I struggled for a few moments unsuccessfully. The rope holding me captive to the tree burned through my skin like fire. I gritted my teeth in deep concentration; and then committed myself to finding some other means of freeing myself._

_My fingers aimlessly searched the damp soil for anything I could use to loosen the rope. Well wasn't this wonderful? I thought bitterly to myself. I was stuck in the frickin' Blair Witch woods, tied up like pork roast, and waiting to be sawed up like sushi. If Emmett didn't do this I was placing bets on Jason Voorhees. An unsettling fear slid down my back, cold and unwelcoming. I had to shake it._

_A twig snapped and I heard footsteps approaching._

_The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I fumbled around with more urgency for something to help me loosen the rope. If Jason wanted to get me then he was going to have to work hard. Tied up or not Jacob Black didn't go down easy. I found a medium sized rock, not big enough to kill, but suitable for damage if hurled the right way. Bring it on hockey-masked freak. I got a concussion waiting for you. _

_Another twig snapped and the crunch of fall leaves being stepped on shattered the silence further. I got ready to hurl the rock. Aim to kill. But then I saw a familiar face. He approached from the left and before I knew it he was bending down in front of me._

_"What the fuck happened to you Jacob?" Edward asked me. His eyes were startled and his voice was urgent. _

_I couldn't answer him because I didn't know what happened. All I knew was that him being here made all of this feel like less of a nightmare. The rain fell harder in sheets of freezing precipitation. I gazed upwards blinking rapidly as the rain coated my eyelashes. He tugged at the ropes. His hand squeezed my arm._

_"I won't leave here until I free you." Edward promised. _

_"What are you doing?" Another voice questioned. Emmett pulled a pocketknife from his boots. "You belong to me not him. I'll free him when I'm ready."_

_Edward turned around._

_"Emmett," I hissed. I balled my fists, "Are you that pathetic that you have to tie me up to keep me from kicking your sorry ass." Edward had seemingly given up on his attempts to free me. I watched horrified as Edward stood to his full height and walked over to Emmett. He appeared to be in a trance. "Edward?"_

_"Come here baby boy," Emmett said in a seductive tone. He held out his hand and beckoned for Edward to join him. "Team Jacob's no fun. He doesn't even put out."_

_My eyebrows furrowed. "You fucking tied me up here. You stupid son of a…"_

_Emmett threw his head back and laughed, "Me stupid! Last time I checked you were the one tied to the oak tree. All I had to do was throw a football in your direction and you went running for miles," Emmett circled his arm around Edward holding him close. "How come this kid incites so much anger in you Jacob? Do you love him?"_

_"I'm not fucking gay you big son of a bitch."_

_"Do you wish he could have your babies?" Emmett continued on with jaded pleasure. "You'd have ridiculously good looking kids with his DNA." He continued to sneer at me. If this kept up then I wouldn't be surprised if I uprooted the oak tree, and went ramming into Emmett with it still on my back. _

_I clenched my fists in elevated frustration as Emmett smacked Edward's ass. This unreasonable urge to punch Emmett until he was unconscious consumed me. All I could see now was red. Emmett was one of those sociopaths that fed on people's weaknesses. He was obviously proud of himself for discovering mine. _

_"Edward suck my dick," Emmett said with a wicked smirk. His mouth dropped into a faux O of surprise when I started to struggle violently for freedom. A low growl escaped my lips. "Your golden boy Edward is such a fucking little slut. I think I'll have to give his dick sucking skills five out of five stars." Emmett placed his hands to his mouth, "But you wouldn't know how good he is would you?" _

_The pressure in my muscles exploded with the need to connect my fist with Emmett's jaw. I sucked air in and out of my mouth with every ragged breath. He was a dead man. My pint up anger was forcibly squelched when I saw Edward drop down onto his knees._

_ No! Fuck! What the fuck are you doing Edward! _

_Edward unbuckled Emmett's pants and I looked away unable to watch this. I closed my eyes and waited for the scene to go away. But it didn't. When I stole another glance in their direction I saw Edward greedily trying to swallow Emmett whole. Something strange vibrated in my soul. The feeling bordered on sickness, disgust, and loss. Emmett rolled his hips around slowly shoving his cock deeper into Edward's mouth. I heard Edward slurping noisily and gagging whenever Emmett tried to go too far down his throat._

_I felt so fucking empty._

_"Every second that ticks by without you laying your claim is another chance for me to slide in." Emmett's body convulsed and I saw him grab onto a fistful of Edward's hair. "He's got the sweetest damn lips. I'm going to fuck him so hard that you're going to feel it Jake." Emmett pulled Edward's head back and planted a sloppy kiss on his moistened red lips. _

_I wanted to fucking kill Emmett. I was going to kill him!_

_"So Jacob," Emmett placed his hands on Edward's shoulders. "Do you still think he's beautiful even after I fucked him and made him please me in ways that you can't even start to imagine? Or is he damaged goods. Trash. A dream that you wished for. And unfortunately now a faded memory that'll never be yours."_

***

I woke up in a cold sweat. My eyes darted around the dorm room like a wild man. The window was pushed open and I could hear the rain beating relentlessly against the side of the building. I pushed myself upwards and I stole a glance at Edward's side of the room. He was sleeping with his back facing me, and he was buried underneath two comforters.

I felt bile rise in my throat at the thought of my dream. I remembered more of the crude exchange between Edward and Emmett than I cared to. Even though Edward wasn't a mindless robot like he had been in my dream; I didn't want to think about him with _Emmett. _I allowed myself to find solace in the fact that Edward wasn't gay and _very into_ Bella.

I just had this irrational fear of Emmett getting anywhere near him.

Now that I was awake I laid in the darkness and contemplated my thoughts. I turned over on my side and daringly watched Edward. When I allowed myself to actually think about our _friendship _I came up with a big blank. I didn't like blanks. Edward stirred feelings…no feelings wasn't the right word…he stirred _something_ inside of me that made me ignore reason.

I felt protective of him? My stomach churned. What was wrong with me? Edward wasn't some little bitch that needed my muscles to save him like some damsel in distress. He was more than capable of taking care of himself, but I couldn't ignore the urge to be there, just in case he needed me.

My thoughts drifted back to the homecoming game two weeks ago. I was in the midst of packed stands, Rachel and Brent were congratulating me on my victory, and Edward was approaching Emmett. I balled my fists. Rachel and Brent faded away like ghosts and now it was just Edward, Emmett and I. Edward's hand was on Emmett's heart. I couldn't help but to stare.

My cheeks flushed with anger. That night I wanted to storm over to Emmett and tell him to stay the fuck away from Edward. But I didn't because I knew Emmett would get his kicks out of me defending Edward like some jilted ex-lover. As much as I could deny up and down that Edward and I were _just_ roommates. I was pretty good at incriminating myself. I showed jealousy, violence, and resistance all in Edward Cullen's name.

I was walking a fine line.

Emmett was already on my case about liking Edward. _I wasn't gay_. Edward was attractive, but whatever, that didn't have anything to do with my need to keep him away from Emmett. He was my roommate and it wasn't a crime to care about him and want to keep him safe.

My thoughts were far to scattered to attempt and understand them tonight. I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep, but my attempts failed horribly. "_Fuck_," I grumbled. I pulled back the covers and crawled out of bed as silently as possible. After grabbing a sweater I made my way down to the lobby.

I needed a distraction and since Edward was sleeping, and getting drunk off my ass wasn't a possibility; I was going to eat. I trudged towards the snack machine and got a Dr. Pepper and a Twinkie.

"Breakfast of _champions_," Leah Clearwater teased.

I turned around and was surprised to see Leah sitting at the lobby desk with her legs crossed on the counter. "Fuck Clearwater."

"I scared you?" she turned her swivel chair towards me. Leah's dark eyes narrowed inquisitively. "You look high? Are you high?"

I half-smirked, "And if I was would you report me."

"Hmm," Leah rolled her eyes thoughtfully, "Split your twinkie with me and maybe I'll consider not turning you in."

I moved my mouth to the side, "I don't know Leah," I didn't exactly feel like staying downstairs in the lounge with her when my mind was so _distressed_. She read me too well. Leah knew when something was bothering me often before I did.

Leah scowled and picked up a plastic pumpkin to toss at me. I didn't bother to move so it bounced off my chest. "C'mon there is a sale on alcoholics tonight. Buy one get ten free. This random guy just asked me to pose naked for his benefit calendar for the homeless. And get this he was trying to take pictures of me with his _elbow_."

I scowled in distaste. "Does he live in this dorm?"

"I don't know Rambo and if he did I wouldn't tell you who he was. This isn't the stone ages I don't need you fighting all my battles." Leah gestured Vanna White like towards the seat beside her, "Now cutie rest your booty on the five dollar chair."

"Okay, but I'm only going to loan you my soul for twenty minutes, and then I'm going back to sleep." I walked over to her. When I sat down in the chair Leah reached forward and zipped up my sweater. I looked down and smirked. I must've been showing too much chest for her. I zipped the sweater back down, "Hey there _Kirby_ you can't be possessive of me. We're still on hiatus."

She ignored me with persistence. "Is that sweater new?"

I looked down. I had been so disoriented when I got up I didn't even know what I was wearing. "Oh this isn't mine. Must be Edward's,"

"Well it looks good on you." Leah balled her hand against her cheek. "So what's been going on in your world Black?" She snagged the twinkie from my hands.

"Hey!"

Leah cackled like a witch. "Just consider this a down payment for all the food of mine you've stolen? Hmm. Eating me out of house and home."

"I'm still going to pay you back. " I made a grab for the twinkie. "C'mon Leah I need a sugar rush and that was my last eighty-five cents."

"Was it Jakey?" Leah scowled and showed false pity. She then peeled back the plastic and took a hulking bite. Daintily she wiped at the white cream around her lips. "Oh god this is so good. So creamy, and the bread. _God_. Hostess must've baked it in heaven!"

"Could you be any more greedy?" I teased judging by the hunk missing from my Twinkie. I frowned and tilted my chin upwards. "I hope you choke on it."

Leah laughed, "You've always been such a sweetheart Jacob."

I looked down and smiled. I missed this. Not the fights or the jealousy, but the times when we could just be ourselves and not have to worry about anything. From the corner of my eye I saw Leah trying to be slick and steal my Dr. Pepper. "Yo, keep the swamp claws off the Pepper, _Cujo_." I also missed calling her random names just because."But it looks so good," Leah joked.

"So good and all mine." I popped open the can. "You planned this didn't you? Pop up like a demon at three o' clock in the morning. Steal my food, offer me smiles that look like _sneers_ in proper sunlight, and somehow make me think that this is romantic?"

Leah shrugged her shoulders and smiled angelically. "The devil swore me to secrecy."

I reclined back in the swivel chair, "So when did you start taking graveyard shifts checking ID's?"

Leah stifled a yawn. "Since my roommate got a boyfriend. Last night I caught her big tail twirling down a stripper pole in a _jock strap_. While the scene was vomit inducing I got a good laugh because she almost busted her head on the pole going down. Totally disturbing."

"A jock strap?"

Leah winced waving her hand, "Please I don't want to think about it anymore. That goes into the vault of all-time horrors that should be locked away." She tilted her head to the side and looked away from me. "So how is everything going with Edward?"

Just the mention of his name from her lips made me quiver. Man I was tripping something serious tonight. My cheeks flushed and I rubbed behind my neck. "He's good."

"His twin sister Alice is pretty cool. Maybe we should all hang out sometime?" Leah scooted her chair closer to me, "I told Alice I know some girls we could set him up with."

"He has a girl. He has Bella." I answered. "And why is everyone so fixated on his love life?"

The doors opened and a few girls stumbled in wearing heels and skirts short enough to see their panties. I lost my train of thought and watched the girls. Leah stared murderously at me.

"Don't look at those _harlots_." Leah grumbled.

Despite her warning I smiled at the girls. I was a free man and I didn't object to short skirts.

"Whores I need to see your ID's!" Leah yelled boisterously. She looked at me, "Take them out!"

I snorted, "God Leah you're such a bitch."

"Oh right," she gave me a vindictive grin, "And you're such a whore. We might be separated right now but you don't have to stare at other girls right in front of me." She looked upset for a second before she started yelling again.

I sat back and watched as Leah harassed the drunken girls. Guilt settled in slowly like a morphine drip. She was right. I was wrong. But we still weren't together. Edward's words about Leah and I needing some more time apart filled my mind. He was right. Even if I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with Leah I needed this single time. Leah and I had spent so much time being Leah and Jacob, that I forgot what it felt like to be just _Jacob_.

I was going to take advantage of the single life.

When I went back to the dorm I noticed that Edward was missing. My heart skipped stupidly for a beat. Where was he? Did he start sleepwalking again? _Fuck_. The door opened and Edward came out of the bathroom. My mind stopped spinning.

Edward's lustrous blue orbs were glazed over and his lips were parted. He gave me a faint smile just before stumbling back to his bed. If he wasn't half-sleeping then he probably would've made an effort to hide his erection.

"I thought you were sleep walking again Cullen." I said as he settled back into his bed.

Edward grinned groggily. "No, I've been handcuffing myself to the bed every night to keep me from wandering." When I didn't say anything he poked open an eyelid. "I'm only kidding."

There was another moment of silence. I looked at Edward and I saw Emmett shoving his dick into his mouth. My eyes drifted to Edward's lips. No. Fuck. I'd rather see Cynthia going down the stripper pole in a jockstrap than that. "I'm going to go back to sleep" I announced turning off the light.

"Me too," Edward yawned. He flopped down on his bed belly first.

"So what are you and Bella doing tomorrow for Halloween?" I murmured.

"Emmett and Rosalie are having a party and Bella wants to go."

His tone was unenthusiastic but all I had to hear was Emmett's name to hate the idea. _Edward at Emmett's party_. Hell no. Even if Bella was there with him, Emmett would try something. He was a predator. "Georgia, have you heard of Mount St. Catherine's?"

I had invited him before I even realized what I was doing. My boys back home in Ellicott City had a tradition. Every Halloween we tried to scare the shit out of each other. Whether it was in a cemetery at three o' clock in the morning. Sleeping over some house with supposed evil spirits. Or driving down to the worst neighborhood in Baltimore. Parking our car on the street for the night, and camping out.

"Nah I haven't heard of it." He said.

"It's a college in Maryland with a whole bunch of insane ghosts stories." I explained.

Edward smirked. "I don't believe in ghosts."

I did. My mom was a big believer in all the supernatural shit. "My boy Quil goes there and he invited me up. We're going to do a ghost tour of our own. You in?"

Edward cocked his head towards me curiously. "You want me to hang with your friends back home?"

I couldn't see why not. Edward was my boy just as much as Quil, Embry, and Jared. I wouldn't compare him to Paul though because we got under each other's skin too much to be boys. Paul was my _step-boy_. "Sleep on it." I suggested. I almost invited Bella as well but I held my tongue. Nah, she could go to Emmett and Rosalie's party. Emmett didn't want her.

***

Later the next day I came back to the dorm around six. I was feeling more at ease now after going for a run and lifting weights. I still hadn't announced to my friends that Edward was coming up with me. I hadn't told them yet because no matter what they said I was going to bring him up. Paul would probably be the only person to bitch anyways.

When I opened the door smoke wafted out of the room. "Huh?" I went to turn on the light and then I heard _Lost_ music. Edward was probably trying to play a joke on me. "Oh fuck what the hell is going on here." I played along.

"Close the door!" Bella said in a demonic voice from Edward's bed.

I stepped back, "Bella what happened to you." I disguised my snicker and followed her orders. "Where is Edward?"

All I could see was her silhouette in the darkness; but what I saw looked pretty fucking funny. Her head was lopsided almost resting on her shoulder, and she had this severe side ponytail.

"Jacob Black," she croaked. "Come closer child. I hear you believe in ghosts." She stuck out her tongue and impersonated the freaky girl from _The Exorcist_. "Do you want to play a game?"

"Sure," I crossed my strong arms. "Bring it on ugly bitch."

"How dare you insult me!" She hissed evily. Bella started to twitch. "Turn on the light." She was breathing hard.

I couldn't help but to make fun of her. "Man girl I can smell your breath from here. I guess being possessed is funky business. Let me find a mint to melt on your lizard tongue."

"You mock me?"

I turned on the light highly amused. At least she gave me a good laugh.

Where was Edward?

When I saw Bella I almost fell on my ass laughing. Under the harsh golden glow of light I could see that her face was painted an off-white, almost purplish color. She had red lipstick smeared around her lips and cheeks, and a uni-brow connected her eyebrows together. She had fake teeth in as well. They were butter popcorn yellow and splattered brown.

"Who are you supposed to be? That creepy girl from the Exorcist or The Joker."

"Get him Edward!" Bella ordered suddenly.

Edward's closet door was thrown open and he wrapped his arms around me. I jumped. Edward was paler than I had ever seen him before, and dressed all in black. He tilted my head backwards and his lips grazed my neck.

"I'm going to drink your blood." He whispered. "The demon girl demands it."

I closed my eyes and my body gave in. I pretended to fall. I was still playing along with their craziness but I felt feverish. "Fuck you're draining me dry." I croaked. His lips grazed my neck leaving behind a trail of fire. My body went limp and I collapsed against him. "I'm dying. I'm dying." I chuckled.

Edward licked my neck, "Your blood tastes so good."

I closed my eyes and rolled my head to the side on his knee.

Bella jumped from Edward's bed and joined us on the floor. "Save me a piece of that sweetness." She grabbed my shirt and playfully tugged.

"No," Edward protectively grabbed me by the chest, "He's all mine devil girl. Go get your own quarterback." Edward jokingly blew on my face to make me open my eyes. "This was supposed to be scary but obviously we failed."

My neck was still moist from where Edward had licked me. I gazed up at him knowing that I should get out of this position. Edward was looking down at me and he was smiling. I grinned back at him even though I couldn't wait to get out of his arms. My heart pounded unevenly against my chest as I crawled away. I shifted my attention to Bella and her severe side ponytail. "Bella what the fuck is that on your granny nightgown."

Bella spun around, "Chocolate."

"It looks like shit." I said eyeing her.

Bella laughed, "No it's not _shit_. The stains are part of my costume" She looked over at Edward, "So what do you think Jacob of Edward's costume? Blood-sucking vamp meets Abercrombie & Fitch. Very sexy right."

I looked at Edward. "That ain't no costume. But if I saw you Bella walking down the street towards with that sick nightgown and that twisted ponytail I would run the other way."

Edward grinned sheepishly.

Bella patted Edward on the back, "I'm going to go and see if I can scare Alice before I go to the party. Did you guys need my truck?" Bella offered. "I don't need it this weekend anyways."

I considered the offer. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to ride up to Mount Saint Catherine's on my bike considering that it had been raining all week. "You sure Bella?"

"Of course I am. Have fun boys."

***

I scrubbed myself clean in the shower. Steam drifted upwards from the tiles, tickling my nose and filling my lungs with the familiar scent of Irish Spring. I had taken an extra long shower just because I needed to get my thoughts together. When I got to Mount Saint Catherine's with Edward, Paul would probably try to stage a coup. He had a thing against outsiders, especially college outsiders, considering that he was the only one in the pack not going to school.

I closed my eyes and dropped my head. The water glided downwards pounding against the floor. If Paul successfully got the other guys to tag team Edward then I would whoop all their asses from here to Sunday and go on about my business. I turned off the faucet and grabbed my towel to wrap around my waist.

Edward was at the sink washing the make-up off his face. He was bending down. I thought about grabbing him for the element of surprise but I could still feel his lips on my neck. I was going to leave him alone. Once I was back in the room I threw on some jeans, a black polo and my Tims.

Edward returned after I was fully dressed.

"I'm going to go make a call really quick." I said.

Edward nodded, "Sure I don't mind waiting for you a little bit longer."

I playfully pushed him. "I'm moving as fast as I can Cullen." I reached in my drawer for my Lacoste cologne. Edward was standing right beside me so I sprayed him. "Not like you need anything else to make the girls wet."

Edward didn't even crack the slightest smile.

The room was starting to get hot. I backed away from him because I was starting to think about Emmett and him again. I fucking wanted Emmett out of my head. This small part of me, well larger than I cared to admit, was selfishly glad that Emmett was off the team. I didn't take pleasure in the possibility that his football career this season was over; but instead the knowledge that I wouldn't have to look in his eyes and see Edward.

I never wanted to see Edward in Emmett's eyes.

Okay. I needed to stop allowing my mind to do whatever it was doing tonight. I turned my back on Edward and walked out the room. Down the hall I could see our RA, our fifty something RA, wearing a naughty nurse costume. She was handing out candy apples to the boys and 'Milkshake' by Kelis was playing in the background.

"_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard_..." she sung raising her arms over her head and shaking her hips. She dropped down to the ground and touched her toes.

I turned away from the _trainwreck_ not wanting to attract her attention. She however skipped over to me.

"Candied Apple?" she breathed. "I have more where this one came from in my room."

"Do you know how old I am Sigourney Weaver." I snipped.

She looked offended, "Sigourney? Please I'm not that old!"

"I'm 17, back the fuck up."

She pouted and then sang a pathetic, "_La la la, warm it up_..."

I cut her off, "You better trick or treat elsewhere. I'm not into cougars. Especially creepy ones like you with serial killer vans and lollipops with smiley faces. _Walk_." Luckily a guy that had just stepped off the elevator distracted her.

"Ricky! Would you like to try my candied apple?" she squealed right before singing another verse of _Milkshake_.

I wasted no time in dialing Quil's number.

"Hello who the fuck is this!" A female voice answered shrilly.

My eyebrows furrowed, "Uh I must have the wrong number?"

"What's your name?" she snipped.

"Jacob Black, what's yours?" I was getting smart.

"I thought you were some bitch trying to talk to my man. Q it's for you."

"God Kayla did you cuss out my mom again? She won't let me come home because of you." A few moments later Quil answered. "Hello?"

"Quil who the fuck was that?" I asked horrified.

"My girlfriend Kayla," He explained. "She um was about to leave soon."

I heard her groan aggravated in the background. "This was supposed to be _our_ night. I still can't believe you're kicking me out for your dumb ass friends."

"Kayla, we're together every second of every day. I haven't seen my friends in forever. Especially Jacob."

"So!" she challenged. "That's what AIM is for. Instant Message his ass."

"_Quil_!" I said loudly.

"Oh hell no who is that boy yelling at!" Kayla hollered.

I massaged my temples. "Tell her I'm fucking yelling at her because she's annoying!"

"Wait one second Jake," I heard something that sounded like barking and then a door close. "Sorry she's just...full moon."

"Dude that's your girlfriend? Quil I'm going to need you steal your dick back from her panty drawer."

"I wish is what that easy. Anyways I haven't talked to you in forever Black. You went to College Park, became an all-star, and forgot about your Ellicott City homies."

"Quil don't say _homies_."

"Road dawgs," He substituted.

Quil was a hopeless case. "Hey I just wanted to let you know that I'm bringing a friend."

"What!" Quil exclaimed. "Jake you can't bring another chick. Even if you and Leah are on the outs, she's one of us. The guys will turn on you and I'll have to join them."

"People move on," I grumbled.

"So you and Leah are actually done? Forever."

I ignored his question, "Ateara, I'm bringing my roommate Edward up with me. I'm taking _his_ truck so I figured I minus as well invite him." The lie flowed out so smoothly.

"Yeah, yeah, the weather has been so shitty that you don't wanna drive your bike up here."

"Quil! Massage my feet!" Kayla yelled.

Apparently she had come back.

"Kayla shit stop embarrassing me." Quil growled.

They were arguing in the background, "Quil, tell everyone that I'm bringing my roommate Edward, and if Paul has a problem with it, tell him he can suck my fucking dick."

***

When I returned I found Edward on his bed lacing up his Converse's.

"Your friends probably aren't going to like me that much," He confessed.

"What? Why do you think they wouldn't like you. C'mon look at that face." I laughed it up and then I bit my lip.

"I'm not one of those people that can't just dive into conversation with strangers."

"Cullen I rarely see you nervous. My friends are just like me. They don't care."

"It'll probably take me some time to loosen up." Edward frowned, "You know I got this whole guarded thing going on." His cheeks reddened. "I don't want to get in the way of you having fun with your friends."

I stood there waiting for him to collect his thoughts.

"You grew up with these guys. I'm no one to them. So maybe I shouldn't be there." Edward stood to his full height. Even though his words were lacking esteem, he spoke with complete composure and grace.

"And you grew up with Alice," I substituted. I wanted to make him feel better. "She's your twin. When I first met her I wanted to make a good impression on her just 'cause we're buds. But at the end of the day if Alice hates me, who cares, as long as I'm still cool in Edward Cullen's slam book."

Edward licked his lips, "I don't have to go Jake."

"I want you there."

We stared at each other.

"Besides you're my good luck charm. I won the football game because you were there. And if the demons try to jump in my body when we're doing the ghost tour I need you to _Praise Jesus_ em' out!" I jumped around like a preacher and pushed Edward's head back with my hand. "Save me Edward. Save me!" I laughed but my heart was in my throat. There was this ridiculous block that made joking with Edward so much more difficult tonight.

Edward laughed, "Of course because I double as a good luck charm and a Catholic Priest."

His smile told me that I had talked him into it.

***

An hour later I drummed my hands on the dashboard along to a throwback Missy Elliott song. Edward was sitting in the passenger seat with a keenly arched eyebrow, his perfect face registered concentration on his thoughts or the music. I swatted him with my hand. Edward seemed to jolt awake. His lips parted.

"What's up?" He asked me.

"Nothing you're just so silent...and pensive."

Edward bit his lip, "When aren't I _pensive_?"

I thought it over and I grinned, "You're right. Have you heard Missy Elliott before?"

His cheeks flushed, "Alice likes her. I don't really listen to rap."

"So you listen to country?" I teased.

"No," Edward frowned. "I like old school. Classic Rock and Roll, Motown is good, the 80's is a dirty secret of mine."

Listening to him talk was so easy. Edward was probably the only person that could captivate me even if he was talking about _bunnies_ for five hours. I switched the FM knob to a station that played 80's and 90's music.

_I want you to want me_ by Cheap Trick was currently on.

"So this is what you get down to?"

"Yeah." Edward nodded. "When no ones around I break it down in the shower."

I snapped my fingers along to the beat, "Break it down then James Dean."

Edward blushed.

"C'mon why the fuck are you so shy tonight."

Edward stared at me for a while open mouthed and then he ran his hands through his gelled hair.

"I know you can sing," I encouraged. "I heard you before. You sound good." I rolled down the window allowing the cool air inside. More than anything I just wanted to loosen him up. I didn't want him to be anxious about meeting my friends.

"I'm not singing." Edward dismissed.

Well I couldn't force him. My heart was still weakly thudding in my chest. Stupid fucking heart. Something was wrong with it. I turned down the radio. "So what's going on with you and Bella?"

Edward laughed as if I had asked something funny.

"What?" I asked a grin lingering on my lips.

"We're _great_." He sounded sarcastic.

I licked my lips, "Good,"

Edward reclined back in his seat and rested his knee against the dashboard. I wanted to know what he was thinking but I couldn't ask him outright. I turned back up the radio.

"What's your favorite 80's movie?" I asked out of the blue.

Edward half-smiled, "Why?"

"I'm just trying to keep the conversation going." I glanced over at him. He sat up. "Mine is _Nightmare on Elm Street_."

Edward laughed. "_Nightmare on Elm Street_?"

"Yeah Freddy Krueger was the man."

"He creeped me out." Edward admitted. He winced. "I guess it was inappropriate for me to laugh at you considering that Alice and I used to have non-stop blocks of Molly Ringwald movies."

I didn't laugh at him because I thought it was cute. I looked down. _Cute that he and Alice used to watch movies together_. The wind caressed my cheek and droplets of rain coated my arm. Something was trying to claw to the surface deep inside of me again. I stole a glance at Edward. He was pensive. I closed my eyes trying to shake the feeling.

I turned up the radio. "Happy Halloween to all the broken hearts in the Baltimore area. This is Judy Branchstorm here with you tonight. Tonight the main topic is reaching out to the person you love." I went to change the station but Edward's hand swatted mine away.

I looked at him. "You want to listen to this shit?"

He smiled crookedly, "Yeah...maybe I'm one of those people that want to reach out."

I snickered, "To Bella? She's already yours." I thought I heard him grunt in response but I wasn't sure.

"Hi Judy this is Clarice calling from the Silver Spring area."

"Welcome Clarice," Judy greeted in her attempted sultry voice that sounded more masculine than anything. "Tell us all about it."

Usually I would make fun of people that called into radio stations because it was always so fucking cheesy to me. Call-in's, sob stories, and buckets of ice cream fit for a horse. _Pathetic_. But I couldn't laugh because Edward was seemingly hanging on every word.

"Well Judy I work with this guy Jamal who I've been in love with ever since he started working at my office. He's not the kind of guy that you would typically call gorgeous, but there is something about him that sets me off. When we talk I lose my mind and I've come so close to telling him how I feel so many times but I just can't. He's a nice guy, and we're close, but the fear of rejection is too strong. I don't know what to do."

Judy's deep voice came on again like a baritone in the choir, "Clarice, you need to just tell him."

"Doesn't she kind of sound like Darth Vader?" I asked Edward.

He nodded not really listening. I shut up.

"Just tell him. Fear is debilitating, but I firmly believe that every now and then you got to go out on a limb. Life is too short to just sit around and wait. Take him out to dinner, ask him to see a movie, or just corner him in the break room. Keeping quiet is the biggest heartbreak of all because who knows he could be out there longing for you just as much Clarice. Make your feelings known so at least you'll know if you guys can give love a shot."

Judy's words echoed in my head even after she had stopped talking. Music was playing now. Soft 80's rock. "I still don't understand how you're single. So many girls want to be with you." I said to Edward.

"I'm picky," He admitted. "Why does my sex life fascinate you so much Jake?" He looked at me and then smiled his eyes crinkling up around the corners.

It was funny that he was asking me the same question I had asked Leah last night.

_Maybe because I want to have sex with you_. I uncomfortably gripped the wheel. The bi-curious thought surfaced before I could catch it. I frowned and changed the subject to Thanksgiving. I asked him if he was going back home to Georgia for the holidays.

"Most likely," he said.

His response left me feeling empty.

***

"J-Dawg!" Quil greeted shaking my hand and pulling me into a hug.

"Quil man what's up?" I said.

"Not much. Everyone is here. Paul is you know," He paused to glance at Edward, "But Embry is cool and Jared has a paper he has to finish so he stayed at UMBC." Quil offered a kind smile in Edward's direction, "Quil Ateara,"

"Edward Cullen."

"Come on in." Quil ushered us both inside.

Paul and Embry were at Quil's computer. From where I stood I could see that they were watching porn.

"This shit is sick." Paul chuckled, "Watch this Em, she stuffs a whole apple up there and shoots it out of her pussy like a cannon. I wanna chick that can do that."

"Paul what the fuck!" Quil ran over to him. "Don't watch porn on that computer!"

Paul twirled around in Quil's chair, "Why Quil because you're scared Kayla's going to find out and punish you." He frowned, "You need to man up and stop being a little bitch." He glanced at me, "Speaking of _bitches_. You made it big in College Park and you forgot about every one back home huh?"

"What's up Paul?" I said instead of taking him on. Sometimes with Paul it was all about the approach.

He didn't respond to my greeting. Paul stood up and walked past me to Edward. "Welcome to the party. Paul nice to meet you."

"Edward," Cullen greeted.

I turned my body towards Paul so I could gage his reaction. I was looking for trouble, but he seemed cooperative. My stomach tightened. I was instantly reminded that I had to pee. "Where's the bathroom." I didn't want to leave Edward alone with Paul, but I couldn't exactly take him with me to the bathroom.

I was gone for five minutes and when I returned I saw that both Paul and Embry had impish grins stretched across their faces. Quil on the other hand avoided eye contact.

"Brownie?" Paul asked gesturing a baggie towards me. He was eating one and so were Embry and Edward.

My eyes darkened. I immediately suspected foul play. I zeroed in on Edward who had already finished the brownie in his hand. He was watching me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Fuck. Should I not have eaten that?" Edward asked me.

"Ed things are going to start getting really _weird_ but just go with it." Paul suggested with a smirk.

A surge of anger took over me and I had lashed out before I could fight it. I slammed my body into Paul's and we both went crashing to the floor. I didn't know what he did, but whatever it was I knew it was fucked up. I reared my fist back, but Embry grabbed my arm, and pulled me away. "What the fuck was in those brownies and don't tell me nothing, because I know that's a fucking lie!"

When Paul stood snarling with his teeth barred, Quil jumped in front of him.

"I said what the fuck was in those fucking brownies!" I yelled.

Paul snickered, "Nothing Jake. The brownies are baked with butter, chocolate, and _joy_."

"What do you mean by joy." I said through gritted teeth.

Edward stood up his eyes zeroed on Paul, "Yeah. What do you mean by joy?"

Instead of answering us straight up Paul started to sing Rick James' _Mary Jane_ song.

I glowered dangerously back at Paul. Guilt overwhelmed me as I looked at Edward who had an "I'm so fucked," expression on his face. "You gave him _weed_ brownies."

Paul snickered, "What? It's fucking Halloween."

"_Fuck_," Edward mumbled. He looked at me. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck,"

Paul rubbed Edward's shoulders, "It's okay you'll be good for an hour or two and then...it all becomes a blur. But Jake brought you so _he_ can make sure you don't get into any trouble."

Edward shook Paul's hand off his shoulder and balled his fist. "You fucking son a bitch."

"Let's not fight guys." Quil got in between them.

I shook Embry off of me. I was going to fuck Paul up.

Edward suddenly grabbed Paul and pushed him with enough force to send Paul slamming into the wall. I stopped in my tracks and watched as Edward got ready to kick Paul's ass. I wasn't going to stop him.

"You fucked with the wrong guy you fucking piece of shit." Edward's face was red as a tomato.

I had never seen him so angry in my life.

"Who the fuck are you talking to." Paul beat his hands against his chest. "You want some of this."

"Yeah bring it on." Edward growled almost daringly.

"Dudes!" Embry yelled throwing Quil out of the way. "Paul he has every fucking reason to be pissed with you dumb ass. We don't even the guy and you gave him weed brownies! I should let him kick your ass. _Stupid_."

"Well it's not like he's going to die. It was harmless fun. Loosen up." Paul defended his voice elevated. He was probably backing down because no one was on his side.

I made a move towards Paul but Embry stopped me.

"We need to get out of this dorm before World War 3 starts," Quil suggested. "I guess the first thing we can do is go to the Quad.."

"I'm going to fuck you up Paul," I threatened as he walk past with Embry.

Paul grimaced. "You got no fucking humor."

"I'm sorry Edward." Quil apologized. "I was trying to warn you not to eat the brownie by shaking my head but you...I guess you were hungry."

I glanced at Quil and tilted my head towards the door where Embry and Paul had just exited. "I feel like shit man, seriously."

Edward clenched his jaw and then his eyes met mine, "I'm going to warn you now that I'm going to whoop your friend's ass before the night's over."

He made me smile, "Only if we tag team him." I hesitantly reached forward and wrapped my arm around him. I squeezed his shoulder. "You're going to be gone in an hour or two."

Edward nodded slowly, "I think I'm started to feel something."

"Don't worry I won't let anything happen to you." I promised. "I'll stick with you tonight. And we'll fuck Paul up in the morning."

***

An hour later we were all standing around the quad. A bonfire was burning bright, and students were gathering around the warmth sharing paranormal stories. Every now and then I stole a glance at Edward. He wasn't looking so good. His eyes were trained on the roaring fire and his mouth was agape. Paul had brought brownies with him and he was passing it out to the students. Quil was actively doing his best to stop him.

Edward rolled his head around slowly.

I arched an eyebrow, "Edward?"

"It's hot," He scrunched up his face and pulled at his clothes. "I...I feel the need. You know the need. Need. Need. Need."

I bit my lip. Here it goes.

Edward turned to me and grabbed me by the shirt. "Why am I on fire?" His eyes were delirious. "Get me some ice. Hose me down. Why am I wearing cowboy boots in Jamaica?"

I circled my hands around his wrist. "_Whoosh_, I just poured some water on you?" I waited to see if that would pacify him. "Do you feel better?"

Edward chuckled, "Oh man I'm so hungry. I want cereal. Cereal and apples. Where can I get that." He stared around and then his eyes lit up like he had an idea. "Want to play strip poker?"

My cheeks warmed. His breath rushed across my lips. No. Please don't suggest that. There was obviously something wrong with my wiring tonight and my heart.

"I'll let you win." He wiggled his hands free of mine and giggled like a schoolboy. "I hope it doesn't matter if I'm not wearing underwear now. It's so restraining. I like to be free...free like the trees. Oh they're so _pretty_."

"Oh yeah the trees are um...pretty" I echoed.

"Paul are you trying to get me arrested!" Quil cried. "This is a Catholic school!"

Paul sniggered, "Monks! Nuns! God! Quil Ateara Jr. is passing out brownie treats loaded with MJ come and fry his ass!"

I narrowed my eyes at Paul. If he kept it up then he could get Quil in serious trouble. Quil had worked too hard to get into this school for Paul to mess it up. "Edward we're going to have to stop Paul." I turned around to look at Edward and that's when I realized that he was _gone._ "Fuck. Edward?"

I searched around for my wayward roommate. I pushed through groups of people. Quil was now chasing after Paul who was laughing idiotically and waving the bag of weed brownies high in the air. I stopped and stood still. I did a 360 looking everywhere for Edward.

Music filled the night. And everyone was acting like they had lost their minds. Edward? Where the fuck was he.

I finally spotted him in the middle of everything. The fire was glowing intensely behind him as he danced drunkenly. My mouth dropped. "Fuck," I tried to make my way over to him, but people rushed past me, especially the girls.

Edward looked beyond dazed as girls grabbed at him. Some cheap blonde lifted up his shirt and felt his abs. She threw back her head and laughed. Edward raised his arms over his head. The girl took off his shirt. I stared waiting to jump in and stop this, but for some reason my feet were stuck.

Another girl joined in the maddening dance. She got in back of Edward and wrapped her arms around his slim waist. She wasted no time in smacking his ass.

"Back that sweet ass up Cowboy!" she yelled.

In the background I saw the nuns approaching.

"_Shit,_" I murmured. I made my way over to Edward but the crowd was so damn thick.

One of the girls dancing with Edward dropped down to the ground and traveled up slowly stopping right by Edward's dick. She had a red cup in her hand. On the way back up she poured the beer and foam on top of Edward's head.

He cheered. "Wet dreams! Wet dreams!"

The whore made him touch her breasts.

Edward pulled his hands away and turned his back to her. She then wrapped her hands around his waist and started to bump and grind him from the back. The nuns were breaking through the crowd. I lunged out for Edward and grabbed him.

"Jacob!" He smiled with his eyes closed. "I've been waiting for you. These girls have wet dreams in cups."

"Edward," I circled my hand around his wrist. "Let's go."

"Have you met my friends." He placed his hands on each girl's head. "Chewbacca and...whatever the fuck your name is." He giggled, "I'm sorry Girl number two your name really isn't that important. Shit I'm so hungry. I need cereal and...porkchops. Jake can you make me porkchops?"

I took his hand. "I'll make you fucking porkchops and mashed potatoes if you come with me."

He nodded obediently. "K,"

The nuns were rounding up students now. I tugged on Edward's hand. He followed me with an uncoordinated gait out of the mob towards the dorms. A few nuns were chasing after students with sticks. My eyes widened. Oh fuck these nuns were hardcore.

Due to the chaos it was safe to assume that Paul had gotten more people than just Edward with his famous brownies. Edward was leaning against me now and staring up at the stars. I was searching for Quil because I needed his card to get back inside.

"Why didn't you dance with me Jake? I got moves." Edward did a high kick and then fell on his ass. "

I spotted Embry and Quil walking quickly towards us.

Edward leaned into me, "Don't tell anyone but I've been working on a dance tape. It's top secret and I'm still working on the funding but I can rush you a copy. Ed Money's dance moves, limited time offer, ten payments of $ 1.99."

My eyebrows furrowed and for the first time in the last few hours I had to grin. "Ed Money?"

"Uh huh," He slurred, "Ed Monkey's funktastic dance moves. Limited offer," He repeated. "Get it while it's white hot."

"_Ed Monkey_," I repeated.

"Si senor," Edward answered.

Embry and Quil joined us. Right behind them a student was doing back flips away from a monk. Leave it to Paul to create chaos at a school he didn't even go to.

"The nuns are calling the cops." Quil warned. "We should go inside." He looked at Edward, "You guys are staying here tonight right."

"_Yeah_," I said quickly. I felt personally responsible for Edward here. The idea of bringing him back to Alice or Bella like this flooded me with guilt. "Where is Paul?"

Embry led Edward inside while Quil and I followed behind. "Some girl came out of the bushes and started making out with him. I think he's still there with her."

I frowned, "Well I hope he get's some poison ivy and a little syph on the side."

"Where is his shirt dude?" Embry asked tilting his head towards Edward who was humming the theme song to _Sesame Street_.

"A wild woman threw it in the bonfire." I explained.

Once we were back in Quil's dorm, Quil found a shirt for Edward to wear.

"How long until it wears off?" I asked Embry.

"Depends on how much weed Paul put in there." Embry looked down. "Jake I knew that he was making brownies and I didn't stop him from giving it to Edward. I thought it was all in good fun too. But I'm sorry."

I watched as Edward dived underneath Quil's bed and pulled out a box of cheerios and a stuffed monkey. I stole a look at Quil who looked instantly embarrassed. Mr. Stubbles was the monkey that Quil used to keep in his bookbag until 8th grade. Mr. Stubbles used to be his best friend.

"Seriously man?" I asked.

"I um...accidentally brought my stuffed monkey here. I'm bringing it back home over Thanksgiving break." Quil defended.

Edward placed Mr. Stubbles on top of his head and buried his face in the cheerios box. "The Cookie Monster is hungry. Gimme those cheerios!"

I smiled.

Edward tilted his head back causing Mr. Stubbles to fall onto the floor and he opened his mouth wide. Cheerios fell everywhere. Edward tossed the box to the side, "I need a milk cow."

"Okay," I picked up Mr. Stubbles and tossed it to Quil, "You should hide that before Paul comes back and has a field day joking you." I latched onto Edward's arm. "I'm going to make him wash his face or something. Maybe that'll help the process?"

Embry stared back at me doubtfully.

With my hand wrapped around Edward's arm I led him to the bathroom. I went to the sink and splashed some cool water across my face. I blindly reached for some paper napkins but Edward was dabbing my face dry with something. I grinned and reached for his hands. "What are you doing?"

He snickered. His hair was messy and all over the place and he was shirtless. The shirt Quil had given him was being used as a towel. "Ed Monkey thought he'd help." His eyes crinkled around the edges. Edward grinned and placed the shirt on top of my head.

I pulled it off.

Edward laughed and placed his hands on my shoulders. He gritted his teeth together, "I'm pushing you into the sink!"

"You need to go to sleep." I reasoned. I reached for his hands. "I can't go into the sink. I'm too big."

Edward stopped and then he stared at me thoughtfully. "I'm still hot. Aren't you hot?"

His hands slipped underneath my shirt. I held my breath because I wasn't expecting to feel the coolness of his fingertips. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"I feel like I just got electrified. Every nerve in my body is on fire." He made a static sound with his lips. "I'm livewire you better watch out." He came closer.

I started to shake. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I placed my hands on his chest to push him away but Edward encircled his fingers around my hands.

"Zzzz," He whispered. Edward closed his eyes and tapped his perfect nose against my cheek. "Zzzz, you're dead." His eyes opened. Those long eyelashes danced across my cheek. He studied me. "Still alive?"

Barely.

Edward's icy hands circled my arms tighter. I took in a deep breath. I was going to suggest once again that we leave. Edward licked his red lips. His eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. "You killed me." I forced a smile. "Cause of death one billion voltages of livewire to the heart."

Edward brought his lips closer. "Zzz," He sung in his weed-induced stupor.

My eyes widened but it was already too late. His lips crushed against mine like a truck slamming into my body full impact. Oxygen was ripped mercilessly from my lungs and I lost consciousness. My eyelids closed and everything went black. His lips were soft and like feathers against mine. I could feel Edward's hands digging into my flesh. He was breathing hard commanding me to pump his oxygen into my deprived lungs.

Push him away. Push him the fuck away. This isn't fucking right.

His hands traveled up my arm and touched my cheek. I grabbed him roughly by the shirt and I smashed my lips harder against his. Leah snuck into the back of my mind for a second and then she was gone. My fists balled and I got ready to push him away again but his hands were on my chest keeping me glued in between him and the sink.

I could feel his knees in between my leg. This was so fucking wrong. So fucking wrong. But my hands were running through his hair and I was kissing him like my life depended on it. I wanted him. I fucking wanted him.

His hands traveled down my back. Edward traced his slender fingers along my muscles and then he dipped lower. I groaned as soon as I felt his hands cupping my ass. We continued to make out heavily until I opened my eyes.

Reality set in and I pushed Edward away from me. He went slamming into the stall. We stared at each other. I was breathing heavily and looking crazed as a coyote, but I was at a loss for words here. I swallowed.. "We um...we need to get back to the dorm."

Edward buried his face in his hands.

Even though I was shaking because what had just happened I instantly regretted pushing him so hard. I got down on my knees. "I'm sorry."

Edward raised his head and grinned. He touched my lips with his hand. "Zzz. Now you're dead."

Thank God he was still high. I forced a weak smile. He wasn't in the right frame of mind so it wasn't his fault that he kissed me. But I kissed him back and I let him touch my ass.

What was wrong with me?

I felt sad and disgusted with myself.

Once we got outside Quil's dorm, Edward surprised me by giving me a hug.

"Don't be sad Jacob." He slurred. "I was only kidding when I tried to kill you with my livewire superpowers." He laughed airily and hugged me tighter. "I can revive you with hugs." He rested his chin on my shoulder. "Hug me back."

He was high and I was lost. _So fucking lost_. So I hugged him and I closed my eyes. I prayed that he wouldn't remember any of this in the morning.

**Review babes!**

* * *

**CrAzyCookyTash12**- Aww thank you so much! And I am speechless as well because your review was so sweet! When creating this story I tried to stay as true as I can to Jake and Edward, while adapting some of their traits so it could fit into a normal college kids life. And I don't hear that a lot, so thank you so much for that! Thanks once again for your wonderful review Tash. And your comment about my story being vulgar and beautiful brought the biggest smile to my face.

**bellavira**- Thank you for dropping me a review!

**du1387**- I hope you liked the update. Edward and Jacob definitely tipped the scales this time with the accidental action. Thank you for reviewing!

**TheGirlInThePinkScarf**- I have to say that I love writing Emmett. He'll definitely be back in the next chap! Thanks for your review.

**Rhondeez**- You are definitely one of the faithful. Thank you so much for sticking with me. I hope Emmett will continue to grow on you and he will grow on Edward too. Because he's definitely going to be around for a while. As always thank you so much for reviewing!

**petalsxonthexwind**- Thank you for your review! Man I really was worried about the last chapter so thank you for convincing me that it wasn't as horrible as I thought. Emmett was definitely a huge catalyst which is why Jacob is so confused this chap!

**Utena-Puchiko-nyu**- Kisses from America! And thank you for pointing that out to me because I don't want this story to get deleted. I love it too much. I'll take your advice. And I think Emmett is unintentionally helping Jacob. His motives are selfish.:)

**SlytherinPrincess19**- I was lmao when I read that you woke someone up! Oh no! lol. But thank you so much for your review.

**DCDamion**- -Hugs- thank you for giving my AU a shot! I was chuckling to myself when I was writing that line. I loved writing Rosalie too, because she just doesn't care when she's inconveniencing others. Aww and I love you too. I feel so much better thank you!

**Argnerabbit-39**- Thank you for your review! The funny thing is whenever I usually feel really stressed out I write this story, so the more updates mean more stress lol! LOL 'drama (for my mama)' comment.

**skyangel82**- Thank you for reviewing!

**xSheshemex**- You're the best! Thank you:) I really appreciate your review.

**Kellie Stults**- Thank you so much for reviewing Kellie! It's always a pleasure to read your reviews. For the last chapter I felt like I needed to write it from Edward's point of view because I'm so used to writing him, and I knew that his reaction to things would be so different from Jacob's! Lol and yeah Bella is really accepting even after having a crush on Edward. What saved her from being crushed was she realized he was gay before they became good friends. Emmett jealousy led to Jacob kissing Edward back. –smiles- Thank you for the get well wishes!

**sunystone**- Emmett, Emmett, Emmett...he definitely has a lot of sides to him, but only chooses to show certain faces to different people. Jealousy. I think yes! Thank you for your review!

**jjbean16**- hope this chapter didn't let you down! Thanks for the review!

**Bigdogz09**- I'm an angst queen so I'm glad you like it. You rock. Thank you for reviewing!

**lycorn2659874**- Thanks for reviewing! Hope you liked this chapter.

**starry-nights88**- Emmett's intentions with Edward. LOL. All kinds of X rated things perhaps. Well if you're like Bella in this story you must be pretty awesome!

**4EverAndEver**- Thanks for your review! Emmett is bi, but he's way more into guys than girls.

**Emmett-lover4ever**- Thanks for reviewing!

**Domward's Mistress**- You're so welcome! It's the least I could do for all my wonderful reviewers!

**lilli kitty**- Thanks for reviewing! You had me laughing my ass off when I read your review! Looks deliberately at Leah Clearwater!!! Lol. Thanks for making me smile. Emmett definitely did give Jake a wake-up call but I he just doesn't know what to do with it yet.

**Mia-dcwut-09**- Thanks for your review! A leering Jake lol. I'm happy you like Rosalie because I took a few chapters to think over how I wanted her to fit into this story and so far the feedback for her has been good.

**rebelwilla**- LOL. Edward would probably disagree. But he does feel something towards him...even if that something is mild hate or pity.

**Mcbcattack**- Aww thank you so much. Repressed feelings are messy. Jake is discovering that now.

**Teambellaedward**- Thanks for reviewing!

**robpat**- Thanks for reviewing!


	7. Eighteen

**AN**: Do you guys know how much I love you all? The feedback for last chapter definitely made me smile. I wrote the last chapter with the intention of making ya'll laugh at 'Ed Monkey' and also balancing that with the internal confusion and doubt Jacob was feeling. I'm glad that I could make you guys smile with my craziness! This chapter has an entirely different feel from the other chapters and that's because Jake is MIA, and Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper are a little more at the forefront. This wasn't my favorite chapter to write, but I could be giving myself a hard time again. As always thank you sweethearts for the support. Every comment inspires me to keep going with the story. Ya'll rock -Love, Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

Chapter 7- Eighteen

--Edward--

A week had passed since weed brownies, Paul, and the possibility of a kiss between Jacob and I.

My thoughts played like a CD with scratches when I tried to recall that night. Some scenes from Halloween I remembered clearer than others, but overall my recollection of events were pretty foggy. Before the brownies took effect, I recalled Jacob putting his arm around my shoulders and promising to take care of me. After I went outside on the field that's when my memory started to fail me horribly. Images and thoughts blurred into a chaotic blend of fire, dancing, and wanting to sleep with Jacob. Overall my desire to have sex with him was the strongest emotion of all from that night.

The morning after Halloween I woke up with my head on his chest. He was still sleeping, but I was clinging onto him, and his arm was wrapped around my shoulder protectively. Even though I was still sobering from the night before I knew that he wasn't aware that we were sleeping like that. Especially since Quil and Embry were sleeping on twin beds beside us, and Paul was passed out drunk on the floor by my feet.

If we were in our dorm then I would've stayed in his arms for a while longer. I would've stayed there and listened to the sound of his heart, and fallen back asleep to the rhythm of his chest rising up and down. But Quil was waking and I didn't want him to catch Jacob and I in an _embrace_.

I placed my hands to my face and wiped tiredly at my eyes. Six hours had passed since I started working on this fucking paper. _Six hours_, and all I had accomplished within that time span was a nonsensical argument that would earn me a C at best. I was far too distracted to concentrate.

A week had passed since Halloween. _A week_. And since then Jacob's behavior had been off. He wasn't around anymore. There was always football practice. Studying in the library, or trips back home, that he never used to take, to occupy his time. I was lonely and I missed him, and for that I felt stupid and weak.

It was okay to love someone freely even if they didn't love you back, but to become a slave to love should be a sin. For the last couple of days I hadn't been sleeping that well. All I could think about was Halloween, and what exactly happened that night, but the only person that could fill in the blanks was a conveniently missing Jacob Black.

We were regressing back to the days where he dated Leah. I had the dorm room to myself; which made me analyze why I was so fucking masochistic. Loving Jacob hurt, especially when I felt like he was ignoring me. The static silence was making the room feel even more desolate than it already was, so I usually filled the space with music.

I was listening to classical music right now.

I attempted to concentrate on the paper again, but my mind just wasn't having it. Right before Jacob took me back to Quil's dorm, or after...my timeline was all fucked up, I thought that Jacob and I were alone somewhere. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried my best to recall the memory. I remembered feeling warm and then safe. I got a quick flash of me touching him.

I couldn't even be sure if my recollection was true. "Hopeless case." I scowled. Even if we did kiss it obviously didn't matter, because high or not, Jacob wasn't here. He wasn't into me point blank. After minutes of exploring the possibility further I decided that it was best to take advantage of my impaired mind and assume that it _didn't_ happen.

Thoughts of the weed-brownie debacle ceased when my cell phone vibrated. My ringtone was 'Hot Revolver' by Lil Wayne. Jacob had chosen it for me right before we left to go up to Mount St. Catherine's. I only kept the ringtone because it reminded me of him, but honestly Lil Wayne ringtones didn't work as well for me as it did for him. I looked down at the screen, it was my dad.

"Hey dad."

"Edward. I swear I haven't talked to you since school started."

I smiled a little, "The cellphone is a device that works on both ends. And did Alice tell you to give me grief about being _anti-social_?"

Carlisle chuckled, "She may have mentioned that in between updating me on the _awesomeness_ of college life, being away from home, and boys. We were on the phone for forty-five minutes. I started to fall asleep and you know how Alice tests you to make sure that you're listening. I think I failed."

I reclined back in the swivel chair, "You officially fail as a father."

His laughter rung in my ears, "So how are you kiddo?"

"Okay."

"I hear classical music in the background." Carlisle commented.

_Oh shit_. I turned down the volume. My family knew me to well to discern classical music as a telltale sign that I was either saddened or in a deeply reflective state. I resented slightly that they could read me so easily.

"Your mom is worried about you Eddie."

I didn't let anyone call me Eddie but my dad. "She's always worried."

"She is, but you know that you and Alice are her life. She's having trouble getting used to the fact that you guys are several states away. But I remind her everyday that you and Alice are adults now, and with your 18th birthday tomorrow, I think Esme will handle the separation better."

"I hope so." I stated unintentionally giving off the vibe that I was bothered by my mom's over protectiveness. I wasn't some baby cub that needed protecting from the wolves. I was strong, and even if I did handle my pain in an emo-ish fashion at times, I always pulled through. Jacob Black was just a stubborn rough patch.

"So have you made any new _friends_?"

I smiled sadly. I knew that when he said friends, he didn't just mean people to socialize with outside of class, but also girls. He was another person I owed the truth to, but I wasn't going to do it over the phone. "I've made a few."

The door opened. I turned my head to the side hopefully, but I was letdown to see Alice. She had DVD's in her hand and a brown bag filled with food.

"Who are you talking too?" she whispered.

"Dad," I answered.

"Hmm," Alice smiled. "Is he falling asleep on you too? Probably not because you're his _favorite_." Alice winked and hopped onto my bed.

"Dad I gotta go Allie is here."

Alice's mouth dropped open. "Aww, you called me _Allie_. You haven't called me that in forever."

I flushed. She often picked up on things that I didn't realize. "So why are you bothering me?"

"Well, apparently Bella is going on a date. Did you know that?"

I arched an eyebrow. "No I didn't." I was surprised that Bella didn't tell me she was going on a date. "If she's going on a date then what are you doing here? Don't you have meddling to do?"

"She's on the date now. I did her hair, picked out an outfit for her to wear, and even made her wear some of my make-up. She wanted to kill me at the end of it all, but I wasn't going to allow her to go on a date in Converse's and a hoodie."

"Alice you really do need your own love life." I mused.

"Look who's talking solo man." Alice jumped off of my bed and floated around my room. She gathered two plates, a Dr. Pepper and a water from the fridge and plastic silverware, "The best thing about College Park is having access to all these different restaurants. I got us Caribbean food for tonight. I hope you like jerk chicken."

"Never had it before, but it smells delicious." I rested my back against the wall and watched as Alice served the food. "So who is this guy Bella is going on a date with?"

"Why are you jealous?" Alice asked in a singsong voice.

"No, I'm not jealous. I was just wondering."

"His name is Chase. They're in a sociology class together. He's cute." Alice shrugged her shoulders as she concentrated on sharing our food. "What's wrong with us Edward? We're both attractive. We're normal. So why the hell are we _still_ single." Alice said this like it was an afterthought but I knew she had spent a great deal of time thinking about it.

"I'm still single by choice and you're probably still single because you scare guys away with your extreme perkiness." I pointed out smartly.

Alice ignored my comment. "Jasper doesn't return my calls. I never see him around campus anymore and I'm seriously starting to wonder if he has a girlfriend, is secretly crazy, or gay."

I looked down.

"I wish that he would just come out and tell me that he isn't into me, so I can stop wasting my time." Alice twisted the cap off of her water. "I would've given up on him a while ago if Bella hadn't pointed out the way he looks at me, when he thinks I'm not looking."

"You need to stop making yourself so available Alice," It was ironic that I was giving her this advice. "I only met Jasper once and he seems nice, but if he isn't calling you back then stop calling him."

"Everything isn't black and white Edward."

"I never said it was."

"You don't have to say it." Alice pushed a plate towards me. "Eat it all, you look pale."

Just to appease Alice I started to eat the food. "I don't see the world in black and white, you know that."

"When it comes to me you do. You always think guys are either good or bad. Ninety-Five percent of guys are turned away by my overprotective brother. Did you give Jasper the crazy eye?"

"No. I _didn't_ get bad vibes from Jasper. But seriously Alice, you need to stop calling him, if he's not calling you back, then he probably isn't interested." The words had slipped out before I could catch them.

"Well at least I can always depend on you to be blunt."

"Or he could be really busy with ROTC? I hear that can be pretty demanding." I attempted to save.

"_Whatever_," she smiled. "Where is your roommate?"

I shoveled some more food into my mouth. Good job Alice in shutting me up. "Don't know." I murmured.

***

The door creaked open in the middle of the night. I peeked open an eyelid and squinted through the darkness at the golden beam spilling inside. Alice was sleeping beside me. While she prided herself on being graceful, from the way she moved to the way she sung, a slumbering Alice was anything but _graceful._ Her snores resembled a train passing right over my dorm room, shaking the windows. She was also a fighter. Any pour soul that had the misfortune of sleeping beside her would wake up bruised, battered, and slammed up against the wall, while she greedily took the whole bed.

I saw Bella wave at me. For a second I thought I was dreaming but then Alice snored abruptly. A sound like that couldn't be reproduced in dreams.

I gently shook Alice as I forced myself up. "Alice go to your room. I want my bed back."

"Shh," she groaned completely out of it.

I sighed and shifted my attention back towards Bella. She was still waving me towards the door. I did my best to crawl over Alice without waking her. Bella looked like a completely different person. She was wearing jeans, her signature black Chucks, and a baby blue blouse that obviously belonged to Alice.

"How was your date?" I stifled a yawn.

Bella stared back at me confused and then she smiled. "It was _okay_. Why is Alice sleeping in your bed?" Bella asked with an amused grin.

"Was your date that unforgettable?" I arched an eyebrow.

Bella closed the door behind me, so our talking wouldn't wake Alice. "Damn you're way to smart for your own good. I didn't go on a date. I was up to something else."

"You were?"

Bella quickly moved past my confusion. "You never told me that your birthday is today."

"Oh yeah, _oops_."

"_Oops_!" She narrowed her eyes at me "Alice already promised to completely embarrass me with the most extravagant, cringe worthy party of my life next year, so it's only fair that I get to do something for you guys. I need you to cancel all your plans for tomorrow, which means Mr. Bookworm I don't want to see one textbook in your hand."

I gave Bella an odd look. "I don't have any plans. And for the record you can throw a surprise party for Alice she'll love it, but I'm not really into surprise parties."

Bella stood on her tipee toes and placed her hands on my face, "Just go back to sleep. I'm going keep my plan in tact and you're going to go with it."

"_Bella_,"

"Yes Edward? Did you have prior plans for your birthday?"

"No,"

"Is Jacob whisking you away to Dubai for a romantic getaway." Her lips turned up at the edges.

"Definitely not."

"Then stop your bitching. I have to go wash off the globs of make-up Alice caked on my face. See how much I had to suffer to do something nice and secretive for you Cullen twins? One is nosy and the other one is ungrateful. _God_."

"Thank you Bella." I sighed against my will. She was right. She didn't have to do this.

"I'll see you tomorrow Edward. Get some rest you look exhausted."

***

The next morning I was ruthlessly ambushed by Alice. My entire dorm room was covered with Happy 18th birthday balloons, and gifts were lined up at the foot of my bed. Now it all made sense to me why Alice had conveniently fallen asleep in my room."Happy Birthday!" she threw her arms around me.

I groaned. "It's too early Alice for loud squeals and cheek hurting smiles."

"We're finally 18!" She pressed on.

"Yeah and I don't feel any different. It's just another day out of 365,"

"_Bah Humbug_." Alice frowned. "Open your gifts!" She swatted me on my back.

"Can I brush my teeth first?" I eyed Alice's fresh change of clothes, styled hair, and freshly applied make-up. "What time did you get up Alice?"

"_Four_." Alice said with wide eyes. "I'm hyped up on caffeine and sugar, so I'm probably going to annoy the hell out of you until you at least give me a smile, Edward Scissorhands."

I stared back at my sister slightly annoyed that something as ridiculous as a birthday could make her act _crazier than usual_. I gave her a forced smile showing all my teeth. "How's that for a smile?"

"It's a scary one that looks more like a grimace."

I snorted and then rolled my head around slowly. "I didn't sleep well last night because you had your knee buried into my back and your elbow was in my face, so excuse me if I'm a little grumpy."

"Well you took back your key." Alice reasoned. "How was I supposed to surprise you with no access to your room?"

"You weren't." I pointed out.

Alice waved her hand, "Not having a key is just a technicality Edward. I respect your privacy, but I want you to actually enjoy your birthday this year. And if that means busting in your room with a shitload of gifts then that's fine. It's my way of showing you that today matters because it's your birthday too."

Her words sunk in. Holidays were huge to Alice and birthdays fell underneath that perpetual umbrella of festivity, so the least I could do was indulge her. I walked towards my closet, and removed an oversized painting. "Back in September, Jacob and I went to an art gallery in Baltimore. I saw this and I knew that I had to get it for you since you idolize Audrey Hepburn."

She stood with her hands clasped to her heart. Her eyes were wide and eager.

"It's a one of a kind, or at least that's what they told me at the art shop." I handed Alice the painting. "You might need my help hanging that up, short stuff."

"_Edward_!" Alice jumped ten feet in the air. "I love it!"

"I knew that you would." I moved my mouth to the side, "I know it's not much but..."

"_Not much_!" Her eyes widened and her voice elevated in horror. "It's _everything_." She stared down in awe at the painting for a few moments, and then placed it on my bed. Alice gave me a tight hug. I was stiff at first and then I wrapped my arms around her. "Best birthday gift ever."

My cheeks warmed. "No need to lie

"Third best." Alice corrected hugging me tighter.

***

The day passed uneventfully. I stayed in my dorm most of the day working on schoolwork, and answering calls from relatives. Everyone in the world was more excited about my birthday than I was. It was six o'clock now, and I hadn't heard a word from Jacob, and even Bella was strangely MIA.

I heard a knock at the door. "The door's open." I called.

Bella poked her head inside. She was wearing a sleek black dress, hoop earrings, and clutching a red purse. My mouth dropped to the floor. "You look..._stunning_."

She waved her hand shyly. "So Edward this can go one of two ways. You can be a good boy and follow my orders or else I'm going to have to result to operation _other plan_." Bella gave me a hopeful smile, "For the sake of me wearing a dress, make-up and heels for your birthday; I'd appreciate it if you followed orders."

"Okay?" I said still trying to get over her outfit.

"You have a monkey suit right?" Bella asked. "We're going to dinner at an upscale restaurant and a monkey suit is required to gain entry."

I took in a deep breath. "When you say upscale...how upscale do you mean?"

"Upscale as in appetizers for 100 dollars, upscale."

"Woah," I shook my head. "If you made those reservations already cancel them Bella. I won't allow you to spend that much on me, and I know Alice wouldn't either."

Bella stepped inside and closed the door behind her. I assumed she realized that this was going to be a hard sell. "Where's Jake?"

"I don't know." I crossed my arms. "He hasn't really been here all week."

"Jacob probably has no idea that today is your birthday."

I decided to change the conversation from Jacob, back to the ridiculously expensive dinner Bella had planned. "If I go to this restaurant tonight, I won't let you pay the bill on your own. I appreciate all of your scheming behind my back..." I paused to smile a little. "But I have to help cover the cost since this is for Alice and I."

The lesson I was learning today was to just accept when people wanted to do nice things for me. The least I could do was say thank you, offer to split the check for dinner, and stop being so damn depressed. Jacob wasn't here, I possibly chased him away, and life had to fucking go on. I clenched my jaw. "Give me ten minutes to get ready okay."

"So, you're all the way in. I won't have to track you down later to find out that you changed your mind?"

"No, I'm in. But you have to agree to let me and Alice help you with the check."

"Well that's not entirely necessary. My limited funds are only paying for a small percentage of the night. Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale are footing the rest of the bill."

I waited for Bella to burst out laughing and then admit that she was only kidding. But her facial expression remained serious as ever. "Uh...come again?"

"Emmett and I were working on Math and I mentioned planning a party for my best-friend, _you_, and he volunteered to help out because apparently he's a serial party planner. " Bella smiled crookedly. "I couldn't say no because he helped me plan the most important details. I suck at planning. Emmett said that any reason to party was a good enough reason to spend money. He also said that you and him were close." Bella shrugged. "So I wasn't going to talk him down."

"Emmett and I aren't _close._" I insisted. "I only talked to the guy a few times, and all I know about Rosalie is that she is Emmett's roommate, and that she carries around a big ass polka-dotted umbrella when it rains. I don't know them Bella and I can't let them pay for my dinner."

"Edward," Bella sighed. "This was all _my_ idea. They just agreed to help out with no strings attached. Yes it might be more extravagant than any birthday you've ever had, but if someone wants to do something nice for you _let them_. God knows it's definitely time for someone to give back to you."

"I just don't understand why anyone would want to throw a party for people they don't know." Despite all my objections I was trudged to the closet anyways. I was going to go, but only because I knew Alice would want me there, and because Bella was wearing a dress for this.

"Just get ready okay." Bella said. "Oh and one more thing, you can question Emmett about why he wants to treat you and Alice to dinner for your birthday, but whatever you do, _don't_ question Rosalie. She might take that as an insult and _kill_ you."

I nodded slowly. "Did you tell Alice about Rosalie and Emmett's _kindness_?"

"I did. But Emmett's been over to our dorm a few times to help me with math so she knows him." Bella walked towards the door. "When you're ready meet us downstairs in the lounge."

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly.

"I texted Jake." Bella tossed in just before slipping outside. "I told him that we're having a birthday party for you and I would appreciate it if he showed up. I gave him the directions so maybe he'll be waiting for us there?"

"Maybe," I murmured.

Bella paused by the door fidgeting with her hands. "Edward did you tell him that you liked him?"

I had been so confused over the weed brownies and what actually transpired that night that I hadn't mentioned anything to Bella. "I honestly don't know what I told him, or what I did to him, but I think I have an idea."

Bella frowned. "Did you guys get drunk or something? I would usually take perverse pleasure in your drunk stories with Jacob, but this one couldn't have possibly ended well if you're all mopey." Bella placed her hand to her heart. "Don't tell me he's back with Leah."

"Bella,"

"_Edward_," she looked horrified. "You can't just give up that easily. Leah's the safe choice, don't let him choose the default."

"It's not a matter of choosing. I was high and I think I kissed him."

Bella gave me a look that mirrored my expression when I found out that Rosalie and Emmett were helping to pay for dinner. "You were _high_? Edward you smoke weed?"

I scowled. "No I don't smoke weed. One of Jake's idiot friends made brownies and I stupidly swallowed them down whole."

Bella placed her hands on her hips angrily. "So one of his friends _drugged_ you."

I could see that she was getting upset. "The point is that I wasn't myself and I might have said or did something that made him back off completely. Jacob isn't gay. I've been forcing myself to realize that all week which is why I've been a poster child for a _Zoloft_ commercial these last couple of days."

Bella frowned. "Have you considered the possibility that he's confused? And who knows maybe nothing happened at all?"

"That would be grasping for straws." I said. "I've been waiting around for him for days, pathetically, and he isn't even my boyfriend. I love him, but what I've realized is that being alone in this room without Jacob, reminds me how much it hurts to feel so strongly for someone who might never return the sentiment." I blinked with difficulty. "It's my birthday so I'm going to try and have some fun."

***

I got ready with little excitement. I took a shower. I made sure to use Dial soap and not Irish Spring because it reminded me of him, and I got dressed robotically. As soon as the white buttoned down shirt, black and red striped tie and crisp slacks were on; I wanted them _off_. I hated dressing up with a passion.

Downstairs in the lobby Bella, Alice and Jasper were talking about something or the other. Alice was all smiles and sitting right beside Jasper. He was hanging onto her every word but once again he looked painfully shy. From where I stood I could see Jasper's leg nervously tapping.

Bella saw me first. She whistled. "Hey _baby_ can I get your digits?"

I rolled my eyes at her and grinned. "Hi Jasper." I said to the curly blonde.

"Nice to meet you again Edward." He stood up to shake my hand. He was obviously relieved to get away from Alice for a second. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," I said quickly.

"Okay now that everyone is here, I'm going to call Rosalie and Emmett and tell them to meet us at the dorm." Bella pulled her cell out of her clutch purse. "Hey Em, the twins plus Jasper are ready to go."

I watched as Jasper sat back down next to Alice. She was texting on her phone and laughing at something, while he was staring straight down at the ground. There was a wall that prevented me from seeing what kind of guy Jasper was? Alice probably saw something in him that I didn't.

"_Hey_," Bella hissed.

"What?"

She linked her arm in mine, "Your horns are showing. Stop glaring at Jasper."

"I _wasn't _glaring. I'm just interpreting. He seems like he doesn't know what to do around her."

"Well let that be _their_ problem. Jasper only acts that way around her. When I talked him into coming tonight he was confident, and sweet, but when Alice walked into the room, he turned into this shy kid. I think it's cute that Alice makes him so uneasy."

I stole another glance in Jasper and Alice's direction. Alice was showing Jasper pictures on her camera phone, while giggling and pointing at me. Jasper was smirking, but his eyes were on her, instead of the pictures.

That look in his eyes was familiar because I had perfected it. _Hopeless love_.

***

Five minutes later we all piled into Rosalie's Mercedes Benz SUV. Like her polka-dotted umbrella, her ride was _extravagant_. She had spinning rims, and a sound system that vibrated all throughout the SUV, making me feel like I was more in a club than a car.

"Hey," Rosalie waved at all of us. "Watch the seats."

Emmett was up front wearing a suit. He was too busy singing to some Rap song to even greet us. Rosalie turned down the radio. Emmett still sung however.

"Happy Birthday!" Rosalie rubbed her hands together. "So how old are you anyway?" Her eyes were trained solely on me. "Sixteen?" she laughed.

I laughed nervously, "No, I'm eighteen."

Rosalie's smile faded. I wasn't sure if she heard my response. "We're going to one of my favorite Italian restaurants in Baltimore. The food there is really good."

I saw Emmett pass Rosalie an irritated look, which she noticed, and returned with vengeance. Her glare reminded me of _Carrie_. Just one glance from those eyes could send rafters falling onto helpless students, and gymnasiums bursting into flames.

"You're Edward's sister right." Rosalie said to Alice.

"Yes, I'm Alice nice to meet you." Alice extended her hand but Rosalie didn't shake it.

"Nice meeting you too Alverena."

"Alice," My sister corrected.

"_Sure,_" Rosalie said indifferently. She slipped on her white shades and turned back up the music. "Strap in kids, we're going for a wild ride."

***

The restaurant reminded me of a place that my mom and dad liked to frequent back home in Savannah. I hated restaurants like this one because everyone was wearing their _flashiest_ best. This was a society establishment that reinforced the importance of being wealthy and able to afford Prada, Gucci, and Versace like they were Wal-Mart brands for the wealthy. I _was_ part of this world, but it wasn't something I was proud of. Rosalie obviously was.

On our way to Baltimore I contemplated why Rosalie would pay for this? She seemed selfish enough, so there had to be some ulterior motive. Most people would've let it go by now, but I _couldn't_. I eventually concluded that it made her feel good to show people how much money she had? By buying other people lavish gifts or taking them out to dinner she established her place above them.

I felt guilty for assuming all these horrible things about her, but when something didn't make any sense I went out of my way to find reason.

"Rosalie Hale," she said crisply to the attendant. "I made the reservations yesterday." Rosalie flipped her long blonde hair off of her shoulders. The attendant was busily texting on his phone, and ignoring her. Rosalie loudly cleared her throat and then tapped her hands impatiently on the podium. "Did you hear me? Rosalie Hale, reservations made yesterday."

"He heard you Rose." Emmett spoke up. "It looks like he has his hands tied."

I glanced sideways at Emmett surprised. It wasn't like him to stand up for anyone.

"I don't give a fuck if he's talking to the President, _himself._ I made my reservations yesterday, and I want my table now."

Emmett brushed past her, "The ice-queen will get you fired dude. You better get her a table and quick."

Rosalie nodded, "Thanks Emmett. And while you're at it Barry, get me a chilled glass of white wine."

"ID ma'am?" The attendant said shakily.

Rosalie gave him her signature stare. "_ID_? Excuse me? Do I look like a toddler to you?"

"No you don't and I um...I said _Ice tea_ on the side?" He substituted shakily.

"No, just get me my table _now._" Rosalie barked. She craned the fancy restaurant, her eyes wandering over every head. "And one more thing." She dropped her voice, "Has Dean Montgomery arrived yet?"

I listened unapologetically. Who was Dean Montgomery?

"He is here." The waiter answered questioningly. "Why do you ask?"

"I want a table right beside his." Rosalie ordered.

Emmett was staring at her lividly now. "Don't you think that's a little too _far_ Rose?"

"Actually I don't." Rosalie answered haughtily.

I watched as Jasper placed his hand on Alice's back and led her to where Bella and I were standing. Jasper didn't look shy now.

"We can find somewhere else to eat." He suggested.

"Well we're already here?" Alice said.

"But _she_ doesn't even know your name." Jasper's cheeks flushed scarlet. "This is your birthday not hers."

Bella racked her hands through her hair, "Jasper hold on a second. We came here with Rosalie and Emmett."

"Rosalie could've just came by herself being that she obviously booked this place in her best-interest." Jasper looked down, "And we _did_ come with her, but that doesn't mean we have to spend the night with her."

I noticed Rosalie glance behind her back at us a few times. It was as if she sensed an uprising. The attendant was gathering menus now.

"You're going to make an idiot out of yourself." Emmett warned.

"So what?" Rosalie snipped. "Dean and I aren't together anymore. I don't have to worry about impressing his fucking parents, or being something I'm _not_." Rosalie pushed Emmett out of the way, "_Move_." She positioned herself in between Bella and I.

Rosalie suddenly started to giggle as if I had said the funniest thing in the world. Bella gasped as if she had just saw a three-headed beast, and Jasper stared back at Rosalie as if she was crazy. Rosalie linked her arm in mine.

"Edward we're friends right?" she asked.

I thought she was _delusional_.

Before I could answer her question Emmett stood in front of us, blocking the path.

"You can humiliate yourself Rosalie, but I mean it when I say don't drag anyone down with you." Emmett didn't bother looking at me. "Let him go. People are already staring."

I eased my arm out of Rosalie's. "Yeah, I don't want to be in the middle of whatever this is?"

Emmett glared at Rosalie, "_Rose_."

She raised her chin, "Nothing is going on. Can't someone do something fucking nice for their friends?"

"They are not your friends." Emmett said gesturing angrily towards us. "You don't know them, all you know is that _their_ birthday is the perfect excuse for you to show up here and pretend that your being here is a coincidence. And then humiliate the guy that chose another woman over you, because his family approved of her"

Rosalie was deathly silent. Her face twisted and contorted until I thought she was going to cry. But not even one tear fell. "Fuck you Emmett."

He shrugged carelessly. His eyes looked saddened though.

"I want my own table!" Rosalie yelled. "This is what happens when I try to do something nice. Get me my own fucking table _Barry_!"

"But you didn't make split reservations?" The attendant stammered. "I can't just find _another_ table."

Rosalie stepped closer to the poor attendant. She looked like a beautiful amazon compared to him; ready to sink her fangs into his pale flesh. "It's their birthday, and I drove all the way down here. So I don't give damn if you got to set up a table outside for some old people, I'm going to eat and so are they."

"_No_," Jasper spoke up. "You can't just talk to him like he's a dog. We're not eating here." Jasper looked at me obviously hoping that I would back him up.

"Thank you Rosalie, but no thanks." I said.

"Well then." The tall blonde dismissed us with the cold shoulder, "I'm eating here and I'm going to stay as long as I want. When I'm ready to go I'm leaving. I'll call Emmett _once_, so you self righteous idiots better stick close to the _king idiot_." She glowered at Jasper, "And I don't like you at all, you little _smurf_."

"His name is _Jasper_." Alice spoke up. "Let's go guys." She tugged on Jasper's arm, and on her way past me linked arms with Bella. "Edward?"

"Are you coming with us Emmett?" I asked.

Rosalie had already stormed towards her table like an overdramatic Tyra Banks sneering at some handsome brunette that resembled a younger Matthew Fox. Emmett's eyebrows furrowed.

"Why little Cullen?"

"Just answer my question and don't bullshit me."

Emmett clenched his jaw, "What's it to you. Answer _my_ question."

I waved my hand dismissively, "Forget it."

"She's my friend." Emmett stated simply.

I stopped in my tracks. The thing about Emmett was that he seemed to have difficulty expressing emotion. His voice sounded unusually strained, and nowhere near as loud, or obnoxious as it usually did.

"She can be the biggest bitch in the world sometimes. What she pulled tonight was fucked up, but Rosalie acts without thinking about the consequences. Believe me three days from now she'll be beating herself up about ruining your birthday, but right now this is _her_ day. Her chance to get revenge."

I watched as Rosalie took a seat at a table with five chairs. She was sitting in the middle. "I should know better than to expect honest answers from you, but if she wanted to get back at an ex, what was your reason for coming here?"

"_Simple._ I fucked up football season this year. I'm keeping busy."

I wanted to get closer to him, but I couldn't, because even though Jacob wasn't here with me, I still felt his influence. "So are you really finished for the season?"

Emmett's expression hardened. "Coach already filled my spot." Emmett laughed bitterly, "Apparently I'm as dispensable as a magnum condom."

"You're _not_ dispensable." I said.

Emmett licked his lips, "If you want to catch up with the _smurfettes_ you better get going kid."

"I'm _18_," I said smiling a little.

Emmett nodded slowly and looked back at me, "At least you're legal now. No longer will I have to worry about that guy from to _Catch a Predator_ busting in on me when I'm having less than holy thoughts about you. Kiddie Porn no more. Welcome to the adult world."

My eyebrows furrowed and I cleared my throat. I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. No jokes, come-ons, our jabs at Jacob. This was him. And I felt at ease. "So what are you going to do about her?" I tilted my head towards Rosalie.

She was now drinking a glass of wine.

"I'm going to wait for her to finish making a fool out of herself and then I'm going to drive us home." Emmett scoffed. "I _hate_ being the designated driver."

Rosalie waved Emmett over, "_M&M_," she called with a high-pitched fake as ever tone.

Emmett chuckled, "If she thinks I'm going to respond to M&M then she's got another thing coming. I'll give her fifteen minutes." Emmett turned his back and started to walk away. Once he was a few steps in front of me he stopped. "You coming Kiddie Porn?"

"Where are we going?" I asked shoving my hands in my pockets.

"To go find you some cake. It is your birthday ain't it?"

***

Emmett and I ended up at a bar. I had no idea where Alice, Bella and Jasper wondered off too.

"So much for being the designated driver." Emmett snorted as he took a swig of beer. He handed me the bottle, "Grow some hair on your chest, and take a sip of my magic juice."

"I know what beer tastes like." I took a sip and then slid the bottle back to him, "And besides I already have some hair on my chest."

Emmett wagged his eyebrows, "If you weren't wearing that tie, then I would demand a nip slip."

My cheeks warmed. "Which I wouldn't give you." I looked down and smiled. I was bantering with him and I couldn't stop. "This is unholy."

"You and me in harmony?" Emmett grinned.

I nodded slowly.

Emmett winked, "Downright _sinful_. The angels in heaven are crying for your soul."

I took Emmett's beer from him and took another sip.

"Where's your boy?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"_Jacob_," Emmet clarified.

I downed half his beer without realizing it.

"You know you wouldn't even be talking to me if he was around. I would just be the slutty stand in with soggy boobs, one leg, and a moldy eye patch."

I laughed and beer came out of my nose. "_Uggh_."

Emmett grinned along with me. "Let me go get you some napkins. I'll be right back."

When Emmett left I realized that he was _right._ I wouldn't be talking to him if Jacob was around, I avoided him, because I felt like I should. My heart was stupidly loyal to Jacob, even though he probably knew by now that today was my birthday.

He didn't even bother calling me; which hurt like hell.

With difficulty I swallowed down the rest of Emmett's beer. I was right back to where I started at the beginning of the day. Miserable and trying to remember how to patch my heart back up to the way it used to be.

"Make a wish." Emmett snuck up behind me with a pink frosted cupcake in his hand. He raised it and made a gesture to smash it in my face, but instead he tipped my nose with frosting.

I stared down at my nose, my eyes going crossed.

Emmett chuckled and wiped my nose clean with his thumb. He pulled a box of candles out of his pocket. "Shit, I _stole_ the wrong ones."

I bit my lip.

Emmett placed two blue candles on the cupcake, "Let's just pretend that's a one and an eight." He then removed a lighter and lit the candles. "Now make a wish Cullen." Emmett sat down across from me, his knees brushing mine.

"I can't believe you got me a cupcake." I half-smiled.

"I didn't get you a cupcake, I _stole_ you one. I got a bounty on my ass over this, so you better make my crime count."

I closed my eyes and without making a wish I blew out the candles.

**Review! **


	8. Skin

**AN**: I have to say that I loved reading the reactions from the last chapter! Most of you guys were ready to stalk Jake down, and demand to know why he stood up Edward for his birthday. Well, I am not an entirely evil girl so I'm going to let Jake explain his side of the story. **This chapter is set on Edward and Alice's birthday, but it's told from Jacob's POV**. Here you'll find out mostly about his life, pre-Edward and College Park. Also I have to say that I was pretty pleased with the reaction to Emmett/Edward. So I will say that Jacob/Edward/Leah/Emmett are involved in a quadrangle. So **4EverAndEver **I hope you're not too mad at me;) And **alt-3-elf**, don't you worry, I think you might like this chapter a little better. No Emmett;) Thank you to all the new reviewers for stopping in to show this story some love, I heard from some new people and I appreciated it. And hugs to my loyal followers. You know who you are, and you are all the BEST. **, **your English is perfect and so was your sweet review! –Maddie

**lycorn3659874**- I answer most of your questions in this chapter. But I'll let Edward answer in later chapters if he has feelings for Emmett:) **Bibilein**- Jasper hasn't given Alice anything yet.

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing. Twilight is Stephenie Meyer's wonderful creation.

Chapter 8- Skin

--Jacob--

In the still of darkness everything is peaceful. My thoughts are chaotic and scattered, but I can close my eyes, and expel everything to the far corner of my mind. Sleep and darkness are two remedies for dealing with pain, and another way is to run as far away from it as you can. I'm running, and I don't know how to stop. My heart is screaming at me for me to stop, and just see this for what it is. Unexplainable. Complicated. _Necessary and totally_ _irrevocable_. Somewhere along the way Edward Cullen had attached himself to me, he was a part of my life, a huge part, because breathing was easier when he was around.

I spent so much time trying to be everyone's _personal sunshine_ that I never stopped to think how fucked up in the head I was. I didn't want to think about it. I distracted myself with football, girls, Leah, and now Edward, but the distraction he provided wasn't tangible until now.

A week ago I had been going out of my mind trying to figure out why I grabbed Edward and kissed him. I needed a week away to think through everything, and I concluded that kissing him back was my gut reaction to being so dependent on him. Edward understood me, he understood me as well as Leah, but without the complications. When we were together my world felt whole. I didn't like to lean on people, I'd rather they leaned on me, but Edward was sturdy. He held me up when I doubted myself.

The silvery moonlight glided into my room, and the window was open letting in the freezing early November air. I couldn't sleep. I pushed back my covers and crawled out of bed. I threw on a tee shirt and some mesh shorts, and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I hoped like fucking hell that Rachel and her fiancé Brent were sleeping. I wouldn't be able to resist a fight if Rachel asked me about school one more time, and Brent tried to act all fatherly to me.

The kitchen was dark. I flipped on the lightswitch. Thank god all coasts were clear. Rachel had made spaghetti for dinner, but I had skipped on dinner, because she asked me to be nice to Brent, and I would rather starve than be fake. I rummaged around in the fridge for the spaghetti like a man on a mission. I found it in the back. Rachel had written my name on it.

I smiled. Rebecca was obviously home, or at least within two hours of Maryland. She was notorious for eating _everything_ in the fridge, unless someone staked their claim by writing their name on the food item. I hummed to myself and then improvised some rap about how good the spaghetti would be in my belly.

The door leading into the kitchen opened.

I paused in my tracks and stared at the door, waiting.

Rebecca stumbled in. Her hair was _dreadlocked_.

I arched an eyebrow and watched her in amusement. Rebecca was definitely the wild one out of the Black kids. Her motto was to try everything once and I assumed that she had crossed out a few more things on her list tonight.

"Jacob!" Rebecca squealed.

"_Becky_," she hated being called Becky.

Rebecca made a sudden detour towards the silverware drawer. "Don't make me beat you with a wooden spoon."

"Bring it on Bob Marley."

Rebecca snickered. She walked over to me and wrapped me tightly in her arms. "So how is my little brother doing? And fuck...its nighttime and your sober?" Rebecca squinted her eyes at me, "No more vodka in water bottles?"

I wrinkled my nose, "Nah, I've been working on staying sober."

She nodded impressed. Rebecca's dark eyes darted around the kitchen. "So where is our conservative sister and that preachy controlling son of a bitch Brent?" Rebecca scowled.

"Probably sleep somewhere?" I shrugged. "So why are you home Rebecca?"

Rebecca eyed my plate of food, "You gonna eat all of that?"

"I was planning on it. There is lunchmeat in the refrigerator. Go make yourself a sandwich or something."

"A sandwich!"

"Yeah," I smirked, "PB&J is your friend, slab some jelly on one side, and give the other side equal love with peanut butter, and bring the two together. Viola, _PB&J_,"

"But I don't want that poor man's meal. I want some spaghetti. It smells like Rachel really put her foot into that batch."

I narrowed my eyes at Rebecca. She obviously wasn't going to give up until I shared my dinner with her. "_Fine_,"

In seconds she had a plate and was already allotting most of the spaghetti for her greedy ass. "Hey!" I growled. "Keep it up and I'll only give you a handful of noodles."

Rebecca grunted. "So why are you here?"

"Because all my stuff is _here_."

"But so are Rachel and Brent with their rules, and fraud of a relationship." Rebecca glanced towards the open door, "By the way I'm expecting a friend over."

"A _friend_?" I snorted, "Does this one refer to himself in the third person like the last freak you brought over here?"

Rebecca smiled in amusement to herself, "No this one doesn't talk at all."

"What?"

"He says that words interfere with the message. Sight should be the universal language. Everything is so much easier understood that way...love is silent."

I tilted my head to the side. "Are you high?"

She giggled, "I'm high most of the time Jake, smell the roses."

"Oh I smell them." I wrinkled my nose at her, "And they don't smell like fucking roses, more like Bourbon and Bum."

"What is going on here?" Rachel asked in hushed alarm as she appeared at the entrance to the kitchen. Her deep brown eyes were fixed in an accusatory stare at Rebecca. "Are you on drugs _again_."

"No," Rebecca answered smartly. "I'm just living my life. Rachel there are a lot of things you don't understand. The world is so much bigger than the confined hell you created with your _pimp_."

I bit my lip. I was outspoken, but Rebecca was a volcano. She knew no limits.

"Jake, would you mind eating upstairs in your room. I need to talk to Rebecca." Rachel said crossing her arms. She was thinner than Rebecca, and lithe like a ballerina.

"He's eighteen Rachel."

"He's a kid still!" Rachel argued, "And it's irresponsible of you to come in here high on whatever the hell you're high on..."

"You need to get off your fucking high horse Rachel. You're no better than me, so stop pretending like you are." Rebecca hollered.

"Brent is _sleeping_." Rachel reiterated. "Why are you talking so loud Rebecca."

"Because this isn't your fucking house." Rebecca hissed.

"No it's not, but who's paying the mortgage? Who's working her ass off to keep our parents house. _Me_. While you're traveling the world, hooking up with guys, and getting new piercings, I'm here taking care of everything!"

Everything was starting to feel _heavy_ again. Rebecca was yelling at Rachel, and Rachel was doing her best not to yell back, but eventually she lost her cool. I stood there feeling helpless, and drained of all energy. At the end of the day it was my job to bring us all together. Without mom and dad we were scattered and lost. We didn't even feel like a family anymore.

We hadn't felt like a family in a while.

I wasn't sure how long they were arguing, but when I snapped out of my daze, I surfaced angry. "Both of you shut the fuck up!" They both went silent immediately. "And I'm not a _kid_ Rachel."

Rachel's eyebrows knitted together, "Yes you are Jake."

"Believe me. I haven't been a kid for a while." With that I brushed past Rachel and went back up to my room.

.

***

After I stormed upstairs, I hadn't heard anymore angry words exchanged between Rachel and Rebecca. I stared around the light blue walls of my room. They were a memory of father and son bonding years ago, back when I still idolized my father. I turned over on my side.

My door creaked open. "Jake are you still awake."

"No I'm sleeping," I grumbled.

"I couldn't eat the spaghetti. It's _guilt_ spaghetti now." Rebecca flipped on my light switch.

I groaned. "I'm not hungry. Can you just get out of here?"

"I'm pissed off at Rachel, and that has nothing to do with you. This is my war, not yours." Rebecca swatted me on the back, "I came home because Rachel told me that you had been here all week."

My eyes focused darkly on the abnormally huge moon just outside my window.

"I heard you won your homecoming game."

I sat up and narrowed my eyes at her, "Rebecca," I licked my lips and looked down. I was on edge because of everything, and when I was on edge sometimes I said things that I didn't mean. "I'm tired." I did my best to regulate my voice.

"Okay,"

"Then I'll see you tomorrow." I finalized.

Rebecca wasn't one to linger or beg, so she left.

I folded my arms behind my head and I closed my eyes. I cleared my mind, and attempted to finish what I had started before Rachel and Rebecca started arguing in the kitchen. Lose myself to the tranquility of sleep.

***

_Stalks of amber grain swayed around me as I laid on my back staring up at the clear blue sky. Birds chirped cheerfully in a tree, and the sound of the pond lapping onto the shore filled my ears. I didn't know how long I had been laying like this, soaking up the sun, the serenity, and most of all the solitude. _

_ Footsteps approached. _

_ I tilted my head upwards. He was blocking my sun. Golden light quickly scattered around him, lighting up his bronze hair, and the blonde hairs on his arm. He sunk down beside me with his arms crossed in his lap. I watched him, taking in his keen expression, beautiful red lips, and hidden effervescence. _

_He was not overtly bubbly. In fact I rarely saw him smile when he was alone, but when we were together I was privileged to get another version of Edward. He made me laugh, and I felt so at peace with him. Even now in this field, with the birds, and the lapping pond, he brought the most peaceful stirrings in my soul._

_ "Tell me what's on your mind." He said. His voice was so fucking perfect. Soft like butter._

_ My lips parted but I couldn't find the words just yet._

_ Edward adjusted his body and then laid down flat on his stomach. "You know I won't ever hurt you."_

_ "I know,"_

_ "Then why are you running from me?"_

_ I stared deep into his cerulean eyes. Edward Cullen had the most beautiful eyes I had seen in my life. They were blue sometimes, or green, and on occasions his eyes were a mixture of both. I didn't even know it was possible for people's eyes to change color until he came around with those chameleon eyes._

_ Of course Edward Cullen had to be the exception on every front._

_ Fastest Friendship. Check. Most Trusted. Check. And first guy crush, or whatever the fuck this was. Check. _

_ He was just perfection rolled into one awkward, alarmingly beautiful, but yet unaware, seventeen year old boy. I hadn't felt this way about anyone except for Leah, and that's why I needed a week to get my shit together._

_ "What would you do if I ran away from you?" Edward asked. _

_ I wasn't looking at him even though his voice was commanding me to pay attention to him. He reached forward and before I knew it his hands were on my cheek, he was cold, freezing, he always was, and I was warm. Edward brought his face closer and brushed his nose against mine._

_ "What would you do if I ran?"_

_ To kill the serious tone I joked, "I would strap on my Nikes and chase your ass."_

_ Edward chuckled musically._

_ "I'm not going to go as far as to say that I need you for survival, because I don't. But I need you to bring me down sometimes, when the world starts spinning. I need an outlet. That's why I started drinking. I was addicted to hiding my pain and pretending that everything was okay, when it wasn't." _

_ Edward closed his eyes and his soft eyelashes fluttered across my skin. His breath was cool and minty. "I'll keep you from all your vices, I'll never give up on you Jake. But what happens when I become the addiction you can't stomach. What if you give up on me, I can't break through that wall." _

_ Edward's lips brushed across my own like a bittersweet tragedy, quick but potent enough to kill. He gripped onto my arms, and I reached out to grab him, hold his body to mine, but the sun had disappeared and it was dark now._

_ Edward had vanished and I was left alone, here in the darkness._

***

I woke up with a start. I was drenched and freezing.

I searched around my room madly, disoriented by the rude awakening.

Paul stood over me with a bucket in his hand, "Get your ass up, my Gran heard you were home and she sent me over."

"What the fuck!" I hollered. Paul's expression remained unchanging. Playful and unapologetic. I threw back the covers with the full intention of whopping his ass! Paul was smarter than that so he started to run. I didn't even bother getting dressed. I tore down the sun soaked hallway wearing nothing but my boxers. "You little bitch!"

Paul sprinted towards the door but I was way faster than him. I threw my body forward and tackled him to the ground. Paul immediately started to fight dirty. I pinned his arms behind his head. I dodged his kicking legs, and waited for the perfect opportunity to knock the shit out of him.

After all I still had a score to settle with him for the weed brownies he gave Edward.

"Umm...good morning?" Brent Gable said from the top of the stairs. His tone reeked of authoritative questioning.

I narrowed my eyes at him. Paul had stopped struggling underneath me, and he was returning Brent the same malicious glare I was.

Brent was tall, probably around 6'5. He had dark hair; which he wore buzzed low, light brown eyes, and cinnamon colored skin. Brent was also skinny; I could snap him in half like a twig if I wanted.

"If you two boys want to wrestle you can do that outside." He continued to eye Paul and I with caution like we might start making out right here. Usually I would've picked up on his discomfort and aggravated it, but I wasn't going to grope Paul or kiss his cheek, just to get under Brent's skin.

Paul wasn't the best subject for jokes like that.

"And Jacob put on some clothes. It's _indecent_." Brent stated.

Paul pushed his hands against my chest. "Okay get the fuck off of me Jake."

I got up, but not before slamming my hand into the back of Paul's head. He shot up ready to kill. Paul grabbed me by my arms and slammed me up against a wall.

"_Paul_," Rachel said.

I didn't even bother pushing Paul away because I knew that Rachel's voice was like honey to a vicious bear. I smartly narrowed my eyes at him with an amused smirk. Paul let me go like I was Britney Spears in her crazy days, razor and all.

"We were just playing." Paul laughed. He reached back and wrapped his arm around me; "I haven't seen him in _forever_." His nails dug into my flesh.

Rachel crossed her arms and nodded, "Okay, just don't play so rough."

"Leave them be Rach, they're boys." Rebecca stated dismissively as she strolled into the kitchen with a bottle of gin in her hand.

Rachel's eyes widened and she immediately stalked after Rebecca.

"You're stupid as shit." I said to Paul.

His face was flushed, "I'm going to stay over here for breakfast. We can go back to my house afterwards." Without another word Paul slipped into the kitchen with everyone else.

I stared after Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for a few seconds and then shook my head. It was beyond me why Paul actually thought he had a chance with Rachel. His chances with her were about as slim as Emmett's chances with Edward. _Non-existent_.

I walked back up to my room, not ready yet to dive into the madness that was Rastafarian Rebecca, Delusional Paul, and Weak Rebecca. Brent was an entirely different level of madness that couldn't be summed up in one word. Once I was back in my room I pulled out some clothes to wear for the day, and habitually checked my phone.

I hadn't been back to Cambridge Hall in so long that I was kind of hoping that Edward would call me. Even if I was kind of avoiding him out of guilt for the brownies, and confusion for the kiss. I _still_ wanted to hear from him. The only person that called me these days was Quil.

After shutting off my phone, I tossed it in my top drawer. Edward wasn't going to call. He had no reason to, and if he did, what would I say? Yeah, I kissed you, but I'm not gay, we're just connected on an entirely different level. You make me feel...well _whole_?

I chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to start drinking again. I took in a deep breath and chased away all my thoughts until my mind was clear. A few minutes later I was in the shower. At first I just stood there and allowed the hot water to glide down my skin. I closed my eyes and breathed in the steam.

A series of images corrupted my thoughts. I thought of Leah and how she used to always sneak in my room at nighttime. Then I thought about sex. It had been a while since we slept together. I would do anything to make this shower last longer so I stirred up memories of Leah and I fucking on my bed...I missed her, the way she smelled, the way she dug her claws into my skin, and the hickeys she purposely left to remind other girls that I was taken.

I could hear her moans in my ear.

And then I heard _his_ moans.

This was wrong. This was so fucking wrong. But I could feel my dick tensing past the point of ecstasy. My thrust became more furious and a grunt escaped my lips. Leah was gone, and it was just Edward and I. _Fuck_. He was on my bed sprawled out like a slut with his ass up in the air I was fucking him.

He was groaning and pulling at my slick body. I had my hands on his shoulders holding him to me, Edward's cheeks were flushed and his hair was wilder than ever. He feverishly asked me to kiss him and I did. My whole body started to quake as I reached my climax, erupting deep inside of him.

I opened my eyes. I was breathing heavily. I blinked away the wetness from the water pouring down my face and then I rinsed the come off my hands and my body. I was seriously _fucked_.

***

Downstairs in the kitchen Brent was sitting at the head of the table. Rachel had made coffee, bacon, eggs, cheese toast, and grits. She was serving Brent. I scowled in distaste; everyone was scowling in fact, everyone but Rachel and Brent. I took a seat beside Rebecca.

She was reading the comics and drinking gin.

"What took you so long?" she asked.

"Are you clocking me?" I returned.

"Yes, because I'm hungry and Rachel wouldn't let us eat until _you_ came downstairs." Rebecca twirled a dreadlock around her hand, "What is that _demon child_ doing here?" she was referring to Paul.

"Following his master I assume." I said tilting my head towards Brent.

"Well isn't this great?" Brent announced clasping his hands together. He focused on Rebecca and I, purposely excluding Paul. "Rach, this is what you wanted, some time with your family."

I shifted my eyes towards Rachel, she was smiling, but her smile was sad. I breathed inwards and held my comments. I loved Rachel and I didn't want to hurt her, but she was hurting me by marrying this fuck-up of a guy.

"Rebecca I see you've done something interesting with your hair." Brent chuckled, "Looks very..._primitive_."

"Brent please," Rachel said quickly.

"I like her hair." I spoke up. "In fact I was thinking about growing mine out too, and dreadlocking it." I smiled evily just to get a reaction out of Brent.

He ignored me all together.

Rebecca took a swig of gin, "Laugh it up _Chauncey_." She delivered with a biting smile to Brent. "I'm planning on staying for a while." She threw back her arms folding them behind her head and then kicked her feet up onto the table by Brent's plate.

"_Ohh_," Brent stared back at her alarmed, "Your soiled feet are only inches away from my plate."

"Hold the manicure, bring the bunions and the corns." I stated in amusement looking at Rebecca's rough dogs. Her feet had to have seen better days, and today wasn't one of them.

Rebecca snickered, "Last month a friend of mine and I went barefoot hiking in Virginia. It was one of the best experiences of my life connecting with nature like that, but my feet." Rebecca made a comical pained face, "I don't know if they'll ever recover."

Rebecca rubbed her toes together. The sound was crispy, like two sticks being rubbed together to start a fire. "But I think I'll be staying for a while." She repeated.

I shifted my eyes towards Rachel. Her saddened expression had changed to one of anger. _Here we go again_.

"You can't stay here." Brent spoke up. "I'm sure there are plenty of halfway houses or street corners that will be better suited for you...and your feet."

"Halfway houses!" Rebecca exclaimed in a fit of laughter. "This is my parent's house you fucking son a bitch."

"Hey," I said waving my hand at Rebecca, "You can argue all you want when I'm gone."

Paul stood up, "Rachel do you need any help?"

"Why are you here anyways Paul?" Brent interrupted. "And no Rachel doesn't need your help."

"Brent, leave him alone." Rachel defended tiredly. "Can't we just eat breakfast and let everything else come later?"

I had no problem with that. I shoveled down breakfast in five minutes. Not really tasting the food, but instead eager to get the hell out of the house. After breakfast Paul lingered to wash the dishes like a little bitch.

Ten minutes later we walked in the clear blue morning towards his Gran's house. My house was located on a farm. We had a little bit of land, just enough for Rachel's horses to roam comfortably. Paul's house was directly across from ours.

His Gran was outside watering her garden. She was a kind woman, senile as senile gets, but kind all the same.

"Gran your _favorite_ is here." Paul scowled, "Jake frickin' fantastic."

"Oh my word." She walked over to us. She was miniature, probably 4'11, with creased russet skin, graying black hair, and the kindest, more sincere smile I had seen in my life. "Hold this for me Embry." She thrust the watering bucket towards Paul.

"I'm Paul." He corrected.

"Jake!" She held out her arms and I leaned forward to hug her. Gran gave me a kiss on both cheeks and then hugged me tightly. "I was wondering if you were going to wait until I was dead until you came home."

Paul rolled his eyes in the background, "So dramatic."

"You know it's pretty serious business living with this one." She tilted her head towards Paul, "Quil, just wants to get rid of me so he can have this house and collect my life insurance paycheck." She snickered. "That mean goat."

"Gran you're not related to Quil or Embry." Paul pointed out getting visibly less patient. "Or even _him_."

Gran leaned away and linked her arm inside mine, "Jake you must be driving those girls wild in your high school."

I made no attempts to correct her.

"What about that rude Leah girl?" Gran asked. "Are you still with her? The girl had more mouth on her than the lord should've allowed."

"Yes I'm still with Leah," I answered.

Paul walked behind us.

"I made some food."

"Oh," I smiled, "I just ate breakfast."

"You just ate what?"

"Breakfast." I repeated.

"_So_," She was feisty when she wanted to be. "I cooked all this food and Paul never eats it. He'd rather fill his body with that junk from Burger Donald's."

"Burger King. _McDonalds_." Paul corrected.

We stepped inside the comfortably small house. I could tell that nothing had been changed around since I last visited. Gran's needlework pictures were still on the walls, along with various pictures of her nieces and nephews. Quil, Embry, and I were on that wall, a point that Paul never let us forget, whenever he got unnecessarily wicked.

He always said that his Gran, loved us more than him, specifically me, but I knew that wasn't true. Paul was more closed off than me, so he often came off cold, to everyone but Rachel. He was a tamer, kinder, vomit-inducing version of himself when around her.

"That cherry tree you helped me plant when you were little is still holding up." Gran announced proudly. "I have to chase the birds away with a broom, but it's still hanging in there." She cackled. "Sit down honey. Paul clean all your hunting shit off the table."

Paul groaned loudly as he removed his bookbag and camouflage gear. "Wanna go hunting later Jake? You can be the deer. I'll give you a head start."

"Fucking psycho." I mumbled to him.

"Gran, Jake's gay." Paul teased.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "What are you doing?"

"Just playing with her. She'll forget it all anyways."

I swatted him with the back of my hand.

"He didn't tell you that he broke up with Leah so he could go _Lance Bass_ some dude, which means, fuck him up the ass."

"What the fu..." I started and then I remembered that I was in the presence of his Gran.

Paul chuckled.

Gran placed a plate full of food in front of me. "Eat up sweetheart." She pointed at Paul, "And you wonder why the young ladies aren't knocking down the door to be with you."

I shoved some bacon into my mouth even though I was already full. Paul mumbled a few explicatives as he made his way out of the kitchen. Gran sat down across from me. "So how are you honey?"

"I'm okay,"

"And your mom? How is she?"

My eyebrows knitted together. I used to try explaining to Gran that my mom was dead. She died in a car accident, but no matter how many times I went over the painful, bloody story in my head, it never got any easier. So now I just went with it. "She's good." I answered bleakly.

"She's so proud of you Jake," Gran reached forward and touched my hand. "And she has every reason to be because she's raised such a fine young man. Tell her to come over." Gran smiled, "And you can even bring that rude girl Leah."

***

I opened Paul's door without knocking. He was sitting on his bed with a car magazine spread across his lap. "I'm leaving." There was no use in arguing with him about what he pulled in the kitchen.

"_Bye_," Paul said without bothering to look up.

"Bye," I dismissed.

"Hey Black," Paul spoke up.

"What?"

"Stop by the Clearwater's before you go back to College Park."

"I was planning on it." I closed the door behind me. I ran down the stairs two at a time. On my way out I found Gran sitting in her rocking chair outside. "It's a little too cold to be out here." I said placing my hands on her shoulders.

"Not that cold." She looked up at me and smiled, "Are you leaving me already."

"I am,"

"Well give me a hug and come back soon you hear."

"I will," I hugged her tightly and made my way back to my house. The wind lashed at my cheeks and seeped into my clothes. I didn't want to go back home yet, and it was too early to go to the Clearwater's so I hopped on my motorcycle and went for a two-hour drive.

I had no clear path, just a restless mind, and the need to get away from everything that usually brought me comfort. I had driven in circles long enough to come up to the point where Howard County turned into Baltimore County. My parents were buried somewhere right around here.

I hadn't planned on visiting their gravesite, but here I was only miles away. The graveyard was as peaceful as graveyards could get. A pond was in the middle, and vibrant flowers created a stunning garden at the top of the hill. I parked my bike, and with a sense of foreboding emotion, I made my way through the damp grass, through the endless sea of gravestones.

No one else was here but me. Just the deceased and me. _Lovely_.

I took a deep breath and finally stopped in front of their graves. I crossed my arms and stood there in a reflective trance. I felt responsible for everything. I was the man of the house, so I felt like it was up to me to keep Rachel and Rebecca safe from everything, but I was failing, and that got under my skin. My face twisted with difficulty.

My eyes watered just a little as I read the words on my mom's gravestone. I could hear her laughter in my ears, see her waiting for me in the kitchen when I came home, and feel the warmth she used to flood my soul with. My lips twitched. I fought the urge to let it tremble any further.

I didn't want to cry, but the bridge was crumbling underneath me, and I was falling into the black abyss of nothingness. I wrapped my arms tightly around my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for it to pass. My heart ached terribly, but I did my best to patch it up as I always did, with cheap glue and tape.

"Jake?"

I composed myself in the speed of lightning.

Leah stopped beside me. "Hey,"

"Hey," I said.

She placed down some flowers on my parent's graves. "Did you want some time alone?"

"No, I was just leaving." I rubbed my hands together and blew into them to keep warm.

"No you weren't. Don't let me chase you away." Leah rubbed my shoulder and then set off towards her father's grave.

"Leah, wait."

She whirled around, her dark hair floated wildly in the wind.

"I really am done. I can only stay here for so long before everything starts getting morbid." I cracked a half smile.

"Stop," she warned.

"Stop what?"

"Being fake."

"I'm not being _fake_."

"You are," she insisted. "You never come to the graveyard Jacob. _Never_. So obviously you feel lost and you came here to get guidance."

"From stones?" I teased with a smile that never reached my soul.

Leah frowned, "I'm going to go and see my dad." With that she left me. Pink, yellow, and white flowers were in her hands. I thought about leaving her, but I had nowhere else to go. Nowhere but back to College Park.

Leah placed down the flowers and stepped back with her hands to her heart. "I miss you so much dad."

I stayed behind her. We stood in silence. Leah didn't move or even turn around to acknowledge me. Finally after what seemed like forever she turned around, her eyes was watery and red. "I'm probably going to be here for a while Jake. You should go."

"No," I managed. "I'll stay."

"Okay," she nodded and took a seat on the cold concrete by Harry Clearwater's grave. "Just don't laugh at me okay, or I might be forced to punch you."

"I'm not going to laugh at you." I said softly. I settled onto the concrete beside Leah. "Hey, whatever is bothering you...whatever it is, you know you can talk to me right."

"That's what you want Jake. More problems loaded on you, so you can forget your own." Leah laughed and wiped at the corner of her eye, "That would be completely irresponsible of me."

"Fuck being responsible. We're reckless."

Leah smiled, "Obviously, two college students sitting in a graveyard on the weekend. Totally _reckless_."

"Rebecca came home. She says she is staying for a while." I said.

"Oh," Leah chuckled, "Funny story. Rebecca came to _my_ house first. She was so wasted that she thought my house was yours. Seth and I had to get her out before Sue woke up."

"Oh god," I shook my head. "My house is a whole lot of crazy right now."

"Mine too. Seth came home all bloody and bruised the other night."

"_What_?" I asked alarmed.

"He got in a fight." Leah continued, "Some people were talking about Sue and calling her crazy."

I swallowed, "What the fuck is going on with Seth?"

"He's probably just pulling a Rebecca and _rebelling_ all over the place."

"Rebecca _never_ came home bloody and bruised." I pointed out. "Is he home?"

"Yes," Leah stated with defiance. "I locked his juvenile ass up in the basement."

"You didn't."

"Yes I did," Leah said with a flourish. "Someone's got to punish him."

"But you can't punish him." I said biting my lip, "That has to be your mom's job, we should reach out to him and see what the fuck is going on."

"I tried talking to him Jake."

"Actually I'm pretty sure you tried _yelling_ at him, Leah."

"Whatever, he won't listen. It's like the second we went away to college, my mom got crazier, and Seth decided to turn into a complete stranger." Leah's lips were pursed in anger. "I'm not Seth's parent, but I am his sister, and at the rate he's going..." Leah's voice trailed off, "I just don't know what's wrong with him."

"Probably the same thing as us," I wanted to bring my body closer to hers, but I couldn't. Right now it would be easy for us to get back together. There wasn't a shortage of love between us. She made me feel loved, and happy, and I knew could be with her forever, I could see that.

Intense arguments. Intense sex. Underlying understanding.

I could see it, but as the days passed my heart felt like it was splitting in two. I was stuck in between everything I thought I knew about myself, and the gray area that Edward Cullen fell into. I couldn't be with Leah right now, without questioning why my friendship with him sent me so on edge.

"I think we're all a little lost." I admitted as I toyed around with my hands. "But we'll figure it all out, and when I say we, I mean Seth too."

Leah nodded absently. "So what do you say we get out of here?"

"I say hell to the yeah." I volunteered trying to lighten the mood. I pushed myself upwards and held out my hand for Leah. She smacked my hand away. "Why don't we go back to your house and see what's going on with Seth?"

"We can."

"Okay let's go."

"Hey," Leah reached for my hand.

Shivers traveled from the tips of my fingers all the way through my body. I bit the inside of my cheek and stared back at her. "What's up?"

Leah turned her hand over and stroked my cheek tenderly. "There will never be an appropriate time to say this, or a moment when I'm not kicking myself for being so available, but I _still_ love you Jake."

"I love you too Leah,"

_That was the truth_.

"But I think we still need some more time apart." Leah said quietly. "Just to figure out everything."

"I agree."

Leah blinked, "But just be responsible okay. Don't start making out with every slut in College Park because that'll hurt."

"I think you need to repeat that disclaimer for yourself." I smiled slightly.

Leah looked down and grinned, "That was a one time thing and that guy wasn't even cute. His breath smelled like beef jerky and he was severely cockeyed."

"So you were just trying to make me jealous?" I accused.

"And so what." Leah placed her hands on her hips. "Even the toughest girls need to feel loved."

We walked together towards our rides. I turned to look at my parent's graves one last time. I didn't even say goodbye, and I had no idea when I would be back. Leah pulled me into a hug and held me to her tightly.

"Thanks for talking Jake,"

***

By the time I pulled up to Leah's driveway the sky had darkened, and the threat of rain hung ominously in the air. Leah was still trailing behind me somewhere. The _popo_ were out handing out speeding tickets left and right, desperately trying to make their quota. The threat of a ticket didn't hinder me. I had a collection of them already.

I knocked on the door. I waited for a few moments before Sue Clearwater answered. She looked surprisingly good. Sue was wearing jeans and a wine colored sweater. Her hair was dyed a lighter chestnut color, and it was cut at a bob right above her shoulders.

"_Jacob_," her greeting wasn't sincere. But at least she was greeting me.

Sue probably still blamed me for getting her fiancé locked up. I could live with that though.

"Jacob I haven't seen you in a while."

"Been really busy with school." My eyes shifted towards the basement. "How are you Mrs. Clearwater?"

"I'm okay," she nodded. "I've just been busy all day cleaning up and getting this house in order." She swiped her hair from her eyes.

Sue really did seem to be better. "Is Seth home?" I asked.

Sue flinched, "Why?"

"Because I haven't seen him in a while."

She raised her chin, "He's in the basement cleaning up. I would prefer if you didn't disrupt him. He needs to learn a lesson."

"No offense or anything Mrs. Clearwater, but I came back home mostly for Seth. He's been getting in trouble a lot lately, and I want to see what's going on."

"_No offense or anything Jacob_." Mrs. Clearwater repeated, "But Seth is _my_ son and I can do what's in his best interest on my own."

Leah stepped in behind me. "Uggh I got a fucking speeding ticket!" She hissed. "Stupid ass cops."

"Leah, did you invite Jacob over?" Sue asked. Her tone was icy but yet misleadingly sweet.

"I did." Leah placed her hand on my back. "He is like God to Seth. If anyone can get through to that boy it's him."

"No it's not Jacob, it's _Harry_." Sue argued.

"Just ignore her," Leah pressed on. She unlocked the basement door. "I'll let you talk to him alone Jake, he hates me right now."

"Sure," Was all I could say as I descended down the stairs. It was just settling in that being back home felt like an alternate reality. Everything was so different and I still needed time to get used to the changes, especially _Seth_.

I saw him sitting on the floor and rifling through clothes. Two boxes were on either side of him. Goodwill and Keep. "What's going on Chatterbox?"

Seth whirled around. With everything that he'd been up to I would've expected him to look older, and wiser, but Seth still looked like a fifteen year old kid. Gangly and awkward, wide-eyed, and innocent. But his youthful face was unmistakably marked with dark purple bruises and his eye was swollen shut.

I stopped in my tracks. I wasn't sure what to feel staring back at him like this. Pain, because he really was like a little brother to me. Anger, because I wanted to _kill_ the person that did this to him, and sadness because I wasn't there to protect him.

"Jacob!" He ran over to me and was about to throw his arms around me for a hug but he stopped short. "Hey." He extended his hand.

I scowled. "Come here kid." I hugged him tightly. "You think you're too cool for hugs now?"

"No I don't think I am." Seth laughed sheepishly. "But you're in college now, _you_ might be too cool for them." He looked down. His long raven hair fell in his face. "So what's up Jay?"

"Nothing much. Want to take a break from all this cleaning?" I tilted my head towards the Xbox downstairs, "Do you want to play a little Halo 3?"

Seth bit his lip, "Can't. Leah said she'd break my fingers if she caught me playing it."

"Leah's bark is worse than her bite, we both know that. Come on." I settled into the sofa in front of the television. Seth sat down awkwardly beside me. "I haven't played in a while so if I'm a little rusty be easy on me."

"So um you're not mad at me?" Seth asked rubbing nervously behind his neck.

"Mad at you?" I placed down the controller, "Why would I be mad at you."

"Because," Seth looked down, "This?" he pointed to his face.

"I was waiting for you." I said calmly. "I'm not going to start yelling at you like Leah and your mom because it makes you angry when they yell right?"

Seth nodded. "Mom's been doing really good lately."

"She looks better." I offered.

"Some idiots were trying to get a rise out of me at lunch. They started calling her crazy, and they wouldn't stop, so I lost it." Seth balled his fists. "They don't even know her Jake."

"Of course they don't know her." I clenched my jaw, "But Seth you can't handle all your problems with your fists."

"_You do_," Seth pointed out.

My cheeks warmed. "Seth, the difference between you and me is that when I get in a fight, I win. Also I'm not stupid enough to do it on school grounds." My comment obviously hurt him because he looked down. "Those kids can talk all the shit they want, but unless they touch you, don't fight 'em,"

"Why do you expect me to follow rules that even you wouldn't follow?" Seth questioned.

"The same reason why you fucked those kids up for talking about your mom. When it comes to family even the sweetest of angels morph into Tony Soprano."

Seth grinned softly. "So how long are you going to be home? We have a lot of stuff to catch up on? What's up with you and Leah? Are you guys done. Are the girls on your floor hot?"

Leah started walking down the stairs. Each step was slow and patient like a witch ready to spring an attack. "All the girls on his floor are ugly mouth breathers with STD's."

"Except Bella and Alice." I spoke up.

"Uggh," Leah frowned, "Including _Bella_. I swear that bitch looks at me like she's got an attitude all the time."

I rolled my eyes, "You're just a hater Leah. Go back upstairs. We're having boy time."

"Go back upstairs and do what?" Leah complained. "Cook? _Please_," she jumped over the chair and forced her way in between Seth and I. "I see he's talking to you Jake. So who did this to you Seth?" Leah asked balling her fists together. "I haven't kicked ass in a while and I've just been itching for a reason to serve up a quality knuckle sandwich."

I massaged my forehead. A headache was coming on. "Somehow Leah Warrior Princess, I doubt that you showing up to Seth's school in boxing gloves will do him any justice, all it will do, is warrant some handcuffs to be slapped on your wrists by the nearest officer."

Leah stared at me for a few seconds and then nodded, "Possibly, but you know I can run fast. I could karate chop one of those bad ass kids on the head, and then take off running like I stole something."

"I can take care of myself." Seth assured. "Now, who's ready for a little Halo?"

A thought crossed my mind, a thought that had been nagging me all day. Finally it surfaced. "You know what our problem is."

Leah looked back at me surprised. "What?"

"You guys are taking care of your mom. I'm looking after my sisters, and Paul is looking after his Gran. We're all freakish forty years olds trapped in teenager bodies, no wonder we're getting in fights, feeling lost, and running away from everything."

Seth and Leah exchanged glances, and then Seth's facial expression registered understanding as if I had just said something profound.

"We are old, aren't we?" Leah said finally.

"Yeah, we hang out in graveyards." I pointed out.

Leah managed a smile and then rolled her eyes. "Well then what can we do to start being eighteen year olds again...and a _fifteen _year old."

"How about we figure it out after I go pick us up some pizza?" I suggested.

Seth's eyes widened. "Pizza. Yes please. Leah's food tastes like prison slop. _Please_."

Leah swiftly smacked him upside the head.

"I'll be right back okay." I ran up the stairs and into the kitchen. Sue was washing the dishes. "I'm going to go and pick us up a pizza Mrs. Clearwater. Did you need anything?"

She didn't respond to me so I just left.

***

I went straight to my room. It was unusual for me to go a whole day without having my phone with me. I searched through my top drawer for my phone, and when I found it I powered it on. I had no new calls but I did have a text message.

As if on cue my cell vibrated in my hand. It was Bella. What did she want? Was Edward okay? "Hello,"

"Hey Jake. What's going on?"

"Umm nothing." Bella and I didn't really talk unless Edward was with us, so I wasn't sure what to say.

"Did you get the text I sent you."

"No, I haven't had my phone on me all day."

"Oh,"

There was a pause.

"Why? Is everything okay?" I questioned.

"Yeah everything's fine. It's just Edward's birthday today."

"_What?_"

"Your roommate. Today is his birthday."

I felt my stomach drop. How could it be Edward's birthday and I didn't know? Did he tell me and I just forgot? No. I remembered everything he told me. It was impossible to ignore him.

"We're down in Baltimore. Rosalie and Emmett drove us down here to take him and Alice to dinner."

_Emmett_.

Bella wouldn't lie about this. Shit. Fuck. Damn everything to hell. "Bella I got to go."

Before she could say anything else I hung up on her. I rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off, throwing my school books into my school bag, grabbing the clothes I brought home to wash, and actively thinking about what I could say to Edward about being MIA for a week.

"Fuck," I grumbled to myself.

I ran down the stairs.

"Hey are you leaving?" Rachel asked appearing at the bottom step.

"Yeah, I just found out that it's my roommate's birthday."

"Edward?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, I only have one roommate Rach. I don't think he told me that _today_ was his birthday."

"I'm sure he'll forgive you." Rachel offered kindly.

"I'm sure he will, but that doesn't mean I want to miss his birthday. He's my friend."

Rachel reached for my arm, "Okay you won't miss it. College Park is only a thirty minute drive away from here." Her eyebrows furrowed. "Jake are you okay? You look..._frenzied_."

"I'm not." I swallowed worriedly. How I was acting was as if Edward's birthday was fucking Christmas. I had to take it down a few notches. It was just that I already felt guilty for stepping out on him for a week, and now this. "He's been a really good friend to me."

Rachel nodded in understanding. "Well how does a cake sound? We could whip up something together. I'll mix, you can stir?"

I allowed the surprise of today being Edward's birthday to settle in the pit of my stomach. There was still time. Besides, Bella said that they were in Baltimore, so if I left now, I would probably get back before Edward.

***

Rachel allowed me drive her car back to campus, because of all the shit I had to bring back. I trudged up the stairs with a suitcase full of clean clothes slung on one arm, and Edward's cake in my hands. I felt oddly anxious. This was his birthday and I was _late_. I pushed open the door and stepped into the blackness. I allowed my bag to fall to the floor.

At least he wasn't here yet.

I flipped on the light switch, and I was surprised to see that he _was_ here.

My heart lurched. I missed him more than I cared to realize. Edward was curled up on his bed sleeping peacefully. Balloons and gifts were everywhere. I noticed one huge bag marked From Rosalie to Edward. People he barely knew probably gave him better gifts than me.

At that moment I realized that I had forgotten about Leah and Seth.

I placed down the cake and pressed my hands to my forehead. _Shit._ Today just wasn't my day. I watched Edward stir. He looked like an angel when he slept. In the privacy of my thoughts I allowed my mind to roam freely.

Right here in College Park, with Edward, I felt like I was eighteen. I felt like my biggest concern was passing my freshman year, keeping my athletic scholarship, and sorting out my friendship with him. A week ago, those problems had felt pretty monumental, but now compared to the _forty year old_ angst of dead parents, and responsibility, I realized that I would take this any day. I would have to apologize to Leah and Seth afterwards, but now I had to make atonement to Edward for this last week.

I took a box of candles from my book bag and placed eighteen on the chocolate frosted cake. I knew Edward liked chocolate because I remembered him telling me that. I lit each candle and then turned off the lights. I had to wake him up so I opened the door and then slammed it shut.

Edward jumped up, "Who's there!"

I snickered and walked over to him with the cake in my hands. "So the award for the worst friend ever goes to, yours truly."

"Jake?" He sat up.

The excitement in his voice was undeniable.

"Happy eighteenth birthday Edward Cullen." I sat down on his bed with the cake in my hands.

"You brought me a cake?"

"No I baked you one. So hopefully there aren't any eggshells in there. My sister Rachel helped me though." I held my breath as I waited for his reaction. "You never told me today was your birthday, Bella had to." I jumped up and went to turn on the light switch. I got Edward a plate and a fork and knife.

He blew out the candles before I could ask him too.

"Thanks Jake,"

"Sure," I said. His eyes were a brilliant shade of green. God. _He was beautiful_. "So how was your birthday?" I asked as I sliced the cake. I placed a slice in front of him. "Try it."

"My birthday was...it's better now." His voice was unusually shaky. "Where were you?"

"I was home. I had a lot going on. I'm sorry." I apologized.

Edward gave me his favorite crooked smile, "What are you apologizing to me for? I'm just your roommate. I'm not your keeper."

"Yeah you are. Rehab remember?"

Edward's eyes crinkled around the edges as his cherry colored lips formed a breathtaking smile that could only be comparable to the sunrise. He severed a piece of the vanilla cake frosted with chocolate and took a bite.

"How is it?" I asked.

"Good," Edward whispered. He severed off another piece of the cake and held it out towards my mouth. "Try the eggshells."

My mouth dropped. "Fuck, I tried to be really careful too!"

"No," Edward tilted his head to the side, "I'm just kidding. There's no eggshells. Just perfection, velvety, smooth perfection."

I opened my mouth and he fed me the chocolate cake.

"Orgasmic right?" Edward asked.

"What do you know about orgasms." It slipped. I finished swallowing down the rest of the cake. The heater was on causing strands of Edward's bronze hair to dance around his perfect face. "I mean..."

"_Shh_," he said. Edward moved the cake from in between us. He clenched his jaw and then looked down. "Were you gone because of me. I was going to wait to ask you, but it's kind of been on my mind all week."

I struggled to find the right words to answer his question.

"Because I don't want to ever make you feel uncomfortable or..." Edward's eyebrows knitted together, "This is your dorm too. And what happened on Halloween." His cheeks blushed. "Whatever happened on Halloween...I take full responsibility for it, and I'm sorry."

My body was telling me to reach out and hold him in my arms. Take it one step at a time, just try not to think about it too much, but I couldn't. My heart was slowing, and the world was crashing down all around us.

And realization was completely unavoidable at this point. I was in love with Edward Cullen. I wasn't sure how or why but he made me ache like a drug addict, miss his presence when he was gone, and consider changing my life drastically just to be with him.

God I was in love with him, and I didn't know what to do with that love.

**Review Loves**!


	9. Silence

**AN**: All I have to say is that you guys seriously blew me away with the feedback for last chapter. I was completely moved by your support, and I have to give a HUGE thank you to everyone that took the time to once again show me and this story some love! And **shyn61 **thank you so much for your review in French. So guys I have to admit that this chapter was a complicated one for me to write because of the subject matter. This chapter is a little more serious than the others, and I'm actually going to split it into two chapters. All I'm going to say is that this chapter and the next focus heavily on Edward 'coming out' and the effects of that...especially on Alice. These two chapters will be told from E**dward first person, and Alice third perso****n**. I will also warn that the flashbacks do contain 'hate' and other situations in need of disclaimers. On the positive side, this is a Jake/Edward shipper chapter, no quadrangles here. LOL. **Little-monstr**- Jake is still very much in love with Leah. Once again guys thanks again for really stepping up, and brightening my day with your reviews. –Love, Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing.

Chapter 9- Silence

--Edward--

_Immense pain coursed throughout my body. I couldn't bring myself to cry even though I felt on the verge of breaking down any second. I had to be strong for Alice. I had to hold it together for her. I protectively draped an arm around her shoulder, and held her closer to me. My hands were shaking and my legs were threatening to give way beneath me. The church was crowded with students, teachers, and members of Dylan Keller's family. Tears were flowing freely like rain, and I knew that these people were wondering the same thing as Alice. Was there anything that could've been done to save his life?_

_ Even I wondered if I could've saved him, despite the fact that we never talked. All I knew was that a fourteen-year-old boy had taken his life, because his family and closest friend turned their backs on him when he told them he was gay. I couldn't imagine how empty and alone he had to feel in his last days without a support system. A stray tear slid down the bridge of my nose and onto my top lip. Alice was the last person Dylan had talked to before he took his life, which was why this was so much harder for her. I wanted to make this better for her, I desperately wished that I could erase her memory and make her forget the tragedy of this fourteen-year-old boy, but I couldn't make her forget. So all I could do was hold her as she cried in my arms. _

***

I woke up in a cold sweat. I sat up and pulled back the covers. Dusk was slowly taking over the day, painting the sky with the most glorious shades of dark blue and magenta. I placed my hands to my forehead in a confused stupor. How long had I been sleeping? All I could remember was coming back from my class at ten am. and then passing out. I twisted my torso to check the time on Jacob's Budweiser clock. It was _six_. "Fuck,"

I was drenched. I pulled off my tee shirt and tossed it into the hamper along with the jeans I was wearing. My mind was in overdrive. I had ten million things going on at once, and I just needed _everything_ to slow down. I trudged towards my closet and grabbed my shower gel. Tomorrow was the day. I assumed that Alice was going to take a silence vow, and if she asked me to join in, then I was going to have to say yes.

My stomach twisted at the thought of going another day without telling her. Alice was my twin sister and she deserved to know that I was _gay_. I bit the inside of my cheek. The hardest thing probably wasn't going to be the actual confession, but instead explaining why I had waited so long. I suddenly felt nauseous. If only I knew with complete certainty that my prolonged confession wouldn't hurt her, then I would've told her before Bella.

I could see it now. The darkness in her eyes, and the tears of realization, because I hadn't trusted her enough to come clean a long time ago. She would argue that it was supposed to be _us_ against the world. We were supposed to depend on each other no matter what. The promise was unspoken. A vow to always be there. I squeezed my eyes shut. Guilt would eat me alive if I let it.

The door opened and _he_ stepped in. Jacob was dressed in his football gear and looking fucking sexy as hell. The clothes he wore to practice were tight in all the right places, meaning his crotch and ass. He offered me a smile that didn't feel completely sincere. I could see that he was stressed, and his mind was also in desperate need of a vacation. I didn't know what was bothering him, but whatever it was, it had been on his mind for a few days now. I had asked him more times than I could remember if he was okay, but Jacob just answered with a vague _yeah_.

I watched as Jacob pulled off his pants. His movements were slow and labored. With each movement of his strong arms, the firm muscles in his back tightened. If I could get away with it, I would suggest giving him a massage so I could alleviate some of the tension he was feeling. "Did you want to go to the diner with me?" I asked. I fully expected him to turn down my offer with a robotic, "No thanks," He had been denying me for a week now.

The funny thing was that even though Jacob was here way more than last week, I felt like I was _always_ alone in the dorm. He was quiet this week, and keeping his random _Jacob outbursts_ to a minimum. He was definitely holding back, and I missed him, but obviously in a different way. I missed when he made up random raps about my hair gel, or my Converse's, or the way that sometimes my Southern accent flared up even though I desperately tried to hide it.

The silence was deafening as I waited for him to respond to my invitation. More than anything I just wanted to run across the room, tackle him to the floor, and wrap him up in my arms. I wanted him to let me in, so I could do what I was here for, fill his world with as much happiness as my _Emo ass_ could provide. Maybe I was being _Alice optimistic_, and seeing the world through Technicolor lenses, but I really felt like Jacob and I could get through anything together. His sultry eyes wandered over my face. I noticed a familiar burning behind his beautiful brown eyes. He was returning to me.

"Are you okay Edward?"

I wasn't expecting him to ask that. My heart lurched and I suddenly felt as if I had woken up a little as well. I wasn't sure how my facial expression was betraying me, but I could never be stoic with him. Jacob always evoked the puppy dog that had been kicked around too many times _sulk_. Or at least that's what Bella called it.

But I couldn't help it dammit. When he hurt so did I. I didn't know how to turn off the wiring that prevented me from being so physically and emotionally drained by him. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls as I tried to search for the right, least pathetic way, to answer his question.

Jacob took a step closer to me. His eyebrows furrowed in deep concern. It was times like these when I wished that I had as much botox in my face as _Joan Rivers_. Jacob would never know what I was thinking then. He reached out his hand as if he wanted to touch me, but some invisible force field made him stop. I wanted to tell him to touch me, maybe that's what I needed to push past the guilt, and the galaxy Jacob and I had built between ourselves within the last two weeks

. "I haven't been a good friend to you." Jacob stated with difficulty.

"We both haven't." I managed. I was trying to save face like a fool.

Jacob closed his eyes and shook his head. "I just have some _stuff_ going on."

I swallowed down the imaginary cotton balls. Where was an ice-cold water bottle when you needed one. I considered making a quick dive for the mini-fridge, but I decided against it, because I had him here in front of me. The closest we had been in days. "What kinda stuff."

Jacob narrowed his eyes at me and he grinned a little. "Are you nervous Edward? One thing I noticed about you is that you always get more _Kentucky_ fried when your nervous."

"I'm not nervous." My cheeks flushed furiously. "You're trying to dodge my question with the skill of champion dodgeball player. What are you going through?" I was gaining back some of my confidence.

"Nothing important." He said quickly. Jacob looked down and took in a deep breath. He looked at me once more. His eyes stared deep into mine and then he quickly looked away as if looking into my eyes would turn him into stone. "I know I haven't been here..." He paused, his eyes zeroing in on my chest unintentionally. "Well I've been here, but you know I've been mute and all twisted this week. I'm sorry that I've been such a spaz since your birthday. There are just some things that I'm dealing with that I can't even begin to explain."

"Try me," I managed. I offered a small grin. "I'll even pretend to listen by adding in a few well placed grunts and oh _yeahs_."

"_Try you_?" Jacob managed a weak chuckle. "Why don't you try me? You're the one that looks irrevocably distraught like a cute little puppy with no bone." Jacob's face reddened a little.

"I'm fine." I lied. "_Peachy keen_."

Jacob pulled off his shirt. "Your _peachy keen_ response tells me that you're not." The sheen of sweat on his chest glistened like diamonds. I wanted to lick the sweat right off of his abs. "I'm here for you too ya know my favorite hillbilly."

I shoved my hands in my pockets. "Savannah isn't that country Jake."

Jacob was approaching me again. His lips were fixed in a wide grin, showing off his perfect white teeth. "I'm just trying to loosen you up Edward. Gain some common ground back for us."

"I really am okay. I guess I just..." I scratched my head. "You effect me Jake." My cheeks warmed at that confession. "I thought something was wrong with you and I didn't know how to find out what it was." I bit my lip. "That's what happens when I start caring about people. I get crazy."

"Well I'm better, and I don't want to make you crazy." Jacob placed his hands on my arms and then pulled me into a hug. "I need you too much."

This closeness felt good. It was just a tease, and of course made me yearn for more, but I would take what I could get. The hardest thing in the world was to realize once again just how fallible I was. As he held me, and I felt his warmness against my coldness, I contemplated how flawed we both were.

We were proud, almost as much as we were damaged. It was a curse this game we played. Both of us had severe issues when it came to admitting our insecurities, and we dealt with those issues by trying to make everyone else feel better. I knew he was lying about being alright. Whatever was bothering him _wasn't_ school. There was still a lingering sadness in his eyes, that I had first noticed when he gave me the birthday cake

I reached out and wrapped my arms around his strong frame. Holding him tightly to me, even if this embrace would only last for a few more seconds. My feelings for him were most likely unrequited, but I needed this. I needed to feel safe because I felt vulnerable and _fucked_. Tomorrow, I wasn't sure how I was going to get through the day. But at least I had a reasonable excuse to sort through my thoughts, _silently_.

"I was getting tired of eating stale PB & J anyways. Yeah, I'll go to the diner with you." He whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes, "Stale tacos from the diner are _so_ much better than stale PB & J anyways."

We chuckled together. This time his smile reached his eyes. "I'll be here when you get back." Jacob released me from his arms. His sweat was visibly on me now.

"Okay," I said quietly, already missing his embrace..

***

Ten minutes later Jacob and I sat across from each other at the diner. We sat all the way in the back secluded from the other students. As I poked at some greasy fries on my tray I wondered how I could get him to open up. "So did you see Seth last week?"

Jacob's facial expression hardened all of a sudden. " Yeah, I saw him, but he probably hates me now."

Judging by his reaction it was safe to assume that he didn't want to talk about Seth with me. His tone was unusually final. Okay, I wouldn't talk about Seth anymore tonight, because he was obviously a sensitive subject.

Jacob dipped a roll into some gravy and then stuffed it into his mouth. " Good news, I kicked Paul's bitch ass for you."

I smiled crookedly. "Did you warn him to expect me an ass kicking from me later?"

"Oh yeah I told him that you were coming back for seconds."

We laughed together for a few moments. Our eyes never leaving the others. I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to tell him everything, right here, and right now, so I could know if we ever stood a chance.

I swallowed as I struggled to find the right words. Jacob incited poetry in me. He made me want to write X rated songs about all the bad things I wanted to do to him, and the sappiest, most romantic ballads at the same time. I still couldn't believe how much pull Jacob had on me. "I can't really hide myself from you, no matter how much I want too." My eyebrows knitted together. "You know me better than you should after just two months of living together."

Jacob looked down. "And fuck if you don't know me too Cullen."

I pressed on eager to get out everything I could before I lost my nerve. "Honestly the best part of my birthday was when you showed up at 11:59 with a birthday cake. No one would do that for me, no one except for _Alice_." I placed my hand flat on the table beside his. "I'm a pessimist so I worry about things. All this week I was honestly worried about you."

Jacob clenched his jaw, "Edward do you think that you're the only person I shut out?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly.

Jacob shook his head. "I've never been the type of guy to share feelings. Even this..." He motioned between us, "This would've been too much sharing for me in the past."

I nodded slowly and pulled my hand back. So much for trying.

"But normal rules don't apply to you." Jacob managed a half smile. "The only other person I've ever really been able to talk to is Leah. But even she has to threaten me with a Tila Tequila CD to get me to open up. But with you it's a little more easier."

I smiled gently. "And I feel the same way, which is why I'm telling you how much you mean to me. Because I want you to _hear_ me."

Jacob's eyes flitted to mine. "I hear you,"

I stared intensely at him for a few moments trying to silently convey the depth of my feelings for him. I was right on the brink of telling him the truth, but I knew at the bottom of my heart that now wasn't the right time. We just really started talking again and I didn't want to mess this up. "I think we're more alike than we both realize sometimes. With the distance and the _peachy keen_ lies."

"Edward Cullen and Jacob Black rebuilding the wall of China one brick at a time." Jacob teased.

I pushed the tray of food away from me and laughed easily.

Jacob pushed the tray back towards me. "_Eat_."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat." Jacob's cheeks flushed. "Personal issues have distracted me from my job."

"Which is?"

"To take care of you." He looked down. "You're so busy trying to take care of everyone and _me_ that you ignore yourself."

"What can I say? I get consumed and not always in the best way." I forced myself to take another bite of the insipid pizza. I reached for my glass of water and quickly chased down the cardboard aftertaste. "Can we call a truce Jake?"

"Maybe depending on what the truce is."

I stared down at the table with difficulty. "I'm not sure what's on your mind but I know it's not _school _entirely." Jacob opened his mouth to speak but I raised my hand, "Tomorrow I'm most likely going to be taking a vow of silence for my sister's charity and honestly I've been thinking a lot about that, which is why I seem so perplexed."

"Alice has a charity?" Jacob asked curiously sitting up.

"Yes. But what I'm trying to say is that I'm not the most open person. I like to deal with things on my own, but I want to let you in, because we're friends, and friends shouldn't go two weeks without saying anything relevant to each other." I took in a mouthful of air, "I may not be so open when it comes to expressing my emotions, but I'd _never_ hurt you. I don't care what I'm doing, believe me Jake I would drop everything for you. So whenever you're ready to tell me what's going on, just know that I'll be waiting."

**Alice's POV**

---

"Is this seat taken?"

Alice looked up from the note cards she was reading over. A smile crossed her face at the sight of Jasper Whitlock. He was wearing a dark blue sweater with black stripes, jeans, and his blonde hair was adorably unkempt. A rush of electricity traveled through her bones. "Yes that seat is taken."

"Oh," Jasper responded his face falling a little. "Well I'll um...find another seat."

"It's taken by my _bookbag_. Why don't you put that on the floor."

Jasper smiled in his usual shy fashion. He placed down his tray of food, and grabbed another empty seat to rest Alice's bookbag in. "You seemed to be very concentrated on your studying so I wasn't sure if I should distract you."

"Oh I'm not studying, and even if I was you would be worth the distraction." Alice said biting her lip. "I was just looking over what I'm going to say. I have a speech to give tonight." Alice watched as Jasper bit into his cheeseburger, a piece of lettuce dangled haphazardly from his mouth. Alice grinned. "Is it feeding time at the ranch? The burger isn't going anywhere Jas,"

Jasper blushed. "Sorry. I'm just really hungry."

"No it's okay." Alice slid the napkin dispenser over to him. "Just in case the ketchup and mustard try to make a run for it too."

He wiped at his chin. "So are you read for your speech?"

Alice took in a rattled breath. "I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

"I sense hesitation." Jasper tilted his head to the side. "The best medicine for hesitation is practice. Did you want to run your speech by me?"

Alice tapped her index cards against the table. "You really want to hear it?"

"Why not?" Jasper smiled easily. His eyes lit up, "At least that way you'll be distracted so when food falls out of my mouth, you'll be too busy focusing on your index cards. I'm not the most graceful of eaters." His eyes crinkled around the corners. "So entertain me Alice. _Please._"

Alice looked down and smiled. This was unusual for her to run into Jasper like this because he was never around. She didn't feel like she could just dive into a conversation about silence and tomorrow, without asking him how he was. "How was your day Jasper?"

His eyebrows furrowed and he grinned. "It was great Alice. Are you that nervous about your speech that you have to distract me?"

She wrinkled her nose, "I'm only asking because I don't usually get surprise dinner visits from you. Surprise dinner visits complete with lettuce hanging out of your mouth."

Jasper's cheeks flushed scarlet. "I know. I usually eat dinner alone anyways. Ramen noodles, and jello."

"Sounds like a poor man's meal to me." Alice joked.

"My schedule keeps me pretty busy so I don't have time to have dinner with friends, hang out, or even make friends for that matter." Jasper smiled, "I must be doing a _fantastic_ job of making myself sound as undesirable as possible."

"Well if you're trying to make yourself sound undesirable, then I'm going to need you to try a little harder." Alice mused. She took her attention away from Jasper and looked at her cards once again. "I guess you can't really call this a speech, what I'm doing. It's more of a quiet rally to support a cause."

"I'm all for the cause," Jasper volunteered.

Alice smiled sweetly, "Jasper you don't even know what the cause is."

"Of course I don't because you keep stalling Alice. But I can say with conviction that even when you tell me, I know I'll still be up for it." Jasper spoke with utmost certainty.

Her cheeks warmed, "I can't just dive into conversation about this without giving you the back story? How much time to do you have?"

"Today. _Infinite_."

Alice was seeing a new side of Jasper tonight. He wasn't being guarded or timid, but instead confident. This side of him reminded her of the Jasper she saw on her birthday. "Two years ago I started this club at my high-school called Haven. Basically the club existed to provide an outlet for students to communicate with their peers, without judgment, about anything."

Jasper nodded clearly following her every word.

"A few weeks after starting Haven I met a guy named Dylan Keller. And we only had two sessions together, but in the short time that I got to know him, I felt like we really connected." Alice looked down. Her chestnut hair fell into her eyes. "Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death, which is why I'm raising awareness."

***

_"Hi," Dylan said timidly._

_ Alice looked up from the homework she was diligently trying to finish. In front of her stood a handsome guy with sandy brown hair, bright green eyes, and a nervous smile. Alice quickly closed her notebook and stood up to greet him. "Hi, Alice Cullen nice to meet you."_

_ "Dylan Keller."_

_ Alice nodded still smiling. "Take a seat Dylan."_

_ He looked around shyly. "This is the first time that I've ever been here. I think that Haven is a really good thing for people." He looked down and bit his lip. "Nerves always take over me at the last minute. Sorry, I'm just trying to remember what I was going to say."_

_ "You don't need to be nervous. I'm just another student in this school, so don't worry I'm not going to grade you on your responses. Sit down Dylan. I promise I don't bite" Alice assured._

_ "Peers tend to be the worst. Peers and parents."_

_ "Yeah sometimes," Alice agreed._

_ Dylan wrapped his arms tightly around his body. He looked around at the other people in the room and then back at her. His face was waxen and uninterruptible. "Maybe this was a mistake. This club is a good thing, but it might not be for me."_

_ Alice sat up straighter. "Haven is for everyone Dylan. You wouldn't be here if you didn't think that."_

_ Dylan stared back at her, obviously looking for another reason to leave._

_ "If you're uncomfortable here then we can take a walk." Alice suggested. "Down the street they just opened up this pretzel shop, and it's buy one get one free. I can't eat two, so you can have the other." _

_ Dylan thought it over. _

_ "C'mon, the treats on me."_

_ He nodded slowly, "Okay. But I don't know how comfortable I'm going to be with opening up. This is my first time doing this."_

_ Alice slipped on her jacket. "Which is okay. We can spend an hour talking about Lost or the weather if you want." She didn't give Dylan a chance to say no. "C'mon."_

_ Fifteen minutes later they sat across from each other. Alice was eating a pretzel, while Dylan absently picked at the tiny balls of salt on his._

_ "This is strange." He commented slowly._

_ "Why?"_

_ "Because I'm not used to this." Dylan looked down. "You're only sitting here with me because you have too. It's really sweet what you're doing, but why would you be willing to waste your time with a freak like me."_

_ "First of all you're not a freak." His words stung. "You wanted to leave two minutes after we introduced ourselves. I could've let you go, but I didn't. If you're worried about me telling anyone what we discuss, if we discuss anything at all, then you don't have to talk to me. This group exists to help not hurt."_

_ "What made you start this group?" Dylan asked shakily._

_ "My mom is a teacher, and she's the most dedicated person I know." Alice explained._

_ Dylan nodded allowing it all to sink in. "How many people do you see a day?"_

_ "Um...some days no one comes, so I'm bored to death doing homework for three hours. But on busy days, I'll say about two students, usually it's the same people, because they've already built up a trust with me."_

_ Dylan traced his hand in circles on the table, "Did you know who I was before I came to you today?"_

_ "No I didn't." Alice felt bad for admitting that but she couldn't lie. _

_ "That's refreshing." Dylan cleared his throat and then looked down. "Everyone knows who I am."_

_ Alice folded her arms. "Why do they know who you are Dylan?"_

_ His face twisted with difficulty. "Have you ever been in love with someone?"_

_ Alice nodded with a kind smile. "I have, but love never works for me."_

_ Dylan closed his eyes and chuckled tragically to himself. "Me either. I um...I've been in love with my best-friend ever since we were eight."_

_ Alice placed her hands to her heart. "Aww."_

_ "My best-friend was always the first person I ran to whenever I was scared or happy. I felt complete when we were together." Dylan cast his green eyes at Alice, and she noticed how vacant they looked, almost as if a piece of his soul was missing. "I'm just going to say this all at once, because even now I'm still losing my nerve. My best-friend is a guy." Dylan waited._

_ Alice's eyes softened. "Okay?" she said easily._

_ His cheeks flushed. "You don't care?"_

_ "Umm no?" she leaned forward. "I don't think there is anything wrong with being gay, in fact I think it's the most normal thing in the world. You love who you love, and who am to tell you that you should be with someone else."_

_ Dylan gave her a heartbreakingly beautiful smile. "Thank you."_

_ "No problem." Alice said earnestly. "Who else have you told Dylan?"_

_ "People are so mean." Dylan lost his smile. "Sometimes I just wish that I was a stronger person, because I don't want to be this timid guy that fears getting his ass kicked for being who I am. I just want to be Dylan, like I used to be before I told Tom." _

_ "And Tom is your friend?" Alice clarified._

_ "He was." Dylan clenched his jaw._

_ "What happened between you guys?"_

_ "Well a month ago we were alone in my room playing video games and then I told him that I had something very important to tell him." Dylan's lips thinned. "He was always so supportive and so trusting, that I felt like it would be okay to tell him. So I told him that I was gay, and he seemed okay with it, until I told him that I was in love with him."_

_ Dylan rolled his eyes slowly towards Alice, "Biggest mistake ever. He left me, making up some excuse about needing to change the oil in his car. And the next day I went to go talk to him. He was with his baseball buddies, and he ignored me. I ate lunch in silence, and hoped that he would talk to me, but he never did. The next day I sat by him at lunch again, but this time he did say something to me. He said that faggots weren't allowed at his table."_

_ Alice winced._

_ "I felt betrayed by him because he was my best-friend. Tom was my support system." Dylan racked his shaking hands through his hair, "After that incident I ended up skipping school for a week because I didn't want to come back and see Tom. I just needed to vanish into the ether so when I came back everything would hopefully be back to normal. But it wasn't. All of Tom's friends rallied against me like I was this poisonous person. They drew penises on my locker, and some kid even told me that I was going to get AIDS and burn in hell." Dylan's lips quivered. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I'm telling you this, I said I wouldn't, but I do need someone to talk to."_

_ Alice's stomach twisted in horror. She knew that people could be ignorant and insensitive, but staring into Dylan's eyes and seeing just how much pain he endured because of others, deeply saddened her. She wanted to slug every single person that had tore him down, he was obviously so scared. She just wanted to hug him tightly._

_ Dylan sniffled. "Tom used to be the person I talked to about everything, and I can't tell my parents because they'll kick me out. I'll have nowhere to go. And I really wouldn't know what to do then. "_

_ Alice leaned forward and reached for Dylan's hand._

_ He wiped at his eyes. _

_ "For what it's worth you'll be surprised at how many people are open and accepting. Just because you're gay doesn't shape you as a person, tell me something, tell me anything that you're good at."_

_ Dylan smiled softly as tears still fell down his eyes. "I'm good at singing?"_

_ "And what else?"_

_ "Listening." Dylan added._

_ "And?"_

_ "Err...school I guess?" He squeezed his eyes shut causing a fresh batch of tears to fall. _

_ "See," Alice whispered. "Being gay doesn't define you. It's just a part of who you are, a big part, but still a piece of the puzzle. People are going to talk no matter what. The people that don't know me think that I'm a ditz because I'm always smiling, or if they don't think I'm a ditz, then they think I'm crazy."_

_ Dylan laughed a little._

_ "But that's fine. I let them think what they want, because I know who I am, and that's all that matters. At the end of the day when I go home and I look in the mirror, I shut out all the voices that's telling me what to do, and who to be. Because I am in charge. And I think that your friend Tom was never truly your friend, because if he was, he would be here with you, bawling his eyes out. Just because seeing you in this much pain, should hurt like hell, because it hurts me. And I haven't even known you since I was eight."_

***

"We have two special guests joining us today." Keith introduced. "Guys would you kindly welcome Alice Cullen and Jasper Whitlock to their first LGBT meeting."

The crowd of fifteen students clapped enthusiastically.

Alice looked at Jasper, who was the picture of grace and strength beside her. He had volunteered to help her out with her cause after she had explained it to him. Jasper placed his hand on her back for a fraction of a second, making her realize that she was standing glued in place. His calming presence pushed her forward to the front of the classroom.

"How is everyone doing tonight?" Alice asked.

"_Good_," a few people answered.

"My name is Alice Cullen and this is my first time at an LGBT meeting. Thank you for having me here tonight. Two years ago I started a group called _Haven_ at my high school. My goal was to reach out to teenagers and provide a safe space, like this, for them to talk to their peers about _anything_. I always thought that it was important that we all have a voice. Because so many times we hear stories about people having neighbors, or even family members who were silent, and dealt with pain alone, only to allow that pain to consume them. Which is the greatest tragedy of all to me."

"Just imagine if this group didn't exist, and everyone around you felt so hostile and filled with hate. Haven was the place where you could go to and tell your stories and not have to worry about being judged. Because sometimes all you need is one person, out of a sea of people, to care, and that alone could save one life." Alice cleared her throat and looked down. Jasper's soothing hand was on her back again. God he was being so incredible tonight.

"I met a freshman named Dylan Keller, that I will never _ever_ forget. Dylan was shy, he was a great singer, and he was an amazing person. He had a big heart and he was kind. The first moment I saw Dylan I knew that he was scared. He looked at me like I couldn't be trusted, and he had no reason to trust me, because the people closest to him had already turned their backs."

"Dylan was gay, and he hadn't fully accepted that yet. During our time together I did my best to make him feel like he had a place somewhere. He felt uncomfortable in his skin, and when people joked him, and called him names, it really hurt him. I was Dylan's friend, but I wasn't his best-friend, the guy he fell in love with who betrayed him, or his parents who kicked him out of the house, three days before he took his own life."

Alice swallowed as her eyes grew a little teary. "The last time I saw Dylan was when he showed up at my house, disheveled and with red rimmed eyes. Dylan told me that he was leaving. I asked him to come inside so we could talk, but he declined. So I asked him where was he going? He said that he was going to a happier place." Alice sniffled. "And I didn't know where that happier place was. I told him to wait so I could go inside and grab my jacket, but by the time I came back, he was already gone. Three hours later I found out that Dylan jumped off a high-rise building in Savannah, Georgia."

Alice tucked her hair behind her ears. "I still wonder what else I could've done to save his life, but what he needed, was the one thing I couldn't give him. Dylan just wanted his parents support and closure with the guy he loved." Alice stared around the room full of serious faces. "So in honor of Dylan Keller I started a charity at my school called Haven's Umbrella; which benefits a shelter in Savannah for homeless teenagers that have no where else to go."

"I know that the national day of Silence will be in April of 2010, but I'm asking for anyone to contribute anyway they can. Whether it's by taking a vow of silence in honor of all the people that died because they were so scared to break there silence. Or even just by giving fifty cents. It's hard to imagine someone being fourteen and homeless, or fourteen and wanting to take their life, because they feel like there is no other option. But it happens every single day."

***

**Edward**

---

Bella flopped on the bed beside me. After returning back to the dorm, Jacob claimed that he was going to the library. I still wasn't sure if I believed him. "So what's been going on Edward? I feel like we haven't really talked since your birthday."

"That's the trend around here." I commented. "It's been a rough week, but I think I'm coming back down." I glanced over at Jacob's side of the room. "I almost told him that I was gay."

Bella's eyes widened hopefully, "You did?"

"_Almost_."

"What stopped you?"

"I've been feeling guilty this whole week about not telling Alice the truth, so it would make me feel worse if I told Jake before her. She's my twin, and I know that she would be okay with it. But she won't be okay with me waiting so long to do it."

Bella tilted her head to the side, "Then why didn't you tell her Cullen a long time ago?"

"Because I don't like people worrying about me. Alice lives in this fantasy world most of the time. She's optimistic, and she's good. Alice tries to bring light out of any situation, and I don't know what to do when I see her cry. Bella, it's so much more complicated than just telling her I'm gay."

Bella nodded encouragingly. She crawled underneath my covers.

"Did she tell you about her charity?"

"No," Bella said carefully thinking it over. "She hasn't been around that often either. Leaving me to the mercy of that creep that always shows up at my door wanting to smell my panties."

I smiled slightly. "That guy still comes around? What's his name again."

Bella scoffed and rolled her eyes, "I don't know what his real name is but he always tells me to call him _Pookie_."

"Uggh Pookie?"

"Yeah," Bella grimaced. "I told _Pookie_ that if he doesn't stop fucking with me, then I'm going to go Sarah Palin on his ass. Put on some creepy glasses, tie my hair in a taunt bun, and fly high above Maryland with a shotgun looking for him. That's how we do it in good ol' Alaska!"

I laughed. My laughter was contagious because Bella started to giggle as well.

"Unfortunately I think my Sarah Palin threat only excited Pookie more. He ran off giggling and snorting through his nose. What a creep." Bella wrinkled her nose. "And yay I made you laugh. Oh no. I just said _yay_. Alice is rubbing off on me."

"She has that effect." I ran my hands through my hair still thinking about Alice and her optimism. "Alice likes to start revolutions for the greater good. She's the kind of person that spends most of Thanksgiving in the homeless shelter, instead of at home, smelling all the good food being cooked." I smiled crookedly.

"Of course she does." Bella said softly.

"In high-school she started this club called _Haven_, and to make a long story short, one of the guys she was reaching out to committed suicide."

Bella's mouth dropped. "Oh no."

I nodded slowly, "He was _gay_."

Bella placed her hand to her cheek.

"Alice was devastated after that. She didn't sleep, or eat for days. She was so depressed. And Alice is _never_ depressed. Seeing her like that killed me."

***

_I knocked on Alice's door. I could see that all the lights were off inside. "Alice can I come in?" _

_ Carlisle and Esme's room door was cracked open and I could hear their muffled conversation. Esme was crying. Apparently she taught Dylan Keller a few years back. Since Alice didn't respond I pushed open the door._

_ "Allie?"_

_ I could make out her form underneath the covers. I closed the door behind me. She wasn't moving but I knew she was still awake, I had heard her crying audibly only seconds ago. The weight in my chest pressed down on my heart as I took a few steps towards her bed. I stood there awkwardly for a few moments and then I settled into the empty space beside her. _

_ "You did everything you could for Dylan, Alice." My eyebrows knitted together in concern. "You can't blame yourself for this." _

_ She returned my statement with silence._

_ "Is it okay if I stay here with you?" I whispered._

_ "Uh huh," she managed._

_ I rested my head on her pillow and folded my hands over my chest. "What can I do to help you Allie?"_

_ "You can't do anything Edward." She whispered in a lifeless voice. "I'm so sad. I keep going over in my head what I could've done differently to save his life."_

_ "You couldn't have done anything besides be there for him."_

_ Alice sniffled again, "He was just fourteen Edward. He was a kid. And everyone had turned their back on him." She looked at me. In the silvery moonlight I saw tears spilling down her cheek. "How could you turn your back on someone you love when they need you the most. It's so inhumane."_

_ As I stared into Alice's eyes brimming with tears; I knew that now was the right time to tell her I was gay. She was basically begging me to confide in her, because we were family. But as I reached out and circled her cold hands in mine, I knew that I couldn't do it. The despair in her eyes was too great and I didn't want to forever attach my 'coming out' to the loss of Dylan Keller by suicidal means. She already had a lot on her plate and I couldn't bear to overload her with anymore. _

***

Later that night Alice and Jasper came over. As I suspected Alice was doing her silence vow tomorrow. Jasper had agreed to participate, and even Bella jumped at the chance. I was the last one to volunteer losing my voice, and it wasn't because I didn't want to do it.

I just knew that by the end of tomorrow I would finally have to break my silence. And not just to Alice, but also to my family, and Jacob too. I wasn't sure how I was going to find the words to come out, but I owed it to myself, and to everyone else I loved.

***

The golden glow of sunshine slid brilliantly into my dorm room. I was buried underneath my covers, and I was briefly considering staying in bed all day. But I managed to pull back the covers and make my way over to my closet for my toothbrush. The door opened and Jacob strolled in. The good thing was that he still seemed to be in a significantly better mood than he had been in the last couple of days.

"Good morning, _you_." He greeted. "I brought you breakfast. OJ and a nasty ass bran muffin, just because they're your favorite."

I smiled appreciatively and nodded in thanks.

Jacob studied me curiously.

It struck me that he probably forgot that I was taking a vow of silence, because I hadn't fully explained why I was doing it. I went to my desk and grabbed a marker and a dry erase board. On the board I wrote, "I can't talk. _Alice's charity_. Here's a pamphlet." I showed him the board and then handed him one of the pamphlets outlining Dylan Keller's story, and the Safe Zone housing center for gay and abused teenagers.

Jacob smirked as if I was representing one of those religious groups that came to your house with bibles and pamphlets. The people that you hid from. At least that's what Alice and I used to do. Turn off all the lights, and watch through the blinds as they knocked relentlessly.

"What is this Cullen?" As soon as Jacob started to read, he said, "_Oh_." Jacob clenched his jaw. "Alice set this up?"

I nodded once more. It was frustrating not being able to talk. I cleared off the erase board and wrote. "Alice came up with the idea of the charity. My parents got it started."

Jacob dropped underneath his bed and pulled out a Folgers can. "Don't you dare laugh at me Cullen or I'll kick your _mute_ ass."

I waved my hands.

"I don't have much but I need some good karma, and it's for a _good_ cause." He pulled some wadded bills from the can. "Over the summer I worked with Paul at his uncle's auto shop. I saved up enough money to get me through the semester, because I knew with football and me being a grade F dumbass with studying, I would need all the time I could get." He counted the money, took some out, and then placed the rest back in the can. Jacob waved the bills towards me. "Here."

I waved my hands again. I knew that Jacob didn't have a lot of money. His intentions were good and honorable, but I couldn't take money from him.

Jacob sighed aggravated and then lifted up my shirt. He pulled back the elastic waistband of my Abercrombie boxer briefs and placed the money inside. "You have to take the money now. It's touching your skin, which means that it's officially dirty stripper money."

I chuckled. I quickly erased the last message on my board and then wrote. "Are you calling me a stripper?"

Jacob smiled gently. There was _my_ Jacob smile. God I had missed it He took my board from me, erased my message with his hands, and wrote this. "I don't have enough _five dollar bill_s for how much your worth boy."

My cheeks warmed.

"You Cullen's are good people. I'll spread the word for you okay."

I nodded as I watched him grab his book bag, sling it over his shoulder, and then head out the door. I cleared the dry erase board, placed it on my bed, and started the process of mentally preparing myself for the day.

**Review Loves**!


	10. Speak

**AN**: Thank you to every single person that reviewed the last chapter. I **love** you all so much! The last chapter was a tough one to write, because of the emotional range of it. When I created Dylan's story, I knew that the subject was sensitive, I almost backed out of writing it, because I didn't know how the readers would react. But as you guys usually do, ya'll completely supported this story, and made me feel completely overjoyed and happy with your warm responses. I'm sorry that I made some of you cry! But since I'm so committed to building these characters and sending them on a journey _together_, I plan on mixing the sad with the happy, and the larger than life characters, with the tragically real. It's emotional and rewarding writing this story, but it would be dead without you guys. **Viva0los0sacapuntas**- Your review really made me sad. I wrote these two chapters for people like Isaac. Gone far too soon. Thank you for sharing his story. I just wished it ended differently. **4EverAndEver**- Jake, lol. The smut is coming I swear. I'm not that wicked of a girl where I'd rate this story MA and not deliver ;) I just have to wait for the right time, because if Jake and Ed rush into sex...or Ed starts sleeping with someone besides Jacob right away, that would be totally unrealistic to me. So trust me okay. I'll bring the goods when the time is good. _Lol._ **Tash**- Everything is going great in my life, and it doesn't hurt that I have such great readers and reviewers like you.

So once again thank you to every single one of you, new reviewers, faithful reviewers, _everyone_. Once again this chapter is told from Edward first person, and Alice third person. He _does_ come out in this chapter, and some reactions will be interesting. That's all I can really say. Take care until I'm back for the Thanksgiving update, which hopefully won't make anyone cry...just laugh ;) –Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, Stephenie Meyer owns all.

Chapter 10- Speak

**Alice's POV**

_Her heart was racing as she ran down the street._

_ Alice's bright yellow dress stood out in the blinding sea of gray business suits, emotionless faces, and hurried bodies. Her legs felt weak, and her lungs were desperately grasping for air. She couldn't go any further. She had been looking for him for the last few hours, but he was nowhere to be found. Hopelessness, an emotion that she refused to consume her, was sinking in like a morphine drip._

_ Alice pushed on. She squeezed through the crowd allowing the impending time clock to keep her moving. The sun filtered through the colorless sky, blinding her with its lemony glow, but she ignored the brightness. Alice stopped abruptly and scanned every rooftop, and that's when she finally saw him. She tore across the street, her dress flowing wildly around her legs, and her brunette tresses falling into her eyes. _

_ She couldn't stop. She had to keep moving. Maybe this time she could save his life? Once inside the building, Alice raced up the stairs. The climb seemed to take forever, but when she got to the door on the top, she crashed her tiny body into it. The door swung open and she saw him, Dylan Keller, standing at the edge, and peering down._

_ "Dylan," Alice said loud enough for him to hear her. She didn't want to yell and startle him._

_ His shoulders sagged a little. _

_ Alice's eyebrows furrowed. Something about him was different? She took a step closer. Her heart was beating furiously. "Dylan, please come down from there," Alice raised her arm and stretched out her hand towards his back. "Just take my hand okay. Please Dylan."_

_ "It's too late Allie,"_

_ A shiver convulsed through her body. Suddenly the sun had slipped back into place behind the cumulonimbus clouds. Alice froze scared to death to move. All she could do was close her eyes and pray like hell that she would wake up soon. She was dreaming. This wasn't real. _

_ "You know it's really peaceful up here," Edward said softly. "I just wish that there was a little more sun." He smiled tragically, "And a bright blue sky. It would be nice to see something beautiful before I die."_

_ "Just a dream. Just a dream." Alice chanted._

_ "Alice,"_

_ Edward's voice hand changed. His tone was shakier now and riddled with fear. When Alice opened her eyes, she realized that Edward had turned back into Dylan. He was still perched on the ledge, but his green eyes were wide and staring straight at her._

_ "Alice," He said again._

_ "Yes, I'm here." she snapped out of it. Tears stung her eyes. "I'm here." Alice repeated wiggling her fingers, "Just grab my hand Dylan. Don't do this."_

_ Dylan's eyebrows furrowed. "When I was younger I used to always pretend like I was superman." He grinned. "I would find a red sheet, tie it around my neck, and jump from the highest place I could without hurting myself." He looked down at Alice's shaking arm. "I think that this is probably the highest I ever tried to jump from. Alice you should go." Dylan smiled softly. "I'll be okay."_

_ "No," Alice insisted. Tears were dangerously close to falling. "You can't seriously expect me to leave. I know that we barely know each other, but what about the people that love you. Imagine the hole that's going to be in their heart when they found out that you committed suicide."_

_ "I'm not committing suicide," Dylan said his face falling a little. _

_ "Dylan jumping off a building is suicide."_

_ He blinked with difficulty. "And if I went through with this. Does that make me a bad person to you?"_

_ Alice struggled to find the right words. "Giving up is the worst thing that you can do. If you don't fight for yourself then how do you expect to survive?" She bit her lip. "Dylan this is just high-school. Can you really just jump off a building, and ignore the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you? What about college, marriage..."_

_ "Oh yeah my parents would love it if I married a dude."_

_ "Well then fuck your parents." Alice cried. "It doesn't have to come to this."_

_ "But I'm so tired." Dylan said looking down. "I've fought all my life, and I just..." He pulled at his shirt. "If everyone was like you then maybe I could be happy." He wiped underneath his eyes. "I just hurt too much, and I don't know how I can make this okay, when the people I love can't even bear to look at me anymore."_

_ "Then you can come to my house." Alice said quickly. "You know my mom, Esme Cullen, she used to teach you...and my dad is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. You can stay with us until you get back on your feet."_

_ Dylan squeezed his eyes shut. Tragic tears spilled down his reddened cheeks. "I still will never understand why you're being so nice to me. You listened, and offered me a place to stay. Why?"_

_ "Because I have a brother, and if he ever got so low, where he felt like his only option was to commit suicide, then I would feel so empty." Alice was crying now. "I don't think I would ever recover from losing him, and just thinking about it makes me feel so sad." Her lips trembled. Alice wiped at her eyes. "It gets better Dylan. Life isn't easy. But you can do it. Just grab my hand."_

_ Dylan cried quietly to himself. Alice inched forward. "If I jump...if I die like this, do you think that I could still get into Heaven. Because I think so. I hope so."_

_ Alice couldn't answer that question, because she honestly didn't know the answer to that. "Give me your hand," she repeated. "You'll be okay. Everything will be okay."_

_ "And what if I didn't jump." Dylan stared back at her through glassy eyes. He looked impossibly more like a young boy. "Do you think that I could be happy, and find some way to start feeling again, because I feel so numb, and so cold, like I'm already dead."_

_ "But you're still alive. You're breathing, and you'll be fine." Alice was now close enough to touch his hand. "C'mon, just reach out your hand. Don't think about it. Just reach out, and do it."_

_ Dylan stared deep into her eyes, and he pulled his hand back, holding it to his chest. "I almost believe you." He reached out again._

_ Alice quickly took his hand. The sun snuck from in between the clouds again beaming down on their forms. She tugged him gently away from the edge, but his stance was resistant. Dylan didn't budge. Alice tugged again, careful not to be too forceful._

_ "I'm sorry Alice but I was already gone before you tried to stop me." He released her hand and then he took a step back, his feet were now precariously hanging over the edge. Dylan closed his eyes, "Thank you for being there for me Alice."_

_ Before Alice could do anything Dylan spread out his arms and fell backwards. "No!" she screamed. Alice ran to the edge, and all she saw was Dylan sprawled on the sidewalk below, with blood everywhere. She screamed at the top of her lungs._

***

She was being shaken awake.

Alice tossed and turned. She felt hands circle around her arm. Her eyelids opened. The first thing she noticed was the intense sunlight. What time was it? She then realized that Bella was perched beside her bed. Bella's brown eyes were filled with worry. Alice opened her mouth to explain the dream, and then she realized that she couldn't _talk_.

She forced a smile, that couldn't even begin to explain what was wrong, and pushed herself out of bed. Bella searched around for her dry erase board. She wrote, "Are you okay?"

Alice didn't have the desire to use the dry erase board to explain her dream. She had been having that dream for the last couple of months. It was always the same. She was running in a _dress_ to stop Dylan from jumping, and ultimately she was never successful. But something bothered her in particular about _this_ dream. Edward was in it. When she was younger, Alice used to have these horrible nightmares about losing Edward. Whether it was in a fire, a horrible car accident, or by that creepy clown _It_.

She would always wake up just as he appeared in the gutter with his sharp brown teeth. "Alice we all float down here."

She shivered. The dreams had stopped for some time now, and the last thing she wanted was for them to start up again. Even if it was just a dream, she didn't want to think about losing Edward.

Alice quickly glanced over in the direction of the clock. Her eyes widened in horror. _Oh my god_! She had a test in her eight o' clock class and she was already _twenty minutes_ late. With no time to spare, Alice threw on a trenchcoat over what she was wearing, and slipped on some flip-flops. Frantically she grabbed two pencils and a pen. She was out the door in seconds.

The elevator was crowded so she took the stairs. _She was late_. Alice ran outside into the wet November weather. She walked as briskly as she could, trying not to attract attention to her vagabond getup, but then she gave up trying to be discreet. She was late, and she was _not _going to fail this test. Alice started to run. Her class was all the way across the freaking campus!

A blonde male on a bike cut her off. She looked back at him slightly irritated, until she realized that it was _Jasper_. She smiled warmly at him and waved. There was so much that she wanted to say, because this was the second day in a row seeing him. Jasper pointed down to her flip-flops. Alice shook her head embarrassed and pointed down to her wrist. Trying to explain failingly that she was late.

Jasper stared ahead and pointed in the direction of the library. Most of the buildings were around there. He looked back at her, his lips parted. Alice assumed that he wanted to ask her if she needed to go in that direction? She nodded. Jasper signaled for her to get on the back of his bike. Alice stared at him confused.

He picked up on her cluelessness, and showed her where to place her feet. Alice followed his hand gestures, and mounted the bike, she squeezed onto his shoulders tightly. Jasper nodded, and then he took off. The wind and rain whipped around them.

***

**Edward's POV **

---

I was sitting in the back of the classroom taking notes. I had arrived to class late, so I didn't get a chance to pass out the pamphlets before the professor started lecture. _I was fail_. The door swung open and Emmett McCarty stepped in. My eyebrows furrowed. What the hell was he doing here? I came to this class almost every day, and I hadn't seen him once. I absently started to write everything the professor was saying down. But my attempts were in vein, because despite the fact that a hundred or so people were in this room, Emmett came straight to me.

He moved quickly up the stairs towards me.

"Ouch dude you stepped on my foot!" some guy complained.

"Then you should've moved your _penny loafers_ when you saw me coming." Emmett answered unremorsefully. Once he reached me he leaned over and placed his book bag in the seat on the other side of me. I couldn't help but to notice how good he smelled. He smelled outdoorsy and masculine. Emmett sank in the seat beside me. "So what did I miss?"

I just smiled and shrugged.

Emmett licked his lips, "Did Jacob ask you not to talk to me baby boy?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

Emmett grinned. "I knew I could get your attention by bringing up that _dumb_ Jacob Black kid, or calling you a nickname." He leaned over, placing his strong arm on my desk. "So what's up?"

I continued to ignore him.

This was all a joke to Emmett because he wrestled my pen out of my hand, and squeezed my fingers tightly. If I could I would hurl a few choice words at his ass. They would probably start with bitch and end with fuck you. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"There it goes." Emmett said softly almost singing. "That evil glare that targets all of your _hot_ aggression towards me." He smiled handsomely, his deep dimples appearing in his cheeks. Emmett was _still_ holding my hand. "I thought we got along _famously_ on your birthday Georgia. So there is no need to be so territorial with me."

I wiggled my hand out of his and snatched my pen back.

"Hmm," he mused reaching for my dry erase board. "What is this? Did you bring toys to class to entertain me?" He clicked his tongue, "While the kiddie boards are fun, I do prefer toys of a more sexual nature."

Emmett was acting like a child. _Incredibly annoying and fidgety_. He drew something on the board and then placed it back on my desk. I looked down at the crude picture of some guy with unruly hair, _probably me_, swallowing a dick whole. My lips thinned and I narrowed my eyes at Emmett.

He was smiling, not maliciously, but instead as if this was a joke that we were both supposed to be in on. I didn't hate Emmett. I even felt drawn to him in a strange way, but above everything, I didn't understand him. He could be sweet sometimes, and then an asshole on every other day in between.

But he _did_ treat me better than most people he talked to.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Emmett said. "Big guys need love too."

I smiled a little. I reached in my book bag for an eraser and handed it to Emmett.

"You don't like my pretty picture?" He asked with mock surprise.

I shook my head, _no_.

"Aww well," His hands closed over mine as he took the eraser from me. Emmett cleaned off the white board, and then took another marker. He drew me a heart. "Is that more kiddie friendly?"

I didn't respond.

Emmett folded his arms behind his head and kicked his legs up on the chair in front of him. "This class is _so_ boring! I'm so bored that I would rather sit through an episode of that god awful _Secret Life of the American Teenager_ show." He spoke loud enough for the professor to hear him.

The professor stopped in her tracks.

"What did you say?" she asked icily.

Emmett sat up with a devious smile. "Oh huh? Are you talking to me? Or the guy in front of me, you're kinda short so I can't tell."

"You said that this class was _boring_?"

"Oh yeah I did say that. Boring as a turd." Emmett answered.

She crossed her arms, "Well if this class is so boring then why don't you try teaching this information. Get out of my class!"

I glanced at Emmett trying to gauge his reaction.

As usual he was unruffled by authority. Emmett stood, but not before glancing at the pamphlets on the edge of my desk. His clear blue eyes met mine and then he looked away. Emmett made his way to the front of the classroom without his book bag. He was all class clown, and confident badass rolled into one.

"We are talking about the civil war correct?" Emmett asked.

"What are you doing?" the professor demanded.

"Well?" Emmett scratched his head comically. "You did invite me to the front of the class to play didn't you."

"_Fine_. You want to play games. Well then we can play games." The professor smiled evily, "Emmett McCarty correct."

"The one and only mamacita."

She cringed and then turned to the class. "Emmett McCarty has just volunteered himself to test your knowledge, and since he's _never_ here this should be interesting. Get in groups; come up with questions, preferably hard ones, and in ten minutes, Emmett McCarty will answer all of your Civil War questions. Every wrong answer he gets is docked from his participation grade." The professor laughed evily, "Mamacita _that_,"

Emmett chuckled, "All I got to say is bring on the bacon, 'cause I got the skillet pan. Batter up bitches."

Emmett really was one of a kind. I wondered to myself how did he get away with all of this? Anyone else would've been kicked out of the University of Maryland for insubordination.

"And while you guys are coming up with questions no doubt to sink my _perfect_ GPA, I need you guys to listen up." Emmett found me again in the crowd. "My _friend_, James Dean back there," He gestured towards me, "He's supporting a cause, I don't know what it is, because he can't actually speak now, but he has pamphlets." Emmett gestured me towards the front.

The professor's mouth dropped. "You can't pass out pamphlets in the middle of my lecture."

"What _lecture_?" Emmett smiled innocently. "The class is working in groups, and we have nothing but time on our hands." He gestured towards me again.

It was sinking in that Emmett had purposely planned this. He must've pieced together what I was doing without me actually explaining it. I forced myself to stand, feeling just as much of a rebel as Emmett. I swallowed and made my way down the stairs to the front of the classroom.

"Take one, and pass the rest around." Emmett said. He nudged me, "My ruse was brilliant wasn't it. Initiate asshole response to a frustratingly boring lecture, rile up the professor in the hooch boots..."

I took one glance at the professors boots; which snaked up her leg, with what looked like buckles fastened tightly, all around the leather design. The boots looked more appropriate for a job turning tricks in Baltimore, than in a classroom.

"Exactly _hooch boots_." Emmett continued.

I started to hand out the pamphlets. Completely thankful for Emmett. After I was finished I went back to my seat. Since Emmett had done this for me, I felt compelled to stand up beside him and answer all the questions for him. But I couldn't because I had no voice.

When the time was up the students grilled Emmett. They asked him questions that even I didn't know the answer to, and I was a history buff. I was shocked though because Emmett was perfectly calm up front as he answered all of the questions. He even got cocky and gave the students more answer than they asked for. The professor was not pleased, because Emmett obviously made her look stupid, and he wasted a lecture day.

At the end of class Emmett still remained undefeated.

"I hope all of you were listening because there _will_ be a quiz next class." Emmett grinned proudly and then he looked towards me again.

I started to gather my belongings, but a circle of students had collected around me.

"I think it's pretty awesome that you're doing this." A guy said. He reached in his pocket and handed me a five-dollar bill. "I would give more, but short notice."

I smiled appreciatively. More students dropped off cash and change.

After they were gone only Emmett and I were left in the room.

I gazed up at him. Did he have to insist on always surprising me?

"I'll keep one of these pamphlets for myself." He said. Emmett grabbed his book bag. "See you around Cullen."

I grabbed his arm before he could leave me. After I had put all the money in my bookbag I wrote down, "Thank you Emmett." And held it up to my chest.

He nodded slowly, "You gave me a good excuse to disrupt this stiff ass class." Emmett looked down at my hand still wrapped around his arm. "_Hmm_," he mused again.

I let him go.

"And you couldn't speak anyways when I was bothering you." His cheeks flushed. "I was expecting you to cuss me out from here to my Aunt Trudie's trailer park in Tulsa, Oklahoma, but you didn't. So I knew something was up Eddie." Emmett swallowed. "So yeah...since you couldn't speak, I spoke for you, and you know how loud my voice is."

With that Emmett left me.

***

After class Alice texted me to meet her in front of the student union. I found her with Bella and Jasper. They had a table set up facing the doors. Some other people that I didn't recognize were with them. When Alice saw me she gave me a big hug. It was frustrating to see her, and not be able to exchange one word. I couldn't ask her, how her day was, and why Jasper was suddenly around so much.

Jasper waved at me, and I waved back. Alice rubbed my arm and then went back over to Jasper; together they handed out pamphlets to students walking out. Bella left the desk to come over to me. She nodded her head. I nodded my head back. Together we took a seat.

I should be using this silent time to think through what I was going to say to Alice tonight. I watched her, she was actively tracking down every student she could. Jasper was looking at her again like she was the sun in the center of his solar system.

Bella elbowed me.

I raised my eyebrows in her direction.

She tilted her head towards Rosalie Hale, who was strutting over in her typical, "My name is Rosalie Hale, and I'm so _fucking_ awesome," fashion. Bella not to subtly snuck away.

"Ohh it's the _hobbit_!" Rosalie said to Jasper.

Jasper actively ignored her.

Jasper wasn't short at all, so I had no idea why Rosalie called him a smurf or a hobbit. Probably just to establish his place beneath her. She took a seat beside me. I was almost afraid to move, one wrong movement could mean death. I smiled a little. At least I could find amusement somewhere with this day.

"God I'm so glad the rain finally stopped." Rosalie crossed her long legs. Guys walking by stopped to observe her, one even crashed into a pole. Rosalie snickered, "Stupid boys."

I smirked.

"I imagine girls do the same thing when they see you?" Rosalie asked a bemused smirk etched on her face with pink lip-gloss.

I shrugged.

"So I guess you guys can't speak for this..." she shrugged carelessly. "Whatever peace campaign you guys are doing."

Alice appeared out of nowhere and handed Rosalie a pamphlet.

"Light reading." Rosalie said with a tight smile. "Thanks _Aisha_, I'll put that with the rest of my homework, and make sure to get to it by Christmas."

Rosalie had to be purposely messing up Alice's name at this point. That was rude of her.

"Edward the only reason I'm over here is because I owe you and your sister an apology." Rosalie's face was pained as if it was the hardest thing in the world to say _sorry_. "I was selfish, and I used your birthday as an excuse to seek revenge. I learned my lesson. Never again will I involve innocent bystanders in my vengeful plots, just Emmett, and the weak fools that piss me off."

Rosalie Hale was another _interesting_ person. That was quite the apology.

"Oh and one more thing. Emmett was telling me that you're from Georgia, so if you're not planning on going home for the Thanksgiving Holiday, then you're more than welcome to join us, and you can bring your friends."

I couldn't imagine eating Thanksgiving over at Rosalie's. She would probably put thumbtacks and nails in the turkey.

Rosalie smiled. "My parents are in South Africa for the holidays, so I'm not going back home to an empty Manhattan brownstone, and Emmett isn't going back to Alaska this year."

I nodded.

"Think it over. The holidays shouldn't be spent in a 4 by 4 dorm room with bad Chinese Food and cheap beer." She reached in her purse. "This is all the loose change I have." Rosalie gave me a hundred dollar bill. "For whatever the charity is."

***

Later that day I stepped back into my dorm.

Jacob was listening to rap music and cleaning up his side of the room.

I stood by the door speechless. It was a good sign that he was listening to rap music, because rap music equaled a happy Jake, but the cleaning?

Jacob poked his head from underneath the bed where he was pulling out papers and trash. "Edward."

I smiled.

"Guess what." He closed the door and grabbed me by the hand.

His touch sent electric jolts through my body. I didn't dare wiggle my hand free. He was happy. My Jake was alive in his eyes. We sat down on his bed. Jacob was still holding my hand I didn't even realize if he still knew that.

"_Hooked on Edward_ works!" He gushed like he was in a corny 1990's commercial. "I was failing. Man I was dumb as shit. One F here, three E's there, and then I brought Hooked on Edward." Jacob paused to smile wide, "And mama look I got A's! You don't have to send me back to first grade."

I grinned and shook my head at him. I gave him a 'Huh' expression because I was so lost.

His thumb was stroking my hand.

The air in the room was quickly exiting.

Jacob let my hand go. It fell lifeless in my lap. He went over to his desk and removed a dark blue folder, which he handed over to me. "Without you Edward, I would be homeless and on the streets, selling my body for tacos and Chimichangas."

I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. This was why I loved this guy. He made me laugh. Laugh so hard that I felt like my insides were about to burst. He just filled me with so much happiness, and I was addicted to that.

"Open the folder E. Cullen,"

I eyed the folder with pretend fear. I set down the folder.

Jacob stared back at me disappointed. "Cullen its good news?"

I reached in my bookbag unable to keep this thought to myself. I wrote down on the dry erase board that I would _burn_ after today, "Happiness looks good on you,"

Jacob grinned even wider. "Well my happiness is all because of you. This semester might not end in flames after all."

I opened the folder and my mouth dropped. Jacob had got back a paper that I had helped him on, he wrote _it,_ I just supplied some ideas to get him thinking. He got an _A_.

Jacob started to beatbox, and then he improvised some rhyme about how awesome I was. He pulled me up by the hand and gave me a hug. I grinned stupidly and rubbed his back.

"So how is the campaign going? Have you made enough money to make it rain hundred dollar bills in that shelter?" Jacob asked, obvious care apparent in his big brown eyes.

I could tell that he supported what I was doing. I swallowed hoping that he would still be this jovial tonight when we talked. I went to my bookbag and emptied out all the money I had collected on the floor.

"Pennies?" Jacob scowled. "Who the fuck gave you pennies."

I smirked. _Every penny counts_.

Jacob pulled a Nike shoebox from underneath his bed and put the money inside. "Safe keeping until the end of the day. This is College Park not Savannah, if someone knew you were walking around with all this money, they would rob your ass twice and take off running like a thief."

_He was right_. We put the money in the shoebox and I placed it on my desk.

"I'm going to get some exercise in." Jacob said.

I nodded.

"Did you want to join me?"

As tempting as that sounded I decided that I'd rather stay inside and finish some work. Being around Jacob, especially when he was carefree and happy, only made me want to talk to him more. But I couldn't. So I would stay here...and wait for tonight.

***

**Alice's POV**

---

She and Jasper were inseparable today. They were watching TV now.

He kept nodding off. Alice thought it was adorable because every now and then Jasper's head would roll to the side, and then he would violently jerk, look at her, and then act like he was awake the whole time. Whenever Jasper glanced at her Alice always pretended not to notice.

He was breathing in and out slowly. Jasper did look _so_ exhausted. His skin was pale, and dark purple circles were underneath his eyes. She didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but she hoped that he would still have time in his busy schedule for her.

Jasper was one of those rare guys that treated her like a lady, without any ulterior motives. He carried her school books, gave her rides on bicycles even when she looked like a trenchcoat and flip flop wearing bum, and he made being around him so effortless.

Alice had given up on love secretly after sophomore year of high school. She had met a guy named Kevin who came off as a really good guy. Alice knew him for a few months before they started dating, and as soon as they became official, Kevin became all about sex. She said no, because she wasn't ready, but Kevin didn't take no for an answer. One night he tried to force himself on her, which resulted in Alice calling Edward.

Edward found them, and kicked Kevin's ass so badly, that people actually called the cops on _him_. Edward and Alice were just fifteen then so at least that incident didn't get on Edward's permanent record. Since that incident that was when Edward started being super protective of her. But she assumed that Edward saw something in Jasper that made him back off a little.

Alice's cell vibrated on her press. She reached for it. Her mom sent her a text.

"_Your father and I are in the area. Surprise ninja attack. We're taking you and Edward out to dinner. Love You, Mom_."

Alice's cheeks warmed happily. She quickly texted her back, calling her sneaky, and promising to have Edward ready, and presentable for dinner. As Alice texted her back, Jasper let out a little sigh and then he rolled over on his side. He rested his head full of curly blonde hair on her shoulder.

Her heart stopped. She closed her eyes and smiled. Alice tried not to move. Jasper was obviously very tired so she would let him sleep. An hour had passed and Jasper was still sleeping on her shoulders, his legs curled up like a child, and his fist balled up by her leg.

Alice started to get drowsy herself.

***

_A week had passed since Dylan Keller's suicide. _

_ Alice sat in the classroom they used after school for Haven with her hand rested against her cheek. Most of the students that helped her out had been skipping the group all week. And it wasn't like it mattered. Since Dylan Keller's suicide she hadn't seen any students. Alice saw people in the hallways looking sad, a few had even decorated Dylan's locker with hearts, and well wishes wherever he was. She brought flowers and placed it right by his locker._

_ Everything felt so abnormal. Getting up in the morning was hard. Because every time she closed her eyes, she thought about Dylan. He was gone. He would never breathe again, or see something as simplistically beautiful as a full moon shining amongst a night full of stars._

_ He was in an eternal slumber, and he would know this world no longer. Alice wasn't sure what to do with the pain she felt. It slightly reminded her of the sadness she had experienced when Elizabeth Masen died. Alice was young then, but she remembered Elizabeth's kindness, and the way she treated both her and Edward._

_ Alice couldn't grasp the concept that she was gone back then, even though her mom explained that Elizabeth was in Heaven. Alice felt a tear slide down her cheek. More than anything she wished that she could just take back the last couple of days, and have them never happen._

_ The door closed._

_ Alice glanced up taken off guard. She saw Dylan's best-friend Tom standing at the door. Her first reaction was to lash out and tell him to leave, but that would be irresponsible of her, considering what this club stood for. Alice looked down at her desk. "Are you lost?" she asked with a slight edge._

_ Tom walked towards her and took a seat. "Dylan talked to you right before he..." Tom struggled for the words. His brown eyes were impassive. "What did he say."_

_ Alice clasped her hands, "It doesn't matter now does it."_

_ Tom bit his lip. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? Why wouldn't it."_

_ Alice remained tightlipped. _

_ "He was my best-friend." Tom whispered._

_ Alice's eyebrows furrowed._

_ "I just messed up once. Just once." Tom squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying. "I just needed some time to deal with it. He was my best-friend, he is my best-friend, and I thought I knew him." Tom placed his hands to his face. "I just needed some time but he didn't even give me that! He just went to a fucking building and jumped off!"_

_ Alice felt her heart start to accelerate and the tears were threatening to fall. "Tom please, maybe I shouldn't be the one that you to talk to about this. There are guidance counselors and..."_

_ "I don't want to fucking talk to a guidance counselor!" Tom yelled. His face twisting in anger. "I want to talk to you!"_

_ Alice raised her hands to tell him to stop but it was too late. She was already crying. "Yes I was the last person that talked to him!"_

_ Tom's lip trembled. "What did he say to you?"_

_ She angrily wiped at her tears._

_ "Alice," Tom begged. "What did he say."_

_ "You hurt him." Alice delivered through gritted teeth. "You were the only person he could trust and you turned your back on him."_

_ Tom squeezed his eyes shut and he looked down. "He's gone...and he doesn't even know how wrong he was..." Tom looked into Alice's eyes and then he started to sob uncontrollably, his whole frame was shaking. "It's too late to wish that I could've been there, that I could've changed everything, and that he could still be here." Tom wiped at his eyes. "He died hating me."_

_ "He didn't die hating you." Alice bit her lip. "He died hating himself." _

_ Tom balled his hand to his mouth. "When he told me I just didn't know how to react. At first I tried to deal with it silently, but then he told me that he loved me...my best guy friend in the world told me he loved me! What was I supposed to do with that?" Tom looked back at Alice sadly. "I guess I'm just here because I need to know if you made him feel a little better."_

_ Alice took in a deep breath. "I tried...but he needed the people closest to him to get through this." _

_ Tom furiously wiped at his eyes._

_ Alice pushed her chair back and went over to Tom. He started to cry harder._

_ "I know you think that I'm a horrible person..." he banged his fist against the desk, "But I would've came around, if he gave me the chance, I would've came around. Because he is important to me. He's been my best-friend forever and now he's gone."_

_ Alice reached out to place a small hand on Tom's back. _

_ "I'm so sorry."_

_ "Dylan is gone." Alice paused as Tom struggled to breathe._

_ "It hurts. I feel like my whole body is on fire and I can't put it out. For years Dylan must've held this in, but I guess he never felt like he could tell me. And when he did...I completely turned my back on him." _

_ Alice knelt beside Tom and took her hands in his. He cried for a while, she lost track of time, but she stayed with him, until he couldn't cry anymore._

***

**Edward's POV**

---

I went to my first LGBT meeting with Alice.

Bella and Jasper were also there.

We had made a clearing in the middle of the room. Everyone stood in a circle with their dry erase boards in their hands. We all wrote one word to describe our experience being _silent_ and by saying that word aloud, our silence would be broken.

"_Alone_," Alice said. "I was surrounded by the people I love all day, but I couldn't even say hi to them." She looked down. "I realized how much I have to say today." She looked at me, "And I can't keep anything in, because I have so many people that love me, and it's nice to know I can give them some of the weight, whenever life gets a little tough."

Alice then threw her dry erase board in the middle of the floor.

"_Sad_," Bella said next. She tossed her board with Alice's.

Jasper said, "Happy."

I glanced at him like he had lost his mind.

"I'm happy because I met Alice Cullen." His cheeks reddened. "If it wasn't for her then we wouldn't have done this today. She is truly inspiring." Jasper cast his eyes on Alice, "For every person filled with hate, there is at least one that reminds you why you should never lose hope." While still keeping his eyes on Alice, he threw his board into the pile.

It was my turn now.

My board didn't have anything on it, but the _heart _Emmett had drawn earlier.

"I felt _love_." I clenched my jaw. I wasn't the best at public speaking. "I was sure that today would be difficult, but even without my voice, my friends showed me in different ways that they were there. My sister gave me a hug, Bella sat down beside me and stayed until the _grinch_ came." Both Bella and I laughed, because only we knew that I was talking about Rosalie. "Jasper waved, Jacob made me smile, and Emmett reminded me why you shouldn't judge people by their covers,"

I shoved my hands in my pockets. "But if I wasn't surrounded by the people I just named I would've felt empty....and alone." I looked at Alice who smiled sweetly back at me. It was unavoidable now, everything that I had been holding inside, I had to tell her.

***

"Edward!" Esme Cullen cried as she threw her arms around me.

"Mom," I wrapped my arms around her. I was glad that my parents were here, but I was also stunned because I had no idea that they were coming. "Next time can you give me a heads up?" I grinned.

"Happy eighteenth birthday." She continued. Esme linked her arm in mine. "How has college been?"

"Great. I've had nothing but freedom." I said.

Esme nodded, her smile still remaining. "Your father is in the car." She smoothed down my hair, and fussed over my black sweater and jeans, like a typical mom for a few minutes. She wanted a report on everything from my classes, to my friends, and finally on me. I answered her as thoroughly as possible. Her smile never faltered.

"Mom," I said quietly.

"Yes?"

"Could we talk for a second?"

Esme's eyebrows furrowed. "Of course we can."

She looked instantly worried. I hated worrying her.

"Edward what's wrong?"

"People, people," Alice sung as she pushed open the door leading to my room. "Alice Cullen has arrived." Alice did a little twirl showing off her black and grey dress with a bow around the hip. She threw her arms around Esme. "Mom we got to get you out of here and fast, you look like a college student, so the guys might start pouncing."

Esme smiled a little. "You look beautiful Allie," He eyes wandered back towards me, "Your father is in the car Alice. Do you think Edward and I could talk first before we join you?"

Alice glanced from my mom to me. Her smile had fell immediately. "Edward what's wrong?"

Her tone told me that she wanted to know why I needed to talk to mom privately. _Excluding her_.

I flipped off the light in my room. "I guess we can just talk about it at dinner."

"Are you sure," Esme mouthed.

"Sure," I said with a nod.

***

We ate at a seafood restaurant in Silver Spring.

The night was still unusually nice for a day in November. All the stars were out, and the clouds that had plagued the morning were gone. The stars twinkled beautifully. Everyone was talking and laughing but me, because I was waiting for the right time to come out.

"Edward," Carlisle placed his hand on my back. "You're so quiet."

"Sorry Dad." I said distractedly. Just then I noticed that Alice was looking at me. Now that I was out of my trance I realized that in the playback of conversation, Alice hadn't said much either. I bit the inside of my cheek and looked away from her.

"Your mother and I brought you a new guitar for your birthday Edward." Carlisle announced.

I smiled. "Thank you."

"It's in the back of the car. Don't forget to take it with you before we leave." Carlisle's hand remained on my back. "And we have two other things to announce." He looked at Esme, whose face was radiantly lit by the flickering candles. "Dear, did you want to tell the kids?"

Esme looked at both Alice and I and she smiled widely. "_Two things_. Your father applied for a position at John's Hopkins and we just found out that he got it."

Alice's mouth dropped. "Dad!"

Carlisle grinned modestly. "I hope you guys don't mind your _old_ parents being a little closer."

"Not at all," Alice got up and hugged him tightly.

I watched as they embraced. I reached out and Carlisle took my hand. I was happy that they were going to be closer.

"And Alice you might want to stay standing." Carlisle said. He looked at Esme.

"You guys are going to have another brother or sister." Esme said all in one breath. "I'm pregnant!"

Now it was my turn to look shocked. "_What_?"

"I'm pregnant." Esme repeated.

"Mom...wow," I said speechlessly. That news made me smile.

Alice squeed loudly and hugged our mom next. I stood up and went over to give our mom a kiss on the cheek and a hug as well. When I took my seat again I felt the heavy burden in my chest rise back up.

Carlisle asked Alice about the charity. She told him that it was successful and that she alone had raised three hundred dollars. My stomach twisted and I felt like I was going to be sick. Carlisle told Alice that both he and Esme had raised money at their jobs. I closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath. The truth was pounding against my ears like a drum begging to break free.

I could speak now. I had too. I had to tell the truth. My family was here. The time couldn't be more perfect. I had to just let it out. Say it. Scream it. However, it got out, I just had to unleash it. In the darkness of my mind I saw Alice's smile. I then saw her tears when Dylan had committed suicide, she cried to me, and begged me to tell her everything. She said she would always be there, like she knew I would always be there for her.

"I have to say something." I said over everyone. My eyes were still closed. Everything was still and silent. Speak. Just say it. I bit my lip.

"Edward?" Carlisle had reached for my hand again.

I opened my eyes and looked at every face. Esme was worried. Carlisle's expression was soothing, calm, serene, ready for whatever and Alice...her expression was the most heartbreaking of all. She looked sad, deeply sad, and I hadn't said anything yet. I looked into Alice's eyes. I didn't want to cry. I hated crying. I _loathed_ it actually.

"I am um..." I licked my lips. My throat felt so dry. "I..." I took in another deep breath. "I'm gay."

There I said it. All in one breath.

Alice stared into my eyes for a while longer. Her eyebrows furrowed and she nodded slowly. She then looked away. Alice reached for a piece of bread and she methodically layered it with butter. She took a few bites and then she looked away from me. Alice looked at our parents. I could see the tears from the corner of her eye.

I felt my heart sink like a weight. I'm so sorry Alice. All the good news had been overshadowed by _this_. My parents were moving to Maryland, Alice and I were going to have another sibling, but this trumped _everything_.

For a few moments I felt like I was floating alone. And then Esme pushed back her chair. She walked over to me. I felt small and scared. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her, because all I could think about was Alice, and how she couldn't even look at me. That hurt.

"Edward," Esme whispered. She took my hand in hers. "Sweetheart."

I couldn't talk. I felt like if I did I would fall apart and start crying all over the place. But I really didn't want to do that. Esme wrapped her arms tightly around me. I clung onto her blouse, breathing in her perfume.

She held me protectively. "Thank you for telling us."

_It was as if she already knew_.

"It's okay," she cried. "It's okay, you're okay."

I stared into her eyes. "I am," She must've thought I was going to cry.

Carlisle took my hand again. "You know what I think."

Esme was still holding onto me tightly so I couldn't see him, but I could feel his hand touching mine.

"I think that you're still our son, and we love you all the same."

It was as if he knew too. They were both waiting for me to come out, but Alice, she seemed to be the only one in the dark.

***

**Alice's POV**

---

Jasper and Bella sat on her bed.

"Alice?" Bella asked gently.

"How long has she been like this?" Jasper asked concerned. He leaned forward and touched Alice's cheek. "_Allie_?"

At that moment Alice snapped out of it. "Yes?" Alice wrapped her arms around her body. "Is the heat on? It's so cold in here."

"The heat is on. You turned it on." Bella pointed out. "As soon as you came in."

"I did," Alice stared at Bella confused. "I'm sorry, I just...why didn't he tell me?" she bowed her head. "I would've been his biggest supporter. I _am_ his biggest supporter." She looked at Jasper, "But I just feel so sad because he kept it in. All this time I've been doing Haven, and Silence for Dylan, and he never felt like he could tell me, my own brother."

"Maybe because he wants to protect you?" Bella suggested.

"Protect me from who? _Him_?"

"No," Jasper said understanding where Bella was going with this. "You're so bright and lively Alice. You make people happy, and I think Edward kept this from you because he didn't want you to worry. He thought maybe he could protect you from thinking that he could turn into the next Dylan Keller?"

Alice looked down. "I would never think that." She wiped at her eyes. "I feel like such a fool. How could I not have known my brother was gay." The thought had been in the back of her mind, she had questioned it before, but it hadn't really gnawed on her conscious until now.

"Edward loves you more than anything." Bella said. "He would never hurt you."

Alice knew that was the truth. She just needed more time to get herself together. "Jasper can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

Alice stared at him for a few moments and then gave him a tight hug. It was the way that he said anything, as if it was an afterthought. He would do _anything_ for her. She leaned away and looked into his eyes. Jasper still looked so tired. She tucked her unruly blonde hair behind his ear. He was so beautiful.

"Could you tell Edward that I'm going to stop by his room later tonight. If he asks why I didn't come, you can tell him the truth. I don't want to cry when we talk, because I'm happy for him, but it just hurts to be the last to know." She shook her head. "Wait you shouldn't tell him that. I should."

"I'll tell him." Bella volunteered. "And besides this is _Edward_ we're talking about. If he really wants to talk to you Alice, he'll come anyway."

"Or he'll give me my space." Alice said knowing better. "Just because he probably thinks I'm mad at him."

***

**Edward's POV**

---

I strummed the chords on the new guitar my parents had given me. My cell phone vibrated on my press. I placed the guitar down on my bed and went to get the phone. Alice had sent me a text.

_I still love you Edward Scissorhands. But I wish you told me sooner_.

Her text made me feel better.

My phone vibrated again.

_I'm coming over later. And as punishment I'm going to make you have an Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant movie marathon with me._

I texted her back telling her to bring on the torture. In my heart I knew that she was still hurt, which was why she wasn't here now. Alice liked to be clear-headed and rational, at least when it came to anything but my love life.

She was totally irrational there. In a month it was safe to assume that Alice would be setting me up with guys left and right. I was still a little anxious though because I wasn't used to this. Being completely open, and _out_.

The door opened and the one person I had been waiting for all day walked in. He was drenched with sweat, and looking so fucking beautiful.

"So have you finally got back your pipes Ariel?"

I smiled. "Yeah I can sing now."

"Then sing to me baby." Jacob teased.

"Jake, could you sit down for a second?"

He paused.

"I have something I want to tell you."

Jacob's eyebrows knitted together. "Okay...but why do you sound so serious." He was still grinning.

I swallowed.

"Edward you're freaking me out." Jacob laughed desperately. "What's up?"

"I'm gay."

Jacob stared back at me silently. It was as if he was looking right through me. He suddenly looked scared. "But you like _Bella_."

"I never told you I liked Bella." I said honestly.

Jacob waved his hand stepping back, "Um I..." He took in a deep breath. "Why are you telling me this."

I looked down. My heart was twisting. "Because I..." I was about to tell him that I loved him, but the words suddenly felt like acid in my throat. He _didn't_ love me. That was surer than ever now.

"Edward," Jacob said.

I just looked at him.

"Are you trying to _kill_ me?"

I didn't know what he meant by that.

"_Kill you_. I would hurt myself a thousand times before I hurt you." I said honestly.

Jacob blinked, "I have to um..." He stumbled backwards. "I've got to go."

***

The day was done, and I was still standing, although barely.

At least I would never have to go through this again. I came out, and I was burned only slightly. But Jacob's reaction did leave third degree burns on my heart. I wasn't sure what I was expecting from him? A kiss, or a hug, definitely not, but I was hoping for a talk at least. We supposedly understood each other. He told me I was like family to him, so then why did he run out on me when I needed him the most.

I was masochistic as fuck right now, and honestly the only thing I wanted to do was chain smoke, _I hated cigarettes_, and drink cheap beer. But I wasn't so desperate to give into the pain. In the morning I would wake up, and time would keep moving as it always did. I would be fine. I was Edward Cullen and I was indestructible.

I was also good at making jokes tonight, because I wasn't indestructible. Just heartbroken.

"You were a little too easy to find." Emmett said approaching me.

"You were looking for me?" I said quickly trying to give the illusion that I was okay.

"Sure," Emmett said with a wide grin. "Do you mind if I take a seat." Before I could say yes or no, he sat down, and on my hand, I might add.

I pulled my hand back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to squish your hand with my _sculptured_ gluteus maximus."

I had to laugh a little.

"So why are you sitting out here looking all downtrodden and cute?"

"And why are you here?" I questioned.

"Like a true superhero, I heard the Edward Cullen distress call and I respond. _Duh_."

"So you're here to save me." I said dryly.

"No I'm not the kind of superhero that saves lives. Too righteous and blah."

I moved my mouth to the side. "So?"

"I read your pamphlet." He handed it back to me. "Did you know that kid."

"I'd seen him around." I said slowly. "Alice knew him more than me."

Emmett studied my eyes. "You look sad."

"No I don't."

"I can give you five minutes before I have to start charging you." Emmett started the timer on his watch. "What's up?"

"I'm not talking to you. I _can't_."

"Why not?" Emmett asked. "You talked to me after I fucked up my pectoral muscle, and ended my football season prematurely. And when Rosalie was acting like a crazy bitch at that restaurant, you stayed with me. Don't think I haven't noticed these things."

I studied his eyes.

"C'mon for the sake of stolen pink cupcakes."

I smiled sadly.

"What do I got to do? Steal you some more."

"Only if you promise to get caught and locked up in jail...for a _cupcake_."

Emmett flashed his dimples.

"You're right about me." I said without looking at him. "I'm in love with..."

"_Jacob_," Emmett spat.

I glared at him.

"No offense against you." Emmett looked down, "Just because I like you doesn't mean I got to like him."

"What reason do you have not to like him?" I asked Emmett.

Emmett declined from answering. "What did he do when you told him?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"I don't ever answer your question straight up." Emmett answered honestly. "We've done this tango before Cullen. You're a smart boy. You know the drill."

I licked my lips. "He told me I was _killing_ him."

Emmett snorted, "A little melodramatic aren't we Jacob. Where is his Oscar!"

I smiled a little. "Stop joking. That _hurt_. Jacob's response."

Emmett looked down and took in a deep breath. "Even though I don't like him, I have to admit that he's a good guy. He cares about the people in his life, and he'll never turn his back on you." Emmett said all of this like it was weighing him down. "But..."

Emmett suddenly leaned forward. I held my breath. "But who's to say that I want to play by Jacob Black's rules and wait for him?" He inched closer and placed his hands on my arms. My heart rate accelerated past the point of control. I should stop him. Tell him that I wasn't into playing games, no matter how fragile my heart was right now, but Emmett squeezed me tighter, and for a second I felt _healed_.

I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, but he had been amazing all day. I expected Emmett to stop just short of my lips, but he didn't. Emmett went for the homerun. He took me in his arms like I was his and he crushed his lips against mine. The smoldering heat of feeling him so close burned a brand new hole in my chest.

He kissed me hungrily, greedily, crossing all the boundaries that I shouldn't have given him permission to pass. But he did it, and he left me feeling feverish. His tongue slid inside my throat, and he leaned deeper into me. I was falling backwards, but he caught me in his strong arms. I could feel his dick hard against my legs, and his stubble brushing my lips and cheek.

_This was wrong_.

Emmett stole one last kiss, biting down on my lip. I grunted swearing that he had drawn blood. When he stopped I was unable to open my eyes. My heart was still beating savagely. He was breathing hard and holding me protectively in his arms.

"You looked like you needed a pick me up." Emmett kissed my cheek, and then my forehead. "Why don't you tell Jacob I kissed you, and see how he reacts to that." Emmett snickered, "I bet you, he'll go Texas Chainsaw Massacre on my ass in seconds flat, like he _owns_ you."

I placed my hand to his chest, feebly trying to push him away.

"You're stronger than that _honey_." He said.

He said honey mockingly like I was his bitch.

"I ought to fuck you up for that." I said hoarsely.

"Then fuck me up." Emmett said back. He leaned away from me. His full lips were swollen and red with desire. "You asked me why I came here, and no it wasn't to deflower you."

I scoffed.

"I improvised the kiss. But I didn't improvise this." Emmett handed me a folded piece of paper, which looked like a check. "I hope that you raised a lot of money for Dylan." Emmett nodded. "Well my work is done, and thank you for the kiss, we have to do that more often."

I watched as he walked away from me, the moonlight falling down on his perfect form. I should be angry that he stole a kiss, I should chase after him and tackle him to the ground, and mess up that pectoral muscle some more, but I couldn't. I breathed inwards still feeling his lips on mine, and I opened the check.

My mouth dropped. Emmett wrote a check out to Alice's charity for _1,000 dollars._

**Make my day and review! **


	11. Possession

**AN**: Hey guys! I'm sorry that this update took _sooo_ long! I had the misfortune of having to take out all my wisdom teeth this week, so as much as I wanted to write, the pain and swollen cheeks wouldn't allow me :( I do feel better now, slightly, which is why I'm back with the Thanksgiving update I promised. I know that some of you have expressed worry about Edward/Emmett, and of course Jake not really being there for Edward, when Edward needed him the most, but I think this chapter will really give you guys some answers to what was going on in Jake's messed up head. I hope you guys like this chapter, because I enjoyed writing it. **YTRALS**- POV is point of view :) **Anatin123**- Sure, you can pimp my story. I'm honored that you would even ask. **Tash**- I really pushed for an update on the 19th, but my wisdom teeth completely messed with me. I have full intentions of Rosalie softening to Alice once she gets to know her, Rosalie is only mean to Alice, because she associates Alice with Jasper, and at the moment Rosalie is choosing to pick on him. Thank you everyone that reviewed the last chapter because it was an 'emotional roller coaster' it set up everything for this chapter, that and Emmett. So you guys asked for a little smut with turkey day? Hehe, I can do that...but dreams will have to do for now. Thank you all for your lovely reviews. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone that celebrates it...I'll be back in December...or maybe a little before ;) –Love, Maddie.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. _Martin_ isn't mine, and the lyrics to "Find Me" belong to Boyce Avenue.

Chapter 11- Possession

--Jacob--

I could feel him in my bones. His presence was _everywhere_.

When our eyes connected I wanted to literally attack him. My feelings for him, these undefined urges to wrap him up in my arms, and kiss him until daybreak rode in, were only intensifying. I didn't know why, or how? But it was impossible to think that I could control them anymore. Edward Cullen was everything that I wasn't. He had a good heart, a genuinely good heart, and I knew that he would keep my deepest and darkest secrets if I asked him too. I wanted to tell him everything that was on my mind, but I didn't know where to start, because my thoughts were so conflicted.

I still didn't even understand my feelings, but they remained in the back of my subconscious. Like a dull ache they appeared whenever I saw him pull off his shirt, or just recently the masochistic urge to beat myself up after he came out, and I _left_ him. Every chance I got in between waking and sleeping I wondered what I could've done differently. Maybe I should've talked to him? Took a seat on his bed, shut my mouth, and just listened. But if I did that what would've been the outcome?

How could I just listen to that fucking beautiful boy tell me that he was gay, and not say anything at all? It was impossible. I would've given myself away that night, which was why I had to leave. I knew deep down that I had made the right choice. Edward was gay, and that only complicated my life further.

If he wanted me as much as I wanted him, what was to keep us apart? We _lived_ together. He teased me with his smile, tortured me with his voice, and graced me with his eloquence 24/7, this was a battle I couldn't win. The only question now was when would I give in? I wanted him. A part of me believed that I needed him to be whole, but I still couldn't accept that I was gay?

How could I be? Before Edward came along with his voodoo, I was in love with Leah, and I _still_ am. She made me feel whole and complete and I had even dreamt once of us getting married and having kids. I had pictured it all. Leah was the mean parent, she grounded the kids for weeks, while I secretly let them off the hook. That life felt right, normal, and I could see myself happy.

But of course I never told Leah this. I was Jacob Black. Kids weren't supposed to be a prerogative right now, but instead football, school, and finding my place in this world. But this time alone has really forced me to concentrate on what I wanted. And I wanted two things. I wanted Leah and I wanted Edward.

And I knew that I couldn't have both.

My confusion was multilayered because if Edward and I ever got together I knew that my life would change drastically. I would have to explain to my family and friends why I wanted to be with a _dude_. I knew Paul and possibly Embry might turn their backs on me, and Rachel under Brent's influence would consider me a freak of nature.

I couldn't even fathom what Leah's reaction would be. I didn't want to think about that now.

For the last few hours I had been mindlessly watching reruns of _Martin_. At least I could count on _Martin_ to make me laugh when everything seemed so dire. I fell back against my pillow and folded my arms behind my head. _I hurt_. Everything inside of me was collapsing. I got to a point sometimes where I couldn't pretend anymore that everything was okay. I was fucked up inside and this was where beer, or gin, whatever alcohol was nearby was supposed to numb me.

But I couldn't drink. I had promised Edward that I wouldn't, and I had already come so close, after that night he came out. I flashed back to the bar a week ago. The air was clouded with cigarette smoke, and slow Country music was playing in the background. Drinks were all around me and my mouth was watering for a Budweiser, but then I saw him, like this fucking angel of grace, Edward appeared in my mind, telling me not to do it.

And I didn't drink that night because his presence was so overwhelming.

_"Are you trying to kill me?"_

_Uggh_. That idiotic line. I closed my eyes and massaged my temples. Whenever I got a second of downtime that quote always resurfaced to hunt me.

There was a knock on the door. I was thankful for company right now, because my thoughts were unwelcoming. "It's open."

"Hey J,"

I sat up. "Leah?" She wasn't the company I wanted.

"Are you okay?" she asked closing the door behind her.

"Yeah," I sat up and tried to look as casual as possible.

She walked over to my bed and took a seat. "Are you going home for Thanksgiving tomorrow."

I thought it over.

"C'mon," Leah swatted my shoulder. "I am not going home if you're not."

"Don't base your decision on me."

"Rachel invited Sue and Seth over which means that we would be eating with Brent, and I hate that man so much I could spit. I refuse to go over there unless you're with me to make fun of his ass."

I smiled a little, "Paul will be there."

Leah wrinkled her nose, "Paul will be there, but he'll be kissing Rachel's ass like a little bitch." She curled her legs upwards. Leah looked down and tucked her dark hair behind her ear. There was a second of silence. "Ohh _Martin's_ on." She squeezed my arm, "Give me a Sheneneh quote."

"Leah I'm not in the mood."

"C'mon big head." She coerced. "What are you in the mood for? Sitting around and sulking?"

I sighed. She probably wouldn't get off my back until I gave her a quote. "You can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta my face."

Leah cackled wickedly. "God I _love_ her, and your Sheneneh impersonations are so funny." She pretended to pick at long curved nails and then pushed my face away with her palm. "It's all about the attitude."

"I think you two have that in common. So you don't have anything better to do on a Wednesday night?" I teased a little.

"Not really. My biggest priority right now is figuring out what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving." She shrugged. "I was thinking that if we don't spend it with our whacky families, then you, Seth, and I could eat at the pancake house again."

I grinned thoughtfully. "That was a _sad_ Thanksgiving."

"No it wasn't." she sounded almost offended. "All the pancakes you could eat, butter and syrup overflowing, and laughter." Leah arched an eyebrow at me, "That was one of the best Thanksgivings I ever had. It was just _us_ then." She snickered, "Remember how we stayed until close! They hated us, which is why our last batch of pancakes were practically crumbs."

"How is Seth?" I diverged. My thoughts weren't on a solid path.

Leah's eyebrows knitted together. "He's behaving." She elbowed me, "If you're in a funk about him, don't worry. Seth is resilient, especially when it comes to you."

I nodded slowly, "Well I'm still undecided about Thanksgiving but I promise that we'll spend it together."

"You promise?" Leah asked latching onto my arm.

"I swear to you Leah Clearwater." I pushed myself upwards. I needed to get out of the dorm room.

"Where are you going Jake?" she asked from my bed.

"I need some air. I've been in here all day, _studying_." I lied.

Leah nodded understandingly. "Sure, I just wanted to stop by and see if you wanted to talk." She smiled sweetly. "I may not listen often, but you know I always hear what you have to say Jake."

"I know and I love you for that."

Her eyes softened at the mention of _love_. I probably shouldn't have used that word, even if I felt it. I winced and grabbed my athletic bag. "You can stay here if you want Leah, I'll be back in like an hour or two."

She shook her head. "No thanks. If I wanted to sit in a dorm alone, then I would've stayed in mine." Leah patted my chest on the way out. "Just let me know what's up for tomorrow okay. Pancake house, your house, or Big Mac's with fries tomorrow."

***

The gym was deserted. Alternative music played in the background. I was lifting weights with my back turned to the door. I heard the door open and then a familiar voice interrupted my workout.

"Are you trying to _kill_ me?"

I stopped what I was doing and placed down the weights. Immediate irritation overtook me.

Emmett chuckled merrily behind me. "Well seeing that you're not dead yet, I guess he didn't kill you."

I clenched my jaw.

"Jacob, Jacob, Jacob," He placed down his gym bag beside me. "What's going on dude? It's been a while since we hung out, and shared all the latest juicy gossip."

"Not now Emmett." I warned.

Emmett snickered, "What's wrong Jake? You seem really _peeved_. PMS got you down? "

"I wasn't on edge until your bitch ass walked in here." I growled through gritted teeth.

"No need for violence." Emmett placed his hand to his heart. "Why can't we all just live in peace? I come in the name of love, bearing a halo, and boxing gloves just in case you're in the mood to wrestle."

I narrowed my eyes at Emmett. His punk ass wasn't even worth my time. Just as I was about to brush past him I remembered that he had used _my_ words against me. Meaning that Edward _must've_ said something to him. My head started to spin a little. I didn't like the idea of Edward talking to Emmett alone, and even worse about me. I tried to hide the fact that I was bothered, because I would discuss that with Edward and not Emmett.

"So where is Edward Cullen?" Emmett asked his dropping to a husky whisper.

"I don't know where he is, but I'm sure he's not thinking about you."

Emmett smiled crookedly, "Really? Because I'm pretty sure that I left a lasting impression when I kissed him."

My jaw tensed.

"Oh?" Emmett placed his hands to his mouth. "He didn't tell you."

"Get the fuck out of my face you idiot."

"I kissed him Jake, and he didn't even bother to push me away. Looks like you got some competition."

I balled my fists and I was compelled with this urge to beat Emmett into a bloody pulp. This was a game to him. All of it. He didn't love Edward. He just wanted to use him, fuck him, because for some reason Emmett knew how much I was attached to Edward.

"Did you ever consider that maybe he's getting tired of waiting for you?" Emmett accused. "While you wait to make up your mind, have you considered that maybe he's getting bored. You can't have them both."

"Don't act like you fucking know me you son of a bitch." I hissed at him. I got into Emmett's face in a defensive stance. "Is your life so fucking pathetic that you got to go out of your way to destroy everyone else's?"

"I don't want to destroy _his_ life." Emmett said. "That's going to be your job."

I narrowed my eyes in silence.

"At the end of the day you're never going to choose him. "

I grabbed my athletic bag. Instead of fighting him I was just going to leave. His words cut me to the bone. How dare he insinuate that I was going to hurt Edward. He didn't know shit!

Emmett grabbed me by the arm.

My whole body started to shake. I was questioning why he was so absorbed with Edward. My gut told me that this was becoming more than just a game to Emmett. There was something in pursuing Edward for him too. And that gut feeling told me that it was more than lust. I refused to believe that a _barbarian_ like Emmett could actually be capable of love, but the thought of him and Edward made me sick.

Edward wouldn't do that to me.

"Why don't you get down from your throne for a second Mr. Maryland and see what the fuck you're doing. You got Leah on one arm, and Edward on the other, who do you think is going to get hurt here. _Him_."

"Get your filthy hands off of me before I break every one of your fucking fingers." I snipped. I got ready to throw my gym bag to the floor, but Emmett let me go.

Emmett's eyes darkened. "I wish you would try boy. Give me the reason to whip your ass from here to Idaho."

We stared each other down intensely. I dared him to raise a fist or say another word to me. Emmett returned my threatening invitation with an impassive smile.

"How about we make a little bet my Native American friend."

I snarled back at him.

"When you break Edward's heart I promise to be there to pick up the pieces."

"Just stay the fuck away from him Emmett, and yes that is a threat."

"And if I don't?"

"Then I'll come down on you. And I'll come down on you _hard._" I warned.

***

I took a hot shower. The hot water burned my skin. I had to make a choice. It was as simple as that.

I stood underneath the steady flow of rain for a good twenty minutes before I killed the rush of water. Leah or Edward. Edward or Leah. Hell, I didn't even know if Edward wanted me, and if he did, what would we be? _Boyfriends_. The thought didn't make me cringe as much as I thought it would have.

I could be his boyfriend if that meant keeping our love between us. I didn't want anyone to know that we were dating, if it ever came to that. I could love him...heck, I already did love him, and a part of me felt like I owed it to myself to see where we could take this.

The thought twisted in my stomach like a snake. I still couldn't believe that I was actually considering this, but there was urgency behind everything because of Emmett. He was poison and I didn't want that poisonous leech anywhere near Edward.

I opened the door and I saw Edward sitting on his bed. His guitar was in his lap and he was singing something softly. As soon as I walked in he stopped singing. This irrational jealous urge overtook me. I wanted to ask him if he had kissed Emmett and why? I knew he wasn't stupid enough to trust that guy.

Why the fuck would he kiss Emmett.

But the approach was wrong. Emmett being the opportunist he was probably took full advantage of me being MIA. I dried myself off. Edward placed his guitar back in its case. "What are you doing tomorrow for turkey day?" I broke the silence.

I was going to try and talk about anything but Emmett.

Edward's green eyes quickly flitted towards me. "I don't know. Alice wants to cook Thanksgiving dinner in the community kitchen." He gave me my favorite lopsided grin.

"_What_?" I asked trying to squeeze some humor into my voice. "The most action that community kitchen sees is Ramen noodles. I highly doubt that kitchen is equipped to cook a whole turkey and some sweet potato pie."

Edward rolled his eyes, "Alice cooks up plots, and believe me she'll find a way to make it work."

I dropped my towel. I was naked now. Edward looked at me briefly, his cheeks reddened, and then he looked away. There was a different energy in the room. I felt it every time we looked into each other's eyes. I grabbed for some boxer briefs and a wife beater. "My sister wants me to come home for the weekend."

"Then you should." Edward commented absently. "You should be with your family."

"My family is all kinds of fucked up." Edward didn't respond to that comment. We needed to talk. Conversation wouldn't be natural between us again, until I apologized for my actions, that night he came out. After I got dressed I sat on the bed beside him. "We need to talk." I let out in one rush of air.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed contemplatively.

I was sure that he didn't know what to expect from me, and that was perfectly reasonable. With him I was always stuck between giving off the illusion of being okay, and showing my real self. I folded my hands together.

"Sometimes I feel like we totally get each other. You're right Edward, we have a connection that I can never share with anyone else. You make me take a step back and really look at myself...and I have to admit that I don't always like what I see." I swallowed and rubbed my hands together.

All I could hear in the stillness was his steady breaths.

"What I did...that night you came out. I'm not proud of it." I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes, because if I saw the slightest tinge of pain then I might break down. He told me that he would hurt himself 1,000 times before he hurt me, and I would do the same. "I'm a reactionist, a hot-head..." I paused and smiled a little, "Is reactionist a word?"

"It _is_ a word, but I'm pretty sure you meant it in a different context." Edward said softly. He looked down and grinned as if we had just shared a private joke. After a few moments his eyes found mine again.

I stared deeply into his green orbs. I needed him to hear me, and understand that despite my actions, I cared about him a great deal. "I'll never turn my back on you."

Edward looked down.

"Hey," I daringly reached out and cupped his chin. My hands shook violently.

Edward tilted his head to the side, his eyes were so loving and calm.

"I'm torn." I admitted. "Between two things I want very much."

Edward took my hand in his. He squeezed it. "Why are you torn?" The slightest hint of his southern accent flared. He kept his eyes trained on me now.

I smiled weakly, "Because I'm not the happy guy I pretend to be. I am messed up." I closed my eyes and looked away. "Every other word out of my mouth tends to be a lie, and I lie because I don't want to play the dark and twisty card. I believe in moving on and making the best with what you got, but sometimes it's so hard..." Edward squeezed my hand tighter.

"You're way too hard on yourself." He said.

I sucked in a mouthful of air. "This question is coming out of left field but I need to know the answer."

Edward immediately looked hopeful. "You can ask me anything."

I swallowed down the bile. "Do you like Emmett?"

Edward seemed taken aback. "What do you mean by like him?"

My lip twitched, "Could you love him."

Edward loosened his grip on my hand. "Err...right now. At this moment I would have to say no." He chuckled and shook his head as if my question was ridiculous. "I can't love someone without trusting them."

"Do you trust me."

"_Wholly_." He answered my question without blinking.

My heart lurched. I looked down at our hands entwined. For a few seconds, I allowed myself to think that I could do this. I could be with him. And then I pulled my hand free. "How long have you known you were gay?"

His cheeks reddened.

"I won't judge you, I swear."

Edward stared into my eyes. I assumed that he was reminding himself that he could trust me, despite my inability to be there for him lately. "I've known ever since I was a kid." He licked his red lips. "In kindergarten I had a friend named Evan and I made a ring for him and asked him to marry me."

I grinned gently. "And what did Evan do?"

Edward shrugged, "I don't remember but Evan moved away in 2nd grade. I was heartbroken." Edward's eyes twinkled, "And then Marcus came along."

I couldn't help but to laugh along with him. "You moved fast."

Edward draped his arm over his knee. "Can I ask _you_ a question Jake?"

I wasn't as quick to agree as he was, but I did nod hesitantly.

"Why did you ask me if I was in love with Emmett?"

I bit my lip. "Emmett likes to use people for his own personal gain..."

Edward raised his hand cutting me off, "I can handle Emmet, so you don't have to worry about _him_ using me."

I nodded slowly.

"So now that we're talking...are you going to let me in?" Edward asked.

"It's a messed up world in my head." I chuckled. "If I let you in I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Start from wherever then. Give me some of the mess." Edward placed his hands on my arm. "Let me straighten it out."

I leaned onto my arm bringing my body away from his a little. "So you're gay."

"I am," Edward said with a slow nod.

"Have you ever been in love? Like completely, not 2nd grade love, but the real thing."

Edward let out a rush of air, "Yeah I have, and it's a bitch."

"What did it feel like?"

"You mean what _does_ it feel like?" Edward corrected.

"Yeah..." I whispered. "Present tense."

"It's self sacrificing. Damning. Losing yourself for the sake of another. Waking up and wondering how many different ways you could hurt yourself in love's name, and it's pathetic."

His words felt exclusively reserved for me. My heart ached painfully.

"But love also makes every day more colorful. And love fills me with life." Edward's red lips formed a heart-rending smile. "Sorry love makes me all poetic because it's pretty foreign to me."

"I still don't understand how love can be foreign to you."

"_Easy_. Girls lose their minds around me, and guys are intimidated, or straight."

"Well good. Less competition."

"What?"

My eyes widened. _Fuck_. "Nothing," My cheeks burned. "Alice can come to Thanksgiving dinner at mi casa, and she can bring Bella and Jasper." I masterfully changed the subject there. _Good job me_.

Edward nodded. "I'll mention it to Alice. But once again she's on a mission to turn the community kitchen into her Thanksgiving quarters."

I nodded slowly. "Well if you're not in the mood for Ramen Turkey, and spaghettios then you're more than welcome to eat dinner with my family."

"Thank you," Edward said. His mind was obviously elsewhere. I wondered if he was dissecting our prior conversation, and trying to make sense of my curse of being everywhere at once. After a while I noticed that Edward was starting to drift. I lowered the volume on the TV and rested my hand against my cheek.

I could only play dumb for so long before the truth came crashing down on me. It was here, right in front of my face, and I couldn't ignore it. Emmett had pointed it out to me, and Edward had just skipped around it. Edward _loved_ me. And I didn't understand why, because he was so above me, but I wasn't going to question it.

I laid down beside Edward sharing a pillow with him. His chest rose up and down slowly. He looked peaceful and beautiful. _Like an angel_. My eyelids grew heavy and I closed my eyes.

I just wanted to lay here with him. I didn't want to think about Emmett, or what our love meant, whether it was damned from the start, or if it could flourish, I just wanted to _be_, and not think.

Just be. _Him and me_.

***

_I parked the Jaguar on the cliff overlooking the city. Soft 80's music was blasting and Edward was singing along to 'All I Want' by Toad the Wet Sprocket. I killed the engine and smiled in amusement as he continued to sing with his eyes shut tightly. I leaned forward and circled my hand around his wrist. Edward opened his eyes. I tilted my head towards the backseat inviting him for a midnight rendezvous. His eyes twinkled mischievously and he nodded._

_ I crawled in the back seat first, and he slipped in after me. Hungrily I gripped onto his shirt and pulled him towards me, leaving him no time to get adjusted. Edward came without a fight, I pressed my nose against his, and stared into his eyes. "Do you want to do this here?"_

_ He grunted a feverish yes and grabbed my dick._

_ I moaned and placed my hand to the side of his face. Edward found my fingers and sucked gently on them. Fire was in his eyes. He wanted to have sex just as much as I did. Quickly I pulled my hands out of his mouth and flipped him onto his back. We didn't have much space in the Jag, but I was determined to make this work._

_ Edward bit his lip as he impatiently pulled at my belt and jeans. "Take it off," he murmured._

_ I silenced him with a passionate kiss. Edward jerked his body up towards mine, his hands had undid my belt, and now I could feel him working off my shirt. His fingertips were cold like ice and sent shivers down my spine. I kicked off my jeans. He grabbed my ass and squeezed hard._

_ "Fuck me," he whispered in my ear._

_ Ecstasy traveled up my spine as Edward spread his legs as wide as they could go._

_ "You want me to fuck you?" I repeated tauntingly._

_ "Yeah," Edward whimpered a little. "Slide your dick inside of me."_

_ Fuck he was really setting me off. I found his lips again and kissed him with raw passion. His tongue flicked against mine, and I leaned in hungrily capturing his lips, and crushing mine against his. His cock was rock hard against my stomach. _

_ Edward circled his hands around my dick and he started to jerk me off. I tilted my head back and groaned in agonizing pleasure. I pushed myself upwards, resting my hands against the seat and brought my dick to his sweet lips. _

_ His beautiful green eyes gazed up at me as he flicked his tongue against the tip. He smiled and played around with my pre cum, seeing how far the thin clear strand could go from my dick to his lips, and then he closed his mouth over me._

_ I shivered, my body washing over with love and lust and every emotion in between. Edward easily swallowed my dick whole. He was truly skilled at cock sucking. Damn. My body convulsed as he rocked his head back and forth, swallowing me over and over again. Fuck. I grabbed onto his hair and gently jerked his head around unable to ignore how good it felt to be getting head by him. _

_ "Mmm," I moaned as I pulled my dick out of his mouth. I gave him one single kiss on the lips. He reached for my dick again and opened his mouth. "No," I smiled gently and kissed him. "I want your ass."_

_ We both laughed._

_ "Now let's get off some of your clothes." I took off his black shirt and sprayed a few kisses from his pale neck, to his ridiculously ripped abs. I rarely saw him working out, so it was a wonder that his body was this damn perfect. I kissed his treasure trail leading up to his navel and then I traveled back upwards to his neck._

_ His skin glowed flawlessly underneath the full moon. I opened my mouth and sucked on his neck, fully intending to leave my mark on him. He was mine, and I was his. Edward's jeans were off a few minutes later. Now he was wearing nothing but his black Chucks. _

_ I reached for his legs and held then up as I slid my throbbing cock inside his ass. He was so tight. Edward winced. I closed my eyes and allowed the heaven of being deep inside of him to consume me. Edward bit his lip and his cheeks reddened as I fucked him. I moved slowly at first, and then I picked up speed. His ass slammed against my thighs as I pounded him._

_ "J...Jacob," he groaned._

_ Edward then said something else I didn't recognize._

_ I was fucking him so good he was talking in tongues._

_ My body reached the height of ecstasy and I started to shake. I drove my cock deeper into him, thrusting violently, as he circled his hands around my arms. I was going to come. Edward reached around and grabbed my ass, keeping me in, as if he never wanted to part from this position. I exploded inside of him, my cock jerking, as I filled him with my seed._

***

I woke up breathless, and drenched in my own sweat. My side of the room looked different? When did the TV get on my side of the room and...I raised my head and my stomach churned uneasily when I realized that I was _still_ in Edward's bed. He was sleeping securely in my arms and his hands were hooked tightly in mine.

Something else was strange here. I swore that during the dream last night I had came. I considered easing my hand out of Edward's but I didn't want to wake him just yet, so I pulled back the covers with my free hand and looked underneath. _Shit_. The front of my boxer briefs was soaked with a dark stain, along with the back of Edward's underwear because he was so close to me.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Alice cheered from outside. She knocked a few times. "C'mon guys you can't sleep in on Thanksgiving!"

My eyes widened in horror. _Fuck no_. Why the hell was she up so damn early? I tried to get away from Edward without waking him up, but my attempts failed. His eyelids fluttered open and he stretched out his arms, hitting me in the face.

"Oww,"

"Oh," He quickly drew back and looked at me stunned. "Sorry I didn't know you were..." He smiled. "In my _bed_."

How could he not feel my dick poking him in the back. I was hard as fuck, and I had embarrassingly jizzed all over his boxers. Our eyes met and I didn't know what to say so I quickly crawled over him. I threw on some sweatpants and a sweater and opened the door for Alice.

"Happy Thanksgiving Jake," she chirped.

It was positively _unholy_ to be this perky in the morning.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I murmured back.

The pixie skipped gracefully past me to her twin brother. "Edward, Bella and I are going to the store to stock up on food for the homeless shelter down the street. Did you want to come."

His beautiful green eyes fixed on me. I stood behind Alice sheepishly wanting him to go. I needed some time to think through everything. Yesterday I had been ballsy and confident, asking him questions about the guys he crushed on, and _Emmett_, but this morning I was nervous again.

I didn't know what I was doing, but underneath everything I knew that this didn't feel wrong. That feeling still remained that told me that I cared too much to let him end up with Emmett.

_Emmett_.

Subconsciously, I realized that my thoughts about Edward and I being _together_, had intensified since my run in with Emmett.

_Everything went back to him_.

I scratched the back of my head wondering if jealousy was overruling love here. That was concerning.

***

When Alice kidnapped Edward to go shopping I went to do laundry. I needed to do something besides pace around my room like a maniac, analyzing everything. As I stood over the washing machine, Leah stepped in as if on cue.

"I see great minds think alike," she commented quirkily. "Thanksgiving is just another day for laundry."

"Hey." I tilted my head towards my pile of laundry. "Not for me. This pile has been sitting since September. Thanksgiving _is_ the day for laundry here." If Edward didn't sneak some of my clothes into his wash frequently, then I knew I would've been forced to come here sooner.

Leah wrinkled her nose, "No wonder I smelled that stench coming down the hall. Whoo boy, smells like old goat milk and pork rinds." Leah tilted her head to the side and smiled beautifully, "And Paul's _Gran's feet_."

"Whoo, hush puppies." I teased shaking my head. "Now that's a wretched smell."

Leah giggled. "You look better than you did last night."

"Clearwater am I going to have to start paying you for your services?" I cocked an eyebrow and reached for the Clorox.

Her lips pursed, "Idiot what are you doing?"

"Idiot? Don't call me an idiot you demon girl."

She crossed her arms, "What are you washing Jake?"

"Colors," I said all knowingly.

"Well unless you want your colors to be blotched, I suggest that you put down the Clorox, and pick up the _Gain for colors_." She moved over to me and playfully swatted me out of the way. "Hmm," she grabbed the Clorox and reached for the Gain. "Luckily you have me to keep you from walking around this campus looking stupid."

I smiled a little. My chest tightening.

"You ran out of time Jake. Seth begged me to come home, so I'm going to crazy town with or without you." Her lips curved into a smile as she capped the lid. "I'm bringing my orthopedic shoes, because you know how we transform into old burdened people when we go back there."

I grinned staring deep into her eyes.

My decision was already made, "I'm coming home too. I hate Brent, but I love Rachel's sweet potato pie."

"Shut your mouth." Leah joked. "I'm all about the Virginia Ham."

I rubbed my stomach. "_Get in my belly_."

We grinned and laughed about jokes that would only be funny to us. Leah stayed with me for a while making sure I washed my clothes correctly. She of course called me names left and right, but I retorted calling her Devil's Bride, Demonlicious, and Leah Chewbacca. We could be very immature, but that's what I liked about her, and us, when we were together. She understood when I was hurt, and she kind of cured me with laughter, her smile, and her hidden good heart.

Leah could be mean as fuck, but underneath the layers of evil, she was truly good.

***

"Woah he washed some clothes." Edward said when I returned to the room. He had since showered and he was wearing a royal blue American Eagle sweater, and jeans. Somehow he must've managed to escape Alice's clutches sooner than she intended.

"I know, the world is ending." I joked a little. I avoided his pretty eyes because I knew they would be full of questions that I couldn't answer yet. I opened my drawer and placed some clothes inside. "Did you ask your sister and Bella about coming to Thanksgiving dinner with my family?"

"Yeah I did, but Jasper and Alice are going to be at the shelter until two, and Bella's dad, Charlie, surprised her by flying into town." Edward responded.

"Oh," I said casually. "So they're accounted for but what about you?" I daringly glanced over my shoulder at him.

Edward's eyes were trained on the floor. "I don't know."

"Come home with me." I suggested. He had every reason to say no, and as confused as I was, I shouldn't even be asking him to come with me. I didn't have any answers yet for him, but I knew in his absence, my confusion would eat me alive.

Our eyes met. I swallowed and continued on. My heart was beating unevenly.

"Just say yes." I pressured with minimal effort.

"_Yes_," Edward said with a small smile.

_Our fate was sealed_.

***

Edward got on my motorcycle behind me.

"Do we need to go over another riding lesson?" I asked him.

"No," Edward said placing his hands on my waist. "I'm becoming a pro at riding."

My cheeks flushed and I pushed down the urge to make a sexual comment back. Edward had to be thinking something was up, I was hot and cold with him, and I had practically begged him to come home with me. I just wanted him near, and as unexplainable as it was, I had started a cycle that I couldn't break free from.

He wrapped his arms tighter around me.

I inhaled and turned on the kill switch.

I felt Edward bring his body closer.

"You okay Cullen?" I asked him before starting the ignition.

"I'm good," he said.

As he held onto me I realized that I wasn't ready to go home. Everyone would be there, people would be staring, and all I would do was want to be alone with him. We still needed to talk, and resolve things. I was confused and my mind was spinning a mile a minute. I needed Edward to slow everything down for me. And not until then would I be able to enjoy Thanksgiving.

"We're not going to go straight to my house. I'm kidnapping you."

"That's fine with me." Edward said just before I took off.

***

Jimmy Beans Pancake House was a small little restaurant located in Old Ellicott City. The name was funny, but the pancakes were delicious. Edward and I sat across from each other. He was looking with unwavering interest at the menu and I was staring at him. I already knew what I was going to order anyways...the chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream, which was the same thing I had ordered since I was a kid. My parents used to always take me and my sisters to this place. "Do you see anything you like?" I asked.

I was shaking and I couldn't stop.

Edward's face was so red. "I was thinking I might get the blueberry pancakes and some milk?"

Barry White was playing in the background making the atmosphere overwhelmingly romantic. I nodded slowly and rubbed my hands together. The only anxiety that I could compare this moment to was the bundle of nerves that I was right before a game. Walking onto the field and not knowing which way things were going to go. Would we win or lose, and if we lost, would it be me that totally fucked up the game for everyone.

I realized that Edward was staring at me now.

"I wasn't ready to go home yet." I said quickly. I didn't know what other conversation to initiate.

He nodded.

"Everyone will be asking me questions about school and the football season, and I don't have any answers."

Edward's eyebrows knitted together, "You always have the answers Jake."

I scoffed. "I wish." I reached for a saltshaker and distracted myself by playing with it. "I don't have _any_ answers." I stole a glance at him. My heart was thumping, and the look in his eyes was drenched in compassion. "I know that I can confide in you..." My voice was shaky, "But I need you to remind me."

Edward unexpectedly stood up. I held my breath as he slid into the booth beside me. My heart literally stopped now that he was so close. I could feel him in my bones again, and this intense feeling that we were meant to be together, even if it was for a cruel second overwhelmed me. I never knew what it felt like to be burned by something you couldn't have until now, because when I wanted something I usually got it.

But Edward was giving me third degree burns all over my body.

He made me irrational. I got jealous whenever I saw him with Emmett, and even occasionally Bella. And I pushed aside Leah and Seth for him, even though I loved them both more than _myself_. He made me falter, but yet with him I felt so strong, and more in control than I had felt in a while.

Pain was pleasure when it came to Edward Cullen and I was fucking bleeding all over the place.

Our eyes stared into each other's, emptying the space between us. He was silent and I could feel his calming presence washing over me. I felt like maybe this whole mess could end up okay. Edward placed his hand on my knee. I felt like I was going to breakdown. My walls were crashing around me and I was so fucking exposed. I couldn't run or flee, and even if I did, I knew he would chase me.

"I'm so confused." I whispered to him. There was no use in pretending to be strong right now.

Edward's long eyelashes fluttered over his cheeks as he closed his eyes. He reached his other hand underneath the table and took my hand in his. "I can give you ten reasons why you can trust me, but you already know _one_, the most important one."

"Maybe we shouldn't be here either." I said gently. "Because I have a feeling that something might happen that I can't control."

"Fuck control," Edward said softly into my ear.

I cautiously looked around instinctively making sure no one was watching us. Edward seemed to notice this because he backed away a little.

"Hey can I get you two started with a plate of pancakes or something to drink?" Our bubbly waitress asked sneaking up out of nowhere. She had permanent wide eyes, almost like a deer in headlights. Her eyes creeped me out.

"Yeah," I closed my menu and handed it to her. "I'll have the chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream." I saw Edward smile wistfully from the corner of my eye, "And he'll have the blueberry pancakes with milk on the side."

"Okay coming right up." She chirped.

"So are we going to your house at all?" Edward asked starting up conversation again.

"Eventually, I still want turkey. But I just want to wait until everyone leaves. I'm feeling very anti-social," I breathed. I looked into his eyes, "But the anti-social bubble doesn't include you. Even when you're confusing the fuck out of me, being around you is effortless."

Edward smiled. "That's always good to know."

***

When we got to my house dusk was pulling in. The air was chilly and brisk, and the stars were already lined up in the sky. I shoved my hands in my jacket as I walked alongside Edward. He was gazing upwards at the stars as if he was trying to differentiate the constellations.

Inside Rachel was cleaning the kitchen and Brent was parked in the den watching classic football. He turned around to look at me.

"Rach, he's here." Brent announced.

The sink turned off and Rachel walked into the entranceway to greet me.

"Jake I thought you weren't coming?" Rachel wrapped me into a warm hug.

I closed my eyes and hugged her back. "I was...I just had some other things to do before." I tilted my head towards Edward, "Rachel, this is Edward, you met him a while ago."

"Of course I remember Edward." Rachel hugged him too. "Take off your shoes boys, and wash your hands. There is just enough food left for..._fifteen_ more." She smiled brightly.

It was good to see Rachel smile. Holidays were her favorite days of the year. She was like mom in that sense, going all out for Thanksgiving, and trying to bring cheer to everyone that stopped by. The good thing about Holidays were that they were days where you could forget everything.

After Edward and I washed our hands Rachel insisted that we take a seat at the table. I watched as she busied herself around the kitchen, I would offer to help, but I knew that she didn't want my help. Rachel loaded my plate with turkey, homemade macaroni and cheese, greens, fresh buttered rolls, rice and beans, and cranberry sauce. My mouth was watering.

Rachel placed the plate down in front of me.

"Eat every last drop," she said.

"Believe me I will." I was about to start digging in but then I saw Edward's eyes on my plate. He was trying to be polite and wait his turn, but I knew that he had barely touched his pancakes at Jimmy Beans. He was probably starved.

"Edward take a look at Jake's plate and tell me what you want." Rachel said folding her hands.

"Everything," Edward said with a sheepish smile. "Just a little smaller proportions, please."

My cheeks flushed. It felt good to have Edward here in my house, and even better to be eating Thanksgiving dinner with him. I could tell that Rachel liked him by the way she nodded approvingly whenever she asked him anything.

"Too many greens?"

"That's enough, thank you."

"More turkey?"

"Yes please."

"Edward you are so polite." Rachel gushed as she sat a plate of food in front of him. "If only Jake had your manners." She rolled her eyes playfully and drummed her hands on my shoulders. "I'm going to go watch the rest of the football game with Brent. Call me if you guys need anything...and oh, there is iced tea in the freezer."

"Thanks mama Rachel." I teased. "But _pops_ got it from here."

Edward snickered.

I was in a slightly better mood now that Edward was in my house and it was just _us_. I slid towards the fridge on my socks. Edward turned around and smirked. He was chewing on some turkey. "What do you want to drink?" I asked him.

"Juice me," Edward said.

I tilted my head to the side, "Apple or Orange,"

"OJ,"

I grabbed the orange juice for him and the pitcher of tea for me and made my way back to the table. While we ate I carefully avoiding all conversation about us and feelings and told Edward stories about past Thanksgivings.

"So you guys used to get under the table. You, Rachel, Paul and Seth and camp out underneath the table while your parents cooked?"

I snickered, "Yeah back then Paul didn't have _rabies_. We liked being around all the smells, and as soon as my mom or Rachel left the kitchen we would take turns picking at the food like birds. We usually ended up being full by the end of the night."

Edward smiled just before taking a bite of a roll. His eyes lit up, like the roll was beyond anything he had ever tasted before.

"Doesn't the flavor just explode in your mouth. That's what I call a sex roll."

His cheeks reddened. "A sex roll? Well if it's wrong to like this roll, then I don't want to be right."

I bit my lip and looked down. I should remember my boundaries.

***

Edward and I went upstairs after dinner. The second Rachel heard plates and silverware gathering, she rushed into the kitchen, cut us some sweet potato pie, and sent us away, so she could clean. Now we were in my room. I took a seat on my bed and Edward sat at my computer desk.

"So what do you think of my house?"

"I think..." he cocked his head to the side, "I think it's not so bad. I like Rachel."

I nodded slowly. My hunger was insatiable today. I sliced off a piece of pie and shoveled it into my mouth. "I like Rachel too, when Brent isn't getting in her way."

"Well he hasn't really said anything to me." Edward pointed out.

"Consider yourself lucky because once he starts talking all that comes out is hot air and gas that smells like _old eggs_."

The wind was howling fiercely outside. I glanced over my shoulder at the pitch-black night, the lights in Paul's house were on, and I could see him reading something to his Gran. Her hands were crossed serenely over her chest and she was rocking back and forth. I didn't want Paul to see me staring so I pulled down the blinds.

The shingles rattled on the roof. And then everything went pitch black around us.

"Fuck the power is out," I muttered. I dived underneath my bed. "Luckily I'm resourceful when it comes to blackouts. I dealt with them enough living on this fucking farm." I pulled out some matches and a few candles. Edward met me on the floor and he helped me light the candles. We spread them around the room so now the darkness was chased away with flickers of gold.

I took a seat on my bed.

Edward sat down beside me, "Thanks for inviting me over."

I nodded slowly, "You're welcome." I took in a deep breath and watched as he wrapped his hands tightly around his body. "Are you cold?"

"No I..."

I was hot so I took off my sweater and thrust it towards his chest. "Here,"

He smiled crookedly, "Err thanks."

I watched as he put my sweater over the one he already had on. "Is that effective."

"Yeah," he whispered. "Two sweaters does the job."

We grinned and my heart stalled. The light flicked across his frustratingly perfect features, I saw the flame dance in his eyes, and once again everything was quiet around us. I swallowed. "Edward,"

"Yeah Jake," His voice was patient.

_So many nights trying to hide it_

_But now I stay awake just pleading for more_

_To think this heart was divided_

_I'm losing sleep cause I can't ignore_

I folded my hands in my lap. "We're alone and there are so many things I want to say to you. I've been keeping it inside because I don't know how to express it." My heart hammered relentlessly against my chest. "I'm not good with words, words are your thing, not mine, but these are the most important words I've ever had to say." I licked my lips. "And I don't know how...or why, but when we're together my heart it aches." I looked down with difficulty, "And I'm still trying to figure out why?"

Edward's chest rose up and down as he took in steady breaths. I waited with bated breath for him to react. I honestly had no idea what he would say. The seconds ticked by like hours as I waited for those perfect red lips to move. Fucking say something Edward. Damn it, I'm making a fucking idiot out of myself. Telling you how much words mean...these words...skipping around the fact that I love you. _Say something_!

"So..." Edward looked down and he smiled beautifully. "Why are you so nervous?"

"Why wouldn't I be nervous?"

"Jake," Edward scooted closer to me. "I think you know that I've been in love with you since you first bumped into me." His hands were shaking but he spoke confidently. "I always had the words to tell you that, but I feared that you would...reject me."

The air in the room was escaping, and all the dancing flames made everything seem like it was on fire for a few moments. I couldn't breathe. Everything was spinning. Edward reached out and took my hand in his icy ones.

"I love you, and Jake loving you is enough."

"Shut up," I whispered.

Edward swallowed down whatever he was going to say next.

"I've just been so confused about everything. I'm not gay."

Edward nodded slowly. "Well then...why are you so confused?"

I glanced around the room and then back into his eyes. "Because of you. You and your voodoo. What kind of black magic do you southern boys do down there in Savannah?"

Edward giggled, he _giggled_, and it sounded so damn cute. "I don't know the first thing about voodoo." He took in another deep breath.

His laughter rung in my ears, mixing in with the wind beating against my window. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to get control of my thoughts again, but all I could feel was his touch. I opened my eyes and there he was.

"So why are you confused?" Edward egged on.

"You need me to _say_ the words."

"They're just words." He smiled crookedly again, a little more unsure than before.

_Feeling your touch all around_

_Peacefully hearing the sound_

_Of silence around us, so glad we found us this way_

"You know." I said with difficulty. "It's why I asked you to wear my sweater, even why I'm not back with Leah yet." I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling. "I...I _like_ you."

A smile like the sunrise broke across Edward's face.

"And that's all I can say right now. I _like_ you,"

Edward came closer so now his knee was touching mine. "If you're still unsure then we could test this out."

"Test it? Test it how?"

"Kiss me," Edward said.

My eyes widened. No I wasn't going to kiss him. Like it wasn't enough that I just confessed to crushing on him. That _was _enough. I wasn't going to kiss him. But then I was reminded that we were alone, we were in our own little world. No one would know what we did in privacy. No one. I trusted him. I trusted him with everything I had. So maybe I should kiss him? Maybe I would realize that our first kiss was a weed-induced fluke.

But he was the one that was high on Mary Jane, not me.

_Ugh. Mind shut the fuck up_.

"Okay," I said wiggling my hand from his grasp. "Kiss me...but you only get to first base okay. No Savannah witchcraft." I grinned a little trying to crack a joke. "Don't get too frisky."

Despite my failed attempt at humor I was shaking like a leaf. I _wanted_ him to kiss me. Edward came closer. He placed his hand to my heart.

"Slow that heart down before you have a heart attack on me." He wrinkled his nose.

I looked down at his hand on my heart, his fingers clutched the fabric of my tee shirt until it was bound tightly in his fist. He came closer and my eyelids shut.

_Find me, here in your arms_

_Now I'm wondering where you've always been_

_Blindly, I came to you_

_Knowing you'd breathe new life from within_

_Can't get enough of you_

Our lips crushed together like fire. I felt everything fade away, this room, the candles, everything, until it was just us. His lips danced forbiddingly, taking everything, and drowning me. His mouth was soft and sweet. I quivered, feeling the want in my knees, the release was already escaping, it was too late to end this. I grabbed him in my arms, wrapping him up tightly. I bit down on his lip, and sucked his bottom one into my mouth. He grabbed me feverishly, feeling my abs, and running his hands clumsily through my hair.

I breathed him in.

_I want to be where you are_

_In times of need I just want you to stay_

_I leave a note on your__ car _

_When I can't find the right words to say_

We clawed and pulled, tossed and turned, until our lips finally parted. His hands were on my face and his legs were wrapped around me. I was on top of him. Our chests slowly rose. The unexplainable passion, the _possession_ that had just taken over me told me that this was real. I struggled to gain my breath back as I looked down at him. I looked away from his lovelorn green orbs.

I wanted to ask him to keep this between us, but I knew that I didn't even have to ask. He wouldn't tell a soul. The lights cut back on. I squeezed my eyes shut liking the darkness so much better.

"Come here," Edward said gently. He placed his hands on my chest.

I crawled off of him.

This was easier in the dark.

Edward crawled to the head of my bed and he got underneath my covers. "Turn off the light," he instructed.

"I can't promise you anything right now Edward..."

"Then don't make any promises you can't keep. Just turn off the lights."

I stared at him confused but I willingly followed his orders. I turned off the lights and I went back over to my bed. Edward reached out and took my hand.

"I know you're probably thinking about running right now." He said. His hair was wild, but everything else about his was calm.

I shrugged.

"But you don't have to. I don't expect anything from you." His eyes softened. "I do love you, and I know it's weird hearing me say it. But I feel it." He gently tugged on my hand. "I'll be whatever you need me to be in the morning. Confidant, friend...or if you wish something more." His voice cracked a little on the _something more_. "But tonight I'm just going to be _me._" He pulled back the cover with his other hand, "Get in."

I decided not to fight it tonight. All day I had been putting myself through the ringer trying to figure out what I was going to do or say, and all that did was confuse me further. So I got in bed beside him. Edward draped his arm protectively around me. And I felt secure.

_With you in time_

_There's nothing else_

_My life stands still_

_You are the will that makes me strong_

_Make me strong_

_If ever alone in this world I know I'll always..._

_Find me, here in your arms_

I felt secure and safe and nothing else in this world mattered right now. I sunk deeper into the contours of his chest, and his hand tightened around my shoulder. Edward rested his head on top of mine and I closed my eyes.

Sleep came easily.

**Review**!!

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	12. White Horse

**AN**: I have to honestly say that I was blown away by the response to last chapter. 50 something reviews...honestly when I first started writing this story, I always dreamed of how nice it would've been to get that kind of response, but I never expected it to happen. So I have to say a huge, bottom of my heart thank you, to everyone that took the time to make this fangirls' dreams come true. LOL. rolls eyes at my corniness. But Thank YOU! For you guys I made this chapter a little longer, as a present for being so generous. And thank you to the new reviewers, I'm sure _New Moon_ recruited you, and I am thankful for that too. Once again thank you **ALL **for your golden comments, and the get-well wishes. So in this chapter, everyone is here except for Leah. I'm pretty sure most of you aren't that broken up about that;) And as I sometimes I do, I had a little _fun_ writing this chapter, which means a few crazy situations tossed in for good measure. **itouch User 78%** - You're kind of amazing did you know that? And yes! I imagine Jake to look like he does in New Moon, and Edward to be how he looked in Twilight:) **Tash**- You were right on the money. Jake wants Edward in his life, which means seeing his home, and going to the places he grew up in. Really good observation! **Post_Script3**- Thanks so much. I've never written for any other fandom's on fanfiction. **Azeron**- The verse actually belongs to Boyce Avenue, the song is called 'Find Me'. Hopefully I didn't miss any questions! –Love Maddie

**AN**: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. 'Sittin' up in my Room' belongs to Brandy

Chapter 12- White Horse

--Edward--

The only thing worse than love was probably _temptation_. It was impossible to quit cold turkey after having one hit. Every time I rested my eyes on Jacob now, I couldn't help but to wonder when we would start making out again. It was inevitable like the sun rising tomorrow. He liked me. I knew that for a fact now. And since Thanksgiving I noticed that he looked at me differently. Jacob didn't even bother to hide that.

Just yesterday I was bending down to pull something out of my closet, and Jacob was behind me staring at my ass...and licking his lips. Jacob was so caught up with my _junk _that he didn't even realize when I stood. These last few days my mind had been preoccupied with nothing but sex, like some horny dog. It didn't feel that great to be in heat 24/7, because things got a little awkward when I got Jacob induced hard-ons in the middle of class.

Now I was in my room reviewing for an exam that I had tomorrow. Bella and I were going to the library after she got out of class. I was still waiting for her call. Jacob was at his computer listening to music aloud. He asked me a few times if he was bothering me, but he wasn't, because I was barely reading, and every song he played seemed reserved for me.

I was just listening to the words now, trying to make out whatever he was feeling through the songs. Now he was listening to '_Sittin' up in my room_' by Brandy. I massaged the back of my neck as I pretended to flip the page.

_Seems like ever since _

_The first day we met_

_There is no one else I think of more than you_

_I can't seem to forget_

_Can't get you out my head_

_Cause the verdicts in _

_I'm crazy over you_

The music suddenly died. I was forced to concentrate on the tiny print, and this time actually read it. Jacob strolled from his desk to the fridge. Now it was my turn to watch his _ass_, and objectify him a little bit. Damn, and he had a nice ass too. It was solid, and bountiful, like he did nothing but squats all day. I licked my lips at the thought of getting a fistful of _Jake ass_. I needed an ice cold shower, and it wouldn't hurt if he was in there with me.

"Want some sex rolls?" Jacob asked with a devious smile.

My cheeks warmed. Rachel had given us a ton of food to bring back to our dorm after Thanksgiving. We barely had any room in the mini fridge anymore. "No I'm good." He needed to stop tempting me, especially when I was trying so hard to behave myself despite the desire.

"Okay," Jacob rummaged around for something else. "What about some sex pie?"

"Jake you should probably stop saying _sex_ before food items." I playfully tossed my pencil at him, which he swatted to the floor. "Because all it's making me think about is..." My lips thinned. "You should just stop saying _sex_ before everything."

"Why is it...distracting." He closed the fridge and stood slowly.

I swore he was flexing his muscles on purpose, showing me just how ripped and delicious he was. _Fuck you Jake_. Jolts of excitement traveled up my spine. How the hell did he expect me to be good when he was standing here practically naked and talking about sex food!

"And why don't you put on some clothes while you're at it." I eyed his ripped abs, sculptured biceps, and firm pecs one last time. I scowled as if the sight of him nearly naked bothered me.

Jacob tilted his head to the side, "I need a distraction." He purred as if he wanted to _play_.

"Then go throw a football or something." I was getting hotter. My blood was on a slow boil, and if he knew what was best for him, he wouldn't come any closer.

"I need a bigger distraction that _that_, because you know I got a game tomorrow." Jacob rubbed his chest. He walked over to me, and stopped right in front of my bed. I could see the outline of his huge dick through his black boxer briefs. He was making my mouth water. "What were you going to say about me saying _sex_?" He taunted. "Am I offending you? Or is it just how I saw the word _sex_. I love that word."

Oh man he really shouldn't be feeding the sex-crazed beast inside of me. The hungry boy eager for Jacob and his _cock_. I closed my eyes and grinned to myself, shaking it off. "Am I wearing your sweater tomorrow?"

"You better." His voice dropped lower, "You're my good luck charm remember."

I took in a deep breath. "Is there a reason why you're so close?" I was trying to push him away before this got dangerous. I liked control, and usually I was in control, but around him, I had a habit of losing myself. I was sure Jacob would say the same thing about me, judging by the smoldering blaze in his dark eyes.

Jacob took a seat on the bed beside me.

Control was slipping away inch by inch. _God I wanted him closer_.

"What were you going to say," He pressed on. "I think it was something about sex. You know cocks, and ass, and..._sex_."

My eyes met his but I remained silent. He was obviously horny, and so was I, but I knew that he wasn't ready for sex with me. Even if he did want it.

Jacob took my book out of my hand, and then he sat on it. "What were you going to say Cullen," He breathed. _Fuck_. He was a little too skilled at seduction.

"Can I have my book back?" I asked smiling. I reached for it, but Jacob wrapped his fingers around my wrist. The paleness of my skin, and the tan warmth of his, contrasted perfectly. I breathed in and out weakly. I tried not to look at him, because I knew if I did, I would give him _fuck me_ eyes. "Hearing you say sex...just makes me think about it."

Jacob half-smirked. "Edward do you wanna sex me?"

I shook my head again. "Don't bite off more than you can chew."

"I'm _not_," Jacob said. He scooted closer to me; his hand was still tight around my wrist. I could feel his thumb pressing against my throbbing vein. "We don't need any rules for this right?"

"Are you asking _me_?" I asked. "You make the rules and I go with them."

"I guess not," he breathed disregarding my statement. Jacob stroked his thumb in circles against my wrists. "You haven't said anything to Bella have you?"

"I'll never say anything to anyone." I meant that. Because I knew to say anything would betray our trust, and end whatever _this_, could turn into.

"Good because then I would have to kick your ass." Jacob moved his hands upwards and linked them inside mine, "And I like your ass to much to damage it...well at least by kicking it."

He raised my alabaster wrist to his full lips and he planted down a soft kiss. Jacob's dark eyes stared deeply into mine. And then he kissed my wrist again. My body shivered and I was unable to keep up my wall of stone. It was falling, and it was because of him.

I grabbed him by the shirt and went to the head of my bed. Jacob willingly followed me. My dick rose against the confines of my jeans. He leaned forward and teasingly brushed his lips against mine. I closed my eyes and my breath rushed across his face.

"We can do this for recreation." Jacob grabbed me by my hair and tilted my head backwards. "Like drugs, highly addictive drugs." He flicked his tongue against my adam's apple and then he licked from my neck up to my jaw. "Do you have any objections?" His tone was riddled with lust and just a hint of Jake humor.

My hands slid down his almost god like physique. I wanted to fill my hands with his muscles and abs. Jacob leaned away from me and wrapped me up in his arms like a child. He held me tightly so now my cheek was pressed up against his heated chest.

"I'm going to be hot and cold," he admitted, breathing heavily into my hair. "I said that we would take things slow...but all I want to do right now is..."

"You're always hot and cold." I cut him off.

"You little bitch." Jacob held me to him tighter so I couldn't breath for a few seconds. "That's what you get. Suffocated by the pecs boy." He was joking now even though the tension in the room was still so thick.

He released me, but he continued to run his hands through my hair. "So are you nervous about tomorrow?" I turned over on my stomach so he wouldn't see how hard I was.

Jacob let go of my hair and then sunk into the bed beside me. "I'm trying to keep myself busy. Wanna dance, you can be Beyonce and I can be Jay-Z." His eyes wandered not so discretely to my ass.

I snickered. "I'm not _bootylicious_ enough to be Beyonce."

Jacob paused and looked at me. He grinned widely and then crossed his strong arms over his chest. "Then I guess I'll have to find some other way to distract me." Jacob scowled. "What you need to do is make yourself ugly and unappealing so this whole arrangement would be easier."

"But you'd still want me."

"No, not if you're ugly. I already told you that you're _the_ exception to my dude rule."

I tilted my head to the side. "Well you're not the exception to _mine_." I had placed a pillow between us for both our sakes.

Jacob paused and glanced at me with a crossed expression. "And what does that mean."

My cheeks blushed. "It means that I'm exclusively into dudes, that's all."

Jacob took a seat on the edge of his bed. "Are you _threatening_ me Cullen?"

My mouth dropped. "Jake what the fuck are you talking about?"

He jokingly narrowed his eyes, "We're _not_ dating. Far from it. But I don't want to hear about any other dudes."

Wow. He was placing limitations on me. We kissed _once_. He was obviously still a little uncomfortable with it, but already he was staking claim. I perversely liked it.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Fuck this shit." He racked his hands through his hair, "You can kiss who you want..."

"So then I can kiss _Emmett_?" That wasn't nice.

Jacob chuckled wickedly. "You better be fucking with me."

He was being protective in his own way. Usually I had issues when people tried to protect me, even my family, because I often considered myself a stand-alone wall, but Jacob could be the exception. I studied him on the bed, red faced, naked, and sexy. I was making him change all his rules, and I should feel bad about that, but it wasn't entirely my fault.

Jacob was playing a game of hide and seek with me. I'd play his game for as long as he wanted, but I knew that I had to be careful, because some days he was on, and others he was off. While I was always on.

Someone knocked on the door.

Jacob huffed. "I'll get it." He searched around for some clothes. He went to _my_ drawer and pulled out some mesh shorts and a tee shirt. "I washed just enough clothes to get me through last week. Hope you don't mind."

"No help yourself." I dipped down and picked up my books on the floor and started to shove them into my bookbag. I watched as he opened the door for Bella.

"What's up Jake," Bella said.

"Yo," He answered.

"Nice sweater," Bella noted.

"Thanks it's Edward's."

"Which is why I said nice." Bella's eyes twinkled as she looked at me.

Jacob cast a sideways glance at me.

I pretended not to notice it, because Bella would pick up on a sideways glance like a shark. She took a seat on the bed beside me. Bella looked _rough_. Her chestnut hair was tousled, and her skin was paler than usual. She was also wearing a red Maryland sweater that swallowed her whole.

"Are you okay Bella?"

"Yeah?" she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'm just exhausted."

"Then maybe you should get some sleep." I said stating the obvious.

"_Can't_," she said promptly. "The semester is finishing and Math is cracking me like a walnut."

"Maybe I can help you," I offered. I glanced at Jacob. "J, did you want to join us?"

"Nah, you guys go ahead." He put on his earphones and from that point, it was as if he was the only person in the room. He looked pissed. My eyebrows furrowed. I wished that I could get Bella to leave the room for a second so I could swear to him that I didn't tell her anything. But he still probably wouldn't believe me...even though he swore that he trusted me wholly.

Jacob was still coming to terms with everything, so I knew that there would be casualties along the way. _Hot and cold_. I promised that I would be patient, and it was going to be hard, but I was going to keep my word.

***

I spent an hour helping Bella with Math. She was barely registering anything I said because she kept nodding off. After a while I gave up. I let her sleep on her bookbag, and mentally planned to wake her in an hour. I placed my pencil behind my ear and reviewed over my Freshman English notes.

Bella suddenly shot up like there was a fire. She turned to me looking worried. "I just had a nightmare that I flunked out of College Park, and ended up flipping burgers at Old Sal's Burger Saloon."

"Bella," I whispered. "You still got forty-five minutes."

"I can't believe you let me sleep Edward! Every second I waste is a point off my grade."

"Shh," I gently elbowed her, "We're in the library, and you know how these people get." I smiled trying to ease her mood. "Speak too loudly and they're ready to go all _Lord of the Flies_ on you." As if on cue a few people glowered at us. I wasn't feeling so nice so I glowered back.

One girl wagged her eyebrows at me and pointed to her thong. Okay she _liked_ my glowering. I cut it out. "I thought Emmett was helping you with Math?"

"He was." Bella searched around in her bookbag, and pulled out _Romeo and Juliet_. "But he's been busy lately."

"So he stood you up?" I asked looking for a flaw in Emmett's character besides the obvious ones.

"No, I told him that I didn't need help anymore. He's been spending a lot of time with this guy lately, I'm not sure if they're dating, so I didn't want to get in the way."

My eyebrows furrowed. "I'm sure they're _not_ dating. Emmett isn't the kind of guy you _date_."

"What's up with the Emmett hate?" Bella opened her novel.

I changed the subject. "You're reading Romeo and Juliet for your class?"

"No I'm relieving stress. Jake dances, you brood, and I _read_."

I clicked my tongue. "Yeah that's a wonderful way to relieve stress. Read about doomed lovers." Bella mouthed the words quietly as she read. "Bella can you promise me something?"

"Maybe,"

"Promise me that you'll get some sleep, because I don't like seeing you like this."

"You care too much," she whispered still reading. "About _everyone_." Bella folded the page and tucked the book back in her bag. She rested her hands against her cheek and then her eyes lit up. "So what's going on with you and Jake?"

"_Nothing_," I said focusing back on my notes.

"Really?" She sounded disappointed. "Do you have to start dating someone else for him to realize that he's in love with you?"

"He's not in love with me." I felt horrible for doing this, but I couldn't talk about Jacob with Bella anymore. As far as best friends went, I probably considered her to be the only one I ever had, but Jacob trumped everything. He wanted to keep a part of himself hidden, and since I was a piece of the secret, I had to oblige. Even if that meant lying. "I went home with him over the weekend."

_I felt like shit_.

Bella smiled. Her tired eyes lit up more. She tapped me encouragingly on the shoulder. "I know which is why I asked if anything happened? I know you got some juice Edward. You two alone on Thanksgiving, sounds like the recipe for some steamy _fanfiction_...if you two were famous of course."

"Remember how you and me used to talk about going after the things we wanted instead of waiting for them to come to us? Well when he was showing me his room I grabbed him and I kissed him."

Bella's mouth dropped and she latched onto my arm. For a tired girl, her grip was strong. "No you didn't! Edward get the fuck out."

I tried to think of the saddest thing ever, because I didn't think I was a good actor. I wore my heart on my sleeve. Okay. _Sad thoughts_. Elizabeth Masen came to mind. I frowned. No, I couldn't use her to lie about this. "When I kissed him, he pushed me away. He was nice about it, but he told me that he wasn't gay. I was embarrassed."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed and she looked genuinely sad. For a few moments she was silent and then she let me go. "I hate Jake,"

"What?" I stammered. "Don't hate him?"

"No," she bit her lip, "I don't hate him. I'm sorry. I was just saying that because..." Bella shrugged. "It's not his fault. I just...you guys were perfect for each other. I could've sworn up and down that he liked you."

"There are other guys out there." I shrugged. For a second I forgot that I was acting, because even I didn't believe that. If I did, then I wouldn't pine over a guy that didn't know if he was bi, straight, or just confused.

Bella snorted, "And to think I was sitting here wondering what was wrong with _me_."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Because, I'm trapped in a stink web of love. Alice does nothing but talk about Jasper, the girl is obsessed, and you...well Jake was everything to you." Bella frowned at the desk. "You Cullen twins made me wish that I was in love." Bella flushed scarlet. "Don't you go repeating that to anyone else."

"Believe me I'm good at keeping secrets." I was honestly surprised to hear her admit this.

"Over Thanksgiving, Charlie was actually being _social_." Bella strained. "It's like he's been spending every night since I left home, alone with football and beer, and you know what he told me."

"What?"

"He told me that he didn't want me to end up like him. Divorced and handsome, with handcuffs, but no one to _cuff _in the back of his cruiser." Bella studied my confused expression. "It's a Charlie-ism, he makes up his own sayings, they don't always make since but you're supposed to go with it."

I grinned, "So it's more about the delivery."

"It's _all_ about the delivery."

I was glad to see her less zombie-like. Between Jacob, Bella, and I, we had college exhaustion down pat.

"So to make a long story short if _Charlie_ is asking me to enjoy college life then he's worried. I told him about you, and he said that we should go out on a date." Bella slapped her knees. "He must think I'm in love with you because if I'm not talking about school then it's _you_."

"Bella you're a pretty girl. Some guy is going to fall madly in love with you."

"I'm pretty plain, and as pale as a Yeti." Bella rolled her eyes, "Naturally all the boys are going to be lining up to get a piece of this Cool Whip." Bella grinned a little and then yawned. "Okay I'm going to stop making myself sound like a case. I blame all of the insanity on Math."

As soon as Bella was finished talking a guy approached out table. He was breathing heavily and his teeth were a disturbing cheddar cheese yellow. He wore suspenders, with thick glasses, taped in the middle, and his hair was as limp as a rag mop. I arched an eyebrow.

"Can I help you?" I asked. I could smell his breath from where I sat.

He adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "No you can't Mr. Abercrombie and Fitch."

I scowled.

Bella was staring daggers at him.

"Err...Isabella Marie Swan, I hear that you need a white horse to save you from the evil clutches of Mathematics." He hooked his thumbs in his suspender straps. "Can I be your white horse?"

"How do you know my full name you creep?"

"Pookie is resourceful." He breathed.

"You are just _wrong_ on so many levels." Bella complained.

"Is he your suitor?" He asked of me.

"Yes," Bella waved her hand. "Now go away...go brush your teeth."

I snickered. Bella was being mean. But I would probably be mean too if some creep was following me in suspenders, and asking me to call him _Pookie_. I was just about to stand up and make this guy leave Bella alone, but I saw Rosalie walking towards us.

I didn't think it was possible for Rosalie not to look like she just came off a runaway. I could see her waking up in the morning, fully made up, every blonde hair in place, and outfit ready to go. As usual guys were watching her and goggling, and girls was watching and hating.

Rosalie stopped at our table. "What are you doing bothering my friends?"

Pookie looked suddenly frightened. He swallowed. "Isabella needed a white horse."

Rosalie snorted, "A white horse? More like a white _rat_."

Pookie swallowed.

"Now this can go two ways Pee Wee Herman. You can go in peace with all of your limbs, or else I can use your scrawny body as a punching bag. Oh and campus _security_ is also an alternative."

Pookie winced and inched away from Rosalie like she was OJ Simpson wearing a glove. "But I...Bella can I just have one Victoria Secret's garment...just _one_? A panty or a scantily clad bra would do."

Rosalie twisted his arm behind his back, "Don't you harass her like that you disgusting, filthy, nasty, stank breath, perv."

Bella and I looked on speechlessly. For a beauty queen Rosalie was strong.

"Say you're _sorry_." She said again. "Or I'll wrap your arms around you like Playdoh, and tie you to the flagpost!"

"Sorry!" Pookie exclaimed.

"Now get out of here," Rosalie pushed him, "And don't come back or this Prada heel is going up your ass."

After she was finished putting the terror of God in that kid, Rosalie methodically fixed her perfect blonde hair and offered the classic line, "Well that wasn't very ladylike was it?"

Bella kicked me under the table.

I smiled amused. They didn't make characters like this, Rosalie, Emmett, even Jacob, back home in Savannah.

"Do you guys mind if I join?"

"Sure," I said gesturing to the seat across from me, "Thanks again Rosalie, for your _spare_ change, that day." I felt a little guilty for not calling her on Thanksgiving to tell her than I wasn't coming.

Rosalie smiled, "Of course. I would've given more, but that was a light change day." She pulled a few heavy textbooks from her bookbag and a sketchbook.

"What's your major?" I asked her curiously.

"Criminology and Communications," Rosalie answered without the slightest hint of enthusiasm. She sensed what question was next. "I want to be a lawyer." Rosalie's eyes shifted to Bella, "You're losing her."

"Huh?" Bella snapped awake.

"She needs coffee." Rosalie swiped her blonde hair from her eyes. Regal, was the first word that came to mind, when watching her. "Coffee on me." Rosalie dug in her purse and gave me twenty dollars.

"Oh you wanted me to get it?"

"Yes please," Rosalie said with a nod.

"Okay," I grumbled. I ripped out a piece of notebook paper. "Write down your orders."

"Mine is specific." Rosalie informed. "It has to be made a certain way or else it's poison."

Coffee was coffee to me but whatever.

After she was finished writing what looked more like a dissertation instead of a _coffee_ order, she slid the paper over to Bella. "You _need_ the coffee beans." Rosalie told her.

After I got everyone's orders I went over to the shop in the library. One person in particular caught my eye, Emmett. He was sitting at a table with some guy, who was all over him. Emmett was ignoring him though. I looked away because the guy looked at me, and his eyes darkened.

_Okay?_ What the fuck.

Once I reached the coffee stand I gave them the paper with Rosalie's neat scribble. If someone was going to mess up her elaborate drink, then it would be them, and not me. She could yell at _them_.

"James Dean,"

Emmett was the only person that called me that.

"Oh hey Emmett." I was being fake. I was sure he could see through that.

"Hey," Emmett crossed his arms. He smiled and looked at the list the barista handed back to me. "That's Rosalie's handwriting. Is she bitching you out?" Emmett leaned in. "I can get her off your back if you want." His breath was minty and sweet. "Just say the word baby boy."

From the corner of my eye I saw his _friend_ approaching. He looked pissed. "You should get back to him."

Emmett stifled a yawn. "He's a boring, possessive and obsessive waste of time. He's a C at best." Emmett licked his full lips. "He thinks we're going to fuck tonight."

"TMI,"

"Too much info for your virgin ears." Emmett taunted.

"I'd rather not hear about your conquests." I nodded at Emmett to make sure he understood that.

"Hmm, not unless they include you huh." he agreed. Emmett folded his arms behind his head, "So how's Jake?"

"Good," I answered quickly.

"Are you giving him happy endings yet Eddie?" Emmett asked. "Man, that would be a _real_ happy ending with those lips of yours."

"Emmett shut the fuck up," I growled.

A girl in front of us glanced over her shoulder as if she was bothered.

"Oh fuck you Nancy." Emmett said to her.

"Excuse me," she asked.

"I said, fuck you Nancy, and if you got a problem with what I'm saying, stare ahead. And yeah some guys actually have sex with other guys." Emmett gasped, "Oh my god!"

The girl sneered. "My name is Kathleen and I don't care what you and your boyfriend do in the confines of your own room, but this is a public space and I rather not hear about your _boyfriend's_ fellatio abilities."

She looked me up and down.

"Bitch, don't hate because more men want him, than your Sarah Jessica Parker face. _Nancy_." Emmett added in.

The whole entire time I remained silent. After Kathleen left, Emmett lingered around for a little while longer, making his _friend_ do exorcist spins of the head to look at us.

A few moments later I was back at the table. I placed the coffee tray in the middle and gave Rosalie her change.

"Thanks," I said as I reached for my hot chocolate.

Rosalie nodded. "Anytime." She was watching me. Silently studying.

"What's up?" I asked under her microscopic lens.

"You seem bothered." Rosalie's bracelets jingled as she took a sip her coffee. All of a sudden her facial expression tightened and grew angry. In one fluid movement she threw her coffee _across_ the room. It smashed into the wall and the lid popped off, causing coffee to spill everywhere. "_Trash_!" she bellowed.

_Ohh_.

Bella kicked me underneath the table again.

Rosalie composed herself, "Not your fault though Edward. It's that new _barista_ they hired. She's dumber than a pick up truck with no wheels." She stood up to her full height, tall and elegant, despite her brutish tendencies. "I'm going to go explain to her how Rosalie Hale likes her coffee."

"Rosalie," I said gently. "Be nice to her."

Her eyes softened. "I planned on it. All I was going to do was _demand_ two free coffees and a low fat blueberry muffin on the side. Small requests, small prices, for her life." She flipped her hair off her shoulder. "I'll be back," Her tone reminded me of Meryl Streep in _The Devil Wears Prada_.

***

Bella and I walked back towards our dorm. For some reason today I felt like I was trapped in a _circus_. That feeling didn't leave me however, when I saw our RA, strutting down the hall in a leather mini and stripper heels. I said nothing, and neither did Bella, we just pretended not to see it, because the visual was wrong on so many levels.

"Is it okay if I come back to your dorm after I shower?" Bella asked. "I'll just fall asleep in mine with Alice being MIA."

I wanted to say no, because I just wanted to be alone with Jacob. But I didn't want Bella to fail her Math exam, so I had no choice but to make that sacrifice.

She leaned against her door, "Cullen you can say no. I'm not Rosalie, one no won't warrant an axe to the groin."

I smiled crookedly, "Just take your time okay...I wanted to take a shower myself."

"K," Bella rubbed my arm and then disappeared into her room.

_Jake_. I walked briskly, like a man on a mission. Luckily for me Jacob was still in the dorm. He was sitting on his bed watching TV. He had a guilty expression on his face like he knew that he was wrong for accusing me of telling Bella.

"How was studying?" Jacob asked flipping off the TV.

"Uneventful." I answered. I took a seat on the edge of my bed and pulled off my black Chucks.

"I think we should start a bet on how many times I can fuck this up before I get it right." Jacob's fist was balled. He took in a deep breath. The air was still charged with static electricity that made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. "I don't want to hurt you Edward."

"Jake, you always hurt _yourself_ more than you hurt me."

He smiled slightly.

I imagined what it felt like to want something so badly, and _know_ that you could have it. I was already his. Jacob knew that. But the problem here was that I was a person not some shiny new motorcycle. He could ride me around town, but only at _nighttime_, in the daylight, he felt like he had to hide me.

That didn't bother me. At least now it didn't, but in a year or so, it probably would.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me quietly.

"I think it works better for you when _you_ lead the conversation."

"Edward," he frowned. His dark eyes were searching. "I know you want to be an angel for me..." Jacob smiled crookedly, "Yeah an _angel_. You let me kiss you, and then I go cold on you like a dead fish, and you don't call me out on it. You've always been blunt, in a very polite way, so be polite and tell me what's on your mind."

My cheeks warmed. I rubbed my hands together and looked down.

"Edward stop being so fucking nice to me. I _don't_ deserve it."

"You want in my mind?" I asked.

"Yeah I do," Jacob said matter of factly.

"I think that you won't be satisfied until I tell you that you're a horrible person, that makes me feel used and cheap, like cheap whiskey."

"Cheap _dollar_ store whiskey." Jacob reinforced.

"Well I'm not going to lie to make you feel better." I scoffed. "I already lied for you once today, and I'm _not_ going to do it again." I narrowed my eyes at him, but there was no malice behind my words.

"When did you lie for me today?"

"Just now. I told Bella that I kissed you..."

Jacob's mouth dropped.

"But I said that you weren't into it. You pushed me away. And you were nice about it." I placed my hand to my heart. "So I guess I should be heartbroken because of you."

My words settled in, showing behind his eyes.

"Thank you," He said his shoulders sagging a little.

"Sure," I licked my lips. "So are we good now?"

"We are," Jacob laid down on his bed with his body facing mine. He was staring at me. "It comes and goes, this urge to get closer to you."

I laid down as well, with my body facing his. I folded my hands underneath my cheek. There was space between us but yet it felt like we were laying on the same bed. The silence in the air, and the look in his eyes, spoke volumes.

This kind of love we had was _tortured_.

Jacob closed his eyes. "I can't kiss you again tonight."

"Okay,"

"Because then I'll feel like I'm using you, again."

You can't use me, when we both want the same things.

But I was silent. No matter how helpful I tried to be sometimes, my words often got in the way. "We don't have to kiss."

Jacob opened his eyes slowly.

I stood up and walked over to his bed. I settled beside him. "Can I hold you?"

Jacob gave me an odd look. "Like a _baby_?" He chuckled.

"It's not that ridiculous, you're _not_ so tough, where I can't hold you. I did it on Thanksgiving, and nothing happened. You just went to sleep."

Jacob stared at me for a few moments and then he nodded. "Fine,"

I knew that he would probably stay up all night going through everything in his head. I wanted to remind him that I cared about him, and I could do that silently, no words needed, just innocent contact. He was laying with his back to me. I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around him.

I held him like I saw Carlisle hold Esme when I was younger. I associated this embrace with _love_ from an early age. Jacob loosely gripped onto my arm and he was silent. I smiled completely consumed in this moment.

I had never felt anything so intensely than every emotion associated with him. In a perfect world we could just be together, without all these extra steps, but this world was far from perfect. And so were we. Jacob and I were damaged in our own ways. I was a masochistic fuck, and he was always trying to be everyone's personal sun. That was a hard reputation to live up to.

Someone knocked on the door.

Fuck. _Bella_.

Jacob eased my arms from around him, and we both stood. I went to my bed and attempted to look inconspicuous by searching in my bookbag for something. Jacob answered the door.

"What's up _bitch_?" Paul greeted.

I looked up sourly. The mood was completely killed. What the fuck was he doing here.

Paul's eyes flitted to me, "No worries dude, I left the weed brownies at home with my Gran."

I remained tight lipped because there was nothing I could say to Paul that would be nice. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. That was Esme's favorite thing to tell Alice and I as kids. I was going to listen to my mom here. Paul wasn't alone though, he had a kid with him.

"Yo Seth," Jacob greeted slapping his hand with the kid's and then giving him a hug. "What are you guys doing here?" I noticed that Jacob spoke to Seth exclusively.

"Paul came up with the idea to surprise you, because of your last game tomorrow. And I just needed an excuse to get out of the house." Seth had on a goofy excited smile. "Your dorm room is sweet. I want one."

Seth's eyes met mine. "Seth Clearwater." He practically jogged across the room to greet me.

I shook his hand with a smile, "Edward Cullen."

"So what do you guys do for fun around here?" Seth asked obviously eager to be in a college atmosphere.

"Simple Seth, the ABC's of college life," Paul answered, "Sex, beer, eat, and sleep. Fuck the studying." Paul went straight to our mini-fridge, "Speaking of _eating_, what do you guys got in here for me?"

"Not a damn thing. You can take your ass to the dump outside. There is tons of trash for you to rummage through." Jacob then turned to Seth. "But Seth you can help yourself to whatever. We got food galore in the fridge, I got snacks under my bed, and Edward has juice boxes."

My mouth dropped. Why was he exposing my Hi-C orange juice boxes. That was almost as bad as calling him out on watching _Sesame Street_.

Paul snickered, "Juice boxes. How old are you? _Two_."

"I wouldn't talk if I was you." I directed at him.

Paul nodded slowly, "And if I do, what are you going to do about that, Sippy cup?"

"Paul leave him alone." Seth spoke up. "Three against one."

"I should've left you at home with your crazy ass mom." Paul retorted.

Seth's smile faded.

Jacob pushed Paul. "Leave him alone before I throw you out the damn window."

Paul took a seat on the edge of Jacob's bed. "Embry and I got a bet going on. If Maryland loses tomorrow then I'll pocket a cool $200." He rubbed his hands together. "That's just enough money to buy me a one way ticket to LA, where my future baby mama is waiting."

This guy was seriously idiotic. He reminded me of Emmett. Except Emmett was hotter. I cursed the thought and looked at Jacob, who was staring at Paul, like he wished a shovel would fall from the sky, and onto his head.

"So my hands are tied." Paul said with a shrug.

"Can I have a juice box?" Seth asked me.

My cheeks warmed. "Sure, but they're not cold. We got water, and Dr. Pepper in the fridge, and food. You hungry?" I just wanted an excuse to get away from Paul.

Seth nodded, "Starved."

***

Seth and I were in the community kitchen warming up Rachel's leftovers. Two things I noticed right off the bat was that Seth was a good kid, and he talked a _lot_. It was hard to imagine him getting in any trouble, considering how worried both Jacob and Leah had been about him over the last few months.

"So you're a ladies man right?" Seth asked out of the blue.

His question caught me completely off guard. "What?" I smiled.

Seth tucked her shoulder length black hair behind his ear, "I mean chicks dig you right? I could be wrong. But you got the look that chicks go crazy over."

I tilted my head to the side. "I guess you could say that."

"Sorry," Seth looked down sheepishly. "I just could use some advice, and I can't ask Paul because he'll make fun of me for years and then I'll have to kick his ass."

"You don't ask Jake for advice?"

Seth smiled, "Jake would be the first person, but he's still probably mad about everything." Seth shifted his attention towards the microwave, which was beeping now. "Because of the fights and all."

He slid his lanky frame off of the counter and removed the paper plate heaped with turkey. Seth snuck a piece when he thought I wasn't looking.

"So I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you have a crush?"

Seth bit his lip, "Yeah kinda."

"What's her name?" I asked willing to listen because I knew that's all Seth wanted.

Seth warmed up another plate of food. "Her name is Maria." Seth drummed his hand on the counter. He was smiling widely. "I was thinking about telling her that I was into her but I don't have any game." Seth stared around the room contemplatively. "I don't know how to tell a girl I like her, which is why I asked for your help. How do you _woo_ the ladies Edward?" Seth laughed to himself.

"Seth I really don't think I can give you the answer you want."

Seth nodded completely understanding. "S'ok, I'll figure it out."

"But you know who might be able to help you out with your Maria?"

"Who?"

"_Girls_,"

***

"Aww you're so cute," Alice gushed as she listened to Seth talk about Maria. "Jasper look how red his face is. _Aww_,"

Jasper passed Seth an apologetic look. "I see. That's the _fifth_ time you pointed that out Alice."

I wouldn't have suggested that Seth get advice from Alice, if I knew that Jasper and Emmett were over. Rosalie had apparently told Emmett about Bella's math struggles, which sent him over here. He was on Bella's bed now helping her with math, and Jasper for some foreign reason was painting Alice's toes. I had no idea why, and honestly I wasn't even sure if I wanted to ask. All I could do was watch speechlessly.

Alice would tell me if they were dating right? Probably not because she still considered me the _buzz kill_ of her relationships.

Alice was now eagerly explaining how Seth should ask Maria out. "Take her out to dinner, oh! And find out what kind of flowers she likes and bring them to her! Girls love flowers." I saw Alice pass a purposeful glance at Jasper who was reaching for the black nail polish. "Jazz, I don't do black."

"I lost the bet, but you gave me full artistic control." Jasper defended. "So therefore I'm blackening your world _little miss sunshine_."

She wrinkled her nose but then she smiled when Jasper flashed a handsome smile.

I was still highly disturbed.

"Hopefully Maria won't make me do that." Seth commented looking at Jasper.

Jasper looked up at Seth, "This is easy compared to what some women put you through. And besides, the job is a little easier when the torturing feet are small and dainty like hers."

"Call Maria," Alice continued on. "Call her now and invite her to dinner, oh, and maybe a movie. Any old romantic comedy should do."

I looked at Seth who was reaching for his phone.

Alice rubbed her hands together, "Be natural. Don't think too much about it. Just do it."

Jasper cast an amused expression at me, and I had to smile.

"Oh and if she hesitates, just tell her no pressure." Alice tossed in.

Seth nodded.

"And..." Alice started again.

"_Alice_," Jasper said softly. "If you keep on bothering him, you're going to make the kid nervous. Be cool Seth, and calm."

Alice grinned, "And when did you become the expert on ladies Jasper?"

He shrugged, "Since I started losing bets, and painting toes."

"I'm going to step outside." Seth said looking at me.

"Godspeed my friend." Jasper teased.

"Seth you got it!" Alice squealed.

I chuckled. After Seth stepped outside I turned back to Jasper and Alice, "So what's going on here?"

"Lost a bet." Jasper explained. "Your twin sister is manipulative."

Alice grinned like a Cheshire cat, "What Alice wants Alice gets. You better worry Jasper because I have an epic Christmas list."

Jasper painted a tiny black heart, just before drowning it out with black. "Lucky for you I love Christmas."

Seth came back a few moments later. He had a wounded smile stretched across his face, that he was obviously trying to hide it.

"How did it go?" Alice asked encouragingly.

"She sees me as just a friend." Seth sighed.

Alice pouted, "Oh no."

Seth waved his hand. "It's okay. I'm too busy for girls anyways."

***

Around 12 am. Emmett left. Alice, Jasper, and Seth were having an in depth conversation about something, and I was over on Bella's bed.

"We're probably going to head back to the dorm." I said tilting my head towards Seth. "Jake's going to wonder why I kidnapped him for so long."

Bella nodded as she looked over her notes.

I frowned. "That bitch Paul, the one that gave me the weed brownies, is at our dorm. I think he invited himself over for the night."

Bella's tired eyes widened. "He's over your dorm now?"

"Yeah...why?"

"I really want to meet this guy." There was an edge to her voice. Bella pulled out her phone and started to text someone. "And after I meet him I'm going to get some sleep."

***

"What the fuck took you guys so long!" Paul complained. "And where the fuck is the food?" He eyed my empty hands with anger. "I'm hungry as Oprah at a buffet over here, and you two jokes, got the nerve to be playing games."

Jacob groaned. "I don't think I can take another second of your bitching Paul. If you're so fucking hungry then run your ass to McDonald's and get a happy meal. _Fuck_."

"Hey Jake," Bella said stepping into the room after Seth and I.

Paul's eyes locked on Bella and he straightened up a little. He smiled crookedly. I suddenly felt protective of Bella. Over my dead body you dipshit.

"Leave it to Seth to come back with a girl." Paul stood to his full height. "Too bad he's cursed to always be every girl's favorite little brother." Paul pushed him out of the way. "Didn't catch your name girl."

My eyebrows furrowed.

"Bella Swan," Her voice was deceivingly sweet.

I eyed her suspiciously. She was definitely up to something.

"So you're the guy that drugged my friend." Bella squeezed my shoulder, "That's totally _awesome_ man."

Paul glanced at me, "Yeah, but it was all in good fun. Edward knows that right."

I ignored him and went over to my bed.

"So you like to play jokes on people." Bella looked completely enthusiastic. "Drug them, manipulate them, prey on them, that's not disturbing at all."

"Well, that's only part of my appeal." Paul said slowly. "Life is too short to be so serious all the time."

I tuned them out for a little while and turned to Jacob. He was falling asleep at his desk. Seth noticed this as well.

"Jay, you got a big game tomorrow so you should probably get to bed." Seth suggested dutifully.

Jacob tiredly wiped at his face, "_Huh_?"

Seth grinned. "You are tired. Therefore the bed is your friend."

"Where are you going to sleep kid?" Jacob asked groggily.

My eyes wandered over to Bella and Paul. Paul was telling her some story, really getting into it, and gesturing his hands wildly. She looked more awake, but yet her lips were twisted into that same sinister smile. Paul was explaining something that required him to touch her wrist.

My cell phone vibrated on my press.

I reached for it.

_I want you back in my bed. In a PG way. –Jake_

I glanced over at him. Jacob was smiling tiredly at me. He was so confused and so damn cute.

_Hot now? _I texted back to him.

_Not hot. Just lonely over here. –Jake_

My heart thudded weakly. I wanted to go back over to him, and wrap him up like a tourniquet, but his rules wouldn't allow me to do that with Bella, Seth, and Paul in the room.

Jacob placed his cell phone underneath his pillow. "Shut the fuck up Paul, I'm trying to go to sleep!" He picked up a pillow and hurled it at Paul's back.

"Bella doesn't want me to shut up." Paul said his eyes twinkling. "She's actually quite taken by my storytelling skills aren't you _Isabella_?"

"Of course I am, but you can always tell me the rest of the story in the morning. Jake has a game tomorrow."

"Seth you can take my bed." I offered standing up.

"No I can't. Paul and I just showed up, so don't let me put you out." Seth said.

I waved my hands. "No, you can have my bed."

"Edward you can sleep in my dorm." Bella offered. Paul was turned away from her now. She mouthed. "I'm going to get his _ass_."

***

"What are you going to do to Paul, Bella?" I asked with a sneaking smile. Bella Swan was a lot of things, clumsy, kind, reserved in her own right, but vengeful wasn't a stand out trait of hers.

She stifled a yawn, "Seth is a cute kid."

"Bella?"

She grabbed my arm and playfully jerked me around. "I'm not telling you because I don't want you to morph into righteous Edward on me."

"Righteous!" I exclaimed.

Bella dropped her eyes at me, "Yes and you know what I'm talking about. You tend to give people the benefit of the doubt."

"Everyone but _Paul,_"

"Too many cooks will spoil the broth." Bella insisted. "And besides after I'm done with him he's going to go on a tirade, and I don't want him coming after you."

"Well you minus as well involve me, because he drugged _me_. And if he comes after you then I'm going to fuck him up."

"Down boy." Bella eased. "Emmett and I came up with the idea right after I found out Paul was here. I texted him. Well actually it was all Emmett, and by the way I think he likes you."

"Bella," I sighed.

"I know, but if Jake doesn't want to play, then why don't you let Emmett make your day."

I scoffed, "Oh god do you have a little dance with that jingle."

I saw Bella pass me a quick look and then she smiled.

When we got back to dorm, I found Alice underneath her covers watching _Lifetime_. I cringed because the channel was only filled with two types of movies, sappy or utterly depressing.

"Jasper's gone?" Bella asked pulling a sleeping bag out of her closet.

I wanted to be back in my room with Jacob. I sighed. Even with all the mood swings he gave me, I preferred his company. Bella spread out the sleeping bag in front of me.

"Get some rest," she said.

There was no use arguing with her about Paul. I disliked him, but even if I threatened to kick his ass, I had no real intentions on doing that, unless he drugged me again or provoked me. But Bella and Emmett were persistent, and maybe I could talk Bella down from doing whatever, but not Emmett.

Bella studied my expression. "We're not going to hurt Paul."

"What are you guys talking about?" Alice asked nosily.

"Nothing," I said shaking my head. I dropped onto the floor and crawled underneath the sleeping bag. Sleep came fairly easy that night, despite all the running around I had done today.

***

The lemony haze of sunlight flooded my vision. My cell phone was buzzing relentlessly in my pocket. Sluggishly I reached for it, assuming that it was my alarm clock. One blurred look at the screen told me however, that it was Jacob. I was suddenly more alert, kicking back the comforter, and trying to ease my body out of the cocoon without waking Alice or Bella.

I glanced quickly at the girls. Alice as usual was sleeping halfway on the bed, and halfway off, her legs were awkwardly twisted against the wall, and her arm was limply hanging over the edge. Bella was underneath her covers so I couldn't see her. Quietly I snuck outside, while simultaneously wiping the sleep from my eyes.

"Hey,"

My heart leapt in surprise.

Jacob grinned wickedly. "Calm down it's just me,"

I smiled foolishly. "What are you doing sneaking around so early in the morning?" Not that I wasn't happy to see him. Jacob looked extremely _edible_ in red mesh shorts, a sleeveless athletic shirt, and Nikes.

"I couldn't sleep in." Jacob marveled. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was obviously wide awake." I teased as I stifled a yawn.

He stared back at me wordlessly. His deep brown eyes studying me. "How do you feel about an _AM_ run around campus?"

"About the same as a route canal...not _eager_."

Jacob chuckled, his pearly whites flashing. "Fine," he waved his hand. "I won't force you into it." Jacob bowed his head and sulked theatrically, "It's okay. I'll just run with my _loneliness_."

I noticed that he had a bag clutched in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked him.

"What's what?" He asked adorably.

"The Super Fresh bag in your claws. What's that?"

"Oh this?" Jacob raised the bag and tilted his head to the side. "It's just clothes, because I was sure my roomie would've said yes."

This was a battle I wasn't going to win. "Fine, but I'm probably not in the best shape. I haven't run since the summer."

"Obviously you're not in _my_ shape." Jacob taunted.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was teasing me, and taunting me so slightly, because now that we occasionally engaged in PG rated recreation, every prolonged stare, lick of the lips, or even smile, meant something else.

To me it meant. How long until you fuck the hell out of me. But I would never tell him _that_. I figured that Jacob was probably thinking more innocently...along the lines of kissing me, feeling me up, and _boundaries_. I silenced my thoughts by snatching the bag from him.

He was obviously feeling _hot_ again. I assumed that the coldness would come whenever Paul was around, and after the game, at least if we were still surrounded by a group. But it was okay. I understood him. I understood the moments when all he wanted to do was touch me, and hold me captive in his arms, along with the times when he didn't want to say anything at all. _And brood_. If he kept it up then I would have to nickname him broody...but all in love.

I trudged towards the Men's bathroom. Jacob was literally on my heels. I pondered if I should go into the stall and change, but he was so close that he would probably follow me in. So I decided against the stall. I opened the bag. Jacob had packed warmer clothes for me, a Baltimore Ravens sweater, jogging pants, and Nikes. I glanced at him.

"Did you want me to turn around?" He asked with a smile.

"You know your threshold."

Jacob leaned against the sink folding his hands behind his back. "I can resist you obviously."

"Obviously," I repeated.

"Go on and strip." Jacob raised his chin. "It won't have any effect on me whatsoever."

"Really?" I whispered.

"Take off your clothes, run around butt naked, I _can_ resist you."

I wasn't sure what game he was trying to play, but even he didn't believe that, judging by his telltale smile.

I pulled off my shirt. He invited me to play with him. So there were rules between us, but we were alone, and he was inviting me. I couldn't refuse this invitation. I walked towards him. "Am I still resistible?"

"Totally," Jacob echoed.

I leaned into him boldly and placed my hands against the counter, crushing my chest against his. I could feel his muscles underneath his shirt. He was breathing harder. "Could you help me with my pants Jake? My hands seem to be tied." I expected him to back down then.

He stared straight into my eyes. "Sure Edward."

I clenched my jaw.

Jacob dropped his hands around my waist. "You suck at seduction."

"Do I? Then how come your hands are shaking?"

"They're not," He undid my belt. I guess this was the only good thing about sleeping in jeans. Jacob had to work harder to take them off. He undid my belt with a few hurried tugs and yanks. I looked down at his hands. He couldn't deny any longer that he _was_ shaking.

Next he had to loosen the buttons. His warm fingers danced across my flat stomach as he sloppily fulfilled his next task, it would require more contact to get my jeans off. Jacob didn't complain however, because he had a _lie_ to prove.

His fumbling hands pulled my boxers down a little with my jeans. He pretended to ignore that and he kept pulling downwards, so now my jeans were around my knees and my boxers really low around my waist.

"Can you at least lift up a leg Cullen?"

I tried but I nearly lost my balance. "You're failing as far as temptation goes."

"I do have some control." Jacob seemed determined to prove me wrong here. He was probably still feeling guilty about kissing me and then shutting down. How many different ways did I have to tell him it was okay?

Jacob pulled himself up.

I was about to taunt him about giving up, but he surprised me, by circling his hands around my waist, and with the slightest grunt, he picked me up, and rested me down on the sink counter. The tile was cold against my ass.

"Good thing I was blessed with brawn, beauty, and brains." Jacob praised himself. He was obviously trying to distract me.

His cheeks were tinted red.

Jacob raised my leg and he pulled off one jean leg first, and then he went for the other. He was looking down at the blonde hairs on my legs, and then he looked at me again. Jacob folded my jeans, and he placed it beside me on the counter.

"See I'm unaffected." He said.

I nodded slowly.

"So stop trying to seduce me with your green eyes."

I smiled softly.

"And don't you smile at me either,"

"Then what should I do?"

"Put on some pants," Jacob suggested. He clenched his jaw and then he rested his warm hands on my leg. He traced patterns that left a trail of heat. Jacob smiled to himself and looked down, "A year ago if someone told me that I would've kissed a guy and liked it...I probably would've punched them in the face."

I tilted my head to the side.

Jacob pressed down harder on my legs. "Last night I couldn't get you out of my head." He confessed. Jacob's eyebrows knitted together. "You're everywhere when I close my eyes...and I'm telling you this because..." Jacob licked his lips, "Because I need you to know that when I kiss you, I'm not just doing it because I'm confused. Well I am confused, but not really about you."

Jacob leaned in as if he was going to kiss me, but he stopped just short, his nose resting against mine. "Do you still feel the same way about me as you did on Thanksgiving?'

I gripped onto his strong arms. "And why would my feelings change in a week?"

"Probably because I haven't changed in a week, aside from the random outbursts." Jacob leaned away from me, and then he placed his hands to my face. "Tell me it's not fair to keep kissing you."

"It's not fair," I said.

He looked relieved by this.

"It's not fair that you think I have a problem with impromptu kissing. A kiss is a kiss, it's perfectly innocent..."

Jacob scoffed, "You don't believe that."

"I believe that I like you close by, in whatever form. Kissing is currently my favorite thing that we've done since I've been your roommate." I paused, "Well that's tied with talking to you...about everything even if it's that stupid _Family Guy_ show that you love so much."

Jacob dropped his hands, "Damn you're so fucking understanding."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Could be...because how can I place restrictions on myself when you're so willing to give me what I want...when I want it."

"I can't help that. Because I don't think you're wrong."

Jacob swallowed and then he reached out to trace his thumb against my lips. "I would kill you if I knew some other guy was doing this to you...and you let him."

"And I'd tell you to stay the fuck out of my business." I laughed a little. "When I feel so passionately, I hate when people try to tell me what to do. Even you." I looked down at my bare legs. "I get it that we just kiss for fun and..." I let go of the thought. "How long until you stop worrying about me?"

Jacob nodded slowly as if he understood me.

"How long?" I repeated.

"Probably until I can neutralize the off and on shit going on with me." He threw his head back and sighed in frustration. "How do I always end up making everything _heavy_."

I hopped off the counter, "I'm going to get dressed while you beat yourself up."

"Nah I'm done." Jacob said.

"You sure,"

"Yeah,"

"Want to help me put _on _my pants?" I asked him.

"No, I failed the temptation challenge. For the rest of the day, just so you know, you're the apple to my Adam. I'm not going to take another bite, no matter how much you dance and sing...at least not again _today_." Jacob placed his hands on his hips and then his eyes suddenly lit up, "Oh and was it you that did that to Paul?"

He was grinning now.

"No it wasn't me."

Jacob crossed his arms over his chest. "I saw him this morning...and whoever did it left the evidence right by his pillow. Not so subtle huh. That's what he gets for being such a dick. So if you didn't do it? Who did?"

***

"Who the fuck shaved off my eyebrows!" Paul yelled incredulously.

Jacob and I had just stepped back into the dorm after our run around campus. Jacob told me about Paul's _eyebrows_, but the imagery I had come up with in my mind was nothing compared to this. It would've been funny if he wasn't so livid. His russet skin was burning with a faint redness underneath. His dark eyes shot savagely towards me. "Did you do it you son of a bitch?"

"No," I said coldly. Paul looked like Mr. Potato Head.

"Yeah the fuck you _did_."

Paul lunged towards me but Jacob quickly got in the way.

Paul's eyes darkened. "Why the fuck are you always standing up for this guy Jake?" He was so livid he was spitting. "Is he your fucking little boyfriend."

Paul's words suddenly set Jacob on edge. Jacob grabbed Paul by the shirt threateningly, Seth who was watching the whole scene play out jumped up. Together Seth and I pulled Paul and Jacob apart.

"I'm going to kill his ass." Paul pointed aggressively at me.

"Bring it on." I was hot and ready to fight him if he so much as laid one hand on me. Jacob freed himself from me.

"Fuckin' cock sucker," Paul snarled at me. "You had to sneak around and handle your business when I was sleep. What a fucking pussy."

My fists clenched. Now I wished that I could take responsibility for shaving off his fucking eyebrows. A burning anger took over me and it wouldn't leave. It was difficult for me to stand on the sidelines and just _allow_ someone to talk to me like Paul was. I considered lashing out at him, maybe even cruelly taunting him for his lack of eyebrows, but my fists would be more sincere, than a half-hearted insult.

My eyes shifted to Seth. He immediately calmed me down. The look on his face reminded me of a kid, who was watching his parents fight? He looked upset, but more with himself than us. I liked Seth, and he was like a brother to Jacob, which made him like a brother to me. Even if we didn't know each other that well.

The door leading to Jacob and my room opened and Bella stepped in. If I knew what she and Emmett were up too yesterday, then she was right I probably would've stopped her. Strangely, Bella didn't look the slightest bit guilty. Bella must've saw something in my eyes, because she didn't look at me for long.

"Good morning guys." She said.

Paul turned his back to her, which was strange.

"What's going on?" Bella's tone was riddled with aloofness.

"His eyebrows," Seth's eyes darted to me, "Someone shaved them off."

I frowned and leaned against the door.

Bella turned around and looked at me. Now she looked guilty. "Edward didn't do it."

"Are you his alibi?" Paul snorted.

"I know he didn't do it...because I did."

Paul turned around to face her. "No you didn't."

"Yes I did," Bella insisted firmly. She was way shorter than Paul, but how she was standing up to him, made it seem like they were almost the same height. "You drugged my friend."

I scowled.

"Everything is a joke, unless the tables are turned on you huh?" Bella continued.

"But you shaved off my eyebrows you _crazy bitch_." Paul hissed.

"Karma," Bella said evenly.

Paul stared her down, but Bella kept staring back up at him.

She looked at me, "Edward didn't know what I was doing," she focused back on Paul, "Because he's better than you. He won't stoop down to your level."

"Bella," Seth said speaking up.

"Yes?" she asked her tone much softer.

Seth stood beside Paul, "I didn't know that Paul drugged you Edward, and I'm sorry that he did..."

"Seth shut the fuck up." Paul growled.

"No you shut the fuck up," Both Bella and Jacob said at the same time to him.

I just leaned against the wall feeling like all of this was my fault.

Seth smiled sheepishly, but his smile fell quickly. "Paul didn't want to come here, I don't even think he has a bet with Embry." Paul glared at Seth, which he promptly ignored, "I asked him to bring me up just 'cause I wanted to get away from home for a little while."

Paul looked furious now.

"So I feel kinda bad, because I asked him to bring me up here when he had two eyebrows, and now he has none." Seth moved his mouth to the side, "_Sorry_," He apologized to us all.

For a few moments everyone was silent. My eyes darted around the room. Jacob and Bella were looking at Seth, and Paul was now looking down at the floor. I should probably say something. "We're even Paul. No more hard feelings."

I felt like acid was churning in my stomach. Even if Paul did a favor for Seth he wasn't a friend of mine, and he never would be. I knew in my heart without Jacob saying it that Paul was one of the people he was worried about. Paul wouldn't understand Jacob's feelings for me or any other guy, and he would probably make him feel like shit.

That, and the fact that he was unredeemable. I was doing this for Seth, and maybe even a little for Bella. Her intentions were honorable, when it came to defending me, but I didn't need Bella to ride in on a white horse, I didn't need anyone to save me. But Seth clearly did. He was a kid, a good kid, that just needed some of the same happiness that he gave off, returned.

Paul scowled, "Fuck you," He said to me.

I bit down the _fuck you right back asshole _that was just begging to be released. _Seth_. I reminded myself.

Paul looked at Bella, "I guess that's what I get for trusting a girl that knows more about trucks than I do."

To my knowledge Bella didn't know anything about trucks. She just drove one.

Bella bit her lip, "Look Paul, if you're so bitter, Edward's sister can pencil you in some eyebrows...so they can sweat off." She cleared her throat. "Okay it's out of my system."

"Fuckin' _Lolita_," He grumbled at her. Paul grabbed his jacket. "I'm leaving Seth, you're either staying or coming with me."

"You can stay Seth. I'll drive you home after the game." Jacob volunteered.

Paul stole past Jacob giving me a murderous look before leaving. I hoped Seth wasn't looking because I returned Paul's glare. I wasn't scared of him.

***

A few hours later I was sitting outside in the blistering cold watching the game. The stadium was more packed that I had ever seen it. I assumed that everyone wanted to see Maryland's final game of the year. I was squeezed in between Bella and Seth. Paul, the bastard, had decided to return for the game, but he came with a beanie pulled low over his eyebrow-_less_ face.

I saw Bella pass a smile his way that was in between sweet like Alice, and vindictive like Rosalie. Paul stared back at her crossly and I heard him call Bella _Lolita_ again, which made her chuckle.

Seth was watching the game with unfaltering concentration. He was leaning forward with his fists balled as if he controlled every member on the Maryland team. Jacob's lucky sweater hung loosely around _his _frame.

An hour ago Seth saw Jacob's sweater in the closet, and he remembered how Billy used to always wear that "ratty thing with the mustard stains," to Jacob's high-school games. It just didn't seem appropriate for me to wear the sweater when Seth was there. Jacob had pulled me aside and jokingly suggested tearing the sweater in two so we could each have a sleeve. But I told him what he already knew, let Seth wear the sweater, even though he hadn't asked to.

I was only watching the game half-heartedly because Maryland wasn't doing that great. I didn't understand football like Bella did, because Carlisle always talked about surgeries, which made me insatiably thirsty for medical shows on TLC. Medicine trumped sports always in my mind.

Jacob was playing great though. I could tell that he was really pouring himself into this last game, but most of his teammates seemed sluggish? I wasn't sure what was going on, but they were sloppy. Fumbling, throwing the ball to the _other team_, and racking up penalties left and right. This game was like a train wreck, and I knew that Jacob would probably take that all on himself.

"They're going against one of the best teams on the Eastern Seaboard," Seth explained. "Maryland _never_ beats them." He looked at me and shook his head. "Their coach is going to rip them in half and feed them to the Maryland students for playing so badly."

"Yeah but Jake's doing good." I said.

"He's playing good, but he can't shine without his team, and he's the _quarterback_." Seth clapped his hands together, "C'mon Maryland!"

The 2nd and 3rd quarter dragged by with minimal development. Maryland was down by 13. I could see the coach yelling, Jacob stood beside him looking like a statue, silent and pissed. The coach looked at him and then he started to yell at _Jacob_. Jacob then began talking to his team. He was a professional above all; when Jacob played he left all his problems behind. He got in the zone, but I could tell that the low morale was starting to take a toll on him.

"Poor Jake," Bella whispered.

"I know," I sighed.

4th quarter showed more life.

I watched Jacob move with grace and skill like he owned the field. Maryland got a touchdown. They were more focused. My eyes shifted to the coach, he was holding his clipboard tightly, and his stance was defensive. There were four minutes left on the clock, and Maryland was down by six. I balled my fists so tightly that I couldn't feel anything anymore. The players on the field danced in a brutal waltz. Bodies collided, jerking back and forth, and players ran with the ball clutched tightly in their arms as if their life depended on it. I shifted my eyes towards the clock once again. _Two minutes_.

"C'mon Maryland," Seth continued to chant. It was almost like a song now.

"They just need to get a touchdown." Bella mumbled. "There is an opening over there Jake."

I looked for the opening that Bella was talking about. It was as if Bella was in Jacob's ear, because his head snapped to the right, and then he threw the ball in the opposite direction. The ball went flying into the air like a torpedo just before he was rushed by two guys.

I held my breath, Bella latched onto my arm tensely, and it seemed like forever until the ball landed safely in the hands of one of his team members, and then the guy started to run. He was cornered so he threw the ball again. Conveniently the other team swooped out of nowhere and took the ball from Maryland. A roar of upset filled the stadium.

Bella loosened her grip on me and Seth stopped chanting. They had seemingly given up. But I wasn't giving up, there was still some time...forty-eight seconds and the clock was running. I targeted my eyes on Jacob who was watching the other team pat each other on the back. His expression was unreadable. He was stone faced.

I was wrong. There wasn't any more time. Maryland lost the game; even a miracle at this point couldn't save them. I felt an empty void fill my heart. I wanted to fix this for him.

Alice appeared in the back of my head. "Edward you can't fix everything. You can't fix everyone. Some people are just broken beyond repair, and they got to fix themselves from inside first."

Yeah. She was one to talk, with her one-woman revolutionary movements.

***

Two hours later I was alone in the dorm. Seth, Bella, and I had tried to find Jacob right after the game, but he had conveniently disappeared. So we took Seth out to dinner, while Paul entertained himself on his own, until Seth was ready to leave. I was in the middle of my favorite solo pastime, playing the guitar, instead of sitting alone with my thoughts. It was so crazy how much a few kisses could blur the lines between Jacob and I. I had felt strongly for him for a while now, but since he let me in, I felt responsible for him.

Jacob trusted me, and with that trust, it was hard to ignore the times when I knew he was hurting. I expected him to hurt when he returned, and I also anticipated him to have a problem with me knowing that. Jacob didn't like to express his emotions in great detail, and while I got to see more than most people, I knew it was still hard to let me in.

My heart was beating rapidly and I was going insane. I was spinning. I was worried that he went to the bar to get a drink; it would numb him for a little while. He liked to be numb. The thought tore me apart inside.

The door opened and all my worrying and doubt came to a standstill. Jacob stared back at me; he was still in his muddy football uniform. I wanted to hug him, but I really did need to get a hold of myself.

"We sucked hairy ass out there," He grumbled with a crooked smile as he closed the door.

He would probably appreciate me for being honest. "It wasn't your best game," I admitted. I placed down my guitar on my bed and folded my hands in my lap, "I'm sorry that you guys didn't win."

Jacob waved his hand, "The team expected to lose which was why they played so despicably." He started to pull off his clothes. "I'm not going to cry like a bitch in your arms tonight. I've done enough crying these last couple of days."

I nodded slowly. "So you don't want to talk about it?"

"I went for a drive on my bike," Jacob continued ignoring what I said. "I went for a ride and I thought about going up to Pennsylvania just for the heck of it. But then I realized that I couldn't." He smiled with ease. "And you know why."

"Why?" I asked completely relieved that he didn't just sneak away to _Pennsylvania_.

"Because of the way you're looking at me. If I just disappeared for a few days...and no one had any idea where I was, I know it would hurt you." Jacob racked his hands through his dark hair, "And I can't hurt you...at least not like that again." After he pulled down his pants Jacob kneeled in front of me. "I'm pissed about the game, so pissed that I could ride my motorcycle 100 miles per hour on I-95 with my eyes _closed_, but having you here softens the blow."

I stared deeply into his eyes.

Jacob looked down and he started to absently trace shapes on my jeans. "We need to take things slow, because when I'm around you I lose control sometimes, I get greedy."

I bit my lip.

"I don't want to be greedy with you Edward because I really _really_ care about you. You make me feel so good and I don't want to lose you because I thought I was ready for something that I wasn't." He took in a ragged breath and rested his head on my knee. "It's funny I stopped drinking to get more control over myself, and now you're the force making me lose control."

His cheeks reddened. "I'm mumbling but you do that...you and your fucking _sweet disposition_." Jacob raised his head, "I'm going to go take a shower, and wash the stink from the game from my hair."

"Are you coming back?" I asked him. "Because Pennsylvania is big, but I'll find you."

Jacob cracked a smile, "I'm coming back. I need you to keep my mind off of Maryland-_gate_. That wreck of a game." He traced his hands against my guitar, "Play for me when I get back?"

"I guess I could do a special concert for you." I said.

Jacob nodded. He placed his warm hand on my cool cheek and then he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "Thanks for putting up with my shit." He spoke into my hair and then he gently kissed my cheek again, and then my lips. "I'll be back," He promised.

The kiss on my lips was chaste. It was sincere. That was him kissing me, no blurred lines, confusion, or horniness, that was all _him_.

**Review Loves!**


	13. Duality

**AN**: Guys I'm sorry that it took so long for this update! Everything has been crazy lately with finals coming up, and last minute tests, so I've been working hard on balancing this story with everything else. Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, your comments have really helped me get through this highly stressful time. Love you guys! So in this chapter you guys are going to meet two new characters, and I'm not going to say too much about them, because I love reading your interpretations of Jane and Alec:) **itouch User 78%** -Sweetie I'm so sorry I worried you! I'm back, and I'm okay. Finals just are anything but friendly. **Rhondeez**- I considered writing a side Emmett and Edward fic, but being that Emmett is still very much involved with this story. I couldn't yet. Maybe when I finished with 'TSA' **YTRALS**- Don't worry about Emmett, he still has a lot of story, and I don't want to see him alone in the end either**. ransomnotesx3**- Jake is staying. **Tash**- Your reviews are always so insightful so you shouldn't get nervous they always make me smile. **l****ycorn2659874- **If Paul gets anyone back it would be Bella. Emmett and him wouldn't get along because of Edward. So thanks again to everyone that reviewed and read. Your comments are my drugs so please don't cut off my supply lol. Take care babes. –Maddie

**AN**: I own nothing.

Chapter 13- Duality

"**No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks**." – **Mary Wollstonecraft**

--Jacob--

_The snow fell like tiny parachutes from the ashen sky. I was lying underneath a tree with my hands folded behind my head. It should be freezing out here, but it wasn't. I told myself five times in the last hour that I would get up and leave, but yet here I was, still waiting. I closed my eyes and allowed my thoughts to run free. Lately I had been doing my best to regulate them, because all I could think about these days was Edward. _

_ A toasty warmth slid behind my cheeks and spread in my chest area. I caught a glimpse of his crooked smile and I heard his laughter like jingling bells in my ear. My body tingled. Where was he? Snowflakes coated my eyelashes as I dreamt. Suddenly, something cold touched my cheek. Startled I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was his angelic face._

_ I went to sit up, but Edward placed his hands on my shoulders gently pushing me down. He took a seat beside me in the grass lightly dusted with snow. I turned my body towards him. Edward's eyebrows were knitted together in thought. He was impossibly beautiful; his cheeks flushed scarlet, lips red as wine, and bronze locks scattered with small bits of snow. I wanted to reach out and touch him, because I had this sinking feeling that he would disappear. I didn't want to lose him. _

_ "What are you doing out here Jake?" Edward asked. His voice sliced through the winter wonderland like sweet music._

_ "I like the snow," I answered. I reached out and I wrapped my hand around his wrist. "You probably don't get much snow in Savannah do you?" My heart was beating furiously. _

_ "Rarely," Edward answered. His tone was distant and slightly reflective._

_ My heart drummed against my chest harder. "What's wrong?"_

_ He held out his balled fist and then opened his palm to catch the flakes. "How long has it been since we first kissed?"_

_ I swallowed. I couldn't remember._

_ Edward's greenish-blue orbs focused intently on me. His perfect face, which usually showed signs of compassion and care, was suddenly hard. This expression didn't belong to my Edward. I felt ridiculous for considering him mine, especially since I hadn't taken much action to claim him. He pulled his wrist from my grasp. The motion was fluid and not forceful. _

_ "I told you that I would wait for you." He said._

_ "I never asked you too." My voice was quiet. I didn't ask him to wait, but I knew in my heart that was what I wanted. _

_ "You didn't ask me to wait, but I waited, because I hoped that you would get over her." Edward's jaw clenched. "But I think it's pretty obvious that she'll always come before me."_

_ I closed my eyes again. The warmness that I had experienced earlier was now gone, and ice water was running through my veins. My teeth chattered noisily. I was stronger than this. His words couldn't affect me here. I was doing the best that I could. I said it would take some time. And that was perfectly reasonable. It wasn't like I had gone and made out with Leah behind his back. But here he was, staring directly into my eyes, and reminding me of the promise I made._

_ I meant every word though. I told him I would try. And I was trying. But it looked like my best wasn't good enough. A dagger twisted in my heart. If it was just us in this world then I could see Edward and I together forever. What I felt for him was real. Realer than anything I had ever experienced. But how could I take us to the next level, and give him everything he deserved? I didn't know where to start outside of the way he made me feel. _

_ He was getting impatient. I was losing him. God, I didn't want to lose him._

_ As the snow fell even harder, temporarily blinding me, he faded in and out of my line of vision. I reached out for his hand desperately, but my fingertips swiped the frigid air. In mere seconds he was gone, like he never existed. I grew colder. My joints locked painfully, and this freezing burn made my skin feel like it was on fire. I pushed myself up. _

_ I felt lost and confused. I thought I was so strong. Where was Edward? I would try harder for him. Where was Edward? God I loved him. I would try anything for him. But I just needed some more time. Where was Edward? I felt like a child again. Lost in the store, tears spilling down my cheeks, and looking for my mom. Strangers were everywhere, they looked at me with concern, some even tried to talk to me, but I ran from them._

_ I was looking for my mom. Where was she? What if I was lost forever?_

_ The memory vanished and I was back in the snow. This place was barren with the exception of the withered tree that I had been lying underneath. My lips trembled and a fog of smoke spilled from my open mouth. I couldn't go back to life without him. He made me see myself clearer, I couldn't run from him, or pretend that I was perfect. And mostly how could I go back to fixing everyone else when I was so fucking damaged myself. I couldn't hide from that, because he made me see myself clearly._

_ Where was Edward?_

_ Frostbite took over the sensation in my fingertips. I was numb._

_ My eyes filled with water. I'll try harder. I'll try harder. Just don't leave me Edward...I need you. The begging voice ringing in my ears didn't even sound like me. I wasn't a beggar. I refused to beg aloud, even if I was frostbitten and weak with tears in my eyes. But I needed him. He meant more to me than my pride._

_ I love you Edward. I love you. I love you. And I hate myself for caring so much about what everyone else thinks. I whirled around still desperately looking for him in the white snowflake haze. "Edward!" I yelled into the barren space._

_ Nothing._

_ "Edward!" I yelled again. My heart twisted and contorted like a monster was trying to break free. Undeniable pain consumed me. It pulled at my skin trying to claw it's way out, and thumped angrily against my chest. I hadn't experienced this much pain in a while . I had programmed myself to become numb to it all after my mother and father died._

_ Smile. Flaunt. Grin. Lie._

_ I had lied, I had become pretty good at it. But what happened when the person that made me feel alive again, more like a human than a robot, disappeared, leaving me with a mirror to look at the boy, the lie, that I had pretended to be, left?_

_ I fell on my knees in the snow. Now I felt like I was fading._

***

I woke up with a start. I was sweating like I had just run a marathon in a fat suit. _Fuck_. I placed my hand to my rapidly beating heart and tried to calm myself down. That dream was a little too surreal for me. I took in a deep breath. The emotions tied to that empty snowy field had followed me back to my dorm. I sat up. First I noticed that Edward was gone, that was a good thing, and then I saw that my textbook was on the floor. _Shit_. Why was it that every time I attempted to study, the fucking _textbook_ put me to sleep? Even if I slept the entire day, textbooks always had the same effect on me.

I balled my fists and rested them against my legs. Finals were literally right around the corner. We just had one more day of regular classes and here I was _sleeping_. I needed to take a page from Edward's book and go to the library or somewhere else to study. _Umm_. Maybe not the library, I just couldn't concentrate in complete silence, with old smelly books surrounding me. There was a new coffee shop that had just opened up on route 1; I would probably try that out.

A brief vision of me collapsing in the snow haunted my thoughts. I squeezed my eyes shut. I would _never_ do that. I wasn't that weak. I tried to shake the thought, but I imagined Edward fading from me. It was nightmarish to contemplate how it would feel to lose Edward. He was a staple in my life now, like part of my family, life wouldn't feel right without him. Just thinking about it made me feel strangely empty. I bit the inside of my cheek and busied myself by gathering my books.

You need to _study_ Jake. Stop thinking about Edward. But that order was hard to follow. Over the next five minutes, I stopped every now and then to stare into space, and think about _him_. Christmas was coming up, which meant I needed to give him a gift. And with Christmas, came winter break, and Edward leaving.

He was probably going back to Georgia for break. That thought was enough to send me back onto my bed, _brooding_. I balled my fists again trying to hold back the wave of sadness. It should be okay to admit that I was sad. I would miss him like hell, and even if I never said it, I would be counting down the days until school started again. Because that way he would be near me like he had been this whole semester. What the hell was I going to do in his absence?

God my mind was scrambled. I just needed to _stop_ and get it together.

The door opened and Edward and Alice strolled in. I barely had enough time to wipe the frown off my face. Alice danced over to Edward's desk with a Macy's bag in her hands, while Edward smiled at me. His nose was adorably red.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked a little comically.

"_Crashing_." I grinned a fraudulent grin. "Finals are laying the Smackdown on me."

"We can study together if you want?" Edward offered kindly. "Or I could help you with whatever?"

"Nah," I waved my hands. My eyes darted towards Alice because she was pulling a miniature Christmas tree from her bag, with decorations, and white lights to hang around the wall. "Jake do you mind if I add a little holiday cheer to your _drab_ dorm room?"

Edward crossed his arms and smiled. He was obviously ever so slightly annoyed.

"Sure," I said just because I knew that Alice always got her way. I would hate the decorations secretly though, because it would remind me how little time Edward and I had left. As I stared at his handsome face I was reminded of the crazy impulses I had to attack him last week. I kissed him on his bed, almost ripped off his clothes, and then in the _bathroom _I took off his pants. I was horny as hell for him, but Edward was reasonable. He understood that I wasn't in control, and without physically pushing me off of him, he _resisted_.

I guess thinking about it now, made me realize that I was happy he did that. I wanted to give him more of myself, which was why I had overcompensated last week. I still needed to find the balance between not enough and too much. Where was the fucking handbook to _I'm a straight guy that fell in love with my gay best friend_?

Alice giggled, "Oh and Edward guess what I found in Macy's!"

"Please tell me it's a needle with anesthesia so this torture can _end_." He was talking to her, but his eyes were locked on me. "You okay Jake?" He mouthed.

My cheeks warmed. He was looking at me like he always did, like I was the most beautiful painting he had ever seen. I just wanted to hold him in my arms. Holding him really relieved stress. I rolled my eyes at my ridiculous thoughts. Edward wasn't a _dog_. I was cracking like Lindsay Lohan.

Alice did a little dance that reminded me of _the Carlton_ _dance,_ her pixie frame rocking gracefully. "Hey Jude!" she sang.

Her velvety smooth singing voice made him take his eyes off of me. I was burning like I had a fever. I just needed to get out of the room so I could think clearly. Now was my chance to escape. I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulders.

"Freshman year, Jude, the talent show. _Epic._" Alice pulled on some funky white shades, and then tasseled her perfect coif. "My name is Edward Cullen and I'm a total Rockstar." Alice posed, "Ladies and studs eat your hearts out."

"_Alice_," Edward scowled. His face was as red as a cherry. "Jake doesn't need to hear that story. We don't have to share _everything._"

Alice waved her hand. "Please, he's like family next to Bella."

I had to stop and listen now, because somehow Alice had got across the room to touch my arm. I stole a glance at Edward. The look he was giving his twin sister, reminded me of one I would reserve for Rachel occasionally. I smiled. Edward's cheeks reddened.

"Freshman year of high school, I signed Edward up for the talent show. He refused to do it at first, but then I suggested that he come up with an alter ego. Edward eventually agreed, and _Jude_ was born." Alice giggled. "Jude was a total bad ass. He had ten baby mamas, chain smoked, and was on the run from the law, but man could he sing."

"I was a _freshman_ in high school." Edward defended.

Alice pulled off the glasses and extended them towards Edward. "Just try them on."

Edward swatted her hand away. "Allie, you're annoying me."

"I love you," she cackled. "And you know I won't stop until you..."

Edward grabbed the glasses and with a heavy sigh he put them on. "Sometimes I forget that you're _eighteen_."

In the blink of an eye, she pulled out her camera phone and snapped a picture. _Damn was she fast_. I smiled a little and a chuckle escaped my lips. Those glasses actually did look cute on him. Alice did a few _Rockstar_ poses shaking her head from side to side; her brunette hair covered her face.

"Okay I'm taking my room back." Edward said. He pulled Alice into a hug, "Good night."

"But..." she started.

"_But_, Jake needs to study."

"I was leaving _Jude,_" I spoke up. I winked at him. "Keep the glasses. Thanks for the story Alice."

"See Edward, Jude isn't nearly as embarrassing as you think he is." Alice defended. She slyly crept away from her brother and back to the Christmas tree. "This elf has some decorating to do. Don't you try and stop me or I'm going to get Miley Cyrus songs stuck in your head."

Edward scowled.

"_Exactly_," Alice chimed.

***

The coffee shop was right off campus. I stepped inside and searched around for a place to sit. Light 90's music was playing on the radio. I shifted my weight to my other foot as my eyes wandered up front to the cash register. _Leah._ For a second I considered leaving, but then she looked at me and scowled. My feet dragged me forwards. It was a known fact that Leah Clearwater couldn't keep a job, so I had no idea why she thought she could test her patience in a _coffee_ shop.

I took a seat at the bar with a smile stretched across my face.

"What the hell are you smiling at you _goon_?"

Silently I pointed at her.

"Jake, I'm working."

"Mama has to pay the bills?" I teased.

"Mama is going to kick your ass if you don't shoo." She waved me away.

Fine. She didn't want me here, and I could only halfway entertain a conversation right now. I got ready to leave but Leah smacked me upside the head. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You're not supposed to just _leave_." She stared back at me crossly. "I haven't talked to you in ages and you just leave when I say leave." Leah smiled a little. "Take a seat Jake," She glanced furtively over her shoulder. "I'll make you a coffee, I still suck at it, but I'm getting better with practice."

I placed my book bag on the floor beside me. "So you're working in a coffee shop. Just doesn't seem like you."

"I'm making you a black coffee. With no sugar, no love, just black...because that's what my heart feels when it looks at you."

I placed my hand to my chest. "Ohh man, the _heartburn_."

Leah smiled again. "I'll make you a hot chocolate. God Jake, you don't know how many bitches I wanted to fuck up today. These people think they can talk to me any old way. Like I'm some fucking servant." Leah smirked. "Some bitch told me she was going to meet me after work with chains to kick my ass, and I told her to bring it on Betty."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Leah repeated. "Dealing with coffee is no joke. People kill for their caffeine addictions." A few moments later she slid a hot chocolate over to me.

I wrapped my hands around it.

"Wait," Leah snatched the hot chocolate back and added whipped cream.

"I don't like my hot chocolate with whipped cream." I was purposely giving her a hard time.

"Then don't drink it."

I deliberately dipped my nose a little into the whipped cream and sat up. "Where's my lid? I'm making messes."

She grinned softly. "So why are you here Batman without your Robin?"

"My _Robin_?"

"The boy Cullen, your bromance partner." Leah rolled her eyes. "I'm so jealous of him."

I stiffened a little.

Leah arched an eyebrow. "He's your roommate. I'm _kidding_ Jake."

My cheeks warmed and I laughed it off. "What time is your first shift over?"

"In an hour. I have sixty minutes to bite my tongue, fight the urge to bitch slap a fool, and remember that I am in a professional setting." Leah batted her eyelashes. "I think I can do that."

"Hey Leah," I said gently. We hadn't talked in a while, so I didn't know where she was financially. I would help her if she needed help. Even if I didn't have that much to give.

"Yes Jake...why are you whispering?"

"If you need money..."

She raised her hand immediately. "No,"

"I have some G's saved up."

"Jake, I'd rather turn into a stripper and change my name to _Peaches Poo-Tang_ before I take money from you."

I moved my mouth to the side, "I knew you would say no, but I just wanted to put the offer on the table."

"Well thanks." Leah looked down at my hot chocolate. "The whipped cream is melting." She tossed me a napkin, "And clean that shit off your nose. It looks like _cum _now."

I smirked and wiped at my nose.

A guy came up behind me. "Hi," He said to Leah.

"Hey," Leah responded.

I studied her dark eyes. If I didn't know Leah, I wouldn't want to order my coffee from her. She didn't crack the slightest smile, and her tone was cold. Who trained this _girl_? I looked apologetically at the guy. I recognized him from somewhere. He was Alice's friend. James. Joshua. Jasper. Yeah, _Jasper_.

Even though Leah was glaring at him with enough force to make a baby cry, Jasper was unflappable. He was totally calm and collected, smiling and ordering his drink, like he was talking to a _kind_ person.

Leah placed her hand on her hip. "I'm new here." She said defensively.

Jasper nodded slowly. "That's alright."

"Can you repeat your order?"

"Sure," Jasper said smoothly. He started up again but Leah cut him off.

I cringed.

"Blondie, show me where your order is on the menu." Leah gestured behind her. "I _don't_ see it."

Jasper still answered her kindly. "That's because it's not there."

"Then how do you _expect_ me to make it?" Leah challenged.

"That's okay." Jasper waved his hands. "I'll just have a coffee then."

Leah nodded, "That's more like it."

I shook my head as I watched her. No wonder Leah couldn't keep a job. "Jasper right?" I knew his name, but I didn't want to approach him like a friend, because we barely talked.

"Jacob," Jasper's face lit up. "Hey." He extended his hand.

I shook his. "Hey man, don't pay attention to her." I lowered my voice so Leah couldn't hear me. "She's had a rough day, which gives her full right to bitch everyone out. At least in _her_ mind."

Jasper chuckled and he took a seat beside me.

_Fuck_. I hope he didn't want to talk.

"I hope you don't mind if I take this seat while I wait?" Jasper asked.

"Nah,"

Leah cursed loudly at the coffee machine. "Fucking piece of junk."

Jasper grinned. "Somehow I don't think this is the best job for her?"

I smiled with him, "Not at all."

Jasper drummed his hands on the desk. I could literally see the wheels in his head turning. He looked at me and then opened his mouth. Jasper seemed to think better of it and then he looked away.

"What's up?" I asked him.

Jasper grinned. "Edward is your roommate, and Alice is his sister."

"Yeah," I guess I could do conversation if it was about Edward.

Jasper ran his hands through his blonde hair, "I should probably ask Edward this, but I don't want to make things awkward for Alice."

I listened not sure where he was going with this.

"Forget it Jake..._Jacob_,"

"You can call me Jake,"

Jasper smiled crookedly, "I know Edward is protective of Alice, and that's cool." Jasper looked nervous now, "But I don't think he likes me very much."

"Edward likes you." He had never voiced that to me directly, but I knew Edward, and he didn't find fault with many, so how could he hate Jasper. "Why do you think that?"

Jasper shrugged, "When I'm around her, he doesn't talk to me much. He just stares." Jasper moved his mouth to the side. "Sorry if this is a little awkward for you but..."

"You dig his sister." I said simply.

Jasper looked down thoughtfully. "Obviously."

I smiled to myself. For some reason Jasper admitting to me that he had a crush on Alice, took my mind off of me. Maybe it was because his crush had _nothing_ to do with me. "Then why don't you just tell Alice how you feel? Edward's protective, but I doubt he'll get in your way."

Jasper watched Leah stomp around the tiny back area. I watched too with a smile. "I can't do that yet."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because," Jasper looked down and then he cast his eyes on me. "I'm rambling. I'm sorry." He went to stand.

"Hey, I'll listen." I offered. "But you have to do me a favor."

Jasper nodded.

"I can't seem to read a textbook without falling asleep. Keep me up, and I'll listen." I wondered why I was offering to do this? And then I realized that it probably had something to do with the fact that Jasper's problems did have something to do with _me_. We were both in love with the Cullen twins, and we didn't know how to go about getting them.

"Deal," Jasper grinned.

He had a kind smile. I didn't have to try too hard to feel at ease with Jasper.

"One coffee," Leah barked like a fish woman on the streets.

"Thank you," Jasper said tipping her a little too generously.

Leah's eyes suddenly softened towards him, and she said "Thank you,"

Jasper and I found a booth in the back of the coffee shop. I wanted to get him talking about Alice, so I could match his feelings to mine. "When did you realize that you were crushing on her dude?"

Talking about Alice made Jasper take on a shier tone. "Maryland is a huge school, but for some reason I always noticed Alice around campus. She's lively and always happy." Jasper looked down as if he was embarrassed. "And she's not like other girls. Alice _is_ one of a kind."

Damn he had it bad.

Jasper took a sip of his coffee. He made a face as if it tasted horrible, but he kept drinking it anyways. "So what about you Jake? You don't know me well enough to endure this _torture_."

I smiled. "Studying is torture...this is a welcome distraction."

The door opened letting in the plummeting temperatures. A girl and a guy walked in, they only caught my eye, because they were looking around at everyone like they were too good to be here. The two looked alike. The guy had dark chocolate hair, and the girl was significantly shorter than him. She wasn't smiling at all.

The girl looked at me, and then she looked at Jasper. I saw her say something to the guy she was with, and then she fluidly walked over to us, in her headband, black dress and red tights. A sudden smile appeared on her face.

"Jasper!"

Jasper looked away from me, "Oh," He smiled at her. "Hi Jane."

"Hey," she placed her hands to her mouth. "I'm so _sorry_ I'm late."

"No it's okay," Jasper gestured towards me, "Jane this is my friend Jake."

Jane extended a small hand, "Nice to meet you." She placed down her designer purse on the chair next to me, "Are you tutoring him Jazz? I could wait until your done." Jane spoke in a baby voice. She was smiling now. This girl reminded me of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen for some reason. At least when she _smiled_.

"No," Jasper shook his head. "Jake's just studying with us." He stood up, "You're probably freezing." He placed his hands on Jane's shoulders, "I'll go buy you a hot chocolate."

"Please don't." Jane batted her eyelashes. "You're too nice Jasper."

"Don't mention it Jane." She linked her hands in his, pulling him towards her. "Stop Jasper." She giggled. "I know you're a black belt in every martial arts there is but..._stop_,"

Jasper was laughing too. "C'mon Jane, a hot chocolate is like a dollar and cents."

I eyed her hands. Since I was loyal to Edward. I was also loyal to Alice. They were a package deal. And I knew that Alice's feelings for Jasper were mutual. But I couldn't exactly tell him that.

"I got it," Jasper repeated. He gently pulled his hands free of Jane's and went up to the front where Leah was yelling at a man asking for more caramel.

Jane's smile suddenly fell and then she turned to me slowly, kind of like the _exorcist_. I eyed the little girl. "Yeah?"

Jane took in a deep breath. "This is kind of a private study session, so run along." She waved her hands.

I frowned and an amused smirk appeared on my face. "Excuse me Chucky E. Cheese?"

Jane pulled her books out of her purse methodically. "There is no need for me to repeat myself twice."

"I'm not going anywhere." I said evenly. "So you better get over yourself." I didn't like this bitch. "_Troll_," Hell that was mean.

Jane's eyes hardened and she smiled sweetly again. "Why won't you leave." She leaned forward dangerously. Her blonde eyebrows knitted. "Do you _like_ him?"

My eyes narrowed. What the fuck did she just say.

Jane smirked wickedly, "Well if you do, I suggest you get over it, because he's mine." Jane pulled out some antibacterial soap from her purse, "But you could always try my brother, Alec is a slut, he'll sleep with any guy that looks at him twice."

This _bitch_ was crazy. My body tensed. How dare she accuse me of liking Jasper? I saw red. Violent shades of red. I should probably step back before I flipped over the table. Jane was smiling back at me like the cat who just ate the canary. Man, if it wasn't against everything I believed in to hit a woman...this cabbage patch _bitch_ would be on the floor.

Jane glanced over her shoulder at Jasper. She focused back on me. "Don't you think he has a nice ass?"

I spoke through clenched teeth. "Look _bitch_."

"That's not very nice." Jane rubbed her fingers together as if I was a bad child.

"He has a _girlfriend_,"

She pulled a nail filler from her purse, unaffected. "No bitch would be stupid enough to go after him. Not unless they want to experience a lot of _pain_." Jane's cinnamon brown orbs glittered with sadism.

Jasper returned.

I looked between Jasper and Jane, my mouth hanging open. This ho was straight up insane.

Jane smiled sweetly, "Jake, you should close your mouth before a fly flies in and _chokes_ you."

Jasper gave her an odd look.

"I'll be right back." I stood up and quickly excused myself. Woah. That was the weirdest shit ever. What the fuck. _Seriously_. Jane's laughter danced in my ears, she sounded so sweet. But the girl was wicked. And I saw that in just _seconds _of seeing her, so why couldn't Jasper pick up on that.

"So I see that Jane has already laid down the _Jane-effect_ on you." The boy she had come in with was beside me now.

I ignored him because I was still trying to get over _her_.

"I would be lying if I told you that she's not a total bitch. She likes him, your friend."

I continued to ignore him.

"Alec Ambrosio,"

My eyes darted angrily towards him. "Why are you introducing yourself to me?"

"Because Jane is my twin sister, and I'm sorry that she _scared_ you." Alec smiled suavely. "Jacob Black right?"

"Yeah," I grunted.

"You're the quarterback on the Maryland team." Alec's identical cinnamon brown orbs lit up. "You're a god on the field."

"I'm still not sure why you're talking to me."

Alec cleared his throat.

He was wearing a Burberry scarf, and what looked like designer clothes to me. I didn't like him or his sister. _Bitches_.

"I'm talking to you because I wanted to congratulate you on your season." Alec bit his lip. "And I wanted to buy you a drink."

My eyebrows furrowed.

Alec smiled flirtatiously.

"You got to be fucking kidding me."

Alec scowled. "Are you turning me down?"

"_Bitch_ I don't know you."

Alec's lips thinned. "Too bad," He raised his chin as if he was suddenly too good for me. What a _joke_. "Edward Cullen is your roommate right?"

My body tensed again.

"What's the big deal about him anyways? Girls and guys faint all over him like he's the shit, but really, he's kind of plain to me." Alec wrinkled his nose. "Plain like wheat bread."

I balled my fist.

Alec looked down and then he smiled, "You're _not_ my type anyways."

I wasn't sure how long I stood in place trying to figure out where the hell these _evil_ twins came from. Maybe I was still dreaming. I just felt threatened and I wasn't sure why. Jane, that fucking bitch basically accused me of liking Jasper, and Alec...just hit on me.

My cheeks burned.

"Jake?" Leah touched my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"You've just been standing here for the last five minutes." Her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I quickly put on a smile. Leah saw right through that. "I'm just um..." I scratched my head. "I was about to go. Rachel just called me and it sounds like something is going on at home. I'll call you tomorrow." From the corner of my eye I saw Alec sit down in some random guys lap.

_I wanted to kick his ass_.

Leah pulled me into an unexpected hug.

This was dangerous.

I hugged her back and closed my eyes, but I couldn't stop thinking about Edward.

***

I walked back from the coffee shop. My thoughts were still everywhere. I didn't want to go back to the dorm because I was worked up over Alec and Jane. The last thing I wanted to do was worry Edward about them. They weren't a threat. I just felt protective of him that's all. I saw a group of people leave the performing arts building, and I headed inside just to take up some time.

I walked through the empty halls with my hands in my pockets. I didn't want to think anymore or worry, I just wanted to get finals over with, and enjoy what little time I had left with Edward. I closed my eyes and tilted my head backwards as I tried to clear my thoughts.

For a second my mind was completely empty. When I opened my eyes I realized that I had walked further than I planned. To my right was an open door, and from where I stood I saw a row of chairs and a stage. I slipped inside and took in the vast auditorium. I was pretty sure that I shouldn't be in here. But I liked the emptiness.

I took a seat in one of the chairs and folded my arms over my chest. My eyes drifted towards the stage, and then I got a mental image of Edward pretending to be someone else, and singing on stage. I smiled to myself. Jane and Alec were out of my head now, and it was just Edward filling the space.

Edward and his sexy white glasses, being a badass on stage.

I suddenly had an idea. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. I didn't allow myself to think as I called him.

"Hey Jake," Edward said.

I heard Alice singing 'See You Again' by Miley Cyrus in the background.

"Alice I'm on the _phone_," Edward sighed. "Sorry Jake,"

"It's okay. Hey, I can get you out of the dorm. Bring your guitar and meet me at the performing arts center."

"Huh?" There was a long pause. "Why?"

"Just do it," I said. "_Please_?"

"I don't like the sound of this, but okay."

***

I was waiting for Edward outside when he arrived.

He held out his hands in confusion. "What happened to the coffee shop?"

"I didn't like the _energy _there." I said quickly. I glanced around furtively. It was pitch black outside and no one was around so I reached for his hands. He was freezing. I squeezed his hand tighter as I led him towards the empty auditorium.

"Why did you want me to bring my guitar Jake?"

"Save your questions for when we get there."

"_Hmm_," he murmured.

Once we reached the auditorium. I led him towards the stage. As soon as we were up there, staring at the rows of deserted chairs I gestured grandly. "Take me back to freshman year _Jude_,"

Edward backed up. "Jake? _What_."

I laughed excitedly pushing all the pent up emotion into a darker abyss of my mind. "I've _never_ seen you play up on the stage."

He shook his head. "Believe me you didn't miss out on much."

"The only thing about you Edward, is that you doubt yourself too much."

Edward shifted his weight to the other foot and looked down. The pale yellow light from up above cast down on him, making dust particles float in a halo over his head.

"You sung for me before," I encouraged.

"But _never_ on a stage." Edward pointed out.

"It's just me." I stepped closer to him. "Just pretend like we're back in our dorm, sing for me." My cheeks warmed. I figured that I could stoop low and encourage him with a pity me speech. "Studying for finals are killing me, and I could use an escape." I wanted to touch him again but I fought the urge.

Edward stared thoughtfully back at me. "Well I um...I guess I can do it, if it means so much to you?"

I smiled. "Sweet," I jumped off the stage and took a seat right in the front.

"I don't have my _Jude_ glasses though."

"You don't need them." I told him.

Edward smiled embarrassed. "The things I do for you."

His comment made me feel warm inside.

Edward took his guitar from the case and strapped it around his shoulder. "I'm just going to be _me_ okay." He moved his mouth to the side. "No cigarettes and baby mama past." He chuckled embarrassed.

I swallowed. "That's fine," That was what I wanted anyways. He didn't need to create alter egos with me to feel comfortable enough to perform.

Edward closed his eyes for a few seconds as he started to strum the chords. A familiar melody floated from underneath his fingertips, and then he started to sing. His eyelids were still shut tightly, but his hands moved perfectly, in pace with his lips, and soulful voice.

He sung _Wonderwall_ by Oasis.

I listened in a trance. All I could do was watch as his face twisted with every note. He put so much emotion into his singing. I was completely lost in him. At the end Edward _killed_ it. He took his guitar and really started to jam out on it. This was _him_, when he wasn't being scared or apologetic for showing how talented he was. I couldn't understand why he would want to hide his gift from the world?

After the music stopped I clapped proudly. I wanted him to keep singing. Because when it was just us, and his music, I felt like we were in an alternate reality, a much happier place than this. I ran onto the stage and gave him a high-five, which of course turned into a hug. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body.

In a few days he would be going back to Georgia.

I started to burn again. _Control_.

At least I had to show control before I _brought_ him. We weren't together, not even remotely, but I felt like I wanted to be. My fingers were still holding onto his shirt, but his guitar was in between us. I was lost for a few moments and then I heard voices, I pulled away from Edward, my cheeks hot with fire.

"How did I do?" Edward asked. His face was also red.

"You did kinda awesome." When I looked into his eyes I thought of Alec's comment. How dare he compare Edward to _wheat bread_. Nothing about Edward was plain. That jealous son of a bitch.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked softly.

"You," I admitted. I smiled sheepishly, "_Us_," The words tickled the back of my throat. Be with me. I can't be with Leah right now. I don't want to be, because the worst thing is never knowing, what could've happened between us. I looked down and licked my lips. The words were there, but I couldn't say them yet, the coffee shop _incidents_ had messed with my brain.

I needed to be clear when I explained to him that I was sure about this. I did have rules though, I still didn't want anyone to know, and in public we would behave like we always did. _Batman and Robin_. I strummed a few noisy chords on his guitar. The sound was abrupt.

Edward smiled. He took my hand, using his fingers to shape my own, and then he made me try again. This time with his guidance, the sound was melodic. I smiled when I looked up at him. "What do you want to say to me?" He asked,

"After finals." I said. "After finals I have a proposition for you."

Edward grinned, "Sounds like a _business_ deal."

"I think it's more personal than anything." My voice dropped. I considered kissing him, but it was too risky, because of the voices I had just heard in the hall. The anxious look in his eyes told me that I should change the subject. "Do you think Alice will be finished decorating?"

"No, when I left she went to get her Christmas CD. That means she'll be at it for a while." Edward shrugged. "Did you want to go back to that coffee place? I am in the mood for some caffeine."

"Not from that place." I said quickly. "The coffee is bad. Tastes like water and dirt." The last thing I wanted to do was take him back to that place. Leah was there, and so was that demonic Jane, and her twin Alec, and if Alec cast one obnoxious glance at Edward I would be on him like white on rice.

So it was best to steer clear, before I ended up spending finals week in jail.

**Review**!


	14. Confessions

**AN: **I think that it's safe to assume that most people _didn't_ like the last chapter. And I can completely understand why. _Jane and Alec_. They came in very avant-garde, and it was almost unfair to unleash them on Jake in his current state of mind. I know it may not seem like it, but over the last couple of chapters, Jake has really been trying to open himself up to Edward, and come to some decision on his feelings. Last chapter should have focused solely on that struggle, and I should've saved Alec and Jane until next semester. I think I also made the mistake of bringing them in as these purely wicked characters, especially Jane. But I would never write a character that's just mean to be mean, Alec and Jane do have connections to other characters in the story, and they're here because I can't possibly make this story novel length without villains. And I use that term loosely. Hopefully the readers that may have run for the hills with that last chapter are okay with that. With that being said I wanted to thank the reviewers that made me feel like I didn't suddenly sabatoge this story into 'Breaking Dawn 2.0' I would have to say that my biggest fault when it comes to writing is letting the readers down, I have a path and Ill follow that path, but overall if you're following this story then you're just as attached to the characters as I am. So, thank you immensely to everyone that put in kind words for the last chapter or else...I probably wouldn't have updated until February, thinking over what I could do to fix my mess. **asianpervert- **You didn't offend me! I appreciated your honesty, and more than anything, you showed me how committed you were to the story. Even if you didn't like last chapter that much, you encouraged me to take my time. I really appreciated that. **itouch User 78%**- Make all the requests you like lol, you know I listen when I came. Actually I was planning for before break or in January, when they get back to each other. But I have to be completely back in touch with this story before I write that...because obviously that scene has to be perfect! **Kellie Stults**- Thank you so much for your reviews. I hadn't gotten the chance to thank you in a while. Good luck on your finals! And once again thank you to everyone else, your reviews keep this story alive, especially with last chapter. When I switch into doubt mode! But on a lighter note I was pleased with the support for **Team Alice and Jasper**. Looks like Jane needs to watch her back lol. You guys rock so much. At the end of this chapter I brought up the idea of a trip. I may or may not do it, but if you guys want it, then of course I will. Thanks for the good luck on Finals sweethearts. And everyone that is taking them _breathe_, they'll be over soon and then we have the holidays! –Maddie

**AN**: I own nothing

Chapter 14- Confessions

--Jacob--

The pale morning sunshine filtered into the dorm room. I watched as the light illuminated the dark corners and bounced off the walls. All night I had been restless, tossing and turning, and considering all my thoughts from every angle. My brain was filled to maximum capacity, and if I didn't figure out things soon then I knew I would _implode_. I just needed a sense of normalcy again, and with finals less than a few days away; I was in desperate need of a two-day mental vacation. I racked my hands through my dark hair, and stole a glance at Edward's side of the room. For some reason he was up too, and he was watching me with this confused look. I was sure the expression on my face was..._interesting_ to say the least.

My lips curled into an embarrassing smile. He smiled back at me softly. I still wasn't sure how we ended up here in this situation. It would probably take months for everything to sink in, and me to understand it fully, but I wouldn't change a thing. Even if I was terrified of the world finding out about us.

My heart weakly beat at the frightening thought. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and I tried to chase away all the worry. One thing I knew for sure was that I didn't deserve Edward. He was dependable, kind, and he put up with more of my shit than anyone else would. He made me want to try harder. I quit drinking myself into a stupor for him, and whenever I fell he was _always_ there to catch me. I wasn't used to being saved, but somehow Edward was always saving me.

I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes just yet. I needed to get a few more thoughts under control before I stared into his green orbs. Last night had been dark. Really _dark_. I had been disoriented after running into Jane and Alec, because it felt like they were both attacking me, and the people I loved. I didn't know them, so of course, my first instinct was to fight back. But I was mostly bothered by the way they talked to me.

I shook my head. They were irrelevant. I didn't know them, so why should I worry about it. My thoughts skipped to the auditorium, and heard myself ask Edward to play for me. I needed his music. _Need_. Through the blackness I could see the way he moved his face, his eyes were closed, and his lips moved steadfast to the beat of my heart. When he sung to me I felt him stir something else from deep down. This reckless desire to be with him, hence, my talk of the proposition.

He referred to it as sounding like a business deal.

_It wasn't though_.

Over the last couple of days I had been realizing that I couldn't run from this. If I got back with Leah, then every time I kissed her, my heart would be with him. I didn't want to think too deeply about what that meant, because I loved her, but Edward was always at the front focus these days. Subconsciously, I even feared that he had become another one of my addictions.

My heart didn't want to think that way. But I couldn't explain how else I could fall so deeply for someone I only knew for four months? When my parents were still alive, I couldn't imagine falling in love so quickly. I wrestled with the thought. I hadn't been the same Jake since my parents died. Leah called me out on it all the time, but the truth was that for some reason Edward took me back to the past. He made me experience the emotions all over again from the loss...the pain, the fear, the sadness. And I wasn't sure why that was? Probably because I felt like he understood me, without me going into great detail about how dark things got sometimes.

How many days did I sit in my room after my mom died until someone came and found me? Seth said it was three, but time seemed non-existent then. I was sad. But I was so numb that I couldn't even move or think. I had become addictive and self-destructive, and although Leah helped me get through a rough patch, how did I know that I wouldn't spiral down again. I found solace in few, and I lied to everyone else, so what happened when Leah gave up, and Edward finally grew tired.

I knew I he would get tired of me. Because it was tiring being in my own skin. How much longer would it take to get myself together? It had been _two_ years, and yet here I still was, not quite the boy I used to be. I didn't want to wallow anymore or feel weak, or even worse feel like I would eventually push away all the people I loved.

Why on earth would he want to take on such a loaded task? He saw me at my worst, the ugliest days, and he even knew that I was still in love with my ex. I factored all those things into my selfish wants, and I still drew a big question mark. Why did he want to be with me?

A future with him was uncertain. I didn't even have the slightest idea where we would end up if I went that path. I couldn't imagine bringing him home as my boyfriend, or asking Paul to be my best man at our _wedding_. Everything was hazy. But I couldn't disregard this future because even if I wasn't ready to publicly be his _boyfriend_, I couldn't imagine my life without Edward.

I opened my eyes feeling more overwhelmed that I had been before I slipped into the _thought coma_. Edward was now staring up pensively at the ceiling. To choose Leah now would mean never knowing. I _needed_ to know. The words wouldn't spill out the way I wanted them to, so I kept my mouth clamped tightly.

_They're just words_. I heard him say.

No they weren't just words. What I needed to tell him was defining, and unexplored territory. I had handled my emotions somewhat irrationally, but for the sake of treating Edward better, I needed to express myself clearly. His eyebrows were knitted together. I'm sure he was wondering what the fuck was wrong with me.

You look deep in thought over there?" He commented.

_Snap out of it Jake_. I pushed myself upwards. "Finals are stressing me out."

"Finals stress everyone out," he reasoned. Edward's eyes were lively and he seemed to be in a really good mood this morning. He was probably trying to cheer me up. Give me a little bit of that peach soaked Georgia sunshine.

I smiled gently to myself. "Why are you up so early?"

"Same reason as you, _Finals_," Edward grinned his eyes crinkling at the edges. "I want Winter Break so badly. I can't wait until finals are done."

Alice's bright lights hanging around our dorm suddenly blinded me. I wanted to rip them down. How many days now until he left? All this tortured brooding was making me feel like I needed a three-mile run or something. I needed to crack more jokes with him to keep the conversation light, or else he would read into me. Sometimes I swore he heard my thoughts with the way he picked up on every little mood change. But obviously that was impossible.

"Edward pulled back his sheets. He went over to my computer. "Yesterday I noticed that you were looking at some car in Virginia Beach, and you wrote down directions to get there."

I arched an eyebrow, "Did you check my porn history too Inspector Gadget." If he did, then he would find gay porn, of course, _he_ would make me curious about that too. Edward's cheeks blushed feverishly.

"My computer was off, and I was..." He bit his lip and looked down. "One of the Christmas gifts Alice and I are giving our parents is a baby name book, with at least 25 names picked out from both of us. So I was getting a head start and looking at names."

"And did you find any you liked?" I was relieved to be talking about him.

He smiled crookedly, "Well I'm biased,"

"Biased on what."

"Your name," Edward shifted his weight to the other foot, "But I'll find a few more names."

My chest tightened and I felt sickingly happy. He liked me enough to choose my name for his sibling? _God_. I took my eyes away from him.

"So what did you want to do with that car?"

"I wanted to fix it up." I stood up now. "Keep myself busy over the holidays."

"I doubt you can drive that back up here in that condition."

"I can't," I smiled now. Anything dealing with cars was like therapy to me. I needed to keep myself busy, because that was the only way I could keep it together. "Right after finals are done I'm going to go down there, check out the car, and if it's fixable, Paul and I will go back down there and pick it up."

"Sounds like you just need a reason to get away." Edward said observantly.

"Call it what you want, it'll keep me busy while your down in Georgia." I snorted to myself and crossed over to my dresser to pull out some clothes.

"We have four days until finals officially start." Edward pointed out.

"Trying not to think about it."

"Crazy idea," Edward set up. He walked closer to me, his green eyes filled with mischief. "How about we go down to Virginia today? We're not going to have the chance to celebrate after finals, because I'm going back home as soon as mine are done, so why _not_ before?"

There were a million reasons why I should say no. For one, I couldn't ride all the way down to Virginia with him on my motorcycle, and for two, FINALS, I would definitely fail everything with the distraction of an escape.

"You can bring your books, I'll bring mine, and we can study in the night. Virginia Beach is a four hour drive from here, eight hours total, we just won't sleep." Edward grinned and then he swatted my arm. "We can balance our time?"

He was going to be gone for a whole month, and he was right, I did need to get away from here. It would be like taking that solo trip to Pennsylvania, except with him in tow. Even if we didn't check out the car. Maybe a month's break would be easier to stomach, if it was just _us_ for a day.

Virginia was for Lovers after all.

I blinked. "_Yes_,"

***

An hour later Edward and I were grabbing lunch at the dining hall. I wordlessly devoured my food. I was starved, and thinking over this impromptu trip to Virginia Beach, that Edward and I had planned. There were a lot of wrinkles that we had to iron out. If we stayed in Virginia over night, then we needed to get a _hotel_, and I knew anything on the beach would be sky high. And the hotel wasn't even a primary concern compared to transportation. I could ride my motorcycle forever, but Edward might get annoyed with the wind and other weather elements after two hours.

I focused my attention on him. Edward was smiling to himself like a child who had just accomplished something grand. He made me _smile_. While Edward was reasonable and very mature for his age, there were some moments when I caught a glimpse of his inner child. I loved catching him off guard. "You're not eating." I said to him.

"Can't," Edward said. "I'm really excited for this."

My eyes softened as I looked into his. "You better eat now because we're not stopping on the way." I was purposely trying to sound like a parent. He laughed, his happiness carrying across the table and filled my ears. I reached for my glass of milk and chugged it all down. "At least eat a sausage for me."

Edward narrowed his eyes, "Like your talking to a toddler."

"You _eat_ like one." I was being cute with him and flirting. The words were bubbling again to the surface, but I swallowed them down. I couldn't do it here, in the dining hall with people all around me.

"Fine," He said poking into a paler than it should be sausage, and popping the whole thing into his mouth.

I wondered if he purposely meant to turn me on when he did that. I pretended not to notice, and he finally started to eat. Edward's expression was thoughtful now. He was always pensive. I allowed him to keep his thoughts to himself this time, and I finished off my plate of food.

After we finished eating I brought up the main snafu to our trip. _Transportation_.

Edward's expression remained calm and serene, "Bella offered her truck."

Bella was kind for offering us her truck _again_, but she was being a little too liberal here. I appreciated it greatly, but it was one thing to drive someone else's truck in Maryland, but to take it across state lines, and four hours at that, didn't feel right. "We can't take her truck."

"Well we can't rent one either."

I frowned. "But you don't feel wrong about that?"

"No because _she_ offered." Edward shrugged.

I drummed my hands on the table as I considered her offer. Bella and I weren't close; she was Edward's best friend, so of course it would be easier for him to accept that. I just didn't want to come off like I was using her for her wheels. I licked my lips. "I'm going to ask her in person."

Edward nodded.

"This is why _we_ need a car."

***

I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked to Bella's dorm. Lately I hadn't exactly been nice to her. She was the person that I feared the most would find out about Edward and I, so I'd been distant. When she came over I put on the headphones, and I even distanced myself from _Edward_. He never said anything about that but I knew my behavior had to hurt him too. I knocked on the door twice. If she said yes, I had the full intention of offering to give her an oil change, rotating her tires, and doing what else I could, to thank her.

Emmett answered the door.

_Damn it to hell_.

"Bella, _room service_." He called over his shoulder.

"Can you move so I can talk to Bella?"

"She's a little tied up at the moment, so why don't you come back later." Emmett's eyes narrowed. He let me through anyways. "Yo Bells, Jake wants to have girl talk with you, it's that time of the month again? God he's frequent."

I growled at him.

"You should really check out your _douche._" He chuckled to himself and grabbed his bookbag. "Call me if you need help later, Bella."

"I won't, you need to study too Em,"

"Photographic memory," He boasted as his pointed to his head.

I glanced at her; she was sitting on the bed, with papers all around her. Maybe this wasn't a good time. Emmett was tutoring her. I glared at Emmett until he left the room. I couldn't help it.

"Keep staring at me like that Jake, and I'm going to think your hungry for my man meat."

"Emmett," Bella sighed.

"What?" Emmett shrugged. "It's a compliment. The _Big Alaskan Salmon Beef Patty_ always leaves customers with 100% satisfaction," Emmett licked his full lips and muttered something under his breath that I couldn't hear.

"Yeah you better keep walking." I said to him.

After meeting Alec and Jane, I realized that he was child's play compared to them. Emmett got under my skin, but not like _that_. Emmett closed the door behind him, so now it was just Bella and I. She was staring back at me with a kind smile, kinder than I deserved at least.

"Did you come to get the keys?" Bella popped up.

"Did Edward tell you where we're going?" I asked quizzically.

"Virginia," Bella answered simply. "Go for it. Just bring back the truck, and yourselves in one piece, that's all I ask."

I couldn't help but to wonder, if her response would be the same, nonchalant, if I told her we were going to _California_. "Bella you can say no."

"Of course I can. Ol' Faithful is insured under Charlie's name."

I assumed Charlie was her dad, I tended to tune in and out of conversation when Bella and Edward were talking. "Even more reason to say no."

Bella tilted her head to the side. Her face registered all the signs of confusion, pinched eyebrows, pursed lips, and puzzled eyes. "I said yes Jake, so why are you pressuring me to change my mind." She pulled her hand back, "Did you _not_ want to go with Edward?"

Oh no? I didn't mean to give off that impression.

Bella placed her hands to her cheek. "God it's my fault."

What?

"Please don't be mad at him."

Now it was my turn to be confused. Why the hell would I be mad at him? Was there something that Edward had confided in Bella that he couldn't tell me? Maybe he told her I liked him? I held my breath waiting for her to explain.

"I encouraged him to kiss you. It was my fault. Please don't shut him out."

Bella Swan mystified me. I knew for a fact that she used to have a crush on Edward, but if he had told her that he cared about me, how could she so readily be okay with that. I studied her closely trying to decide if she still had feelings for him. But the worry in her eyes told me that she didn't. She was taking the blame because she did care for Edward, but in the purest since.

She wanted him to be happy. Bella loved him and she realized that I was one of the few people that could really hurt him. Everything started to fall into place slowly as we stared into each other's eyes. I feared Bella because she was observant, and outside of Alice, Bella knew Edward better than anyone else here.

Deep down I realized that Bella would put the pieces together without Edward telling her anything. That first night we met in the truck she looked at Edward and I like we were lovers. And the time we all danced...Bella purposely pinned Edward against me.

"You guys are good friends." Bella continued. "Edward respects you and under any other circumstance he never would've forced himself on you."

I wondered to myself if she was purposely playing games with me. After all this girl did shave off Paul's eyebrows. I couldn't tell if she was being sincere in actually blaming herself for Edward, but I knew that she was the safest alternative to Alice. "Bella,"

"Yes? I'm done."

I took in a deep breath. I couldn't believe that I was actually going to do this. Bella was loyal to Edward. And I was going to take it to my advantage that hurting me, meant hurting him. She would never do that. My hands felt clammy and there felt like a sudden chill was in the air.

"Are you okay Jake?" Bella sounded genuinely concerned.

Why was I doubting her? Or even assuming that she was trying to trick me into confessing anything. I sought her out, and it was me, who was doing the one thing I promised I wouldn't, trust her. And come clean.

"Before I say anything I need you to promise to me that you'll keep your word."

"I promise," Bella said not missing a beat.

_Words_. I could trust her. I could. She would just figure it out anyways. And I couldn't ask Edward to lie to her. He needed someone on his side, someone to keep him from being hurt, if I inadvertently stepped out of line. Because he meant so much to me, this was why I needed to do this. My fists clenched and unclenched.

"We both now that Edward would never _force_ himself on me." My heart was racing. I had to just pull through this. _She won't judge you. Remember that._

"Well I know that. But if you're not gay, a simple kiss, could come off as forceful action." Bella explained.

"I'm not gay." I said quickly.

Bella nodded. It seemed like she was careful not to show any reaction to that. "You don't have to prove that me Jake."

My heart started to beat faster.

"If you don't feel the same way about Edward it's okay. He's tough."

I closed my eyes.

"Why don't you sit down?" she suggested gently.

"I can't or I'm going to lose my nerve. Remind me again that I can trust you."

"Give me one reason why I would ever hurt you Jacob."

I opened my eyes. There was none.

Bella pulled me onto her bed. "Take your time. We can sit here for a while if you want."

"Edward lied to you...and he did it because I needed him to lie." I swallowed. I brought myself to look at Bella now. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she was close to me. "He lied to you because I'm..." I felt my face twist. "I like him."

I heard Bella gasp quietly. I felt like hiding my face from her, but I fought the urge like hell. My chest was heaving and I felt scared. _I said it_. I voiced it to someone aloud. Someone that wasn't Edward, and I was scared.

Bella's hand flew to mine. Her hands were cold, but they provided me with some relief. "Jake why did you tell me that?"

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Jake you didn't have to say anything to me," she whispered.

I pried my eyes open and I forced myself to look at her. Bella had tears glistening in her eyes, but she was smiling encouragingly. Why was _she_ crying. "Edward must be happy." She added.

"He knows how I feel." My lips were tight. I scooted away from Bella. "But he just came out. Edward's gay but I'm not..." I couldn't find the words again.

"Love knows no color, shape, or title." Bella explained to me. "Stop worrying about how the world sees you."

"How can I not." I said seriously.

"Obviously you _can_ to some degree, because look where you're at." Bella replied. "You came to me on your own, and that's got to count for something. Yes, Edward came out, but he doesn't expect you to do the same...gay or not."

"I've never felt anything like this before." I admitted to her. The muscles in my body uncomfortably twitched. I still couldn't believe that I had gotten this off my chest. There was a moment of silence. "I told you about this, because deep down I don't think I'm good enough for him." I stared straight ahead unable to look at her. "And I guess...I expected you to tell me that I wasn't."

"Edward thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world."

I winced.

"So even if I thought you were the slimiest of creatures it wouldn't matter to him." Bella tilted her head to the side, "Jake, I think you really need to have the rest of this conversation with him."

"I don't want to hurt him."

"You can't fall in love without getting hurt."

I wiped at a damning tear that tried to escape. I cracked a weak hearted joke. "What are you some kind of sage today?"

"No, just a girl with way too much time on her hands." Bella rubbed my shoulder again. "Thank you for trusting me Jake. I swear to you that I'll hold everything you told me close to my heart, and lock it tightly with a key." She opened my palm, which was tightly closed and placed her car keys inside. "You guys should get away. Even if it's just a day, alone time could make everything clearer?"


	15. Forever

**AN**: Yay! Finals are finally finished and I can breathe! I survived. Barely. _LOL_, but I'm back! I got some really kind reviews from you guys last chapter that warmed my heart. Ya'll are too awesome and I really appreciated the support. So as a thank you to you guys (my loves) I'm giving you guys just a little bit of what you've been asking me patiently for. Consider it an early Christmas present, just hopefully it doesn't disappoint ;) This chapter is basically just Edward/Jake the entire time. I figured that since they have been on a journey to each other the first half of their freshman year, it was only fitting that they got some closure at the end of this semester. Yes, there is some lemons in this chapter...not dream lemons, but real ones. **Azeron**- I guarantee you that Emmett is way more than a man whore, you'll see more of him when the boys return from winter break, and find out more about who he is, and what drives him. And you're not a bad reader. Elizabeth is in this story, and I used some flashbacks on her, just to give you a little more background to her situation. She could, or could not be an important part of this story later on. **Jamie**- I didn't remember that Harry Potter robe comment so I went back and searched for it. LMAO. **Tash**- I really love your insight. Have you considered psychology, because I swear sometimes you know my characters better than me! **Ever Searching**- You rock thanks so much! And **Chris**- You're such a sweetheart! Thank you. And thanks to **lilli kitty** and **pandatraffic**- for offering to help me with the Virginia Beach location. I was actually born there, so it's nice to see some fellow Virginians. Take care everyone and thanks again for being the absolute best. P.S. there might be one more chapter before Christmas, so if you guys have anything on your wish list for this story, feel free to ask, and I'll see if I can make it happen;) –Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!

Chapter 15- Forever

--Edward--

_"Can I help with the presents mama?" I asked as I watched my mom wrap gifts from the stairs._

_ Esme's golden brown eyes flitted towards me in surprise. "Edward?" she smiled sweetly while trying to hide presents from my line of vision. "Santa will be here soon baby, so you should get to sleep."_

_ "I can't," I said frowning. I gazed upstairs to make sure Alice wasn't around. "Santa isn't real."_

_ Esme's lips thinned. Her cheeks took on a scarlet tinge, and then she raised her hand signaling for me to give her a minute. "Close your eyes Mickey Mouse. No peeking,"_

_ I grinned and placed both hands over my eyes. A few seconds later Esme was taking my smaller hand in hers, and leading me down the stairs._

_ "Why do you have to be so smart kid?" Esme ruffled my tidy chestnut hair; "You're at least supposed to believe in Santa until first grade." We took a seat together amongst the vibrant gold and lavender wrapping paper._

_ "Your father is going to the hospital tomorrow to give out these gifts. He's going to be like one of Santa's elves...except a lot taller," Esme passed me a knowing smile, "And way more handsome."_

_ "Did he sign up to help?" I asked curiously. "Can I help?"_

_ Esme's eyebrows furrowed. "Honey I don't see why not, but remember how sad you were the last time you came from the hospital?" Esme gently stroked my cheek. "I can't bear to see you like that again."_

_ I looked down. "I was only sad because of Ms. Elizabeth."_

_ Esme moved a few presents from in between us and then she pulled me into her lap. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and held me tightly. "You brightened her day Edward. She couldn't stop talking about how special you are."_

_ I settled into the warmth of my mom's embrace. "I want to go and see her. I want to make her feel better, because she shouldn't be alone on Christmas."_

_ "I agree," Esme said gently._

_ The door opened and Carlisle stepped in. "Esme, I was at the mall and I saw this interesting lingerie set from Victoria's Secret..."_

_ Esme drew in a sharp breath. "Carlisle, Edward is awake."_

_ I heard a quick shuffling, and then Carlisle poked his full head of pale blonde hair and creamy alabaster skin into the living room. His cheeks flushed the exact shade of red as my mom's had earlier. "Eddie? What are you doing up? Santa and his reindeer are out."_

_ "Honey, Edward doesn't believe in Santa anymore." Esme explained._

_ "What," Carlisle asked startled. "Edward Anthony Cullen." He placed his hands on his hips. "Don't go breakin' Santa's heart like that." Carlisle pulled off his black trench coat and draped it over the edge of the chair. "Santa is real."_

_ "No he's not daddy." I said with a smile. "It's impossible for Santa to travel across the world in one night."_

_ "Nothing is impossible kiddo." Carlisle tapped me on the nose. "But you should get to sleep?"_

_ "It's okay sweetheart." Esme said to Carlisle. "He can stay down here with me for a little while longer. I still have a lot of presents to wrap, and you know how efficient Edward is." She smoothed down my hair._

_ "Okay that's fine." His blue eyes traveled from me to Esme. "So I guess you'll have to show me my gift some other time. The gift from Vicky?" His lips turned up at the edges._

_ Esme's grip tightened on my shoulders and she giggled into my hair, "Carlisle, please go behave yourself somewhere."_

_ Carlisle snapped his hands. "Oh well it was worth a try anyways."_

_ "Oh and Carlisle, Edward wanted to go with you to the hospital tomorrow." Esme informed._

_ Carlisle paused, "Edward I'm leaving very early in the morning."_

_ "I can get up." I promised eagerly. "And I won't get sad, I swear."_

_ Carlisle's eyebrows furrowed. "If I see one tear..."_

_ "No tears,"_

_ "Just one, I'm taking you home." Carlisle circled back towards me. He bent down on his knees, "Elizabeth is doing a little better, but she has good days and bad days, I'm not sure what tomorrow will be like."_

_ "Thank you for letting me come," I said with a nod._

_ Carlisle passed Esme a worried look. The expression only lasted for a few moments before his face became calmly serene again. "Sure thing Edward."_

***

The day was grey and windy. Bella's classic Chevy was putting up a good fight, despite the elements. I had taken it upon myself to take the driver's seat. Jacob volunteered to help me drive on the way down, but judging by the way he was sleeping, and snoring, with his mouth open, that possibility was unlikely. I smiled to myself as I watched him sleep every now and then stealing a glance on the sly. He was so damn adorable. I couldn't even be mad at him for falling asleep the second we got in the car.

I had been driving for two hours now. Luckily the traffic was light so I was moving, and I was moving _fast_. While patience tended to be a virtue of mine, driving and patience, didn't mesh well for me. I liked to get where I was going, and by any means. It was a wonder that I didn't have any tickets yet. I crossed my fingers. Around campus I heard some stories about how Virginia cops didn't play when it came to tickets, so I didn't want to get any tickets down here.

Jacob made an odd snorting sound.

My eyes widened as I stole another glance at him. I saw Jacob smack his lips together, and then stretch out his arms like a _baby_ waking up from a deep sleep. I was unable to hide my chuckles as I gripped onto the steering wheel a little tighter. Jacob's eyelids fluttered open and he looked around dazed.

"Why are you laughing at me?" he asked tiredly.

_Aww_. He sounded so adorable. My cheeks flushed and I looked away from him, before my love sick facial expression gave me away. I wished I was a better actor sometimes. "I'm not laughing at you Jake."

"Hmm," he snorted. Jacob yawned tiredly. "I can't believe you let me sleep dude. I would've woken your ass up, if you fell asleep on me, on a four hour drive, with no sun, and just gnarled winter trees for miles."

_I didn't believe that_.

Jacob sat up. He was smiling handsomely. Maybe it was just me, but his skin seemed to be glowing with life, and his cheeks were painted with a patch of red. My heart was racing. We had the whole day to be alone, just us, sharing each other's company. I wished every day could be like this. An escape from the norm.

Jacob turned up the radio. Christmas Music was on. "Are you in the holiday spirit?"

I smiled wistfully, "I wasn't, but I'm feeling a little more _Christmassy _these days." I stared into Jacob's thoughtful eyes. "You?"

"Eh," He shrugged carelessly. "After finals ask me again." Jacob went to change the station, but I smacked his hand away. I wasn't sure why I did that. I had no burning desire to listen to Christmas songs.

Jacob squeezed my hand, "What the fuck was that for?" His tone was teasing and husky. Reminiscent of the two days he had been all over me, kissing, and pulling at me like I was _his_. The restraints and limitations on us, suddenly didn't feel so tight now that we were away from College Park, and everyone we knew. At that moment I realized that Jacob was still holding my hand. His fingers were on fire, burning me with electric shocks down to the bone. I held my breath as the world spun in a maddening daze for a few minutes.

"Edward!"

I snapped out of it, and the breath rushed from my lungs, as I slammed onto the breaks. The wheels squealed in protest, but I managed to get control of the truck before it slammed into the Sedan going forty miles per hour in the fast lane! My cheeks warmed in indignation. Granted I was paying more attention to Jacob's lips than the road, the sedan _wasn't_ in front of me a few seconds ago.

Jacob jerked forward and he slammed his hands on the horn. He did it at least five times, cussing out the car in front of us like they could hear him. He created a few colorful combinations of insults I had never heard in my life. Finally, I reached for his arm, and took back full control of the wheel.

"I think they got the message Jake," I breathed still a little startled.

I switched over to the other lane. Jacob rolled down my window, and he leaned forward ready to attack. "Jake, it's okay."

He ignored me.

The driver in the Sedan was an old lady. She was hunched forward, both hands on the wheel, and staring at the road like she couldn't see.

"Man, someone needs to take Grandma's license away." Jacob muttered under his breath, "Next thing you know she'll be crossing the divider and driving into oncoming traffic."

The Grandma saw us staring and all of a sudden she _flicked us off_.

My mouth dropped.

"You were supposed to hit me dickwads, so I could get paid!" Grandma suddenly floored it, and within seconds she had cut off _another_ car.

I was speechless. Silently I turned to Jacob my eyes filled with disbelief. "Did grandma really just try to con us into hitting her?"

Jacob started laughing. After I got over the initial shock I couldn't help but to laugh with him. _What the hell_? I was giggling now, and my stomach was tight from all the laughter. "Why is it that we always attract the crazies?" I asked him.

"Must be your natural musk Ed Monkey." Jacob tossed in. He paused to look at me as if he didn't mean to say that. "Did you catch Mildred's license plate? Because someone needs to report her to the Virginia PD,"

I arched an eyebrow. "Ed who?"

Jacob bit his lip. "I can't get anything past you huh? _Ed Monkey_," He laughed gently and then rubbed behind his neck. "You don't remember?"

"Vaguely."

"When you were high as Lil' Wayne, you came up with that name." Jacob looked down, "Right before you kissed me."

"So we _did _kiss when I was high." I passed a few glances his way and my heart ached. "I'm sorry I did that to you."

"Nah," Jacob waved his hands. "Even though you were out of it, the kiss was _nice_." He glanced out the window absently. "We probably wouldn't be here if you didn't kiss me."

My heart slowed. Where was _here_? Sneaking away together, exchanging meaningful kisses that may never lead to anything, or experiencing a torrent of emotions that I might never be able to fully share because of fear?

"Remember how I used to always joke around about us fucking like animals in a barn?" Jacob asked out of the blue. He took in a deep breath. I got the feeling that talking about our first kiss made him feel at ease to share more.

"How could I forget?" I smiled coyly.

"The second week after we moved into our dorm, I started having these dreams about you." Jacob turned down the heat. "And these weren't just regular dreams, they were sexual, and graphic, and I liked them. But they were _just _dreams."

Jacob turned his whole body towards me now. "I've never really questioned my sexuality, even if I liked making Paul and Embry uncomfortable by talking about gay sex and..."

"Wait, you talked about _gay sex_ with _them_?"

Jacob nodded slowly, "I'm the joker, it's my role, to make people laugh, at any expense. And I've never been the one in my pack to be close-minded, so I got away with it. But you made me see things differently. When I joked with you, it wasn't like toying with Paul. I actually got hard at the thought of you doing things to me...or me doing things to you." Jacob's voice trailed off.

"I don't want to distract you while you're driving." He moved his mouth to the side, "Just in case Reckless Granny decides to appear again."

"For the last hour Frank Sinatra has been keeping me company." I tilted my head towards the radio. "Consider this payback for falling asleep on me." I bit my lip hoping that I had sold him on continuing.

Jacob laughed a little, "There is nothing else to say, except that when you kissed me at Quil's school, I realized that this was real. I liked you and that scared the shit out of me." He closed his eyes, "And I still feel like I owe you an apology for the day you came out. I was such a fucking asshole to you."

I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"And on your birthday I wasn't there."

"You didn't know." I defended.

Jacob settled into his chair. His expression was contemplative. "I'm tired of letting you down."

"I've forgiven you a long time ago for my birthday. And remember you brought me a cake. Everything is good now."

"You're kinda my best-friend you know that." Jacob stared straight ahead, "Which is why I think I give you so much of my fucked up emotions, and why I take it personally when I let you down."

I wasn't expecting him to say that. My heart beat weakly, in perfect synchronization with his words, that flowed like honey from his lips to my ears. I wondered how he could call himself a screw-up, when he just sat here and confessed everything to me. His heart was always in the right place. "You expect more from yourself than I do."

"Maybe," Jacob shrugged.

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"Did you want me to take over?" He reached for the wheel.

I smiled sweetly, "Nah, I kind of like driving you around."

Jacob sat up, he was grinning and his eyebrows were knitted together, "What if we drove for a while, and decided not to come back until next semester."

"I would go, but we'd just have to call Bella, and let her know that we're kidnapping her truck for an indefinite amount of time." I snickered.

Jacob's smile fell a little. "Speaking of Bella, I have to admit that she isn't so bad. I judged her without knowing her, and I think..." his lips tightened. "Don't laugh at me, but I think I was jealous that you guys were so close."

"Jacob jealous?" I asked trying to be light, but secretly pleased that he cared so much. "Bella and I are like siblings, if I wasn't obviously into dick, then still anything between us would be _incestuous_."

"You don't have to prove anything to me. I was just unknowingly trying to stake claim, where I had no business _staking_. I didn't deserve you then, and I still don't, because God knows..."

"That you're absolutely _perfect._" I cut off.

Jacob's lips closed and he smiled. He didn't bother to argue with me any further.

***

The rest of the ride to Virginia Beach was smooth. The further south we went, the greyer the clouds became. As I drove I took in the pounding tides coming in over the Atlantic. Being here made me realize how much I missed Savannah. I didn't go to the beach often, but I liked knowing it was there, just in case, I ever wanted to swim, or walk along the beach and get lost in my thoughts. The wind picked up a little as well, trying it's best to push the Chevy into the other lane, but I drove with a tight grip, and even slowed down a little.

The cops were out in full force in Virginia Beach. It had become a game to us to count just how many people the cops had pulled over. Our final total was _eleven_. As we got closer to the shore Jacob pulled out his directions. It took fifteen minutes to get to the quaint house overlooking a pond, and decorated modestly with Christmas lights, and plastic candy canes leading to the door.

Jacob cast his eyes wearily at a house not to far away, with lights galore, statues all over the place, a Santa with a sleigh, and snow angels. "Look at all that shit. Some people go way to far."

I smirked. "Bah Humbug Scrooge." I killed the engine. "They're expecting you right?" I tilted my head towards the house.

"Well yeah...I called the guy and told him I would check out the car before I bought it. But I did say that I would come after finals." Jacob shrugged. "But whatever," He opened the passenger door and hopped out.

I followed suit and walked behind him with my hands shoved in the pockets of my dark blue jacket. Jacob rang the doorbell and he turned around to look at me. He smiled and I smiled back. It looked like he wanted to say something, but the door opened. An older African-American woman stared back at us like we were trick-or-treaters, eighteen-year-old trick-or-treaters in December.

"Whatever you're sellin' I don't want it."

My cheeks warmed.

"Ma'am we're not selling anything." Jacob said politely.

"Well then _goodbye_." She started to close the door.

"Mabel," an older man said joining her. "Why do you have to scare everyone away for? You didn't even give the boys a chance to say hi."

"Well then Ernest why don't _you_ see what they want, because I'm in the middle of my dinner, and I don't have time for boy scouts." She snipped.

I folded my arms behind my back a little nervously. Jacob probably should've told them that we were coming _today_. As soon as Mabel walked away, Ernest gave us a kind and apologetic smile. His eyes crinkled around the edges.

"Sixty years, and she still thinks that she is the boss of me." He looked between Jacob and I, "Can I help you two young men with anything?"

Jacob extended his hand. "Mr. Ernest we talked over the phone about your Rabbit."

_Mr. Ernest_. I tried not to laugh. Never before had I heard Jacob be so polite.

"Oh right Jake," Ernest shook his head. "Come on in. It's cold out there."

I didn't want to come in, only because I was still a little scared of Mabel.

Jacob stepped inside, completely comfortable. Ernest placed his hand on my back.

"The car is in the garage, just give me a second to grab my jacket and I'll show it off." Ernest chuckled and then he ran up the stairs.

"Ernest!" Mabel hollered.

"Yes dear?" He asked patiently.

"You better tell those boys to take off their shoes before they walk on my freshly scrubbed floor."

In seconds I was taking off my Converse's even though I had no plans of venturing any further. I would just stay at the door like a wallflower, and stick close to Jacob and Ernest.

After a few minutes Mabel appeared in the door leading from the main entrance to the kitchen. "He might be a while. Ernest moves at the pace of a tortoise." She waved us into the kitchen. "You can come in here and take a seat."

"I like her," Jacob said quickly walking towards the kitchen where she had disappeared.

"What," I latched onto his arm. "But she doesn't like _us_."

"If she didn't like us, then she would've made us wait outside." Jacob tugged on my hand. "You're southern so you should know it's rude to ignore hospitality." His eyes were twinkling.

He was right. I walked into the kitchen gently easing my hand out of Jacob's, because he seemed to forget it was there. Mabel's kitchen was immaculately clean, and the first thing I noticed was her refrigerator with pictures upon pictures covering the surface.

"I'm sorry if I scared you two." She apologized, but her expression still told me that she didn't play. "The kids around here are bad as shit. They come talking about boy scout cookies, and the next thing you know, a water balloon is being thrown at your face. Bad as the devil, all of 'em." Mabel smiled a little. "But that's why I got a broom right by the door, I dare another troll to water balloon me."

Jacob was chuckling.

Mabel smiled, "So which one of you wants the Rabbit?"

"Me," Jacob said.

"Hmm, that car comes with a lot of history, young man." She stirred a pot of boiling water on the stove. "I hope you plan on treating it right." Mabel's eyes flitted to me. "You okay dear you look a little...scared."

_Fuck_. "I'm sorry that we just dropped in on you." The words fell out of my mouth.

Mabel smiled, "Please, don't worry about that. Believe it or not, Ernest and I actually like having guests. Makes the house feel a little less lonely."

"I'm ready." Ernest said appearing in the doorway with his winter jacket.

"Don't talk the boys to death." Mabel advised her husband. She looked at both Jacob and I, "Once he starts, he doesn't stop. Ernest has a story for everything."

I was starting to feel a little more comfortable now. I looked around the kitchen taking in the pictures on the refrigerator again, I was so busy staring that I didn't realize when Jacob and Ernest left.

Now it was just me and Mabel in the kitchen. I considered sneaking out the door, and following after Jacob, but I just stood there awkwardly, hands in my pockets.

"So where are you boys from?" Mabel asked as she hummed to herself. She was humming 'Amazing Grace.'

"I'm from Georgia, and he's from Maryland."

"Is he you're little boyfriend?" Mabel slowly turned around to look at me.

I wasn't expecting her to ask that. _Uncomfortable_.

"It's okay," Mabel waved her hands, "I'm not that old that I don't understand young people, and the secret codes they give each other. Child, every look that boy gives you is loaded."

My cheeks warmed.

Mabel chuckled to herself, "Sorry dear, I should mind my own business."

"No, it's okay." I took a step closer. "What are you making?" I asked. For some reason I wanted to know what _loaded_ looks she was referring to. But I just couldn't come out and ask that right now.

"Pot Roast." Mabel explained. "Ernest might keep your friend for a while, so dinner might be done by then." An unspoken invitation to eat dinner there lingered in the air. That was nice of her considering that Jacob and I had just showed up unexpected.

"Are those all your grandkids?" I asked gesturing towards the refrigerator.

Mabel nodded, "And they keep coming." She smiled wistfully to herself, "Soon I'll have to buy two refrigerators. And honey if you want there is a television in the den, you don't have to watch me cook."

"No it's okay. If you don't mind I'll stay here."

Mabel nodded her eyes wandering over me. "You're a very polite young man."

I looked down sheepishly. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Go right on ahead."

I hunched my shoulders a little, and concentrated on the steam rising from the pot. "When you said loaded looks, what did you mean?"

Mabel opened the stove and checked whatever was inside. "I meant that he looks at you like you're the only thing that matters in this world. Your life is very much _his_."

I held my breath. This feeling of sadness...but happy sadness, like bells were ringing in my ears, overtook me. How could someone else notice that, especially a stranger. They couldn't, unless it was true. I knew Jacob cared, but I didn't think he cared that much. After all I always felt like I was on the bottom of the Jacob totem pole, a few _thousand_ pegs under Leah.

"Why are you so shocked by this?" Mabel put her hands on her hips. "He never told you that he loves you?"

"Err no," I stammered.

"Well what is he waiting for? Life is way too short to be sitting around dwindling your thumbs."

"We just met a few months back." I explained. I was experiencing a stranger-on-the-train moment. Mabel gave me her full attention, and I knew that she was coming from a good place. I couldn't help but to get it all off my chest. "He's confused."

"Can't be that confused." Mabel said with a snort. "Looking at you like you were a tenderloin porkchop."

I laughed. My stomach twisting and turning with genuine happiness.

"Ages ago, before the dinosaurs walked the earth, when I was still in high-school and strutting around like that Bianca..." Mabel paused. "_Beyona_...wait, what's that singer's name, the one with all the booty."

"Beyonce," I said.

Mabel chuckled, "Yeah, _her_. Back then I was something else. All the boys wanted me, but I was focused. I didn't just want any sucka on the block, and I let them know it too. Ernest worked up the nerve to come up to me one day in his powder blue suit...his Sunday best..." Mabel grinned, "And he looked at me twice, and then told me that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I made that man move mountains to win me, but he never stopped moving, because he made up his mind that I was the one he wanted his forever to be with."

I rested my hand against my cheek.

"I was eighteen when I realized that Ernest was the one I wanted. He had to leave me to go fight a war, for me to realize that." Mabel shook her head. "Until this day I'm so blessed that he decided not to die on me over there."

My eyebrows furrowed.

"When he came back, I held him in my arms for days. I couldn't leave him alone, because I was scared to death that it wasn't real. But it was." Mabel smiled softly, "You young people throw some things away sometimes without realizing how special it is. Trust me; don't let that boy get away from you. Don't throw him away."

I sat up a little straighter. There was absolute certainty in Mabel's eyes as if she had seen the future, and in that future, Jacob and I were together. She made my heart ache, for the same thing I had wanted since I was young enough to know what love was.

Unconditional love. The safeness of knowing that no matter how low times got, there would always be someone, one person out in the world, that loved you like family, even though they didn't have to. That person who was bound to you solely because they wanted to be everywhere you were.

"Thank you." I said to her.

Mabel waved her hands as if it was nothing. "Why don't you go check on your handsome friend, and make sure Ernest isn't talking him to death about lawnmowers."

I smiled and pushed myself upwards. I went to the door, and slipped outside.

I heard laughter spilling from the garage. A smile crossed my face at the sight of Jacob, _my Jacob_, leaning against the car, talking to Ernest. He was so lively and telling some story, energetically. My heart thumped, and I had to stop and stand back and watch him for a few seconds.

I missed that smile.

Jacob turned his head towards me, his smile never leaving his face, and then he waved me over. I walked towards him across the field. When I reached him, he slipped his hand inside mine. Every thing slowed until it came to a halt. It was if the world had literally stopped spinning, and everything was frozen, the wind, the breath filling my lungs, everything because Jacob's hand was in mine.

We were standing behind the car so Ernest couldn't see our hands entwined, but it still meant the world that he would touch me like this with an audience. I stole a glance at him. And I realized that I had never felt so complete in my life.

***

_I handed out Christmas gifts in one of my dad's lab jackets. It was way too big for me, and made me look shorter than I actually was, but I felt so high. The smiles on every face I handed a gift to really warmed my heart. The last place we stopped at was Elizabeth's room. I held my breath as I waited to go in to see her. Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder._

_ "Alice and Esme are already in there buddy."_

_ I nodded slowly, "Okay," Carlisle opened the door for me, and the first thing I heard was laughter. Elizabeth was sitting up in her hospital bed, and Alice was sitting beside her. Esme stood at the foot of the bed._

_ "Little man!" Elizabeth cheered._

_ My feet instinctively ran towards her. Alice hopped off of the bed just in time, and I threw my arms around Elizabeth. She laughed musically, while wrapping her arms tightly around me. I grabbed onto her shirt and clung to it for a few moments, as if letting her go would mean the end of everything._

_ "Allie sweetie," Esme said gently. "I think we should give Edward and Elizabeth some time alone."_

_ "Esme," Elizabeth spoke up, her voice cracking a little. "That's not necessary." _

_ Elizabeth let me go and looked into my eyes, "How is your Christmas so far?"_

_ "Good now,"_

_ "Did you open your presents yet?" Elizabeth asked placing her hands on my shoulders._

_ "Not yet, I've been handing out gifts all morning with my dad." I said._

_ Elizabeth passed a thoughtful look Carlisle's way, "This kid you have is an old soul." She grinned. "He'd rather give to others than receive for himself on Christmas!"_

_ "Are you okay?" I asked her._

_ "My hearts beating Edward, and my favorite kids in the world are here." Elizabeth reached out her other hand for Alice, "I have to say that this is the best Christmas present ever."_

_ "Elizabeth," Carlisle said stepping forward. "How about we go for a little ride around the hospital? You feel up for it."_

_ "Are you kidding me Carlisle? I've been begging to get out of this room forever."_

_ Carlisle picked me up easily in his arms, "Excuse me for a second kiddo." He placed me on the floor. Carlisle reached for Elizabeth's hand, "Esme can you bring the wheel chair for me?"_

_ "I think I can walk today." Elizabeth said staring into Carlisle's eyes._

_ He didn't seem crazy about the idea, but he nodded anyways. "My only condition is that we at least bring the wheelchair just in case."_

_ Elizabeth rolled her eyes teasingly, "Only because you insist on treating me like a weakling." She allowed Carlisle to help her up. He held on for a few moments, and then he let go. Elizabeth swayed, but she balled her fists, and then she stood firmly on both feet._

_ I went over to stand by Elizabeth and took her hand. "Just in case you feel like you're going to fall," I said quietly._

_ Alice took Elizabeth's other hand, "Just in case," she repeated._

_ Together we walked through the hospital, Alice, Elizabeth, and I in a solidarity line, and Esme and Carlisle walking behind us. _

_ "Hey guys I have an idea, but the idea won't work unless you get your mom to do us a favor." Elizabeth crouched down, "Has anyone been for a ride on the wheelchair express?"_

_ "No, never," Alice said with wide eyes. "But I wanna go."_

_ "Then convince your mom to push us." The dullness in Elizabeth's green eyes faded and was replaced with excitement. "Esme, I feel a little winded." Elizabeth said turning around to look at my mom and dad. "Who wants to go first?" Elizabeth whispered so only we could hear._

_ "Edward can go," Alice said draping her arm around me. _

_ Esme brought the wheelchair over. _

_ Elizabeth thanked Esme and as soon as she sat down, she patted her lap. "Take a seat Edward."_

_ Elizabeth reached for my hand and pulled me into her lap. She felt so thin and frail, but when I turned around to look into her eyes, I saw so much life. She was alive, and breathing, and she was happy._

_ "Edward was wondering if you could give us a little push around the hospital?" Elizabeth asked. "There are no patients on this side, just snack machines, and empty windows. Please Esme, this little guy has been working so hard." Elizabeth whispered in my ear. "Give her the puppy dog eyes Eddie,"_

_ My cheeks warmed as I followed Elizabeth's advice, and made my eyes as big as possible. _

_ Carlisle looked around, "No one usually comes back here except patients." He smirked at Elizabeth, "Esme, it's fine."_

_ Esme looked worried about something. Her frown faded when her eyes connected with mine. "Edward hold on tight okay."_

_ "Okay mama," _

_ Esme latched onto the bars and then all of a sudden she started to walk quickly, the wind rush past us, I closed my eyes, and enjoyed the feeling or the air against my cheeks, and for a few seconds I felt like I was flying. Laughter escaped my lips, and I heard Elizabeth laugh as well._

***

"So are you going to buy the car?" I asked Jacob once we were alone.

"I'm _definitely_ buying the car." Jacob traced his hands along the exterior. "They're cute." He said softly. "Mabel and Ernest, they kind of remind me of my grandma and grandpa."

I watched as he inspected the car like it was a treasure. "How long do you think it'll take to fix it up?"

"Depends on how distracted I need to be." Jacob opened the passenger's door, and then closed it. He nodded to himself and then walked back towards me. "You don't want to go back to Maryland tonight do you?"

"_No_," I said quickly.

Jacob's eyes crinkled warmly. "Good, it's getting late though so we shouldn't stay here too much longer. Remember we have to _study_ for finals anyways." There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I looked down at my hand remembering not that long ago that our hands had been entwined.

"Funny story." Jacob blushed. "Ernest asked if we were dating."

I watched Jacob cautiously expecting this to upset him, but oddly he grinned. I still waited though for some kind of negative reaction. I was openly gay now, he wasn't.

"I told him that we _were_."

His words completely took me off my feet. For a second everything went black. Jacob walked across the garage towards me, and then he took my hands in his. I assumed that he could see that my world was spinning, so he was _grounding_ me.

"Not the reaction you were expecting huh?" His thumbs traced the insides of my palm, and then he squeezed my hands. I could see his chest rising up and down, "I honestly wasn't expecting to feel this way either, but I've realized something."

"What?" I asked staring deep into his eyes.

"I'm not ashamed of being seen with you, or even of loving you." Jacob looked down. "I'm just scared of rejection by the people I love, Rachel, Leah, even Paul." He licked his lips, "But down here, when it's just us, I realize that I don't give a fuck about how people see me. I'm really glad your in my life, and that's all that really matters."

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. That was probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

"I told Bella," Jacob said in one breath.

"_What,_"

"I told her that I cared about you in a more than friendly way." Jacob let go of my hands and then he touched my cheek, his eyes were yearning and filled with fascination. "I want us to have a fresh start. Can you forgive me for everything?" Jacob looked down and a playful smile teased his beautiful face, "All my sins and transgressions against you."

My eyes filled with tears. He was going to make me cry. Before one tear could fall Jacob kissed each of my eyelids. My body shook, and I gripped onto his shirt. He wrapped me up protectively in his arms, and he held me there.

I couldn't believe that he had told _Bella_ for me. Jacob was doing everything that he said he wouldn't, without me even having to ask. "Jake," I whispered tangling my fingers in his shirt. "Are you sure you want to do all this...for me?"

Jacob leaned away, his dark eyes were suddenly very serious. "Edward, how I'm feeling right now...I would seriously burn down the world for you, if you asked me too."

I didn't want to cry so I buried my face in the safety of his neck. His hands rubbed my back soothingly. I couldn't stop all these feelings rushing through me. Excitement. Love. Fear. Anxiety.

"This car is a distraction from you." Jacob admitted. He pulled away. "I figure that I'll work from sunup to sundown to keep my mind off of you while you're gone." He cracked a smile, "Man, it feels good to be honest, and not have to worry about regretting every _truth_."

Ernest walked back into the garage. "Sorry," He apologized when he walked in on us hugging.

Jacob slowly leaned away from me, "Thanks again for letting me check out the car on such short notice. I'm going to buy it, so please don't sell it to anyone else."

"The car is yours," Ernest said kindly. "And Mabel told me to ask ya'll if you wanted to stay for dinner. Feel free to say no," He chuckled, "Don't let her intimidate you into saying yes."

***

After dinner Jacob and I left. Mabel and Ernest were compassionate, and for some reason I felt like being near them made Jacob and I closer. It was unexplainable, but I had never felt more comfortable around two people I didn't know in my life. We drove in silence. Jacob turned up the heat for me, and he folded his arms behind his head.

"Before we find a hotel, we should stop by the beach." He suggested.

I didn't have a problem with that. I got back on the interstate towards the Oceanfront. I wanted to talk to him about the things he had told me, but as I usually did, when it came to him. _I lost my nerve_.

I parked the truck, and together Jacob and I walked towards the boardwalk. The night was relatively quiet and only a few people walked the streets. The wind was brutal whipping my jacket around my body, I put on my hood, and walked with my head bent. The salty scent of sea water wafted to my nose. Jacob was walking close beside me.

"It's flurrying." He said.

"What?" I raised my head. My hood flew off, and the wind lashed against my cheeks. He was right. It was flurrying. I smiled feeling this childish thrill. I had always been fascinated with snow. I held out my hand trying to catch each one of the tiny flakes.

"This probably won't last long." Jacob said. He patted me on the back, "Race ya?"

Before I had a chance to race him, he took off running. I saw his silhouette in the darkness, his legs moving fast, and his arms pumping by his sides. I chased after him. The wind whipped in a frenzy around me, scattering the tiny white flakes around. Jacob ran for a while, he even showed off and did a few front flips.

I had no idea he was so _acrobati_c.

He slowed down and I caught up to him. I purposely crashed into his body. Jacob whirled around and wrapped his hands tightly around me, pulling me down to the cold sand. The waves washed onto shore, showering freezing specks of sea foam onto our entwined bodies. Jacob was on top of me now, his hands digging into the wet earth. I clung onto his shirt not wanting this moment to end.

We walked around for a little while until we ended up at the pier. The hungry waves licked greddily at the wooden pillars. I liked the fact that it was just us out here, because the beach felt intimate, like it was ours. I stared out at the dark abyss that was the Atlantic Ocean stretching on endlessly. I pushed myself onto the ledge so I could get a better view of the inky blackness and white flurries.

"Edward what the _fuck_ are you doing?" Jacob growled suddenly. He sounded scared to death.

I smirked, "I just wanted a better view. It's beautiful out here."

Jacob grabbed onto my ankle, "If you fall...Edward just get the hell down from there."

My eyebrows knitted. I really was making him nervous. "What if I fell?"

"Don't ask me 'what if' questions. Just get down from there."

This was a little cruel of me, but I wanted him to tell me again that I was special. After all when we went back to College Park, this dream could _still_ fade away like a meteor shooting through the sky. I waited. Jacob's eyes only got darker.

"I _can't _swim." He snapped. "But if you fell..." he spoke through his teeth. "Then I would obviously jump in, and all that would accomplish was us both drowning. Cullen, I swear to God, if you don't get your ass down from there..."

"You're going to what?"

Jacob's lips thinned, "Please," he sounded like he was in pain now.

"Jake," My voice softened. "You can't swim?"

Jacob clenched his jaw, "Don't go repeating that, because no one else needs to know I'm a freakish man child."

The cold air stung my cheeks. "I think it's kind of cute." I jumped down onto the wooden planks beside him.

He gave me a cutting look. "Don't do that to me again. Getting up on that ledge like you lost your damn mind..." He paused and then he looked down. "God I sound like your parent now."

I laughed and nodded in agreement. I didn't agree though, because I didn't think he sounded like a parent, just someone who cared, and couldn't stand to lose me. That was clear, and his actions from kissing me in the garage, to telling me he would basically _drown _for me, sung it loudly.

***

Jacob and I stayed at a hotel overlooking the beach.

The first thing I thought when I looked at the king sized bed was _sex_. The thought excited me, and made me hard on cue, but then I realized, that I couldn't have sex down here with him. Now we were sitting on the bed together. Jacob was flipping aimlessly through the channels, he stopped every now and then on couples kissing. And on HBO, there was a couple having sex, Jacob stayed on that channel the longest. My heart was racing.

I tried to keep my dick under control as I read into the obvious messages he was sending me. The day had been great. It couldn't be anymore clear that Jacob cared about me, but to have sex in a hotel, my first time, just felt cheap. I wanted him to fuck me in our dorm, because it was our home. My cheeks warmed at the ridiculous scope of my thoughts.

I just needed to take a shower. Yes a shower.

"Cullen?" Jacob asked me.

"Yep?"

Jacob chuckled. "_Yep_?"

I smiled crookedly, "What's up?"

"You've been quiet as a ghost the last fifteen minutes." He lowered the volume and turned towards me. "What are you thinking about?"

"It shouldn't be too hard to figure that out." I tilted my head towards the television, "You've been porn spamming my brain since we came in here. Is there something _you_ want to tell me?"

That was probably the wrong question. I turned to look at Jacob, and I saw it in his eyes. His cheeks were flushed, and he was looking at me like I was ice cream, that he wanted to keep licking until he got dizzy and full. Shivers traveled up my spine. Reason was hard to grasp whenever he was near, staring at me like that, and licking his lips.

Why did he make me so weak? I held him off before, but I had more reason to resist back then. But tonight we were in a different state, and he was doing everything he could to pursue me. Without even looking at the remote Jacob muted the television.

Desire was coming up quickly. I couldn't fight it. Jacob scooted closer to me. He smiled teasingly. A devilish glint was in his eye. I was turned on by that mischievious look. He wrapped his fingers around my arms and pulled me with ease into his lap. _Fuck_. His cock pressed through his jeans into my side.

I closed my eyes. Jacob's breath was on my cheek and then he kissed me softly.

"I can stop," he said.

"Stop?" My words betrayed me. "_Don't_." When I opened my eyes again I saw that he had lost a fraction of the nerve he had before. I didn't want to have sex here, but I did want to have _something_. I could only exhibit so much control when he was practically begging for me.

Jacob bit his lip, "Maybe we should've gotten two beds. I'm horny as shit." He looked away from me.

"And you think I'm not?" I smiled softly. I turned my hand over and caressed his flushed cheek, "Just sit back and don't say anything." I traveled my fingers up to his black hair, and worked my way through the softness, until my freezing hands were on the back of his neck. "Just relax."

Yeah this pretty much was the point of no return.

He was looking back at me with a hint of danger now. _Good danger_. Jacob chuckled to himself and then folded his arms behind his head. My mouth dropped. What the fuck made him think I was going to suck his dick...even if I was.

Jacob snickered, "The prettiest ones always go down the easiest." His voice was shaky, and he was obviously as nervous as me. But I could tell that he was trying to hide it, by being cocky.

I could argue with him just for the heck of it, and tell him he was dead wrong, but my mouth was watering, and I had an insatiable hunger, that could only be filled by...

"Eat my meat." Jacob grinned.

I rolled my eyes, "You can keep ruining the mood by saying things like _that_."

"Sorry, I rarely ever get the chance to talk dirty to you." His lip curled. "It turns me on."

I smiled bashfully and looked down. "You better not laugh at me."

"I won't laugh...just don't bite me down there," He whispered. Jacob gave me a kiss on my nose, "Lips no teeth."

I unbuckled his belt. I obviously wasn't going fast enough because Jacob swatted my hands away and in seconds his pants were off. He left on his black boxer briefs though.

I was nervous. Probably about as nervous as I was eager to give him head. I had fantasized about this moment for a few months now. And I didn't want to ruin it. What if I was bad, or even worse what if I started and he pushed me away. I probably couldn't stomach that rejection from him.

His eyes were softening and I saw concern in his eyes. He probably thought I was backing down. _No_. I wasn't sure when we would be in this situation again, and I wanted at least a _taste_ of Jacob to hold onto, before we left each other for a month.

"Georgia you don't have..."

Before he could say anything else I lowered my face to his crotch. I closed my eyes and wrapped my mouth around the bulge protruding from his briefs. He shifted his body a little. I flicked my tongue against the cloth, teasing him, and listening with pleasure to the sound of his sharpened breaths. I closed my mouth entirely over the fabric teasing him with what was to come.

It only took a few seconds of sucking at his boxers to realize how eager I was to get to him. The butterflies in my stomach calmed when I looked up at him. Jacob's hands were raised as if he wanted to touch my head, but for some reason he didn't. We stared at each other for a few minutes, and then he closed his eyes, and tilted his head back.

I pressed my nose against his russet skin, hot and delicious, as if he had been standing next to an open flame. Carefully I bit down on the elastic waistband and pulled his boxers down his waist with my teeth. His cock, sticky with pre-cum grazed my cheek. I experienced a rush of pure temptation.

Jacob placed his hand underneath my chin stopping me. I looked up at him impatiently and then I caught myself. There was no turning back now. I wanted this so badly that I couldn't even connect all the reasons why I should keep his dick out of my mouth. I just wanted it. I wanted him, and everything else came second.

Jacob breathed in slowly. His eyes were sated and hungry. "Baby I'm just taking off my underwear. Finishing the job."

_Baby_. The way he said it, husky, and with a salacious hint made me feel like I had all the power in the world. I wrapped my hands around his throbbing dick. My mind was now trying to throw a multitude of emotions my way, but I ignored all of them. My fingertips trailed the length of him, and then I rubbed my thumb against his shaft, swept in by how big he was.

I couldn't possibly get all that in my mouth.

"Edward," Jacob whispered.

I ignored him and I leaded forward. I closed my lips over his tip. My mouth instantly started to water as I swallowed every ounce of pre-cum. His body shivered again, and my dick pressed eagerly against my jeans. I ignored my own needs and opened my mouth wider taking a little more of him in. His hands were on my head now. Jacob wrapped a fistful of my hair in his hands. _Too rough_. But my mouth was too full for me to tell him that. A few seconds later he eased up on his grip.

Jacob swiveled his hips around slowly, giving me a little more with each movement. I gagged a few times, and whenever I did, he suddenly became still. I hated when he stopped pushing his dick further into my mouth, the longer I sucked him off the better I got at it. Jacob gripped onto my hair again. His whole body went rigid.

"Ed...I'm gonna come." His teeth grinded together and he closed his eyes.

I bobbed my head up and down eager for him to explode. The salty sweetness of his cum filled my mouth. I swallowed it all in one gulp and went down further on his cock, trying once more to get him all in my mouth. He stopped moving, and then suddenly I became nervous.

The sexual heat still lingered in the air, but the deed was done. I sat up, and I looked at him. Jacob was smiling, and he was drenched with sweat, like we had _sex._ I clenched my jaw. "How was I?"

I tried to be confident, but despite the fact that I enjoyed sucking his dick, I had no idea how good I was to him.

"You swallowed." He said.

I smiled crookedly my face hot as hell. "Why wouldn't I?"

My response made his eyes flicker with passion. "You sure you haven't done this before? 'Cause Edward you did that a little too well."

I snickered. Good. The mood wasn't weird. He seemed okay with it. "No," I racked my hands through my hair, "You're the first boy I ever...pleasured."

He laughed. "_Pleasured_. That was good." He sung the last part. Jacob sat up and wiped at my mouth.

I daringly reached for his dick again and wrapped my hand around it. "So is this a Virginia Beach special? A one time deal?"

Jacob scowled, "I don't want it to be." He pulled off his shirt and tossed it across the room. "Why?"

I shook my head. I just gave him head, no need to ruin all the sexual tension with talking. "I'm gonna go shower."

"Me too," Jacob said pushing me onto the bed. He jumped behind me and placed his hands on my waist. "Uggh, Uggh," He said as he pretended to fuck me from behind.

I snickered to myself. "We're _not_ having sex here."

Jacob stopped pretending to bang me, "No we're not." His tone was very matter of fact. "I'm not going to ask you to give me anymore than you already did..." He breathed into my hair and then bit down on my ear, "And what you gave me was so fucking good I think it's one of the seven sins now."

I closed my eyes as he sucked on my earlobe.

"I want to prove to you that I'm serious." Jacob's lips traveled down to my neck and he bit down. I grabbed onto his hands, but he didn't release me. "I'm kinda yours now Cullen, I hope you're okay with adopting me and my mess."

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. "What do you mean by _adopting_ you?"

"Shower first...and talk later." Jacob flipped me around underneath him. He liked to dominate me, and I was totally okay with that. Jacob kissed me gently. His lips crushed softly against mine. "Take a shower with me."

_He was serious_. His eyes were unapologetic and filled with sincerity. This was my Jacob, with his dirty mouth, jokes, and tenderness, but there was an extra side to him that I had never seen before. The look in his eyes, and the way his hands were now folded underneath my head like a pillow, made me feel safe and warm.

At this moment I felt like we were one, our hearts beating on one wavelength. All the worries I had before were gone, and everything made perfect sense, because nothing mattered, except us. He pulled his body upwards and reached for my hand leading me to the bathroom.

Jacob turned on the shower. This felt a little strange, but of course in a good way. Yesterday we had been nothing more than roommates, but today it felt like we were embarking on a relationship. But that was crazy wasn't it? He stepped into the shower, and I stepped in after him. The hot water hit my skin leaving a furious red mark. I was lost in my thoughts.

Jacob was looking at me again and he was smiling. I could see all of his pearly white teeth, because whenever he smiled, he smiled big. It was a little alarming how beautiful he was, when he shared that grin with the world. I watched as he reached for one of the white wash clothes and squirted Axe Dark Temptation on it. We had been in such a rush to leave College Park, that we left some essentials, which required a impromptu trip to the store down here.

"Turn around," he told me. Jacob placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around. He ran the washcloth over my back, like I couldn't do it myself. I thought about joking with him again, and telling him that I wasn't an invalid, but this did feel nice. He rubbed my back in slow circular motions, and then he swatted my ass. "Let me get your front,"

I smirked to myself. He was acting carefree.

"Why are you still nervous?" He asked me. "Swallowing a _quart_ of my cum puts you in my good books." His smile faded. "Jeez, Edward I'm just kidding. I guess it's a little too early to make sexual jokes."

"No," I watched as he scrubbed my chest. He was actually _bathing_ me. It was sinking in now and I had to laugh. "I obviously didn't mind that."

"Me neither," Jacob grinned as he made me tilt my head back into the rush of hot water.

I pulled my hair out of my eyes. Jacob was now washing my hair. When he finished I lowered my head allowing the suds to wash out. "Do you want me to tell you honestly what I'm thinking."

"Straight up. Don't cut corners." Jacob answered. He started to wash himself now. I leaned back thinking about offering to help him out, but he obviously didn't need it. I watched as the water and body wash traveled down his abs, and firm muscles. He looked at me expectantly waiting.

"This just all feels _too_ good." I was a pessimist by nature. "So I'm waiting for reality to snap into place, and you to realize after a few blow jobs...and maybe even sex that you don't want this."

"I want you." Jacob said evenly. "I'm impulsive but I'm not stupid." He smiled. "Seriously, after all we've been through today..."

"We've been through a lot _today_." I said softly, "But it has just been one day, one action packed day. Tomorrow we're going back to College Park where everyone knows us, and then I'm leaving you for a month."

"All these things I've realized." Jacob turned away from me, I watched the muscles in his back flex as he washed his hair. "Why do you think I've been going so crazy lately?" He paused for a few seconds. "Let me finish washing up okay and then I'll meet you on the bed."

I nodded slowly. Jacob obviously wanted to have an in depth conversation. Maybe that's what we needed. My stomach was in knots, but once again, the feeling was more positive than negative. I reached for a towel and dried myself off. In the mirror I caught a glimpse of my neck. Damn. I had three large dark purple hickeys that I would be unable to hide.

We would probably need to stop at a store before we got back to Maryland so I could buy some turtlenecks. Alice would be all over the hickeys in seconds. The water turned off. I quickly went to the bed and took a seat. A few minutes later Jacob strolled out with the towel wrapped around his neck. My eyes traveled to his cock and then I looked away.

Jacob took the towel from around his neck and wrapped it around his waist. He took a seat beside me and folded his hands in his lap. He elbowed me after a few moments of silence, "For a few days now I've been trying to imagine what life would be like without you."

I turned to look at him.

"I think it would be okay," He shrugged. "I'd probably be back with Leah, and going back home every weekend to chill with Seth and Paul, and life would go on."

I nodded slowly not hearing a silver lining anywhere in that statement.

"But...everything would still be _grey_." Jacob stared ahead thoughtfully his beautiful eyes targeted on the wall. "I would be living without realizing how much I was missing. I've never hurt like this before...or feared that I could lose someone so completely close to my heart. Just to be with you I've pushed people away, and I'm changing slowly, losing my mind in the process, but yet I feel whole, and together." He shrugged as if he was giving up, "What I'm trying to say is that when I'm with you the world doesn't seem so blue...You make me happy, and I want you in my life for as long as you'll have me."

There was the silver lining.

"I'm with _you_ Edward." Jacob clarified. "And what I mean by that is I um..." His cheeks flushed redder, "When you go back to Georgia, you're not allowed to pick up some southern boy, in a cowboy hat and boots." He looked down now, getting more nervous.

It was funny how he finally found the words to tell me how he felt, but he couldn't properly ask me out. I didn't believe that I was picking up on the wrong cues. "Jake are you asking me out?"

He bit his lip. "I don't want there to be anymore confusion about what we are."

I narrowed my eyes waiting for him to finish.

"I'll probably be the crappiest boyfriend ever...but for some reason you still want me, and I obviously want you." Jacob looked at me again. "I am still growing, but I'd be foolish to let you sneak away with some other guy."

"You know I would never do that."

"Well just consider this taking out insurance." Jacob smiled softly. "So are you...mine?"

"Mine, is such a _possessive_ word." I was only giving him a hard time to ease the tension.

He looked down.

"I'm yours," I answered. "As long as you let me take out the same insurance. You can't own me, unless I own you too."

Jacob's eyes suddenly looked hopeful, "Us and our business deals. Where is the contract so I can sign on the dotted line." He pulled me into his arms and gave me a kiss on my lips. It was quick and safe.

I relaxed into his body feeling tranquil and finally as if all the turbulent questions in my head were answered. What else could I ask of him? _Absolutely nothing_. I knew the road ahead of us, wouldn't be easy, but he had already proved that he was willing to give this everything he got. I was incredibly moved by him. Despite all the shortcomings Jacob constantly placed on himself, he didn't credit himself for being so amazing.

He didn't have to ask me out. I knew that it was _hard_ for him to work up the nerve. And he didn't even have to choose yet, because I tried so hard to be the good guy that I would've gotten hurt. I would've held onto him stupidly until he ran back to Leah, and I was left alone wondering what went wrong. I was strong, but apparently not so strong when it came to love. It brought out the stupid side of me, the side that just wanted to be loved by someone who spoke poetry to me, made my heart soar, and most of all made me feel like some magic still existed in this world plagued with war, hate, and greed.

"Are you sure you want to do this." I asked him one last time.

"I was sure I wanted to do this the second I told Bella," Jacob chuckled and nodded slowly. He reached for my hands and massaged them with his thumbs. "I'm so amped I'm not sure if I'll be able to go to sleep tonight."

"Then we could stay up." I eased my hands out of his. And I did something that I had wanted to do for a while. I collapsed into his arms. My head resting against his chest, and my arms wrapped tightly around his torso. This was real. And tomorrow it wouldn't change. Tomorrow I could still hug him just because, and tomorrow I would still know that I belonged...I belonged to him.

The thought made me full and happy...but of course there was still a grain of worry in the back of my mind. Jacob's heart beat evenly against my ear. Soft pitter-patters, and then his heart rate quickened. Beating at an accelerated speed. I circled my hand around his wrist and then lowered my hand to his.

"Let's just stay like this for a while." He said to the top of my head.

I could stay like this _forever_.

***

_Carlisle and Esme helped Elizabeth back into her bed. She was laughing. "Esme, I think the kids want another round on the wheelchair." She coughed and placed her hand to her chest._

_ "Are you okay?" Carlisle asked Elizabeth concerned._

_ Elizabeth coughed more violently and she purposely turned her head away from Alice and I. "I'm fine Carlisle. Allie and Edward I had so much fun with you guys today. I got you guys some gifts so just make sure you remind your parents to give them to you."_

_ "Thank you!" Alice exclaimed. _

_ "Ms. Elizabeth needs her rest now kids." Carlisle advised. _

_ Elizabeth sat up, "Are you guys too cool to give me a hug?" Her smile was jubilant, but her eyes looked so tired. The skin on her face hung tightly to her cheekbones, and in her cheeks wasn't the slightest hint of color. _

_ I hugged her right after Alice and I held onto her tightly. She felt so skinny in my small arms. A wave of sadness overtook me, but I managed to control it. Elizabeth ruffled my hair. I stepped back with my eyes trained on the floor and my heart in my throat. _

_ Esme wrapped her arms around me._

_ Elizabeth smiled and waved as we left. It was like everything was okay._

_ Once we reached the elevator I realized that I left my bookbag with my books and toys. I tugged on my mom's hand. "Mama, I left my bookbag in Ms. Elizabeth's room. I have to get it."_

_ My dad's lips parted as if he was going to volunteer himself to get my bag. But he knew better. I was very self-sufficient for my age. I liked to do things on my own, and my parents even jokingly called me Mr. Edward occasionally. Carlisle nodded slowly, "Edward, we'll wait for you here."_

_ I promised to hurry back and then I took off running down the hall. "Excuse me, excuse me," I said politely to every adult that I rushed past. When I got to Elizabeth's room I was breathless and struggling to fill my lungs with air. Before I could step inside and announce myself I heard a loud sob._

_ My hand dropped and I peered inside through the barely cracked door. Elizabeth was on her bed with her head bent, her thin frame was shaking like a leaf, and her hands were over her eyes. She cried for what felt like an eternity before I stepped into the room._

_ Her shaking ceased and she looked up horrified. "Edward?"_

_ "Ms. Elizabeth...why are you so sad." My lips trembled._

_ "Oh no!" she quickly wiped at her eyes. "I'm not sad."_

_ I folded my hands behind my back and crossed the floor towards her, "But there are tears on your cheek." I reached forward and touched the wetness on her skin. My face fell sadly. "I wish we could take you home so you didn't have to stay here."_

_ Elizabeth closed her eyes and smiled, "I'm okay really."_

_ I reached out and wrapped my arms tightly around her. "Can you promise me something?"_

_ Elizabeth's hand touched my back. She didn't answer._

_ "Alice and I love you so much, can you promise that you'll stick around after you get out of here." A tear slid down my cheek. "Forever, if you can."_

_ Elizabeth smiled through a fresh wave of tears, "How about I promise to stay forever in your dreams. Always watching over you."_

_ I looked down._

_ "Why were you crying?" My eyebrows knitted together and I looked at her imploringly._

_ "Because..." Elizabeth let me go, "Because the highlight of my day is being around you and your family, and then when you all leave...I feel alone." She waved her hand, "But that's the business of spending most of your time at a hospital."_

_ I balled my fist and rested my head in the thin blanket on her bed. _

_ "Edward one day you're going to make someone really happy," Elizabeth's voice strained. "You care so much...it's a gift, and a curse." Her voice quivered. "As long as I'm here on this earth I'll promise to stay close to you and your family, but in this world there is no such thing as forever...at least physically."_

_ Elizabeth touched my shoulder._

_ "But forever is the happiness you've brought me, and the pictures that you and Alice drew and taped to my wall. Forever is the memories, and the knowledge that no matter how lonely it gets, I have this really awesome kid who thinks I'm way cooler than a Tonka Truck." _

_ Elizabeth pulled me into her arms again, "Your parents raised you right, both you and Alice." She wiped at my tears. "Now stop crying, because angels shouldn't cry."_

***

The flurries had stopped, but the wind was still howling outside.

For an hour Jacob made an honest attempt at his schoolwork, and then he gave up. I felt partially responsible because I had promised to make sure he got work done, but I couldn't focus either. My mind was going in circles and he was right in the middle of that orbit. The good news was that we could spend the rest of tomorrow studying once we got back. I would study with him, and offer whatever help I could, because I wanted him to do well.

I was turned over on my side with my hands balled up to my cheeks. The television was on low and Jacob was watching some comedy show. A few minutes later he turned off the television, and then the light. Darkness shrouded the room.

"Thanks for everything today." He curled up right beside me.

I didn't respond because I figured that I would just let him think I was sleeping.

Jacob stole a kiss on my cheek, "You _are_ the best thing that has ever happened to me." The bed shifted and he turned over on his side, but his body was still touching mine. "Good night Edward,"

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	16. Jacob's Song

**AN**: Happy Holidays guys! Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed last chapter. I even saw a few new reviewers. This will unfortunately have to be a quick Author's Note, because I'm being dragged to do Christmas shopping tomorrow, and of course I stayed up _late_ writing this, because I knew if I didn't update now, I wouldn't find the time to do it before the holidays. So I noticed that a lot of you were glad to see Elizabeth pop up again. She will be back, and yes, her condition wasn't good when you last saw her. But last chapter basically paralleled her loneliness, and Edward's need to make her happy. Of course there is always more to the story, but I can only say so much without giving, or not giving anything away. I prefer not to be too obvious. The Jacob and Edward lemon scene was fun to write...and I do agree that Jake arrived a little quickly lol. Guess the boy was excited. This chapter has two points of views. **Jacob, first point of view**, and **Emmett, Third point of view**. Thank you again sweethearts for the lovely comments. I wish you all the best of holidays! I'll be back just before the New Years or in early 2010. Oh and also Edward's song, "A Song for Jacob," was written by me. –Love ya'll, Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing in Stephanie Meyer's world

Chapter 16- Jacob's Song

--Jacob--

The war was over. Finals were done. Evil wretched finals, with their short responses, and multiple-choice questions that sounded too similar to be multiple choice. It was done, and now I had another semester to look forward to. I could barely contain the urge inside of me to get up and dance...to the _grave_. I smiled to myself even though a subtle ache lingered in my chest. While I laid in bed recovering the joy I lost from this wicked semester, Edward moved around the dorm packing up his stuff. I had watched him for the last hour, feeling less relieved with each pair of jeans he packed away. This emotional cavity was getting a little too wide for my tastes.

Parting ways was a basic principle of college. I wasn't the only person in this school losing someone he cared about for a _whole month_. The thought eased my sadness for a few hours, but as soon as he started packing it came back like a nagging toothache. Yesterday when I should've been studying, I found myself checking out the distance from Savannah to Baltimore online like a _pathetic case_. I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish by seeing how far the distance was, but it only made me feel worse. Savannah was seven hours away, and in total six hundred and twenty miles from here. Which meant we minus as well be living on different continents.

Edward stopped and he placed his hand to his mouth contemplatively. I eyed him wondering how long it would take him to realize that I was watching. Edward nodded slowly to himself and then he dived underneath his bed. The slim jeans he wore, which shaped his legs perfectly, without being too tight, clung like a second skin to his ass when he bent down. Sadness was leaving me now, and sex; raw, dirty, undiluted thoughts were slowly pushing their way to the front of my mind.

My mind had been bouncing back and forth between depression and animalistic desire these last couple of days. Edward Cullen's cherry was definitely on my Christmas wish list. My dick throbbed. I literally had to rip my eyes away from Edward's ass to prevent myself from leaping across the bed. I balled my fists and dug them into the mattress.

"Whatcha looking for?" I asked him.

Edward sighed and came from underneath his bed. He hit his head in the process. "Oww," He frowned. Edward chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds before looking at me. "Alice and I went Christmas shopping yesterday and I can't find the stuff I brought?"

I sat up. "You can't find it because she took it."

Edward's eyes widened. "_What_?"

I lowered myself to the floor with Edward. "Yesterday when you were showering Alice danced in here like a tiny burglar, took your bags, and told me she was going to wrap everything for you. Her excuse was that she wanted your gift wrap to match with hers." I rested my hands on his thighs. I was compelled to touch him, now that I could, with no regret. I moved my hands upwards, and then slipped my hands underneath his shirt. His body was cold as always. I wanted to warm him up. My thoughts sinfully flashed to sliding my dick in and out of his tight little ass. I flinched.

"Fuck," He whispered.

"What?" I pulled my hands away.

Edward's dark eyebrows pulled down low. "Why does Alice always do that?"

"Always do what?" I watched as his lips moved. Those cock sucking lips. _Fuck_. Triple Fuck. I swallowed as I tried to get sex off the brain again. But I did realized that thinking about sex was better than being depressed. It hurt less.

"I don't want to talk about it." He turned away from me. Edward's face was beat red.

"Are you _hiding_ from me?" I lowered my voice and spoke gently. Why was he so embarrassed? I touched my hand to his cool cheek. We had only been dating for a few days now, but every touch, every stare, and every time we hid; was perceived with intensifying awareness from the other. This romance was moving quickly, but the pace didn't scare me.

I cupped his chin in my hand gently turning his face towards me. I was the last person he needed to hide from. "Was there something in the bags that you didn't want her to see?"

Edward reached for the back of my hand with his, and kissed it softly. His red lips lingered on my flesh. "Can we _please_ change the subject?"

"What was it?" I asked again.

Edward frowned and let go of my hand. "She's going to tease me about this, and now you probably will too, since you want to know so badly."

"I won't tease you," I promised.

"I brought a...dildo."

My mouth dropped.

Edward bowed his head. "I was curious and I figured..." He waved his hands, "It doesn't matter what I figured, now why don't we change the subject?"

"A dildo?"

"So when's Seth coming up? Aren't you going Christmas shopping with him?" Edward deflected.

"Why would you need a dildo?"

"Because...God you're _not_ going to drop this." Edward closed his eyes, "I assumed that we would have sex before I left and I didn't want to go cold turkey for a month. Plastic wouldn't even remotely compare to you, but at least, if I closed my eyes I figured that I could pretend that you were in me...and this conversation is _uncomfortable_. No one was supposed to know about that, but of course Alice had to out me."

I was slightly turned on that he wanted to fuck himself, and pretend that it was me. "You don't have to be embarrassed." I kissed him on the lips softly. A few moments later I felt like I was kissing a _statue_. "Open your lips," I jokingly tried to slide my tongue in between his securely clamped mouth.

"Still embarrassed." He stated stubbornly.

"Whatever, everyone has sex toys, and maybe one day we could use it on each other." My heart kicked up a notch. A brief image of thrusting a dildo deep inside Edward's ass filled my head. I was getting hard again.

Edward opened his legs and placed them on either side of me. He was communicating silently with me, his eyes were staring deep into mine, and now his hands were on my face. He was pulling at my shirt. In the back of my mind I had a feeling that we _shouldn't_ do this now. He was buying dildos, and I was getting depressed over the thought of losing him, sex would be bittersweet, fiery, and all consuming.

His fingers danced on my fevered skin as he attempted to pull my shirt over my head. Red lights were warning me, blinking furiously. _No further than letting him suck you off_. And then I realized damningly that I couldn't even allow him to do that. Edward's tongue was wrestling with mine now and he was on top of me with his knee pressed into my groin. A slight inkling of pain traveled through me like tiny sparks ready to combust.

Edward was breathing heavy and he was tugging at my hair and my ears. I couldn't escape him, and the part of me that was trying to be reasonable was losing out. We were going to eventually have sex. He _bit_ my ear. I groaned as my hands groped around in the darkness for his ass. I took him in my hands and squeezed tightly. Edward was sucking at my neck now...man I wanted to fucking ride him like a cowboy.

"Fuck me," He whispered in my ear.

The bells were ringing now. Alert! Alert!

There was desperation in his voice. The same desperation that had reminded me in the beginning how fragile this thin strand of desire and love we walked on was. Edward was strong, and he was typically in control of his emotions. I saw him as a protector and nurturer of the people he loved. I watched how he hovered over Bella and Alice like a big brother; he would let no harm come their way. But Edward seemed to constantly forget about himself. I could harm him so severely, and so utterly that I could do irrevocable damage.

Being with him would obviously mean making sacrifices, but I felt like he was more than willing to make _all_ the sacrifices. A wave of sadness overtook me because I really wanted this, but deep down I knew that this wasn't the right time. I still needed to prove myself to him. He deserved to have the comfort of knowing that when we got back from winter break my feelings would be just as strong, or maybe even _stronger _than they were now.

I worried so damn much about everything regarding him.

Edward eased his hands inside my pants. I was still working on the control to tell him that we should _slow_ down. He juggled my nuts in his hands, rolling me around his long fingers, and then stroking my cock. I wrapped my legs tightly around his body, and grabbed onto his shirt pulling him to me.

"What are you doing? I was about to suck your dick." He teasingly licked my cheek.

I understood what he was doing. Edward _did _want to have sex with me, but more than anything he obviously wanted to take my mind off of the dildo. If only he knew that I wasn't terribly insulted by it. After all it wasn't like we were fucking yet, and he brought it to use, when I wasn't around.

Edward rested the tip of his nose against mine. "What's wrong?"

"You're so horny tonight," I said softly.

"I guess so." Edward rested his hands on my shoulders. "Savannah is going to be a wasteland without you." He shook his head. "I didn't mean to attack you with no warning." His breath traced across my lips. "Sorry."

"You _can_ attack me." I said. I realized that I was holding onto him like he was something extremely precious. I didn't think it was possible to mold a man so easily in my arms. But Edward felt right. He felt safe.

Edward eased my legs from around him. "By the way what did you want for Christmas?"

"I don't want anything." I spoke up.

"Well then you're only going to make my job harder." Edward took a seat on the edge of his bed. "Imagine me in a frenzied state searching for the perfect gift for you. How's that for guilt?"

"I don't feel guilty at all because I already got everything on my list. More than I _deserved_ actually." I chose not to get into the technicalities of my 'Christmas list' because out of all the emotions he stirred in me cheesiness was my least favorite. Enough cheese to cover tacos with. _God_. He came around and not only did I fall in love with him, but I also turned into a romantic poet...searching for an outlet to express all these emotions he evoked.

My cheeks warmed. Edward and his Savannah voodoo.

There was a knock on the door.

"Oh Edward." Alice sung outside.

I saw him scowl darkly. Obviously the reaper was here to announce her discovery.

"You can hide if you want and I could tell her you're not here?" I whispered to him.

"It doesn't matter. I _live_ with her." Edward pushed himself up. He answered the door. The grin on Alice's face was so wide it almost looked unnatural. "What's up Allie," He sounded grim.

She stared into the room at me and waved. "I was wrapping your gifts and I found a..._surprise_." Alice handed Edward a box wrapped with burgundy gift-wrap. "This was obviously meant for _you_."

Edward said nothing. He took the box gingerly.

"Jake, I think we should dedicate ourselves to finding someone for Edward." She slipped past him into the room.

"Alice stop meddling." Edward said dangerously.

"There are tons of hot gay guys at this school." Alice continued ignoring him. "I saw a few at the LGBT group meeting."

I did my best to smile as she talked to me. Alice was coming from a good place, but she did need to stop meddling. I figured it would be easier to let her in on our secret. Alice was Edward's twin after all, but they couldn't be any more different. She talked nonstop and he was reserved and contemplative. The other issue about telling Alice was the unlikely friendship she had with Leah. I saw them around campus together sometimes, and Alice and her mouth, might accidentally let something slip.

"_Alice_," Edward said again his face getting red. She kept on talking incessantly. I heard her say something about blind dates, and making Edward go to LGBT meetings more often. I saw him getting visibly angrier. "Worry about your own damn love life!" He finally exploded.

I bit my lip as I looked at him. His tone was elevated and his fists were clenched. I sunk into my place on the floor feeling like the villain in their sibling squabble. "I think he's fine where he is right now." I told Alice gently. I had to be subtle or else she would wonder why I was talking for him.

"Yes he does." Alice said with the slightest hint of indignation in her voice. I couldn't tell if she was more hurt than angered over Edward's reaction. "He used to steal my romance novels and read them. His favorite song growing up was 'All by Myself' and he brought..." Alice paused and cast a quick glance at her twin. "He's the poster child of lonely, and it's breaking my heart. So there. Sue me for _fucking_ caring."

There was a dead silence in the room. I swore I heard a few crickets chirping. Alice Cullen just dropped the F bomb. Little Alice Cullen with her tinkling laugh, ballerina stride, and rainbows of cheer everywhere...just unloaded the F frickin' blitz on her twin. Worrying about him obviously brought out the grinch in her. I doubted telling Alice the truth now would make her worry less.

"I'm _sorry_," Alice apologized in a quiet voice. "Maybe I _am_ intruding. But we're blood I'm aloud to want your happiness more than mine." Alice looked at me and then backed away slowly from the door. She looked embarrassed. Obviously that was meant to be a private argument. "Sorry Jake."

I wasn't sure why she was apologizing to me.

After Alice closed the door Edward sat down on his bed. He was frowning.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked him concerned.

Edward's eyes crinkled at the corners. "What do you mean? Why would I want you to do anything?"

"You guys got in a fight in front of me, and it was mostly my fault." I sat down beside him and draped my arms around his shoulders. "You guys are close like the Brady Bunch family."

Edward laughed now.

"Of course I had to swoop in like _Jafar_ and throw everything out of whack."

"This has nothing to do with you...but everything to do with that fucking dildo." Edward tossed the box across the room.

"Look it's not that uncommon to have toys." I said. "Even boring Rachel had a vibrator before Brent came along,"

Edward chuckled. "So you're comparing me to _boring_ Rachel?"

"No," I squeezed his arms. "Just the situation."

We sat in silence for a few moments as we usually did at random intervals during our conversations. Tonight I couldn't tell what he was thinking, because his facial expression changed frequently.

My cell phone vibrated on my press. I let go of Edward and jumped up to get it. "It's Seth," I said.

Edward nodded, "Well I guess I'll just finish packing up everything here."

I went to my closet and pulled out my dad's sweater. I tossed it to him. "Keep that old ratty sweater just so you can remember the prize you got waiting for you back here." I wanted to give him something of mine to go home with.

Edward folded my sweater neatly and packed it away in his suitcase. "You know it's impossible to forget you. You should get going." He waved at me.

"Will you be up when I get back?" I asked before I slipped out the door.

"I'll be up," Edward promised me. "I still have a lot of packing to do."

***

"Thanks for letting me tag along with you guys." Bella said to me as she closed the door behind her.

"Sure Bella,"

Bella smirked, "And by the way I already know that you invited me so I could help you shop for Edward."

I bit my lip. Once again she was doing what she did best. Be intuitive. I laughed. No point in lying. "I have absolutely no idea what to get him. I suck at Christmas shopping."

"The mall is going to be crazy," Bella warned. "So you should think about it in the car." Bella nudged me, "You know what he likes. That should simplify things."

"Music and books." I said absently. "But I'm not a fan of literature and he already has a guitar. What are you getting him Bella?"

"Something that won't be nearly as important as _your_ gift."

"Gee thanks, you're making the pressure so much easier to manage."

"He's your boyfriend." Bella pointed out. "I'm just his friend. You know him better in that sense. Hmm," she placed her hand to her mouth. "What do you want Edward to get you for Christmas?"

"Nothing," I said honestly.

Bella and I took the elevator to the lobby. This shopping trip was going to be hell.

"Jake!" Seth excitedly waved me over. He was looking gangly as ever lounging on the sofa over by the entrance.

I tilted my head up towards him, "Sup Clearwater, are you ready to go?"

"I was born ready. Only thing is Paul told me he has a date so he can't drive me back." Seth looked apologetic.

"That's okay, We can drive you back." Bella offered without missing a beat.

I frowned. Driving Seth back to Ellicott City would mean less time with Edward. _Damn_. Paul had to be lying, how the hell did _he_ get a date?

"I got my own money to shop this year." Seth said fanning his wallet in the air. "I've been working overtime and I'm saving every dime." He smiled widely. "Oh and Jake I have to tell you about this new girl, this senior, who is completely in love with me."

I tuned Seth out without realizing what I was doing until it was too late. "Oh yeah, that's great."

My reaction made Seth look downtrodden.

"A senior girl, wow." Bella spoke up. "You gotta watch out for those cougars. They'll eat you alive."

She picked up my slack.

Seth's smile reappeared as quickly as it faded and he eagerly started to talk to Bella about Katrina, I was listening now. Bella asked him about some other girl he supposedly told her about. When was that? I walked behind them wondering when Seth started talking about girls like this? How many other things had I missed out on since I became consumed with Edward?

I really needed to work on balance.

The guilt faded away once we got into Bella's truck. Seth included me back in the conversation and changed the topic to the latest James Cameron movie, which looked awesome as fuck, he asked me to go with him. I said definitely.

***

**Emmett's POV**

**---**

"Another guy Emmett!" Rosalie growled.

Emmett leaned against the bathroom door with a pink towel wrapped around his waist, it was inscribed with an R on the front. His lips turned up at the edges when Rosalie threateningly waved her hot iron at him. "Rose we'll go shopping _after_ Emmett gets his daily dose of love."

"That's my towel you sex fiend." Rosalie waved the hot iron even closer to his head. "I do not want my towel in your room because god knows what kind of _acts_ you do in there."

"Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a little bondage, some S & M, and threesomes." Emmett licked his lips. "You're always welcome to voyeur."

Rosalie tapped her foot impatiently. "An hour is all I'm giving you. If you and your latest slut aren't finished in an hour then I'm leaving your ass high and dry. I'll finish shopping without you."

Emmett lingered by the door. His eyes wandered over Rosalie's sink. She had make-up everywhere, and outfits lined up just outside the door on a chair, "We're just going shopping. This isn't a fashion show."

"Is it a crime to want to look beautiful?" Rosalie asked.

"No it's not I just..." Emmett scowled, "You don't need all that shit. I tell you that all the time." He pointed to the make-up.

Rosalie stared into the mirror at him, "Don't worry about me. Just make sure that the sex stays in _your_ room or I swear I will beat you...and I will beat you with full intention to _kill_."

Emmett's lips curled into a smile as he stared back at his good friend. He considered taking her makeup and running down the hallway to the balcony and hurling it outside, but Rosalie would probably throw him down there after it. "I'll promise to be _loud_."

"And I'll promise to videotape you being naughty and send it express delivery to Alaska, so your mom can see with her own eyes that you're a fraud. Someone needs to tell that woman that her son isn't the scholarly virginal saint she believes he is."

Emmett placed his hand to his heart. "But Rosalie I am a saint."

She waved him away again, "Go on and slut it up. I'll talk to you when you're finished."

Emmett playfully swatted Rosalie's ass, which caused her to chase after him like an amazon woman. He slammed the door in her face and locked it. Emmett chuckled to himself and then took the towel from around his waist and tossed it onto his four-poster bed.

Emmett reached for the remote to his sound system and turned it on. He sprayed some cologne on his naked body, cologne only made the package more irresistible. Emmett couldn't even remember the name of the guy coming over. They met in a bookstore, boring enough, but the guy had an edge Emmett liked. He had tattoos, smoked like a chimney, and his kisses tasted like whiskey.

Emmett's face fell a little. In the back of his mind he knew this guy _wasn't _his type. Who was he trying to fool here. He didn't have a type. Basically anything would do but Edward 2.0. Emmett wasn't sure what it was about that kid, but there was an aura around Edward that sucked him in. And he wasn't easily sucked in. Emmett could've been disturbed by his thoughts if he allowed his mind to dwell

Emmett was turned off by obvious beauty. It bored him. So therefore Edward Cullen should be boring. He was tall, and he had these intense green eyes, which were so lively, but yet so sad, and even worse Edward had a collection of admirers including that bitch ass Jacob Black kid fawning over him.

He stepped away from the mirror and took a seat on the edge of his bed. Emmett didn't allow himself to do it often, but only for a few moments, at least once every blue moon, he would wonder what was it about Edward Cullen that was so intriguing? The first time Emmett saw him, Edward was walking through a crowd of people. He was listening to his Ipod and reading _Romeo and Juliet_.

That was reason enough not to like Edward because _Romeo and Juliet_ was by far Emmett's least favorite Shakespearean work. But Emmett noticed how people flocked around Edward gawking at him like he was some painting at an exhibit, and Edward ignored it all. There was a pure innocence to his demeanor, an untarnished soul, that for some reason seemed to carry the world on his shoulders.

Emmett turned off the radio. He had been sitting in silence staring ahead. His mind racing with images. He often thought in vivid color. He saw the dark blue button down shirt Edward wore the first time he saw him, and the golden glow of the candle, in the cupcake he stole for Edward on his birthday,

Rosalie knocked on the door.

Emmett shook his head.

"What do you want woman? I'm only opening the door for you if you have a steak dinner for me ready with mashed potatoes and gravy on the side."

"Your ehm...disgusting, cigarette smoking, whiskey breathing, guy is here."

Emmett quickly went over to his dresser. He slid on some boxer briefs and opened the door for Rosalie, hiding behind it. "Did you make him wait outside?"

Rosalie's arms were crossed. "Emmett what was _that_."

"What was what?"

"That _thing_ at the door." Rosalie's expression twisted. "He's cute and all, but in a _I was too drunk to realize how incredibly disgusting you are_ kind of way."

"I like rough sex." Emmett said simply. "What can I say? He looks like he rides hard."

"I'd rather you bring Alec Ambrosio back over here before you slept with that. And you know how much I _disapprove_ of Alec Ambrosio, well not him per se, but you know what I mean."

I frowned at the thought of Alec.

She looked concerned. "Emmett what are you doing?"

"Rose I'm not doing anything. I'm just hungry. For sex and lots of it." Emmett pressed his tongue against his cheek and simulated giving a blow job.

"_Granted_. You're a whore, but at least the other guys you've slept with didn't look like they could shank you in a dark alley and run with your wallet. I will disown you if you sleep with that guy."

"Rose..."

"I won't have to worry about that anyways because I sent him away."

Emmett's mouth dropped.

"I told him to get off my property before I threw hot bacon grease on his face."

Emmett looked away from Rosalie and smiled softly flashing his dimples. "Rosalie you don't have to hate just because you're not getting any play."

"I'm not hating. I would just prefer the Health Department to inspect that guy before I let him in here." Rosalie narrowed her eyes at Emmett. "Are you stressed?"

"No. Nothing's wrong with me."

"Because if you are then you could always go hunting with me." Rosalie smiled, "Even if it _isn't_ hunting season yet. That gets rid of stress. Hunting all the damn deer that try to mess up my car."

Emmett never could wrap his mind around how Rosalie was so into fashion, clothes, and make-up, but yet when it came to hunting she was like one of the boys. Rosalie claimed it was because she was a daddy's girl. While her sister Stella, stayed home to cook with her mom, Rosalie learned a more valuable trade.

_Killing wildlife_. PETA would be all over her.

Rosalie unexpectedly squeezed his shoulder. "You are allowed to feel something else besides hormones and comic relief. You're human after all." She poked him. "At least I _think_ you are."

"Stop touching me before I get the wrong idea." There was a playful nature to his voice. Emmett pushed Rosalie out of his room. "I'm going to get dressed." Once he was alone again Emmett stood still for a few moments looking around his room. Paintings hung on his dark red walls; book cases crammed with books lined the corners, and his football trophies, were set up like an ode to greatness on shelves around the room.

He couldn't say that he was terribly upset that Rosalie had chassed away his tattooed guy. Sex to him was all about the delight, it was pleasurable in the most innate way. No questions asked. Just bodies and heat, no love exchanged, because he was incapable of love, and creeped out by it, but sex kept him connected.

He loved receiving praise. And often he was praised after sex. Rosalie always told him that he was a step away from prostitution, but Emmett always argued that prostitutes got paid for turning tricks, and he did it for free. He didn't get paid for the things he could do with his mouth, or his ability to fuck so good he made his lover moan in tongues.

Emmett changed into a V-neck American Eagle sweater with royal blue and black stripes. Edward annoyingly popped into his mind again. _What the fuck_. And then he realized why..._Alec_. Rosalie brought him up. Just before the last game of the season Alec had introduced himself to Emmett. Alec brought Emmett a drink, and somehow they got to talking about John Steinbeck, Emmett's favorite author.

Alec trigged thoughts of Edward for some reason and Emmett wasn't sure why. But he distanced himself from Alec just because the only one that should trigger thoughts of Edward, was _Edward_ himself.

Emmett didn't like the direction of his thoughts so he grabbed some jeans and his boots. Rosalie was already waiting for him in the car.

***

**Jacob's POV**

**---**

The mall was _crowded_. People were everywhere. They were walking fast like there was a fire, pushing and shoving, and abandoning cribs with _babies_ in them to dash in stores. Bella, Seth, and I were sticking close together, because if we lost each other here, it would be like being swept away to sea.

"I'm going to go into that sports store." Bella said tilting her head to the right. "Seth come with me."

Seth seemed pleased that Bella wanted him near. I had to roll my eyes. I followed after them, but Bella gave me a look that read, "What are you doing?"

"Jake, Edward doesn't want anything from there." Bella said.

Seth was looking at us, but he was obviously trying to mind his own business, and not listen to what we were saying.

"Yeah I know," I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"We'll call you in an hour." Bella glanced over her shoulder, "Seth did you get Jacob his present yet?"

"Not yet." Seth grinned. "I've been too busy with the ladies."

Hmm. And apparently with ladies came cockiness too. I focused back on Bella.

Bella snickered and said, "Silly kid," She gave me a push towards the crowd. I accidentally bumped into a woman who was eating a jelly donut. She glared accusingly at me, with wide bulging, Chihuahua eyes "Sorry!" Bella quickly apologized pulling me away from the woman before she ate _me_.

"Rude ass kids." The woman growled.

I typically would've said something because I didn't take insults well, but I was too preoccupied with Edward's gift. I walked aimlessly through the mall, dropping in clothes stores, music shops, and even the Hallmark store. There were so many cards about love and relationships, but every card felt like it was missing part of what I wanted to say.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Damn it Bella, next Christmas you're staying home. And I'm bringing _Alice_.

The next place I ducked into was a jewelry store. I had no idea what I could get Edward in there but it was worth a look.

My cell phone vibrated. Bella sent me a text message. I considered ignoring it, but then I realized that I was being a stubborn brat. I asked her to help me out, and she was helping me by forcing me to shop alone. When Edward opened his gift, I wanted all the glory. My cheeks burned. Of course finals stress had to be replaced with Christmas shopping trips of doom.

_Get him something from the heart Jake. If you get him something expensive, he'll ask you to return it. –Bella_

I sent her a quick thank you.

_By the way. Seth is a ladies man, all these teenyboppers, and older women keep staring at him! –Bella _

Despite the stress I had to snicker. Well at least Seth wasn't getting in fights anymore because that was out of character for him. Even if he didn't shy away from defending himself, Seth always had a mild personality. He was friendly, talkative, and optimistic.

"Can I help you?" An older woman asked slinking over in a tight bun, with red pointy glasses, and a small Santa pinned to her black blazer.

"Um yeah?" I said. "I'm looking for a gift for my..." I paused.

"Romantic gift?" The woman asked.

"Very romantic," I grinned a little nervously. "Something that's not cheap, but it can't be too expensive either."

The older woman nodded, her face creased with a smile. "How long have you been dating?"

"About two months." I said tacking on time from the days I began to become painfully aware of my feelings for Edward.

"Puppy love," she smiled sweetly to herself. "The first two months are heaven." She waved me over to a jewelry case. "The first two months of _my_ relationship my husband cooked for me regularly, and brought me roses every day. Now twenty years later, if he cooks me dinner, it comes in TV dinner style, burnt and crispy, and I'm lucky to get a kiss before work."

_TMI_. I listened with a smile even though I couldn't care less about her marriage.

"This is a popular item this season." She tapped the glass and pointed down to a silver chain that sparkled underneath the soft yellow light, a simple band was attached to the end. "The charm of that baby is we can inscribe whatever you want in about an hour's time."

"Can I see it?" I asked her.

"Sure," she reached inside the case and pulled out the necklace.

I held the light metal in my hands and placed the ring flat on my palm. I _could_ see Edward wearing this. I smiled because I had one gift down. "I'll take it."

"Excellent choice. Did you want anything inscribed on the inside of the band?"

I thought it over, "Can you put _love heals all_ inside there?" I stammered over the words feeling ridiculous for saying them out loud, but I did believe it. At least now I did.

***

**Emmett's POV**

**---**

Since Rosalie was impossible to shop for Emmett suggested that she pick out something and he'd buy it for her. Thirty minutes ago he had made that suggestion, and he was _still _in the moderately expensive clothing store watching as Rosalie tried on outfit after outfit. Emmett grumpily reached for a pack of Argyle socks and threw at Rosalie's back. "Could you pick something already? I'm getting tired of watching the Barbie show."

Rosalie pretended not to hear him. She continued on in her ridiculous fashion show, singing along to Tik Tok by Ke$ha which was playing on the sound system, and attracting attention from every male in the store. Emmett noticed one man get _handled_ by his girlfriend for watching Rosalie, and dancing along with her across the room.

"Stop staring at the girl!" The woman shrieked. She whacked him upside the head with her purse and started cussing in Spanish.

Emmett understood every word. He knew that Rosalie would ask him what that woman said later. Anything to build her ego.

"Just one more outfit M & M,"

He grumbled because he hated when she called him that. "It better be the last outfit or you're not getting anything for Christmas from me. I still have a shitload of people to shop for."

Rosalie scoffed, "Who else besides your mommy?"

"Bella,"

"And Edward too." Rosalie directed.

Emmett smiled deviously. He smiled so he wouldn't have to answer.

"Just one more," Rosalie quickly walked back into the dressing room. She threw the clothes she didn't want on the floor. "Someone come and get these!" she yelled.

Emmett sighed to himself as he watched the employees move around the shop in a frenzied state, helping out customers, removing folded sweaters from shelves, and tending to the long lines. He pushed himself upwards and picked up all the clothes Rosalie had tossed on the floor. Emmett had an idea of how hectic it was to work in retail during the holidays. His dad used to make him work over the summer and winter breaks back home in Alaska, so he could understand the value of a hard earned penny.

He put away all the clothes.

"Jane that dress looks pretty on you,"

Emmett looked up and he frowned at the sight of Alec and Jane Ambrosio. Emmett knew now more than ever that he had to get Rosalie out of the store. When Alec started coming over to their apartment, Rosalie gave a brief history on her vendetta against Jane. Supposedly they were friends back in Manhattan, but Jane did something to betray her. Emmett hadn't paid attention to the specifics because it all sounded a little too high-school drama for him.

Alec caught his eye.

Emmett looked away.

"You sure it looks okay?" Jane asked staring back at her reflection. She smoothed out the royal blue dress, "Are you sure I don't look like a smurf?"

"You look stunning." Alec assured once more.

Emmett watched as Jane gave her twin brother an appreciative smile. Emmett slipped away from the rack and back over to the mirror where Rosalie was at. She _didn't_ look happy. He hoped that she didn't already see Jane and Alec "You look hot _mama_ let's go."

"What the fuck is that." Rosalie poked at her stomach. "It looks like I have a pouch!" she wheeled her body towards Emmett, "Like I'm wearing a fanny pack underneath this dress!"

Emmett tried not to laugh at how melodramatic Rosalie was being. She was always the actress. "It's the dress, your stomach is Baywatch approved. Come on let's check out one last store for you."

Rosalie huffed still not satisfied.

Jane's laughter filled the shop. She was holding Alec's hand and they were giggling over something. Emmett didn't see evil when he looked at Jane. And he was pretty good at reading people. Jane held a dress up to Alec and suggested that he try it on.

"You can't force me to do drag ever again!" Alec grinned.

Emmett quickly stepped behind Rosalie to block her line of vision.

"I heard a _bitch_." She sneered.

"Rose, it's Christmas. Kids are here. Just let it be." Emmett hated being the peacemaker, but Rosalie knew how to sniff out trouble like a trained K-9. If he were a lesser person he would let her be someone else's problem.

"Ho, ho, ho," Rosalie said anyways moving Emmett out of the way. "Like it's not enough that she had to come to my school, but she also has to show her ugly face where I shop."

"Rose," Emmett rolled his eyes. "Do I have to pick you up and carry you out of here on my back."

Rosalie crept towards a rack of shoes and she picked up one jet-black high heel. Before Emmett could stop her she hurled it across the room, narrowly missing Jane's head. Naturally when Rosalie was angry she _threw_ things. Emmett folded his hands behind his back ready to leave Rosalie where she stood.

Jane whipped around. Her smile fell and she suddenly took on a wicked glint.

People were staring now at them..

Jingle Bell Rock was now playing.

"Oh Rose!" Jane gliding towards her. Alec followed behind apprehensively.

"What are you doing here slut." Rosalie asked coldly.

"Shopping," Jane placed her hand to her mouth. "Oh honey, _oh no no_, that dress is a little too snug around the middle. Maybe you should try a larger size, something that doesn't make your stomach look like a good year blimp."

"Jane, leave her alone." Alec said mirroring Emmett's frustration.

Jane paused for a second and looked at her brother.

"Why do you always have to start a fight?" He continued. "Just leave her alone." Alec took Jane by the arm, "Sorry Rosalie," His eyes purposely avoided Emmett's, "Emmett,"

Surprisingly Jane listened to Alec and backed off but not before giving Rosalie the dirtiest look she could muster.

Emmett rolled his eyes towards Rosalie a few seconds later. "And what did that solve."

"Oh please Emmett, you don't get to be preachy." Rosalie ran her hands through her honey locks as if she was unphased by the confrontation. "I don't see anything here, let's go shop for _your_ Edward."

"What? Mine...hell no." Emmett dismissed.

"You like him."

"My soul is a dark void. I am incapable of liking anyone." Emmett said with a smirk. He noticed that Rosalie was looking down at her stomach. Agitation slowly crept inside him. There was nothing there. She was so fucking self conscious.

"Yeah because you're so wounded and dark." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

Instead of telling Rosalie for the umpteenth that she was flawless, aside from her diva tendencies, Emmett chose to question her about Edward. He couldn't understand how the hell she got the idea in her head that he liked Edward. "What makes you think I like him?"

"I just know. Hello I know everything." Rosalie said smacking her hand to her head as if it was obvious. She moved her mouth to the side, "I figured it out the second you told me about Edward and Alice's charity for that kid Dylan. You're passionate about few things Emmett, but you were passionate about _that_. You kept reminding me to donate."

Emmett shrugged. That still didn't prove anything. He could care about Edward without liking him. In fact, it was his care that pushed Jacob Black to make a move. Emmett saw how Jacob was moving at the speed of a granny on training wheels when it came to expressing his feelings, so Emmett sped up the process. He purposely made Jacob jealous, and threatened to steal Edward from him. But deep down Emmett knew that he couldn't and wouldn't do that.

He was fine where he was. Single and solo and ready to mingle. Edward Cullen definitely stirred something inside of him, but he didn't care to figure out what that was. All he knew was that Jacob better take good care of Edward, or else Emmett would unleash a wrath on him unlike any other.

Emmett silenced his thoughts.

When Rosalie came out of the dressing room for the last time she put away the dress. He could tell that her ego was still deflated. She got hurt so easily, behind that cutthroat façade was an insecure girl. Emmett cringed. He didn't want to think. He searched for some joke to crack, something inappropriate, but he didn't have it in him.

"We should also get something for Edward's twin sister." Rosalie said. "I still feel guilty about ruining her eighteenth birthday."

***

**Jacob's POV**

**---**

I was finally finished shopping for Edward.

Damn, I just got two gifts and it took forever. Before calling Bella and Seth, I quickly went to go and find something for Bella. I owed her for being a good friend to Edward, and surprisingly me as well. After I picked out a gift for Bella, I met her and Seth at the food court.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Bella asked before I could sit down.

"I think so. Seth, we'll have to go for round two sometime during the week." I replied as I sunk into a seat across from them. I still needed to shop for him, Quil, Embry, and my sisters.

Seth slid his nachos over to me. "Refuel, you look exhausted."

I smirked and stole a few nachos. I was starved.

"I'll go and get some more fuel for us. Shopping during the Christmas rush really works up an appetite." Bella volunteered hopping up.

Seth looked after Bella, "I don't know why Leah doesn't like her. Bella's really nice."

I flinched at Leah's name.

Seth noticed this and he gave me an apologetic smile. "I'm on your side Jake. Paul and Embry keep trying to figure out why you don't want to be with Leah, but I told them to mind their business. If you need your space then so what."

Another quality of Seth's that I liked was his loyalty. He tended to see the best in people, a quality that I also treasured in Edward. If Seth wasn't Leah's brother, I would've told him about Edward because I knew he would understand. I subconsciously wondered if I was distancing myself from him, because of this secret between us. We used to always talk, but these days I felt like we were strangers passing by.

Seth was growing and I was missing out on it all.

"Why aren't you mad at me Clearwater?" I asked him.

"Mad at _you_?" Seth chuckled easily, "Why would I ever be mad at you."

"Mostly because I haven't been around."

"College keeps you busy, but I know you still care about me." Seth nodded.

I smiled crookedly. "So when did you become Seth Clearwater, ladies man?"

Seth eagerly dived into a detailed story about a cheerleader who was tutoring him. I listened this time and even tossed in a few comments, Bella took longer than it should've to return. She set down a tray of nachos between us when she came back ten minutes later.

"I guess _everyone_ is Christmas shopping today." Rosalie Hale said as she and Emmett McCarty took the table across from us. Rosalie gave us a regal wave and then she started to pick at her salad.

Out of all the fucking tables why did they have to sit at the one next to us? Basically on our backs. I glared at Emmett without realizing that I was glaring until he looked at me. His expression was unfriendly, but he only looked at me for a second before saying hi to Bella, and Seth.

For the duration of the time, Bella, Seth and I held our own conversation while Emmett and Rosalie talked amongst themselves. Only once did conversation cross when Bella asked Emmett when his plane for Alaska was leaving. I secretly wished that he went up there, and never came back.

"Jake can I talk to you about something." Emmett said casually.

I saw Rosalie look at me. Seth and Bella were immersed in there own conversation. They were talking about _Glee_.

"I know it's going to be on hiatus forever," Seth mulled.

"I need to ask you about a play you made last game." Emmett said standing.

I had no idea why he was even bothering to hide what he really wanted to talk to me about. I knew he wanted to talk about Edward.

Rosalie was watching us like a hawk. Why the fuck was she being so nosy.

I wasn't going to shy away from Emmett. Pursuing Edward was like a game to him, and now that we were dating, it had to stop. I had no idea how I was going to get that message across to Emmett without officially outing myself to him. And he didn't deserve that much from me. Together we steered away from the group.

"Sweetheart I know I'm beautiful but if you keep staring at me like that people are going to start getting ideas." Emmett stated teasingly. "And before you even ask me what I'm doing here. This is a mall, it's public property, and you don't own it."

"I'm not going to argue with you Emmett."

"Putting on the big boy britches are we Jake?"

"All the games, and the threats are going to end here now."

Emmett's lips curled. "What games? I'm not playing any games with you."

"Find another victim you sociopathic fuck."

Emmett looked down and traced his thumb across his lips. "You make yourself out to be the victim. I've never done anything outright to harm you Black. All I'm guilty of is befriending Edward, which obviously warrants you to flip out into a tantrum of epic proportions. Look at my stance, and look at yours." Emmett gestured between us.

Sure enough I was the one leaned towards him with my fists clenched.

Emmett turned away from me arrogantly. "I take it you and Edward are playing Donkey Kong now, so you feel the need to piss all over the place to announce your territory."

I remained tight-lipped searching for the right words.

"I've never been a threat to you." Emmett pointed out. His tone grew icier, "If I wanted Edward I would've pursued him with the same skill Tiger Woods used with his mistresses." Emmett looked me up and down like I was beneath him, "Edward is unconditionally in love with you, _dumbass_. He's a smart kid, but when it comes to you he's got his blinders on."

I clenched my jaw feeling a brief wave of guilt. I didn't like hearing Emmett say that Edward had his _blinders_ on when it came to me. But why should I fucking care what he said?

"I'm going to be real with you Jake. I don't care what you think of me because I'm not here to stun you with my awesomeness, but Edward is my friend. And if you..."

"Please, the only friend you have is Blondie over there." I tilted my head to the table. "And she's no catch either."

"If you break his heart, I swear to God that I'll break _you_." Emmett's blue eyes darkened "And FYI, we wrestle bears in Alaska for sport, so you'll be easy to take. Kind of like a cub going against a lion got it?"

Before he could walk away from me I stepped in front of him. "My relationship with Edward doesn't concern you, so you _don't_ need to worry about it."

When I looked into Emmett's eyes I saw something that I didn't like. He was staring me down like he had something to protect. Edward wasn't his to save. What a fucking joke. I felt more than rage when I stared back at him. I was also afflicted with fear. It trickled slowly down my back like a cold sweat. This jealous urge to keep Emmett away from Edward crept in, but I knew Emmett wanted me to act irrationally. He expected it.

"How about we make a compromise." Emmett said his eyes softening. "I'll stay away from him, if you give me your ass in exchange for his. I'm sure the Jacob train is a long and angry ride."

Violent images of bashing Emmett's head in sprouted in my subconscious. He wanted me to hit him. He was daring me too. The fucking son of a bitch. I had to take a step back because my fists were ready to take on the crime. "Just keep your distance." I warned him. "And if you don't I'll show you who the fucking lion is."

***

Two hours later I headed back to the dorm. I was worried that Edward was probably sleeping by now, after all I had made him wait long enough. I opened the door and my eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness and the white and red candles flickering like dancing spirits on the floor. The room was clouded in the sweet scent of honeysuckle and lavender. Edward was standing in the middle. The soft glow of lights danced across his face, and his guitar was slung around his waist.

"Took you long enough."

"I'm sorry," I apologized speechlessly closing the door behind me. "What's going on here? Are we having a séance?"

Edward smiled softly and looked down. "I wrote you a song. The candles were me trying to set the mood." He tilted his head towards my bed. "You're going to have to sit down, because I'll lose my nerve if you keep standing there like that."

I placed down my bags on the floor and took a seat on the edge of my bed. My fists were clenched tightly. They had been clenched ever since the run-in with Emmett at the mall.

"Okay," Edward sighed anxiously.

I allowed my fists to unfurl and I placed them flat in my lap. I wasn't going to think about Emmett or anything else besides Edward and this song. I knew how embarrassed Edward was about his music, so it made me feel warm inside to know that he broke down his barriers for me. I sat back and watched as he strummed the chords on his guitar. This time as he played for me Edward stared directly into my eyes. He looked down for a second, and then our eyes were connected again.

His voice surrounded the room locking me up in the tiny space and flowing in and out of my ears. My heart jumped and leapt to the sound of his words. And I couldn't help but to feel completely overwhelmed and lost in this feeling. He moved me in ways that I never expected to be moved, and all I could do was breathe in and out slowly.

_You blind me. You bind me_

_My heart beats only for you._

_I've walked this earth_

_I've worn down these shoes_

_I was a wanderer, a lonely soul_

_Searching for something, feeling so blue_

_Down every street, running around corners_

_But I never had the slightest clue_

_That I was searching for you._

Once he was finished Edward dropped his arms by his sides. His facial expression was nervous. I sat back and teasingly narrowed my eyes at him. How the hell could he be nervous when he just wrote me a _song_. That was definitely a first.

"Well?" Edward asked.

"Come here," I said to him.

Edward walked over to me. I plucked a few strings on his guitar, and then I smiled up at him.

"You make me feel so special," I looked down and smiled to myself. "I was at the mall today and I was beating my head against the wall trying to figure out what to get you."

"You didn't have to get me anything." Edward pointed out. He pulled off his guitar and placed it down on his bed.

"Of course I had to get you something. You've given me so much this semester. Friendship, trust, someone to laugh at because of your best-friend's ridiculous dancing."

Edward laughed and he did an impromptu recreation of Bella's spastic dance moves. During a spin and a wave of the hands Edward went crashing to the floor. I was about to ask him if he was okay, but then I saw him laughing, his face was bright red, and I couldn't help but to laugh as well. I tilted my head to the side.

"I knew I had to get you something special." I traced my hands along his trail of brown hair leading into his jeans. "These gifts are probably the cheesiest things I've ever brought."

Edward gripped onto my shirt and pulled me down onto him. "You better not have spent a lot of money on me."

"What is a lot of money?"

"Twenty five dollars."

I grinned, "Damn you're a cheap date."

Edward shrugged. His hands danced to my cheeks and then he pulled me in for a soft kiss. It was still startling to get used to how natural this felt. Almost as if we had been dating for months now.

_You collided into me like a train._

_Leaving me breathless, barely surviving_

_But I'm holding onto you as you tear me down_

_With you I'm dancing in the rain_

_You break down my barriers_

_And make me see the world through brand new eyes_

_Under this pitch-black night, the stars shine like diamonds_

_Magnified fifty thousand times_

_Just because you're here by my side _

"So are you ready for the cheese boy?"

Edward rolled his eyes, "You care to much about being romantic. Obviously you're a romantic at heart."

"No, I refuse to believe that." I tapped his cheek. "It's you and your witch powers."

Edward scoffed. "Believe me if I had any powers I would've made you fall in love with me a long time ago."

I ran my hands through his gelled hair. "Now close your eyes and prepare to be amazed." I jumped off of him like an eager kid that had downed too many pixie sticks. I saw Edward place both his hands over his eyes, and then he cutely parted his hands to peek.

I reached for the American Eagle bag, and then sat it down in front of him. "There are no dildos in here."

Edward's shoulders sagged. "I'll never live down dildo-gate will I?"

I smiled crookedly and then took his hands from his eyes. "If you don't like the gifts then just tell me because there is one thing I hate, and that's a _faker_. Rachel is the queen of fakers when it comes to Christmas presents, so don't be fraudulent and phony with me."

"I'll be authentic," Edward promised. He stared into my eyes. "So what did you get me under twenty five dollars?"

"I even spent more than that on my Christmas gift for Paul."

"Really? What did you get him."

"Porn," I snickered. "Because he's so fucking lonely it's pathetic. But don't worry, I didn't get you porn, you have me for that." I couldn't help but to squeeze in a joke. "We'll be making our own videos soon enough."

Edward giggled.

I loved when he did that, because he sounded so boyish. "First gift." My cheeks warmed like an uber nerd as I pulled out the teddy bear. It was dressed in football cleats, with a helmet, and had a jersey on it. "Now Mr. Black isn't your regular stuffed teddy bear. He kicks ass on and off the field and..."

Edward silenced me by giving me a soft kiss on the cheeks. He took Mr. Black from my hands and wrapped the bear in his arms protectively. My hands were shaking for some reason and I wasn't sure why. I never liked teddy bears as a kid, so I felt ridiculous for giving him one now, at _eighteen_. But the bear was to remind him of me, when he was back home in Savannah.

"That bear requires one hug a day. And you better think of me when you hug it. Otherwise it's a waste of fluff, and a kick ass uniform. Bear University" I pointed to Mr. Black's green and yellow jersey. "You don't think it's a dumb ass gift do you?"

Edward traced his thumb across my hand in circular motions. "Before I became this bad ass that you see in front of you..." He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head no. "I started sleep walking after a friend of mine died. My parents wanted me to sleep in their room, but even as a kid I valued freedom, so they set up motion detectors in my room, and gave me this stuffed animal. He was huge, and at night I would fall asleep holding onto him. He made me feel safe. For some reason I stopped sleep walking after I got him"

My eyebrows furrowed. "What happened to him?"

"I grew up and boys started going after Alice so I had to go after them."

I chuckled. "If only those guys knew that the scary older brother slept with teddy bears."

Edward shrugged. He hugged Mr. Black again. "I _love_ this."

_Together we run into the world of erased pain_

_Our feet dig into the sand as the waves crash on the beach_

_Promise me that we will always remain the same_

_When you hold me in your arms_

_I feel like I can fly and reach every single star in the sky_

_I catch them in my hands and keep them safe in my pockets_

_Naming each and every one in your name. _

_I swear I'll never love you in vain_

"And I have one more thing I have to give you." I gave him the stupid bear first because I was sure he would hate it, but this gift I was sure about. I handed him the long blue box wrapped with a silver ribbon.

Edward's spindly fingers traced the box. "The bear was enough Jake..."

I placed my hands to his lips, "Why do you have to ruin everything by talking?"

He moved his mouth to the side and then he focused his attention back on the box. Edward carefully undid the bow and he took off the lid. Edward's green orbs wandered over the necklace and his mouth dropped.

Edward picked up the necklace and narrowed his eyes to read the inscription inside.

"It says love heals all." I spoke up. I draped my arm across my raised knee. "Put it on." Impatiently I took the necklace from his hands. I unclasped it and then got behind him to place it around his neck. After it was on I kissed his neck and my lips traveled to his cheek.

Edward was silent as he hooked his thumb through the ring's hole.

"And why are we silent?" I asked placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Loves heals all." Edward turned around to look at me, "That doesn't sound like a Jacob thing to say." He bit his lip, "Was that your idea?"

"No it was frickin Tom Cruise's idea. Yes it was _mine_."

Edward twisted his body towards me. I could see the flames from the candles surrounding us, dancing in his eyes. "I have this sinking feeling that when I get back all this magic between us will have been a dream. It's just too perfect."

"Please, I'm standing here in tights, holding up a music box to your window, and playing sappy 80's ballads. I've reached the point of coming back. I'm down. I'm down with your disease." I looked down and smiled crookedly, "And you need to stop worrying about our demise before you turn into me. Let me worry and get gray, while you stay fucking beautiful and eighteen forever."

Edward laughed.

"Shit I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying. All this gifting has me nervous." I confessed.

"Well I guess it's my turn to be nervous." Edward jumped up and went to his closet.

The white lights strung along the walls flickered on and off as Edward made his way back towards me. "Luckily I hid your gifts in a place where Alice couldn't find them." He placed the gold bag in my lap and then sat back down on the floor beside me.

Even though I told him not to pretend with me, I was completely committed to offering a smile with every gift.

"On the first day we moved in together I was trying not to be awkward so I asked you a slew of random questions. Remember when I asked you to tell me one interesting fact about yourself?"

"Yeah I remember." I swung my arm around to stretch. "It meant a lot to me that you even bothered to ask that."

"You told me that your great grandparents lived in La Push, Washington before moving here, and that they were Quileute. I thought that was cool." Edward reached in the bag and handed me a bracelet made of twine, it was tightly braided, and had a single red and blue bead on it. "Supposedly this bracelet wards off evil spirits, and keeps a watchful eye over you."

Edward spoke with a hint of skepticism. "But regardless of what it does, I'd like to think that you'll be safe while I'm gone. Because obviously a month is three years in _our_ time."

I smiled to myself. "I still can't believe that you remembered that I was _Quileute_."

"I remember everything you say."

I fingered the bracelet. No one else would've remembered that or even cared to search for something pertaining to my culture.

_You mold me, you hold me_

_When we're together my heart is no longer an empty room_

"_And_," Edward handed me a leather bound book. It was a deep chocolate color. "I write most of my thoughts and songs in here. You're already in my head, so I don't see why I can't share everything with you."

I smiled eagerly and flipped through the journal. I noticed that a few pages were missing. _Everything wasn't here_. I ignored the thought because maybe some entries and songs were for Alice, his parents, or maybe even his sibling on the way. I went to the last page, my hand grazing the light tan paper scribbled with his tidy handwriting. At the top was the title, "A Song for Jacob," This was _my_ song.

_So I promise you this._

_When your heart shatters into a million pieces_

_And you feel so damaged that you can't be fixed_

_I'll fight for you_

_Your pain is my pain_

_And when you run out of places to hide_

_I'll find you_

I closed the book. My head was spinning with delirious joy. Out of all the Christmas presents I ever received, Edward's journal was probably my favorite. How could I possibly inspire so much beauty? It was so damn unnerving, but yet I couldn't help but to feel swept away by it all. I placed down _my_ journal and threw myself forward suddenly to give him a bear hug. It was all about the element of surprise.

"So did you like your gifts?" He whispered in my ear.

"They were pretty awesome." I closed my eyes and rubbed his back. There was this tiny voice in the back of my mind that wanted to ask him to stay. Please don't go Edward. Stay with me. I leaned away with a smile. Shit I was so whipped.

_I'll circle your orbit_

_Come and save me_

_I'll give you love _

_Come and find me, _

_Because you're the one I've been waiting for_

_I promise to be more than your habit_

_Because you blind me, you bind me_

_My heart beats only for you_

_So come on into my heart_

_Fill every inch of space_

_Color my grey walls_

_And fill this empty room_

_So I can finally fall_

_Fall into you_

Later that night Edward and I laid on my bed. I was lying with my hands folded behind my head, and I was staring up at the ceiling. Morning was coming too soon. I stared down at the gelled artwork that was Edward's hair. He was turned over on his side, and he was holding me like I was his _lifejacket_. The world was coming down slowly. We would be okay.

I didn't believe in fairytales. As humans we were all flawed. We hurt, we lied to cover our asses, and even worse we let down the ones that we loved every day. This cold dark world wasn't a place for ever afters, but yet every puzzle piece felt like it fell into place here in this moment.

I was not perfect. I was messed up, and I felt like I could be a jerk sometimes, but for some reason I was lucky enough to get _him_. Edward never gave up on me. Even when I missed his birthday, left him alone for a week, and turned my back on him when he came out, he was always there in my corner.

Fairytales didn't exist. But happiness did. The kind of happiness that made you want to lose yourself in a romantic song. Sing like a fool until you realized that people could actually hear you. This was everything that I ever wanted.

I nudged him. "Edward are you awake?"

"Hmm," he murmured.

"Sit up for a second."

Edward tiredly rested his body on his arm and gazed back at me.

"I _love_ you," I stated slowly. It was the first time I said it to him, and it was a big deal, but I didn't want to be all dramatic about it. I vowed to myself that I would never tell anyone I loved them unless I meant it. And I meant I loved him with every fiber of my being. He made me better.

His eyes wandered over my face and he smiled. Edward nodded and then laid back down on me. "I know you love me. I guess in some deep corner of my heart I always knew that."

I held him tighter and I closed my eyes finally ready to welcome sleep.

***

**Emmett's POV**

**---**

Emmett just finished wrapping the last of his gifts. Now he was relaxing on his bed. A hilarious telenovela was muted on the screen. Every now and then Emmett would tear his attention away from his favorite John Steinbeck book _Of Mice and Men_ and focus on the screen where two women were fighting. He chuckled in amusement as one woman did cartwheels across the screen and caught the other woman in a headlock with her _legs_. "Man that's some hardcore shit."

Rosalie opened the door.

"Dude, what if I was jerking my way to glory."

"Um...eww," Rosalie walked into his room and flopped down on his bed. She had a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream in her hand. "I'm turning into a hungry hippo, but I already called my trainer in Manhattan and told him to put together a rigorous work out plan for me."

Emmett sighed.

Rosalie glared at him. "That whore Jane said I had a good year blimp around my middle."

"Why do you care what that _whore_ says." Emmett frowned. He didn't know anything about Jane except for the fact that Rosalie hated her, so he was only calling her a whore, to make Rosalie feel better.

Rosalie shut him up by feeding him some of her ice cream. "I _don't,"_

"Yeah sure," Emmett said wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Rosalie leaned into Emmett, "So what's the deal between you and that closet case Jacob kid?"

Emmett's eyebrows furrowed.

"He couldn't keep his eyes off of you at the mall. Did you sleep with him?"

"No I haven't."

"Then he likes you and you don't like him back?"

"Why are you asking me about _him_?"

Rosalie dug into her ice cream. "Because of how he was glaring at you. I didn't like the way he was staring. If he has beef with you. He has beef with me."

"I have tons of enemies. Apparently it pisses people off when you steal their boyfriends or girlfriends. Which I don't consider stealing...I just call it borrowing." Emmett shifted his eyes back to the television. He didn't want to unleash Rosalie's wrath on Jacob. She didn't know him. So she had no reason to hate him. "Jacob Black isn't gay. He likes this chick I was trying to talk to."

"He was glaring at you over a girl? Please, everyone knows you only play with girls, but you really like boys."

Up until now Emmett just played with everyone. There had never been a connection. Which he was fine with. Emmett put on a smirk just to keep Rosalie out of his head. While he smirked like a bastard he simultaneously cooked up some story to sell to Rosalie about Jacob. The last thing he was going to do was out him. Rosalie was so loyal to him she sometimes got blinded by her devotion. She could hurt Jacob. Unintentionally out him to Leah without realizing how huge a mistake that was.

He could brag about being soulless all day and night but Emmett wasn't going to hurt Jacob like that. He would only physically hurt him if he hurt Edward. His stupid uncaring heart swelled. Just to keep his mind from thinking anymore Emmett placed his book on his nightstand and closed his eyes.

"Rose I only have one thing to say to you."

"What?" she asked.

"You better not come back here looking like Kelly Ripa. A blowpop. A stick figure with a big head."

Rosalie laughed and she gave Emmett a hug. "So you don't think I'm fat."

"I think you're crazy. Now leave me alone. I always get stuck with chatterboxes on the flight back to Alaska. I must have a face that reads talk to me, I'll listen, and I'll care." Emmett scoffed. "_Please_."

"It's the dimples, people trust dimpled smiles." Rosalie turned off the light. "Wake me before you leave okay."

"I will," He was lying. Emmett knew he would sneak out unannounced. Because the hardest thing for him was to say goodbye. He would worry about Rosalie. Because he felt like she was always comparing herself to someone else. The woman her ex was marrying, her sister, or even Jane.

Emmett balled his fist. He couldn't allow himself to think anymore or else he wouldn't get any sleep.

***

**Jacob's POV**

**---**

_**The next day**_

"You got everything?"

Edward picked up his last suitcase. "Yeah everything I need."

"Okay," I nodded slowly. I shifted the suitcase I carried to my other arm. Last night I had barely slept because predictably the only thing I could think about was him leaving. I watched as Edward bent down to plug out the blinking Christmas lights, they died swiftly. His side of the room was barren. His desk showed no signs of life. Pencils and paper were gone, his textbooks that he couldn't sell back were shoved underneath the bed, and his bed was stripped. My lips thinned. I felt incredibly empty, my heart felt like his side of the room.

"Hey?" Edward said. A smile tugged at his red lips. "Are you getting cold feet about dropping us to the airport?"

I forced a laughed. "Nah,"

Edward sighed and he walked towards me. I guess he could see the sadness all over my face.

I felt like tears could fall any minute if I let them. Why did this feel so final? Our last goodbye, before never again came. Damn the tears. I wasn't going to cry. Edward slipped his hand underneath my arm and pulled me towards him. This time he held me like I usually held him, safely and securely.

"The month will fly by." Edward whispered in my ear and then he delicately kissed my earlobe. "Please stop breaking my heart or else I'm not going to be able to leave. You look so sad." I could see that tears were brimming in his eyes.

I looked away. "I'm _cool_."

Edward turned my face back towards his. He smiled like a radiant sunrise and then he used his thumbs to stretch my lips into a smile. "Maybe you should trying thinking of it this way. We're saying goodbye for now, but it's only temporary." Tears spilled down his cheeks. "This _isn't _forever. We'll be back together soon. And it's going to be great, because we'll have all of next semester to grow, change, and learn. I'll be waiting for my next lesson." He winked and then he gave me one last hug.

I held onto him. Goodbye Edward. Goodbye for now.

**Review Loves**!


	17. Amor Aeternus

**AN**: Happy 2010 babes! Hope you all had a great new year, and guess what I'm back. Sorry for the break, and I wish I could say that I'm back with gifts...Jakeward sex, but being as their on winter break, I can't make that happen just yet. The beginning of spring semester is perfect timing for that. And speaking of spring semester...it might be longer than it's actually supposed to be, and I'll slow down time if I haven't gotten to where I need with this story by April maybe? The reason for that is I'm only covering Edward and Jacob's freshman year, and no major TSA plots will be carried over to any sequels that I may right. Hope that's okay with you guys...and of course I'll be optimistic and hope that you lovely reviews are still with me. In this chapter I posted links in my **profile page** for a scene towards the end, check it out. Just to give some imagery on the setting and outfits worn at Esme and Carlisle's anniversary party. Thank you immensely for the reviews last chapter. I got spoiled again and I heard from a few new people, it always make me smile when new people stop in and review. I love hearing from you guys. I was pleased with the commentary on Emmett and Rosalie last chapter, because now ya'll know a little more about them, and wow Emmett does care about people..._Edward_, and Rosalie isn't as selfish and mean as she comes off. **Tash**- Don't worry about Emmett. He just expects Jake to break Edward's heart because he isn't his biggest fan. **Bdyffrent**- LOL. I try to make Jake a little more vulgar in a 'hmm did he really just say that' because Edward is so romantic and fluffy at times. Your review made me laugh! Thank you. **Cat Masters- **I can answer one of your questions. Jacob will be giving a little more during sex than Edward at times...but in this story Edward will always be the bottom, and Jake the top. **Du1387**- Hmm, if Jake screwed up. Emmett would run to Edward...at least with intentions other than friendly before Edward ran to him. **Kellie Stults**- Your reviews are sooo not boring. I always love hearing what you have to say. I can always tell that you take your time to think through the chapter and let me know exactly what you liked. I really appreciate that! And oh my...I talked a lot. Sorry guys! So they'll probably be 1-2 more chapters of these boys apart...and then I promise to steam things up for their reunion ;) Much Love, Maddie

Chapter 17- Amor Aeternus

--Edward--

_Jacob and I walked side by side towards the gate. Alice turned around and reminded me to have my ticket ready. I nodded in response and removed the ticket from my pocket. I stole a glance at Jacob. He was staring straight ahead; an intense gaze haunted his handsome face. What was he thinking? I mulled over the possibilities. The obvious option was me and how I cried like a baby in our dorm before saying goodbye. Shit. And I did my best to hold the tears at bay, but it was difficult to contain myself when it came to him. _

_ Promises lingered in the air between us. Some were spoken, while others were silent. In Virginia he asked me to date him. I was his boyfriend. I belonged to him, and he belonged to me, but that bond was only shared between us. Leah didn't know that we were an item, and my only problem with that was I would be out of the picture all of winter break. If Jacob felt any inkling at all that he might want to get back with Leah, he was free to, because I would be several states away._

_ My ears warmed at the thought of Leah throwing herself at him. I closed my eyes feeling a little ridiculous. My main problem with the separation was Leah and I hadn't bothered to admit that to myself until now. We were still in the infantile stages of our relationship, and any temptation could ruin us. Obviously I wouldn't stray because Jacob was everything I wanted, but being apart from him would make me question everything._

_ His hand slipped inside mine as if he understood the range of my thoughts._

_ Everything slowed. The insecure thoughts dimmed, and the sound of my heartbeat vibrated in my ears. How could I doubt him? He'd done so much to prove that he was serious about this. Serious abut us. I closed my eyes feeling ashamed for thinking that he would even consider running back to Leah. Aside from a few primal moments where Jacob wanted to rip off my clothes before becoming official, he had always been mindful of my feelings._

_ He wouldn't hurt me. He promised me that. _

_ Jacob traced his thumb in circles on the inside of my palm. His touch left sears of warmth in its trail. He stared at me silently trying to communicate something with his eyes never leaving mine. And then I realized that he was tracing the shape of a heart in my hand. This sticky sweet comfort glided down over me like a shield from my worried thoughts._

_ "You turn me into such a fucking sap and I hate it." He mouthed. Even though he said that, the smile on his face told me that he didn't mind. _

_ The people around us were moving in a hurried pace, trailing their luggage and kids behind them, but we were stuck in place. We were so caught up in each other that I didn't realize Alice and Bella standing right beside us. _

_ "Guys?" Alice said._

_ Jacob's hand shifted as if he wanted to pull away, but for some reason he stopped. He took in a deep breath, his cheeks reddened, and then he squeezed my hand tighter. "Sorry, we got distracted."_

_ I loosened my fingers in between Jacob's, so now our hands were entwined by only two fingers, but he adjusted his hand, and took all of mine in his again. I noticed that his hands were shaking and they were damp with sweat. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have anything to prove to me. Alice didn't need to know. But it was too late. His defiance in holding my hand had sent off alarms._

_ I looked at my sister. Her expression was blank as if she wasn't the slightest bit surprised. When our eyes met my stomach twisted in knots. I had already hurt her once this year by making her the last to know I was gay, hopefully this wouldn't open up new wounds. Alice continued to stare at our hands for a few moments and then she gave me a small nod and mouthed._

_ "It's okay,"_

_ "Tickets," The woman said extending her hand. She had long red nails that looked like they could cut someone and make them bleed. Her eyes darted angrily at anyone who was taking to long to present their ticket so I made sure mine was ready._

_ I gave her my ticket and turned towards Jacob and Bella. Bella stepped back, as if it was obvious that saying goodbye to Jacob was more important than parting with her. I scowled and stepped past Jacob to hug Bella first. I wasn't sure how I was going to say goodbye to Jacob? A hug or a handshake? A kiss. No that was too forward. _

_ "Take care of yourself Edward," she rubbed my back. "Call me when you get to Savannah."_

_ "I will," I said looking into her big brown eyes. Bella looked sad as well. I understood why. If I wasn't so consumed with leaving Jacob, then it would sink in, that I was going to miss her a great deal as well. Bella was more than a friend, she was like a sister to me._

_ "Now go on and say goodbye to your man." She let me go with a sweet smile and tilted her head towards Jacob. Bella reached for Jacob's hand and pulled him towards me. He looked a little offended that I said bye to Bella before him. _

_ My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I sheepishly extended my hand for a handshake. No, a handshake was too cold. Jacob's eyebrows knitted together and then he smacked my hand away as if he wasn't satisfied. _

_ "What is that?" He asked with a small grin. _

_ "A handshake...I don't know."_

_ Jacob narrowed his eyes at me and he chuckled. "She already saw us holding hands." He looked past me at Alice. I saw her standing in the hallway leading to the plane waiting patiently. _

_ "She did,"_

_ "So Alice knows." Jacob said with a shrug._

_ I doubted Jacob would be this flippant about Alice finding out the truth during the semester. She talked to Leah, and I knew Leah was one of the last people he wanted to know about us. _

_ "I don't care about these people here." Jacob said gesturing around the crowded airport. "So say goodbye to me properly." His voice dropped into this irresistible sexy tone. "Don't treat me like some hobo passing you by on the street."_

_ Fine. I blocked out everything and I brought my body closer. The distance between us was filled quickly as our bodies crushed together. I felt his heart thump against my chest, and his scent, Burberry Brit, Irish Spring, and the woodsy outdoors consumed my senses. _

_ My dick pressed uncomfortably against my jeans. Jacob kissed my cheek, and then he leaned away, searching my eyes. He cupped my face in his hands, and his lips smashed against mine. I was completely in his power. Too weak to pull away. His tongue explored my mouth greedily, he sucked at my bottom lip, bit down on it, and made me feel the most pleasurable pain that could possibly be squeezed into five seconds._

_ "Err...Romeo and Romeo." Alice said looping her arm into mine. "People are staring, and you guys are just one inappropriate grab from X rated gay porn. He'll be here when you get back Edward."_

_ My hand was gripping on tightly to the fabric of his shirt. We were so crazy in love that I doubted the world would be able to make sense of us. I looked at Bella who was fangirling all over as she watched us kiss. Well correction, Jacob, Bella, and I were the only ones that could make since of this romance. Because it was intense...almost like trying to survive ten minutes without air. _

_ Alice gave my arm one more polite tug, "E, let's go. Bye Bella. Jake."_

_ Bella and Jacob waved, both of them standing side by side, as Alice and I disappeared into the gate. _

***

My room felt like an incinerator. I tossed and turned all night, taking off layer after layer of clothing. Sunlight peeked through the blinds, scattering light across the baby blue sheet wrapped around my scantily clad body. I didn't even know what time it was, but judging by the smell of bacon, eggs, and homemade waffles drifting from the kitchen, up to the attic, I figured the day was still early.

Since returning home I had adapted a habit of sleeping in every day. Yesterday, I woke up at three in the afternoon stunned to find the house empty, and lunch waiting in the fridge for me. I forced myself to sit up, and squinted through the brightness at the familiar setting of my room. Unlike the blank walls of my dorm at College Park, my room here was a little more personalized.

Posters of the Beatles, Led Zepplin, and Van Morrison were lined on my walls. Giving a tribute to the taste I shared for classic rock and roll music with my dad. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and went to the window. I pulled back the wispy white curtains and let in some air. The morning was brisk and chilly. I leaned forward stretching out my back and stared down at the marina, sailboats bobbed gently along the docks, and a few people were out in smaller boats fishing.

It had been a while since I'd gone sailing.

I figured that today I should probably do something, since I'd been a homebody the last few days. My behavior wasn't unusual. Before getting a life in college I used to stay inside often, working on music and writing songs, or getting lost in books. Alice always dragged me out though, giving me no option to stay in the house for longer than two days in a row.

I liked the solitude. The time alone. But I noticed that my parents were basically bending over backwards to get me out of the house now. My mom invited me to the garden shop with her, and then to plant flowers outside. Gardening was one of Esme's passions next to teaching and cooking. My dad on the other hand constantly invited me for drives. Since I was young, Carlisle liked to take drives. He would just get in his car with no particular destination in mind and drive. Classic tunes would be turned up high, and he would sing along.

I used to love going on those drives with him, because we would talk for hours. I was a kid then, so I talked about bikes, and soccer, back when I was interested in that, and _boys_. Of course I told him that they were my friends, but I never mentioned any boy unless I had a crush on them. I wondered if my dad knew I was gay back then. If he did, then he never said anything, or even hinted at the possible knowledge.

Alice's bright yellow Porsche 911 Turbo shot wildly out of the garage. Like me, Alice had a flair for driving fast. She was blasting Owl City so I doubted she would hear me. I quickly went to my phone and called her.

"Wow, miracles happen everyday. He's up at _nine_." She said sarcastically.

"Where are you going Allie?"

"To the community center to do some ballet, meet me there in an hour, we have an anniversary to plan."

An anniversary? _Oh Fuck_. How could I forget? I frowned in embarrassment. When it came to being a son, I was clearly an epic fail.

"An hour Edward." Alice hung up.

I watched as she sped down the street lined with oak trees dripping with Spanish moss. My cell phone, which was still in my hand vibrated again. I expected it to be Alice, but it wasn't her. It was Jacob. I grinned from ear to ear and answered.

"Hello?"

"Oh _fuck _you're up. Sweet Jesus he's up."

I rolled my eyes, "It must be a crime to sleep in?"

"Nah, I'm just jerkin' your chain. What are you up to sexy?" Jacob asked.

"Nothing." I had no objections at all to waking up early to him.

"What are you wearing?"

My lips pulled into a smile. I also didn't object to a little dirty talk in the morning. "Basically nothing. _You_?"

"Just got out of the shower man."

I licked my lips. "Don't tempt me because I can't do anything with that."

"I can give you a little visual. It comes wet and hard."

"Jake stop fucking with me."

"Turn on your computer."

_Web cam_. I bit my lip as I glanced towards my computer. The thought was a little too tempting to turn down. I took in a deep breath. "Okay, just give me a few minutes." I went to my computer and turned it on. "So how is life in Ellicott City?"

"Tepid." Jacob answered.

I snickered. "SAT word of the day?"

"I got another SAT word for you, _fellatio_. You're good at that."

I swallowed. My cheeks burned dangerously. "Someone is horny huh?"

"And you aren't."

"Jake, I'm always horny."

"Like a bunny rabbit."

I closed my eyes and traced my tongue across my lips. His mention of bunny rabbits, made me think of bouncing, and then naturally, bouncing up and down on his dick.

"What's taking so long?" He asked impatiently.

"Patience is a virtue." I responded. A few minutes later we were looking back at each other. The lust running through me was replaced with the soft hum of the song I had played for him last year. "You cut your hair."

"Just a little."

I nodded.

He moved his mouth to the side. Jacob suddenly took on this cute expression of worry. His eyebrows knitted together and his mouth opened. "You don't like it?"

"No, I like it." My eyes wandered down the screen. "And you're naked." I bit my lip and whispered. "You whore."

"Oh no baby, you're the whore, going down on me so easily." He chuckled.

Our webcam pillow talk was turning me on. The novelty of seeing him in the flesh, instead of hearing him through a phone, wore off as he begin to touch himself. Jacob bit his lip and nodded as if he knew his hands were in all the right places.

"Take off those boxers." He more or less ordered.

"Jake,"

"Be naked and free like me. It's a good look."

Jacob was back in typical form. Sexual and devious. It was a wonder I held out to him as long as I did. When we first met before I got to know him, he talked about sex a lot. Never with Leah, but just in general. He wasn't shy about it, and that turned me on, because I obviously was.

"Take it off. Take it off." Jacob cheered.

He was loud.

"Are you home alone?" I asked.

"Nah, Brent's busted ass is here with me. Even more reason to be loud. Edward show me your _cojones_."

My eyes widened. Jacob was being bold. I knew that he didn't want Brent to find out about us, because if he did he would tell Rachel. I glanced over my shoulder. Alice was the only one that usually made surprise appearances in my room, my dad was gone, and my mom was probably cleaning the kitchen. No one would walk in on me. I tried to push my self consciousness down into a dark pit.

It was always easier to lose myself when Jacob was right next to me. Running his hands down my body, kissing me like I rocked his world, and staring at me intensely like I made him feel things...mentally and physically that no one else ever could. I felt goofy and awkward as I tugged my boxers down my long legs.

"That's a present I forgot to unwrap for Christmas."

I sat back down with my hands flat on my things.

"Stroke it."

"Jake," I smiled sheepishly.

"Why are you so shy now."

"I've never done this before..."

"Then just pretend like you're in your room alone and your stroking that thick love stick..."

"Love stick." I repeated making fun of him.

"Love _dick_." Jacob substituted instead with a wicked chuckle.

He took my breath away. If he was trying to seduce me into jerking off for him on webcam then it was working.

"We're all about trying new things remember." Jacob reminded. He tilted his head to the side, "Fine, I'll give you a show. Do you want it?"

"Of course I do," I breathed.

Jacob slouched back in his chair and trailed his hand up the length of his cock. He was so fucking big, and so were his balls. I closed my eyes for a second and fantasized about giving him head again. Now that we were dating I figured I could get away with giving him a happy ending every night before he went to bed. My dick stirred and started to lengthen and stretch until it was sticking straight up.

Jacob's top lip twisted upwards. "When we get back to College Park I'm going to fuck you so hard..."

I cleared my throat.

"I'm going to ram my dick in and out of your ass."

I opened my mouth to take in a shallow breath. His words sounded like they were straight from some cheesy porno with F rated acting...but fuck if he wasn't turning me on. I wrapped my hands around my dick. Jacob was stroking himself, and his face was twisted in sinful pleasure, he was also making these guttural grunts.

I lost myself in the unfiltered temptation he provided with his words and visual imagery. Jacob moaned and massaged his balls as he started to jerk off even harder. I moved along to his rhythm not caring anymore how ridiculous I might look. The air was stifling around me as the static charge took over. My body tightened and all I wanted was to cum so badly.

As he reached his climax, Jacob's eyes rolled all the way back in his head, and he bit down hard on his lip. I moaned and started to move my hand even faster as I saw him erupt onto his slick chest, ripped arms, and face.

I was next. I stared back at him lustfully. I was flashing forward to our first time. I wanted him to fuck me so hard, pound me, make me forget myself for the sacred minutes he was in me, and explode deep inside. The heat overtook me and I tilted my head back moving my hand up and down. In a matter of seconds my hands and chest were covered with sticky fluid.

"Edward you're up...oh my..."

I was disoriented with Jacob and sex so I had no time to cover myself or at least hide the computer. My mouth dropped to the floor in horror. Standing at the top of the attic stairs, looking back at me, was my _mom_. Her face was bright red and she looked just as horrified as me. I scrambled around searching for something, anything to cover my naked ass. And then I realized that she could probably see Jacob naked too.

Fuck. Fuck. Damn it!

Her footsteps quickly retreated down the stairs. "Sorry Edward!" I heard her call quickly.

I made a painful groan and circled my arms around my raised knees. That was the most embarrassing thing _ever_. It took me a while to realize that Jacob was calling for me. "Wait a minute Jake." I quickly crossed to my closet door and pulled down a towel to wipe the cum off of me. I then threw on some mesh shorts, just in case, someone else decided to walk in on me in all my naughty glory.

"Did she see you?" I asked him shaken.

"I dunno?" Jacob laughed a little. "I dropped and rolled onto the floor." He raised his knee showing a gash dripping with blood. "I cut myself in the process. Battle wound."

My eyebrows drew together. "I'm sorry about that. I guess she thought I was sleeping."

"It doesn't matter. You're the one that has to deal with your mom seeing you get the nasty on with some boy...so I should be apologizing to you." Jacob moved his mouth to the side. "But it should be cool. You Cullen's are the Brady Bunch, always happy, always loving, freakin' unreal, so I'm sure she won't be too mad."

"You owe me." I said trying to lighten the mood, even though I was still pretty traumatized.

"How about this." Jacob setup. "How about when we get back to College Park, I'll try giving you some head alright? Just to equal the playing field."

I smiled crookedly. For some reason I never thought about Jacob giving me head. But now that he mentioned it. "I'll hold you to that."

"Go take a shower." Jacob winked. "You smell like cum."

I giggled.

"Love you baby boy."

I wasn't expecting an I love you in this tawdry conversation. But Jacob did like the element of surprise. My heart swelled and I felt all warm and tingly inside. "Love you too." Now I had to go downstairs and apologize to my mom.

***

I took an extra long shower. Scrubbing myself down at least twice, and washing my hair for longer than necessary. There was no way to get out of an awkward apology. My mom obviously saw me naked and jerking off, and even though I was eighteen, I still didn't want her walking in on that. _Fuck_. I gingerly brushed my teeth, and then got changed into a light blue button down shirt, rolling up the sleeves, and some khakis. I walked down the stairs like a kid who knew they did something wrong, and was waiting for their punishment.

I crossed through the foyer and past the dining room into the kitchen. My mom was making a cake; her chestnut tresses with natural blonde streaks fell down her slender frame. She turned around, and I could tell by her expression that we both didn't know how to approach this conversation.

"Edward, breakfast is in the fridge I can warm it up for you if you like?"

I bit my lip. "Mom,"

She waved her hands. "We don't have to talk about it. Your eighteen, you deserve some privacy, and I should've warned you before I came up." Esme spoke quickly. Her smile faltered a little, but I could tell she was trying her best to keep it. She opened the fridge, "The oatmeal is the cabinet, and did you want bacon or sausage..."

"Mom, I really don't want to talk about this with you, because it's embarrassing, but I don't want to be awkward all day." I wanted to turn around and run. I probably would've if today wasn't my parent's anniversary. If I disappeared for a while then _sweet_ Alice would turn militant and come after me with a shotgun.

"We don't have to be awkward." Esme said finally looking at me. "You're eighteen, but you're still my kid. No I don't want to think about you having sex, but it will happen." Esme took in a deep breath. "I'm not going to have a sex talk with you, because you're smart. You've always followed your heart and made mature decisions. Just be safe."

I nodded. "I will be."

Esme took in another sigh and then she waved me over. Unexpectedly she pulled me into a hug. "I didn't eat yet because I was waiting for you to get up." Esme's laugh, which was similar to the same song as Alice's filled my ears like a pleasant dream. "I assumed that I was going to be eating at three or four in the afternoon."

The embarrassment was slowly starting to fade. I was always amazed at the way my parents handled things, with such grace and kindness. I appreciated them for that, and it made me wonder again, why I had waited so long to come out to them. They had never failed me before, so why would they start now. I warmed up the food in the fridge, the bacon, waffles, and scrambled eggs, while my mom made me some oatmeal.

A few minutes later we sat outside on the patio. Birds chirped in song around us, and a soft breeze wafted the scent of honeysuckle and jasmine through the ivory pillars jutting from the rich amber colored flooring. I bit into a piece of bacon.

The breeze pulled at strands of my mom's hair. I couldn't help but to peek down at her stomach. She was starting to show a little. I smiled at the thought of being a big brother. "Do you think your having twins again?"

Esme smiled fondly, "That would be nice." She took a sip of her tea. "So how is college going?"

"Great."

Esme tilted her head to the side. "Are you really going to treat me like one of the buds?"

I snickered to myself and shook my head. "No. I'll give you the version that I would give Alice if she didn't already know every intimate detail of my life. I made some new friends, I got a 3.8 GPA last semester, and college life is anything but painful."

Esme's eyes lit up and crinkled around the edges.

"And..." My cheeks warmed again and I felt all tongue tied and foolish.

"_And_?" Esme encouraged.

"You and dad have been married for _nineteen_ years. When did you realize that you loved him?"

Esme's eyes twinkled. "Funny you ask. Alice was going through some old photo albums and she dug up the first picture your father took of me. We were in biology class together in tenth grade. I was a very serious student, and well your father wasn't."

"Dad wasn't a serious student?" I found that extremely hard to believe considering how dedicated Carlisle was to the hospital and his patients.

"_Yes_," Esme rearranged the magnolias and lilacs that were in a light purple vase on the stone table between us. "Carlisle slept through class, copied my notes, and he had this obsession with taking pictures. He used to say that his lifetime goal was to be a professional photographer. But one day I noticed Carlisle taking pictures of me and I didn't like it one bit, so I told him to stop, and then he told me he would, if I went on a date with him. Your father was a sneaky devil."

I couldn't believe that I hadn't heard this story before. Probably because I never asked. I was sure Alice heard it a million times. I continued to eat as I listened to my mom explain the story of how she met my dad. Her eyes lit up excitedly and she tossed in a few eye rolls, shrug of the shoulders, and giggles that resembled Alice so closely.

"I went on the date with Carlisle not expecting much. I agreed mostly because I was bored, and I did secretly think he was cute. He showed up with a single red rose, and he behaved like a gentleman. That night I saw a side to him that I never expected to see. We danced, and that was a feat in itself because I have two left feet. Carlisle was patient and he taught me how to dance, I never laughed so much in my life, or felt so close to anyone."

"There was just a spark, this undeniable spark that drew me to him, and kept me by his side, entranced. I didn't realize that I loved him until a few months later, but we became good friends after our first _date_. From then on Carlisle brought me a red rose, one every single day, and put it in my locker. He told me he was going to wear me down until I fell in love with him."

"And judging by where we are. He _did_ wear you down."

Esme clasped her hands together. "He did. So why do you ask?"

The look on my mom's face was purely encouraging. It had been a while since we had a heart to heart. Growing up I had been so closed off when it came to sharing my emotions. I was sure it was a relief to her that I wasn't entirely depressed and destructive inside. I didn't want her to worry anymore about me, especially with the baby coming. I bit my lip and stared out towards the freshly mowed grass, and the serene blues of the swimming pool just beyond Esme's garden.

"There is someone." I said sounding a little too professional. "I asked you about dad, because I wanted to know when did you think it's too early to fall in love."

Esme's forehead creased. "So I'm going to assume that you're in love." She didn't ask me with doubt, but instead as if she needed me to confirm that she was on the right track.

"I think I am."

For a second it looked like my mom was going to cry I looked away embarrassed. I didn't want her to cry, even if they were tears of joy.

"I've never seen you glow like this over anyone. When Carlisle and I picked you up from the airport. I knew something was different. I couldn't place my finger on what it was, but I knew there was something. Tell me about him."

I wondered if anything I said would get past the imagery of me _slutting_ it up this morning for the guy I was declaring my love for. Even if we had brushed over the awkward conversation this morning, I knew it was still in her mind. How could she completely forget that? "He's funny and he makes me laugh without even trying too. And he makes me feel special."

"I can tell by the way you describe him, that he must be special himself." The phone rung in the kitchen. "I'll be right back." She ran inside and a few minutes later she returned. "Alice is wondering where you are."

"Right," I went to grab my dishes, but my mom quickly intercepted me. "I'll take care of those. Go ahead and meet Alice because you know how much she hates waiting. And Edward thanks for talking to me."

I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and then grabbed the keys to my Volvo.

***

Alice was the only one in the ballet studio. The lights were off, and sunlight glimmered in through the various windows surrounding the space. I leaned against the wall and watched her. Alice was graceful and poised, she moved around like a tiny dancer, with pirouettes and side leaps. Our eyes connected in the mirror and I clapped my hands walking towards her. This routine was identical to the one she had performed at Julliard a year ago in hopes of getting in. But she didn't, which was why she ended up at College Park.

Alice twirled around me. Canon in D Major was playing in the background. That was Alice's go to song for routines. She unexpectedly reached for my hand and made me twirl her around.

The light shined like golden rays of light around her black leotard and spinning form. She twirled away from me, and then leapt into the air like a gazelle, and landed smoothly on her feet.

"Did you want to try out some moves with me?" Alice teased.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Sure, if you're in need of a good laugh."

Alice did one last twirl and then joined me where I stood. "Took you _forever_."

"Had things to do." I answered vaguely.

Alice grabbed her bag. "I have fairytales in mind for mom and dad's anniversary."

"Fairytales," I couldn't exactly say that I was surprised.

"They entrusted us with planning part of their anniversary so it has to be perfect." Alice stared off into space as if she was imagining a vision. "They're going to have a romantic dinner on the beach, and dad will take over from there."

I nodded. When Alice had plans it was best to just listen. Arguing was futile, because she always got her way in the end. "And what should I do? Swing back and forth in the wind like a prop?"

"No. Mom loves this Italian restaurant not to far away from where she works. I'm going to order dinner for them so they can eat on the beach. You need to dress up a little. No crazy gelled hair, plaid shirts, or jeans. The dress code is a tie, starched shirt, and slacks."

She rattled on about spas, romantic poems that she had conned our parents into writing, and pictures that she had collected. She said we were going to separate our parents and follow through with a list of things they wanted each other to do in preparation for tonight. Before I had the chance to blink Alice was handing me a light blue box with a white ribbon tied in the front.

"Dad's at work. Mom's first gift for him is at the photo studio on Jones Street. Take him there." With that she quickly walked away, like a pixie on a mission.

***

Memorial University Medical Center wasn't that far away from the Community Center. It had been a while since I stepped into the hospital. Memories of Elizabeth flooded my thoughts. The reason why I didn't visit this hospital often was because I was haunted. I felt like Elizabeth was still here. Waiting in her room, holding onto a single thread of hope that her cancer would be cured. I _should_ be looking for my dad but I was sidetracked. I walked through the white hall my Converse's squished on the tiles.

I remembered Elizabeth's room clearly, as if I had visited her just yesterday. I saw a few nurses and doctors glance my way as if they wanted to say hi. After all these years they still recognized me. I was sure that part of that recognition had to do with the fact that Alice and I used to always visit our dad at work.

I balled my fist tightly and then peeked through the narrow piece of glass. I saw a little girl sitting on the bed, _Elizabeth's bed_, a fluorescent scarf was tied around her head, and she was laughing. I was about to back away until I heard my dad's voice inching nearer. He opened the door and I looked back at him surprised feeling like an intruder.

"Edward?" Carlisle stared back at me surprised.

"Hey dad. Sorry I..." I shifted my weight to the other foot. "I didn't realize you were working, Alice sent me to _kidnap_ you for your anniversary."

Thin creases appeared in Carlisle's usually smooth forehead. His lips formed a troubled O of surprise. "I thought Alice was just kidnapping your mom?"

"No you too." I shoved my hands in my pocket. "But Alice doesn't have to know that I didn't kidnap you. Mom would understand. You guys can go to the places mom set out for you tomorrow. But you can't get out of dinner because Alice will be there."

Carlisle nodded, "Of course. I wouldn't miss dinner for the world after all the trouble you and Alice went through." He stared back at me concerned. I wondered why, until I realized again that we were in Elizabeth's old room.

"Aislynn this is my son Edward." Carlisle introduced. He held me securely like I wasn't strong enough to be here. That bothered me slightly because I _wanted_ to be a doctor. I wasn't the same kid that was too weak to handle cancer, I wanted to cure it, and save lives.

"Edward," Aislynn smiled widely. "He's cute. Handsome men must run in the Cullen family."

I had to laugh, because this kid was fresh.

"Could he stay with me until my mom comes? It gets so boring in here, and I'm tired of watching Nickelodeon." Aislynn complained. "Oh and can I get some more green Jello?"

I watched the little girl with a smile. Despite her sickness she was still cracking jokes, and smiling up a storm. "Sure I can stay."

"Edward maybe you shouldn't?" Carlisle said.

"Dad," I turned my back to the little girl. "All my life you've read me medical books, and talked to me about patients. I want to be a doctor just like you. I'm pretty sure I can handle keeping a little girl company until her mom comes...as long as I'm not breaking any rules by being here."

"No," Carlisle shook his head. "And I do have faith in you Edward. I know you'll make a great doctor, but there is training involved, a great deal of training that got me to where I am now."

"But I'm not approaching this as a _doctor_. She just wants some company, and I'm waiting for you anyways."

I had obviously provided my dad with a stalemate.

"Okay Edward." Carlisle left me in the room. I could tell that he didn't want to do that.

"So Dr. Cullen tells me that you're into music." Aislynn said. Her hands were folded in her lap. "Me too. Bet I can play any instrument better than you."

"Really?" I crossed the room. "I don't know about that." I eyed the closet where Elizabeth used to keep toys for Alice and I. The TV was still the same. We used to fall asleep on Elizabeth's bed watching _Full House_. I took a seat in the chair beside the bed.

"What's wrong with you? You look sad." Aislynn scowled almost as if she was offended.

I looked back at her surprised. "What? Nah, I'm not sad."

"You shouldn't be. This hospital is filled with enough sad energy as it is." Aislynn smiled softly. "By the way thanks for staying in here with me. This room is dead boring. The least they could do was give a kid some HBO so I could catch up with reruns of _True Blood_."

I arched an eyebrow. "How old are you?"

"Ten."

"Isn't that show a little too racy for a ten year old?"

"Nope, it's just right."

I gave Aislynn an odd look but I just smiled.

"Well since I'm not allowed to watch HBO. Just stupid Sesame Street, which I'm way too old for." I laughed because Jacob wasn't too old for it. "Thankfully Dr. Cullen comes in here to keep me company. He talks a lot about his kids...but obviously you aren't a kid. You're a big boy." Aislynn giggled. "But you're really lucky to have him as a father."

"I am."

Aislynn pointed to the ring around my neck, it was poking through my button down shirt. "That's pretty, where'd you get it?"

"This," I looped my hand through the opening. "From someone who loves me." My cheeks warmed because it felt odd talking about love with a ten year old child. At ten you barely understood what that word meant, except that if your parents were together, and still happy, it applied to them.

"She must love you a lot."

I bit my lip and nodded. I looked around the room again. Aislynn had a purple poster board with stars and unicorns decorated across the front. Signatures were scattered in messy scribble across the surface. Aislynn followed my eyes towards the far wall.

"My friends in class put that together." Aislynn explained. "Get well wishes." She nodded strongly. "I made a promise that I would be back by next year and I plan on following through. I'm gonna kick cancer in it's ugly butt."

Her courage brought tears to my eyes. But of course those tears didn't fall.

"You must be the hero around here huh. The little warrior?" I egged on.

Aislynn nodded primly and adjusted her scarf. When she smiled the dark purple bruises underneath her eyes seemed less severe. Her courage reminded me of Elizabeth ever so slightly. That tugged at my heart strings. "I have a secret, a reason for how I stay so strong."

"What's your secret?" I asked.

She pointed to my necklace. "_Love_."

I made a face.

"Take that back."

"Take what back?"

Aislynn mimicked my face by crossing her eyes and snarling her lip.

My mouth dropped. "I didn't look at you like _that._"

"Ten isn't that young you know." Aislynn said crossing her arms, as if she was a forty year old that knew everything there was to know about life.

"It is young. You're a baby."

Aislynn scoffed. "I can read my mom's _sapfest_ romance novels and understand them for the crap they are. I can get A's in school, understand the meaning of right and wrong, and walk myself home after school _alone_. So why am I too young to love."

"I didn't say you were too young to love." I could see that Aislynn had a quality in her to argue to the death about something she was passionate about. I didn't want to upset her, because that would defeat the purpose of me keeping her company. I decided to hear her out. "Okay, so then tell me what love is to you."

"There are two kinds of love." Aislynn sat up, "Love for family, BFF's fall under that category, and then there is the other kind. The one where you draw heart shapes on paper, play MASH and do cartwheels when you get married to Dean Cira. And when Dean picks you buttercups and puts them in your hair despite the fact that his friends call him a _wussy_ boy."

I knew I had crushes when I was around Aislynn's age, but I couldn't pinpoint the things that made me justify those crushes, like Aislynn could. "So you're in _love_." I said that just to make her happy.

The door opened and an petite woman, with dark blonde hair, tired blue eyes, and a billowing dress that seemed far too big for he waifish figure, walked in with a little boy. The boy was staring at me like I better back away from Aislynn and fast. A basket of buttercups was in his hands.

"Dr. Cullen told me you would be in here." The woman extended her hand with a smile. "I'm Margo, Aislynn's mom."

"Tell her she needs to stop worrying so much." Aislynn told me. "I'm _okay_ mom."

"Edward nice to meet you." I said kindly. I couldn't help but to notice that she was worse off than her daughter. Margo looked weaker that Aislynn, as if she was the one battling cancer. I guess I could understand her struggle. If my kid was going through this I would be an emotional wreck, but doing everything I could to hide the fear and worry in their presence.

"For you," Dean said placing the buttercups on the stand beside Aislynn's bed.

"Did you sneak me the chocolate chip cookies?" I heard Aislynn whisper.

"Just one, because they make you sick." Dean said.

"Uggh, don't turn into my mom on me. Dean sharing is caring, and not the unlawful banning of chocolaty treats." Aislynn complained.

I watched as Dean tucked a single buttercup behind Aislynn's ear. She stopped complaining and then she blushed. Dean held up one index finger, and Aislynn held up one as well. They brought their fingers together as if to show some sign of affection that only they could understand.

I watched the kids transfixed wondering how they could be so wise beyond their years.

"She thinks she's a grown woman at _ten_." Margo said quietly to me.

I thought I was a grown man at ten so I could understand that.

"Dean keeps her spirits high." Margo slung an arm around her shoulder, "But that's good because she's so intuitive. She can pick up on my moods, and my sadness. It's hard." Margo's voice trailed off, "Thank you again for keeping my daughter company."

I nodded. "Anytime."

Dean took a seat on the edge of Aislynn's bed and childish laughter wafted from where they sat with their heads bent. Although Aislynn's purple poster board with unicorns and stars was reserved for her class, I felt compelled to leave a message. I picked up a Sharpie and wrote in one of the few empty spaces:

"Keep the courage and strength. You're the bravest kid I've ever known. Keep fighting. I'm rooting for you! _Edward Cullen_."

***

A few hours later I was back home. My dad made good on his promise, and not only were we in time for dinner, but we also managed to stop at the places Esme set out for him. Now he was in his room getting dressed for the romantic dinner Alice put together. My cell kept going off. A few times I wished it was Jacob, but after a while I lost all hope, because Alice kept making sure everything was moving on schedule. While I waited I lingered in the kitchen. Alice had left a few photo albums out on the granite countertop.

Carlisle stepped into the kitchen with me. I arched an eyebrow and whistled. "That's hot dad do a little turn for me."

Carlisle suavely did a spin on the heels of his dress shoes. He wore a pale grey dress vest, with matching slacks, a charcoal tie, and a crisp white button down shirt. His light blonde hair was gelled back. He looked down at his watch. "Alice will kill us if we're so much as five minutes late."

"Kill _me_. I'm the one that has to come back with her." I reached for the keys to my dad's Mercedes and tossed it to him. "Let's rock and roll."

"How did it go, keeping Aislynn company?"

"Oh, it went good." I said with a nod. "She's a smart little girl."

Carlisle smiled absently. "She sure is. You know she kind of reminds me of _you_ as a kid."

"Why is that?" I asked tilting my head towards the door so we could walk and talk.

"She's independent, and she's just ten but she wants to take care of everyone. You would never know how much pain she's in, because she's so brave." Carlisle tucked his hands into his pockets as we stepped out into the constellation filled night. "I owe you an apology for treating you like a child earlier."

I gave him a small smile.

"It took me years to deal with the pain that I wouldn't be able to save every life I come in contact with. I became a doctor because I wanted to heal, I wanted to save lives, and give someone a few more years. But I'm not God."

"Dad I'm not mad at you. Today is your anniversary,"

Carlisle pressed on anyways. "I never got over Elizabeth's death."

The happiness that filled my heart earlier felt like it was escaping.

"There was no way I could've saved her life. Her cancer was far too advanced, but I was determined, because she was part of our family. When she died...I seriously considered walking away from it all. But then I saw you one day after work in my lab jacket, and you told me that you wanted to be a doctor so no one else you loved would die." Carlisle looked back at me proudly.

"You pulled me through the rough patch without even realizing how effective your words were. But I see pieces of you in Aislynn, despite everything she remains strong...and _sassy_." Carlisle chuckled. "It's hard not to get attached sometimes, but having you there, right beside Aislynn, in Elizabeth's room, scared the hell out of me."

"Why?" I asked my heart hammering against my chest.

"Because I want to protect you. You're my son and there are some things in this world that you'll never understand, even I can't understand. Darkness that effects good people, and cancer that takes away children far before their time."

Now I understood why Carlisle was bringing this up now. One thing I could always depend on him for was to be honest. If Aislynn reminded him of me, that explained why he was working tirelessly to save her life. Mom did say that he was at the hospital more often than usual these days. My heart felt hollow. Without saying the words, Carlisle told me that Aislynn's chances for beating her cancer weren't that high.

***

The waves crashed in splashes of white foam and then gently ebbed back into the sea. The air was ripe with the scent of vanilla and coconut. I gazed ahead towards the shore where a tent was set up. Stalks made of palm tree held up an earthy colored tarp. The tarp was suspended over crisp white sheets spread over the flooring. Four circular lamps were buoyed around the palm tree pillars. Underneath the tarp were Alice and Esme. Alice was eagerly waving us over. I stole a quick glance at my dad hoping that his mind was completely focused on here and now.

The smile on his face, and the lovesick look in his eyes, like he was seeing Esme for the first time told me he was. Carlisle had a single red rose in his hand. Together we walked through the sea of candles, dancing with delight in the wind, towards the canopy. Whoever Alice hired to set this up had done an excellent job. Once underneath the shelter, I noticed that the pillars were covered with freesia and lilies. More candles were inside.

Matching white throws pillows made of leather and circled with a black fringe were on the floor, just outside of the smooth black table made of granite. The table, which was only a few inches in length, had no legs, just a smooth surface. Pale blue and lavender hydrangeas were in dark purple vases in the middle.

"Esme you look gorgeous." Carlisle said his voice dropping a few octaves. He took Esme in his arms and planted a single kiss on her lips; the rose rested against his chest, as she affectionately caressed his face.

Her hair was swept up in an elegant bun. She wore a deep wine colored dress, made of a sexy silk, with a taffeta bow tied in the front. A black jacket with gold buttons hung over her shoulders.

"Edward can you pour the cider?" Alice instructed.

"Sure," I said. I reached for the bottle of Sparkling Cider, chilling in a gold bucket filled with ice cubes.

"Tonight we're celebrating nineteen years of triumphs, ups, downs, _twins_, and everlasting love. I'm sure that when you guys first met, and dad was anything but the charming man he is today..." Alice paused and gave Carlisle an amused look.

"I was charming." Carlisle insisted.

Esme smiled and affectionately reached for Carlisle's hand. "As charming as you could be then."

I tilted my head to the side with a smile and handed them both long stemmed glasses.

"Edward and I put together this anniversary booklet to celebrate today, tomorrow, and every other day that is just another milestone in your marriage." Alice linked her arm in mine and led me towards our parents. "And mom don't worry. I know you're starved. We do have food."

Esme shook her head appreciatively. "I'm not thinking about food. I really appreciate you guys for doing this for us."

"Everyone sit." Alice instructed. She folded her legs underneath her.

I sat beside Alice stretching out my arms and resting my hands against the soft white flooring. She handed Esme a present wrapped in sleek black paper with a red bow.

"Ohh," Esme sung. She unwrapped the ribbon and tore off the paper careful not to rip it too much. A photo album with white leather covering, speckles of gold around the front, and frosted words reading 'Esme and Carlisle a celebration' was inside. Together we looked through the album. I laughed so hard at the sight of unfortunate outfits from the 80's and early 90's, and couldn't help but to stare in awe at the story my mom and dad had built together over the years.

Every look, every smile, even the silly pictures where they were sticking out tongues, or dancing, was a representation of how much they loved each other. Underneath the glow of the soft lights, and the moon transcending over the stretch of sand, Esme and Carlisle dived into detailed stories behind the pictures. I listened with new ears. Their love wasn't something I could only _dream_ of reaching anymore.

Listening to their stories, and being on the beach surrounded by flowers and so much love, made me feel hopeful. I could have all of this with time. There was finally someone in this world who missed me like air when I was miles away. Someone who dared to lose himself in romance, only because I was worth the embarrassment. And as Aislynn said, a guy who I could name during MASH and cheer like a giddy kid, when I crossed out every name but his.

And I had a chance to have that.

The night moved smoothly. Alice and I served our parents dinner. After they ate, Alice helped me clean up the dishes and the food, and she turned on their song, _Forever Young_ by Alphaville. The music filled the tent as they danced, it seemed as if Alice and I faded from the room. It was just them, dancing in a slow circle; Carlisle leaned in to whisper something in Esme's ear. He stayed there for a while, as her hand gripped onto his vest. After a while I realized that he was singing to her.

I heard Alice squee beside me. "I think we've done our job. Now we should go before we see things that we have no business seeing."

I suddenly flashed back to this morning. Naked, guilty, and caught. Yeah, one traumatic experience was enough for one day.

We slipped from underneath the canopy shrouded in light and into the darkness. Alice dug around in her purse for her keys. "What are you in the mood for...for dinner."

I looked over my shoulder and watched as Carlisle picked Esme up in his arms. He was still singing to her as he spun her around. She was laughing and holding onto him tightly, as he rocked her. Carlisle let her back down onto her feet like a lithe dancer. She placed her hands on his face and giggled as their noses touched. I didn't realize that I had stopped walking, until I noticed that Alice was standing beside me facing the round moon towering over Savannah.

"That _will _be you one day." She said elbowing me.

"Huh?" I quickly tried to deny ever wanting that.

"And when that is you, just know that you'll have me to plan your wedding and all your anniversary parties after that." Alice grinned wickedly. "Sound fun?"

No it sounded about as fun as being hung upside down. But I couldn't help but to smile anyways.

***

After dinner I spent about two hours in Alice's room. We talked, she conned me into watching movies with her, and basically we caught up. It was funny because even though I saw Alice every day at College Park, there were so many things I didn't know about her semester. Like always I let her do most of the talking, and she noticed this so she suggested we talk not about me, but _Jacob_. Luckily, Jacob called right then. It was uncanny how he knew I needed saving right about now.

"Tell him I said hi." Alice called as I walked out of her room.

I answered as I made my way back up to the attic. "Hey you."

"Hey," he sounded out of breath.

"Were you running?"

Jacob laughed airily, "Seth and I were just horsing around outside. Get on your webcam."

"Okay,"

"Bye," Jacob hung up without giving me a chance to say anything else.

I settled back in front of my computer. The scene of the crime. I purposely blocked my mind from flashing back to Esme walking on me jerking off this morning. A few moments later I was staring back at _my_ Jacob. All the air pushed against my lungs and I felt undeniably full. Even though I had just seen him this morning in all his naked glory, it felt like a lifetime ago. I rested my hand against my flushed cheek and took in his black tee shirt, and his dark eyes.

"I hate the phone. I'd rather _see _you." He said.

"Me too." I waved at him.

Jacob tilted his head to the side, "So how was your day?"  
I dived into an epic conversation that revolved around my day. I touched on my conversations with Alice, Esme, and my dad, and lastly I talked about Aislynn. I unloaded everything on him without missing a beat. I didn't realize that I had talked so much until I glanced at the clock. An hour had passed by of just _me_ talking. My eyes widened in horror. "Jake!"

I couldn't recall him looking away from me once during that entire hour. His attention remained solely focused on me, not one yawn, or a roll of the eyes, just complete attention. I sunk down into my chair feeling embarrassed. "You should've told me to shut up."

Jacob made an exaggerated face. "Why the fuck would I do that?"

"Because I've been talking nonstop for the last hour."

"You had a lot to say, and lucky for you I like listening to all your _garbage_." Jacob winked and then settled his strong arms in front of him. "Cullen you know I could listen to you all day."

I bit my lip. "Tell me about your day."

"I rode my motorcycle for a while, raced Paul and beat him, hung out with Seth, missed you, and crossed off another day on my calendar. Uneventful."

I noticed that he was still wearing my bracelet. Now Jacob was talking to me about some game he and Seth played on the Xbox. He pushed back his chair and jumped around like a kid explaining this move, and that move, and now it was my turn to listen.

I laughed. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I did my best to follow along. Listening to him was effortless. He was animated and changed his voice to act out things. By the time he finished he was sweaty and had to take his shirt off. Jacob's face was red and so was his chest.

"Seth's already inviting you over to play the game with us." Jacob said. "You and Bella, I promised him that ya'll would stop by when we got back to school. Is that okay?"

"It's more than okay."

Jacob smirked. "Rebecca, Seth and I are about to go out to dinner. It's Mexican night, and man do I have some insane cravings for enchiladas." He rubbed his stomach.

"Save me some."

Jacob nodded. "As many as you want. Okay I gotta go, Rebecca is beeping the horn."

"Bye Jake."

Jacob glanced towards the window and then he naughtily turned around to pull down his pants and flash me his ass. "Fill your dreams with _that_."

I grinned. Jacob created the shape of a heart with his hands and then his camera went black. I moved away from my computer and flopped down on my bed. Mr. Black was there, so I took the teddy bear Jacob gave me and I held it tightly in my arms. Jacob's scent was on the bear so it felt in a way like he was here, on my bed with me.

A series of images raced through my mind.

Red and white candles. The ocean turf. Freesia and lilies. Unspoken declarations of love between children and adults. I saw Esme and Carlisle dancing. The world belonged to them, and all the stars in the sky. And then I saw Aislynn. She was running through a field of lush green grass, and explosions of gold sprouted from the earth in the form of a million buttercups. The sky was a dreamy blue, and all clouds were absent from the sky.

Giggles filled my ears. A crown of multicolored flowers was tangled in her brown hair. Her scarf was gone. Dean chased after her. The summer light bounced off of his black curls. Once he reached Aislynn they stood in place. Shy smiles were stretched across both their faces. Innocent love. Sweet childhood memories. Light bounced off of the shadows of their faces, as they each brought an index finger forward, and their fingers met.

I opened my eyes. And I folded my arms behind my head. I had no idea what would become of Aislynn, but I understood why she thought _love_ kept her going. Pain was hard to deal with alone, but together, in the presence of someone great, who made the sun rise with a single smile, every single war was worth fighting. Jacob made me realize that. And I hoped that some way, somehow, even if the chances were slim, Aislynn managed to win her war.

**Review**!!


	18. Vulnerable

**AN**: Thank you for the reviews last chapter guys! This chapter was definitely an emotional one to write. This is a very Jacob centric chapter and it touches a lot on his life, his past before meeting Edward, and his past does include Leah...and the first day he met Edward. One thing I've really enjoyed about your feedback is hearing your take on Jacob. He's one of those characters you love sometimes, and think what the hell was he thinking! Bad Jacob. But I think this chapter will really give some insight to him...and his feelings for both Leah and Edward. **du1387**- The Cullen's are still moving to Maryland. But in the summer, after Edward and Alice finish their freshman year. **Everyone**, thanks again for supporting me and this story, each one of your comments are appreciated and I am forever thankful that ya'll take time out of your schedules to read this. Well I have to make this short because I'm already late for work! LOL. But Edward and Jake should be back together next chapter...the hiatus wasn't so bad was it? I at least hope not. Take care. –Love, Maddie

**Disclaime****r**: I own nothing. "Everything" belongs to Lifehouse

Chapter 18- Vulnerable

--Jacob--

_Shadows fell across Billy Black's face. Deep lines creased his forehead, and his eyes were black with the sorrow of a fading day. Sunlight crept through the trees bouncing off the pond, and showering the rainbow confection of flowers that swayed in the balmy breeze. For the last two hours he sat unmoving, eyes trained and focused, lips tightly drawn. He didn't want to be here, he'd rather stay inside and drink himself to death._

_ I sat in the grass beside his wheelchair. Blades of grass tickled my legs, and bees darted from flower to flower. The sky was blue and tranquil. Up above a flock of white birds soared and careened through the early October Sky. A book was open in my lap. I glanced at my dad to see if he had registered anything I had just read. The blankness on his face told me he didn't. Sadness pulled at my heart but I did my best to ignore it._

_ This was senior year. I had a lot riding on this. I needed an athletic scholarship, and I also needed not to flunk out of school. Freshman, sophomore, and junior year had passed by in a blur. I wasn't a serious student. School bored me. Which was why I was out here in a field, reading to my dad, because this was what we used to do. I would read, he would listen, I would quiz him, and then he would quiz me. That often tended to be a great studying mechanism, but it hadn't worked since the accident._

_ The fading daylight pierced through my line of vision. I blinked and looked away from Billy's hard expression. Sometimes I wanted to place my hands on his face and ask him if he saw me? I was there with him, always. In the mornings I ate breakfast right beside him. After football practice I would find him in the same place, barely breathing, barely moving, just staring, a far cry away from the man that used to be my hero._

_ I wanted to cry now more than anything. I just wanted to lock myself in my room and go at it for hours. Cry...or slam my fists into a wall. Hurt something. Hurt myself. Cry. Kick. Scream. My mom was dead and I had forced that to the back of my mind. It was what I did. While everyone else fell apart I locked my emotions away in the blackness, and tried not to feel anything. I ignored the sharp claws scratching at my soul, and poured everything I had into fixing someone else._

_ Doing that kept me moving. I could hold my head up high and pretend that I wasn't so scarred inside by holding so much inside. But it was hard to keep up this front. Rebecca had run away a month after my mom's funeral. She claimed that she brought a ticket to Peru a while ago, so she couldn't afford to waste money. So it was just Rachel and me. _

_ I resented Rebecca a little for leaving us here. She was supposed to be the strongest one out of all the Black kids, but with her gone, Rachel losing weight, and my dad literally vanishing before my eyes. I knew I had to step up to be the man. _

_ My heart was in my throat as I tucked away the book in my bag. "Ready to go?" I asked him. I didn't expect a response, and I didn't get one either._

_ ***_

_ Swirls of darkened magenta, purple, and fiery red crossed the Maryland sky. The warmness from the day was gradually slipping away, and a cooler breeze was coming in. My window was open and I sat at my desk studiously trying to finish my homework. I was throwing myself into school and football, because the only idle time I wanted was when I went to sleep. There was a knock at my window. I craned my head to the left to see Leah, just as she hopped inside. _

_ "Hey?" I said sitting up a little._

_ "Hey," she looked upset._

_ "Are you okay?"_

_ "Yeah, I'm fine." She spoke quickly. Leah took a seat on the edge of my bed, "Are you actually doing homework? Oh mi god, I need a crucifix and some holy water, because you've been possessed by demons."_

_ I managed the slightest blink and you miss it smile. "I guess I realized that I wanna get out of this small town and make something of myself."_

_ "Ellicott City isn't that small." Leah pointed out. "And Baltimore is only a hop, skip, and jump away."_

_ I rolled my eyes. "You sound so patronizing."_

_ "Not patronizing, just relishing in the fact that we're talking." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "You've been like a Rockstar these days, moving in crowds, surrounded by groupies, unattainable and so fake."_

_ My eyebrows drew together. "What do you mean by that?"_

_ Leah crossed her legs and folded her arms behind her. "I see how you act with your football buddies, they don't know you, so it's easy to get away with hiding yourself." She spoke without looking at me. "You've been ignoring the people that care about you most, even black hearted Paul is worried. He made me talk to you. Stage an intervention."_

_ My jaw grew terse. "I'm fine."_

_ "You're full of shit."_

_ "Do I have to tap dance and sing fucking Frank Sinatra? I'm fine."_

_ "Don't cuss at me." Leah snipped. She stood up. _

_ I swallowed and looked away regretfully._

_ "Don't you think this act gets a little old? You shut down, internalize everything lie, fake and flaunt smiles and..."_

_ "Leah I don't feel like dealing with you right now." My cheeks warmed and I felt the stinging threat of anger creep up my spine. "You don't have the right to come in my room and try to accuse me of being fake."_

_ "Well..." Leah crossed her arms over her shoulder. "I'll stay here. I'm not going to move until you open up to me. You can throw the most legendary of Jacob Black tantrums, get it all out of you system because I'm not leaving until you talk to me." _

_ I balled my fists. The defiant look in her eyes told me that there was nothing I could do or say that would make her leave. I could lash out and hurt her. But Leah wasn't Rachel, she was like Paul in the since, that my lashing out only justified the cause. I felt heavy. I felt weak, and so tired. All I wanted was some peace to regroup. _

_ "It's not fair Jacob. When my dad passed away you were there for me. I found him dead in his bed and no one could make me let go of him but you. I was crying, and I was a mess. I was scared and lonely and the world was a dark place, but you helped me get through it. So why can't you let me do the same for you. I won't let you push me aside, just so you could suffer alone. Don't be so selfish."_

_ "I. Am. Not. Suffering." I drew out each word slowly. It was a damning lie. Because I was suffering like hell. This house was quite all the time. Rachel walked around lost offering few smiles, she tried to keep it together for me, but I saw her crying often enough, for her to drop that façade. And my dad with his blank stares, and silence tore me down bit by bit. I was in the Twilight zone, an alternate reality that didn't fit the mold that used to be my life a year ago._

_ Leah took my hand in hers. I looked at her. I felt emotions that I didn't want to tap into creep up slowly. She brought my hands up to her mouth and she brushed her lips across my bruised knuckles. Leah's dark eyes registered the scars. "What did you do?"_

_ I looked away._

_ She drew in a deep breath. Leah dropped my hands and cupped my chin in hers. _

_ "I was at the gym." I stepped back away from her. "I was working out with the punching bag and then I thought the wall might be a better outlet...I needed something harder to hit."_

_ "Next time you hit a wall you might just break something." Leah's eyes were hard and unforgiving. "Your dad will bounce back, he's Billy Black, c'mon." She touched her cool hand to my cheek. "We just have to have faith in him. We can't give up."_

_ "We, he's my problem not yours." I stated in a surly tone._

_ "Come," Leah took my hand in hers._

_ "Where are we going...I have homework to finish."_

_ "Fuck the homework." Leah said rolling her eyes. She dragged me through the house, down the stairs, and outside into the night. I half expected Paul, Seth, Embry, and Quil to be waiting for me, but they weren't. "You can't give up on your dad...and you know why?"_

_ I remained silent._

_ "You can't give up on him, because where would you be if the people you love gave up on you." Leah took me through the starry night towards a playground that we used to play at when we were younger. She lowered herself into a swing and tilted her head up towards the sky. "Remember when we used to talk for hours out here?" Leah asked. "This swingset is sacred ground." She smiled softly and jingled the chain holding the seat next to her._

_ "I'd rather stand."_

_ "Sure, but that's at your own discretion. I could always wrestle you into the seat." Leah tilted her head to the side. "A few broken bones and bruises, might just compliment that damaged heart you try so hard to conceal."_

_ I snorted. "I hate you sometimes."_

_ "And loving you isn't easy either." _

_ Hesitantly I took a seat beside her. I placed my hands over my legs and stared straight ahead lost. After a few minutes I feared that my eyes had taken on the same lifeless sheen as my fathers, so I stopped staring. I cleared my throat and took in a deep breath. I decided that I was going to do my best to convince her that I was okay so she could leave me alone._

_ I didn't want Leah to worry about me, because I would be okay in the end. What were a few scars, and bruises. At least they weren't tears. I kicked my legs from underneath me and started to swing. I wasn't into it, but at least Leah couldn't focus on me as easily with the wind rushing past._

_ "I can't believe this is our last year." I said._

_ Leah scowled. "Yeah, after this year we're going to have to grow up." She hopped off of her swing and started to walk around the set. "Why is it so difficult for you to face anything? Especially in front of me? Your mom hasn't even been in the ground for half a year yet, but you still walk around here like it's okay. I'm trying to be cool with you Jake, skip around the truth, but it's annoying. And STOP swinging."_

_ Just to despite her I kept on swinging, and then finally after her eyes bore a hole into me. I stopped. _

_ "Your mom was everything you. She was like a second mom to me. And Jake you saw her die!" Leah cried. "You were there in the car, her blood was all over you...you're the only one that walked away from that car accident perfectly fine so don't tell me that you're okay, because I swear to God if you do I'll hurt you!" Tears were streaming down her cheek now._

_ I felt my lungs close up. I couldn't breathe. The air that finally pushed its way through did little to pacify me. The blackness outside swirled around me, making me feel dizzy and unbalanced. My heart beat furiously and pain choked my throat. The oncoming wave of sadness was too strong to bite down. As soon as I stopped swinging I tried to get up and run away from Leah before she saw me cry, but she was so fucking wicked. She grabbed me tightly around my chest, my stomach heaved with dry sobs, I was gasping for air, and falling apart in her arms._

_ Just let me go. Just FUCKING let me go. I tried to wiggle out of her arms. I think I even tried to push her away, but she held onto me like we were drowning, and she was my personal lifeguard. I fell to the grass still struggling to get away from her, but at this point, my best efforts were futile. Leah wrapped her arms securely around my shoulders and held me to her. I wasn't sure how long we were on the ground, but eventually she pulled me to my feet._

_ I was crying and past the point of caring. Everything inside of me was spilling out like water. And I couldn't try to hide anymore that I was affected by my mom's death, I did see everything. I dreamt about it every night since she died. I heard her scream, I heard my dad tell her to slam on the breaks, and the sound of crushing metal, the violent twisting song of death, and then the red blood all over my face and shirt._

_ I could barely walk or see as Leah dragged me. We were stepping back inside. No. I didn't want Rachel to see me like this. No. I tried once again to get away from Leah, but she had the grip of a hawk. I pushed her away from me, and that only resulted in slamming her into the screen door. A new wave of emotion, regret and anguish, for hurting her in the smallest way tore seized me._

_ I couldn't stop crying. I had people to protect. I needed to be strong. I was supposed to be strong...Rachel rushed into the room. Her eyes were wide._

_ "Leah, what happened! Jake what's wrong."_

_ Leah held me protectively to her, shielding my face with her hands. She kissed my forehead. "It's my fault. I made him talk to me about your mom."_

_ "You shouldn't have done that Leah."_

_ "Well I'm not going to ignore the fact that he's hurting himself just because he wants to masochistically hold everything inside." Leah dragged me deeper into the house. "Rachel where is Billy?"_

_ "Leah what the hell are you doing?" Rachel stalked after us. "You're going to have to leave. Let go of Jake."_

_ I didn't like hearing them talk about me like this, like I was some child unable to take care of myself. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. A door was thrown open. The lights from the hallway spilled into the dark room._

_ Billy was in his wheelchair facing the window. The room was clouded in a foul stench that stunk of whiskey, tonic, and dirty laundry. The room was unrecognizable. Pictures were strewn on the floor, clothes were everywhere, and a sleeping bag was thrown up against the foot of the bed. _

_ I scanned the room. My shoulders and legs were still shaking. I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth and say anything, because I felt ashamed and weak. Leah's arms were still around me. I noticed that she had a small cut, seeping with blood. She must've scraped her arm when I tried to push her away._

_ Regret welled deep inside me. I did that to her. I made her bleed._

_ "I'm sorry to bust in on you like this Mr. Black," Leah apologized. "But it's necessary. I know that the loss of your wife is hard on you in ways that I'll never be able to understand..."_

_ Rachel wrapped her hands around Leah's wrist. "Leah Clearwater that's enough."_

_ "No," Leah yanked her arm free. "Mr. Black you're not the only one that's lost someone, it hurts like hell, but you have to remember the people in your family that are still living. Your wife wouldn't want you to shut down like this, and ignore the fact that since you've shut down, your three kids feel like they've lost both their parents. Rachel's losing weight..."_

_ "Leah." Rachel hissed._

_ "Fine," Leah snipped. "You can take care of yourself." She said to Rachel. "But Billy, your son, your seventeen year old son, who was in the car with you, has been running around trying to swallow his tears, and bring you back to life. You're his father, he needs you, he is a mess without you."_

_ I stared down at the floor trembling. _

_ "If you can't pull yourself together for your kids, then at least do it for Sarah." Leah said. She gave my hand one last squeeze before backing away. I glanced over my shoulder watching as Leah walked towards the stairs. She was crying._

***

I was lying down on my bed mindlessly tossing a ball into the air.

The day was almost over, and I had spent most of it in here. Seth and Paul had called a few times, they were going to see some movie, and they wanted me to come. Edward had also called, but I hadn't talked to him either. I just needed some space to work through everything swirling around in my head. Being home reminded me that there were certain truths I just couldn't run away from. I had a new life in College Park. I had a boyfriend, a rack of secrets, and the security of being able to hide away whenever the world came crashing down.

Over the last few months I had built a relationship with Edward that I couldn't compare to anything else in my life. He was almost too good to be true. When I talked he listened, and even though I had given him every reason to judge me, he never did. I closed my eyes and drifted back to the first moment I laid eyes on him.

I saw him. Beautiful and kind-hearted, with his tawny hair, which was naturally blonder in the summer, and a lighter brown in the winter. His captivating green eyes, which sparkled with the intensity of an emerald, plucked straight from the earth. And his smile, which made this insane world slow, and my feet touch the ground and feel connected to something.

Loving Edward made so much since. But yet being here, surrounded by family, the people who knew me all my life made me wonder what the hell I was doing? I fingered Edward's bracelet around my wrist. I saw Rachel eye it in the kitchen when I was helping her cook dinner.

"That's a nice bracelet. Did Leah give it to you?" she had asked.

I pretended _not_ to hear her.

How much longer could I lie about this? I folded my arms behind my head and considered my options. I only had two really. I could tell the truth, or I could break off my relationship with Edward. Just the mere thought of letting Edward go sent pains to my heart. That wasn't the option I wanted to choose. I knew I couldn't bring myself to do that.

I drew in a deep breath and rolled over on my side. There was a knock on my window. I peeled open an eyelid, and I was surprised to see Leah. She pointed down to the latch. It was funny that we had a front door, but she always choose to climb up a tree. I swung my legs over the side of my bed and my bare feet padded across the carpet. I opened the window for Leah and a cool gust of air wafted in with her.

I didn't want to hurt her. Leah was part of me, I loved her more than I loved myself, but sadly, I didn't love her more than Edward. I couldn't say which one I loved more, they were on equal ground. I felt sick and stupid.

How dare I allow this girl, this beautiful girl, who stood by me in the darkest times, fought for me, when even I couldn't fight for myself, love such a coward. I didn't deserve her. Her dark hair fell in her eyes, and a smile teased her pink glossed lips, she looked happy. I swallowed down the lump in my throat as she touched my arm.

"Hey you."

"Hey," I said waving at her.

Leah pulled down the window and rubbed her hands together. "It's _freezing_ out there."

"Yeah it is." I slung my arm behind my head as I backed away. Blood pounded against my ears, my thoughts were spinning in circles, and I knew that something inevitable was on the horizon. I was suddenly scared. I hadn't been this afraid since my dad started heavily drinking. I knew I was going to lose him...every bottle he downed by himself was another foot underground for his coffin. And now, as I looked into Leah's pretty eyes, masked with smoky eye shadow and glitter, I knew that I was going to _lose_ her too.

"Am I interrupting something?" Leah asked tugging her hair behind her ear.

"No, nothing." I said simply. I turned my back to her and walked deeper into the room. The air buzzed between us. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that it bled. I wanted to tell Leah that she looked pretty, say something nice, so she could know that I still cared, but that would only dig _my_ grave deeper.

"So uh...why are you treating me like Carrot Top standing in the corner?" Leah managed a small laugh. "Jacob you can at least _look_ at me."

I couldn't.

I heard the mattress give way.

"Did you just want to be alone?" she asked.

"Not really." I said quietly.

"Well lucky for you I made a New Year's resolution to stop being so nosy. If you want to talk to me, my front door is always open, but I won't pound you on the head to talk anymore."

I nodded slowly, "Deep down I always appreciated when you did that. Made me talk to you."

"Jake,"

"Yeah?"

"I owe you an apology."

"Why would you owe _me_ an apology?" I said softly.

"Because of the things I've done in the past. You mean everything to me, and I've always tried to be there for you, but you push people away, and I push back, and I've hurt you a lot." Leah's face was red. "I meant every word of that apology, but don't expect me to grovel, because I'm no good at that."

Now would've been the moment when we shared an honest laugh. I would've apologized for the things I've done as well. Treating her coldly, ignoring her, pretending as if she didn't matter to me. But I couldn't bring myself to follow the typical pattern. "Were you about to go out?" I asked after clearing my throat.

My words, although they weren't hurtful seemed to sting her. Leah flinched, but she recovered quickly. "No, I was just stopping by to see you."

My eyebrows knitted together. "You don't usually wear makeup..."

"You don't like it?"

"No I wasn't saying that..."

"Good, because I like it." Leah shrugged and then looked away from me. For a few seconds we were drowned in silence. She was sitting on my bed looking unusually like a little girl, a little girl playing with make-up, and I was a statue. How did we get here? I moved my mouth to the side as I swallowed once again with difficulty.

I wanted to run. I wanted to run far away from here but how could I do that. I squeezed my eyes shut and took in another breath that traveled down my lungs like tiny pins. This was going to hurt and it was going to hurt a lot.

Leah licked her lips. "So,"

I brought my eyes to hers. "So what?"

Her eyes glistened with water. "What are you going to say. Something's on your mind. What is it."

My lips trembled. I caught them quickly. My eyes darted around my room. I saw football trophies, glimpses of a life that was mine, but didn't seem to belong to me anymore. Tears stung my eyes again and it dawned on me that I had crossed the threshold, this was the point of no return.

"Believe it or not. I'm a big girl. I can take a few punches. Go ahead, just lay it on me." Leah looked down for a second and then she was looking at me again. "Just be honest. Just spit it out."

I pressed my tongue against my cheek. "Leah I..."

"You don't want to be with me anymore. It's not exactly breaking news." Her lips tightened but she forced a smile that I could see right through. "I figured you would say that, honesty I did." Her composure rattled a little, but in the end she held it together. "That's okay Jake. I'm not going to chase after you and ask you to get back with me. I'm not that pathetic or desperate." Leah forced herself up.

"Leah," I whispered.

"No. _Jake_. Since we started College Park I knew that something had changed in you. We rarely hung out, you grew even more closed off to me than you already were, and you didn't even care when I talked to other guys. And believe me it's worse knowing that you stopped caring, than the actual break-up."

I shook my head and looked down. "Leah I never stopped caring about you."

"Then what the hell are we talking about?" She threw her arms up in the air, "Because I'm so confused."

"I _never_ stopped caring. I love you. I love you with everything I have. There's no switch I could just turn off to stop loving you."

Leah tilted her head towards me in confusion. "Then why are you holding back? We've been through worse things than a few months of white noise. I'm here for you...I've always been here, which is why I'm climbing through your window in this stupid fucking makeup and trying to look cute."

"You don't have to wear that." I said feebly.

"No I don't," Leah said her eyes narrowing, "But I just guess..." she rolled her eyes. "I just guess that I wanted you to look at me like you used to. Like I mattered and when I wasn't there you felt my absence. You used to look at me like that, but this semester you stopped? And I told myself I wasn't going to care, but I did. It hurt Jacob. It hurt. And it hurt a lot." Tears were streaming down Leah's cheek now.

"I'm so sorry."

"And those boys, the ones you saw me talking too I was never interested in any of them. I just wanted you to know that you weren't the only guy in the world, and I wasn't going to wait for you. But I did. I waited for you. I cried for you. Despite your inability to see it I still loved you."

"Then stop...stop loving me."

Leah's face twisted in horror. "How can you ask me that." She threw her head back and laughed. "Stop loving you!" she spat. "When I went through all that shit with my stepfather, you were there, you fixed me, and made me feel like myself again. How can you ask me that!"

"Leah please stop yelling."

"No I'm going to yell!" she cried. "I'm going to yell until you hear me. I love you, and it hurts so much, and even if you tell me you don't love me, I'll go away. But I'll hurt, and I'll cry, because you're not just some asshole I can punch on the street. You're you, and normal rules don't apply to you."

My face twisted and I wiped sadly at the tears that had pooled in my eyes. "I'm going to hurt you." I nodded slowly. Tears rushed down my cheeks. "Stop loving me..._please_."

"Is there someone else?" Leah ignored her own tears and threw a tissue box at me. It hit me squarely in the chest. "Forget the fact that there's mascara running down my cheeks, I'm only crying because you didn't have the balls to tell me this sooner. If you moved on you could've at least had the decency to tell me."

"It's not that easy Leah."

"Yeah it really is." Her face was red. "Leah I'm fucking someone else. Goodbye."

"No it's not that easy!" I yelled back at her.

Leah looked away from me. A sea of space was in between us. "Well..." she raised her chin. "At least tell me who _she_ is."

I bit my lip. I could hear the heater buzzing, Leah's shallow breaths, and the wind pushing against the window. The truth. It was going to hit her like a ton of bricks. As I looked into her eyes I considered lying. Hurting her would be like taking a knife and stabbing it into my chest...but if I lied...then I would be hurting Edward.

"I didn't expect it to happen..." I started.

Leah remained in the corner, standing like a little girl, looking small, and unmistakably vulnerable. Her facial expression was solid stone.

"Leah...I'm uh...I'm..." I started to breathe heavier. Fear prickled my skin. My thoughts flooded with memories. Edward. Love. Kissing him. Crushing my lips against his. And breathing him in like he was some highly addictive drug. My heart was tugged in his direction. I loved him. I loved him with every ounce of my being. So much that I would hurt Leah. I would break her down some more when she had done nothing but love me. Love me in the place of my carelessness.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I loaded the gun. My hands were shaking. Violent tremors traveled through my body. I didn't want to do this. The room blacked away and everything went dark and still. Fear. Pain. Anxiety. The taste of betrayal was on my tongue. The gun clicked into place.

Love is suicide...at least this love was.

"I'm in love with Edward." I spat out.

I saw her mouth drop open.

My eyes widened and I suddenly clamped my mouth shut as if I had just released this great monster into the world. She stared at me shocked. Her arms down by her sides, her eyes targeted straight on me as if she needed me to say it again for it to be real.

Leah backed away. Her hand flew to her mouth and she stared back at me like I was a hideous creature. "Wh...what?"

"I'm..." the words lodged in my throat.

"Are you saying that you're..." She made a choking sob. "Gay."

"No I'm not gay!"

"You just said you're in love with a _boy_. Edward Cullen is a boy. That's _gay_." Leah held up her hand warding me off. "Just stop...don't move...just stay there...give me a second."

I was crying too as she fell apart. Her shoulders heaved and she looked so fragile. I extended my arms wanting to hold her but she roughly pushed me away.

"Don't you dare touch me."

I sobbed. "Leah please."

"How could you lie to me." She shivered. "How could you use me. How is that okay!"

"I never used you. I never..."

Leah shook her head and went to the window. Her hair flowing wildly behind her.

I masochistically reached out for her hand not wanting to end things like this. I needed her to listen to me, I needed her to know, that this was me. Loving Edward had nothing to do with her. And I didn't use her. I would trade my life for hers gladly. When my hands traced her wrist she flew around and smacked me like lightning coursing with electricity.

"Don't you ever touch me again. Don't ever."

I grabbed her again.

Leah struggled, beating her fists against my chest. "I hate you! How could you use me like that. I hate you Jacob Black. I fucking hate you." She hit me a few times in the face, and I just took it because I deserved it. Finally my knees buckled and she threw her hands against my chest, throwing me to the floor.

Leah placed her hands to her face and cried as she stood over me. "If you wanted to kill me...then that's all you had to do. How could you lie to me. And make me believe that you loved me, and even worse how could you let me fall in love with you. You're disgusting and I hate you. Stay away from me Jake. Don't call me..." Her lips quivered. "Don't write to me, or show up at my house, because I don't want anything to do with you. Nothing. Just stay the hell away from me." With tears still brimming in her eyes, she opened the window.

Leah climbed down the tree.

I stood feeling numb and devastated. Everything inside of me hurt. Everything. I watched as she climbed downwards, and then hopped onto the ground. Leah took off running. Her arms pumping, past the swing set, past Paul's house, and deeper into the glittering blackness, that was far beyond the span of my heart.

I balled my fist. The world turned upside down and I crumpled onto the ground like a little boy, head in my lap, crying my worthless eyes out.

***

**August 28, 2009**

_Students swirled in and out of Cambridge Hall. The air was muggy and thick. I swerved past people. I couldn't wait for a fresh start. Rachel trailed behind me, I was desperately trying to lose her, both her and Brent. I heard her ask me to wait. I walked faster, weaving in and out of the crowds. Finally she caught up and yelled my name loudly like I was a child. I whirled around angrily. I told her than I could move in on my own, but she insisted on coming. I planned on distancing myself from her while I was here. If Rachel was stupid enough to get engaged to a guy who didn't care about her, then that was on her._

_ I couldn't say or do anymore than I already had. She could choose him over me. What did it matter that Brent talked down to me like I was the scourge of the earth. Rachel had love, so fuck her little brother, fuck her family, hell...fuck the world. The tips of my ears ignited in red-hot flames. I wickedly wanted to lash out and make Rachel see just how much she hurt me, but I couldn't._

_ I told her to go home and as soon as I started to move again I bumped into this guy. He apologized for bumping into me, even though I knew I bumped into him. Yes. A distraction. I scooped up his belongings. A bunch of his books spilled onto the lawn. My eyes wandered over supposed great authors that I never read...because English class in high school was used for sleeping._

_ His hands brushed mine and his cheeks instantly flushed scarlet. I took his box in my arms and told him to take me to his room. He tried to tell me that I didn't have to do that...but I crossed the lawn. He followed behind me. We went up the elevator and finally he stepped in front of me and led me to his room._

_ I arched an eyebrow and stared back at him speechlessly. "Err." Two names were on the door, written in Sharpie marker on blue fish shapes and taped to the door. "Edward Cullen?"_

_ His inquisitive green eyes looked me over. "Yeah, thanks again for carrying my box." His cheeks were still red. "You didn't have to."_

_ "Maybe I did." I laughed easily. "Jacob Black, that's me."_

_ "Oh," Edward laughed as well._

_ "Just the slightest coincidence huh?" I patted him on the back and stepped into our room. The walls were white and empty, the window showcased a view of trees and the lights of Comcast Center, where the gym was. I crossed the room feeling a renewed excitement for the year ahead. _

_ "Do you need help with your stuff?" Edward asked me._

_ I noticed that he had a little twang in his voice. "Where are you from?"_

_ He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off._

_ "Texas?"_

_ "No," Edward laughed._

_ "Oklahoma ya'll."_

_ Edward laughed again. "Oklahoma isn't a southern state."_

_ "I totally knew that." I said pointing at him. I grinned a little, because I forgot that Oklahoma was in the Midwest. Who lived in Oklahoma anyways? So no need for me to understand where it was located on the map. I noticed that his green eyes were still fixed on me, they were flecked with gold, and his eyes were very pretty. Almost like this girl I knew in middle school that I had a crush on. "Louisiana?" I was grasping at straws now._

_ "Peaches." He offered a clue._

_ "Florida!" I was just being funny now._

_ "No," Edward giggled. "Oranges are grown in Florida."_

_ "Georgia." I said after the laughter died. A smile still lingered on my lips. "What brought you all the way up here?"_

_ Edward shrugged. "I wanted a change. Switch things up a bit."_

_ "Live on the edge?" I tacked on._

_ "Yeah," Edward rubbed behind his head. "I want to be a real daredevil." He made a face and waved his hands. "Kidding," Edward stood in the middle of the room. "Which side do you want?"_

_ "Doesn't really matter. I probably won't be here that often anyways." I said. _

_ He nodded slowly and then folded his arms behind his head._

_ The next few hours passed by in a haze of dealing with Rachel, briefly meeting Edward's parents, and setting up my side of the room. I noticed that Edward had few things with him. What was his deal? He had this deeply serious quality about him, but yet when I talked to him I picked up on a certain shyness. I couldn't really place what kind of guy he was. But he did seem nice. _

_ Now that everything was set up I flopped down on my bed. I considered humping the pillows, just because that was something I would do, an icebreaker. But Edward seemed like a nice southern boy, he probably wasn't corrupted like me. _

_ Someone rapped loudly on the door._

_ I jumped up to get it._

_ "Party on fraternity row!" A guy announced. He quickly ran off leaving a flyer in my hands. I looked down at the dark blue paper. It advertised kegs...jungle juice, shots, women. I doubted this flyer was legit, but I knew for sure that there would be parties galore on move-in day. I closed the door behind me._

_ "Yo Edward have you ever been to a party before?"_

_ Edward scowled. "I've been to parties...but not fraternity parties. No thanks."_

_ "So dismissive?" I walked over to him. "This is college you have to try everything."_

_ "I don't. But if you do, then knock yourself out." _

_ I placed the flyer on his desk._

_ "Women and booze."_

_ Edward made a grunting noise that sounded dismissive. "Still not for me." He picked up the flyer and placed it in my outstretched hands._

_ "Well will you at least grab dinner with me. I make friends pretty easily, but since this is the first day, you're the only person I know."_

_ "Lucky you," The kindness in his tone had shifted and he sounded slightly irritated now. _

_ I clenched my jaw. I was doing something wrong? He wasn't a party boy okay. I didn't want my roommate to hate me, just because I liked to party and have fun. That wasn't all I was about. I considered taking a different approach. I racked my brains for something we had in common. Books. No I hated them. Um...my eyes wandered over his desk. _

_ I saw a box of chocolate bars on his desk? Sweet tooth much._

_ "So you like chocolate." Shit that was a fucking smooth transition._

_ Edward cast his eyes towards the box with the blue lid. The tips of his ears reddened and I saw that shy smile again. "Yeah,"_

_ "That's a lot of chocolate."_

_ "I'm kind of addicted to it." He smiled crookedly. Edward glanced at me quickly and then looked away. "Did you want a bar?"_

_ "Uh sure...or half one. I shouldn't be eating sweets 'cause I have to stay in shape for football season." I watched as Edward pulled a bar out of the box and broke it in half. He handed it to me. "Why so much chocolate?"_

_ Edward wrapped his half of the bar back up. "This is going to sound strange, but chocolate makes me uh...it puts me in a better mood, and when I'm stressed it takes of some of the edge." His cheeks were completely flushed now. "Now you must think I'm some kind of weirdo."_

_ "Nah," I nibbled on the chocolate. I broke off a piece. "Palm,"_

_ "Huh?"_

_ I stretched out my hand, opened my fist, instructing him to follow suit._

_ Edward eyed me curiously but he opened his palm, like a lotus flower blossoming. I placed a small piece of chocolate in his hand. "Do I make you nervous?"_

_ "Nervous? No, you don't."_

_ "Then why is your face so red."_

_ "Because it's hot in here." Edward groped around for the AC controls. He turned on the air. _

_ I grinned as I watched him. "Come to the diner with me. I don't like eating alone."_

_ ***_

_ Edward took a bite of his pizza._

_ "The grease is just glistening off that." I commented. My eyes wandered around the bustling diner. This great feeling washed over me like a spring breeze. This was good. Life was good. I was in college. I was a freshman, and by chance, or luck...whatever the case I was the quarterback for the Terps. I was going to make the most of this year. I was going to live, breathe, start all over, and let go of everything._

_ The University of Maryland was going to be my mecca of change. I rolled my eyes and smirked in amusement at myself. A crowd of girls were flocking around us. I saw them flapping their wings and squawking like crows. They were whispering and giggling, all eyes were trained on Edward._

_ I looked at him. He was completely oblivious to his fan club._

_ "Looks like you already have a following." I pointed out._

_ "Huh?"_

_ "The ladies." I pointed unabashedly towards the table of girls. "They want you. Why don't you go over there and say hi?"_

_ Edward smiled softly. "I'm not into that."_

_ "Ladies?"_

_ He paused. "No...I mean, I'm not into girls like that."_

_ "So you like good girls."_

_ "I like you. How about that?" Edward said._

_ My mouth hung open in a surprised 'O'_

_ "You seem like you'll be a pretty cool roommate." Edward added. _

_ I smiled. I really appreciated that. From the corner of my eye I watched as Leah Clearwater walked over to me. She was wearing make-up, and her hair, which she usually wore in a sloppy ponytail, hung in silky dark tresses down her back. Yellow heart shaped earrings hung from her ears, dancing with every turn of her head. _

_ Leah slid into my lap and planted a soft kiss on my lips. "Why are those sluts looking at you?"_

_ "They're not looking at me." I said placing my hand around her waist. "They're looking at him." I tilted my head towards Edward. His head was turned and he was gazing outside as if he was bored. "He's cute ain't he?"_

_ Leah rolled her eyes but she was still smiling. "Not cuter than you."_

_ "So what's up with all the PDA and the makeup?"_

_ "I'm a girl...remember, sometimes I feel like wearing pretty things." She kissed my nose, "And sometimes I would like compliments on my pretty things, and not questions." Leah flicked her tongue across my lips. "Does he have a girlfriend?"_

_ "Don't think so."_

_ "Hmm," Leah mused. She extended her hand towards Edward. "Leah Clearwater."_

_ He changed right in front of my eyes. All hints of shyness were gone again. He offered a small smile, distant, and his eyes, those spectacular green eyes, were uninterested, but still somehow polite. "Edward Cullen."_

_ "What are we doing tonight?" Leah asked me._

_ "We are doing nothing."_

_ She scowled. "What?"_

_ "It's my first night in college. I want to experience a little."_

_ "Experience what? Drinking, sluts, STDS?"_

_ "Don't get an attitude with me Clearwater."_

_ "I thought I told you that you were banned from parties. You don't need to be around booze with your history." Leah cast a quick glance at Edward, and so did I. He got up without even saying goodbye and left. I looked after him. Leah touched my face. "Jay,"_

_ "I can handle a party or two. I hate when you try to tell me what I can, and can't do. Fuck off."_

_ Leah's eyes hardened. She immediately crawled off of my lap. "Fuck off huh? Fine then go to the party, and you know while you're at it...why don't you just drink yourself to death like your father. I'll turn a blind eye because that's what you want isn't it?"_

_ I glared after her. My heart sinking. Fine then Leah. I will go to the party. But I'll prove you wrong. I won't drink. Because I'm not my dad. I'm not him...or at least the pathetic man he became._

_ ***_

_ After taking a hot shower I walked through the doors. Droplets of water clung to my skin, and I could still feel the heat radiating around me. I went to push my room door open, but then I heard Edward singing. I paused and I listened. He was singing a Goo Goo Dolls song. He was singing 'Name'. A smile crossed my lips. He sounded really good. I turned the knob and stepped inside. Edward was turned away from me. His Ipod earphones were in and he was folding clothes and putting them in his dresser._

_ If I tried to sing like that then I knew I would sound horrible. Acapella and me, ha no way. But his voice was like honey, easy and sweet. Rich and soulful. Listening to him sing put me in a good mood that I couldn't really explain. He did some movement with his hands like he was playing the guitar. I laughed aloud, the euphoria rolling in my gut._

_ Edward turned around shocked._

_ "Looks like I need to get you on American Idol."_

_ Edward pulled out both his earphones._

_ "Hey, no need to stop. You sound good." I reached for my AXE deodorant and sprayed it across my chest. I watched Edward without realizing I was watching him. There was something about this kid...what was it. He was mysterious but yet simple. I was sure girls went crazy over him so why was he still single. Maybe he was gay? My eyes wandered down the length of him. No, he couldn't be gay. _

_ I pulled down my towel, and slipped on some boxers. I changed into a black polo and khaki shorts. I sprayed on some cologne. "So what are you wearing?"_

_ "Wearing to what?"_

_ I sat down on the edge of my bed. "To Club Maryland?"_

_ "Frat Party. No."_

_ I arched an eyebrow. "What are you scared of?"_

_ "I'm not scared of anything. I just have no desire to be around people drinking jungle juice from a trashcan."_

_ "So you don't like to party?" I teased._

_ "No I just..." Edward scowled. "I don't have the desire to go."_

_ I narrowed my eyes at him._

_ "What's that look for."_

_ "You can't knock it until you tried it. College. Everything is up for grabs. Come on Georgia. This could be the one and only college party you go to in your life. Besides I promised my girlfriend that I wouldn't drink tonight, could you keep me sober."_

_ "The simple solution is not to go."_

_ "And I'm assuming you have a whole semester to be my moral compass." I laughed. "But c'mon sin just once...just one party." I held out my hand. "I don't give up easily." I wiggled my fingers. "Walk on the wild side with me baby."_

_ Edward scoffed and then he smiled handsomely. "Do you make a habit of calling all strangers baby?"_

_ "Only the pretty ones. Take my hand."_

_ Edward stared into my eyes. That slight smile remained. Shy again, but yet, curious now. Edward took my hand. I pulled him up. _

_ "Yeah," I clapped my hands together excited for a night out with him. I went to my closet and pulled out a hunter green polo. "Try that out." It matched his eyes. _

_ Edward looked down at the polo curiously and then he slid it on over his black shirt._

_ "Brilliant," I said._

_ Edward shoved his hands in his jeans. "I'll go. But I'm not staying all night, and I don't want to try the jungle juice."_

_ He was so uptight, but it didn't bother me. Strangely. _

_ "Time to corrupt your soul." I joked opening the door and switching off the light._

_ ***_

_ Reggae music blasted from the house on fraternity row. People teamed around the entrance, some were making out on the lawn, while others were talking loudly with friends. I watched as two guys standing at the door let people in. They were marking hands. I never understood why they even bothered to restrict minors at these parties, beer was everywhere, it would be easy to get served. I clenched my jaw quickly dismissing the thought. Not that I would be drinking anyways. I stole a glance at my roommate. Edward looked so bored as if the scene was mundane to him._

_ I wondered what he was interested in? Couldn't just be books._

_ We were next up now, the frat guys were looking back at us, marker in hand._

_ "Freshies?" He asked._

_ "No," I lied. It slipped out a little too easily. _

_ I saw Edward look at me._

_ "How old?" _

_ "21," I said. I silently cursed myself. I considered taking the marker from the guy and X-ing my own hand. I wasn't going to drink tonight. I was in control. Fine, I lied. With or without the barrier X I still wasn't going to drink. _

_ "17," Edward said for himself. He held out his hand and underneath the silvery moonlight an X was traced on his skin. Together we stepped inside the frat house. The lights were dimmed. Drinks were flowing, people were dancing, and the dizzying smell of weed lingered in the air. _

_ The music pulsed through me. Sucking me in. I saw two girls eyeing us in the corner. Once I made eye contact with the blonde she pulled herself up, and latched onto her friend's hand. They danced over to us, red cups in the air, tits hanging everywhere but in their shirts. I smiled invitingly, even though I had no plans of fucking anyone but Leah tonight...that was if she wanted to fuck me._

_ She liked calling the shots. And when I pissed her off that meant no sex. _

_ "Are you guys here together?" The brunette asked with a slick smile._

_ "Yes," I said. "But I have a girlfriend and he's single." _

_ The girls still appeared to be interested until I made myself unavailable by drifting away into the crowd. I gave Edward a thumbs up. I saw a few guys on the football team so we started talking. My thoughts flashed briefly to my dad. I stood in place laughing at some guys joke, I wasn't even sure if it was funny, but I laughed anyways so attention wouldn't be placed on me. _

_ Time slipped away. Seconds dragged and pulled. I bit the inside of my cheek filling my mouth with the bitter residual taste of blood. I didn't like the direction of my thoughts. Coming to the frat party was supposed to distract me. But my plan was backfiring. In the back of my head I knew that I should find Edward now and go back to the dorm. I had to get out of this environment, because I was tempted._

_ I told myself that I wouldn't drink. One beer was fine. One. But what if one led to five, and five to more. It happened before despite the fact that I always tried to control the cravings. The desire to get so fucked up that I didn't know which way was left or right. The need to knock myself into a stupor that prevented me from feeling too much...because when I got depressed...I thought about death, accidents, blood, my family falling apart._

_ I was yelling inside my head while I smiled for the audience._

_ You should go Jake._

_ One of the guys wrapped his arm around me and quoted something from an old Dave Chappelle episode. I laughed. Where was Edward? We should go now. I felt my stomach twist and turn. Just allowing myself to think for a moment about everything was dangerous, because since my mom died I had been repressing everything. I found escape through my motorcycle, working out, football, and occasionally Leah. But I also ran away from her, because she held up a mirror and made me see what I was doing._

_ Killing myself slowly. That's what she always said. But if that was the case, then there was nothing to kill, because I had died in the car the day I lost my mom. When I heard her scream, and saw her arms go limp...I died._

_ I hadn't been the same since. I was broken irrevocably and nothing could fix me. The pain of my thoughts were unbearable. I needed a drink. Just one to take off the edge. I already wasn't in control of my life anymore, so why should I allow alcohol to control me. It could help, numb me a little, and then I could take off the rest of the edge. Somehow?_

_ I glanced over at the keg. I moved towards it, but something made me stop. No. I wanted...I needed to leave. But it was too late. The guys talking to me had started to passed out cups of beer, and they were setting up a table for beer pong. A blonde guy, I was too disoriented to remember his name, handed me a cup. _

_ I felt like they were watching. The people around me. So I downed the beer in one swallow. It was deadly poison, straight to the heart. My lips tingled. I felt it coursing through me like livewire. _

_ "Jake, I think I'm going to leave soon." Edward said._

_ I hid the cup behind my back and then I realized what I was doing. I didn't need to be ashamed. I hadn't done anything wrong yet. I was still at one drink. The night was salvageable, I cheated, but I could still come out victorious. My mind was swirling and I felt something that crept up like the stirrings of regret. I was stronger than this. I was. I wasn't. I searched for the right voice to give him. Carefree, seasoned party boy...no I didn't want him to think of me like that._

_ Why did I care what he thought? He was just my roommate. It wasn't like he was family. He was just a stranger. Inconsequential, nothing and no one to me. My cheeks burned. I suddenly wanted him to get away from me. "You know how to get back to the dorm right?" I yelled over the loud music._

_ "Yeah I know how. Are you coming with me?" He asked. _

_ I couldn't read anything behind his eyes. This guy was a mystery to me. I noticed that people were watching us...well him. If he noticed he did a good job of ignoring the attention._

_ Edward held out his hand._

_ Why was he giving me his hand? I stared back at him hard. He didn't deserve the right to treat me like a case. Just because I told him I wasn't going to drink didn't give him the right to act like my safe ride. I wasn't drunk...I wasn't going to get drunk, so therefore I didn't need this stranger to be my designated driver._

_ "I'll see you at the dorm dude." I said coolly to him._

_ He glanced at the cup in my hand, but his eyes showed no signs of judgment. Edward closed his hand. I thought of the chocolate he had given me earlier. He said chocolate made him feel better...and well beer made me feel better. I watched him walk away. My heart was doing strange things in my chest. I was a rude, arrogant asshole to him. I was pushing him away because I knew that the second I lied about my age, I had no intentions of following through with my sober pledge. _

_ The guys I was with had left. I wondered if they even said goodbye. What did it matter? There was no one to lie to anymore. I couldn't even think about it. I just needed the sweet release. Lights swirled around me making me feel like I was in a drug-induced haze. The air in the frat house was thick and made my clothes stick to my chest. I filled my cup up with beer...and after a while I lost count of how many drinks I threw back._

_ This wasn't fun anymore...it was survival._

_ I needed air. I didn't know what time it was, but the moon was still out and the stars were twinkling. My stomach twisted and turned. Uhh I felt sick. I grabbed for my stomach as I felt everything inside of me come up. I fell to my knees on the sidewalk weakly. I was so tired and all I wanted to do was sleep. _

_ ***_

_ "Jake? Jake?"_

_ I saw the most beautiful green eyes staring back at me. They were flecked with gold, and a chasm of blue swam around the pupil. I slipped in and out of a dizzying dream of walking, falling, and feeling someone's arms around me. _

_ "Just lay your head down on my shoulder."_

_ I thought I felt hands rest my head down on something hard. I smelled cologne...cologne and beer. I felt sick. Everything came up again._

_ ***_

_ Sunlight spliced through my vision. My sheets were tangled around me. I didn't recognize this place. The white walls. The...I sat up, as everything fell back into place. I was in my dorm room at the University of Maryland. Cambridge Hall. God and I couldn't even remember how I got back here? I sat up bringing my knees up to my chest. Edward's side of the room was neat and untouched as if he hadn't slept there. My eyebrows knitted over my eyes and I felt a wave of disgust._

_ I remembered just enough of last night to know that I had already outed myself as an alcoholic. I moved my mouth to the side sadly. Leah was right. I couldn't even last a day. I thought I could. But obviously...I couldn't. I rolled my eyes up towards the ceiling and fell back on my bed. _

_ I had a hell of a hangover but it was what I deserved for being so stupid. I reached for my pillow and placed it over my head. I heard the door open. Fuck me. My hands gripped the pillow tightly. I smelled coffee and food. My stomach churned desperately. The aroma made me feel like I hadn't eaten in days. I slowly pulled the pillow off of me and sat up. I felt so ugly compared to him._

_ He was good, and well I wasn't._

_ I watched as he placed down a cup of coffee on my desk and a chocolate chip muffin. I stared back at him completely puzzled. Why? I had done everything I could to make him hate me. I was sure I was in the running for the worst roommate of the year, but he brought me food. I bit my lip._

_ "You didn't have to do that." I said feebly. I wanted to hide from him. I wondered why. He was just a stranger. No. I clenched my jaw and looked down at my sheets and the shirt I was wearing...the shirt that wasn't mine. He wasn't just a stranger._

_ "Sorry I didn't want to go through your stuff." Edward apologized. He didn't look at me when he talked. "You threw up all over your shirt." _

_ I breathed in shallow breaths. "I'm sorry about yesterday."_

_ He waved his hand before I could get the apology out._

_ My lips thinned and I clasped my hands. I wouldn't mind dropping this conversation because it was hard, but I knew that I couldn't let this go. The last thing I remembered before completely blacking out was passing out and then I saw Edward's eyes looking down at me._

_ "You went back for me?" I managed. My voice sounded unsteady and weak. "Why?"_

_ Edward looked at me now. "Why not?"_

_ His words threw me off. Why not? "I'm not like that. I don't get shitfaced every night..."_

_ "I never thought you were like that." Edward said with a small smile. "It was the first day of being in a new place, you wanted to have fun, you just had a little too much."_

_ "You walked me home. I'm not exactly light."_

_ "And I'm stronger than I look." Edward added gently. "We can move past this. Talk about something else."_

_ I stared back at him completely awestruck. He was doing everything he could to dismiss what he did last night. In my books that was probably the kindest gesture anyone had ever given me. After last night I deserved to wake up on the sidewalk. My eyes remained on Edward and I realized once again that even if he was thinking horrible things about me he kept it to himself._

_ I pulled back the covers and I went over to him. I didn't usually let people take care of me, but that's what he did last night. He saw me at my worst, drunk and passed out on a sidewalk, and he took me home. That said a lot about him. He was a good person, he moved me with his kindness, and he didn't make me feel like shit for being such a damn wreck. I wanted to trust him. I felt like maybe I could._

_ When he looked at me now, his green still gave nothing away. Something inside of me triggered a smile. "Thank you again."_

_ "Let's just not make this a habit okay," He said softly. Edward looked down and he chuckled, "You right, you aren't exactly a toothpick."_

_ I laughed just because and I took a seat on the bed beside him. Edward had just made history. He saw me at my worst, and I didn't feel the need to lie anymore. I wanted to be honest, and I wanted to tell him who I was, and how I got to here. But it was too early. Not just yet. We sat on his bed for a while, our hands side by side, nearly touching but not quite._

_ I listened to him. Lost in his words. Somewhere deep down I felt like he could be the one to save me. And that fleeting thought gave me hope. _

***

I grabbed my bookbag and stuffed some snacks and drinks in there. It was already full with two days worth of clothes. I just needed to get away. I couldn't focus on anything else besides running as far away from this place as possible. I pictured Leah's face in my mind. She hadn't expected me to tell her that I was in love with Edward. I squeezed my eyes shut needing to flush the last hour away. It hurt too much to think about. I felt the cold sting of her hand against my cheek. Her words. She said I never loved her, how could she think that? After everything.

The tears were about to start _again_. The fucking tears. I was sobbing now. I needed to get out of the house before someone saw me. My shoulders heaved weakly. I was so sad and I didn't know what I could do, or where I could go to make this right. My heart was so burdened. God. I just needed a break. I wanted a second to pass where I didn't have to feel this weight on my shoulders. But I put it there.

Rachel came into the kitchen. "Jake are you...crying?"

I immediately turned away from her.

"Jacob what's wrong."

"I'll be back." I said narrowly.

"Where are you going?" Her voice was dripping with concern. I knew her facial expression would be worse. I couldn't bear to look at her.

I walked towards the backdoor. Just before I slipped out, Rachel grabbed my arm.

"I heard you and Leah arguing."

I waited for her to say something else. Cry, ask me why, maybe even tell me I was going to hell, but she didn't.

"You always run away from everything Jake,"

I pouted and looked down.

"Why don't you stay for once and work things out. Talk to me. I'm here for you."

I tried to pull my arm free, but Rachel's grip was unusually strong, and I didn't want to hurt her. "Rachel let me go. I said I'll be back in two days. And you're not here for me. You haven't been for a while. So just let me go." I pulled away from her and ran out into the night towards my motorcycle.

***

The wind whipped around me as I took route 29, to 100, to I-95 south. The night was dark and cold. I just needed to get away. I held onto that as I slipped further and further away from my home. Today was trying on so many levels. I told Leah I was in love with Edward, she told me she hated me, and I had no idea if Rachel and Brent knew the truth now as well. I just wanted to hide like a coward.

The directions to Savannah were imprinted in my memory. I remembered looking them up masochistically and thinking how far Edward would be from me. I used to think that four months wasn't enough time to fall head over hills, all or nothing, you and me against the world, _love _for someone, but I was wrong.

Alcohol was my defense. It was like medicine whenever everything got to be too much. I drunk myself into a stupor and I felt disgusting afterwards, but during the throbbing pain I was at least able to skip ahead. Leah had done everything she could to keep me sober, and she succeeded for a few months, but for some reason, it stopped being enough. My pain and angst became greater than loving her.

And then Edward took me in his arms, pushed me against the wall, and put a mirror to my face. I saw a sad boy, who only lived when he was on the football field, reigning as king for a dream that was his just as much as his father's. I saw the pain that I pushed down and ignored. I was hurting. I was hurting a hell of a lot. And without the drinking I realized that.

Edward saw _me_, and when I was with him I wasn't someone else, but I was the best version of myself. At this point though I wasn't able to get through this on my own. I had grown enough to realize that solitude ended with bruised fists and impromptu trips to the liquor store to nurse my broken heart. So I was running to him. I didn't want to think too much about it. Because I would feel crazy. But I needed him to put me back on solid ground. I needed my best friend to hear me, I needed to see him, I needed to cry to him. Only he could see me so weak and ugly. Because I knew Edward Cullen loved me unconditionally.

In the bleakness I realized _that_ was what kept me going. Him. And while I was being honest with myself it was impossible to ignore the other stinging truth. I _did_ love Edward more than Leah. And I was too ashamed to admit that. Even to him. I closed my eyes for a second not wanting to think anymore.

Once one emotion came out, the rest followed in an unorganized mess of realization and hurt. That's what happened when you shut out everyone and tried, but failed miserably at being invincible.

I crossed through Virginia. Exhaustion was starting to wash over me. I wondered if I was crazy leaving home like this and driving to Georgia on a whim because I was _that_ pathetic. I had been driving for a few hours. I pulled over to a gas station in North Carolina. For a while I stood in place with my arms crossed over my chest, looking around. I looked down, wishing that I knew how to stop feeling this way.

I didn't want to be so royally fucked up anymore. It would probably take a lot of counseling to fix this. I shielded the flickering light from my eyes, and used my other hand to pull my bookbag from my shoulders. I rifled through clothes and food for my wallet. An unsettling fear coursed through me. Where was my wallet? Did I leave it? _Fuck_.

Damn it. I was so out of it that I had packed everything but my wallet. I desperately reached in my pockets, but my search only turned up with a five-dollar bill, and a movie ticket stub. I groaned in defeat and got down on my knees. What the fuck was I going to do now?

I could call Rachel and ask her to pick me up. She would. My heart dropped but I didn't want to answer any questions. If she did hear the argument I had with Leah. She would ask me if I always knew I was gay. And I couldn't answer that. I never considered myself gay, even when I was kissing Edward, and holding him. I just considered that love, like Bella said.

_Love knows no color, shape, or title_.

I closed my backpack and I got back on my motorcycle. The engine roared to life and I sped down the single lane road dotted with small farms, wheat grass swaying in the wind, and abandoned tractors parked in a sea of crops. I pushed on, driving off of the interstate, thinking how nice it would be to just disappear for a while.

Finally the engine sputtered and with a protesting halt, my motorcycle went silent. I bit the inside of my cheek. I moved the motorcycle a little so I could hide it in a sea of towering grass. North Carolina was just as cold as Maryland. I shivered wrapping my arms tightly around me as I walked forward, lonely, and questioning my sanity.

A pond rippled just beyond a stretch of dock, and a simple shed was nestled not to far away from a house. I was trespassing, but I didn't care. I just needed a place to rest my head. I would have no choice but to call Rachel in the morning and tell her what I did. I could already hear Brent blaming me for causing Rachel to worry and cry.

_Fuck Brent_.

I stepped into the shed. Even though I hadn't been drinking I felt like I was hungover. I was in someone else's shed, with my motorcycle dead on the street, like I was homeless with no place to call my own. I needed to wake up. I really needed to get myself together because I didn't want to do this anymore.

I didn't want to be ashamed to be in my own skin.

I took a seat on the cold floor.

_I didn't want to do this anymore_.

My phone vibrated loudly in my bookbag. I took it out and stared at the number flashing on the screen. It was Edward. All day he had called me and I hadn't picked up once. I took in a deep breath and I pressed the talk button.

"Hello,"

"Jacob, I've been trying to reach you all day."

"Sorry," I apologized. "I was busy."

"Oh," There was a pause. "Are you okay?"

I was about to lie and then I remembered that he was the one person I wanted to talk to. "No I'm not."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm totally fucked up."

"No you're not." Edward defended. "Your perfect to me."

"You don't even know what I did."

There was silence again.

"I did it all for you but I'm not sure if it's enough." I swallowed. "I've pushed everyone away, because unlike you, I can't have both. If I'm with you...if we stay together, then they'll turn there backs on me."

"They...as in your family."

"Yes," I brought my knees up to my chest.

"Why does it have to be either or. People come around. They change."

"Sure they do, but I know a handful of people that won't."

"Are you home?" Edward asked softly.

"No,"

"Where are you?"

"Um...North Carolina somewhere."

"_North Carolina_. What are you doing down there?"

"I went crazy. I had to get away. I told Leah, Edward."

"Jake why did you do that." He sounded scared for me. "Jake."

"I couldn't lie to her anymore. She deserved to know the truth."

"I wish I could've been there for you..."

"You're always there for me. I just wanted you to know that I'm okay. A little crazy, reckless, and irrational...but still okay."

"Where are you in North Carolina?" He sounded urgent.

I didn't want to tell him that I was just chilling in a shed, because then even he might think I'd lost it, so I searched around. I didn't even know what town I was in. As if God heard one of my many distress calls I spotted a pile of mail sitting on a desk. I gave him the address without thinking.

"Do you know this person. This place your staying at?"

"Of course I..."

"Jake?"

"No. I just drove. I was coming to see you. I'm going back to Maryland in the morning. Don't worry about me okay. I've been in deeper shit than this." I hung up without another word. I didn't even tell him I loved him at the end. He knew that without me saying that aloud. I took one last look at the foreign place I had traveled to and closed my eyes.

Sleep came easily despite the hard floor, my restless heart, and the fear that everything would still be the same in the morning. Uncertain and dark.

***

I woke up to buzzing. I shot upwards. The sun was bright and blinding. Birds were chirping and the wind was beating against the windows. I had to get out of here. I stood on my feet and scooped up my bookbag. With the morning came reflection on the events that led me up to here. I couldn't run anymore...I tried and I ended up in a shed, trespassing, and risking arrest. My phone was still buzzing. It was probably Rachel.

_No_.

"Hello,"

It was Edward.

"What does this place look like? The one you're staying at."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Why."

"Does it have a pond, a shed...um a porch swing."

My heart jumped. _No_. With the phone still pressed tightly to my ear I stepped outside. The shed door swung behind me. A sleek Volvo was parked on the street next to where I deserted my motorcycle. No it couldn't be. He wouldn't. Why would he...

The car door opened and I saw Edward step out.

This burst of joy overtook me. On one hand I couldn't believe my eyes. I felt like I was dreaming. He was here. I was looking back at Edward after the longest night ever. Confessions, Rejection. Loss. Everything that happened yesterday didn't matter right now. I felt like a giddy kid, or someone in love who had to live months without they loved. I dropped my bag and I started to run towards him. My legs taking long furious strides, and my arms pumping by my sides

_Find Me Here_

_Speak To Me_

_I want to feel you_

_I need to hear you_

_You are the light_

_That's leading me_

_To the place where I find peace again._

Edward closed his door. He saw me running and I guess that made him want to run to. The field was extensive, the wheat grass danced between us, blowing in the wind. The sky was a pale blue, lacking all signs of clouds, and sunlight bounced off the pond blinding my eyes. He tricked me last night. When he asked for the address to this place I had no idea that he was going to come looking for me. I wanted to cry because I still couldn't believe he cared so much...but I was all cried out.

My lungs burned and my cheeks stung from the cold air lashing out at my cheeks. Everything moved so slowly. A flock of birds flapped their wings wildly, in a desperate hurry to escape as I pounded through the sea of inky black feathers. I'd never felt anything so strongly than to touch Edward, kiss him, let him know that him being here. Made me realize even more how much he cared for me.

_You are the strength, that keeps me walking._

_You are the hope, that keeps me trusting._

_You are the light to my soul._

_You are my purpose...you're everything._

He crashed into me like fire and wine. Bitter, dangerous, combustible, and everything I needed. I grabbed onto him wrapping him tightly in my arms. My heart beat against his chest. I ran my hands through his hair, touched his cool cheeks, slipped my hands underneath his shirt. I was crying. _Fuck_! I buried my face in his chest and together we fell into the wheat grass. He held me, wrapping me up tightly in his embrace soaked with love. Kissing me and loving me despite everything I was.

_You calm the storms, and you give me rest._

_You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall._

_You steal my heart, and you take my breath away._

_Would you take me in? Take me deeper now_

After the realization settled in that he was _here._ I leaned away. Edward wiped his thumb across my cheek. We laid in silence in the grass. He took my hand in his, and entwined his fingers in between mine.

"We can talk when you're ready. I'm in no hurry to go back home." Edward kissed me once more, and then he laid back beside me. Our hands locked, bodies side by side, as we looked up together at the clear blue sky.

**Review**!!


	19. Loveless

**AN**: I poured a lot of emotion into the last chapter and I have to say that I was floored by the feedback I got for it. Jake was in a very dark place, and I wanted to show that darkness, dig a little into his past, and then offer some light for his future. Thank you again everyone for the amazing comments. This story has always been about character growth, relationships, pasts, ect. so it's rewarding to hear you guys talk about the characters in this story like they're real. I have a confession to make about this chapter. It was honestly almost left on the cutting room floor. It's different in the sense that it focuses a lot on other characters besides Edward and Jake, specifically Rosalie and Emmett's POV. While it might seem like Rose and Em are just tossed in here, I promise in the long run, their view on everything is important. This is why I decided to post this chapter. I figured it would be easier than Rosalie and Em explaining their pasts, and emotions to Edward or Jake...because it would take years for that to happen. So, Emmett and Rosalie's POV's are in third person limited, and Edward is first person. I hope you guys like this chapter...because I enjoyed getting in Rosalie's and Emmett's head, being that they are the most removed from Jake and Edward's gang of friends. The next chapter...Chapter 20, should have something in there that you guys have patiently been waiting for, and completely deserve after being the best fan's in the world to this story. You guys inspire me. –Maddie

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The song 'I'm not an Addict," belongs to K's Choice.

Chapter 19- Loveless

**Emmett's POV**

---

Numb.

Lights circled around the dark room. Bodies danced together in the midst of chaos. The floor was strewn with broken glass. Laughter rung in his ears. He was dizzy. Lost in the motion, drowned in the contagious rhythm. He danced with women and men, none of him knew his name, and he preferred it that way.

_Breathe it in and breathe it out_

_And pass it on, it's almost out_

_We're so creative, so much more_

_We're high above but on the floor_

_It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive_

_If you don't have it you're on the other side_

The strobe lights flooded his eyes. He was falling backwards in the haze, but someone caught him. Arms circled around him, pulling him up, and the cold wet feeling of beer being poured on his head brought him back to.

The party was in his veins.

Colors. Numbness. Euphoria. Release.

The weeks had rushed together. Reality faded away, and all he saw was this party. Emmett had a routine, he waited until eleven when his mom was sleeping and then he snuck out of the house. It was a wonder that she hadn't caught on yet. Especially when he stumbled back each morning at five.

People bounced up and down on the balls of their feet, throwing their hands up in the air, the DJ was going crazy on the table. The world was moving so fast. Emmett laughed. Some guy grabbed him and started to kiss him. It felt so good not to care or feel anything.

The world blacked out slowly. He felt hands on his chest, lips crushed against his. The guy had a pill on his tongue. Emmett swallowed it. The high came relatively quick. He was in _heaven_.

***

He woke up naked. Empty bottles, condom wrappers, cigarettes, and ashtrays surrounded him. Emmett was on a bed with five other people. They were all sleeping in awkward positions, stoned out of their minds. Three guys, and two girls. He felt sore and used. Emmett couldn't remember anything from last night. Well at least nothing from the party. But he did remember his mom arguing with someone on the phone. Emmett heard her tell the person on the other end that, "This wasn't working," and that , "All he thought about was himself," It didn't take a genius to realize that she was talking to his dad. A divorce was impedingly on the horizon. That should make him sad. But he didn't feel sad, just a little empty in a 'I need to find something to occupy me' kind of way.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed. Emmett accidentally kicked some guy with curly brown hair in the face. The guy's eyelids fluttered open and he his mouth widened in a yawn. He looked around confused and then his bloodshot eyes focused on Emmett. A drunken smirk crossed his average face.

"That was some wild night." He slurred.

Emmett reached for a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and chugged it down. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hands. "Yeah,"

"You were so fucking good." The guy sat up and placed his hand on Emmett's cheek. He planted a soft kiss down, touching the side of his lips. His kiss tasted of whiskey and something sour. "I haven't been fucked that good since..._ever_." He sloppily wrapped his hands around Emmett's strong arms.

Emmett frowned as he stared ahead. He didn't want to go for a round two, especially since he didn't even remember round one. He must've blacked out. The guy continued to kiss him greedily. He wiggled his body around to sit in Emmett's lap, rubbing his ass against Emmett's cock. The inky blackness of early morning seeped through the windows. Emmett focused on the ashes in the ashtray, blackened and disgusting. He placed down the Jack Daniels bottle and then pushed the guy off of him.

"I'm not drunk or high enough to fuck you again."

His feet connected with the cold flooring. He searched around tirelessly for his clothes. He couldn't even remember what he was wearing the other night. _Fuck it_. Emmett grabbed a pair of jeans; a long sleeved black shirt, and his jacket. His boots were right by the door.

It was freezing outside. He hoped into his Jeep Wrangler and put the heat on full blast. _Miserable_ by Lit filled the enclosed space. Emmett placed his hands on the steering wheel and stared straight ahead blankly. On rare occasions when he was alone. He wondered what the fuck he was doing? There was no glammer anymore in sneaking out and getting so fucked up that he couldn't remember anything. He could turn it off if he wanted too.

Emmett wasn't a slave to sex, or a slave to drinking. The buzz was never permanent but it kept him from sitting down and really thinking about everything he repressed. The word ticked back and forth in his head. _Repression_. It was such an ugly word. God he just needed to get back to College Park.

The drive back to his house felt longer than usual. Mount McKinley towered in the rearview window, covered with snow, shining like a beacon, in the black Anchorage morning. To the side of his jeep Emmett caught sight of a moose grazing in the bit of grass not covered by snow. Emmett slowed down because the last thing he needed right now was to hit a _moose_.

A few minutes later Emmett trudged through the front door. He kicked off his boots, placed them in the closet and then tried to sneak upstairs. The world spun, and his legs still felt incredibly sore. Emmett swayed to the side knocking into the wall just as the light turned on. He winced and closed his eyes. _Caught._

At the top of the stairs stood his mom. Caroline McCarty was tall and graceful with silvery blonde hair, grayish blue eyes, and faint smile lines around her mouth. She wasn't smiling now however. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and thin wisps of hair splayed outwards. She looked gravely concerned.

Emmett smiled trying to cover up where he'd been. It still amazed him how easily it had been to cover up his _double_ life from her. She saw the best in people, which was a gift and a curse sometimes, because seeing the best lead to irrevocable heartbreak sometimes.

"Emmett it's _six_ in the morning." Her eyes looked so tired.

"Yeah, I know." There was no point in lying now. He smelled strongly of alcohol, his eyes had to be bloodshot, and he frankly was too tired to care.

"Where were you?"

"A party."

The look in his mom's eyes broke his heart a little. Emmett bit his lip and looked away. "I knew a few friends that were going to be there so I went." He felt compelled to soften the blow all of a sudden.

"When did you start going to _parties_?" Her voice teetered on the edge of sadness and anger.

"This was the first one." He lied masterfully. She didn't need to know everything. If Emmett laid all his cards down on the table, and told her about the sex, the drugs, the things he did for a thrill she might just have a heart attack. There were few people that could make him feel guilt for the way he lived his life, and his mom was at the top of that list.

Caroline's lips thinned. "Get washed up and come into my room. We need to talk."

Emmett scowled. He didn't want to talk. He hated talking. "I've learned my lesson." He lied again. "No parties, no drinking." No more letting _guys_ fuck me. Never again.

Caroline shook her head, "This isn't up for argument Emmett. Shower, and then we have to talk."

Emmett sulked as he trudged towards his room. On his way there he glanced at his little brother Austin's closed door. He had been home for a few weeks now, and he hadn't seen much of Austin at all. Austin was always in his room with the door closed, or spending time with his friends, he just never seemed to be around.. Since returning back home to Anchorage Emmett's life had been a steady stream of parties, drinking, sex, basically _anything_ to keep him occupied. Austin just didn't fit into that equation.

Emmett turned on the faucet and ran his hands underneath the hot water. He then started stripping off the clothes that didn't belong to him. Emmett stared back at his reflection in the mirror. His pale blue orbs were bloodshot, and dark purple bruises were underneath his eyes. In the mirror he could see that someone had written _LOVE_ on his right pec in lipstick. He frowned and reached for a washcloth to furiously scrub at the damned word as if it could burn his skin.

In the shower he stood in place for a few minutes allowing the steam to circle around him. He placed his palm flat against the wall and closed his eyes as the water dribbled down his face and body. Emmett changed into a pair of jogging pants and a worn University of Maryland sweater he got his freshman year. Once he was out of the shower and dressed, he took slow strides to his mom's bedroom.

She was sitting on her bed, folding laundry, and looking as if she had been up all night. Papers were on the bed. She looked up and her eyes locked on her son's. "Close the door,"

Emmett closed the door and took a seat on the bed beside her.

"Emmett you've always been very responsible." Tears glistened in her eyes.

Emmett looked away. His cheeks flushed with warmth. Why did she have to call him in here to _cry_? She was always the one that he had fooled the easiest. His mom saw the best in him. Now it looked like the façade was wearing off. Now that they were sitting in silence and tears were falling down his mom's cheeks, he felt some remorse. Not for partying or drinking, just for getting _caught_. Emmett folded his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry mom."

Caroline quickly wiped at her tears. "I tried turning a blind eye to your behavior lately, but this in unacceptable. You've been staying out late at night, stumbling back here drunk, and god knows what else you've been doing...please tell me that you're at least being safe." She looked at him with wide eyes. Emmett could tell that his behavior wasn't the only thing on her mind.

"I'm not having sex." He lied again. "I'm just having fun."

Caroline's eyebrows drew together. "_Fun._ That doesn't sound like you." She reached out to touch Emmett's hand. "I didn't tell you about the divorce because I didn't know how too. You were always close to your father and I didn't want...." Caroline paused. "You overheard me talking to him and I tried to catch up to you, but you stormed away."

"I don't care about the divorce." Emmett said evenly. "Just you,"

Caroline took in a deep breath.

Emmett scowled. "So can I go to bed now?"

"Not yet," Caroline said shaking her head. She reached for Emmett's hand and squeezed it. "Your father and I have been considering taking a _break_ for a while now, but we stayed together for you and Austin, and tried to make it work."

Emmett remained silent.

"But your father his...addiction...I just couldn't Emmett. He told me that he would stop but..." Caroline looked down. "He's your father so I don't want to talk too much about what he did..."

"You _can_ tell me what he did. I'm sure I know what it is anyway. More prostitutes, the neighbor again, or that teenage girl down the street? Who'd you catch him with this time." Emmett smiled trying to act like he didn't care.

"I didn't catch him." Caroline wiped at her tears again. "Austin caught him."

Emmett heard _that_. He stepped into this conversation determined not to let his mom's tears affect him, but when she brought Austin, his impressionable five-year-old brother into the mix, he had to care. Emmett balled his fists. He thought about how traumatized Austin had to be when he walked in on their dad with some other woman. Some _slut_.

"I told him to pack his bags and leave." Caroline said. She shook her head, "But this isn't about your father and I"

Emmett reached for a box of Kleenex on the press and handed it to his mom. She accepted one thankfully and wiped at her eyes with shaking hands.

"Your little brother has been really sad lately. I think he thinks the divorce is his fault."

Emmett bowed his head.

"He was excited that you were coming home. He was the happiest I've seen him in a while. He looks up to you Emmett, and if anyone can make him feel safe again it's you. But you've been so busy...he's been hiding a lot lately, he doesn't really talk anymore, only a few words, and I don't know what to do."

Emmett rested his hand against his cheek. Now he felt like shit. The lowest fucking bastard in the world. He had been so caught up in his eternal game of numbness that he neglected the person he loved the most in the world. His little buddy, _his_ Austin.

"I hope it's not too much to ask you to spend the day with him tomorrow. I think that would be a positive change for the both of you."

"No it's not too much to ask." Emmett said quietly.

"Thank you." Caroline ran her hands through Emmett's dark mane of hair. "Now you can go to sleep."

Emmett stood up and walked towards the door. He paused and dared a glance over his shoulder at his mom. She had a box of cigarettes on her press and a ashtray filled with ashes. Emmett felt another emotion he didn't want to feel. _Sadness_. His mom had been a smoker for most of his life, but before leaving for College Park, he got her to stop.

Emmett wrote a paper, a ten-page paper about how important his family was to him, especially his mom. And in that paper he talked a lot about her smoking, and how worried he was that she wouldn't make it to the big events in Austin's life. The paper was for his senior year English class. He won an award for it, and ended up presenting it to the whole school. Everyone in the auditorium was in tears that day...everyone but him. Writing down his emotions had always been the easiest way to handle them.

The day that he read his speech, Caroline McCarty managed to quit cold turkey. She had been clean now for two years and a half, but it looked like she was regressing. When Caroline's blue orbs followed Emmett's to the cigarettes she swallowed morosely.

"I just had a few."

Emmett nodded slowly. "Okay." _Just like I had a few beers, and got fucked by a few guys_. But I can't remember any of it. So it's all okay. It's all fucking okay. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Emmett closed his eyes and counted to five. His heart was racing in his chest but he managed to slow down the steady beating. He pushed his mom out of his head, because he couldn't take on two wars right now.

He had a kid to apologize to. A kid that didn't understand the things he did to hurt himself and others. He was addicted to not feeling. But Austin was one of the few people that he couldn't shut out. When Austin looked at him it was like he was this beautiful shiny thing. With kind eyes, a heart, a warm smile that meant everything in the world. Emmett liked being everything to his little brother because it gave him purpose. It was nice to have someone love him despite all the things he had done.

Austin's door was decorated with pictures. Austin liked to draw. Trucks, clowns, a view from Turnagain Arm. Emmett opened the door a little and poked his head inside. He saw Austin sleeping on his bed, his arms were wrapped tightly around his comforter, and his curly blonde hair was washed with moonlight. Emmett smiled and closed the door.

_Innocence_.

Austin was too young to know the cruelty of this world. He was just a kid. Always smiling, always happy. Smart as hell, and he believed in magic. Emmett didn't believe in magic...but he was going to do whatever he could to bring a smile back to Austin's face.

***

**Edward's POV**

---

A little girl with blonde pigtails was leaning over Jacob's booth and watching me. I tried to ignore her, but it was a little irritating, even if she didn't know any better. I tried to adjust my position so I wouldn't have to see her, but she adjusted hers as well. I shielded my eyes with my hand, but that only resorted in her doing the same. To make matters worse she was eating some kind of oatmeal, which was now dribbling down her chin, and she was blowing bubbles with it. Jacob was in his own little world so he didn't notice the oatmeal, which looked like throw up, falling a few centimeters from his arms.

"Girl if you don't sit your booty down." The girl's mom said twirling around. Her hair was also in pigtails, and she was wearing the same outfit as her daughter. An oversized shirt with Tweety dancing on the front, and black leggings. She had no business wearing _that_. I knew that Jacob would've made fun of the creepy daughter and mother twin dress if he wasn't so depressed. I folded my hands in front of me feeling utterly helpless. I drove down here to see him. We hugged, and talked about vague things that neither of us cared about, but we still hadn't broken the ice.

He was hurting. I could see it painted all across his face. His dark eyes were set in a tortured way on a water tower in the middle of a field of grain. My stomach growled uneasily as I tore my eyes away from him. I was thinking with enough effort to give me a headache. What should I do or say? More than anything I just wanted to see that trademark Jacob smile. Sly and mischievious with a hint of danger, and a sad haunt that only the people who knew him best could pick up on.

My cell phone vibrated nosily. I clenched my jaw and looked down at the screen. My parents had been calling me for the last hour non-stop. They must've just realized that not only was my car gone, but I also wasn't in my room. I waited until the vibrating stopped and then I nibbled anxiously on my lip. I hadn't picked up their calls because I was stalling. I needed a good excuse to explain why I drove four hours in the middle of the night.

"Edward are you going to get that?" Jacob asked.

I jumped a little because I didn't expect Jacob to notice the vibrating. His voice washed over me like honey, completely soothing, and so worth being killed by my parents for. I scowled and racked my hands through my hair. "Yeah, I probably should get this." I slid out of the booth. The little girl was waving at me now. Maybe she would've been cute if she didn't have that oatmeal all over her face. Jacob unexpectedly grabbed my hand as I walked past him.

I stared at him in surprise. He closed his eyes and kissed my skin delicately. His lips were soft and sweet, and tainted with poison, because I would do anything for those lips. _Even this_. Sneak out of my house without telling my parent's, drive hours, run away with him wherever. As long as I was in his world, and we were together, that's all that mattered.

Jacob smiled crookedly as he kissed my hand again. His fingers slowly unfurled from mine. "Thanks Edward again for this," He placed his hands back in his lap and focused his attention back on the water tower. I reached out and ran my hands through his dark hair. He gave me a small smile, but his eyes remained on the same spot. "Be right back," I promised.

The North Carolina air was chilly and thick with the scent of burning wood. I took a seat on a stone ledge and allowed my fingers to slide across the buttons on my cell. I still had no idea what I was going to say. I rested my other hand against my cheek. My mind naturally wandered back to Jacob. I hadn't thought about it in great detail, but I still couldn't believe that he came out to _Leah_. I had braced myself to be his dirty little secret for a while, but it moved me in unexplainable ways, that Jacob felt that I was important enough to come out for.

He risked it all for me, and I made it very clear that he didn't have to. He had known Leah for most of his life, and I had just come into his world a few months ago. But I meant that much to him. Conviction flowed through me now as I called home.

"Edward where are you?" Carlisle answered. His voice which usually exuded control and reason showed signs of fear.

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down. I didn't know what to say.

"Edward? Are you there."

I took in a deep breath and placed my hand to my cool forehead. "Dad, I'm here."

"Are you okay?" Carlisle asked all in one breath.

"Yes, I'm fine."

There was an uncomfortable pause. I braced myself for anything. I'd never made my parents extremely upset before, but this could be the rare occasion.

"Now I'm going to ask you again. Where are you?"

His voice was strained. He was definitely pissed off at me. My cheeks burned like flames were licking at my insides. A shiver traveled down my spine. It could've been the frigid wind circling around me, licking at my cheeks, or the regret of not telling my parents anything. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

"Edward you could've at least told us where you were going? When your mom realized that you were gone, she started thinking the worst. You know how your mom gets. What could've been so important that you had to run off in the middle of the night without telling anyone."

_Jacob_. Saying his name would basically be blaming him for my rash actions. He didn't tell me to come up here, I did it on my own free will, and I would take full responsibility for that. "I felt...I thought that my roommate...I thought he needed me, so I had to be there for him. And I couldn't tell you because," I licked my wind burned lips, "I couldn't tell you because I knew you would say no, and if you said _no_ I would've gone anyway."

The truth stung like daggers as I spoke with disregard to my dad. I knew I was wrong. I felt like shit because of it, but if I did like I was supposed to, and stayed home, then who knows where Jacob would be. He wasn't in his right mind. I had the luxury of having impossibly understanding parents, and a twin sister who was annoying at times, but at the end of the day loved me unconditionally, Jacob didn't have that.

The closest thing he had to that was Rebecca and she was never around to listen.

"Edward come home. When you get here, your mother and I are going to have a serious talk with you." Carlisle sighed. "Edward what you did was inexcusable, and the way you're talking to me now...this isn't like you."

I'm in love dad. Love is breaking the rules, because you have someone else to look after. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Before Jacob if anyone told me that I would've probably rolled my eyes. I didn't put much stock in love, I wanted it, but I never believed that it was worth losing myself so completely over. Through the glass window I stole a glance at Jacob. The little girl was now standing up and looking down at his head. He of course _still_ didn't notice her.

My lips thinned as I took in Jacob's motorcycle parked right next to my Volvo. My eyebrows knitted together. I wondered what he would've done if I didn't come? Wander around lost and lonely? No I couldn't have that. The next thought that came to mind was the fact that he was going to drive all the way down to Georgia for _me_.

I couldn't imagine leaving him here right now. Without talking about anything? It just felt so incomplete.

"Esme he's alright." Carlisle said slicing into my thoughts.

"Where is he?" Esme asked she sounded upset, but not angry, just sad.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt another sharp pain.

"I told him that he needs to come home." Carlisle said. "He'll be here soon."

"Um...that might take a few hours." I said through gritted teeth.

"A few hours. _Edward_." Carlisle's voice sounded angrier than I had ever heard it before. I flinched. "Just come home. Don't speed. Take your time. I'm _very_ ashamed in you. I don't even know what to say. Just come home."

I frowned and looked down sadly at the pavement underneath my Converse's. I didn't like to disappoint the people I loved so I couldn't help but to feel a little sad. What was I going to do? The drive back to Savannah was going to take a few hours, but Jacob was _here_. I didn't want to just leave him. I balled my fists and pressed it against my jeans. My cell phone vibrated again. Who the fuck was it now. My eyes brimmed with tears.

I was tempted to just stay here. Lie and say I had a flat tire, or maybe even not lie at all. Just go back to Maryland with Jacob, and head back for Georgia tomorrow. But I wasn't sure if I could go through with that. _Alice was calling me_. I sighed and answered.

"Hey Allie," I didn't even bother to hide how conflicted I was.

"Mom and dad were freaking out. I can't believe you just left without telling..."

"Alice, dad already told me how much I disappointed him, I don't need you to tell me the same thing."

"Edward I wasn't going to chastise you." Alice said impatiently. "I was just calling to make sure that you're okay. If you're going to steal away in the middle of the night I know you have a good reason. It's Jake isn't it? Is he okay?"

"Not so much."

"If you come back here without solving things with him you're going to be miserable. Are you in Maryland?"

"No North Carolina,"

"Oh okay? Um why?"

"Because he was coming to see me in Georgia."

"Bring him back here with you. Mom and dad will send out a bounty hunter if you're still missing by tomorrow, and if you bring him here, you can solve both problems with a simple solution."

I considered the idea. Jacob was already on his way to see me. And we weren't that far away from Savannah...it could work. But I doubted that my parents would be okay with me running away and then bringing my fugitive love back home, like everything was okay.

"I could butter them up." Alice offered. "Tell them how epic you and Jake are...well _will_ be."

I smiled crookedly despite the sadness. "I love you Alice but you don't have to do that."

"Love you too, and yes I do. Cheer him up Edward, because you two work on the same mood wavelength, if he's sad, then so are you. Bye Edward."

"Bye Allie." I hung up the phone feeling a little more optimistic than I had initially. I went back inside. Jacob was still in the same position I left him. He was hunched over the table, his strong arms braced on the table, his head bent over the menu. He must've read it at least fifteen time by now.

"Hey," I said scooting in beside him this time.

"Yo," he responded back trying to sound chipper. "The waiter came around a few times. He's getting impatient because I keep telling him to come back." Jacob studied my face closely as if he was seeing me for the first time. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I said quickly.

Jacob took my hands in his. "You're cold. You're always so fucking cold."

"Well I was _outside_."

He took my other hand in his, and brought both our hands together, warming them up in his slightly bigger ones. My cock stirred at his touch, but I ignored it.

"FYI, the waiter is kinda creepy looking. He has these serial killer beady eyes, and he just stares at you when you talk to him. Stares and breathes." Jacob smiled to himself and looked at the water tower once again.

"Do you like water towers? You keep looking at that one." I pointed across the field at it.

"Yeah I like them." Jacob smiled again. "Totally random."

"Jake. Can I ask you something selfish?"

"You can ask me anything." He squeezed my hand.

I licked my lips and looked down.

"Spit it out." Jacob's voice dropped into a whisper. He stared back at me expectantly.

"Well you already drove down here to North Carolina, so um...why not complete your journey?"

Jacob cocked an eyebrow. "You want me to come back to Savannah with you?"

I nodded slowly.

Jacob blinked and looked away. "But your parents...I'm sure they won't like me just showing up at their door."

"It didn't seem to be a problem before. You were already on your way down."

"No, I was on my way to _crazy_...reason would've eventually returned and I would've turned around and went back home."

At this point he was basically telling me _no_. I took in a deep breath. I was already on a streak, sneaking out, boldly telling my dad that I would've defied him if he got in my way, so why should I back down now? I lifted my legs up onto the booth and stretched them out across Jacob.

He looked down, his cheeks reddening, and then he grinned. "What are you doing skinny boy?"

"I'm not that skinny. I've kicked plenty of asses in my time and I _can_ kick yours."

Jacob stared deeply into my eyes. "What do you want from me Edward?"

"This is a bridge." I pointed to my legs, "It won't go up until you pay the toll."

Jacob looked down. I could see the wheels working in his head. He was trying hard to come up with a joke. I didn't want him to joke with me. I just wanted, _needed_ him to be painfully honest with me. He was in a dark place and I desperately wanted to be the light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted to help him.

"Fine I'll pay the toll. What is it? A blow job in the bathroom stall." Jacob pressed his tongue against his cheek and tilted his head towards the bathroom. "I'll swallow."

"_No_," I said seriously. "I'm so focused right now. You can't take my mind off the fact that you drove all the way down here to see _me_."

Jacob's smile fell. "I know that. But I'm tired of always being heavy. If I can't be around myself when I'm like this, then how can you."

"Easily." I said scooting closer to him on the booth. "The toll is a simple _yes_. Come back home with me, let me take care of you. I wish you would stop thinking that you have to be perfect for me." I placed my hand underneath his chin. "I don't know anyone who's not broken in some way. Living is hurting a little. But it's also helping, and letting the people you love, _help you_."

Jacob looked down sadly. "I won't be any fun."

"Then I'll cheer you up. I'll make you laugh. I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel alright again."

"Edward..."

"Yes,"

"You're too good for me."

There was a prolonged silence between us. Jacob had a far away look in his eyes as if in some dark corner of his soul he believed his comment to be true.

My eyebrows drew together. "Don't say things like that to me. Just say yes."

"Fine," Jacob nodded slowly. "_Yes_."

***

**Rosalie's POV**

---

The bed gave way underneath her. She bounced up and down. Her peaceful slumber was rudely awakened. Rosalie lunged forward and grabbed onto the leg of the _assailant_. Her older sister Stella fell onto her, a pile of perfect blonde hair, petite frame, and annoying giggles. Rosalie swatted her sister away in irritation. "What the fuck Stell, it's like eight in the fucking morning."

"_Eleven_ princess." Stella corrected. She pulled at the sheets on Rosalie. "Now get up. I let you sleep long enough."

"Bitch I will cut you." Rosalie hissed.

"You've always been so _eloquent_ in the morning." Stella teased. She entwined her hands in Rosalie's, "Today's my engagement party so why the hell are you still in bed. I have three different dresses picked out and I need you to help me choose one."

Rosalie reached for her pillow and placed it over her head. "Go away."

"You know sometimes I really hate you." Stella sighed smacking her hand on the pillow.

"Good, then the feelings mutual." Rosalie not too kindly kicked her sister in the side.

"_Oww_. Rose, There will be a ton of guys there. Fortune 500 guys, lawyer's doctors. See this party isn't just for me. You can use this as an opportunity to finally get over that Montgomery boy, you know the one that cheated on you."

Rosalie felt a wave of anger. She flashed back to the night of Edward and Alice's birthday. She selected a restaurant solely because her ex was going to be there, and she wanted it to look like she moved on. Rosalie had planned on latching onto Edward's arm, because Emmett wouldn't let her use him. But the night ended with her drunk, and feeling like a bitch, for using the Cullen twins in her plot for revenge. That night Emmett carried her out of the restaurant a drunken sobbing mess. Edward was there too, and she remembered him being kind. She turned over on her side. "_Leave me alone_."

"Rosalie, I'm just trying to help. I want you to be happy like Josh and me." Stella sung.

"I'd rather die before turning into Barbie and Ken." Rosalie said dryly. "And you can put that quote on your wedding invitations."

"Right," Stella scowled. "Because you're not happy unless your shooting poor animals like a man with _daddy_. Rosalie the Barbarian."

"Breakfast is ready!" Came a tinkering whistle that invaded her room.

"Fuckin' hell!" Rosalie groaned. "Can't you two congregate elsewhere?"

"Rosalie Lillian Hale," Vivian Hale protested. "It isn't lady like to be cursing like Kathy Griffin this early in the morning."

Rosalie felt the bed give way again. "Mom, can I please just get some sleep, and take Stella with you."

"No Rosalie you need to get up. The guests are already starting to arrive for the engagement party. Put on some make-up, fix your hair, and God dear would it kill you to put on a friendly smile."

Stella giggled, "She always has her teeth barred as if she's ready to bite into someone's neck at any moment. Maybe that's why guys are so scared of her?"

Rosalie pulled back the pillow and sat up. She narrowed her eyes at Stella and Vivian . They were almost identical images of each other, both petite and blonde, with long eyelashes, perfect bone structure, and perfectly pouty lips. They were everything she wasn't. _Bitches_.

"Rose," Vivian 's voice softened. "We're not asking a lot. You'll be at the party anyways. It's _here_. It's about time you got over that boy who broke your heart."

Rosalie stood up and she opened her closet door. She stared around at the grand space, big enough to be a room in itself and closed the door securely behind her. She flipped on the light. Rosalie crossed her arms close to her chest and looked back at the clothes, dresses, jackets, pantsuits all arranged according to color and season. And underneath the clothes were shoes, loads of them. She walked all the way to the far end of the closet and took a seat underneath the black and white winter outfits.

She fucking hated being home. Rosalie brought her knees to her chest and she briefly considered the idea of going to the party in jeans and a Maryland sweater. She would. But even if she wasn't as vain as her sister, or mother, she didn't want people to talk negatively of her, because they _would_.

Rosalie took in a deep calming breath. She could do this. It was just one night. One stupid party. She'd smile, and act like she was happy for Stella and Josh, after all her mom wanted grandkids _now_, so Stella could get started on that. Rosalie reached for her phone. At least there was one sane person she could talk to who would understand. He would never judge her for using every expletive known to man in a rant, and making up a few in the process. He saw her when she was mad, he saw her when she was sad, and she wished like hell that he was here now.

If she found a guy that had Emmett's qualities she would marry him in a second, just because he would totally get her. She dialed his number. The phone rung a few times. Anchorage was four hours behind Manhattan meaning that it must be...

"Hello?"

"Emmett hey it's me." Rosalie listened to make sure that her sister and mom were gone. She didn't hear any whispering or giggling. So that meant the coast was most likely clear.

"Hey what's up?"

"Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, but you don't care."

Rosalie smiled softly to herself, "Maybe I care a little." She stared up at the high ceiling. "Vivian and Stella are doing their infamous comedian act and teaming up against me again. Rosalie you need a man. You're so harsh. No wonder men are scared of you."

"They can go fuck themselves. Men aren't scared of you." Emmett said.

Rosalie smiled to herself. "You always know the right things to say to cheer me up. So enough about me, tell me something, tell me anything."

"I'm spending the day with my little brother." Emmett yawned. "Nothing else going on here."

Rosalie closed her eyes. "As much as I hate kids. I think I would be okay with a little brother like Austin. He knows when to shut up, cleans up after himself, and loves you unconditionally. I could deal with that. Especially the unconditional part."

"Hey Rose,"

"Yeah?"

"Don't listen to them. Don't let them tell you how you should be. You're fine. Got it? Fine."

Why can't I be more than fine?" she egged on.

"Because I can't be friends with someone that isn't dysfunctional in some kind of way," Emmett laughed. "Normal people scare me."

Rosalie hopped up, "I need to pick out a dress for this stupid thing. What color should I wear?"

"_Red_. Stand out."

"And Emmett."

"Yeah?"

"Have you talked to anyone else over the break."

"You're my only friend. Who else would I talk too. All I got is you."

Rosalie could tell that Emmett meant to come off joking, but he sounded adorable. Kind of like a kid who wouldn't admit it, but needed someone to love them. "Edward. Have you talked to him?"

"I'm hanging up on you." Emmett said all of a sudden. His tone changing from loyal friend to perturbed in an instant.

"Just say you love him."

"Rose you need to let it go. Me and him are just friends, if even that."

"You seem happy when you're around him. _Different_. I'm your best-friend, why can't you tell me that you love him?" She was down so she wanted to hear some good news. Emmett confirming what she already knew would help her get through the rest of this dreadful day. At least she could have hope for him.

"Stop deflecting, pairing me up with Edward isn't going to make you feel any less empty. Bye." And then he hung up.

Rosalie's mouth dropped. "Emmett?" she looked down at her phone in shock. He hung up on her. _He fucking hung up on her_. A bitter wave of tears overtook her, but she refused to let the tears fall. Rosalie went over to her red dresses. Emmett was always there for her, always, and even though he didn't like to talk about his feelings, he would always stay on the phone with her for hours. And _listen_.

She never understood why he only allowed the people closest to him to see so much, before he shut down. It wasn't healthy.

Rosalie pulled down a red dress and spread it out on the floor. She crouched down on her knees and traced her hands across the silk fabric. Even if Emmett couldn't admit his feelings for Edward, at least he had someone to love. Someone was better than no one at all.

***

**Edward's POV**

---

A few hours later I pulled up into the driveway. Jacob stopped at a gas station a few miles away from my neighborhood, and told me to meet him when my parents said it was okay for him to come over. I understood his logic. He was trying to be respectful. My dad sounded serious about talking to me on the phone, so my only worry was that I didn't know how long that would take.

A sinking feeling snuck up inside me. At the beginning of the semester I had done everything I could to hide my nice things. We had a lot of money and I was embarrassed about that because wealth didn't define me, I could live without this big house, or my expensive car. I didn't need any of it. And College Park had been my chance to start all over, strip down to the basics, show people me. And Jacob saw me, but he didn't know I was loaded like _this_.

I just hoped his opinion wouldn't change. He already thought I was too good for him. I cursed silently under my breath because I loathed the idea. It wasn't healthy to analyze anything further. I was going to talk to my parents, apologize profusely, and then explain why I went to see Jacob. I was going to tell them the truth in hopes that they would understand and let Jacob stay for the night.

I scowled. Even in my head it sounded like I was asking a lot.

I heard someone whistle from my attic room. I peered up, not surprised in the least to see Alice. She waved.

"Jake is clear to come over. But they're still mad at you."

"You talked to them?" I asked her.

She signaled for me to lower my voice. "Of course."

The door opened and Carlisle appeared. He stepped aside, without even greeting me, and tilted his head towards the kitchen.

My eyes widened. _Uh oh_. I walked through the sunlit foyer. The patio door was open, and a slightly cool breeze wafted in. I assumed that my _inquisition_ would be held outside. Sure enough my mom was sitting at the table, her arms were crossed and she was looking towards the garden. Her expression was troubled.

"Hi mom," I said sheepishly. I wasn't exactly sure how to greet her.

Esme gave me a small smile. "Edward you can't just do that."

I felt like saying I was _eighteen_, but I wisely swallowed that down.

"You just left, without a call, without anything. Imagine how scared I was when I realized that my son was missing. My mind started to work overtime, I thought you had been kidnapped...or that you went somewhere last night and never came back." Her lips trembled. "I know that you're in college now, and you have your own life. But show us some respect. Sit down."

My eyebrows furrowed with difficulty and I took a seat.

Carlisle sat down beside my mom.

I tapped my feet anxiously on the dark flooring.

"Alice explained everything to us." Esme said still visibly upset. "You have a boyfriend now."

"Yes,"

"And that's _fine_." Esme stated. "But you need to seriously think over your actions. I know it must be nice to be in love but..."

"_Don't be foolish_." Carlisle added in. "We would've allowed Jacob to come down if you asked...and we would've considered allowing you to drive up there. If you waited until the morning then we could've avoided all of this." Carlisle's lips thinned. "Edward, do you understand?"

"Okay," Alice waltzed out onto the patio. "I think ya'll have grilled him enough. He's sorry, it won't ever happen again. Let's move on. I'm sure he's tired."

Carlisle gave Alice a warning look.

"Um...maybe I should've timed my speech for a few seconds later." Alice whistled slinking back into the kitchen.

Esme cast her eyes tiredly at Alice, "I'm going to get the pool house ready for Jake." She avoided looking at me. "I thought he was coming. Where is he?"

I bit my lip. "Waiting. He wanted to be polite and make sure that you guys said it was okay before he came."

Carlisle stood up and walked inside.

Esme looked after him and then she looked back at me. "He called out of work because you were missing Edward. Aislynn's having surgery today. He missed it."

I swallowed down a huge lump in my throat. Now I understood why he was so angry. I made him worry. I took him away from work. I felt like complete shit.

***

**Emmett's POV**

---

Emmett walked down the stairs. The welcoming aroma of pancakes, bacon, and omelets wafted to him. He was starved. From the kitchen he could hear the television on low. Austin was probably watching Nick Jr. He was the most conscientious five-year-old Emmett knew because he listened to music at a whisper, and the television, because he didn't want to damage his hearing when he got older. Emmett smirked to himself. He stretched out his arms lazily. His body still ached all over from last night.

The early morning was ashen. Thick clouds hovered up high threatening rain. Emmett stroked his jaw thoughtfully when he reflected on Rosalie's ass crack of morning phone call. She was incredibly selfish. Rosalie didn't care if Anchorage was four hours behind Manhattan, whenever she had a problem she called him like he was her bitch, just because it was _convenient_.

For a minute he tried to convince himself that Rosalie deserved to be hung up on. But the war was lost. Rosalie wasn't selfish, she just depended on him more than anyone else, and he was a fuck up for treating her like shit. Emmett closed his eyes. Even though he did blame himself mostly for their minor altercation, Rosalie was wrong for bringing up _Edward_.

Emmett didn't like to think about Edward. When he was around him, he focused solely on making Edward smile, or secretly wishing him all the happiness in the world. Emmett liked to keep it black and white. Cut and dry. Because Rosalie was obviously right. Edward made him feel something, and he felt sick for even acknowledging that. How could he even think about Edward...when clearly he was the _villain_ in Jacob and Edward's ever after.

Jacob was safe for Edward. He was a good match. Even though Jacob was ten kinds of fucked up, Emmett knew that he was _twenty_. He was allergic to emotions...especially the ones that centered around love. He just didn't want to deal with it. Despite his best attempts, Edward always filled his mind like a song. Every dirty joke meant something else. He was sure that he had the capacity to lose himself in Edward, if only he would give himself the chance.

Emmett saw the pink frosting on Edward's lips the night he gave him the cupcake. He had wanted to kiss him then. Take advantage of him. Maybe even hurt him, if that was what it took to stop the screaming in his head. The bittersweet urge to finally feel something, and just let it go. Edward would take care of his heart. He would listen to his insecurities, his failures, and he could be good for him...he would be if Jacob hadn't already won him over.

Why couldn't he just let this go?

_The deeper you stick it in your vein_

_The deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain_

_I'm in heaven, I'm a god_

_I'm everywhere, I feel so hot_

Fuck it. Allowing himself to think even this far was hurtful. There was no happy ending for him here. Emmett opened his eyes and smiled in bitter amusement at himself. _You fucking idiot. Actually sitting here and thinking about Edward like he would even_ _want_ you.

But his heart was racing. He was feeling things. It couldn't be healthy to try and suppress all these emotions, but he couldn't focus on love...at least not the kind that he could or _did_ feel for Edward. The only love that he could handle right now was the kind he had for his family, and friends. That was the most honest he could be. Emmett walked through the hallway and slipped into his father's study.

He just needed some alone time. A few seconds to get his shit together. The room was filled entirely with books. This was his favorite room in the house. A hearth was right behind the caramel colored leather chair, and a crystal container holding a dark liquid was on the mahogany desk. Emmett thought about pouring himself a glass but then he remembered that he was going to be with Austin all day. He needed to be sober for that.

Emmett took a few seconds to light a fire. Ashes flew upwards as the fire crackled hungrily at the wood. He took a seat in the swivel chair and twirled around like a kid for a few seconds. The fire felt good against his cold skin. Emmett opened the top drawer and started to rummage around for a piece of paper and a pen. Right at the top of the drawer was a folded piece of legal paper. Emmett was naturally curious so he opened it.

_Kim. Nicole. Gina_.

Underneath the names were dates and times. Gina was scheduled for today. Emmett started to crumple the paper in his hands but then he paused. He folded the paper back neatly, and then placed it back in the drawer. Emmett came across more names and dates but this time he didn't diverge anymore. He finally found what he was looking for, a piece of paper and a pen.

He didn't want to see anymore names or times.

Emmett was going to write down everything he was feeling. He was going to be completely honest. Let it all out in a stupid poetic rage, and then he was going to burn it. Burn down the feelings that tried to hold him captive. Purge the thoughts so he couldn't hurt. He couldn't wait to be free of this. Some people were made to be in love, belong to someone else, but that just wasn't for him. In the blackness of his thoughts he allowed the sweet agonizing pain to consume him. Just now. Just this once.

_Be_ _Real. No hiding. No using the convenient Jacob excuse. Just let down your guard. Feel it. Don't think. Just let it all take over you_. _The pain, the pleasure, everything_. _Set yourself up for the big let down Emmett_. _He'll never love you like he loves him...he barely knows you. No one really knows you._

Emmett ignored the voices in his head calling him a weak pathetic fuck, and just started to write down everything he had pushed to the back. _Hate is safer than love. Hurt him. Hurt Edward. Make him hate you. Because you're nothing to him. Nothing._

Emmett kept his eyes closed.

Feel nothing. Fuck. Just feel everything. The pen started to fly across the page. His cheeks burned as he let everything go.

_This ugliness is a disease that spreads. I've been kissed by 100 boys, and I've broken even more hearts. I've stolen, I've lied, I've ran whenever I felt too much, because to love is to die. But the tragedy is all the pain, all the games, it caught up to me. What a violent struggle it is to realize that the games I've played are now being played on me. Hopelessly in love with someone else's dream...he'd be prefect for you, he would. But you're so ugly...too ugly for him because he exists in a world with beautiful things...and you're not it. You never will be._

Emmett stared down at the words, scribbled quickly. They burned his eyes. He saw a few words. Pain. Tragedy. Dream. He balled up the paper and tossed it into the flames. Orange embers consumed the paper, it twisted and turned, black holes, engulfed his forbidden thoughts. Emmett watched the paper burn until nothing was left and then he stood.

He just burned his heart in that fire. _Good_.

_It's over now, I'm cold, alone_

_I'm just a person on my own_

_Nothing means a thing to me_

_(Nothing means a thing to me)_

Emmett walked out of the study and closed the door behind him. His mom was walking down the hall. She wore a red trenchcoat, black pantsuit, and her silvery blonde hair fell down her shoulders. Caroline arched an eyebrow and stared at the closed study door, her lips formed a question.

"Emmett? You look like you're in _pain_. Are you okay."

At that moment Emmett realized that his fists were clenched tightly. He unfurled them. "Yeah I just have a stomach ache so I was looking for drugs."

Caroline nodded slowly. She rummaged around in her purse and handed Emmett some pepto bismol tablets. He caught a quick glimpse of a box of Marlboro's in her jacket pocket.

He smiled weakly. "Pharmaceutical queen. Where are you going?"

Caroline looked down. Emmett inched closer and took the cigarettes out of her purse. She was so distracted that she didn't notice. He stuffed them in his back pocket.

"I'm going to see my lawyer."

"Oh, okay."

Caroline's eyebrows knitted together. "Emmett you don't have to say it's okay."

"I don't, but it is. I'm twenty. I don't need my mommy and daddy to stay together to be happy." He spoke with air of sarcasm. "It's Austin you have to worry about."

As if Austin knew the perfect time to make an appearance he bounded around the corner. "So it looks like it's just Dora and Diego today. What are we exploring hermano?" Emmett said because he knew Austin liked watching both those shows.

Austin gave Emmett a small heart breaking smile.

Emmett felt a sinking feeling in his chest. "I'm going to let you call the shots Austin. What are we doing? You're stuck with me for the whole day." He wanted more than a smile. Austin always talked. He liked talking. He could talk you to death about the weather, cartoons, and books. Emmett wished that his little brother would talk him to death now. He walked over to Austin, got down on his knees, and took his hands in his.

_Hello_. He signed with Austin's hands.

Emmett had taught Austin how to do sign language last summer. Austin was big on secret brotherly codes, it made him feel special, so sign language was their code. If Emmett had done something so horrible that Austin didn't even want to _talk _to him, he hoped that Austin would at least communicate through sign language.

But Austin's small hands were still in Emmett's bigger ones.

Emmett's eyebrows furrowed. "Why won't you talk to me?" He mouthed.

Austin bowed his head. He pulled his tiny hands away and walked past Emmett, leaving him on the floor.

"Austin?" Caroline said.

The little boy paused as if he forgot something. He ran to his mom, threw his tiny arms around her, and allowed her to pick him up. She swung him around and then placed him back down. Austin continued on his way to his room.

Emmett remained on the floor staring after his little brother. "Is he mad at me?"

"No," Caroline closed her eyes and massaged her temples. "Since I told him that your father and I were taking a break, he's been like this." Caroline laughed ruefully, "Austin's just like you in that sense, never saying what he feels, always playing some game to make everyone around him see, and guess what's really going on?"

Emmett stood up. Maybe his mom knew him better than he thought?

"I've tried everything. I even told him that your dad and I still have a chance." Caroline closed her eyes as a tear fell down her cheek. "But then I realized I was lying to him. If that's what he needs...I don't know what to do. He'll keep this up. He will. Just like you, when you used to hide whenever you didn't get your way." Caroline's lips trembled. "It took me days to find you, but you were so smart, always packing away food and juice. Sometimes I still think that you didn't want me to find you back then."

Emmett looked down at the floor and then back at his mom. He refrained from commenting. "I'll see if I can get him to open up to me."

***

**Edward's POV**

---

I knocked on the door to the pool house. Jacob came home with me about an hour ago, and my mom took him away, to set him up here.

I heard quick footsteps and then Jacob opened the door. I handed him some of my clothes to change into. "Presents for you." I managed a smile despite my guilt for making my dad miss Aislynn's surgery.

"Thank you." Jacob glanced outside as if to make sure no one followed me.

My cheeks warmed. "I'm alone. It's okay."

He circled his hand around my wrist and pulled me inside.

"Ed, I didn't know you that lived like _this_."

"It's just a house with things." I said self-consciously.

"A big house with _big_ things."

I scowled.

"You don't have to be ashamed of where you come from. I can't believe you deprived me of an endless flow of rich boy jokes." Jacob ran his hands through my hair. He looked better. But with him looks could be deceiving.

"That's what I wanted to avoid." I moved across the floor and took a seat on the bed. "Is this okay...sleeping here."

Jacob bit his lip and shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's more than okay, but I still feel guilty for just dropping in on your folks. I forgot how nice your mom is." Jacob smiled sheepishly. "She talked to me for about ten minutes and it wasn't uncomfortable at all."

I was glad to hear that my mom didn't blame Jacob for my behavior.

Jacob placed the clothes beside me and crawled into my lap. He was facing me. Jacob danced his warm fingers along my jaw, and then my lips, he planted twin kisses on my eyelids, and the caressed my forehead. I closed my eyes as I allowed the calming heat of his warmth to slide over me gracefully. I wrapped my arms tightly around Jacob, needing to feel his heart beat against mine. I just wanted him to be okay. I wished that their was someway that I could fast-forward through all this pain for him.

"Did you want to talk now?" I asked. My cheek pressed against his strong chest.

He grunted.

"We don't have too." I added quickly.

"Can we just _be _for a little while." Jacob said running his knuckles along my back gently. "Thanks again for being there for me,"

"Anytime." I whispered.

His shallow breaths filled the room.

"You don't have to stay trapped in here. You'll get bored."

"I'm not bored." He crawled off of me, and fell back on the bed. "I'm in the place where you grew up. How could I possibly be bored?"

"Then your tired?"

"Maybe a little. Concrete ain't so nice to sleep on." Jacob smiled easily. "My back feels like an old man's. Where is my cane and ointment."

I showed all my teeth as I grinned. Jacob kicked off his shoes, and rested his black socks against my legs. I teasingly tickled his feet. He laughed like a child and finally rolled away from me.

"You're dangerous." He sat up and curled his legs underneath him. Jacob yawned again.

"Shower at least before you go to sleep?"

"Do I smell that bad?" Jacob asked.

I crawled over to him and tugged at his shirt. "Well you do smell like _shed._ Just a little mulchy."

"_Mulchy_?" Jacob grinned. "So I smell like dirt. Dirt and shit! 'Cause mulch stinks."

I laughed again.

"Sleep with me." He said softly. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on top of him. His hot cheek pressed against mine, and I could feel his breath rush across my lips. "And I don't mean in the biblical way." He grinned. "At least not here. Your mom walking in on us would totally kill a hard on."

I closed my eyes. I could fall asleep with him right here. But I didn't even want my parents to catch us sleeping together. No matter how nice my mom was being, I was sure she expected me to try and sneak into the pool house. After all, not only did she catch me sneaking out, but masturbating on web cam was also on my list of novelties.

I struggled to sit up. Jacob was strong, but I wasn't exactly weak. Eventually he let go and allowed me to roll off of him.

"How is it growing up in a house like this?"

"No different than growing up in house like _yours_."

Jacob peeled open an eyelid. "What's with the attitude?" He snapped his fingers at me. "Take it down a notch baby boy. I don't care about how much money you have." Now he pulled himself up. "This is the first time that I've been in your world. You grew up here." Jacob explained. "I'm just trying to imagine you as a little know it all kid running around the place, looking cute as can be." He poked my arm. "I can't see it though."

I folded my arms behind my head. "Then what can you see?"

Jacob narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. "I can't see anything. I can't imagine your life before me, because I don't know that much about your past." His mouth dropped. "You don't talk much about you. _Ever_. That's the only reason I'm making a big deal about your crib, it's not that it's huge, it's just your life, and this is the first time I'm seeing it. Why don't you ever really talk about your past?'" Jacob asked.

"Because there's not much to talk about."

Jacob arched an eyebrow. "So you're life just started when I came around? _Seventeen years_. All that time and I was the only highlight?" He traced his hand down my cheek. "That's the biggest load of bullshit I heard in my life."

"It's not bullshit. Try this angle. Seventeen years, feeling nothing, until you came around." I narrowed my eyes at him. "And I'm not the only one here that likes to hide things. You and me get by on hide and seek, it's what keeps us going."

Jacob smiled again.

I bit my lip as I looked at his boxer briefs. He was hard. He was _always_ hard. Jacob hooked his hand underneath my chin and brought his lips to mine.

"Hide and seek huh? I guess that's what happened this morning in North Carolina." His tongue slid inside my mouth and he kissed me hungrily. Jacob fell onto me. I opened my legs for him, and placed my hands on his strong back. I felt his muscles ripple, and a moan escaped my throat.

"Do you think your parents would mind if we got out of here for a little bit?" Jacob asked brushing his nose against mine.

"No, I think they would be okay with it, as long as I don't sneak away to _North Carolina_ again."

We both laughed.

***

I decided to take Jacob on a bicycle ride through River Street. He glided through the crowds in front of me on Alice's pink bike. I smiled to myself as I sailed behind him. He was looking around like a child. Taking in the shops, the boats sailing down the river, and Talmadge Bridge towering over a sea of trees, blue water, and cargo ships. Evening was quickly coming in. His shirt flew up in the wind. He stood up a little, arching his back like he was on his motorcycle and careened to the right. The breathtaking colors of the Savannah sunset painted the perfect backdrop to this evening.

A few minutes later Jacob veered his bike off of the sidewalk and in front of a coffee shop beside an Italian Bistro. The sky burned with deep oranges, and crimson highlights. I pedaled towards him, and hopped off as well. The air was getting cooler.

The aroma of spicy cinnamon and baking bread wafted outside from the coffee shop. My stomach churned hungrily. I was going to have to use all my will power not to eat or drink anything here. My mom would be pissed if I was full by the time dinner was ready. Especially with Jacob here, she was probably going to go all out tonight. Salmon, chicken, Greek salad, corn on the cob. My mouth was watering.

"Let's chill in here for a little while?" He suggested.

I nodded. One thing I noticed about Jacob, since I found him in North Carolina was that he had trouble staying in one place. Or maybe that was just an aspect of distracting me? Asking questions, suggesting that we do things, veer off to a coffee shop filled with people. He couldn't escape me that easily. "You looked pretty hot on that pink bike." I whispered in his ear.

"No one can rock a pink bike like me." He said half-heartedly.

Together we sunk into a booth facing the wharf. A Cargo ship was unloading seafood. I watched thoughtfully. I then stole another glance at Jacob. The whole day had passed by without us talking about coming out to Leah. He was holding it down, and allowing it to consume him slowly from the inside out. I couldn't sit back anymore, and talk about anything and everything, _but_ what was getting under his skin. "Jake,"

"Yeah sexy."

"Don't..." I whispered. I licked my lips and looked away trying to find solid ground. "I can't pretend anymore like I'll be okay if you go home like this. We've spent the whole day together, I've enjoyed every minute of it, but we have to be real at some point. When you go back home, everything's going to be the _same_. You're going to have to deal with it."

Jacob's cheeks reddened. "Yeah, but I'll only be home for a few more days. Classes start up the very last week of January."

"But there will still be days when you'll be alone."

"I'm a big boy. I'll be fine."

I stared deeply into his eyes. "You're so stubborn Jake."

He smiled impassively.

Why was he closing himself off from me? I swallowed. "It's not going to go away. When you go back to Maryland there is going to be a fresh wound right there." I pointed to his heart. "When you love someone and they can't accept you for who you are. It hurts. I know."

Jacob looked away from me. His top lip twisted. "You don't know anything being hurt by the people you love. Everyone accepted you."

"No. Everyone _didn't_." I balled my fists. I didn't want to go there, but I felt like I needed too. I needed Jacob to understand to some degree that I knew where he was coming from. "When I told you I was gay you couldn't handle it. I know why now, but then I thought you hated me. It hurt me a lot, because I feared your reaction more than anyone else's."

Jacob winced.

"Hey," I said gently. I took his hand. "But you came around. It didn't take you long at all. It was hard for you, but you came around, and look where we're at now. The people in your life, I know they love you more than anything."

Jacob nodded slowly.

"The hardest thing for your family and friends..." I couldn't bring myself to say Leah's name, "Isn't loving you less, it's accepting the change." My eyebrows drew together. "It's not your fault Jake."  
He took in a rattling breath.

"The more people you try to protect, the more you hurt yourself. I'm sorry for forcing you to talk, but don't you understand that you've done things for _us_, that I never asked you too. For some reason you saw something in me to take a gamble on. This _isn't_ Russian Roulette. I'm not going to let you risk everything and in the end, end up with nothing. I'm going to be a pain in your ass, when you try to back down from me, I won't let you run away. I'll fight back."

"I love you." Jacob said quietly. "And sometimes that love also blurs into hate."

His words shocked me a little. _Ouch_.

"I don't want to break you. Wear you down until you can't care anymore. Until you _won't. _Edward you're impossible. The way you care about people it stuns me. Someone is going to hurt you really badly one day, just because you're so trusting." Tears welled in Jacob's eyes. "And I don't want that person to be _me_."

"You will hurt me, and I'll hurt you. We hurt the people we love everyday. But that can't erase the love we feel." I didn't care anymore. I reached across the table and took his hand. "It's me and you. We can hide from the world together. But it's useless to hide from each other. I see you Jake. I always have, and you can't distract me enough to stop seeing you."

"It's going to take a while to get used to you being under my skin like _this_." Jacob took in a deep breath and then released it slowly. "No one's ever affected me like you do."

"Ditto." I said. I thought it was best to move the conversation back to him now. "But it's going to be difficult when you get back. Everyone won't be on your side. But you have to fight Jake. Make them understand that you're still you. Beautiful you."

***

**Rosalie's POV**

---

Rosalie walked down the winding staircase. The foyer was filled with people, they were all dressed up in Vera Wang, Versace, and Cartier. Eyes fell on her. She saw a few women sneer, and the men stared on like she was MVP on the New York Jets. She couldn't say that she hated the attention. Rosalie saw her father, Thomas Hale, grumbling hellos at the door. It was so obvious that her mom had _conned_ him into being the greeter. Rosalie smiled as she snuck up beside him. A few people went out of their way to avoid Thomas.

He was a big guy, towering over everyone at 6'5. His facial expression usually remained the same, discontent. And there was nothing more he hated than small talk, well that, and Manhattan socialites. Rosalie still had no idea how he managed to make his marriage work. Because Vivian and Thomas were polar opposites. "Hey dad," she placed her hands on his back. "I see you've successfully chased away half the guests."

"That was the plan. The less people here. The quicker they can get the fuck out of my house." Thomas smiled apologetically. "Where's your mom? The last thing I need is for her to catch onto my plan."

"Probably fawning over Stella and Josh somewhere." Rosalie looked around, but she was blinded by fakeness.

"I need a cigar and a strong drink." Thomas said.

"Mini bar later?" Rosalie asked with a grin.

"I already have one foot there." Thomas's smile quickly wavered as a couple strolled up the stairs, the woman was wearing a fur coat, and her neck was glittering with diamonds. "Welcome to Stella and Josh's engagement party." He barked.

The woman's eyes widened and she pushed her husband ahead of her, kind of like a barricade to keep her from coming too close to Thomas.

"Promise me something Rose." He said as he loosened his collar.

"I'm no good on promises."

Classical music filled the room.

"Promise me that whenever you get married you won't throw ridiculous parties like this. Stella doesn't even know half the people here."

"Stella and I are two _very_ different people." Rosalie pointed out with a snort. "She likes to be showy..."

Thomas cocked an all-knowing eye at his daughter. "And you don't?"

"_Okay_. I like to be showy as well, but Stella is ten thousand times worse than me." Rosalie folded her arms in front of her chest. "And besides I think I've had enough of parties and men for the last couple of years. I'm taking myself off the market." Rosalie was just speaking to the air, because she didn't expect her dad to comment.

"You've always been very focused. Too focused for the guys you wasted your time on. From what I heard none of them deserved you. Don't ever settle. " Thomas stepped inside. "I'm _not_ letting anyone else in this house." He flipped off the light. "Your mom and Stella see things the same. You see things a little differently and that's okay." Thomas touched Rosalie's arm. "Cover for me. A glass of scotch is calling my name."

As he ducked away, Vivian Hale clicked silverware against a glass. "Can I have everyone's attention please." She sung. "First of all I would like to thank everyone for coming here tonight to honor my beautiful daughter Stella and her fiancé Josh."

People started to clap. Everyone except for Rosalie. A waiter was strutting past with a tray of champagne glasses. Rosalie helped herself to two. He eyed her surprised. "Shit, you'd be drinking too if this was your family."

The waiter quickly walked away.

"Stella has always been a go-getter. She graduated at the top of her class at Columbia, is working maddeningly to pursue her dream of opening her own law firm, and yet somewhere in the middle of the chaos she managed to snag a handsome young man." Vivian paused to allow a few catcalls. "I remember the first day my beautiful daughter called me excitedly to tell me about Josh."

Stella was beaming and radiant in a sleek Chanel number. She held her equally handsome blonde boyfriend close to her. They already looked like a married couple. Happily ever after and all.

Rosalie tuned out the repetitive story of how Stella and Josh met each other in a case they were working together on. They hated each other at first and then sparks flew unexpectedly. Blah. Blah. Blah. Rosalie tried not to feel alienated as Vivian beamed luminously at Stella as if she had just made all her dreams come true. Rosalie would be lying if she said that it didn't hurt that her accomplishments were summed up as shit, because she didn't have a potential suitor by her side.

In the midst of her thoughts Rosalie spotted Jane and Alec Ambrosio standing with their aunt and uncle. Just when the night couldn't get any fucking worse. No. She wasn't going to get worked up over _them_. She was just going to let it go. Alec caught her eye. Rosalie scowled and stormed away. She needed a drink now too...and maybe even a cigar. Fuck being a lady right now.

She pulled her hair down from the elegant up do she had settled for. Her golden tresses fell down her shoulders in layered curls. Rosalie's heels clanked on the floor as she walked down the dark hallway, lined with statues, artistic paintings of Rome, and Greece, and marble flooring.

"Rosalie!"

What the hell did _he_ want?

Alec caught up to her. A hopeful smile was on his face. "You look nice."

Rosalie scowled. "If I knew my mom invited your family here then I would've sprinkled down the place with holy water."

"I guess that's fair." He looked down. Alec's dark hair fell in his eyes.

"So what do you want?"

"I don't want anything I just..." Alec stood up straight obviously trying to gain back some of his confidence. "Your war is with my sister not _me_. I saw you looking miserable in the crowd and I thought I would...say hi?"

Rosalie laughed scornfully.

"I was thinking about getting out of here." Alec said with a smile.

"Well then goodbye."

His eyebrows knitted together. Alec walked in a circle around her. "I was thinking about going to the subway and hopping on a random train to wherever. Remember when we all used to do that, you, me, and Jane, when we were actually friends." Alec's cheeks reddened. "On the subway you can be whoever you want to be, because no one knows your name." Alec sung the last part like the Cheers theme.

He was trying really hard. She wondered why? Why now. When Emmett used to bring him over, she ignored him, and he seemed to get the message.

"I don't even remember why _we're_ fighting anymore." Alec confessed. "Yeah I fucked up. I chose my twin's side, but she's my sister. I didn't expect us to carry this high school war on for three years. I'm begging you to just let it go. And I _never_ beg."

Rosalie stared back at him feeling like a towering monster. Alec always managed to do this to her. Make her feel extreme guilt when she knew deep down that her feelings were justified. High school was years ago, and while Jane had changed drastically, Alec had remained the same. Confident on the outside, but faulty and insecure on the inside. Like her. "What the _hell_ do you want from me Alec? We can never go back to being friends because Jane is always around you. And I don't like the way she talks to people like she's..."

"The HBIC...head bitch in charge." Alec giggled. "We all know that's _your_ title."

"Not anymore." Rosalie said in the fading glow of a smile trying to appear. She allowed herself to freefall back into the past for a second. Junior year of high school she met Jane and Alec, they were freshman then. Alec was talkative; he always had no trouble making friends. Girls liked him because he could easily fit into most conversations, he was interested in fashion, boys, and he made those silly girls eat out of the palm of his hands. Alec also had this magnetic pull over boys. They were interested in him, and Rosalie knew a few girlfriends' that lost their boyfriend's to Alec. He got everyone he wanted. Everyone but Emmett.

She wondered if he was bitter about that.

Alec's eyes registered something that she couldn't understand.

And _Jane_...Rosalie still wasn't sure what happened to her, when did she decide to become so evil and heartless. Freshman year of high school she was a tiny girl, smaller than she was now, skin and bone, with dark circles under her eyes. Gossip around the school was that she spent some time in a mental institution, no one knew why, but that didn't stop people from calling her crazy. Teenage girls could be so mean. Finally Rosalie stepped in and befriended Jane, just because she didn't think it was right, to inflict so much pain on one person, especially someone so weak.

But she couldn't feel anything for Jane anymore, because Jane took her trust, and used it against her. Rosalie already had trust issues, and when she got punished for trying to do something good, that hurt more than she could bear.

"I know you want to get out of here anyways." Alec said. He glanced down the dimly lit hallway towards the party. "When I look out there all I see is pretty girls playing dress up with empty hearts. No one is really happy out there. Not even Jane." Alec held out his hands. "Fuck the subway. I don't deserve that. Drinks on the town. I'll buy your first round of Cosmos?"

Rosalie shook her head. "Alec I don't hate you...but that doesn't mean I want to be your friend again either." Rosalie turned her back on him. She saw sadness flicker in his eyes.

"Rose,"

"What?"

"Did you tell Emmett not to fall in love with me?" His voice sounded small. His insides were coming out.

She stopped in her tracks. She could crush him. Lie and tell him that she did. But the only thing she was guilty of was warning Emmett of Alec's association with Jane. He wasn't poison, unless Jane was near him. And she made him really ugly. "_No_,"

"Do you think he could ever love me?"

"Honestly I don't." Rosalie glanced over her shoulder at Alec. His allure crumbled right in front of her eyes. He looked ghostly and small. She felt sorry for him. But yet Rosalie did want to deliver one last blow. "I only know one guy that stays on Emmett's mind. If he could love anyone, it would be him."

"That slut Edward?"

"Don't you dare care him a _slut_ Alec."

"Sorry," He apologized looking down. "I'm going to go now." With that he walked away with his shoulders sagging.

***

**Emmett's POV**

---

The lights were off in Austin's room. Emmett laid on his little brother's floor; his arms were crossed over his chest. He turned his head to right to see what Austin was up to. Austin was staring out his window. They had gone a _whole day_ without talking. Emmett drove Austin around, took him out to lunch, and to the Anchorage Museum of History and Art after that. A few times Emmett caught Austin smiling, especially when they learned about the native Alaskans. But whenever their eyes connected, it was as if Austin purposely lost his smile.

Emmett pulled himself upwards. "I'm going back to Maryland in a few days."

Austin nodded slowly.

"I know you better than you think I do Austin. You're upset about mom and dad." Emmett absently reached for one of Austin's toy trucks on the floor, "But one day you'll realize that love isn't always enough. People that love each other...they don't always stay together. The world is kinda sad like that."

Austin stared out his window wordlessly. Vibrant colors danced on his face. Pale green, magenta, and light blue. His mouth opened in wonder and he pulled himself away from the window. Austin ran to his closet, grabbed his jacket, and slipped his feet inside his snow boots. He took off running down the dark hall.

"Austin!" Emmett called. He jumped up and tore down the hall after his brother. Austin was _fast_. He ripped down the stairs, and threw open the door. Emmett grabbed his jacket and his Timberland boots and slid them on, he didn't even have time to tie the laces. The snow crunched under his feet and the wind lashed at his cheeks as he ran after Austin. The sky was alive with _magic_. The northern lights, danced and swayed. A firestorm of colors and unexplainable beauty.

Austin stopped on a hill overlooking the sky. His head was tilted upwards as if he had never seen the Aurora Borealis before. When Emmett finally reached him Austin smiled and pointed up towards the sky.

Emmett signed _magic_ with his hands.

Austin bit his lip as the lights danced on his face. His dimples appeared in his cheek. He raised his hands and looked down at them before signing back. _I love you_.

Emmett's heart thudded weakly. He took a seat on the cold ground. Austin sat beside him. The little boy rested his chin on Emmett's knee. His mouth opened and then he asked.

"Do you love me?"

The colors from the night sky reflected in Austin's eyes.

Emmett clenched his jaw. "I love you more than anything." He spoke slowly so Austin could understand that, and let it sink in.

Austin smiled to himself. "I missed you."

Emmett wrapped his arms around Austin and hugged him so tightly.

"I can't breathe Em!"

Emmett loosened his arms, "Why'd you shut me out?"

"Because you were busy." Austin's bottom lip jutted out. "Doing adult things. I'm just a kid. I get in the way."

"Nah," Emmett said shaking his head. He ruffled Austin's curly blonde hair. He was relieved that Austin was talking to him now. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, when things got a little scary. We all love you Austin. No matter what happens."

Austin seemed to think over Emmett's words. "Does daddy not love mommy anymore?"

"He um..." Emmett swallowed trying to think of an appropriate way to explain divorce to a five year old. "He still loves her. It's just sometimes love isn't enough. But that has nothing to do with you."

"Then I don't want anything to do with it." Austin said stubbornly. "I don't ever want to be in love...mommy cries. Why should love make you cry. It sounds stupid to me." He nodded smartly.

Emmett grinned. "Not all love is bad. I've heard some whispers that some love can be good. I wouldn't know about that firsthand though."

"Can you stay home tonight?" Austin asked. "It's been a while since I got to tell you about what I've been learning. And you'll never guess what I saw on Dora the other day..." Austin started to blab on without taking any breaths.

While he talked Emmett stole a kiss on his little brother's rosy cheek.

This was all the love he needed. He didn't feel numb anymore.

**Review**!


	20. Rebirth

**AN**: OMG...so it's finally here. Twenty chapters in the making. This chapter really killed me, because I was so worried about it. I wanted to write something hot and emotional. I knew that you guys had been looking forward to this scene for a while, offering sweet suggestions, about where it should happen, and asking me to make it emotional and not just about the sex. I've listened to you guys...and I have to say that I am satisfied with the final product. I wrote this scene from two different POV's...Edward's first, and then I realized the most of the emotion portrayed was coming from Jacob, because this chapter is mostly about him...and of course how Edward fits into the pieces of his life, and changes things. So I am incredibly nervous about this chapter because I really did pour my heart into it. This story is about Jacob and Edward...and since I've been working up to this chapter, I'm really asking you guys to **REVIEW**, and tell me what you thought of this. **S****o I should warn everyone under eighteen that this chapter has strong sexual themes, and a sex scene**, so if physically descriptions of sex is too much for you, please don't read the end. Thank you all for the lovely comments last chapter. I know it was a bit confusing with three different POV's, but don't worry I think that will be the last time I do that. I had a mission to develop Rosalie and Emmett a little more, and I felt like I succeeded. Even if a few still think Emmett is the devil ;) Believe me, he's child's play compared to some of the other people in this story. Thank you to all my readers, reviewers, and people that follow this story. I hope I gave you guys something emotionally satisfying to sink your teeth into here. Also I need to thank my best-friend Noah for helping, and not being shy about talking about his sex life with me in gory detail. He helped me a lot with this scene. Until next time. –Love Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and It, and thankfully Jersey Shore (lol) doesn't belong to me either.

Chapter 20- Rebirth

"I've had many addictions but you are by far the sweetest." –Jacob

--Jacob--

_Balls of white light dimly glowed in and out of my line of vision. The July air was thick, and the sun beating down on me provided no relief. I was overwhelmed with the urge to be adventurous. My fingers curled on the wooden beam as I pushed myself up onto the ledge. From up here I could see everything. The blinding sunlight temporarily disoriented me creating rainbows, and black dots. The sky was a robin's egg blue, cloudless, and tranquil. I spread out my arms like a bird. Today I was a hero. I was superman._

_ Birds flocked high above the bridge. I watched them in awe. They were black crows. Their sharp beaks pointed outwards, and their oil slick wings flapped fluidly in the air. The wooden beam shifted to the side. Fear sliced through my body like a knife. I closed my eyes hoping by some miracle that I would be able to steady myself. I swayed back and forth precariously. I heard Paul yelling, but he sounded so far away. My foot twisted and I blindly reached out for anything, or anyone. But my hands swiped the air hopelessly. _

_ The world was suddenly more colorful and threatening. The pale blue sky was cloudless and still. Almost as still as the dark water waiting patiently below. I flailed violently and a terrified yell escaped my throat but it was too late. I slammed into the river. Water clogged my lungs. I surfaced. Flapping my arms hastily like the birds I had tried to imitate only seconds ago. But unlike their coordinated movements, mine were desperate and in vain. Help me please. Someone get help! I can't swim! I don't know how. Please! The last thing I saw before I was dragged back under was my friends rallied on the bridge, looking down in horror._

***

On the football field I was a god. People looked to me to make the plays. I liked having that power, and feeling the rush of confidence. It made me feel like I was in control. I liked control. I needed it. Because without it, I was burdened by fears, and a past I couldn't change. My throat constricted. I had no control over this though. Horror pumped through my blood. Overcome. Breathe. It's okay to let down your guard. You can't pretend to be in control here because you aren't. Stare down your fears. Bite fear in the fucking ass. But remember to breathe.

As I looked down at the water I saw death. _Breathe_. I tried my best not to show any signs of fear as I stood beside Edward. I watched as he took a few steps closer to the pool of death. He was now standing on the edge with his feet dangling just above the still blueness. The chlorine rippled reflectively on his arms casting ghostly shadows on his pale skin. I summed up all the might inside of me to drag myself to stand beside him again.

Edward's dark brown eyebrows were knitted together, and his red lips was fixed in a handsome smirk. What the hell was he thinking? Did he notice how fucking scared I was about this? Probably not. Edward wasn't the type of guy to laugh at someone else's insecurities. I gently elbowed him. I needed him to talk to me. Ease me into this, because right now silence was _toxic_. It made me think about drowning, and I didn't want to think about that.

"Yes Jake?" He asked.

I crossed my arms over my chest because I had no idea what to do with them. I considered telling Edward that I didn't want to do this anymore. Even if swimming was _my_ idea. Edward analyzed my stance. I saw his emerald eyes flecked with gold wander to my crossed arms. I dropped my arms to my sides. I wasn't a stupid seven-year-old kid anymore that thought he could emulate his heroes by standing on a bridge. This was different, there was no one to impress, just someone to let in.

"We should start at the shallow end." Edward suggested.

Even though I was scared to death I had my heart set on the deep end. The shallow end was safe. I wasn't afraid of water I could wade in. Only the murky deepness that seemed to never end. Sink or swim. Struggle or die. That was my fear. "No," I said adamantly. I needed him to keep talking. Talk Edward. Say something. Say anything. Talk to me poetically, like you always seem to do, without much effort.

Excited giggles drifted across the still water flooding my ears. At the shallow end a class of children were being instructed how to swim. I watched them splash around in the water completely unaffected. A few kids were even venturing off on their own. Behind them, parents looked on with approving smiles, and cameras flashed sporadically. My cheeks burned. I felt like one of those kids learning how to swim. Except, I felt like the kid that everyone laughed at.

"You look like you really don't want to be here." He commented. Edward's tone was soft and encouraging.

I managed a small smile. I didn't want to be here. But how could I tell Edward that? After all learning how to swim was _my_ idea I reminded myself. It was important to keep allowing the thought to bounce around in my head so I wouldn't back down. You trust him more than you trust yourself. And this is a testament of that. I stood still, my eyes fixed, my breathing slightly uneven. You can do this. You can.

"I could teach you some other day?" Edward offered.

"No today is good. It's just us and the kids." I did an enthusiastic pump with my hand but I knew Edward could see through that. I dared my feet to step an inch closer to the ledge. I felt the balmy breeze tickle my lips, the sun warm on my back, and eyes boring into me. I imagined that I was back on the bridge. Except I wasn't seven this time. I was _eighteen_. Breathe in. Breathe out. Fuck fear. You're diving into the deep end with a fucking Rockstar.

I stole a glance at Edward in hopes of calming my state of mind. He was looking up at the light filtering in from the glass roof. It bounced off of his face and danced like gold beams in his tawny hair. I was dragged and pulled further away from him. I was on the bridge again. Light as a bird. Eyes closed. Flying. And then the world slipped away from me and I was plunged into an abyss of terror. I was choking. My arms burned with desperation as I tried to swim to the fleeting light breaking the shore.

Death was imminent.

My muscles locked and I took a few steps backwards. Edward turned his head to the side, his eyes were trained on the blue tiles underneath his feet, and then he looked up slowly at me. _Fear_. I was sure he saw it in my eyes. Edward folded his hands behind his back and took a few steps in my direction. We were standing side by side again. His shoulder brushing mine.

Maybe I couldn't do this? My eyes widened as I forced myself to stare at the water. The bottom of the pool seemed to stretch endlessly for miles. How fucking deep was it down there anyways? _Breathe_. My hands shook violently and I wrung them together to make the shaking stop. I searched around for the marker. _Thirteen feet_. Oh fuck. A thin line of sweat formed along my hairline.

_Thirteen fucking feet_. Edward comfortingly slung his arm around me. His hand rested flat against my shoulder. A nice calm took me over for a second, as if small waves were falling against my chest. Being this close to him felt nice. His bare skin was cool and soft against mine. I knew he would understand if I changed my mind. Maybe tomorrow I would feel better about facing this demon. Tomorrow was only a few hours away.

Edward's spindly fingers indented my skin a little deeper. It was if he was trying to remind me that he was there. I had to make a decision. Chicken out and run away or stay. Running was the safest bet. But if I ran that meant I was choosing fear over Edward. I was here, in swimming trunks, I _needed_ to do this today.

I stretched out my arm. Now or never. "Take my hand."

Edward fixed his brilliant green eyes on me. Golden hues swam around the pupil. His fingers slipped inside mine, feeling like satin against the rough edges of my skin. The look in his eyes told me that he would do whatever I needed him to do. I was still adjusting to the way he looked at me, like there was nothing more valuable in this world than me. _Me and my damages_. We stared at each other until he overwhelmed me, and made my heart ache. I looked away. My grip tightened on his hands. When we dived in I was going to hold onto him for dear life.

Together we walked to the edge. I tried to overcome my fear by looking at this from a new angle. Instead of thinking about the actual diving in, I was going to focus on why I was doing this. _Edward Cullen_. He inspired so many different emotions in me. Complicated states of mind that ranged from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. When we were together I felt as if everything was possible.

A loud ruckus coming from the shallow end demanded my attention. At least five kids were standing in a circle, all of them were watching Edward and I with comical amusement. Bits and pieces of their conversation was loud enough to hear.

"Look Jessie, he's scared!"

"Eww are they gay?"

"That's not nice you shouldn't say that."

"Well are they?"

"The guy with all the muscles is _scared_."

"Ignore them," Edward said staunchly. "They're just kids. They talk without thinking."

I shot a sideways glance his way. This was so embarrassing. Fuck I just needed to get over this block. Edward was right I was letting a few bad ass kids pick at my self-esteem. I was better than this.

"Tell me when you're ready." Edward said his expression focused.

I nodded. I wasn't a kid anymore. It was time to let it go. Overcome. Trust. Development. Edward squeezed my hand. Fight back Jake. You want to feel like you're in control of something so take this opportunity, and grab it by the fucking balls. Dive in kicking and screaming.

I'm not going to drown. Edward's here. He won't let go. My feet felt glued in place. I looked down and wiggled my toes. I was bigger than my fear. I was fucking bigger. I closed my eyes. "Count to seven."

"Count to seven?" Edward repeated as if to make sure he heard me clearly.

"Yes seven. That's the age I first developed this fear."

He was silent. Edward glanced at the water and then back at me. His eyes were full of questions. "What happened to you when you were seven?"

I peeked open an eyelid. "I'll tell you later okay."

His eyebrows furrowed. I assumed that he was doing what he did best and pessimistically trying to figure out the traumatic incident for himself. I wasn't sure what else could be worse than nearly drowning. "You should at least wear a lifejacket." He finally said. Edward's tone was adamant now. "Just for your peace of mind."

"I don't need one," I said adjusting my stance. My legs shook like noodles. "One," I started automatically. There was no room for second-guessing. Stop questioning me Edward and just count with me.

Edward's lips remained tightly locked.

"Two," Now I looked at him. I felt a little more urgent.

Edward shifted his eyes to the gently rippling chlorine pool and then back at me.

"Three," I breathed. _Join in Edward_. Count with me. I focused on his red lips.

All the laughter in the room sounded like it was sucked into a vacuum. Ethereal sunlight filtered in through the windows, and shadows fell across Edward's face. I was losing my nerve. The door opened and more children ran inside. I heard an army of feet padding against the blue tiles, and then the sound of bodies jumping into the clear blue grave echoed around me. All the sound was coming back. Everything was louder now including my heartbeat tearing through chest.

"Four," Edward finally said.

The lighting in the room shifted. I saw myself standing on the bridge again. But I wasn't alone. Edward was beside me. The drop now looked small. I could do this. We could do it together. Edward cocked his head to the side and he smiled at me.

"Five," We both said together.

I adjusted my grip on Edward's hands one last time. It was coming. Breathe. The air circled in my lungs, making my chest rise and fall. "Six"

One second. One nerve wracking second and then there would be nothing left. No more numbers to count. Just me in the water trying to take back control over my life.

Just as I opened my mouth to say seven, Edward stole a quick kiss. His lips lightly grazed mine, like a sweet farewell before we parted for a few hours. _Goodbye_. Something inside of me exploded like a firecracker being set off. Edward focused back on the water. The look in his eyes changed. _War_. This was war against fear.

Together we ran towards the deep end. My heart was in my throat and a few times I considered digging my feet into the ground and halting. But it was too late. We were in the air, legs kicking, arms flailing, eyes closed, submerged. The icy water swallowed me whole.

I was submerged in seconds. I lost my bearings and for a brief nerve wracking second I thought Edward let me go. I felt impossibly light and tiny underneath the water. The air in my lungs was running out. I needed to breathe. _But we were still under_. Edward let go of my hand. Ah! Edward what the fucking hell! My eyes shot open in horror. His brown hair swayed dreamily around his face, and I could see that his expression was still calm. Bubbles escaped from his lips and nose. He was paler underneath the rippling blue glow.

_Air. I need air. I'm drowning. Edward I can't fucking swim_!

Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me. I saw his legs kick underneath him. Back and forth in a steady rhythm. My lungs burned craving air like a fish out of water. I closed my eyes. One, Two, Three...Air! I struggled in his arms as soon as we broke the surface. Land. Land. Swim me to solid land. I don't fucking like this. I don't. I sucked the sweet air into my lungs and I felt Edward's wet body circle me up with more force.

"You're okay. You're okay." He said.

I was. I stopped struggling and I looked around me. Everyone was watching us. The kids. The parents. The instructors. Oh hell. He gave me a kiss on my cheek. I felt so weak like this, but if I was going to feel vulnerable with anyone, I'd rather it be with him.

Edward's lips and long eyelashes were coated with droplets of water. I was shaking again and my teeth were chattering beyond my control.

"Breathe," Edward whispered again in my ear. "We're not underwater anymore, and I got you."

I nodded.

"Just remember. Seven seconds. When you get scared just count to seven." Edward smiled again. I wished that I could have at least half of the grace that he naturally possessed. Even though people were watching us I blocked them out. I had to stay focused. I was in the pool. I dived in and stayed. And at least that was something right? Even if I was cowering. _I dived in_.

I dug my nails into his skin. "I am okay."

"Good," He said. His voice glided over me like honey. "It feels nice in here doesn't it?"

"No. With all the money we shove at Maryland for tuition you would think they could afford heated pools."

"This pool is heated." Edward pointed out.

"Oh," I smirked. I was still shivering. "Just bring me down a little more. I'm getting there."

Edward tapped my cheek with his wet hand. "Just focus on me. Clear your head. Forget about how deep the water is. You got to trust me Jake."

"Edward, do you think I would've dived in here if I didn't trust you?"

His eyes crinkled warmly around the corners. "How about we start with something simple? Before you can swim you have to learn to trust the water. So you're going to float."

I stared back at him silently. My heart was finally starting to slow.

"Relax." He said. "Just fall back. Trust me. You'll float and it will be all on your own. " He let go of me.

I panicked.

He swam behind me again." Trust me Jake." He repeated,

_Trust_.

"Pretend that you're in bed." Edward suggested. "You've just come back from football practice, and every single muscle in your body is aching."

The water lapped around my neck, making soft swishing noises. I closed my eyes and tried to send myself mentally to the place Edward wanted me to go. _Trust him_. My body relaxed completely. Float. I didn't think it was possible. Float. Water glided across my face. I felt like I was sinking. _Trust_.

I knew Edward was behind me so I allowed my mind to go blank. Seven seconds. If I didn't float. He would catch me. I knew that without a doubt. My hearing was distorted. Ghostly echoes filled my head. I opened my eyes slowly and I saw the ceiling. Ribbons of light filtered from behind grey clouds. Everything else for miles was blue.

I was floating. Edward? Where are you? I fought the urge to lift my head and make sure that he was still close. Floating like this, free, and daring despite my aversion to deep water felt so fucking liberating. I was doing it! Fuck yeah! _Fuck you fear_. The only problem was that it felt lonely, floating like this all alone, with nowhere to look but up. I felt like I was stranded out at sea.

But then I felt his hands. They pressed gently against my back keeping me up. Edward's face appeared over mine now. _Everything was okay_. I felt even lighter, and free. The look in his eyes was so kind and loving that I forgot about my pride. He lowered his face to mine. We kissed. Edward tasted like chlorine. But chlorine never tasted better.

***

"You were so sexy out there," Edward said with an approving nod. He stood above me, shirtless, and tugging on his jeans.

I rolled my eyes at him. "What exactly made me sexy? My inability to keep my head above water, or clinging to you like a toddler?"

Edward wiped his upper body dry with a towel. "You overcame one of your biggest fears today. That's sexy. Stop taking away your thunder."

"But I cried all the way through it." I smiled. He really was proud of me. And he wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed about me attracting all that attention to us. Edward placed his towel on my head and caringly dried my hair. I closed my eyes. After he was done, he took a seat on the bench beside me. "Thank you." I said.

"For what?"

"Being patient with me."

"Don't mention it. My patience for you is free, but everyone else I keep on a short leash." He narrowed his eyes with faux anger.

Please he was the most patient person I knew.

"Are you ready to head back to the dorm?" Edward asked.

I tore my eyes away from him because I had been staring in silence. It was still hard to believe that he was mine. "Actually I think I'm going to stay here for a while." I lied. I started to shove some things into my gym bag.

"I can stay with you if you want?"

"Actually it's okay. Because I'll be here for a while." I hoped that he would just let it go.

Edward grabbed his book bag, "Okay. Bella and I are going to the bookstore later to get out books. Did you want us to wait for you?"

"No. I don't ever buy my books until the _third_ week of classes."

"Third week?" Edward asked with his mouth open in surprise.

"I refuse to read anything earlier than that. C'mon Ed you know my studying habits."

He traced his thumb across his lips. "You sure?"

I thought about what I had to do. "Positive Ed Monkey."

Edward looked down and his cheeks reddened. He waved and then turned around to walk out the door. I watched after him, listening to the sound of his shoes squishing on the floor. For a second I wondered what it would feel like to have him walk out on me forever. The locker room closed in on me. I couldn't imagine life anymore without him.

I looked down. He made my life sweet.

I pulled down my wet swimming trunks. So now I was standing in the lonely space naked. I still felt the water caressing my skin, and the weightlessness of being underwater. I wrapped my arms around my body and took a seat back on the bench.

I was tired of loving and waiting to lose it. I just needed to open up more. I needed to give everything I had, and I had so much love to give after all the repressing I had done over the years. This was my chance to let some of the wounds I had inflicted on myself to heal.

I heard footsteps approaching. I clenched my jaw and searched around in my bag for something to change into. I looked up and was surprised to see Edward approaching again.

"I forgot something." He said.

"What did you forget?" I looked around the bench and then stood up to check his locker. He was standing behind me, waiting patiently, as if he wanted me to find whatever it was. I raised my arms cluelessly. "I don't see anything."

Edward tilted his head to the side. He crossed the space between us and placed his hand to my chest. Edward backed me up against the locker, his hand resting lightly against my heart. "I forgot this." He brushed his lips against my nose. I felt tingly. He kissed my cheek. Impatiently I turned my head to the side and captured his lips in mine. His fingers curled against the wetness of my skin.

My cock rose. Edward wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm so proud of you." He said right before sneaking a kiss on my forehead. "I thought I'd just tell you one more time, so you could get it. And be proud of yourself as well."

***

An hour later I parked my motorcycle next to Brent's Ford Focus. I considered keying it, but I didn't have the money to get it fixed. I trudged towards the door. Each step felt heavier than the next. After returning from Savannah, I came back home for a few days, but I was only there physically. Mentally I was elsewhere. Rachel made a habit of appearing wherever I was. She was worried about me I could see it in her eyes. She was acting even more like my mom these days, with offering to go back to school shopping with me, and pleading for me to let her in.

I knew that she wanted to talk to me about Edward. She had to hear my argument with Leah, because Leah had been yelling. I didn't want to think about Rachel's emotional state, or how much sleep she was losing over me, because I had to focus on myself.

I was in a very raw place. When I was with Edward he wrapped me up in a shield of protection that prevented darkness from entering. But solitude knew one feeling above all, sinking depression. I wondered what I was doing when I was alone. I pushed away everyone. Leah, Seth, my family. I pushed away everyone that I thought wouldn't understand my decision to be with Edward. The thought made my stomach twist. They all probably thought I didn't care about them anymore, but I did.

I closed my eyes and balled my fists. There were so many things I needed to do today, but it felt like it took so much energy to accomplish even the smallest things. The thought to just curl up in a ball underneath my covers, and wait for night to come was all too tempting. But if I did that I knew Edward would find me. I sucked in a deep breath. Dive into the deep end. Take on the fear. Don't let it kill you. My chest rose and fell. The door opened before I could pull my key out of my pocket.

"Jacob what a lovely surprise to see you here." Brent said with a glib tone. A thin smile was stretched across his lips. "Did you come to apologize to your sister, or just to burden her some more?"

I bit my cheek so hard that it bled. Fuck you asshole. "Nice to see you too jackass."

Brent's smile quickly fell. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" I asked my mouth dropping open. I straightening my back. I knew that Brent wanted to get the better of me. He wanted to make me the villain in Rachel's eyes, and drive an even deeper wedge between us.

But I was too stubborn to allow that. Even if I hated that Rachel constantly chose him over me, I would stick around to spite him, like a cancer. She was my sister, my blood, and even if she gave up on me, deep down I would always love her, and never let her go. Even if I felt like she was letting go of me.

Brent's dark eyebrows furrowed. His shoulder length raven hair framed his face as the wind blew. "I guess you're clueless to how you've been behaving lately." His tone was cold and condescending.

I kept my lips tightly sealed because once I exploded at him it would be impossible to stop. I had so much hatred in my heart for him. My family was already in pieces. My parents were dead. Rebecca would rather backpack through South America than be with her family, and Rachel didn't even feel like my sister anymore. She was around but not really.

Brent took his eyes off of me for a second. He was holding something inside. I could tell that he wanted to explode and say something to hurt me. But he couldn't crush me. I was stronger than his insults. Fuck him. My fists balled unconsciously. Brent noticed that right away.

"Are you going to hit me Jake?"

"No,"

"Violence is always the answer with you."

I slowly released my fists.

"I tried in the beginning to get along with you. Loving Rachel means putting up with you, and I've put up with you. But I refuse to sit back and watch as she drives herself crazy over _you_. You're irresponsible, and callous, and the only person you care about is yourself."

I felt hot. _Anger_. I thought about slamming my fist into Brent's face because I wanted to see him bleed. I wanted him to feel all the pain he caused me. I took a step closer to him, my back squared.

"Jacob," Rachel said from the door. "I didn't know you were here?" she smiled and wave me inside.

I slipped past Brent. Rachel gave me a tight hug. My arms remained firmly by my sides. I didn't know what to do so I continued to stand there, still. She felt so frail. I wanted to ask her if she was eating and taking care of herself properly. But I felt disconnected. I couldn't open my mouth to ask those questions.

"School starts tomorrow right?" she asked linking her arm in mine. Rachel pulled me inside.

"Yeah it does." I answered briefly. Her eyes searched mine. "I thought you guys were heading up to Boston for that church thing?" I commented.

Rachel's expression fell.

What did I say wrong?

"Church thing? Jake it's an event to raise money for Haiti."

I looked down. "Well that's a good church thing then. Sorry I forgot."

"No it's okay." She led me into the kitchen. "We were about to head out, but when I realized you were here my plans changed. We can leave in an hour." Rachel clasped her hands together. I could see the veins poking through her arms. Rachel why are you so fucking skinny? I winced and tore my eyes away. "Sit down I'll make you something to eat. Do you want a ham and cheese sandwich or roast beef?"

_Rachel I love you_.

I looked away. I just wished we could go back to the way things used to be before Brent. When we actually spent time together, and I thought you were an annoying do gooder, but still one of my favorite people. I closed my eyes and looked down. Seeing her like this, and feeling so far away from her, made me unbearably sad.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly. Rachel went to the fridge and pulled out everything she needed to make a sandwich. "Mustard or mayonnaise." She asked after I didn't answer her first question.  
"Rach, we have to go." Brent called as he stepped into the kitchen. "I heard the traffic is hell on I-95."

"Then we'll be a little late." Rachel said without looking at him.

Brent sighed heavily and then walked out of the kitchen.

I absently traced circles on the table. A few minutes later Rachel placed the sandwich in front of me. She stood over me like a parent wanting to make sure that her kid ate.

"I honestly didn't think that you would be home for a while with school starting and all." She rested her hand against her cheek. "But I'm glad to see you. This is your home Jake so I don't want you to ever feel like you have to run away from it." Rachel pulled out the chair beside me. "Could you please talk to me? I feel like we haven't talked to each other in months. It shouldn't be like this."

I met her eyes. They were filled with desperation. I turned off the emotions threatening to make me tear up. "Sure I can talk to you. What do you want to talk about? The weather, my classes, _Jersey Shore_?"

Rachel closed her eyes and shook her head. "You and Leah got into a bad argument before you left. She sounded like she was really upset. And you...you just left without telling me where you went."

I remained stoically silent.

Rachel tucked her hair behind her ears. I could tell that she was grasping at straws now. "I wasn't eavesdropping on your conversation, but Leah was yelling loud enough for everyone in the house to hear." Rachel paused. "She said some pretty horrible things to you Jake." Rachel's voice faltered. She wasn't looking me in the eyes anymore.

"I don't remember the things she said to me." I answered, my voice level and impassive. I knew that Rachel was waiting for me to confirm her fears. It stung that we had to play this game. I just didn't want to deal with any of it. But there was nowhere to run anymore. I was stripped and naked, and everyone could finally see me.

"Jake, it's not true. So I don't need to say it."

"Then why are you asking me?" I said through gritted teeth. My fists were balled and my stance was defensive. The anger crept up so suddenly that it even took me by surprise. What happened to you being on my side Rachel? What the fuck happened to that. Siblings? Yeah fucking right. It was just me.

I saw her lips thin.

I swallowed and sat back in my seat. Calm down Jake.

"If you're doing this to get back at me for whatever I did then you've won."

I exhaled. Breathe. Count to seven. If you explode at her you'll regret it later.

"Jake you're not...you're just not." Rachel said shaking her head.

"I am."

"Jacob. This is just a phase. You want attention but you don't have to go this far. This isn't you. I just want you to know..."

"You wanted to what? Tell me what I am, or maybe who I should be?" I challenged the words stinging.

"I wanted to tell you that I love you."

"Then why the fuck are we having this conversation! Why are we talking at all because you're a fucking liar. You don't fucking love me. I'm shit to you."

A tear slid down Rachel's cheek; with shaking hands she wiped it away. "Leah was the one person you could always confide in but you pushed her away. Family will always be there for you, but Leah doesn't have stay. So many people love you, but you're pushing everyone away for him."

"_Him_. Do you mean Edward? The same guy who I brought over here for Thanksgiving? The one who you liked, and thought was a good friend to me? Why can't you even say his name now."

"You're my little brother and I want to protect you as much as I can."

"Protect me?" I said bitterly. "It's a little too late for that."

"You're _not_ gay." Rachel said again as if she was trying to convince herself. "It's just a phase. How many times have you felt passionately about something and then changed your mind?" she reached out to touch me. "You're in love with the idea of being loved. You're blind to it. You don't love him and you'll realize that eventually."

It hurt to hear her say that. Did she really think that I was that far away from reality?  
"He seems like a nice boy." Rachel's lips tightened. "But stop hurting us. I can't bear to see you going down this path. It's not for you Jacob. I know you. And this isn't for you."

Her words sunk in. I closed my eyes. We were so damaged. How dare she tell me that I didn't love Edward. What right did she have to get on her soap box and tell me what was right for me? My cheeks burned indignantly and I raised my fists. I blacked out for a second and slammed my fist down on the table. It wobbled.

"Okay Jake," Rachel stood up. She wiped away her tears. "I won't say anything else, but your behavior, the things you do, they hurt."

"How am I fucking hurting you?"

"Watch your language."

I took in her stance. We were strangers. She didn't know me anymore, and I didn't know her. I wanted to be mean and malicious. I didn't want to fucking care.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I yelled back at her. I shot up. So much for control. "What about the things you do to hurt me? Basically you just told me that you know me better than I know myself. I know what I fucking feel. And honestly I don't give a shit what you think is right and wrong. Because obviously you don't know me and you never will!"

"Hey!" Brent yelled coming into the kitchen.

I glared at him daring him to say anything else.

Brent stopped and he shifted his eyes to Rachel. "Now will you listen to me Rachel? Look at him." Brent's eyes hardened. "He's irrational, aggressive, and dating a boy."

"Brent." Rachel hissed. "Please stop talking."

If I didn't remove myself from the room I knew that things would get worse. So I stormed past Brent, ran up the stairs and slammed the door behind me. I slumped down on the ground with my arms wrapped protectively around my knees. I heard footsteps running up the stairs after me. I closed my eyes and shut out the sound of Rachel's knocks. I didn't want to say or do anything else I would regret. I had already lashed into her enough.

I heard Edward counting in the back of my mind. His voice gradually became louder, from a whisper to a comforting hum. Sitting on the floor like this, alienated from the world, made me realize just how easily it was to lose yourself. How could anyone keep it together, when everyone around them turned their backs? At least I had one glimmer of hope. In this dark world where I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I had Edward, and he was the hope that I was holding onto. I was holding onto him for dear life, because without him I knew I would drown.

***

_It was almost over. The pain no longer permeated my body. I felt lightheaded and free. Through the blackness I thought I felt arms wrap protectively around me. I was coming up. Light scattered the darkness. Was I in heaven? Voices filled the silence. I wasn't alone anymore. Someone held me close, I could feel the warmness of life radiating from their skin. Hands were on my chest, pushing down, my lungs burned again. Air. I needed air. I coughed violently and water shot from my mouth. I was pulled up and wrapped in someone's arms._

_ The smell of tobacco and mint filled my nostrils. I coughed against his chest. He patted my back firmly._

_ "Breathe Jacob." His embrace was crushing me._

_ I clutched onto his shirt. "I can't...you're holding me too tightly." _

_ He released his grip on me and leaned away. His dark eyes crinkled around the corners. Dad. I threw my arms around him in relief._

_ Billy hugged me again. I felt the roughness of his bead scrape against my forehead. I closed my eyes and allowed the feeling of his chest rising up and down to soothe me. I was still scared. I felt like the river was closing in on me. I was fighting for my life, and choking on water. _

_ "Whose idea was this?" Billy demanded his voice booming._

_ "Jacob's," Paul spoke up without missing a beat. _

_ "God Paul," Embry sighed._

_ "Jake, what would've happed if I didn't follow you?" Billy whispered against my cheek. "You would've drowned. My seven year old kid would've drowned because he can't follow the rules."_

_ I heard anger surface in his voice._

_ "Paul, Embry, and Quil you three go ahead. We'll catch up with you." Billy placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me away from him. "Jake you can open your eyes. It's okay."_

_ I slowly peeled them open and tears gushed down my cheeks._

_ "What on earth possessed you to stand on top of that bridge?  
My lips remained tightly sealed._

_ "Jake?" he shook me gently._

_ I drew in a mouthful of air to keep from sobbing._

_ "Your mom still thinks you're in the backyard playing board games with your friends. Imagine how devastated she would be if your drowned the one second she decided to turn her back? You don't have any business wondering around here alone. Jake do you hear me?"_

_ "I was..." My lips trembled._

_ "Do you remember that time we lost you in the store and your mom nearly had a stroke because she couldn't find you? For three hours you were missing. And for three hours your mom cried constantly and searched every inch of the store like a mad woman. Some things are irreplaceable, and you're one of those things Jake." He slipped his hand underneath my chin. "Do you hear me?"_

_ I threw my arms around his neck again. "I was so scared. I was just trying to fly. I didn't mean to fall."_

_ Billy sighed. "Jacob. Little boys can't fly."_

_ "I know." I cried into his shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

_ Billy picked me up in his arms. I was still holding on tightly to his neck. "Make me a promise okay, and I won't tell your mom about this."_

_ I nodded my head silently against his neck._

_ "Promise me that you'll think before you decide to be the hero again Jake. You're headstrong, just like your old man. We take action without thinking. But it shouldn't be that way, because usually you end up drowning, and hurting a lot of people in the process."_

***

I peeled my eyes open and gazed around stupidly at my surroundings. Everything was black. I pulled myself up and fumbled around for the light switch. The brightness disoriented me for a few moments so I waited for my eyes to adjust. I walked to my window and looked down. Brent's car was gone. So they were on their way to Boston and I had the house to myself. I took in a calming breath. Things had gotten really ugly earlier. But I didn't regret losing my cool. At least not yet. If only Rachel knew how much healthier I was, because of Edward.

I stopped drinking for him. He provided me with motivation to change. I felt strongly for him, and I would fight anyone to the death, who told me my feelings weren't real. I couldn't imagine life without him now.

He was me. And I was him. We were one. And I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I rested my forehead against the cold glass and I reflected on the last few months. Everything had changed so drastically, my life, my friends, the people I loved. All these changes freaked me out when I thought about them at once, but in the end I knew it would all be okay.

***

Three hours later I parked my motorcycle in the same spot it had been earlier. I brought Edward back home with me. I had a surprise for him. I frowned at the thought of Edward not liking the dinner I cooked for him. I wasn't a cook. I had about as much cooking experience as Heidi Montag had brains, so dinner could be an epic disaster. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that I was nearly at the front door, while Edward still lingered by my bike.

"Um Edward?"

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets.

I opened the door, flipped on the light switch, and whistled.

Edward gave me a small laugh. "I'm not a dog. You can't whistle at me and expect me to come."

I tilted my head to the side thankful for some dry amusement. "Then I'm inviting you in." I gestured towards the door as if some invisible barrier had just disappeared.

"Not a vampire either." Edward said still smiling, but I could tell his smile was forced.

"They're not here." I spoke up. I hoped that would ease his discomfort. "Rachel and Brent went away to Boston for a fundraiser. They won't be back until tomorrow." My cheeks warmed like hot coals as I waited for him. "You're not going to make me get on my knees and beg are you?"

"No," Edward said shaking his head. He took in a deep breath.

"Come on," I said not giving him any more time to think. I ran towards him, latched onto his arm, and pulled him inside. The familiar scent of velvet tuberose and apple cinnamon wafted to my nose. I kicked the door shut with my shoe and eased of Edward's jacket. "Now I know this isn't the Olive Garden or even Burger King, but I hope the food will at least be chewable."

"You cooked for me?" Edward asked in disbelief. I hung his jacket in the closet.

"Nah, I just brought you to my house because I want to have sex. Wild, dirty, filthy sex, on ever counter, in every closet, and on Rachel's bed." I snickered wickedly even though I still wasn't feeling any of my jokes. I just wanted him to feel okay with being here. "I'm going to start warming up the food. Make yourself comfortable Cullen."

I walked away briskly. I felt out of my element? Almost like a housewife eager to please her husband who worked all day. Not that I minded cooking for Edward though. I wanted to give him back some of the happiness he gave me every day. I needed him to know that he was appreciated. I opened the refrigerator door and pulled out the pan of homemade spaghetti. I had boiled the noodles in garlic, cooked the ground beef thoroughly, and then tossed it into a pot with sauce and cheese.

I flashed back to the cooking lessons Rachel used to give Rebecca and I when my parents were still alive. Rachel would always get pissed off because she thought Rebecca and I never listened to her. But I did listen on the sly. Thankfully. So I could only hope that I didn't miss any ingredients.

"I think this is the cutest picture I've ever seen," Edward announced as he joined me in the kitchen.

I glanced over my shoulder at him. "What picture is that?"

He arched his thick eyebrows as if to say that he wasn't going to tell me. "The one of you on the jungle gym with your two front teeth missing." He was beaming. "Cute,"

My cheeks flushed furiously.

Edward placed the picture down on the counter facing me. I stole a quick glance at the picture, and as usual I felt a disconnection. Back then I was innocent. The world was brighter, safer, and whatever pain I felt was made better by my parents. But I was an adult now, so there was no use in reflecting on the past.

Fifteen minutes later I removed the pan of spaghetti from the oven along with four slices of garlic bread. Edward had been pacing around while I warmed the food so I put him in time out. Now he was sitting at the table patiently. I served food for both of us, poured the drinks, and took forks out.

Edward was smirking as he watched me. What was so funny? A prickling anxiety traveled up the back of my neck. I knew my cooking was probably shit. But that didn't mean I wasn't hoping like hell that dinner would turn out okay. I watch Edward twirl the noodles around his fork like a child. "Well? Are you going to play with it or put it in your mouth."

The lights were off and candles were set up on the table. Faint flickers of light bounced off his face. My comment made him blush. _Oh_. I swallowed. It was a little hot in here. Actually, it was down right stifling. His lips, his soft red lips, pursed to blow on the noodles that he brought to his mouth.

I thought about the things he did with those lips. I could use some comfort right now. My cock stirred at the thought of Edward going down on me. _No_. I clenched my fists tighter. PG. Tonight was about him not me.

"Jake,"

"Yeah?" I asked looking away from his lips.

"You're making me nervous." Edward giggled. "I feel like every twitch or blink of mine is under scrutiny." He leaned forward and rubbed my leg. The feeling of his hands massaging me sent shocks through my body. He twirled the noodles around with his fork again and this time he took a bite. He chewed thoughtfully for a few seconds giving away nothing, and then he nodded and took another bite.

"Well?" I asked again. He probably thought I was being annoying. I needed to tone it down. "How does it taste?"

"Mmm," Edward said. "Like baby back ribs simmering in the summer heat."

I wasn't expecting that answer. I chuckled. Some of the nervousness had ceased. Now I felt confident enough to try out the spaghetti myself. Edward ended up finishing his whole plate and complimenting the chef numerous times. As I expected he tried to clean the kitchen, offering some excuse about the guest paying his dues to the chef. I teased that he could pay me back with a blowjob, and Edward got on his knees, and told me to unbuckle my belt.

I felt the tone of the night gradually shifting. I was more aware of Edward in everyway. Every touch felt like ice to a hot iron, combustible, and made me crave things that I shouldn't. I stared down at him. He was still on his knees. The sound of his breathing was slow and painful like a needle being jabbed into my arm. His breaths mixed in with the clock, ticking seconds by with excruciating slowness. My heart beat steadily against my chest.

"I'm just kidding." Edward said standing to his full height. He traced his hands along my belt. "You've just been really jumpy all day. I just wanted to make you smile, and keep you smiling." His hands slipped underneath my shirt and he tickled my stomach.

"Why don't you wait in my room while I clean up down here?"

"Sure," Edward said softly. "Thanks again for dinner. I feel special because I know you don't just cook for anyone."

"No I don't. Just for you." My cheeks warmed.

***

I walked into my room with a smile on my face. I liked Edward being here, especially in my room. This was my space. I grew up in here. I felt like my past and future were finally connecting, and it felt natural. I had this urge to share stories with him about all the things I tried to forget. How I wanted to be a hero when I was kid. Show him the ugly pictures that I used to draw. My mom kept them all and she used to tell me that they would be worth a million bucks one day. And the most important thing I wanted to share with him was the fear box.

It was time to let go of the fear.

Edward was sitting on my bed unmoving, his expression was stoic, and a book was open in his lap. I arched an eyebrow. Why did his mood suddenly change? "What's that?"

He looked up. His eyes registered the slightest surprise. I gulped when I realized that my yearbook was in his hands. There was a picture of Leah and I at homecoming on the 2nd page. _Fuck_. My mouth dropped and I suddenly felt compelled to tell him that the picture was taken junior year. Explain to him that things were different then. I didn't know him yet and if I did...I swallowed and my thoughts shifted.

If I did would I still ditch her for Edward?  
A new wave of guilt stabbed through me like it had a double-edged sword. Leah. I hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about her, or even trying to explain why I chose Edward over her. All I knew was that she hated me, and she had every reason to. I squeezed my eyes shut wishing away the problem with Leah so I could focus on Edward.

I used to want to make everyone happy. But I just couldn't do that anymore. Because with happiness and cheer came fraudulent smiles, pushed down emotions, and the need to drink so I could wash away every lie I told. I wasn't perfect. I couldn't mold myself into the boyfriend Leah needed me to be anymore.

I looked at Edward again. His green eyes were unreadable. I hated not being able to read him. His opinion fucking mattered more than anything. I was especially sensitive to his thoughts, and if I hurt him, then I hurt myself as well. I walked over to him in the quiet reflection of the past. What was he thinking?

"I didn't mean to..." His voice was a shaky quiver. "I just wanted to see your class picture."

I placed my hand flat on the book and eased it out of his hands. I could see the seeds of doubt planted in his eyes. Those green eyes that I had gone beyond my realms of comfort to appease. I would burn down the world for him and build it over so that everything was aesthetically pleasing to him. There was no reason when it came to Edward just this gut feeling that we belonged together. I searched for the right words to explain to him again that he was all I wanted. But why was I apologizing? Edward knew my past. I couldn't change it, and he never asked me to.

"I love you," I said honestly.

"I know," Edward nodded.

"Whatever you read or saw in there doesn't shape me as a person anymore. I'm better because of you. If we didn't meet Edward I'm not sure where I would be...but I don't have to worry about that because you're here. You make me feel motivated, and worthy of something more than football. I wake up in the morning with more smiles that I ever had before. I stopped drinking. I'm healthier, and I'm not flunking out of school. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've had many addictions but you are by far the sweetest."

His eyes darted back and forth with mine. I had him until I called him an addiction. He misunderstood me. I took his hand in mine. _Understand me_.

"But don't worry your not the kind of addiction that kills. You inspire, and breathe life. You change, and mold. You make me feel connected. And loved. And I feel all those things with you unconditionally. Edward you move me so much that sometimes when I'm alone I feel like I can't breathe...and I don't want to breathe anymore if you left me. Because I don't want to go back to the guy I used to be. I don't want to die at eighteen, an alcoholic that everyone wants to forget." My face twisted when I suddenly thought about my dad. "I want at least someone to miss me when I'm gone."

"Jake," Edward said his eyes wide.

I placed my hand to his chest, holding him back slightly to keep him from hugging me. I didn't want to cry now. Not yet. Because I knew that the tears would come eventually. I consciously decided to stop running. I was standing in place and taking on the storm. Edward treated my hand as if it was nothing and collided into me anyways wrapping me up tightly.

I felt as small as a newborn and only he could make me feel that way. I gripped onto his shirt tightly and buried my face in the safeness of his embrace. He smelled like Irish Spring and chocolate. It would've been a strange combination to anyone else. But to me that scent distinctly belonged to Edward.

"What are your three biggest fears?" I asked him a few minutes later. He was rocking me back and forth and his spindly fingers were running up and down my back. It was okay to forget my pride with him. He could rock me, and play songs for me on his guitar, because I had a lot of healing to do, and he worked magic on me.

I was jumping in the sea, with no lifejacket, just Edward, and enough trust to keep me afloat.

"What am I scared of?" Edward repeated. "I'm scared of a lot of things."

"Top three," I said. I was glad that he was entertaining this conversation without asking questions.

He brushed his lips lightly against my forehead. "I'm scared of fanatics. I don't like extremes." He leaned away from me, but he adjusted his position and stretched out his legs around me. "Clowns. I fucking hate clowns. Since I heard that line 'they float...and when your down here, with me. You float too!' I've steered clear of sewer drains. Seriously."

I smiled brightly. "_It_ used to scare the shit out of me too."

"And I guess I'm scared of death." Edward looked away from me, "I never really thought about losing the people I loved. But since I've met you, I always find myself wondering how things would be if I lost you...not to death. Just in general." Edward shivered.

"You won't lose me. I'm your mess remember."

Edward gave me a strained smile and he ran a finger down my cheek. "Why did you ask about my fears Jake?"

"Because," I let go of his shirt. "When I was younger..." The past was mixing with the present again. "Before everything I used to be this adventurous kid who talked more shit than I could handle. I was brave, but underneath my layers of bravado I was scared. I had a nightlight, which I hid when my friends came over, and I used to sneak into Rachel's room at night, because I was sure the boogeyman was coming for me."

"One day I tried to be the hero in front of my friends and I almost ended up drowning. For days after that I couldn't sleep. And when I finally fell asleep I woke up screaming. I thought I was back in the river drowning. My mom and Rachel made me something to help me deal with the fear." I crawled from in between the safeness of Edward's legs and reached underneath my bed for a pale blue box, held shut by a rubber band.

"This is a fear box." I explained to Edward. I pulled off the rubber band and then the lid. When I turned the box upside down white papers fluttered into the air like snowflakes. A few landed on Edward's jeans. He picked them up in his hands. "I write down all my fears and put them in here. They've been adding up since I was seven."

"Not good enough. Alone forever. No one to trust. I kissed Edward...and I liked it." He read. The last one made him search my eyes. "I was a part of your fear box?"

"I wrote that after we kissed for the first time. You were high so that was your excuse, but I wasn't. I felt that kiss. I liked it. But you were a boy. So I didn't know what that meant." Edward stretched out his arm and rested his hand on the ground. He danced his thumb on the outline of my lips.

"I was given that box when I was seven so there is a lot of shit in there." I felt okay again. I took his hand in mine as I looked down at one of the papers. "Apparently I was scared of _pineapples_ too."

Edward laughed.

"I was a strange little dude." I took the papers in Edward's hands and placed them back in the box, "Over the years I was scared of all these things. My mom told me that locking away my fears would keep them away until I was ready to deal with them. But they would always be there, and I would have to face them eventually. I think it's time. What do you think?"

Edward smiled crookedly. It was a relief to be on the same page again. "From now on you can write your fears on me." His eyes twinkled curiously and he reached for a pen. He pulled up his sleeve. "Write."

"I am not going to write on you in pen."

"It'll make you feel better. Write on me."

My eyebrows furrowed. _Okay_. I uncapped the pen and I took a second to think. What scared me more than anything right now? _Fear_. The quote about only having fear itself to fear bounced around in my head. I wrote hope instead on his arm. I was hopeful that my life would keep changing for the better.

***

The night was alive with strange howls. The full moon shimmered down on the black forest. I led Edward through the clearing of trees stripped naked by the harsh winter. Their bodies were twisted and gnarled with claw like branches stretching like hands towards the sky. A twig snapped somewhere in the distance. Animals scurried past creating an intimidating atmosphere. I saw a family of deer halt in their tracks ahead, they watched vigilantly as we approached. Edward stumbled on something and went crashing into me. I whirled around and caught him before he fell to the ground.

The deer galloped through the brush. Leaving behind an eerie stillness. We were almost there. I took Edward's hand in mine and we walked together towards my destination. I wondered why he hadn't asked me where we were going? If anyone led me into the woods, especially at nighttime, I would want some kind of explanation. Unless I expected a midnight rendezvous under the full moon.

Edward was looking around. I wondered if he was scared. He never struck me as the type to get scared easily of the dark. I didn't get a chance to ask him what he was thinking because we arrived at the spot. I recognized it immediately. A single tree stump protruded from the ground, that's where my friends and I used to start fires. Just beyond the stump I could make out the river gently lapping against the banks.

"I'm going to see if I remember how to light a fire from scratch. It's been a while." I gave the disclaimer just in case I struggled for thirty minutes.

"Well if you don't remember I could brush up your skills." Edward promised taking a seat on this stump. "Where are we?"

"The Boys Rebel Retreat." I snickered. "I named it."

"Oh," Edward mused nodding.

I gathered everything I needed to start a fire. I struggled for a few minutes and then Edward volunteered to help me. I gave up and watched him. If he was a boy scout when he was younger I was sure he thoroughly soaked in all the teachings. Edward's features creased in calm concentration and then he brought the smallest spark to life. He nursed it, and made a home for it, until it grew.

I clapped him on the back. "Who needs Bear Grylls when you got Edward Cullen?" I pulled my book bag off and placed it on the ground. The fire crackled pleasurably in my ears. Edward warmed his hands by the jumping orange and yellow flames. "Did you get your books?"

"Most of them."

I folded my dad's sweater and placed it on top of the fear box. I also had three cans of beer in the bag. It was the last of the alcohol I had in our dorm room. I could feel Edward's eyes on me. He still wasn't asking questions. "We survived last semester."

"We did."

"I want to start this semester off right. I need to for both of us." I licked my lips. I closed my eyes and held my dad's sweater in my hands. I ran my fingers along the fabric and bunched it tightly to my chest. "Remember when I asked you to wear this?"

Edward nodded slowly.

"I was trying to bring a part of my dad to the games with me. I wanted him to see me at College Park because playing for the Terps had been our dream since I was a freshman in high school. But after the last game when we lost I knew that it was time to give it up. This sweater isn't my dad's anymore. He gave it to me. But I attach sadness and dreams that we once shared to it. Not happiness or success."

"Rarely do I wear this sweater and think about the good times. I wear it to feel like Billy Black before he went south, to remind myself that he was somebody once. But yet when I wear it I can't seem to get the smell of alcohol off of it. I see him in a wheelchair, just staring, and waiting for death. And I don't want to see that anymore. The pain of having him survive only to waste away in front of my eyes killed me...and I need it to stop killing me."

I hugged the sweater to my chest. "When you and Seth wore the sweater it belonged to you guys. I saw it on you, and I stopped attaching it to my dad. It was yours, and you were wearing it for me. Even though it was old and ratty with a mustard stain on the sleeve." I smiled faintly and I breathed in relief when Edward reached across to take my hand. I looked away from him and spoke into the air. "I forgive you dad."

A tear slid down my cheek. "I don't think it was fair to leave me like this without a proper goodbye. But I forgive you." The wind whipped from in between the trees and circled around the fire. I threw the sweater into the flames. Something inside my chest coiled and twisted. Free me. Let me go. Pain and sadness. Let me go. I want to start over.

I bit my lip as I watched the flames lick at the sweater burning it beyond recognition. My hands felt numb and frostbitten. Edward came closer. He got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around me. I blinked away the tears as I watched the sweater disappear. It still hurt. Everything still hurt. But at least this was a start. Forgiveness.

"And my fears." I pulled myself out of Edward's arms. I opened the lid and looked down at the white papers scribbled with hurried handwriting. "It's time to face them." I poured everything into the greedy flames and the pages saved up for eleven years burned violently, and then floated upwards as ashes around me.

A cathartic peace rolled over the woods. There was one last thing I needed to do. I licked at the salty tears that dripped onto my lips. It felt good to feel at maximum capacity and not be ashamed, or worried that someone would see me, and see just how ugly I really was.

***

I rested my hands on the ledge and peered down at the midnight water. The moon reflected gently on the ripples. I opened my book bag and took the last pieces of my life before Edward, the vices that held me underneath the waves. I lined the beer cans up in a neat row. "I took these from the fridge in our room. Now there's nothing left."

Edward looked up at the full moon.

"I don't need you to ration me at half a can anymore. I did that because I wanted control. I wanted to be able to drink without overdoing it. Just have a taste and walk away. But I'm learning that it's okay to admit that I can't." I picked up the can in my hands. It was just a can of beer but it felt like it had so much power. It felt like livewire. I didn't feel compelled to drink it though. I saw myself drinking alone in the bar at two am. with a fake ID tucked in my wallet. Swallowing down shots in my room, and passing out on the front doorstep to my house. The can exploded from my hands and smashed into the brick wall on the other side. Without missing a beat I hurled the other can as far as I could into the murky depths of the river where I almost drowned years ago.

I felt good. I was awake. My eyes were wide and I was seeing everything differently. "The last one is yours." I slid the can over to Edward. "You get rid of it. However you want to."

He picked up the can. I watched as he popped open the lid, and then poured the contents into the river. Edward shook it out until every last drop was gone and then he crushed the can with his feet, as if it was nothing.

I was finally ready to go home.

***

I turned off the lights and lit a few candles. The room was cast in a macabre glow of ghostly shadows, and dancing flames. I was in the middle of the maddening dance. A sheet was on the floor and I had set up some massage oils and a box of chocolate covered strawberries that I had brought the other day beside it. I was nervous, but it was for all the right reasons. Edward always showed his appreciation for me. He took care of me when I needed him the most. He drove miles for me, listened when I needed someone to talk to, and most of all he loved me, when he had every reason not to.

He knew me inside and out, and I had given him enough reasons to run, but yet he stayed, and prepared himself for war. Edward was everything that I wasn't. He was selfless, and I was selfish. He put others before himself, and even though I tried to do the same, I always ended up putting myself above everyone else. I was scared and lonely, pathetic and a far cry from the man I wanted to be, but Edward renewed strength in me. It was the way he looked into my eyes. He looked at me like he saw someone worthy of his love.

He chose me. And I chose him.

I bit my lip as I watched the pumpkin spice candle pool with a rich brown liquid. The air blanketing the room was spicy and sweet. I was wearing nothing but my boxer briefs. I didn't feel the need to get fully dressed after showering. Edward was in the shower now, and he was taking a long time. I was losing my nerve. I closed my eyes and mentally tried to get it together. Why was it that he still made me so nervous? I didn't want to think about it. I jumped up so I wouldn't have to sit still anymore.

I paced around the room. When we were in Georgia he told me that I needed to let him in. I did all of this today for him. I needed him to know my past, the places I had been, the ones I feared and loved the most, because I knew that I couldn't change on my own. Love was a deep-rooted monster that I was discovering in a new light. It twisted and coiled in my gut whenever I tried to hide my vulnerabilities. And it shaped me into someone new. Someone better.

With Edward I swallowed down my pride and I just let everything be. I cried in front of him. And it was beautiful. It was the most intense, tragic, but yet uplifting experience ever, because I cried in front of him and I didn't feel ashamed. It felt natural and human. Just thinking about it now made me teary eyed.

I turned on the heat and sucked in a mouthful of air. How long had he been in the shower now. Like twenty minutes? I rubbed my hands together and blew inside them as if I was cold. But I wasn't cold anymore. Just insanely anxious. Maybe he was changing his mind about me? Now that I showed him how fucked up I was. I tried not to think about it. I hoped that he wouldn't run away from me now. No he wouldn't. I was at the critical stage of winning everything or losing it all.

Edward initially fell in love with the confidant, easygoing quarterback, the guy he met at the beginning of the semester. Not this hot mess. My stomach churned. I took a seat back down on the navy comforter spread out across the floor. _Fear_. Today was all about overcoming fear, and finding a more comfortable place inside my skin.

I was realizing the things I pushed down into the darkest corners of my soul. I loved and hurt. It was a damaging pattern that I couldn't seem to control. But I didn't want to hurt anyone else. Not anymore. The candlelight flickered against the wan walls with increased fervor. The bathroom door opened and then closed. My ears perked up at the sound of our room door opening.

I wouldn't be on the floor like this for anyone else. But Edward was worth it. A cool gust of air slipped into the room behind him. His skin was pale in the dim afterglow of the candles and the full moon shining dwindling light into our room. I saw his eyes take in the candles and then me, barely clothed.

I felt crazy and off balance because I was opening myself up. These days I allowed myself to feel a wide range of emotions, without pushing them down or running from them. I was at the point where I couldn't play hide and seek with Edward anymore. There was no safe zone, nowhere to hide.

And I didn't want to hide anymore. My mouth felt dry. I swallowed and I opened my mouth to speak. "It's Edward appreciation day." I smiled at him so he could know I meant it.

He closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

His eyes were hidden behind shadows until he came closer. Yellow spirits danced in the green depth of his orbs. His lightly muscled figure was beaded with water, and his chestnut hair was damp and perfectly framed his face. Irish Spring body wash and Axe shampoo wafted off of him in an irresistible cloud seducing me.

I was a bundle of nerves a few minutes ago but now as I drunk in the way his lips slightly lifted at the edges, I realized that I was okay. I never dreamed about forever until him. He made things possible. How could he hold so much power over me. And shape my world so perfectly? Edward was the brightest star in the sky. He made me so fucking dizzy. And made my thoughts race without realizing that five minutes could go by, and I was standing still wondering how our worlds collided?  
He was standing over me now so I took his hand and gently pulled him down to the floor. I felt like we were on an adventure. Not only were we changing, but so was everything around us. There were thousands of reasons why we shouldn't be together, and millions of reasons for why we should be. Being together wasn't going to be easy. I knew that virtually everyone I loved would turn their back on me by default, because I either turned my back on Leah, or because of the belief that being gay was wrong.

But fuck that. If being with Edward was wrong, then I would gladly be wrong. Because nothing else felt so right. I placed my hand flat on the creamy smoothness of his back. His muscles arched gently forming small slopes. I massaged my hands along his flesh, enjoying the feel of damp water on his skin. The candles swayed. His back was a canvas of dark shadows and fading lights. I lowered my lips and crushed them against the planes of his sweet skin.

I felt my body give into the ecstasy of being so close to him. He was fresh and smelled like soap, and all I wanted to do was fill my mouth with every inch of him. I wanted to taste his lips, let his kisses take me over like morphine, and knot my hands through his hair. I was addicted to him...and in the smallest corner of my heart I knew it was okay. He was an addiction that saved, and didn't kill. He took my lips and breathed into them. My world was starting to spin. I breathed in a few shallow breaths as my hand slipped to my crotch. I grabbed my cock, and squeezed it a few times. Breathing in his clean scent, and running my nose through his wet hair. He reached behind me and his hands, long and graceful, perfect for playing the piano, stroked me. I shivered violently. An animalistic urge blacked everything out.

Heavy breathing filled the silence. I was sucking air into my lungs but yet I still felt like the air supply was low. I wanted him in the worst way. He knew me emotionally. He knew who I was but yet he wasn't scared of me. I showed him two sides of my personality. The jock and the lost boy, but yet he didn't doubt me. He was still here. He was always here. Shining down on me like eternal sunshine, in a stretch of never ending midnights.

Both of his hands were tight around my wrists like shackles. I allowed Edward to do with me as he wanted. He pulled me down onto him. I closed my eyes and the exhilarating friction of feeling his sweet ass press up against me made me see stars. He swiveled his hips, pushing himself, deeper, and deeper, into the heat in between my legs. My fingers twitched. I slipped my hands loosely around his neck and held him to me.

Edward's fingers entwined inside mine. He loosened his grip and then tightened it. The room was suddenly sweltering. I crushed my lips against his skin. His minty breath washed across my cheek and my lips. I savagely sought out his mouth. He kissed me sloppily, moaning, and thrusting his hips up and down. My face twisted in agony. Edward started to touch me again. He was impatient and flexible. His arms twisting around, and his hands groping my boxers.

The air was filled with pumpkin spice. The candle leapt from the glass dangerously, and the shadows closed back around it. The sound of tiny rocks crashing into the glass window caught me off guard. Edward's hands were now inside my boxers. A jolting rush pulled me back to him. His hands were ice cold and firm. He flipped his hand over and massaged my dick, using each finger to create new sensations. I groaned and slipped my hands down his slightly wet back.

I caught of whiff of chocolate and strawberries in the air. I was so lost in the salacious cravings my body was demanding, that I just realized that Edward had pulled my boxer briefs down to just above my knees. I closed my eyes and didn't breathe as he jerked me off. His motions were fluid and teasing. He went fast and then slowed it all the way down. My lips twisted. Harder Edward. Fucking Harder.

He was going slow now. I opened my eyes and looked at my boyfriend through sated eyes. I took in his lips. I leaned into him and pressed my hand against his cheek. His face was red, and so were his lips, ripe like a strawberry plucked from the earth. I swallowed down the carnal yearning lodged in my chest and crushed my nose against his. His eyelids closed. Underneath his long eyelashes there were pale lavender bags. He was tired. And I knew his exhaustion had to everything to do with me.

My fingers inched up to his hair and I grabbed a fistful in my hand. I held him to me and breathed in his air. I closed my eyes for just a second, and pretended that it was just us in this world. I imagined that I fixed and worthy of his love, and he knew that no matter what happened we would always be. Because that's what I wanted. I felt it so fucking strongly. I wanted him. I needed him. I loved him.

The room was burning. His air filled my lungs. We were kissing now. I let go of his hair and danced my fingers down his arms. He wrapped me up in a tight hug. I enjoyed the feeling of my heart beating against his, pumping blood for the sake of a new chance. A new beginning. His lips were hot against my neck. I threw my head back and allowed the lull of his breathing and the feathery touch of his hands to take me away. I curled my hands into fists when his kisses became more urgent.

His tongue flicked briskly against my neck. I tilted my head back in a frenzied daze. Everything was blurry. The shadows twisted and contorted like monsters in the haunting glow of candles. The rocks beat louder against the window. Edward slung his arm around my waist bringing me closer. He bit down on my flesh. I wanted him to bite me harder. Make me feel it. Make me feel him. As if he was in my head he did as I silently asked. I let out a pleasured moan and tightened my hands on his shoulders. He then placed a delicate kiss on the spot where he bit down.

The next thing I knew his lips were on mine again. A voice was screaming inside my head. This is everything you ever wanted. Don't fuck this up. You've run from so many people before, hurt them when you felt like you were getting closer to yourself. But you never meant to do it. You've never meant to make people bleed just because you were. Don't be a fucking coward. Here he is. Everything you ever wanted. You love him. Keep him. Don't chase him away. Love him. Never let him go.

I squeezed my eyes shut as his lips danced across mine. His tongue invaded my mouth. I opened wider and carnally massaged my tongue with his. The minty tang of his toothpaste filled my mouth. He stuck his tongue deeper down my throat. Saliva pooled around our tongues as we fought for dominance and love. The tide was coming in. And it was coming in strong. I fumbled around in the ghostly opera set by shadows, the sound of heavy breathing, and rocks threatening to take down the window and this room.

I touched his dick. He was hard as fuck underneath the towel. I ripped the towel off. I heard the fabric tear in my eager craze to free ourselves of that one last obstacle. I wanted to fuck him. I needed his skin pressed up against mine. I wanted to feel his ass jiggle underneath me as I fucked him. Closer. I wanted to be fucking closer. We clumsily fell onto the floor, tangled in each other. He reached around me and squeezed my ass in his hands. I bit down on his ear.

His breath fanned my chest and he moaned.

I kissed the back of his neck, sucking on the alabaster skin just below his mane of wild hair. Silhouettes blanketed his body producing a strange silvery white glow. I linked my hands inside of his again. Stay with me Edward. Don't ever go. My heart was beating so rapidly that I was sure it was either going to stop or explode. I arched my back and looked down, watching with lust and love, as my erection slipped in between the twin mounds of his ass, pale and full. I breathed in and touched him, pressing his skin down, and running my hands along the rush of blood underneath his skin where I had squeezed.

The feeling of slipping my cock just in between his legs, but not yet inside, made my body ache. He tightened his muscles, trapping me in between, and then he released the contraction. I moved my hands up to his chest and ground my hips around slowly. A wet trail of sticky precum glistened on his skin. I licked my lips and squeezed Edward's ass one more time. I wanted to fuck him so badly.

My heart slowed. I saw the chocolate strawberries pushed almost completely underneath my bed. In the passion of the last few minutes we must've pushed it aside. Edward pressed his ass against me again. My body quaked. "Edward wait."

"Shh," he whispered crushing his lips like velvet against mine.

I reached for his hands, which were still blindly fumbling and kissed his knuckles, and then the inside of his hand. "I know you like chocolate so I saw these and I thought why not." It was hard having normal conversation after nearly having sex. I was still hard, and the sight of his ass, naked, and bare, made me think about doing all kinds of things to it.

I wanted to do nasty things to him. I wanted to suck him off, and then finger fuck him, right before pounding his ass. I closed my eyes. _No_. That was all wrong. Fuck what I wanted. I wanted sex though. I wanted it so badly that my insides ached. But at the same time showing him the purest love was also deeply important to me.

"Try one." I suggested shakily. I reached for a large strawberry frosted with chocolate and gently pressed it against his lips. Despite the raw place we had been earlier, Edward was now smiling, as if I had just written him a poem and rapped it to him. He opened his lips. I circled my free hand around his arm and pulled him up a little. Edward bit down on the strawberry. I watched his top lip glide up the chocolate. A little bit of red juice dribbled down his chin. I wanted to lick him clean.

Edward's fingers grazed mine as he pulled the half eaten strawberry from me. He brought it towards my lips. I watched as strands of his drying hair, danced in the air. He opened his lips as if to tell me that I should do the same. His eyes dragged me into them and struck me dumb. I followed the motion of his lips deliriously. Edward traced the uneven edges of the strawberry across my mouth; I tasted the sweetness and the chocolate tickled my tongue. My taste buds exploded.

As I stared through the haze at him I imagined that he tasted like that, like a ripe strawberry covered in chocolate. Edward smiled sweetly but yet there was an edge to his smile. He wanted the same thing as me, to be closer. More juice tricked from the strawberry and slipped inside my mouth, coated my lips, and soaked my chin. Finally I had enough. I took a bite.

The explosion was heaven. I finished off the strawberry and then sensually licked Edward's stained hands clean. I took extra time to suck on his fingers, especially his index finger, closing my eyes and imaging that it was his dick. He pulled his hand out of my mouth, and I suddenly shot forward. Our bodies crashed into each other's again. I kissed him and a combustible flame ignited in between us. I sucked his bottom lip completely into my mouth. I wanted more. _More_.

Our lips parted and I set out to explore new areas of his body. I kissed and bit, licked and sucked, and finally I reached his chest. I felt his erection press against me. I was too swept up in desire to scare myself at the thought of giving head for the first time. All I could think about was putting him in my mouth. I wanted to make him feel good, better than he ever made me feel. I trailed my tongue down to the tuft of blondish brown hair leading to his dick. I dipped my tongue inside his navel and explored around. He was looking down at me; his eyes were full, and longing.

I went back up to his lips and kissed him like I loved him and meant it. Just when Edward tried to touch my face, I reached for his hand, entwined my fingers inside his, and dropped our hands to the floor. The taste of strawberries lingered on my tongue as I licked all the way down to the thing I wanted most.

I took him in my hands and squeezed him. He moaned and shivered. I circled my hands loosely around his thick erection and moved up and down. His eyes were begging. He wanted it. My cock rose up and down trying to get impossibly higher. Finally I closed my lips over the tip. His hand went to my shoulder. Icy cold mixed with heat. I licked along the outline of his masculinity, vertically, from left to right, and then I lapped at his precum. Admiring the way the clear strand stretched from my tongue to his cock as I pulled back.

I swallowed every drop of his precum. I was overcome with greediness. I opened my mouth as wide as I could and inched my way down the length of him. Watching my teeth and dragging my salivating tongue against him. It was easier than I expected. A little too easy. I heard him gasp in surprise. A sick thrill of victory grabbed hold of me. The first time Edward tried to swallow me whole, he gagged, while I...his thick erection suddenly felt like it was pressing against the back of my throat. I coughed violently, my chest heaving, and then I pulled it out of my mouth.

Tears welled in my eyes. I coughed a few more times and then embarrassingly wiped at my face. I could see that Edward was fighting back a smile. I looked away from him in stubborn discomfiture and my sullen expression made him giggle. His boyish laugh was like music to my ears. His laughter was contagious. I laughed as well suddenly not feeling the need to take myself so seriously.

I could get him all the way in my mouth, but I couldn't keep him there without gagging. I needed to work on that. I wanted to suck his dick some more. And prove myself.

"That's what happens when you get greedy." Edward teased. He wrapped his legs around me, making my stomach rise flat against his. Edward nuzzled my neck, breathing words, and tracing circles with his tongue. "I love you."

His words only increased the boiling temptation bubbling inside of me. He nibbled gently on my ear, his tongue snuck inside, licked around the edges, and then down my jaw. I placed my hand to his heart and I kept it there. I felt like our hearts were joined together as one, beating on a wavelength of lust, love, and emotional connectedness.

He loved me. I knew that. But the way he touched me, and whispered in my ear. Sweet nothings, occasionally peppered with the moan to fuck him, made me shiver. It was now or never. My last chance to run. This wouldn't just be sex. I had already given him everything else I had, sex, was the last piece of me. The promise that no matter how hard shit got, I wanted him, and only him. His kisses were more frequent, his legs tightened around my hips, preventing escape. I felt his hands move my ass up and down. I contracted my muscles, tightening my ass like he had. But his hands still wandered.

Now or never.

Run and hide.

Stay or go.

I opened my eyes. The rocks...the _hail_ was making a jarring tinkling noise. The shadows on the wall were more monstrous, and contorted than ever. They twisted and rocked, pulled and licked at the wall. Edward was completely swallowed up in the shadow, but the candlelight danced on me. He was fading in the darkness. I breathed.

He was fading. His eyes closed so I couldn't see the calming green of his eyes.

This was my last chance.

A steady beat. My hand was still on his chest. I felt his heart beating. I heard the drums sounding. A steady thump. Pulling me in, and spitting me out. It was like music. _I'm alive and so are you_. His voice filled my head like sweet honey. If you run away from me Jake...do you really think you could ever love this strongly again? I'm right for you. I'm the guy for you. There's nothing you could do to me that could make me love you any less. Us until the end. No matter what happens. Us until the end.

Say it aloud. Tell me it. Tell me you love me, and you always will. That your world changed the second I was placed in it. That ever color is brighter. Every taste is sweeter. Your emotions are heightened. And I've made you aware again of who you are, and all the potential you have inside your soul. Say it loud. Us Jake. Us.

"Us until the end," I stammered against the pulse beating in his neck.

Colors brighter. Emotions stronger. Breathe. Bleed. Just us. You and Me.

Stay. I was definitely staying because there was no where else to go.

We were crashing into the water together. Our bodies entwining and twisting until we were one. The scared little boy too afraid to take a chance and dive into the deep end was gone. _I dived in_. And I dived in with him. I was going to stay and if I drowned, we would go down together, only so he could bring me back up. I was sure about this. I gripped him in my arms, kissing his lips, and everywhere else I could reach. I wasn't backing away from this fight.

I pulled away from him. He was tangled around me like a pretzel. Edward reached for my hand. He thought I was leaving. _No_. I wiggled my hand free and went to my top drawer to pull out lube, and I searched around for condoms. Fuck? I didn't have anymore. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I threw clothes onto the floor. Fucking hell! The search was desperate and frustrating. I longed for him. We were almost complete.

Edward stood up and he wrapped his arm back around me, holding me to him. His kisses were light against my neck and tense back. He pulled me away from the drawer with nothing but the lube in my hand. I trusted him. But I didn't expect him to trust me. He had no reason to trust me, even though I knew I was clean. Edward kissed my collarbone. He twirled his tongue around my nipples and bit down. _Uggh_. I grabbed on tightly to his legs covered with sparse blonde hairs.

He yanked me to the ground for the second time. I fell onto my knees. His kisses were tender as butter, melting against my skin. Edward successfully managed to take my mind off of everything. His lips wrapped around my cock, a tight ring of warm heat. He grunted and moaned, and swabbed my cock against the insides of his cheek. Now he was showing off. He looked up at me; those green eyes were tainted with a devilish glint. It turned me on. Fuck yeah. My body became a slave to him, and I watched transfixed as he licked me up and down.

For some reason Lil' Wayne's song 'Lollipop,' came into my head. I closed my eyes chasing the song away. He was slurping loudly and massaging my balls with his hands, cradling them, and rolling them around slowly in his hands. Edward sucked me all the way into his mouth. His lips crushed against my skin with my erection completely invisible inside his mouth. _Shit_. He was going to make me come. My body convulsed helplessly. Begging for the sweet release. Not yet. _No_.

I sat up and pulled my cock from in between his lips. Edward stuck out his tongue still...trying to lick it. I grabbed him by his arms and rolled him over on his back. His body was sweaty, but yet he still smelled freshly of Irish Spring. I rested my thumb in between the softness of his legs. I dizzily opened the bottle of lube and squirted a lot into my palm. Ironically it was strawberry flavored.

All the sounds in the room disappeared for a second. I spread the lube on him. He quivered against my shaking hands. "Edward."

There was a moment of silence.

"Edward." I repeated.

"Yes?" he breathed.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" I traced my two fingers against him, dipping the tip of one finger inside ever so slightly. I kissed the inside of his knee and then rested my cheek against it.

"Do you?" He asked

"Yes, but if you didn't...because I don't have..."

"Just don't go too hard okay."

My cheeks burned. "I'll be gentle." I love you was right on my tongue but I suppressed it. Thoughts tickled my mind as I traveled back down to the area where my fingers were gently prodding and trying to gain entrance. I kissed him there and I was overcome with the impulse to lick him until I got dizzy.

So dizzy that I couldn't tell which way was right or left, up or down. His legs pressed in around me and his moans filled my ears. I pulled away from him my lips were wet and sticky with the strawberry lube. Edward twisted and turned, contorting his body, his face red, and his lips were snarled in pain and pleasure.

After a few minutes of trying to loosen him up I brought my cock to rest in between his legs. He relaxed against me. His eyes were closed and he was biting down on his lips. I wanted to make this as easy as I could. I felt a cool gust of air slip underneath the door. I had no idea how it felt to have a dick shoved up your ass, but I knew that the first time probably had to hurt like hell. I placed my hand to his heart again. He cutely linked his hands inside mine, his hand pale, mine dark, and held our hands to his chest.

I was slow and patient. I gritted my teeth as I poked inside him. I watched his expression carefully. He was breathing in and out slowly, his stomach pooled with sweat and sticky strawberry liquid. Go slow. My eyelids fluttered shut as his body welcomed me with a tightening euphoria. Shit he felt so good. _Mmm_.

Edward drew in a sharp breath. "Oww."

I pulled out quickly snapping out of the haze.

The candle was a low whisper now. Flickering ever so slightly, unable to dance, or produce any more shadows on the wall. But the air was still ripe with the rich, home cooked smell of pumpkin spice.

"Try again." He whispered. The faintest trance of a wince construed his handsome features. Edward touched my manhood. "I'm okay." He breathed. "It's going to hurt...put it back in me."

I instinctively reached for the lube and put more on both of us. I needed to take his mind off of the pain, both of our minds actually. I needed to remove ourselves from this darkened haunting room, and to somewhere beautiful. Somewhere with rivers, and flowers, and a sun that never stopped shining. The closest place to heaven that existed on this earth.

"Close your eyes." I whispered in his ear. I stroked him, sticking one finger inside him, and carefully exploring the restricting softness.

Edward's eyelashes fell across his face. He still looked like he was in a little bit of pain. Ease him into it. It's okay baby. It's okay.

"It's summer Edward. Hold my hand." His slippery fingers found mine. His lips parted and he breathed. "I want to take you somewhere nice. Far away from everything." I looked down and gently massaged my cock against him. "The wind is in your hair...no one is around, so we're riding on the back of my motorcycle naked."

Edward smiled for the first time. "Naked?"

"Yes Naked." I entered him a little. I held my breath. Oh. Control it. Go gentle. I was driven by the insatiable thirst to fill him up completely with my cock. Pound him senseless until I came. I mentally told myself that I would pull out before then. "We just spent the last half hour dancing. I was doing the jambalaya..."

"The what?"

"I dunno, something I made up." I slipped a little deeper into him this time. My heart was racing. I waited nervously for the pain to reflect on his face. He drew in a sharp breath, but then his face was calm and serene again. "And then you asked me to slow dance. I hate slow dancing. But I love you, so I thought we could go for one round."

I felt his heart accelerate. Slow him down. Distract him.

"Some sappy ballad was playing in the background and I couldn't even focus on the song. Because all I could see was you. And besides you were the only person I wanted to see 'cause everyone else was busted." He was laughing now. "With Snooki from _Jersey Shore_ bouffants and orange radioactive tans."

Edward laughed again.

I was completely inside him now. I leaned forward, keeping myself completely inside, and swept my hand against his cheek. His skin was soft against mine.

"Did you get it all the way in?" He asked still squirming a little. His emerald orbs swallowed me deeper, sucking me into his soul.

I bent down to kiss his hand. "Yes,"

His cheeks were streaked with red. I carefully adjusted my position, spreading his legs a little wider. His thighs tightened around my middle. I breathed in shakily enjoying the feeling of being trapped. My movements were steady and calm at first. I slowly pulled myself out, and then eased back in. Sweat formed along his hairline. And he started moaning.

His legs were damp and sweat tickled my arms. Our skin slapped together. His ass bounced underneath me, creating soft vibrations under his skin. I racked my hands through his hair and down his body. The friction and heat made me drift away. I was inside him. _Finally_. I still couldn't believe that we were here. I would've never expected to be here a year ago, but now I knew that all changes weren't for the worst.

Edward's hands clawed at my back. I fucked him harder, throwing my head back, and closing my eyes. Sparks of electricity pumped through me. He was moaning unevenly now, in perfect chorus with the pounding of my body into his. My thumb unconsciously traced his pulse. I raised his leg up trying to get impossibly deeper.

The scents...pumpkin spice, strawberries, chocolate, and sweat circled the room. We were wet. My drenched skin rubbed against his. I moaned louder, it rolled around in my chest. I could feel my body stiffening, ready to fully release the seeds of my passion. He bucked against me. Edward's hand slid down my chest. He pushed me away from him. I looked into his eyes, startled and uncertain. But then he kissed me.

My tongue hungrily explored his mouth. He guided me onto my back, and I watched him transfixed. Through the shadows strands of his hair flew in the air, and I could make out the look of satisfaction on his face, as he got on top of me. I squeezed my eyes shut as he guided me back inside of him. I saw him suck in a mouthful of air. He adjusted his body, trying to find the perfect angle, and then he moved up and down, making my dick turn inside him.

_Fuck_. It was impossible at this point to breath normally. I panted as he rode my dick. Edward curled his fingers into my chest and bounced up and down. Harder. Faster. Higher. I lifted my hands from his slim waist unable to hold on any longer. Breathe. _Oh_. Blood rushed to my head. I was losing it. I couldn't hold back any longer. Fuck. Oh shit. "Uggh," I tried to pull out but Edward tied my hands back, and I didn't fight him. I allowed myself to be more aggressive with him. I raised my hips in the air, resting my hands on his ass, and thrust myself deeper into him. He tangled his hands in my hair, and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I felt his chest against mine, His nose caressing my skin, and his hands on my back.

"I'm gonna cum." I whispered.

Edward kissed me. His lips crushing wondrously against mine, as I exploded deep inside him. He rode me for a little bit longer, and then he collapsed against my chest, with me still inside him. We breathed together. A smile crossed my face. Wow. That was so fucking good. I looked down at his mess of brown hair. We laid together for a few minutes in silence. All the candles had gone out now, except for one.

"Edward..."

"Give me a second." He pulled me out of him.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"My thighs and ass hate me right now." He bit his lip and scooted up the sheet towards me. I wrapped him up in my arms, holding him tightly like a baby. "I'm sorry if I was too rough."

"No you weren't." Edward closed his eyes. "Thanks for the story. It was strange, but it helped me get over the pain."

I kissed his cheek. There were a million things I wanted to say. But through the steady beats of my heart all I could think about was one thing. I had never been surer of anything in my life. I moved my lips to speak but my mouth felt thick. I cleared my throat and then kissed his neck, purple in places where I had sucked on his skin.

"Thanks for loving me Edward."

He smiled. And he turned to look at me silently as if he had something deeply important to say. "I'll always love you. Even after all the stars in the sky fade. And the world stops turning. Forever Jake. I'll love you forever."

**Review guys**! Please. With Jacob on top ;)


	21. Bruises, Part I

**AN**: It's one in the morning and I'm posting this, so all I can do is pray that it's coherent lol. But THANK YOU so much guys! In my eyes last chapter had to be a big. I was nervous because that was my first slash sex scene, but your feedback was really rewarding, and made me feel like I accomplished my goal. I can't believe last chapter made some of you cry...that really touched me. And I also know that some were wondering about Edward...since it may have seemed that he didn't have an orgasm at all. I assure you that he did...it was just not as obvious since everything was from Jacob's point of view. So I'm not sure how you guys will feel about this chapter, because it doesn't focus on Jacob and Edward as heavily as the last few chapters. Now that they're back in school, they will be interacting with everyone again. Last semester was about getting Jacob and Edward together, and this semester will be more plot, and character driven. This chapter is from Jasper's POV, third person, and Edward, first person. This will be a two-part chapter. I know there is something else I want to say, but my mind is too tired to function properly right now. But as always thanks again to the new reviewers, the faithful ones, and everyone who bothers to drop me a review. Ya'll are the best.

–Maddie

**Disclaimer**: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, and 'Where the Sidewalk Ends' belongs to Shel Silverstein.

Chapter 21- Bruises, Part I

The world through the eyes of a child can be a mystical place, filled with love, rainbows and never ending song. But for the unfortunate, the world can be dark, endless rainy days, and the sweet hope for innocence returned. Love, that's all they need. To grow and flourish. Love. Keep the innocence because the world is filled with many dark things...that will come soon enough.

**Jasper's POV**

**---**

_Cassandra Whitlock gently stroked her son's honey blonde hair. He was tucked underneath the covers and listening faintly as she read, "Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein. Her voice was soothing and velvety, but there was an urgency in her voice that prevented Jasper from falling asleep. He opened his eyes and studied her concerned profile closely. Cassandra's eyes were big. She looked sad, but Jasper wasn't sure why. When he asked, "What's wrong mommy?" Two hours ago. His mom told him not to worry about it. Because little kids shouldn't worry about certain things._

_ So he laid in bed and felt sad because he knew something was wrong, but he didn't know what. Cassandra planted a soft kiss on his cheek. The kiss warmed his skin and traveled through his body. Jasper felt loved. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, and hold her in place. Love me forever mommy. Please? But he said nothing. Jasper kept his eyes tightly closed and his shallow breaths echoed in the still silence. The wooden floorboards creaked as Cassandra stood and walked in the direction of the bookshelf. Jasper peeked open an eyelid and watched as Cassandra rested her hand on the wooden frame. She seemed to be gathering her strength. After a few seconds she placed the book back in place. Cassandra looked over her shoulder at Jasper's bed. She placed her shaking hand to her cheek, and then left._

_ Jasper slowly pulled back the covers. He snuck out into the dark hallway after his mom. Her shadow fell across the door as she disappeared into her room. Jasper noticed that a few suitcases were packed by the front door. A dim light illuminated the small space. Jasper walked slowly towards the bags. His eyebrows furrowed and he felt a sinking tragedy permeate through his body. For a second he felt like he couldn't breathe. Jasper sucked in a few calming breaths. Where was his inhaler?_

_ Jasper started to walk again. Everything was so quiet. He bent over and opened one of the bags. Jasper saw his mom's clothes stuffed inside. He swallowed. His eyes welled with tears. She was leaving again? Where was she going this time? Every time she went away it took longer for her to come back. He didn't want to stay here without her. Did she not love him anymore? Was that why she always wanted to leave?_

_ Jasper's lips trembled. He knew that little boys weren't supposed to cry but he couldn't help it. Tears gushed down his cheeks. In a blaze of determination he ran to the closet. Jasper tugged as hard as he could and pulled his rain jacket from the hanger. After he pulled his arms into the sleeves he yanked on his rain boots. Jasper went back to the pile of bags and took a seat on one like stowaway luggage. _

_ Cassandra emerged from her room wearing a black trenchcoat. Her pale blue eyes rested on Jasper, sitting on top of her bags, looking so small. Cassandra took a step back clearly startled. "Jazz, sweetheart what are you doing out of bed?"_

_ "Can I come with you? Please."_

_ Cassandra blinked twice and then looked around._

_ "I won't get in your way I promise. Can I please just come?" Jasper unzipped one of the suitcases, "I can even get inside one of these." He tried to fold himself inside. The space was tight, and it hurt, but he wouldn't mind the discomfort if that meant not being left behind. _

_ "Jasper baby." Cassandra crouched down on her knees so she could be level with Jasper. "Love, you...you can't come."_

_ "Why not mommy? I can fit. Look I can fit." He brought his knees closer to his chest._

_ "No you can't." Tears welled in Cassandra's eyes. "Now please go back to sleep. Your father will be back soon."_

_ "Mommy please." Jasper begged. "I'll be good. I won't have any more asthma attacks, and I'll eat all my vegetables, and I'll do anything, just please, I miss you when you're gone. Please?"_

_ Cassandra swooped down and picked Jasper up in her arms. She cradled him to her chest like a baby. He breathed in and out, his breaths ragged and uneven. She settled into a seat and wrapped him up even tighter. "I love you so much." Cassandra kissed his forehead. "Don't you ever ever forget that."_

_ Jasper clung onto her blouse with tiny fingers. "Don't leave," He whispered._

_ Cassandra rested her chin on top of his head. "I'll be back."_

_ "No," Jasper said holding on tighter. _

_ "I'm going to fly on a plane. You hate planes."_

_ "I can be brave."_

_ "And then I have to get in a car and drive, really, really far."_

_ "I can be even braver." Jasper promised._

_ "I have to go Jasper. Mommy needs you to be a good boy and go to sleep." _

_ "No, please."_

_ Cassandra stood up. Jasper kept his tight grip on her. Cassandra gently pried his fingers free. "Jasper go to bed."_

_ She went to grab her bags, but Jasper picked up one, and dragged it into a corner. He stubbornly wrapped his arms around the bag. "You can't have it back. Not unless you take me with you."_

_ Cassandra looked at her five year old son with wavering sadness. She turned away as if he was a golden dream, tragically fading into dust. Cassandra walked briskly through the front door without acknowledging her son huddled in the corner. His eyes widened. He waited a few moments. Jasper was certain that his mom wouldn't just leave him here like this when he was begging. Every breath he took dug him deeper and deeper. The waiting was driving him insane. _

_ The engine suddenly roared to life and the headlights sliced like white knives through the blinds. Jasper jumped up. His rain boots echoed against the floor as he ran out into the pouring rain. Pools of mud created craters in the earth. Breathlessly he raced towards the car. Cassandra swerved wildly from the lot._

_ "Jasper go back inside!" she screamed. "Please."_

_ He was getting closer, close enough to reach out, and touch the car. But she sped away, digging up damp earth, and splattering his brand new rain jacket, and boots with mud. No. Please. No. "Mommy!" Jasper started to run. He was breathless, and his body ached. The wind lashed against his little body, and the rain beat down on him hard. The car was disappearing, becoming a tiny dot in the distance._

_ Jasper ran for as long as he could. But then his lungs started to close up. He couldn't run. Not anymore. He started to shiver and shake. He was scared. Mommy? Mommy? Please come back. I'm lost. Please come and find me. Rain trickled down his cheeks. Jasper fell onto the ground and started to cry on the side of the road._

_ A blinding light roared towards him. Jasper pushed himself out of the road before the truck could flatten him. He laid in the grass, barely breathing. He was scared. He was so scared. So he closed his eyes, and eventually everything went black. _

**There is a place where the sidewalk ends**

**And before the street begins,**

**And there the grass grows soft and white,**

**And there the sun burns crimson bright,**

**And there the moon-bird rests from his flight**

**To cool in the peppermint wind.**

_ Light eventually poked through the blackness. The hot morning sun beat down on his body. The air was ripe with the perfume of flowers and yesterdays rain. He didn't feel cold anymore. Jasper felt okay, but his heart still ached._

_ "Luckily for you I scared away the crows. They were trying to make a feast of you. But I thought you were alive, so I've been waiting...waiting and keeping the ugly birds away."_

_ Jasper groggily picked himself up from the ground. He heard someone talking to him, but he barely remembered where he was. Last night had been so dark, so he ran after his mom's car, following her vanishing lights to an unknown place._

_ "Coordination seems to be normal. Reflexes?" _

_ Jasper was pushed back onto the ground. He gasped, and was flipped onto his back. He looked up with wide eyes. A young boy, probably the same age as him, was staring down at him with goggles that seemed to magnify his eyes. _

_ "Are you infected?" The little boy asked._

_ Jasper coughed violently. What?_

_ The other boy placed his hand underneath Jasper's chin, and stared into his eyes. "Are you with me or against me? The mutants are coming to take us away...they love no one but themselves, but I'm part of the rebel infraction. You look scared? Why are you scared. I won't hurt you if you're good."_

_ Jasper was confused. "Who are you?" He whispered. "And where am I? Is this Heaven?"_

_ The other boy tilted his head up towards the big blue sky, and then pulled his goggles back. "No. Heaven has tons of chocolate and everyone gets a golden retriever. God made that a rule. So this isn't heaven." He reached in his pocket for a water pistol and pointed it at Jasper's chest. "The journey ahead is long and tedious young soldier but gold awaits for us at the end. We have to go through the jungle, and battle the snakes, and then we can finally be happy."_

_ Jasper looked down at his muddied rain boots. "I need to get back home. I don't want to go through the jungle, or battle the snakes. I just want to go back to my bed."_

_ "You can't go back home." The blonde kid said as if he was surprised that Jasper wanted that. _

_ "Why not?" Jasper asked confused._

_ "Because they'll make you sick." The other boy pointed his water gun at Jasper's face, and pulled the trigger ._

_ "Hey!" Jasper exclaimed as he wiped at the water. "Why'd you do that for!"_

_ "You had mud on your face. I was trying to help. Sorry." The kid pulled off his goggles and looked around. "The sun is positioned at the highest point in the sky. We have a few hours before darkness. We need to start moving. Make up for lost time. I had to make sure no one hurt you, so that slowed me down." _

_ Jasper huddled his legs close to his chest. "I just want to go home."_

_ "Then go." The other boy stood up and walked towards the street. "The infected are back that way. Big houses, with tall people, and greedy eyes. They'll eat you alive, while claiming to love you."_

_ Jasper breathed in and out slowly. His chest felt tight. "Where are your parents?"_

_ "Somewhere. Where are yours?"_

_ Jasper looked around with difficulty. The sun was bright, and the trees were vibrant and green. A gentle breeze wafted across the field, tickling his cheeks. After all the rain yesterday and the darkness, the sun was finally out. _

_ "When's the last time you ate?"_

_ "Am I dead?" Jasper asked considering the isolation he felt, and the strange boy._

_ "No they're dead."_

_ "Who is dead." Jasper asked with wide eyes._

_ "The people that hurt you. The ones that make you cry. They die." The little boy spoke casually. "Their wickedness killed them. But you're alive."_

_ Jasper blinked his eyes a few times. He expected the other kid to disappear into the ether, and the rain to return, but the kid remained. He was dead. He had to be. Because this couldn't be real. This was Heaven? But if this was Heaven, then where was his mom? _

_ Butterflies flapped their colorful wings as they zipped past. Jasper watched carefully as the other boy pulled a sandwich from his book bag. The butterflies flapped around them. "Hello," The boy said to the butterflies. "This sandwich isn't for you. You can't eat human food." He took half for himself, and gave Jasper the rest._

_ "Eat," The little boy instructed. He took a bite and smiled brightly "I hope you like peanut butter. I love peanut butter. Especially when it gets stuck in the back of your teeth."_

_ Jasper bit into the sandwich. He didn't expect to taste it because he still felt like he was dreaming, dreaming or dead. His friend sat down. Jasper studied him even closer, now that the boy wasn't looking at him. He wore mismatched shoes, a sweater that was way too big for him, and shorts. "Are you homeless?" Jasper asked._

_ "No I have a home. It's huge. My parents are doctors. They love surgery. All the surgery they can get. Surgery buffets. They work at the hospital all the time, and leave me home. But it's good. It's really nice." The boy pointed down towards Jasper's house. "No parents just me and the maid. I wish she was my mom."_

_ "Isn't anyone looking for you?" Jasper asked wondering if his parents were doing the same. _

_ His friend looked upwards at the sun. "I don't think so. I'm like a stray dog." He took another bite of his sandwich. His face was expressionless. "I come and go as I please. Besides people need them at hospitals. Every second they're home, that's a second wasted, a life that could've been saved. Other people need them more than me. I'm not sick. At least I don't think so. I had the Chicken Pox once. It felt like I had fleas. Do you think doctors are heroes?"_

_ "When I have asthma attacks I have to go to them sometimes."_

_ The boy nodded slowly. His grey eyes were curious. "And did they fix you? Did they give you a lollipop and a pat on the head? I like lollipops, my favorite kind is blueberry. Blueberries are delicious." His eyebrows creased as he stole a look at Jasper._

_ All Jasper could do was stare at the boy like he was an alien. Strange but yet kind?_

_ "As long as the sun is still shining there is hope." The little boy reached in his bag for a canteen of water and took a sip. "We'll have enough food for a few days. Do you have air for your asthma?"_

_ "Air?" Jasper asked._

_ The little boy simulated an asthma attack and then he used his hands to mimic an inhaler. "You need air. I can't take you on a journey unless you have that. "_

_ "I can't go anywhere, I have to go home. My mom will be back."_

_ "No she won't. Once they get sick they don't ever come back." The other boy started to walk. He signaled for Jasper to follow behind him. "I'll take you back to the houses. But I can't stay too long. I'm going to get a happy meal from McDonald's, play in the playground, and then I'm going to Neverland, Peter Pan says kids like us would like it there."_

_ "Peter Pan is a Disney movie."_

_ "My favorite," The boy said. "Now we should go. If you have an asthma attack, and you don't have air, then you'll die. And that would make me sad. And kids shouldn't feel sad. Life should be cotton candy and Power Rangers. I'm the red one, which one are you?"_

***

**Edward's POV**

---

_"Okay what book do you want me to read?" Elizabeth Masen asked._

_ "I can read." Alice volunteered heartily._

_ Elizabeth smiled. "Alice why on earth would you want to revoke me of my duties! Am I that horrible of a storyteller."_

_ "No," Alice wrapped her arms around Elizabeth and gave her a tight hug. "You're the best. Better than daddy."_

_ Elizabeth's mouth dropped. "Oh...just don't tell your dad that. He puts a lot of effort in his different voices."_

_ Alice giggled and placed her hand over her mouth. "Shh,"_

_ Elizabeth smiled warmly. "Dr. Edward Cullen, what do you say? Oh." She adjusted her arm underneath me. "He's out cold. Poor thing. He's been running errands all day."_

_ "Everyone loves Edward around here." Alice said softly. "Everyone asks him to read to them. They think he's really smart. No one asks me to read though, but I'm smart too."_

_ "Well then they're missing out." Elizabeth stated. "You really want to read to me don't you Alice?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "Well then go for it." Elizabeth said._

_ I was awake. I was listening to everything but I was so tired. It was exhausting reading five different books, and changing my voice like my dad's. It took a lot of effort to do that. I heard Alice reading. It reminded me of when we used to sneak into each other's rooms at night and read our mom's romance novels to each other. The books never made much since._

_ But we giggled anyways. Because some words were nasty._

_ Alice was reading Shel Silverstein. She stumbled over a few words but Elizabeth patiently corrected her, without stopping the flow of Alice's reading. After Alice was finished Elizabeth jumped into praising her. _

_ "You would make a really good teacher." Alice said. "Like my mom."_

_ "Thank you Allie." _

_ "Miss Elizabeth can I ask you a question?" Alice asked._

_ "You can ask me anything beautiful."_

_ "Where are your parents? Why don't they come and visit you?"_

_ I peeked open an eyelid. I had been wondering that question for a while now. If I was sick, I knew my mom and dad would visit me everyday and hold me in their arms. I imagined that I could get through anything with their love, a few kisses and chicken noodle soup._

_ "Hmm," Elizabeth's pale skin creased with difficulty. _

_ "Can we call them?" Alice asked._

_ Elizabeth coughed and then she let out a weak laugh. "That would be an expensive phone call. They live all the way in Texas."_

_ "The state with cowboys?" Alice asked._

_ "Yes that state."_

_ "I like cowboys." Alice said smiling brightly. "And so does Edward. He wants to kiss a cowboy on the cheek...but that's nasty...kissing...kissing people you don't know."_

_ "It will seem nasty until you get older. One day you'll meet someone Alice, and you'll think he's the most beautiful boy ever, and it'll be like magic."_

_ Alice stuck out her tongue. "Did you ever meet a boy that made you see magic?"_

_ "Oh you're asking the tough questions today."_

_ "Sorry, Edward wonders the same things, but he won't let me ask you. He says it's rude, but you're my friend and I love you, so it's not rude right?"_

_ "No Alice. You're too sweet to have a rude bone in your body." Elizabeth clicked her tongue. "Well let me see, there was a boy who I fell in love with."_

_ "Then call him. He can come and bring his magic to fix you. Because Edward and I are trying." Alice said softly. "We're trying to heal you, but it's so hard. That's why Edward is reading to everyone here, he thinks he can heal them all. He can right?"_

_ There was a moment of silence._

_ I watched Elizabeth closely. My heart thudded against my chest. I knew that people died in hospitals...everyone couldn't live, but reading helped. It made people feel less alone. It warmed them up, and made them happy. _

_ "This hospital is the best in Savannah, because we have top rate doctors, and you guys. Children have a way of making the world bright and happy. There is innocence and so much love. I feel so happy when I get to see you guys. I feel hopeful, and for a second I forget that I'm in a drafty hospital room...right now we're in Jamaica. Sipping martinis...no, I'm a sipping a martini, and you guys are drinking orange juice. The waves feel nice, and the sand is hot. I'm happy. I feel loved, and if that's not one of the best cures, then I don't know what is."_

_ "Until they come. Your family or the magic man. Edward and I will keep trying to heal you. It's exhausting. But we're doing our best."_

_ Elizabeth looked down. I thought I saw her eyes water. "I'm going to page your father now. The weather is nice. You should go outside and play Alice, run on the beach, fly kites, and Edward should be sleeping in his bed. This hospital is too cold for him."_

_ I opened my eyes. "We're in Jamaica."_

_ Elizabeth let out a startled breath. "Edward. I thought you were sleeping."_

_ "I'll sleep when my dad sleeps." I boasted. "There is so much work to be done."_

_ "Kids," Elizabeth said gently. "Do you know what I was doing when I was your age? I was riding bikes, and watching Disney movies. Believe me everyone in this hospital loves to see you guys. But you're children! Go play! I demand it. Esme would faint if she heard you guys talking about sleeping the same time as your dad, and taking shifts to heal people!" _

_ "I would go and take you to the beach myself if it wasn't for this weak body of mine." Elizabeth scoffed with a smile._

_ "You'll be strong soon." Alice said rubbing Elizabeth's arm._

_ Elizabeth remained silent. _

_ I knew that look. It was the same look my parents gave me when I asked for a puppy on Easter. Elizabeth didn't believe that she was going to get better. But she had to._

***

I felt arms wrap around me. I was disoriented and lost. Where was I?

"He was naked! I saw him! _Naked_! Get back here you nasty little fuck. Disgusting ass teenagers. They get to college and lose their fucking minds! Get back here you nasty little shit. You're not going to get one over on Penelope T. Stewart. I'm the new RA, the HBIC, and I won't stand for public nudity. Get your little dick back here!"

A door slammed.

Who was talking? Why did she sound so scary and why was she yelling? The lights were bright. I was so dizzy. Huh?

The voice was getting louder. It was coming closer.

"I'll get you kicked out of this hall. Hell I'll get you kicked out of this university! I don't know what kind of shit your last RA let you get away with. But I've worked with hardened criminals. I've been shanked by a big gap toothed woman, and I survived. And I've had more death threats than Spencer and Heidi combined but I'm still here. So no, I'm not scared of some bad ass college students. I'll fix ya. Show yourself!."

Someone was dragging me. What? I heard something swish into place. I vaguely made out the bathroom. The sinks, the lights, the tiles underneath my bare feet. He was breathing fast behind me. The door opened. The voice was louder. Everything was coming into view. The bright light. The voice I didn't recognize, and then hot water fell onto me. I gasped and then he clamped his hands over my mouth.

I could feel him behind me. He was strong, and he wrapped me up tightly. I was suddenly scared. I still didn't know what was going on. Through the blinding water. I turned around expecting to see Jacob, but instead I saw _Emmett_. My eyes widened in horror. I backed him against the wall ready to beat the shit out of him in my confused state. But he wrestled me to him. His expression was worried.

"If you want to get in serious trouble then keep fighting me." He warned

I was furious. How did this happen? How the hell did I end up in a shower with Emmett. I looked down. And I was naked! Oh no. Oh fuck no! Fuck! What the hell was going on? The last thing I remembered was losing my virginity to Jacob. Something was horribly wrong here.

Emmett pulled off his damp shirt. I could feel his cold skin against mine.

_No_. This was so wrong.

He pulled back the curtains. "What can I do for you sweetness?"

"I saw a naked boy. He was walking, naked as Matthew McConoghuey playing the bongos, where is he? Where is that filthy whore. I saw him with you. You picked him up. You were too fast. I didn't see his face. Just his legs as you dragged him away. He's in there isn't he? The naked ho is in there."

"Grams, sorry to kill your buzz. But the only in here is me. Man that must be some good weed." Emmett snickered.

I backed against the wall. Things were slowly starting to fall into place. I must've been _sleepwalking_ again. And I was naked, because that was how I went to sleep, with Jacob. I closed my eyes. God. This was so embarrassing. I looked at Emmett's muscular back, red now, where the hot water was running down his flesh.

This was not good. Not good at all. How did I conveniently sleep walk to Emmett? Why was he here anyways? He didn't live in Cambridge. What the hell. I was so fucked.

"What's your name young man." The woman sneered.

"My name is Dick, ma'am."

"_Dick_?"

"Yeah like Richard. My parents named me Richard. But my friend's call me Dick."

"And why do I get the feeling that is all you are. A big, obnoxious, dick." She growled. "Let me tell you. The last RA on this floor was an old harlot that spread her legs for any college student that would hit that soggy fanny. But _me_, I'm not scared of worthless, pieces of trash like you. In fact, I eat washed up frat boys, with no future for breakfast. So bring it on _Van Wilder._ I'll grind you like ground beef and scarf you down like cheerios. Got it."

"Lovely. I prefer my cheerios with a little extra sugar, _suga_." Emmett said. "And I'll only let you grind me like ground beef if you promise to toss my salad."

The woman barked something that sounded demonic and then stormed away. Her footsteps echoed like Godzilla's. If she was our new RA, then everyone on this floor was in some serious trouble.

I heard a loud slamming sound and then there was silence.

Emmett looked after her with a smirk, and then his face went serious when he looked at me. "God, what's up with them hiring psychos on this floor. That woman said she worked with hardened criminals. Fuck, she looks like one. I'd even bet that she used a stone to carve that jagged face. Lookin' like Medusa. And Cullen what the fuck?"

I closed my eyes. "What are you doing here."

"Um me...hmm. Just the usual. Having a stroll, walking my miniature schnauzer, and wondering why you're giving the whole floor a sneak peak of your twig and berries " Emmett turned off the shower. He looked down at me and his jaw went slack. The smile disappeared. His cheeks reddened.

"_Stop_."

"Stop what." He asked licking his lips.

"Staring at me. Stop."

"Well you are naked. And I am insanely attracted to you. This whole problem would be solved if you grew a uni-brow, and lost a few IQ points so you could be to um...Jake's level, and then we might not have this problem."

I quickly picked up his damp shirt and used it to cover myself up.

Emmett smiled crookedly. "That shirt looks better on you, than it ever did on me. So when you give it back, don't bother washing it. Actually I would prefer it if you didn't."

"Is she gone?" I asked shakily ignoring all of Emmett's come ons.

"Your RA? Busted chopped up Leatherface? I think so. Good thing she didn't catch you, or else she might've made some stew. Kill the college students, take their souls, she'll probably need fifty to stay young." Emmett paused and his face reddened again. "Do you always sleep _naked_?'

"That is none of your business." I looked right outside the curtain. My arm slid across Emmett's skin. I quickly pulled back like he was the apple in Eden. On top of sleep walking nude, the last thing I needed was for Jacob to catch me in here with Emmett. He would never believe that I was innocent. Because this looked so fucking guilty.

"Bells and I were hanging out." Emmett informed me.

I looked at him confused.

"The reason why I was here Angel Face." Emmett bit his lip. "When I was about to leave, I saw you, looking high and heading towards the stairs. _Naked_. I thought you were high so I grabbed you and had full intentions of taking you back to your room. But then that banshee of a woman rolled out with everything but a machete, and hair curlers. I would've given you back to Jake, but if we went back to your dorm room she would've known it was either you or Jake. And I think she saw your great legs man."

My eyebrows furrowed.

"Which means she would've known it was you. Jake's too tan to have those pale legs." Emmett looked down at me again and then closed his eyes. "Sorry," he breathed. "I know this looks about as suspicious as me in a church, but I didn't have any diabolical intentions for tonight. I'm saving that for tomorrow." Emmett gave me a small smile. "But are you high?"

"No Emmett. I'm not high."

"So you were sleepwalking then?"

I felt so embarrassed.

Emmett smiled softly. "Like a little kid." He tapped my cheek. "Even when he's legal, he's still kiddie porn."

I bowed my head.

Emmett cleared his throat. "You should get back to him. And for both our sakes, put on some clothes. I don't want to have to bail you out of jail tomorrow, or go hunting after that freak woman if you go missing." His voice lowered. "Okay?"

His breaths filled the cramped shower when I didn't say anything. "I won't tell anyone. I can keep secrets. At least I can keep yours. Goodnight Edward."

I watched as he stepped out of the shower.

"Emmett?" I said feebly.

"Yeah Angel?"

"Don't call me that. I'm dating Jake. We're together. So you can't call me that."

Emmett blinked. "Yes?"

"Let me at least get you a shirt. It's winter and you can't go outside like that."

"This is summer. I'm from Alaska remember?"

My cheeks warmed.

"And anyways, you don't want to risk Jacob finding you with me. I prefer not getting caught when I'm on my missions, but tonight doesn't count." Emmett's voice was shaking. "I'll just get a shirt from Bella. I'm sure she has something small enough to squeeze into." Emmett laughed. "That should be fun."

***

**The Next Morning**

Jacob's kisses were soft and tender. Gentle reminders of the passion that had escalated last night. My body was wrapped up securely in his. I felt safe like this. As if I had been here in his arms all night. His chest rose up and down in a steady rhythm against my back, and I could feel his breath gently tickling my ear. I snuggled deeper into the contours of his body. He murmured something sleepily and then I felt his lips brush my cheek light as a feather. I smiled and closed my eyes. Last night was slipping further away. I decided to split my thoughts between Jacob and the first day of school.

I already knew that I would have trouble staying awake so I hoped like hell that my professors kept it simple. I didn't feel like introducing myself, or telling strangers that I had a twin, I liked 80's music, and I was a Biology major. I just wanted a syllabus, a quick speech on expectations, and then a one-way ticket back to Jacob. The thought of sex in between classes didn't sound like a bad idea either. I was tired, but I craved sex more than sleep.

It was strange how so much could change in one day. Yesterday I was on top of the world. Jacob took me to his house and he showed me how much he cared. I didn't think it was possible for him to show me anymore of his love than he already had. He cooked dinner for me, let me teach him how to swim, and told me some of his secrets that I knew he wouldn't share with anyone else. I thought he was so beautiful. He had gone through more that most eighteen year olds, but when it came to tackling his demons he did so with amazing finesse.

When we sat by the campfire and he burned the fear box and his dad's sweater, I could see his scars. The pain in his eyes made me want to cry. I found myself wishing that I could've had his life in exchange for mine, if that's what it would've taken to fix him. I never thought it was possible to love him anymore than I already did, until yesterday.

He was kissing my back now. His hands traced soft circles against my skin. I let out a soft moan. _Sex_. With the exception of his boxer briefs, which I was wearing, we were both naked. His skin was warm against my cool flesh. I could feel his morning wood poking my ass. I was all too tempted to ask him to fuck me again before class. I was still a little sore though. Jacob was gentle last night, but regardless, I expected pain and pleasure, and in the beginning it hurt like hell, but by the end of it, I didn't want him to take his dick out of me.

I wiggled underneath the covers turning my body towards his. His eyes, drops of dark roast coffee in the dull light were trained on mine. I smiled when I saw him bury his face in the pillow so all I could see now was his eyes. Not his full lips that made me sated with love and sex whenever I sampled them. This felt so _good_. Waking up to him, wrapped up in his arms like a tourniquet. I was looking forward to doing this for the rest of the semester. If he would have me for that long of course.

"What are you doing Jake?" I asked him.

"Morning breath is not the sexiest thing in the world."

I smirked. "I don't care about your morning breath."

"Well I do," He threw back the covers. "I'm going to brush my teeth and then we can lie in bed all sexy and naked."

I licked my lips. "What time is your first class?"

He was standing over me now. His cock was sticking straight up.

"Breakfast looks good." I said eyeing his erection. Apparently I was extra horny this morning.

Jacob's cheeks reddened as if he was embarrassed.

My whole face warmed. I couldn't help that my hormones were jumping all over the place.

"My first class is at ten."

Mine was at nine. We still had some time. I watched as Jacob jumped onto the floor. He slipped on his white Jockey's, grabbed everything he needed to brush his teeth, and then put on his flip-flops.

"I'll be right back. Don't you go anywhere." He winked. His voice was sexy and rough. And I liked the way his dark hair was matted and unkempt.

Mornings. I was going to love mornings.

I figured that I would join him as well. _Back to the scene of the crime_. I grabbed Jacob's green mesh shorts, slid them on and grabbed my toothbrush. Unlike Jacob, I waited a few minutes for my morning wood to go down, just in case anyone else was in there besides us. A few minutes later I joined him at the sink. He was bending down, his ass was full and perfect, and I could see his crack from where the boxer briefs sagged a little.

"Oh shit," I stared back at my reflection. I looked horrible. My skin was pale as a ghost, and the darkest purple bags I had ever seen were under my eyes. The lack of sleep I got last night was showing, and damn was it ugly. In addition to the horror that was morning me, there were a collection of hickeys on my neck and _face_. I was surprised that Emmett hadn't said anything about them. Jacob wiped tiredly at his eyes and stifled a yawn.

"I want to do nasty things to you before class." He sung. Jacob met my greenish-blue orbs in the mirror. His eyes widened for a second. "_Fuck_. Did I do that?" Jacob placed his hands to my cheek and turned my face to his. His thick eyebrows knitted together. "Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?"

An embarrassing silence lingered in the air. Jacob was looking at me like I was porcelain now, as if one kiss, or touch of his hands might make me shatter into a million pieces. Damn. I knew I had sensitive skin. But I didn't know it was _this_ sensitive.

"Jake it's not a big deal. I'm fine."

"It doesn't even look like hickeys on your neck. It looks like I bit you...like I bit you with the intention to hurt." He looked really upset. "Fuck."

Why was he taking this so hard? I'd been in fights before. Guys got in a few punches. I got bruised. It was no big deal because I usually ended up on the better end of it. "I bruise easily."

"And if you tell Alice that..."

My mouth dropped. "C'mon Jake. No one's going to think that you're abusing me. That's the most ridiculous thing I heard of, _ever._" I took the toothpaste from him and layered some on my toothbrush. As I brushed my teeth, he still stood over me, I was sure he was eyeing my neck as if he had drawn blood only a few hours ago. "Jake seriously." I said as I spat into the sink.

He left me alone in the bathroom. I heard the door swing shut behind him. I looked in the mirror analyzing the bruises that would surely fade with time. I sighed and joined him back in the room. He was sitting on his bed and tossing a football up into the air. I took a seat beside him. I had a feeling that he was bothered by something more than the hickeys.

I swallowed. There was only one other thing I could think of. Was it the sex last night? Maybe he didn't enjoy it as much as I thought he did? He seemed happy when we woke up together, but maybe that was a front, and I was too preoccupied with sleepwalking naked, and being dragged into the shower by Emmett to realize that.

My heart rate quickened. It would suck like hell if he regretted sleeping with me. Even if I didn't have that much experience, I wanted to make him feel good on some level. A barrage of worried thoughts attacked me ruthlessly.

"I'm going to go to the gym before classes." Jacob said.

I almost nodded, but then I reached out and circled my hand around his wrist. "You can't go yet."

Jacob seemed a little shocked by my response. "Okay?"

I blinked with difficulty. "The hickeys will go away. I'm not so breakable."

"Of course they'll go away." He traced his fingers lightly against my cheek. His eyes gave away nothing.

"Then why are you being distant with me now?"

Jacob licked his lips. He dropped his hand down to his knee, and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then he promptly closed it. "I don't want to talk about it now."

_But I did_.

I let him go. "If you try to leave I'll tackle you to the floor." I tried to smile to suggest that I was joking, but a part of me was serious as hell. He just started letting me in, so I wasn't going to let him push me away, just because we were dating. I was still his friend above everything.

"I was irresponsible." Jacob finally spoke up. He stood and went to his closet. "Very irresponsible."

"Irresponsible? How?" I asked my heart hammering against my chest. I stopped breathing for a second.

"I was irresponsible with you." Jacob clenched his jaw. "We shouldn't have..." He paused.

I forced myself up. I could hear the words lingering in the air. _Shouldn't have_. Please don't say it. Please don't tell me you regretted sleeping with me. I could think of few things that could break me. But I knew _that_ confession, would. Last night was so important to me, it was more than just the physical aspect of sleeping with Jacob, it was also the emotional intensity that we shared.

"Come here baby," He said with the utmost tenderness. I could see that his face was creased with pain as if he didn't want to hurt me. But I let him pull me towards him. He wrapped me up tightly in his arms. I grabbed onto his shirt holding him tightly to me. Breathing in his scent. Desperately, maybe even a little foolishly.

What did I do wrong? I didn't have any pride left when it came to Jacob. I was stripped and stupid. He was the most important person to me, and we had come so far together, that I couldn't imagine building my walls back up. No one could tear me down like he could.

"Edward stop thinking _you_ did anything wrong. I can see it all over your face."

"Well I'm going to think that until you tell me what's going on."

He closed his eyes and pressed his nose against mine. "There is only one thing that I would change about last night."

I looked into his eyes trying to keep my expression calm and collected.

Jacob took my hand and we took a seat back on his bed. He brought his knees up to his chest. "You trust me too much."

I gave him a small smile. I tried not to think about where he was going with this, until he said it. Jacob never let me forget how much I trusted him.

"Last night was good." Jacob said with a nod. He stared straight ahead. "I felt closer to you than I ever felt to anyone, and I honestly never wanted it to end. I fucking love you Edward, so much that I stayed up all night asking myself why I didn't just go to CVS or something and buy condoms."

I looked down at my clasped hands. He was upset about _condoms_. I wasn't stupid. I would've used condoms with anyone else.

"I know my history. But you don't."

"Yes I do." I spoke up stubbornly.

Jacob frowned. "I thought about it briefly before we did it but then I got carried away. I just wanted to have sex with you so badly." Jacob looked into my eyes. "I don't deserve that much trust from you Edward, at least not yet."

"Then we can use condoms from now on."

Jacob stared deeply into my eyes. "That's not my point." He caressed my cheek with his thumb. "Before you got to know me I was a habitual liar. I did it without realizing it. Lying was how I saved face, but still you think the best of me."

I swallowed.

"And now I've told you every truth there is to tell about me. You know me like a book Cullen, the ugly, the good, the embarrassing, you know it all. But that doesn't change my history. I love you enough to protect you from _me_." He laughed feebly to himself. A tortured chuckle. "All I'm saying is that I feel like I still need to work for your trust and love, and that I don't deserve that much trust."

My lips thinned as I looked back at him. I knew that he had every reason to feel this way, but the same argument could've been made for me. What if I lied and told him that I was a virgin, while I secretly liked to fuck and suck every guy that looked at me the right way? He couldn't be absolutely sure of that. So if he wanted to blame himself, then he needed to turn around and blame me too.

"I might be younger than you by a few months but believe me I'm very aware of my decisions. If I lost my virginity to anyone else, I would've made sure that the guy used a condom, but for the last time you're not just anyone. You're you."

"You're all I got." Jacob said sounding far away. "And I don't want to mess up. If Alice sees all those hickeys on you she's going to know for sure that you're having sex. Believe me Edward she's going to ask you if you're being safe, and if you say no. She's going to think you're an idiot."

I got down on my knees in front of him. "Alice doesn't need to know everything. And what I do with you behind closed doors is our business. " I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my cheek against his chest. "So stop trying to find things to worry about Jake."

Jacob rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. I heard him tell me that he loved me a few times in my ear. I could tell that he was still bothered about the hickeys and having unprotected sex. But I wasn't. And at the same time, I wasn't going to go running to Alice to tell her that, because I knew she would kill me.

***

"Jake's not joining us for breakfast?" Bella asked as I met her at the diner.

"No, he went to the gym." I said.

"You look exhausted." Bella bit her lip. "I take it you didn't get any sleep last night either."

"Not really." I racked my hands through my hair.

Bella stared at me silently. "You okay Edward?" She playfully bumped into me.

"I am. How was your break?"

Bella moved her mouth to the side thoughtfully. "_Hell_. I visited my dad in Forks. That was uneventful, and my mom came up with her husband, and that was just awful. Charlie and Renee still have feelings for each other, but not the kind that make married couples work." She waved her hand. "It was just a mess."

"Oh," I said.

"Now it's your turn. I missed you guys." Bella admitted. "Especially you and Jake. How is the hot man love going?"

I looked down at my Converses. "How do you stop the people you love from hurting?" The question just fell out of my mouth. Luckily I threw that question out at Bella, because she wouldn't look at me like I was crazy for going from mute to random in a second.

Bella lost her smile. She obviously was caught off guard. "You can't."

All I was in the mood for was cereal, so I helped myself to some Frosted Flakes.

"First day of classes." Bella sighed attempting to change the subject. "At least I don't have Math this year. I barely got through last semester with a C-, because Emmett McCarty has the patience of saint."

I couldn't imagine that I was being the best company right now, moving alongside Bella like a zombie. We grabbed a table over by a window. I took a few bites of cereal as I thought over last night. Bella wasn't looking at me anymore, as if she respected the wall I had up right now. "I'm sorry Bella. If you want to make a quick escape now. I would totally understand."

"Nah, I'm good right here." She poked at her eggs as if they were alive.

We sat in silence for a little while longer. "Jake came out to his family."

Bella stopped playing with her eggs, at first the faintest smile crossed her face, and then she looked concerned. "He was so scared about telling them. I can't believe he...wow, I thought it would take a while before he felt comfortable enough to do that. Is he okay?"

"Sometimes." I rested my hand against his cheek. "On one hand I feel like he's coming to peace with some of his past, but there is still a lot of shit he needs to deal with. It's not fair that he has no one to turn to besides me." My eyes drifted to hers. "_Us_,"

"You make him happy." Bella said. She pushed away her tray. "Just remember that he came out for you. God, he was so scared about telling me. So I can't imagine how frightening it was to tell his _family_."

"I know he is still scared." I added. "He never told me that he wasn't. But he has been doing everything he can to let me in. He was so perfect yesterday. I found out things about him that I never knew, and I feel like we're so much closer because of it."

Bella smiled. "You always have to go through a ton of shit before you can get your happy ending. But you two are meant to be. Jake wouldn't risk all of this for just anyone. You're it Edward. I just know it."

I saw Jasper sit down at a table with a blonde girl. She was significantly shorter than him and she wore a sunny smile. I watched as she pulled the sunglasses from her head and placed them over Jasper's eyes. He smiled, but his smile looked like more of a frown as he took her sunglasses off. I watched him out of habit.

I noticed that one of his eyes was swollen.

"What are we looking at?" Bella asked curiously. She followed my gaze towards Jasper. "Who is _she_?" Bella shook her head. It was funny that she noticed the girl before his swollen eye.

"Look at his eye." I said.

"Ouch," Bella commented. I could tell that she was still trying to figure out who the blonde girl was. "He's in ROTC, and Alice told me he's also into martial arts. Either he got that black eye from a mean street fight, or insert any physical activity into the mix. What do we really now about Jasper anyways besides the fact that he is a good fighter and wants to join the army?"

"All I know is that Alice likes him." I said. I stole a piece of bacon from Bella. She smiled and then measured out the food on her plate into two separate halves.

"I got more food than I needed. _Eat_." Bella stood up and took the seat beside me. "I want him to know that we're watching him. He can't make Alice like him and then traipse across campus with some blonde whore." Bella shoveled some eggs into her mouth. "He better be careful or he'll find his eyebrows missing like Paul's."

"She _could_ just be his friend." I said motioning to the blonde.

"Could be, but she obviously likes him." Bella pointed out. "Look at the way she laughs, fake as hell. And look, she just touched his hand." Bella shook her head. "I wish Rosalie was here because you know she would walk right over there and demand answers with a skillet pan in the other hand."

"In that case I wish Rosalie _wasn't_ here." I said. "If Jasper still likes Alice then it's up to him to let her know that he's still interested. I never got any bad vibes from him whenever we all hung out."

Bella snorted. "If you did then I'm pretty sure you would've chased him away by now."

"He doesn't come around that often, at least that's what Alice says. But I think it's because she makes him nervous. Jasper seems like he's confident with every one but her, like Alice is his flaw."

"So then you think he's scared of love, like every other person we know around here." Bella commented dryly. "Totally cliché."

"I can't say. But I can say that he's not into that girl he's with. At least not romantically." I tore my eyes away from Jasper. "Thanks for the talk...and the food."

"Anytime." Bella said looking away from Jasper and the blonde girl.

The girl turned to look at Bella and me, her smile faded, and turned into a glare.

***

**Jasper's POV **

---

_"This is my home." Jasper said. He dipped underneath the flower plant by the door and felt around for the key. From the corner of his eye, he saw the blonde boy, open the window and crawl in. "Hey! You can't do that."_

_ A few minutes later the front door opened._

_ "I can do anything." The boy answered. "I hope you don't mind if I stock up on more food. Where is the refrigerator?" _

_ "You can't. My parents wouldn't like that. I can't even take food without asking for it." Jasper walked into his room. The boy followed behind him, his goggles were on again, as if he was using them for protection. Jasper wasn't sure why the odd boy was still with him, but he didn't feel compelled to tell him to go away. His company was nice in a very strange way. Jasper crawled onto his bed. He would just wait here for his mom to come back._

_ "What are you doing?" His friend asked as he searched around Jasper's room._

_ "Waiting." Jasper said._

_ "Waiting for what? Love, hope, a gigantic air balloon to take us to space?"_

_ Jasper closed his eyes. "I'm just waiting."_

_ The other boy took a seat on the floor. He crossed his legs and looked around. "Where's all your toys?"_

_ "Dad took them away." Jasper said. _

_ "Where did he put them? I'll get them back for you."_

_ "My mom can't even get them back. They're in his room. He locks it."_

_ "Wow," The boy said. "I bet there are all kinds of secrets in there."_

_ Jasper wrapped his arms around his body. The seconds ticked by painfully slow. He stole a glance at the kid on the floor. He was lying down on his back with his arms folded, and he was staring up at the ceiling. He had an awed look on his face. "What are you doing?" Jasper asked curiously._

_ "Watching a movie."_

_ "What movie?" Jasper questioned._

_ "The one in my head."_

_ "Oh," Jasper said deciding to leave it at that. He crossed his arms after a few more minutes of silence. "I don't even know your name."_

_ "I don't like telling people my name. Because to give your name is to share your soul. But I'll share with you."_

_ Jasper tilted his head to the side._

_ "My name is Riley. Riley Brière." He extended his hand to shake Jasper's. "I have a feeling that we'll be good friends." _

_ "But you barely know me." Jasper pointed out._

_ "No one really knows anyone." Riley answered. "We're all actors. Some are just better than others."_

_ "I'm not an actor." Jasper said. "I'm just a kid."_

_ Riley smiled brightly. "Me too. But I'm also a dreamer."_

_ Jasper looked down. "What do you dream about?"_

_ "Flying like a bird, swimming like a shark...a vegetarian shark, I say no to killing dolphins, I think they're pretty, and I dream about love, it could save us all. And kill the sickness." Riley pointed to his heart. "Right here," And he pointed to mine. "And there. I wish I could give you all my love, because you have sad eyes."_

_ The front door opened. Jasper heard heavy footsteps._

_ "Jasper. Cassandra?"_

_ "My dad." Jasper said jumping off of the bed. He ran into the hallway leaving Riley on the floor. His heart thumped a little uneasily as it always did, whenever he was close to his dad. _

_ "Jazzy." Victor Whitlock stooped down and wrapped his arms tightly around his son. He smelled of whiskey and oil. His face and arms were stained black with grease. "Where's your mama? We're going out to dinner."_

_ Jasper looked down. He was silent for what felt like a few minutes._

_ "Son I asked you a question." Victor's smile wavered._

_ Jasper looked up._

_ "Jasper." He gripped onto the little boy's arm loosely. "Where. Is. Your. Mother?"_

_ He couldn't will himself to open his mouth. He didn't want to say that she left, because he knew that would make his dad upset. No. He didn't want to make him mad. Jasper thought about lying. _

_ "Did she leave again?" Victor stood up. His lips were thin and angry. He balled his fists and paced around the room with fire slowly building in his eyes. "That fucking slut. Good for nothing idiotic bitch." He took in a rattling breath. "I knew she would pull this shit again. I just knew it."_

_ Jasper folded his arms behind his back. His chest rose up and down. He watched as Riley emerged from his room, the little boy with the goggles, mismatched clothes and shoes. He stood behind Jasper and placed his hands over Jasper's ears._

_ "Fuckin..." Victor paused and looked at his son and then at Riley. "Jasper who is this?" Rage still burned in his eyes._

_ "My friend." Jasper spoke up shakily._

_ "Tell your friend he needs to leave. Because we have to find your mom and drag her back here by her fucking ponytail. She's not going to get away from her responsibilities. She's your mother even if she is worthless."_

_ "You're worthless." Riley spoke up._

_ Jasper bit his lip. And looked at Riley shocked._

_ Victor narrowed his eyes. "What do you say to me?"_

_ Riley remained his ground. "She's probably on a journey. Trying to find somewhere better. Like a town where they have fountains of chocolate. That would be really sweet."_

_ Victor crouched down in front of Riley. His face was purpling with ire "Kid, where are your parents?"_

_ "Saving lives and ignoring mine. But that's good because at least they can't mess me up with their bad UV rays." Riley said with a smile. "You have the same thing as them. So leave Jasper alone. You can't hurt him. I won't allow it. Bad UV rays man"_

_ Victor arched an eyebrow. His expression had shifted from rage to amusement. "You think you're so smart don't you? You think you know me kid? You rude little son of a bitch."_

_ "You'll be okay," Riley pulled off his goggles and slid them on my head, and then over my eyes. "I'll stick around. The journey can wait. Friends never leave friends in the heat of battle. You go down, so do I. Power Rangers."_

_ Victor chuckled sarcastically and then he ripped the goggles off of Jasper's head and flung them against a wall. "Look kid, my wife is fucking missing. Get the fuck out of my house!" With a sudden explosion of anger Victor grabbed Riley by the arm and jerked him towards the door._

_ Riley suddenly kicked Victor in the shin and held out his hand to Jasper. "We should go! Let's go!" _

_ "You little fuck!" Victor yelled and ran after him. He lunged forward but Riley ducked underneath him and then out the door._

_ Jasper watched with a sinking feeling as his peculiar friend ran away. Probably to somewhere better than this. Victor slammed the door shut. Jasper watched as his dad's fists clenched and unclenched. "It's okay Jasper. It's okay. I'll bring your mom back, she'll be back. That fuckin' bitch will be back."_

_ Jasper wanted to tell him not to talk about his mom that way, but he was scared._

_ "Things would've been different with Elizabeth." Victor grunted. "I wouldn't have to put up with this shit every few minutes." He sucked in a mouthful of air. His back was facing Jasper. "Now do you understand why I get so angry with your mom? Look at what she does to me. She leaves us. She leaves you. I could kill her for that. I could kill her."_

***

"Hey Jasper," Bella Swan chirped as she walked past with Edward Cullen.

Jasper snapped out of his daze and looked to his right surprised to see Bella. Edward gave him a tight smile, but kept walking, obviously not wanting to make conversation.

"Hey," Jasper said waving but they had already walked past. He stared after them for a while and then turned back around.

Jane was looking after them crossly. "That was _rude_."

"What was rude?" He asked. "They said hi."

"Are they your friends?"

"Sort of,"

"Well she only said hi to you so she could stare up in my face. And her little boyfriend barely wanted to say anything at all." Jane scoffed. "They didn't even ask you what happened to your face."

Jasper's lips thinned. "And why should they?"

"Because one of your eyes is swollen shut, _Jasper_." Jane swallowed. "I hope you kicked his ass, the guy that did that to you, because if you didn't then I wouldn't mind going against him in the boxing ring." Jane gave Jasper a small smile. "I'd fuck him up properly for messing with you. This little girl packs a mean punch."

Jasper's expression remained stoic. He didn't want to think about Edward or Bella, or his bruises. He just wanted to get through the day with little questions. But it was kind of hard when Jane kept asking him about it, even though he already told he already fed her the lie. Jasper suspected that Jane knew that he was lying. He had been fighting since he was thirteen, so he was skilled enough to walk away with few injuries. But there were some fights he just couldn't win.

Ice ran through his veins at the thought of feeling helpless. Never again. This was it. People didn't change. He wasn't going to give him any more chances. Fuck that. He was never going back home. _Ever again_. Jasper's lips tightened and he suddenly had the urge to pick up his tray and throw it across the room. He was so angry under his cool façade. He hated everything and saw beauty in few things. And he hurt all the fucking time, but no one would know that, because he kept it concealed under an unshakable calmness.

A strand of golden hair fell in front of Jane's wide cinnamon brown orbs. She looked extremely worried. Jasper looked at her. Their eyes locked. Jane didn't dare look away and neither did he. She was his friend, which meant that he should be able to tell her everything, but there were some things he just couldn't share. Jasper was too ashamed to say anything about this.

"Did someone do that to you Jazz?" Jane asked. Her expression was neutral now. Completely unreadable. Jane had a way of concealing her emotions, he could read her about less than half of the time, and this was one of the moments when he couldn't.

"Someone _did._ But I already talked to you about it." Jasper gritted his teeth. "Now drop it Jane." He thought of Riley, and allowed himself to slip away into a dream. _The world and the people in it are just here to amuse us_. Riley used to say. Jasper filled his head with that whenever he got to close to sharing what was under his skin.

Jane arched her eyebrows. "The only reason I'm asking you is because I know you're lying Jasper. With anyone else I would let it go, but I care about you so I can't." Jane stood up and grabbed her purse. "Next time I see you I'm going to ask again, and I'm going to keep asking you until you tell me the truth."

Jasper felt like yelling at her. He wanted to tell her to mind her own fucking business, but he couldn't talk to a woman that way. He swallowed it down. "Bye Jane,"

Jane rested a hand on his shoulder, "When you keep things inside the pain eats away at you like acid. Your skeleton's starting to show. You don't fool me Jasper Whitlock. No one fools me."

***

Jasper stepped into his first class of the day. The lecture hall was packed but luckily there were a few seats in the front. He always sat in the front. He was paying for college on student loans and money from his pocket, so he couldn't afford to fuck up. Jasper drummed his hands on the desk and filled his head with one of his favorite songs 'Sweet Home Alabama' That was another way of tuning out the looks and the voices that greeted him the second he walked in the door. Even though he was mentally trying to send himself somewhere else he came back down the second he saw _her_.

She was an unexpected flash of color, gold and red, dark blue and purple. For a few seconds he forgot everything that had been bothering him before. She was so beautiful. He swallowed down the thickness in his throat as he felt himself stand up to wave her over. He shouldn't have done that because it took time to get a hold of his nerves around her. Alice Cullen made his insides quiver and he had no idea how to rectify that.

She smiled brightly, sunshine effortlessly flowed from her. God she took his breath away. Jasper felt a surge of warmness when Alice hugged him. He felt like a child in her arms, a child that just wanted to be loved. Jasper squeezed his eyes shut forgetting about everyone in the classroom, and held Alice tightly to him. His heart ached like a drum slowly beating. He didn't deserve this much affection from her, because he had been hot and cold all of last semester.

She was always pushing some cause. Every time he looked at her he thought about Dylan, and how she had worked tirelessly to raise money from him. Alice Cullen didn't seem to belong in this world. She was happy. Happy like Riley. Jasper would fight anyone to the death who tried to take away their happiness, and because of that, he knew that he loved Alice. In his heart. Filled with hate. He loved her.

"You smell nice." Alice chirped. He was holding her so tightly. Jasper let go, his hands touched her chestnut hair, which she was growing out. "Very sexy cologne."

Jane had brought the cologne for him as a Christmas present. Jasper didn't usually wear cologne, but he knew he was seeing Jane today, so he wore it only to distract her from the bruises. Jasper felt a wave of relief at knowing that he would have an entire semester of sitting next to Alice. He would have a reason to be near her, a reason that didn't make him feel like he was dragging her down.

"Honey, what happened to your eye?" Alice delicately brought her hand to his face. She turned his head so she could get a better look. "Ouch."

Usually Jasper would've pulled away from anyone who tried to get a closer look, but it was okay for Alice to touch him.

Jasper smiled gently, "Battle wound."

"From where?" Alice asked still wincing.

Jasper opened his mouth to tell her from boxing, but then the professor came in, and he allowed that distraction to keep him from lying to her. Alice was still looking at him though.

"Why do boys insist on being so tough?" She said. "Right after class I'm going to put some ice on it..."

"Alice,"

"And you're going to let me," She looked away and smiled softly. "Unless you want another black eye." Alice teasingly wagged her fist.

***

Jasper sat down on the steps right outside the Art-Sociology building. Alice had left him a few minutes ago to get ice. She told him not to leave, and basically threatened to handcuff him to a pole, if he even thought about leaving. Now he was watching as students shuffled past him, all in a hurry. But he barely noticed their faces because he was looking for Alice, and all her colors. Jasper finally spotted her, in her purple tights, with sunglasses. The wind whipped her chocolate tresses around her face. Jasper rested his hand on his cheek and watched her in silence.

Alice skipped up each step towards him like a giddy child and then took a seat on the steps. She took her purse from around her shoulders and placed it on the step below them. "Relax," she said.

"I am relaxed." Jasper responded putting on a smile.

"No you're _not_ relaxed. You have an Edward expression on. A mean serious mug." Alice giggled. "But just like Edward, the people closest to you know that you're a softie,"

Jasper looked down and licked his lips. Alice was co close that her necklace made of tiny silver discs and suns touched his arm. Her fingers grazed his skin. He shivered.

"Lay down," Alice patted her lap.

Jasper swallowed, "What?"

"For a guy that wants to be in the military you sure are squeamish." Alice narrowed her eyes at him. "Jasper my nickname isn't Jaws. I don't bite."

"Now you're just being cruel." Jasper breathed.

Alice tilted her head to the side. "Cruel to be kind,"

He took in a few shallow breaths. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Jasper eased his book bag off of his shoulders and positioned his body to rest his head in Alice's lap. His whole body was shaking like a leaf. He really needed to get a hold of himself. Jasper closed his eyes and for a moment everything went dark.

"Not so bad huh?" she asked

"Not so bad." He repeated.

Alice turned her hand over and caressed his cheek. She then placed the ice on his eyes. He felt a soft sting, but it felt good. Alice hummed quietly to herself. Jasper allowed himself to drift away. He was flying in the sky. And he felt happy.

**Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black**

**And the dark street winds and bends.**

**Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow**

**We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,**

**And watch where the chalk-white arrows go**

**To the place where the sidewalk ends.**

***

**Edward's POV**

---

I took a seat at one of the desks arranged in a circle. I could already tell that this class _wasn't_ going to be fun. The professor was up front writing on the board. She wore bright colors, that all clashed, and her hair was a mess. I needed a Dr. Pepper or Coffee stat to wake me up.

Since there was five minutes until class officially started I took off my sweater and made a pillow on my desk. I closed my eyes and tried to drift off. But then I heard music, loud rap music, and a distinctive voice singing along to it. _Emmett_. Why did he insist on bringing a soundtrack with him wherever he went? I considered sitting up to say hi to him, but then I thought darkly about last night. Naked. Sleepwalking. Showers. He stopped singing. I guess he spotted me.

I opened my eyes, but didn't sit up.

Someone took a seat next to me. I knew it was him because his cologne was distinguishable.

"The hickeys gave you away." Emmett commented with amusement in his voice.

I frowned and sat up to look at him. "Hi Emmett."

"Looks like Jake had a feast last night. Your skin must taste delicious."

I went to put back on my sweater, but Emmett took it away from me.

"_Emmett_?"

He wrapped my sweater up in his arms. "How badly do you want it."

Was he seriously playing games with me after last night? What the hell?

"I'm not going to play games with you." I said.

"What will you do for it?" He repeated.

"How about kick your ass."

Emmett smiled wider. "You wouldn't kick my ass."

"Wait five seconds and see."

"I have a theory. I've been thinking about it since last night. Do you wanna hear it cutie?"

"How about no."

"You like me."

"No I don't."

"Why not? I like you."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Are you even in this class."

"Maybe? Maybe not."

I made a grab for my sweater but Emmett took my hand.

"Emmett, I will punch you."

"Then hit me. I won't hit you back. You know that."

I looked down at my hand in his. "I don't want to play games Emmett. I'm serious."

"You looked scared about something last night? Why were you scared." I could still see his asshole smile, but there was something in his eyes, that I was too scared to pick up on.

"I wasn't scared. I was just sleepwalking."

A few students came into the classroom. Emmett was _still_ holding my hand, and I wanted to punch him in the face, I wanted too, but I couldn't. I tried to wiggle my hand free, but he held on tighter. I thought he understood that I was with Jacob. He said he understood that.

"I think that you care about me." Emmett finally said before letting me go. He smiled sweetly. "And you know why I think that?"

I held out my hand for my sweater.

"Jake has always hated me, but despite the fact that I've been as ass, since we first met you keep letting me come around you." Emmett handed me back my sweater. "All you have to do is hit me. Fuck me up really good Cullen. And I'll leave you alone."

My eyebrows furrowed. I would _never_ touch him. "Jake doesn't hate you." I looked away from Emmett's eyes. "He just doesn't understand you."

"And you do?" Emmett asked. He was whispering now.

I was careful with my words. "I understand that Rosalie loves you, and Bella has defended you since the first day I called you an asshole. If Bella sees something human in you, then I guess I do too."

"So then kiss me Edward and see just how human I am."

"_No_," I said looking at Emmett seriously, "And what part don't you understand about I have a boyfriend. I refuse to be your recreation or whatever the fuck you want to use me for. I love Jacob. You know that. I love _him_, okay."

Emmett took my hand and balled it into a fist. "How long have you been sleep walking?"

"I just started."

"Your nose is growing _Pinocchio_." Emmett teased. "I know that you're with Jake. I get it. You two are fucking epic. The wedding invitations have already been decorated by your twin. I get it to the point of nausea."

"Then what are you doing here Emmett?" I asked looking into his eyes. His thumb stroked mine. He still had my fist curled into a ball. Like he was begging me to hit him.

"Stop this." I told him.

"I can't." Emmett moved his mouth to the side. "There is a line, a line that I shouldn't cross. I was good last semester, but I don't know if I can behave myself this semester. Halos were never for me anyways."

I arched an eyebrow.

Emmett looked at my neck again and then he cursed under his breath. It was as if he was possessed for a second and then realization jolted him back to earth. "Don't worry. I'm probably going to drop this class anyways." Emmett let go of my hand. "I'm putting myself in time out," He said with a smile. "Bad behavior."

He stood up and crossed the room.

When Emmett was sitting beside me I heard everything he said. I was trying to push it down and play stupid, but I heard him, clearer than ever. He obviously wanted me to push him away, how many times did he ask me to punch him? I watched as he started talking to a guy next to him. Emmett looked so unaffected across the room. And he was ignoring me, like he used to do, randomly during last semester.

But I was affected by it. I was affected by him and his feelings.

I didn't want to hurt Emmett...I believed that I could love him if I tried. Maybe I _did_ in some deep dark repressed corner of my soul, but I couldn't tap into that. And I wouldn't. My feelings for Jacob were stronger than anything I ever felt, and we were connected in a way that I could never be with Emmett. But I couldn't will myself to tell Emmett that, if he needed me to break his heart then I would let him down.

I felt someone staring at me. On the other side of the room was a boy with brunette hair, and cinnamon brown eyes, his expression was dark. I looked around to make sure that he was staring at me, and not anyone else. His eyes didn't waver. I stared back at him. _Was he trying to intimidate me_. Finally he looked away. What the fuck?

"Welcome to Introduction to Theatre." The professor sung. She literally sung it. She walked briskly around the room, her billowing clothes flying, around her thin frame. "Actors! We are all actors! Every day we step into the role. Teacher. Lover. Parent. Sexual Deviant." She chuckled at the last part. "But we all have roles. Some darker than others." She looked at a few people in the classroom and then snapped her fingers. "Someone, please volunteer."

The dark haired boy who had been staring at me stood up.

"Ah wonderful. An A for participation for you. Tell me your name dear."

"Alec Ambrosio."

"What's your role Alec?" The professor asked with an encouraging smile.

"Pretender. _He's_ pretending that he doesn't love him, when it's painfully obvious that he does."

"He? Ah. Who are you playing?" The professor said.

Alec looked at Emmett, "I'm not playing me."

Even though Alec was looking right at Emmett, Emmett ignored him. Staring straight ahead as if he could go to sleep at anytime.

The professor smiled at Alec, "Unrequited Love anyone."

"What?" Alec said with his mouth agape. "I don't love anyone. Especially not him. No I..."

"Sweetheart. I didn't accuse you of liking anyone. We're driven by different motives. Our lives are shaped by the people we encounter. We change, we grow, we love, we get hurt. It's a cycle. But in order to live we must know. So we're going to do introductions a little differently since this is an acting class."

"I've paired you up in teams of twos, and I want you to spend fifteen minutes getting to know your partner. Ask questions, really get to know them, and don't be shy. Because once the exercise is finished I'm going to give each group a scenario and they'll have to act it out...but the catch is, they'll have to act out the scenario as their partner. Confused? Need an explanation? Well too bad, you should've been listening." She waved her hands in the air. "Now young lovers of the circles. Doves of the last dying rays. Peace children dancing the Macarena with flowers. Listen out for your names."

I stared back at the professor utterly confused. What the hell was she talking about?

"Alec Ambrosio and Edward Cullen."

I instinctively raised my hand when I heard my name.

After everyone was paired up, I watched as people went to go find their partners. Alec Ambrosio was mine. _Oh fuck_. Of course I got paired up with the weird boy that stared at me like he had an attitude. Just fucking great. Alec didn't bother coming to me so I forced myself up with much effort and walked over to him. He was writing something down. I took a seat beside him. Not necessarially in the mood to feign kindness.

Alec looked down at his sheet of paper and then up at me. "If you want we can ask the professor to pair us up with other people."

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

Alec's eyebrows furrowed. "Well I'm glad you're fine. But I don't want..." He sighed. "I don't want to work with you."

I looked back at Alec in disbelief, not quite sure how I should respond to _that._ What did I do to offend this guy? I scoffed but said nothing else.

Alec rolled his eyes as the professor started to circle around the classroom listening in on conversations. "Fine, let's just pretend. This is my A class. I heard this class is an easy A, which is why I'm here. I'm on academic probation and I need easy A's or else I'm going to have to go back to New York."

I remained silent as I listened to him. I even looked down at my nails. Purposely trying to show him that I didn't give a fuck.

"She's probably grading us." Alec said with a scowl.

I still ignored him.

"Fine, you want me to start. I'll start."

"Sure you can start, but I'm not going to listen to you." I said simply. "Or even bother to participate."

Alec narrowed his eyes at me. "What?" He looked at the professor again. "Why not?"

"Since I stepped into this class you've been looking at me like you have a problem. And I'm not going to pretend that it's okay. You don't know me, you don't know anything about me." I spoke to him calmly. It wasn't worth it to get upset over nothing.

Alec's eyebrows knitted together. His lips thinned and he glanced at the professor again. She was getting closer. He closed his eyes. "Fine." I watched as he looked at Emmett. "I like your friend and I just wish he gave me half the attention he gives you." Alec shrugged as if he had just admitted something he was terribly ashamed of.

I daringly glanced at Emmett. He was doing some crude gesture with his hands as he explained something to his partner.

. "And that's not your fault. None of this is your fault. But it's always easier to blame someone else, than find fault in yourself, and fuck...I think I just gave you too much of an insight into me."

Alec bit his lip and looked down. "I don't even know you and I _hated_ you. Isn't that pathetic." He frowned. "Saying it aloud really justifies everything I already knew. Fuck. No wonder, he won't even look at me twice. But once again that isn't your fault. It's mine."

I sat across from Alec unable to say anything.

"I'm sorry." Alec apologized clenching his jaw.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say to any of this?"

"I don't want you to say anything. Because I know there is nothing nice to say." Alec took in a deep breath and then he looked at me apologetically. "I think I needed to say all that to you, but now I desperately want to take it back. I'm really sorry."

"Alec, I don't want to talk about Emmett with you."

"That's fair, because I obviously set myself up to be a raging lunatic." Alec bit the inside of his cheek. "So the least I could do for making this whole experience awkward is make sure that you get an A. And you'll get an A. If you overreact to whatever scenario you're given, and pretend to be confident, when obviously your esteem is shit. That's me."

The look in Alec's eyes told me that he really did love Emmett. Love him enough to go crazy, and misdirect his despair onto me and turn it into hatred. I could understand that to an extent, because last semester I didn't really like Leah, and that was for the sole reason that she was with Jacob. But there were limits. And Alec did cross the limits by showing his anger to me.

"Alec," I said.

He looked at me but didn't say anything. His expression was worried.

"Your issue is with Emmett and not me. I understand that you might want to blame me for his inability to give you whatever you want, but glaring at me, or harboring a grudge isn't going to change anything. I don't know what to say besides you can't make someone love you. They do or they don't. And hating me won't change anything."

Alec nodded slowly. "I know."

"How are we doing darlings?" The professor asked placing her hand on my back. "What have you learned so far?"

"I've learned that he's a saint, because he didn't kick my ass the second I gave him the stank eye." Alec spoke up.

I gave Alec a small smile.

"Alrighty then." The professor clapped her hands. "A few more minutes and then let's start the scenarios."

"You _aren't_ wheat bread. Your tops." Alec said with a guilty smile after the professor walked away. "Tell your quarterback that I'm sorry for making that comment, because unlike you, he will kick my ass if I step out of line again."

Jacob knew Alec? How come he never told me about him.

***

After class I found Emmett sitting outside on a ledge. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked over to him. The sun had disappeared behind a few wisps of cotton, and the day was gradually turning to ash. I felt something in my chest I wasn't sure if it was pain or sadness. But I knew that no matter how much I wanted to ignore the fact that Emmett liked me, I couldn't. I guess I knew it all along. He didn't know how to deal with his feelings, and neither did I. A part of me felt like I should end our friendship, because he obviously wasn't so tough. Despite his crude humor, obnoxious remarks, and seeming inability to care about anyone but himself, he did care, he cared a lot.

I knew Emmett had a lot of love in his heart; he just had trouble sharing that love with others. I stopped beside him, and crossed my arms. I wanted him to know that I was beside him without actually saying anything.

"What's up?" Emmett asked reluctantly.

"You just look a little lonely. That's all." I said.

"Its not your fault green eyes. You don't need to feel bad for anything."

"Emmett I'm _with_ Jake." I said it again. Because the only alternative to hurting him was ending our friendship, and I couldn't imagine not knowing Emmett anymore.

"I know that." Emmett flashed me a smile showing his dimples. "This would probably be the fifteenth time you told me that."

I licked my lips, "But we're friends, you and me, and I don't want this to get in the way of us."

"Us," Emmett repeated. "Watch your words kid."

I nodded.

Emmett looked towards the gently rolling clouds. "Do you want me to turn it off. I could try if you want. But it'll be hard."

"I want..." My eyebrows knitted together in consternation. I couldn't find the right words. So naturally I changed the subject. "Who are you waiting for?"

"The Easter bunny." Emmett smiled and tilted his head to the side. "I've been a good boy, so he has Peeps for me. Peeps and Hershey Kisses."

I would give anything to just catch a glimpse of the Emmett that didn't seem to care about anyone or anything. The Emmett who couldn't be shattered, or broken into a million pieces. Life was less complicated that way.

"Rosalie's going to meet me here. We're going to get lunch at Stamp Student Union." Emmett racked his hands through his dark hair. "I'm cool Cullen. You don't need to babysit me."

I remained beside him anyways. Masochistically.

"What else do you want from me Edward? I've given you all the signs that if you gave me the slightest bit of leverage, I would take it and keep running. I'd run anywhere with you. _Anywhere_. I would break up your happy home, if you even gave me the time of day, and I wouldn't care about Jake. I wouldn't care that you make him smile, and that your love is his suicide, but he'll love you even if everyone else turns their back on him. And isn't that just wicked. To want the one thing that Jake would gladly trade his life for." Emmett looked away. "I would run away with you," He repeated.

It sounded like he was purposely trying to make himself the villain here.

"No you wouldn't Emmett." I said quietly.

"Why not?" Emmett asked. "Why not?" His face was red.

A gentle gust of wind whipped though my hair and brushed my cheeks. He looked so tortured that I just wanted to hug him. But I backed away from him like he was poison. Some kind of beautiful poison that would initially taste good, and then kill me. Kill me without mercy. Just because I _refused_ to have my heart ripped in two.

Something deep inside of me told me to punch him. Make him stop. Make him stop looking at me like that. I backed away some more.

Emmett was silent for a second as he watched me. "I _love_ you Edward. And the truth is that even if you punched me, cut me, or told me that you hated my worthless fucking guts. I would still love you." Emmett pressed his tongue against his cheek. "I guess that's what happens when you live fast and steal from others. You get fucked in the end." Emmett looked up as a raindrop fell on his forehead. "We can't be friends. Because I don't think I can pretend anymore. And once the act's up, Emmett has to go home."

I stood in place as I watched Emmett walk away from me. The sky turned a darker color, and the rain started to pick up. I didn't feel relieved.

**Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,**

**And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,**

**For the children, they mark, and the children, they know**

**The place where the sidewalk ends.**

***

**Edward's POV**

**---**

"Come downstairs cowboy." Jacob said into the phone.

He sounded like he was in a way better mood. "Okay Jake just let me get dressed."

"Hurry it up."

I tossed my cell onto my bed and hurriedly got dressed. I changed into a pair of jeans and a navy long sleeved polo. After lacing up my Chucks I was out the door. I walked quickly towards the hallway and passed Bella's door. I paused, and knocked quickly. I felt like I owed her an apology for my moody morning.

"Come in!" she called.

I opened the door, "Hey Bella."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Are you going to be up for a while?"

"Sure, _Chelsea Lately_ is on tonight." Bella smiled. "And I have a date tomorrow so..."

My mouth dropped. "You have a date?" I waited for Bella to smirk or tell me that she was just joking, but she didn't.

"Alice set it up, more like went behind my back, made a profile for me on _OK Cupid_, and posed as me. Your twin knows no limits. But anyways the guy is into Debussy, he goes to Towson, and I'm mildly excited. It'll give me something to do."

"You'll tell me about it later right?"

Bella tilted her head to the side and nodded. "You and Jake got a sexy date?"

I smiled.

"_Oh la la_." Bella sung. "Well don't let me hold you." She waved at me.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. _Right Jake_. "I'll come over later." I promised Bella right before running down the hall. I went through the backdoor where Jacob told me to meet him, and I was stunned to find him leaning against _The Rabbit_.

"We got wheels baby. The Rabbit is juiced and ready to go." Jacob did a little dance in the street. The moonlight shined down on him. It looked like he was doing the salsa. "Wanna ride shotgun Edward or do you want to drive?"

"I can't believe it's finished already. I thought it needed a lot of work." I said breathlessly as I took the stairs down to him.

"It _did_." Jacob slung an arm around my waist pulling me to him. He kissed me softly. His lips tasted like mint and wintry air.

I brought my fingers to his face, caressing his skin, and as I held his body to mine, I kissed him again. It felt like days since we last saw each other. He wrapped me up in his arms, and brushed his lips lightly against mine. I held onto his shirt. I could stay like this for a long while.

"Earnest cheated. He worked on the car and then had the nerve to try and lower the price! He's the best. With everything that's been going on I forgot to tell you about the Rabbit. And Mabel told me to let you know that we could both come down whenever we wanted." Jacob ran his hands through my hair. "But on the condition that we warn her, because apparently the house has to be spic and span."

"I wouldn't mind that." I said honestly. "I really like them."

Jacob let me go. "I want to take you somewhere."

"Anywhere?" I asked.

Jacob smiled softly. "Anywhere after I take you there." He opened the door for me.

***

"Don't be nervous okay." Jacob said clasping his hands together.

I looked around. The walls were stocked with literature on Abuse, Pregnancy, and Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Um. Jake? I swallowed and looked at him. "Do you think you knocked me up or something." I managed a weak smile. That would be the best alternative, even if that meant he was losing it.

Jacob grinned. "Yeah, we need to get you the morning after pill, and fast. I'd be such a horrible dad. Thank god, it's impossible to knock up a dude." He looked at me. "And while we're at it I don't have an STD. Oh, and I'm not being abused. I just want to do something for you, that's the only reason we're here."

He was talking so fast. I bit my lip. What did he want to do for me then at the Maryland Health Department?

"Mommy." A little boy said. He tugged at his mom's legs. "Play with me. Play with me."

I took my eyes off of Jacob, because he was looking at the kid. And then it clicked it to place. Jacob's worrying. He wanted to give me extra assurance that I could trust him. He was getting tested for me. Even though he already knew he was clean.

"Mama, mama, wake up, play with me." The boy begged.

"I'm tired Andrew. Just give me a few minutes and then we can play." She gave the kid a kiss on the head and then closed her eyes. "We'll play soon."

The kid sulked and then he looked at us. He looked at his mom and then at us again. The child walked over. He held out his hands. In them he had two toy trucks.

"It's boring in here. Do you want to play race tracks?" He wasn't looking at me. Only at Jacob. "Please?"

"Err...sure?" Jacob said giving me a shrug.

The little boy grinned. "Sweet."

Jacob sunk onto the floor with the little boy. He was given a truck.

"Follow me. We have to deliver a shipment to Utah. The cops are chasing us and we're on the run." The kid looked at me. "Can you make cop sounds? I'm sorry I don't have my cop car that makes noise."

I smiled. "Sure," I did the best cop siren I could manage.

The kid took off across the floor driving his car in a wild zig zagged pattern. Jacob followed behind him.

"Stay with me Agent # 7. Stay with me!" The little boy said.

Jacob glanced at me, and my heart stopped. He looked so cute on the floor, playing cars with that kid. Carefree and young. Happy even. _Giddy_. After everything he had been through in the last few weeks Jacob needed this. An escape, one moment where life didn't have to be so serious.

"Jacob Black," A woman called.

Jacob stopped playing. "That's me." He said to the kid.

The kid nodded and accepted his truck back.

"Edward come with me." Jacob took my hand and led me into the room.

We both knew what the outcome would be, but still I was moved that Jacob felt that he needed to get tested for _me_. Before we stepped into the room I threw my arms around him and gave him a kiss on his flushed cheek. How many different ways could he prove that he loved me? Obviously the ways were infinite.


	22. Bruises, Part II

**AN**: Okay you guys I am so sorry for the extended hiatus. I had a LOT of trouble with this chapter. I knew that Jasper had an important story to tell that involved some of the most critical aspects of this story, and I knew that it would take at least a chapter to cover his story. But I also wanted to take some time to address why Jake took the STD test. Just to clear up everything for you guys...**Jake is clean**. He has only had sex with Leah. But the test was just to show that he still has issues, and doesn't feel good enough for Edward. He is overcompensating to try and gain his trust. Even though clearly Edward has already given it to him. With that said this chapter was very important for me, because in regards to plot...this chapter is setting the END in motion. Because there is only a few chapters left. And the twists and turns will be coming. So I'm sorry if anyone hates for me for not including Jake in this chapter at all, and only Edward in the end. But I'll make it up next chapter. With that being said, thank you so much to the reviewers. I LOVE you guys, and for all the PM's as well. Your support keeps this story going.

Also I would like to thank anyone and everyone that voted for this story in the **Slash Awards**. I am humbled to even see my name and this story amongst such other well written and talented stories. You guys are unbelievable, so all I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart.

**Warning**: This chapter alludes to child abuse. And has one cut away scene of physical abuse. Just in case the subject matter may be a little too sensitive for some. As always thank you for reading. –Love, Maddie

Disclaimer: "Boats and Birds" belongs to Gregory and the Hawk. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 22- Bruises, Part II

**Jasper's POV**

---

_Every night before the lights went out Jasper Whitlock prayed that he would be forgotten. He prayed that his door would stay shut, and that the twisted and deformed shadow of fear would stay out. Fear was a beast that threatened to take him as soon as all the light disappeared. He heard Fear outside. Fear was angry. He wanted blood. He wanted Jasper's blood. Jasper heard him breathing outside. He was big and threatening, with red eyes, and sharp pointy teeth. There was a moment of silence and then Jasper heard a simultaneous collection of sounds. _

_ The noise was deafening. Glass shattering, furniture being turned upside down, and yelling. Jasper could only make out a few of the angry words. Victor said that he was going to find his mom and he was going to kill her. Jasper was scared for her. His heart tightened. Even though his mom left him alone, he didn't want her to die. He wanted her to be safe in a place where the sun shined all the time. _

_ Jasper gripped his comforter with sweaty palms. The air in the room felt like it was disappearing. His lungs burned hungrily for air. Breathe. Breathe. But still there was pressure pushing against his lungs. He prayed that God would allow him to fall asleep tonight, without any fear. The radio turned on outside. Guns and Roses was blasting now, filling every corner of Jasper's room. _

_ Victor sung off key to November Rain. The singing lasted for a few minutes and then died off with the music. Jasper heard the floor creak. It sounded like the floorboards were coming up one at a time with every step. Thump. His heart jumped. Thump. He closed his eyes. Thump. Louder this time. He gripped the sheets tighter. The terror was eating away at him. _

_ The thin strand of light right outside his door flickered, and then his room was wrapped completely in darkness. The silence was unbearably loud and all he heard was the shattering breaths rushing in and out of his lungs. The next thing he heard would've brought him to his knees if he had been standing. The creaking groan of his door as it opened. Unsteady footsteps, and the drunken whispers of his rambling father. He was too afraid to open his eyes, because he knew Fear would be looking down at him with giant red orbs._

_ There was a sudden crash to the floor. "Fuck!" Victor grumbled. The lamp on Jasper's desk fell to the ground, and a violent flash of electric white ignited the room in an ominous glow. Jasper jumped and balled his hands to his chest. Please don't. Please just leave me alone tonight. He could already taste the blood in his mouth, it was thick and rich, his punishment for whatever he did wrong tonight._

_ But he still hoped that Fear wouldn't remind him how weak and susceptible he was. The putrid scent of alcohol burned Jasper's nostrils. The smell got stronger when Victor lowered himself onto Jasper's bed. A hand, a powerful strong hand, the same hand that had both choked and hugged him, stroked his hair with tenderness. Jasper's lips trembled. _

_ Victor started to hum under his breath. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star."_

_ Jasper kept his eyes closed and even tried to hold his breath. But that only succeeded in him gasping for air. The room was so hot, and the walls felt like they were closing in. Victor pulled back the sheets and took Jasper in his arms. Jasper felt so small in his embrace. He felt like a withered fall leaf, brown and dying, ready to be crushed in a strong fist. His hands started to shake. Tears welled in his eyes._

_ He saw his teacher in the blackness of his thoughts. She told him to stay when everyone else went for recess. She asked him questions. Questions that he was too afraid to answer._

_ "Jasper how did you get those bruises?"_

_ He told her that he fell. He was clumsy._

_ "Did someone hurt you?" she asked next._

_ He didn't say anything because he didn't want to get in trouble. But when she continued to stare at him, her dark eyes searching, and then stood up to touch his shoulder. He cried. He couldn't stop crying. _

_ Victor buried his face in Jasper's hair. "I got a call from your teacher today." He stumbled over the words. "Jasper did you tell her something. Did you give her a reason to call me." _

_ When Jasper didn't respond Victor tapped his cheek. Jasper flinched. Victor then placed his strong hands on Jasper's shoulders and shook him with a little more force. Jasper opened his eyes. Fear's expression was stoic. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were red and bloodshot. _

_ Victor's lips formed a thin line of discontent. After a few moments of blank silence a brief smile stretched across his face. A smile that faded as quickly as a shooting star against an inky sky, blink and you missed it. Victor placed his coarse hands on the sides of Jasper's face. His eyes were hard black coals burning into Jasper's soul._

_ "I got a call from your teacher." Victor repeated. "She asked me about the bruises on your arm." He closed his eyes. "Did you tell her that I hurt you?"_

_ He spoke calmly, but a vein throbbed in his neck._

_ "No." Jasper whispered quietly._

_ "I didn't mean..."Victor stared deep into Jasper's eyes as if he was trying to discover if he was lying. Moments later he wrapped Jasper up tighter in his arms, making it difficult for him to breathe. "We're just going through a rough patch, that's all. I know you're scared, and so am I." His face twisted with difficulty. "I love you Jazz. I love you more than anything in this fucking world. But sometimes I just get so caught up in everything that's happened. My life...My fucking life I don't even know what to make of it anymore. And you, you depend on me for everything, and I can't even depend on myself right now. So I end up always messing up."_

_ "I don't think she's ever coming back." Victor continued almost in a daze. He stared straight ahead at Jasper's bookshelf. He balled his fists and then let it go. "Before your teacher called me I was thinking about how differently my life could've been." He smiled dreamily to himself but his eyes were void of happiness and wonder. _

_ "Before you were born I fell in love with someone other than your mom. Elizabeth was her name. She was so free. Her spirit was uncontainable. I loved her. I loved her more than I ever thought I could love anyone. She was the kind of woman that you changed your whole life for. I would've given anything for Elizabeth Masen to be here, in my arms. Anything."_

_ His smile fell. "But after high-school her parents sent her away to college. They sent her as far away from me as possible." Victor closed his eyes and hummed some more to himself, a haunted, tortured melody. "I was thinking that we could've had it all. Her and me. But she was gone, and I met your mom. I settled for your mom because I needed...someone to distract me from the heartache. Jasper, love makes you a monster. It makes you want to kill everything weak in your soul, if that's what it takes to overcome the pain."_

_ Victor drew in a ragged breath. "But when your teacher called me and she spoke to me...I remembered why I started drinking. To numb the fucking pain. And she...the way she talked to me...like I was guilty." His lips snarled. "I had to do everything in my power to keep from telling that bitch off. She doesn't know me. She doesn't fucking know the sacrifices I've made to support you."_

_ "I've never sent you to school in dirty clothes. I pack your fucking lunch every morning, and you've never needed anything I couldn't give you."_

_ Jasper bit his lip because the grip on his arm was so strong. His arm felt like it was seconds away from snapping. Victor leaned away from Jasper so he could look him in the eyes. "That woman doesn't know how much joy I felt the first time I held you in my arms. You were so tiny and fragile. I thought that I would break you, but you clung to me with those tiny fists of yours and you wouldn't let me go. I knew then that I could never hurt you."_

_ Victor rocked Jasper in his arms gently, the whiskey and drunken song of his voice, kept Jasper alert, and rigid. "When I was holding you I saw my father standing outside the glass window. He wanted to come in and hold you." Tears welled in Victor's eyes. His face flushed a violent shade of purple and red and his arms trembled. "I told him that he would never exist to you. I told him that I wouldn't speak his name, or show you his picture, ever. Because I hated that man with everything I had. I hated him enough to kill him. He was the one that made me feel this way. I would've killed him without a blink if I ever saw him try to hold you."_

_ Victor started to cry now. His shoulders sagged weakly. "I'm sorry that I hit you. I lashed out...it wasn't me. I was gone. I blacked out. Please forgive me Jasper. I need you. You're all I have left. Everyone else is gone. It's just us. You and me. That's all I got."_

_ Jasper felt something wet drip onto his skin. He looked down and noticed that his dad was bleeding. The fear wedged in his chest left him for a brief moment. Jasper looked at his dad. He was laying on the bed now mumbling incoherently, something about bandages and hearts. Blood dripped from his dad's hand and onto his comforter._

_ Jasper watched him. His mouth was wide open and his chest rose up and down steadily. The blood was still dripping onto his white sheets. Jasper inched away, slowly pulling out of his arms. He was about to sneak out of the room, but then he paused when he saw a box of Winnie the Pooh band-aids, and then the blood on his clothes and bed._

_ From where he stood his dad looked dead. Spread out and still. Jasper walked over to the slumped figure with trepidation, and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Close enough to touch, but far enough to run if need be. Jasper took his dad's hand in his small ones, and covered up the cut with a band-aid. Jasper fixed his dad, the same way his mom used to fix him, when he hurt himself._

_ Jasper backed away from the bed as he saw dark shadows linger on the walls. He couldn't sleep in his room tonight, because fear had broken in, it wasn't safe anymore. His footsteps creaked on the floor as he made his way to the door. It was dark outside. Frighteningly dark. He got down on his knees in the grass and searched the bushes for his hidden walkie-talkie. After he turned it on Jasper took a seat on the porch. _

_ "Riley? Are you awake?"_

_ There was nothing but static silence._

_ Jasper closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the plastic. A hopeless sadness invaded his body. He didn't want to sleep in his room tonight. He was too scared. _

_ "Aye mate." Riley answered._

_ Jasper's eyes widened and tears of joy filled his eyes. "Man down. Send in the battleships."_

_ "Rodger that. The battleships are gassed and ready to go. Are you okay Jasper?"_

_ "Yes I'm okay."_

_ "Do I have to load the cannons too? "_

_ "No Riley. We don't need the cannons tonight." Jasper said through a yawn because he was so tired. "Just you."_

_ ***_

_ Riley closed his room door. Jasper looked around in awe at the twinkling white lights hanging around the room. The lights looked like stars fading in and out of the night against the black wall. Riley took Jasper's hand and led him to the floor were an array of Christmas lights, dark blue, pink, and red were arranged in a circle. Riley took a seat first, and Jasper did the same._

**If you be my star I'll be your sky**

**You can hide underneath me and come out at night**

**When I turn jet black and you show off your light**

**I live to let you shine**

**I live to let you shine**

_ Riley handed Jasper the turkey sandwich he had taken from the fridge. "Turkey always makes me really sleepy. Turkey and milk. But not together. Separately." Riley smiled to himself and looked down at the lights. The different colors reflected like dots of magic, disappearing and them reappearing again on his face. "These lights should keep all the darkness out. They're pretty aren't they?"_

_ Jasper nodded as he hungrily ate the turkey sandwich. "When did you do all of this Riley?"_

_ "Oh cracker jacks. I forgot the milk." Riley placed his hands to his forehead. "Milk goes with turkey. Uggh, I'm so forgetful. How could I forget. I'll be back."_

_ "I'm not thirsty." Jasper lied. "I um...I drunk a whole carton full of milk before I left home."_

_ "Milk for the road?" Riley asked._

_ "Yeah...I meant to grab some for you but I didn't get a chance."_

_ Riley shrugged. His eyes zeroed in on the lights. He scowled in discontent. "Fudge cake and cranberries. This bugger refuses to work for me." His face reddened. "Stop dying." He said to the light. _

_ "It's just one light." Jasper reasoned. When Riley didn't answer Jasper reached out and touched his hand. "You have a million more beautiful lights."_

_ "I need them all to work." Riley said stubbornly. "Each light contains a thousand dancing dreams. Blue is hope. Red is Love. Green is the sea. This is what I dreamed of last night. I saw this make you smile. You loved it. And in my dream all the lights were shining. All 130 of them."_

_ Jasper folded his hands in his lap as Riley pulled away from him. He felt sad, because Riley was driving himself crazy looking for whatever he was looking for. Jasper heard his dad in the back of his thoughts say that Riley wasn't right. He said there was something wrong with his brain. Something that made him strange. Jasper closed his eyes. He didn't think Riley was strange, he thought he was beautiful. Riley dived underneath his bed, and tossed out books, and movies, and pictures that he had drew._

_ "Where is it? Where is it?" Riley murmured looking worried. _

_ Jasper reached for a picture that had come from underneath Riley's bed. He looked down at it. His eyes drawing together. In the picture was Riley sitting on top of a pile of unopened candy bars, and he was smiling, he was smiling wide. Underneath the mountain of candy were two people, they were small dots...and the words. Ignore. _

_ "Riley." Jasper said placing the picture back down. _

_ "Light where are you? C'mon." Riley pulled an oversized white teddy bear from underneath his bed. It had a red shaped nose, and red heart shapes on its feet. "Oh Theodore. There you are." He bit his lip. Riley paused for a second and handed Theodore to Jasper. "My stars are all bugged. Hug Jasper for me Teddy. Keep him company. I can't watch him right now because I have to find the light."_

_ Jasper wrapped his arms around the teddy bear. His eyes were starting to feel like they weighed a thousand pounds each. He watched the lights dance in wonder. It did feel safe in this circle. So safe. Jasper turned around and loosened a tiny bulb from behind him. He screwed it in the place of the one that had died. "Riley. It's working!"_

_ His friend stopped his frantic search. Riley walked back over to Jasper slowly. "Wow so I guess the light was just being stubborn. Bad light." Riley sat Indian style across from Jasper. "Do you want to hear the rest of my dream Jazz. It was far out...like Jupiter."_

_ Jasper yawned tiredly and managed a nod. _

_ "We were in space." Riley said with wide eyes. His voice was very soft though. "You were having a good time and smiling. I saw some aliens dancing to Thriller on the moon, and I showed you them. We did cartwheels, and back flips, and we kept getting higher and higher. I told you that the world was yours. And all the dreams, everything you wished for would come true. Because I wished on billions of shooting stars and icy comets for you."_

_ Jasper felt Riley slip his arm inside his, and he helped him up._

**But you can skyrocket away from me**

**And never come back if you find another galaxy**

**Far from here with more room to fly**

**Just leave me your stardust to remember you by**

_ "After we played for a few days you told me you were tired. You closed your eyes and floated. You left me. But all that mattered was you were safe. Nothing else. It feels nice all the way up here. We can take turns taking trips around the milky way. Go to sleep. The devil won't find you here. He'll have to go through me. Sleep Jasper, just go to sleep."_

_ Jasper smiled sleepily. He felt the softness of a bed underneath him, and then sheets being pulled up to his chin. His eyes opened tiredly. "But the circle...and the aliens dancing to Thriller."_

_ Riley smiled gently. "When you wake up I'll put on my alien costume and dance. You gotta join me though. Because this alien hates to boogey alone. Bop, bop, a boo, bop."_

_ Everything went black._

**If you be my boat I'll be your sea**

**A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity**

**Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze**

**I live to make you free**

**I live to make you free**

***

Michael Jackson's Thriller was playing in the diner, and Jasper was lost for a second in his thoughts. It was a crazy night. The diner was full and it had to be a full moon because literally every character that lived within a fifty mile radius of College Park was in there. A woman with bug eyes, crispy hair, and one glove was sitting in her seat and dancing to Thriller while she watched Jasper with her bulging eyes. She did a head jerk, and started to tap her fingers, and feet while holding out her cup.

"More ice please." And then she started to sing.

Jasper eyed her wearily the second she closed her eyes, and raised her fist in the air. Why did the characters all come out when he was the only one on duty? _Fuck_. He took her cup with a smile, she stroked his hand with her creepy gloved finger, and then grabbed her crotch. _Oh fuck no_. He went quickly to the fountain machine in the back and filled her cup up with Dr. Pepper.

"Jackson!" Rosalie Hale snapped her fingers as he walked past. Not only did she call him by the wrong name, but she talked to him like you would tell a dog to roll over. Rosalie whistled. "I know you hear me boy. Don't make me throw my Prada shoes at your head."

The blonde girl was working his last nerve. The diner was severely short staffed, but of course Rosalie 'The Queen' Hale didn't see that. All she saw was herself. Jasper grabbed a tray from the counter and balanced the the tray in his hands. The woman sitting at this table looked like she wanted to pounce on him with the ferocity of a lioness.

"One apple sauce for you." He said to the son, still ignoring the woman's permanent snarled lips like she smelled something rotten and _stank_. "Are you sure that's all you want?" Jasper asked. "The cook makes really good shrimp and french fries."

"Young man. Are you _cuckoo_ for cocoa puffs?" The mother said with more than a hint of rank attitude. "Are you trying to feed my child shrimp? Do you know that Bernard is allergic to shrimp." She snapped her neck. "Do you want to kill my child. And have me sue you for every penny you and this establishment has in the bank. Because I will."

"No ma'am..."

"Then go away before I leave you a dime tip...shit your service ain't even worth a dime. Ain't even worth a Chuck E. Cheese coin." She laughed rather nastily and then took a bite of her food. She dramatically spit it out into a napkin. "What is this!" Her eyes widened. "Are you trying to kill me! This food is cold. Ice cold!"

Jasper's mouth dropped open in surprise. He closed his eyes as he felt both anger and a headache coming on.

"I'm sorry I'll take it back, and have the cook make you another one." Jasper managed a smile. "It'll be hot this time."

"I don't want another one. And why the hell are you smiling. Is my cold dinner funny to you." One eye got smaller than the other one. "Are you amused that I would've done better by eating _cold_ Chef Boyardee from a can?"

Jasper moved his mouth to the side. He wasn't sure how much longer he could be nice to this woman. She wasn't the only one staring daggers into his back. He had a whole diner full of people looking at him, and to make matters worse Rosalie was waving her hand like he didn't see her. He just wanted to storm over to her, and say 'Fuck your coffee, if you want to be catered to then go to fucking Starbucks but he wouldn't do that.

"Young man," The woman scowled. "I don't have time for you to stare off into space." She rudely snapped her fingers in front of Jasper's eyes. "I want a free dinner. You hear me. And as soon as you make my dinner free, you can run to the back and get me a _hot_ replacement."

The calm shell that he worked so hard to keep from cracking was developing fissures, huge fissures. He couldn't hold it any longer. "I apologize for the wait. I can take your food back, and the cook can make you something else, or this again. But only the manager approves free dinners and he isn't here."

"Then where the _fuck_ is he?" The woman stood up and pushed Jasper away from her booth. "I want the manager! I demand a free dinner. I could've choked to death and died on that _cold_ food. And if I can't get my food free then I don't want it!" She looked down at her son who was humming to himself as he ate his applesauce.

Jasper looked at the boy as well. He wasn't paying any attention to his mom. As if he was used to this outrageous kind of behavior. Jasper felt something else inside of him snap. Now he wanted to tell this woman to shut the fuck up. It was completely irresponsible of her to act like this in front of her kid. Didn't she realize that.

"Bernard put down that fork like it's a hot potato!" she said to him. She darted back and forth looking around the restaurant, everyone was watching her. When the manger didn't come out. Her eyes zeroed in on every table as if she was an eagle searching for a juicy dinner to sink her talons into. Finally she grabbed her purse, but not without purposely dragging her purse across the table and knocking down the applesauce.

Bernard gasped, but then he sunk back in his chair, and looked down.

Shattered glass was scattered on the floor and globs of applesauce now covered Jasper's shoes. He balled his fists and breathed in and out slowly. He needed this job. He couldn't afford to lose it. Rent was due next week, along with his 2nd tuition payment of the semester. Losing his cool wouldn't solve anything. Jasper saw Emmett get up, he had been silently sitting across from Rosalie this whole time. Rosalie grabbed his arm.

"You don't even know Jackson. What are you going to do? Fight that woman for him." Rosalie scoffed. "Stop trying to be the hero."

Emmett pulled his arm free, and he reluctantly sat back in his seat.

The woman looked Jasper up and down. "Hmm. Looks like you got two messes to clean up now, dear." She walked away with her heels clicking on the floor. "Bernard follow me!" she bellowed.

Bernard took his sweet time though.

"I'm sorry." The child said. "That wasn't very nice of my mommy to yell at you like that." He reached for a few napkins and dived down to clean off Jasper's shoes.

"No it's okay!" Jasper said quickly. He bent down as well and gently took the napkins from the little boy. "These shoes are old anyway. I need to get some new ones. Don't worry about it okay."

Bernard chewed on his lip. "I can help? How hard is it to take orders anyway?"

Jasper chuckled to himself. This kid was so adorable. "I think you should catch up with your mum okay?"

"Here take this." The child reached in his pocket and pulled out a car. "It lights up see." He pressed a button and sure enough the car illuminated with different colors. Red. Green, and Blue. He placed the car in Jasper's open palm. "If you close your eyes and tell the car where you want to go, it'll take you there."

"Where does it take you?" Jasper asked only because the child looked like he didn't want to go home.

"It takes me Disneyland. _Duh_." Bernard smiled.

Outside the car horn beeped loudly. The little boy sighed and walked towards the door. Jasper watched after Bernard. He couldn't keep the car. "Hey!" he said. Jasper quickly walked after the kid, the guests were looking at him like they wanted his limbs. "I can't take this okay."

"But..."

"If you give me this...then what will you use to get away? I'm pretty sure this is the only car that can take you to Disneyland in style." Jasper grinned. "Thank you though Bernard."

After Bernard left out the swinging glass doors, Jasper pushed himself up, and went to Rosalie and Emmett's table. She scowled as she watched him.

"What is this?" Rosalie pointed to her cup.

"I'm guessing it's what you ordered." Jasper couldn't help but to be passive aggressive with her. He was off tonight. He was so tired that he couldn't even think straight. The semester was kicking his ass. Last night he only got two hours of sleep. And next to no sleep, with ROTC and bills on top of everything, it was nearly impossible to keep up his cool façade. He was faltering all over the place, especially tonight, and Jasper knew everyone could see.

"I didn't order a decaf with hazelnut cream." Rosalie said icily. "I'm sorry but this tastes like skunk shit."

"Rose could you do us both a favor and shut up?" Emmett asked smugly. "Please and thank you."

Jasper saw Rosalie's face harden into a Joan River's mask of doom. "I'm sorry Emmett. When did you downgrade from Edward to Jackson."

"His name is _Jasper_." Emmett corrected impatiently. "Stop being a bitch tonight Rose. Everyone in this whole fucking restaurant is on his back. Give him a break."

Rosalie gave Emmett a blank look, which turned into a slow nod.

"Why don't you take a load off Jasper?" Emmett suggested. He scooted out of the booth and gestured towards the spot where he was sitting. "Come on you know you want too." Emmett egged on. He frowned and looked at Rosalie and then whispered. "I could get rid of her if you need me too. Throw her a broom, and send her flying away and cackling.

Rosalie punched Emmett in the arm.

"Oww," He said looking down at her.

"Next time I'll make sure to draw blood. And beat you black and blue like your name is Jane Ambrosio." Rosalie wagged her fist.

Jasper frowned. "I _can't_ take a break." He said slowly to Emmett.

"Sure you can. You got the monkey man to take care of everything. Big E is in the house, and he's gonna make you proud." Emmett said cheekily. "As long as your manager really isn't here. Then leave everything up to me."

"I can't." Jasper said again.

"No offense or anything dude but you look like roadkill in the back of a pick up truck." Emmett ribbed Jasper. "It's not a crime to take a fifteen. Do it. You know you want too." Emmett smiled widely. "C'mon I'm giving you the dimples. You can't resist the dimples."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Say yes, before he gets down on his knees and gives you a blow job." She said to Jasper.

Jasper's cheeks warmed and he looked away.

"If that's what it takes." Emmett said pretending to get down on his knees.

Jasper's eyes widened. "There are kids here."

"So?" Emmett said. "I saw way worse when I was younger." He ran his hands through his dark hair. "I know which tables are which. I have a good memory. And I used to be a waiter during high school. My resume speaks for itself."

Jasper couldn't understand why Emmett was so adamant about helping him. It was really nice of him though.

"What the hell is he doing. Taking a lunch break!" A woman with a New York accent hissed. "I ordered curly fries like ten minutes ago. And they still aren't in front of me. Do I have to start eating the fucking table to get some attention around here."

Emmett snickered and whispered to Rosalie and Jasper. "She could eat the table too with those chucky beaver teeth. Look at the chompers on that one, lookin' like she escaped from the zoo."

Jasper watched open mouthed as Emmett went over to the counter. He followed behind him. "Emmett? I didn't say that you could help me."

"But you did." Emmett touched Jasper's shoulder and squeezed. "You looked deep into my eyes and silently whispered for me to help you. J. Whitlock I got your back."

"Emmett this isn't a karaoke bar. You can't just hop on stage because you feel like it."

"I _can_." Emmett said still smiling. "I've done it before." Emmett licked his lips and patted Jasper on the back as he walked over to a woman who looked like she literally just woke up and got dressed in the back of a dark moving van. She wore a tattered grey sweater with holes in the sleeves, jogging pants paired with tube socks and a sloppy bun that looked like a sleeping cat on her head.

Emmett placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. Oh man it's such a busy night. I've been running around completely discombobulated. Can I get you a free coffee or anything for being so patient. I love your hair by the way...my mom wears her hair just like that. "

_Oh c'mon_...Jasper thought in disbelief. He didn't expect the woman to buy Emmett's lies, but surprisingly she did.

Her face turned red and she patted her sloppy bun like it was the new Kate Gosselin do. "Oh really? I just threw this together. You really like it?"

"It's _hawt_." Emmett clicked his tongue. "What can I get you beautiful?"

Jasper's mouth dropped open. The woman's face turned a shade of burgundy.

Rosalie stepped in line beside Jasper. "He is such a phony ass motherfucker." A smile was on her face.

Jasper looked down. He couldn't imagine getting away with such an atrocious lie as complimenting that woman's hair.

Rosalie took off her earrings and placed it her purse. "I guess I can spend an hour of my time for charity, and you're not the bad of a cause." She tilted her head to the side. "Emmett is doing what he always does. Make me out to be the villain. Apparently I was a thorny bitch to you the first time we met. So this is me apologizing." She winced like the words burned her tongue. "I hate saying sorry. Because to say sorry is to be wrong. And I'm rarely ever wrong."

"Thank God you have a big ol' head for that ginormous ego." Emmett said as he walked past. "And what the fuck was up with that woman's hair."

"You said it was _hawt_." Rosalie joked.

"It's called faking it Rose." Emmett said. "Something you're very good at."

Rosalie pretended to swing her huge purse in Emmett's direction. He dodged the _bag of rocks _impact with a step backwards, and then he went to another table.

Rosalie linked her arm in Jasper's. "You're stubborn as an ox. How many times do Emmett and I have to ask you to take a break?"

"Are you a waitress here?" A girl asked Rosalie. She was wearing a Maryland sweater, and a book was open in front of her.

Rosalie looked the girl up and down with the coldest look Jasper had seen in his life. "Does this face look like it was made to wait on people? _No_."

"I work here." Jasper said apologetically. "How can I..."

"How can I help you!" Rosalie said loudly as if to over power his voice. She bumped her hip into Jasper's pushing him out of the way. "Five minutes Jasper. Seriously. You look like you're about to pass out."

Rosalie Hale looked worried about him. _Rosalie Hale_. Maybe he did need a break after all. Just five minutes.

***

Jasper woke up to darkness. He sat up in horror. _Shit_. He was in the break room. For some reason unbeknownst to him he had allowed Rosalie and Emmett to talk him into taking a break. God, this was it. He was definitely going to get fired. Jasper stood up a little too quickly. The room swayed around him. He stood still and balled his fists until everything stopped spinning.

Jasper walked out into the main eating area. He wasn't sure what he expected to see. But it definitely wasn't _this_. Chairs were stacked up neatly on the table and the floor was shining like it had just been polished a few times. Emmett was currently scrubbing down the counters.

"Emmett why didn't you wake me up?" Jasper asked apologetically.

Emmett shrugged. "You looked so damn peaceful that I didn't think I could bare it. Besides we all agreed. Me, Rosalie, and the cook that you needed your rest. The cook and I closed up the shop. Rosalie left shortly after you were sleeping though."

Jasper ran his hands through his hair. He was speechless.

"All you have to do is say thank you." Emmett said with a nod. "Does that make this any easier for you?"

"It still doesn't because...I just can't believe..." Jasper couldn't find the words.

"Whitlock stumble your ass to bed. Do you need a ride?" Emmett asked. His pale blue eyes were full of care.

Jasper smiled and looked down. "You barely know me. I guess that's why I'm so shocked that you did all this."

Emmett shrugged. "I had a lot on my mind and I wanted to keep busy. Oh and you hit the jackpot." He reached in his pockets and pulled out the tips _he_ had made for the night. "Looks like you have enough money to retire to Ocean City for a few hours." Emmett's dimples appeared in his cheeks. "Surfs up."

Jasper watched as Emmett grabbed his jacket. "I won't forget this Emmett. I owe you."

Emmett looked down and tilted his head to the side. "Oh Jasper. Too bad you don't have a thing for bratwursts. Just get some rest that's all I ask."

***

After closing up the diner Jasper hopped into his rusted 1989 Ford Mustang. He stuck the key in the ignition and as usual it took a good two minutes for the damn engine to even sputter. Jasper firmly gripped the wheel and jerked it up and down, while wrestling with the frustratingly stubborn key. Finally the engine roared to life like it was Stephen King's _Christine_. He let out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes. The precariously strong smell of exhaust and gasoline filled his nostrils. Jasper rolled down the window and allowed the cool Maryland air to filter into his car. His shifted the gear into drive and backed out of the small parking lot.

He was still tired, even after his nap. One thing was for sure, as soon as he got home, he was going straight to bed . The cool air stung his eyes. He felt like he was dreaming. Jasper closed his heavy eyes for a second and then opened them. He was dreaming while awake. He saw his mom she was happily remarried, with kids, and a husband who took good care of her. He shook his head and gripped onto the wheel tighter. He really didn't want to think about his mom tonight. Jasper just wanted one night of peace and quiet.

Jasper turned up the volume on the radio. Some country song was playing that he didn't recognize. His mom used to love country. He remembered her singing Shania Twain to him while she cooked dinner. He would pull up a stool beside her, and listen transfixed. He was always happiest when she sung to him. Everything went black. No he had to stay up. Jasper shifted his body in the seat. The blurry colors of the traffic light burned through the blackness. The light was green. _Go_. His hand fell to his knee. He wasn't sure if he was driving anymore. Maybe this was all a dream and he was actually in his futon at home. The cool air caressed his cheeks and blew through his hair. Jasper's head fell back against the seat. Green light. Yellow light. Red light. _Blackness_.

***

_The field stretched out for miles. He stood in the distance. His figure was a dark shadow despite the light of day. Victor had a rifle in his hands, and so did Jasper. They were about to play a game. A violent game of hide and seek. The object was to survive. Jasper watched as his father suddenly took off running._

_ Jasper chased after him. The sky was bright blue at first and then it turned a dusky orange. Amber flames licked at the clouds, making them dwindle into stretched wisps of cotton. Jasper saw something move behind a tree, he raised his gun, alert. His heart beat slowly as he waited for the shadow. As soon as he spotted him, he didn't miss a beat. An earth-shattering explosion shook the silence._

_ He missed. Jasper never missed his target. _

_ The orange was fading and blackness was sweeping in. The stars twinkled like frightening flashes of white, and the freakishly large moon washed blood red. The shadow, his father, laughed a cruel chuckle. Jasper's fingers pushed down on the trigger ready again to fire an assault of bullets into his demon. This was going to be the end...the end for one or both of them, because someone had to die. He knew it would always come down to this. A bloody fight, a struggle to end all struggles._

_ "Jasper." Victor called. He laughed again. "Little boys shouldn't play with guns." His voice was mocking. Victor crossed his arms over his broad chest, "I've seen the anger in your eyes. The hate. You're getting closer to me each day." He clapped his hands. "Bravo. Let's see how many people you can scare away. My count is three. What's yours? I dare you to pull the trigger son. Shoot me. It's what you want right? My blood spilling out? A violent end for all the pain I inflicted on you." He took a few steps forward._

_ "Don't move!" Jasper yelled his hands were shaking._

_ "You love me." Victor echoed as he continued to walk closer. "You're not so strong are you Jasper? Even after everything I've done to you. You came back like a puppy wanting to get kicked around some more." Victor raised his hands as he took another step forward. "So you won't shoot me. You can't. You're weak."_

_ "Don't move!" Jasper said again. He pointed his gun down at the ground and fired a round of bullets right by Victor's approaching feet. "I will shoot you."_

_ Victor looked down. "I taught you how to hold a gun. I taught you how to load it. I taught you how to be in control. You're a good shot Jasper, but you're not better than me, because I'm your teacher. Don't you see how little power you have?"_

_ "Shut the fuck up!"_

_ "You're a little boy Jasper. A scared little boy and you always will be. Give me the gun."_

_ With trembling fingers Jasper raised the gun. "No." His eyes took on a hard glint. "I was a scared little boy but I'm not scared anymore." Tears rolled down his cheeks as he got ready to fire again. He waited with bated breath for the release, the violent end that would finally end this. The sky suddenly started to change. The embers of the fading dusk returned, and then the sky was blue. Impossibly so. He tilted his head up towards the vastness. The sun flashed brilliant light into his eyes._

_ But he still saw red. He hadn't entirely come down from the anger yet. Flowers bloomed around him. His father's shadow still stood across the field. The gun shook violently in his hand. Shoot him. Kill him. Jasper thought for a second that his hands were stained with red. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to do it._

_ "She is beautiful isn't she?" Victor said. His shadow was fading, blinking in and out of Jasper's vision. "Your very own Elizabeth." _

_ At that moment Jasper realized that his gun was trained right on Alice. She was sitting in a field of lush green and bright yellow flowers, Alice wore a white dress. She looked so beautiful. He swallowed. His hands trembled as he tried to point the gun away. This had to be a dream. Anxiously he looked around waiting for the sky to burn with orange again, or the white stars to burn his eyes. He vaguely remembered the stoplight. It was on green. _

_ The shadows would come back soon enough and take away everything that he wished he could have. All the hope and beauty that he could only look at and never touch. Alice walked across the field towards him. She was holding flowers in her hand, white heather. He didn't want her to come any closer because he was scared of hurting her. _

_ "You won't hurt me Jasper." She said softly. _

_ Alice traced her fingers along the cool edge of the gun . He held his breath; his finger was still stupidly on the trigger. Jasper still couldn't decide if this was a dream, a nightmare, or some kind of twisted reality in between. This could be his personal hell. Beauty mixed with war and violence._

_ She reached for the cluster of white heather in her hands and stuck it in the gun's mouth. Alice smiled gently. "This gun can't be used for harm anymore. Can I see it?"_

_ He shook his head. No. He didn't want to ever see a gun in Alice Cullen's hands._

_ Alice took the gun away from him anyways. She held it awkwardly and pointed the gun towards the gently rippling waves of a river coursing in between the banks of marshland, and the woods beyond that. "You're not a killer Jasper. What do you see right now?"_

_ Jasper's fists were clenched tightly. The image of Alice with a gun in her hand was jarring, even if flowers were in the mouth. He took in a deep breath and then gazed into her calming honey brown eyes. They were soft and flecked with gold. He lost himself in the peaceful quiet, and song of nature echoing in the trees. "I just see..I just see you." _

_ Alice smiled and placed down the gun. "Everything will be okay ." She assured him. Alice then lightly touched his army fatigue jacket. "This looks a little heavy. Let's take it off."_

_ Underneath the army jacket Jasper wore just a tee shirt. Alice eased the heavy jacket from his shoulders, and allowed it to fall to the grass. She tilted her head to the side, and with a soft giggle, she wrapped her arms around his neck and together they fell into the bed of flowers and tall grass._

_ "You have scars all over your body. White scars. They would be invisible unless you got up really close. I see them." She touched his scars; her fingers were soothing as aloe against his skin. "These scars will heal."_

_ Jasper took in a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. _

***

A horn shattered the silence.

"The light is fucking _green_ you idiot!"

Shit.

The Toyota behind him swerved wildly around his car. The guy in the driver's seat cussed Jasper out and tore off into the night. Jasper looked up just in time to see the light turn red. He must've fallen asleep at the stoplight. Jasper changed the station from country to alternative rock. _Jumper_ by Third Eye Blind filled his car. He sung along halfheartedly to stay awake.

A few minutes later Jasper stumbled up the stairs leading to his apartment. He pulled the keys from his pocket and let himself in. Jasper flipped on the light switch. The den was empty with the exception of a futon pushed up against the wall; a standing light, and a small bookshelf where he kept his books.

Jasper rested his hand against the wall as he pulled off his shoes. His jeans came off next and then his black tee shirt and jacket. Jasper turned the light out and followed the silvery moonlight to the futon. He sunk into the soft cushion and wrapped the sheets around his naked body. The last thing he saw before giving into sleep was a paper crane, folded intricately on his nightstand.

***

_Jasper grabbed his luggage from the belt. Birmingham-Shuttlesworth International Airport was bustling with people. He couldn't believe that he had agreed to come home for a few days. Why did it take arriving back home to realize that this was probably a huge mistake. His chest tightened uncomfortably. Jasper swallowed down the anxiety and put on his best poker face, and then he saw him standing in the crowd, smiling. _

_ Victor Whitlock's expression told Jasper that he was elated to see him. Jasper looked away feeling an emotion similar to disgust, but not as strong. Since starting classes at Maryland, Jasper had only talked to his dad a handful of times. Their conversations were usually one-sided. Jasper was deathly silent while his father droned on about church, quitting drinking and smoking, and finally getting his life together._

_ During those conversations Jasper occasionally felt a sick hope that his father was giving up his vices. Jasper couldn't understand what was wrong with him? After all the hell he had been through, why did he think there was any chance for redemption? He clearly had a volcano of unresolved emotions that he had yet to deal with. _

_ Victor leaned forward and gave Jasper an awkward hug. Jasper's arms hung limply by his sides. He closed his eyes and mentally tried to bring himself down. What if he really was trying to change? Jasper winced and shook his head. He didn't want to think too hard, and come to any conclusion just yet. _

_ Victor's eyes crinkled around the edges as he leaned away to rest his hand flat against Jasper's face. His green eyes were calm and seemingly void of malice. "Imagine my surprise when you told me you were coming home." His eyes watered._

_ Jasper looked into his eyes, but tried not to feel anything. The seesaw of emotion. Red fiery hate, and white...a peace flag waving in the wind captured him, debilitating his senses. He was stuck between the two emotions and all the while questioning everything. Himself, his father, the thin line between sanity and insanity. Jasper's eyebrows furrowed. _

_ Victor cleared his throat and his eyes darted, as if he was actively trying to make this situation less uncomfortable . "With all the traffic around here you would think they were holding the Super bowl in Birmingham." Victor reached down to try and take Jasper's bag from him, but Jasper pulled his bag away._

_ "I got it." Jasper said firmly. He looked down._

_ Victor nodded. "Okay." There was a pause. He respectfully adverted his eyes away from his son again. "How was the trip home?"_

_ "Not bad." Jasper answered._

_ Victor nodded again. "Good," There was an awkward silence that lasted up until Jasper got in the truck. "Here let me put your bag in the back."_

_ "No it's okay..." Jasper started. But Victor took his bag anyways and placed it in the trunk. Jasper wiped his sweaty palms on his knees and waited for his dad to get back in the car._

_ He started the ignition. Guns and Roses was playing. Jasper closed his eyes and allowed the music to fill the silence. Anything would be better than talking. He heard his dad shift in his seat. _

_ Victor turned down the radio. "Jasper."_

_ His lips remained tightly clamped for a few seconds and then he said, "Yeah?"_

_ "There is so much that I want to say to you. Every time we get on the phone I think that I'll finally be able to say it all. But then I hear your voice and I realize that I can't. I don't even know where to begin. I know you hate me. And you have every reason to. Because I put you through hell and you were just a kid." _

_ Jasper reached out and gripped the door handle because he wasn't ready to talk about this. He bit the inside of his cheek so hard that it bled. _

_ "I don't expect you to say anything, because I realize there is nothing to say...life's too short to chase away all the people that love you."_

_ Jasper opened his eyes and stared out the window with an empty heart. He wanted to feel nothing, but yet the sadness that lurked in the corners of his soul was prevalent. He didn't know how to get rid of that. All the nights he stayed up crying his eyes out. The loneliness he would feel every night he came home, did his schoolwork, cleaned the house, and cooked dinner, only to be underappreciated. Jasper's eyes watered. He closed them. _

_ Victor stopped at a red light. _

_ "I can't change the past. Even though I wish like hell that I could. All I can do...all we can do is move forward. And I think you're willing to do that with me. I think by coming back home you proved that." Victor reached out to touch Jasper's hand. _

_ "You know what I would really appreciate..." Jasper said as he slowly pulled his hand free. "I would appreciate it if we didn't talk about anything right now."_

_ Victor nodded slowly and placed his hand back on the steering wheel. The light turned green. _

_ ***_

_ When they got back to the house Victor took Jasper's bag and walked ahead of him. Jasper stood outside like a statue underneath the crisp blue Alabama sky. The sun was burning bright and the grass was a welcoming green, cut and trimmed, not overgrown with weeds like it had been before he left. From the outside everything looked so different. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Jasper willed himself forward. He noticed that six cars were in the driveway. What was going on?_

_ Jasper ground his teeth together as he stepped inside the house. Music was playing. Gospel music. And people were everywhere, singing, and eating, like this was any other Sunday after service. Jasper stood at the door unable to move. He hadn't been to church in a while, and neither had his dad. So what were these people doing here. Jasper couldn't even will himself to smile as he walked through the crowd. _

_ The walls were closing in on him. He focused on taking calming breaths. His eyes actively scanned their house, which now felt smaller than ever. What was this? Did his dad set him up._

_ "Jasper, boy have you gotten big." An older woman reached out and took his arm. He swallowed as she leaned forward and gave him a tight hug. He uncomfortably hugged her back. _

_ "Well my stars if you aren't growing up to be a spitting image of your father." She was smiling like he should be proud of that. _

_ Jasper felt the bile rise. "What is this?"_

_ "This?" she gestured around looking genuinely baffled. "This is a celebration sweetheart. Everyone from church is here. I thought you flew in just to be here for this?"_

_ Now it was Jasper's turn to be genuinely confused._

_ "Your father has been sober for three months now. Three whole months. Aren't you proud of him? He's getting his life back on track, and this party is in honor of him. He said that he wanted to get his life back on track for you. Jasper honey, you're his motivation."_

_ Jasper turned away because he couldn't bear to hear any more of this farce. He slipped through the crowd trying to go undetected but he noticed something that made him stop. All the laughter in the room died down and he was suddenly alone watching as his dad talked to a little boy._

_ Victor was laughing like he didn't have a care in the world. A woman came up to Victor and the boy, and she embraced him in a hug. _

_ "I'm so proud of you Vic!" she enthused. _

_ Jasper looked between the smiling boy and his dad. He suddenly remembered being chased down halls, thrown down stairs, and locked in the basement. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried for a second to fool himself, to imagine that this was real. But there was a look in his father's eyes that prevented Jasper from believing the act. The hard glint of a man battling his demons, but hiding his struggle, and thus far succeeding. _

_ Jasper swallowed down his confusing emotions. His father walked past him with the woman, and little boy. Jasper flatted his body against the wall as if that could make him invisible. He needed to escape for a few minutes and get his act together. Jasper leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He balled his fists and rested it firmly against the door. His mouth dropped open. _

_ Suspended from the ceiling, dangling in rows of intricate design, were paper cranes. Jasper raised his arm and lightly fingered one of the cranes. There were numbers on each piece of paper, numbers and words. Hope. Love. Happiness. Jasper's heart constricted. The highest number he saw was 192. There was only one person who had the patience to fold all of these. Riley. Without so much as an after thought Jasper went to his window, pushed it open, and as soon as his sneakers landed on the ground, he took off running. _

***

_Jasper felt hopeful as he walked up the freshly paved driveway leading up to the Brière mansion. He always felt out of place when he came to Riley's house, because Riley's parents were rich. They had the best of everything and they had no problem flaunting their wealth. Jasper rang the doorbell. His heart was in his throat. He was excited to see Riley, because when they were together, he always felt like the world was lighter. He tried the doorbell a few more times, but no one came. Jasper tilted his head up towards Riley's window. He was about to leave disheartened but then Riley appeared._

_ "Jasper!" Riley was naked._

_ "Woah," Jasper said looking away and laughing. "I'm glad to see you too. But not that glad Ry. Put on some clothes."_

_ "It's way too hot for clothes. Oh, wow, If I knew you were coming today..." Riley trailed off. He turned around. "Get dressed handsome." He said to whoever was in the room with him. "He's finally here. And I can't possibly focus on Jasper and you at the same time. Sorry."_

_ Jasper's eyebrows furrowed._

_ The other person in Riley's room, a guy, with jet-black hair, and a scornful look, that told Jasper, he was cock blocking, glared down at him._

_ "Can't he come back?" The other guy said. "You were just about to do that thing...you know...don't give me blue balls. Riley. C'mon."_

_ Jasper looked down. This was obviously a private conversation that he wasn't meant to hear._

_ "Do you remember Jasper? My best-friend ever? I told you about him."_

_ "Yeah I remember. You two are so fucking gay for each other it isn't even funny." Jet-black hair circled his hand around Riley's wrist. Jasper thought this guy looked like Adam Lambert. "Dude. He like lives less than a minute away. Are you seriously going to jump from fucking me to him."_

_ Jasper's eyes widened. "Err...we're not fucking."_

_ The guy twisted his lip. "Whatever." A few minutes later he stormed past Jasper looking like he could kill the next person that looked at him the wrong way. "You can fucking have him. All he's good for is sex anyways. Fuck him and then throw him away."_

_ Riley was listening and he didn't seem phased at all by the guy's comments. "Love you too. Sorry that we didn't finish." He was waving now. _

_ "I'm not sleeping with you." Jasper said to Riley with a smile._

_ "Oh really?" Riley said playing back with him. "I kicked him out just for you. Get up here Jazz, like right now, I'm not going to even allow you to stop and take a piss."_

_ Jasper ran up the stairs two at a time. Riley was in the shower now. _

_ "So what the hell was that?" Jasper asked._

_ "Um...a boy."_

_ "I can tell he's a boy. But the drama? When did you start breaking hearts?" Jasper questioned._

_ "I didn't break his heart. I saw him at a restaurant. He was eating a hot dog with loads of relish, and I sat by him. We talked. And then I brought him home. We watched ET. And then he started to kiss me." Riley poked his head around the curtain and smiled. "And the rest is a little Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape. So er...onto family friendly goodness did you get my present?"_

_ "Present or presents?"_

_ "Present. The paper cranes. It was pretty difficult getting past your dad every night. But I can be pretty crafty when I want to be. I thought you would appreciate the magic and geometry of it all. I'm trying to make a 1,000...I thought I could finish by the time I saw you, but I've been getting really distracted lately. Boys are like chocolate. Just one isn't enough. They melt in your mouth not in your hands. Mmm...M&M's. What was I talking about?"_

_ "You were about to take a shower...which is why you're in there. You filthy little sex fiend." Jasper teased._

_ "Oh yeah that's why the water is on." Riley's head disappeared. "We only have 560 minutes to catch up and I don't want to waste a second. Tell me everything. How are you? Did you meet any girls in College Park.? Did you make any new friends? Did you do as you promised and get up during lecture and dance like Lady GaGa?"_

_ Jasper took a seat on the bathroom floor and laughed. "I only promised that to make you laugh. Dancing like Lady Gaga isn't something that I would typically do. That's more your style. And in lecture?" Jasper laughed. "Not me. But why do we only have 560 minutes?"_

_ "Because there is never enough time in a day. But thank god we're not living in Alaska. Some days the sun doesn't even come out up there. Imagine the depression. No sun. Just snow and moose antlers. Oh but they do have the aurora borealis...I could deal with no sun for that."_

_ "Are you going somewhere?" Jasper asked softly._

_ "You didn't answer any of my questions." Riley reminded. "Did you want me to ask them again."_

_ "I forgot all your questions because you talk so much. I missed you though." Jasper said honestly. "Like crazy."_

_ Riley didn't say anything for a few seconds. "I've made 562 paper cranes. I need 1,000. If I can make you 1,000 then any wish, whatever you want is supposed to come true. Well technically my wish will come true...but I don't want anything so I'm making a wish for you."_

_ Jasper's eyebrows furrowed. "When did you start making the cranes?"_

_ "Right after you left." Riley said. "It was raining in my room. I had to keep myself busy because the rain was messing up my carpets. You were gone and I kept getting sad..so well I started reading and I came across this story about a girl who had leukemia during World War II as a result of the atomic bombing in Hiroshima...Sadako made 644 cranes before she died and her friends and family finished the rest."_

_ "So I kept myself busy and I folded the cranes. I made a lot in the first week but then I had a crazy idea to hop on a plane and see Sadako's statue. I took a ton of pictures for you. The 1,000 cranes also symbolize peace. Isn't that kind of neat. So I give you peace Jasper. Peace and happiness...that's all you need right. That, chocolate and boys. Well girls for you."_

_ "Riley."_

_ "Yeah Jazz."_

_ "I can help you make the cranes. Just show me how."_

_ A few minutes later both Riley and Jasper were on the floor._

_ "Do you still have those lights?" Jasper asked teasingly. "Remember how we used to sit in them and act like all our problems were outside of the circle." _

_ "Yes the circle of safety. It sure did keep Voldemort out." Riley said with twinkling blue eyes._

_ "Voldemort?" Jasper laughed._

_ "The wicked man that calls himself your father." Riley ruffled Jasper's hair. "It's under my bed. Those lights used to make you so happy. Remember like you were flying in an empty sky...with the most beautiful birds." Riley dived underneath the bed and pulled out a string of lights. "I think everyone needs a shot of childhood magic every now and then. With tragedy everywhere it's nice to feel...safe. Like we're all floating in parachutes when flecks of snow dancing in our eyes. " _

_ Jasper's cheeks warmed as he watched his best friend plug the lights in. Riley placed the lights around Jasper, and then he reached for the paper to make the paper cranes. _

_ "Watch me okay." The lights flashed across Riley's face._

_ Jasper watched Riley's hands._

_ "Each one has to be just right. You can't grant wishes on paper cranes that are missing wings."_

_ "How about we make 1,000 for you instead?" Jasper suggested._

_ Riley smoothed out the paper with his hands. His eyebrow furrowed. "But I don't need 1,000 of these. I got everything I want. A home. Books. My harmonica. And you. Life is grand my friend. Grand as cigars."_

_ "You hate cigars." Jasper laughed. "And I know you wish for something? Like maybe to find a decent guy who appreciates your um...quirkiness?"_

_ "I got you."_

_ Jasper blushed. "Yeah you got me. But don't you want a guy to like love you..."_

_ Riley tilted his head to the side as if he was thinking things over. "Sure I guess. __But I don't need to dream about love because I don't think it's something you can wish for. Love is unexpected right? It's a bullet to the heart. Something beautiful and toxic.__ Love doesn't come to those that dream or wish for it. It just happens, like an explosion. Bang."_

_ "I refuse to believe that there is nothing you want." Jasper said looking into Riley's blue eyes. _

_ "I wanted you. When we first met. I was looking for a friend. Everyone around me was so messed up, and I didn't want to be affected by them. I wanted to see the blue sky with out pollution, and I wanted to swim in the deep sea without having to worry about drowning. And so I ran away. I was happy for a while. Just me and the birds. But then I saw you. I knew you needed me, and I needed you...and look where we are. Still doing the Scooby Doo shuffle after all these years. So that's why I want to fold you 1,000 paper cranes...or maybe a million, if a 1,000 doesn't make all your dreams come true."_

_ "Ry,"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Besides my happiness what else do you want?"_

_ Riley bit his lip. "Cinnamon sticks with sweet tea. You sure are persistent." Riley looked down. "I guess if I was forced...strapped down to a bed, and tickled until I begged for mercy I would wish..." He moved his mouth to the side. "I guess I would want this pesky diabetes to go away. What good is it to have an obsession with chocolate and not be able to eat it. But tell me about you. We've stalled enough. College Park. Girls. Life. Love. And everything in between."_

_ "Well I met a girl. Her name is Alice. And she scares me," Jasper clenched his jaw. "She reminds me of you a little. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to her." _

_ Riley stopped folding his latest paper crane, and a smile crossed his face. "You went to College Park and fell in love."_

_ "No I..." Jasper started. "I guess?"_

_ "So it is working. Sweet Aces." Riley wrote Alice on a paper crane and handed it to Jasper. "So tell me about her. Tell me about your Alice? She must shine really bright. And she must be sweet. She has to be. You deserve someone nice. I wouldn't let you settle for anything less." Riley smiled and looked down. "Just promise me you won't let her get away. You're good enough Jazz. The best. You deserve some happiness. I'd bank all the gold and chocolate in the world on that. Give it a Go. Tell her, tell Alice you love her."_

_ "And how do you know I haven't?" Jasper questioned._

_ "Cause you're my best-friend. I know you haven't." _

***

Jasper's cell phone vibrated loudly on the press. He groaned as he tiredly reached for it. Jasper squinted at the screen. It was Jane. He frowned and fumbled around for the talk button. "Hello?"

He heard laughter.

"Jane," Jasper murmured. "Why are you calling me at..."

"Eleven in the morning." She filled in. "We have a date. You promised remember? The weekend when you wouldn't work or study. Just give your soul to me."

"It's not eleven?" Jasper said in disbelief. He pulled the covers off of him and sat up.

"Oh it is." Jane said matter of factly. "Meet me at Stamp Student Union in an hour. I'll be waiting."

"What are we doing?" Jasper interjected.

"You can't cancel on me Whitlock. I won't allow it."

Jasper stifled a yawn.

"Besides it's a beautiful day out. You need some sun. _Vampire_." Jane cackled. "Call me when you get here. I guess I'll just camp out in the studying area and wait."

"Mhmm," Jasper sighed. After saying bye to her Jasper walked to the bathroom. He stretched out his arms, and then braced his hands on the sink. Jasper arched his back and leaned forward to brush his teeth. He went out of his way to avoid the mirror. He couldn't stand to see the bruises covering his body. Because he couldn't...and he wouldn't flash back to that night.

He closed his eyes tightly and breathed in and out. Jasper balled his fist. Cutting off all the circulation. It took him a few seconds, but he managed to get it together. He was okay now. Jasper turned on the shower and stepped underneath the hot torrent of water. He scrubbed his body clean. Jasper thought about Alice. This was his ten minutes. Each day Jasper allowed at least ten minutes to think about all the things he wanted to say to her.

"I love you." Was at the very top.

Jasper only allowed ten minutes, because anything more than that, hurt too much. He thought about the way she tended to his eye yesterday, and the innocent butterflies that fluttered in his stomach whenever she got too close. Her touch was like a song, a beautiful song that encouraged him to go on, even though everything else felt so hopeless.

He pressed his hand against the wall and bowed his head. The water rolled down his cheeks and onto the tile. Jasper remembered seeing Alice standing on top of the stairs in front of McKeldin Library. She was handing out pamphlets for Dylan Keller. He had been transfixed, completely enamored while watching her. He was moved that Alice wanted to use her voice to speak up for the millions of voices that went unheard. That day he felt like Alice was also speaking for him.

Which was why the first thing he said, when he got his voice back was that he was, "Happy," He was happy that Alice touched his life, and even more so that he was given the chance to know her.

***

**An hour later**

---

"We're here," Jane announced.

Jasper looked at her for the first time since he had gotten in the car. "I can't believe you took me all the way out here. To the middle of nowhere."

"Well where else do you expect me to do my sacrifices." Jane said with a sly smirk. She looked down at Jasper's hand. He loosened his tightly balled fist. "Why are you so tense?"

"I'm not tense." Jasper said giving her a small smile.

"Then why are you nervous?" Jane asked instead. "I have absolutely no desire to hurt you." Jane tilted her head to the side. "So did you want to go in. Or chill in this car all day?"

"What is this place?" Jasper asked focusing his attention back on the sprawling McMansion nestled far off into the woods.

"The latest project." Jane explained. "My uncle Aro is an architect and he builds houses for fun. I guess when you have enough money to never have to work again, it's worth investing in prime real estate." Jane rested her head against the seat. "Alec and I use this house as a retreat. Our go to place when we need an escape. Guess you're in the circle now?" Jane looked down and smiled sweetly.

Jasper watched Jane closely. She was smiling a lot more than usual. "Where are we?"

"Finksburg, Maryland right on the outskirts of Carroll County." She opened the door and stepped out into the crisp woodsy air. "Save the rest of your questions for when we get inside."

Birds chirped musically in the trees, the air was cooling with the fading day. Dusk would be in soon. Jasper shoved his hands in his pockets as he followed after Jane. She hopped up the steps leading to the red double doors. Jane dug around in her purse for the keys. He remained at the bottom with his arms crossed behind his back.

"Here we go." Jane said as she used the heel of her black flats to push open the door. He noticed that a plastic heart hung from her oversized black and white purse. He could barely make out four people inside the plastic heart. Jasper tried to get a closer look but Jane had moved. She was now standing in the doorway; a grand chandelier was hanging over her head. "Are you waiting for me to invite you in or something?"

His cheeks warmed, "No I just..."

Jane ran down the stairs towards him. She took Jasper's hand and tugged gently. "C'mon before you get caught out here in the rain."

Jasper stepped inside the house. Jane still held on tightly to his hand. Purple flowers were in a black vase by the door, the floors were a dark marble, and the walls were white. The house had a rich, classical feeling to it.

"Alec!" Jane yelled. She waited for a response and then tilted her head towards the kitchen. "I guess he isn't here. What do you want to eat? I think there is food in the fridge. I haven't been here in a while."

Jasper freed his hands from Jane's. "The house is nice."

The kitchen was bright and hi-tech, oversized windows showcased beautiful views of the surrounding forest. A pond shimmered with white light in the backyard. Jane went to the refrigerator. "We have OJ, Grape Juice, and vodka. What do you want to drink?"

"I'm good."

"OJ then." Jane said deciding for him. "Alec is the cook here, so don't expect anything fancy. Is PB & J okay."

"Jane I don't expect anything from you." Jasper insisted.

She poured him a glass of OJ and slid it over to him. "Of course you don't darlin'. You don't expect anything from anyone."

Jasper reached for the glass. He took a sip and shifted his attention to Jane's purse, which was sitting on the counter beside him. Now he could see clearly that the picture was of Jane, Alec, and two adults. "Are those people your parents?"

Jane paused. Her smile fell. She followed Jasper's eyes to her purse. "Yes." She looked down. "Tell me about _your_ parents."

He didn't expect her to ask him that. Jasper finished off the rest of his orange juice to keep from answering right away. She whirled around on her heels to look at him. He could see the wheels turning in her head. He had no idea what she was thinking. "My parents are in Alabama."

"Oh really? Both of them?" Jane asked as if she knew he was lying.

"Sure," Jasper answered.

Jane sat the sandwich down in front of him. She traced her thumb along the plastic heart. "My parents are dead. They died in a fire. That's why I don't talk about them that much." She didn't show any emotion. Her voice didn't even quiver in the slightest.

Jasper studied her closely. His eyebrows pulled together in remorse. "They died in a fire?"

"Yeah, that's what I said." Jane said evenly. "_Eat._"

Jasper swallowed. He stared into Jane's void eyes. All the smiles she had given him in the car were now gone. "I'm really sorry about that Jane."

She smiled. "Don't be. I accepted their deaths a long time ago. I'm fine now. But you won't be fine if you don't eat."

Jasper felt an uneasiness quell in his stomach. He looked away from her, wondering as he often did who Jane really was. She showed signs of humility with him, but to everyone else she was cold. She smiled, and even occasionally made him smile, but there was darkness to her, something wicked, but seemingly tragic that he couldn't comprehend. He wondered now if she was that way because of what happened to her parents?

"Have you ever been in love before?" Jane asked out of the blue as she looked down and traced shapes on the counter.

Jasper looked up at her surprised. He wasn't sure how to answer that question. Why would she ask him that? "Umm? Jane I don't..."

"It's bubbly huh? Sickening and sweet. I guess it could be lovely." The intensity of the shapes Jane traced became more frequent, and urgent. "I think that some people may be incapable of that feeling. People like you."

Jasper jerked out of his blank state of mind. "_Me_."

Jane narrowed her eyes. They were burning red and brown. Tearing into his soul. Identical spheres of mystery and something else that he couldn't understand. "I want to show you something."

"I _feel_." Jasper stated. His cheeks warmed indignantly.

"If your parents died today. Would you care?"

"What kind of fucked up question is that?"

"Most people would say yes without even blinking." Jane said.

"Did you care when your parents _died_?" Jasper retorted almost angrily just to show her how ridiculous her question was.

"Oh I cared." Jane looked away from him. "I cared enough to get me locked up in a mental institution. It's not everyday that you see your parents get burned alive. Kind of like marshmallows in a campfire...except a million times worse."

She stared just past Jasper's head and then a disturbing smile formed on her face. A far away smile that didn't quite connect reality with whatever was going on in her head. "I probably would've died too if Alec didn't grab me and drag me out of there." Jane looked back at Jasper. "But everything happens for a reason. I'm not going to cry over it. I've done enough crying. Crying is giving up."

Jasper swallowed.

"You have tears in your eyes?" Jane said quickly. Her tone was still robotic. But yet she looked sad.

"No I..."

"Everything I just said could've been a lie. But look how much power I just had over you. That's how people fuck you up."

He looked away from her.

Jane placed her hand underneath his chin. "But I would never lie to you. At least not unless I had to. It's survival sometimes, making faces, hiding behind the bitch mask, or the sweet kid that everyone loves. " She brought her hand down to Jasper's heart. "I can tell you what love feels like. Because you don't know."

She trailed her hands down to his, and took his hand in hers. Jane tugged until Jasper stood up. He stared at her darkly as she led him up the stairs. He had a feeling that she was finally going to solve the puzzle, and show him exactly what her intentions were. She went to a closed door and opened it. The room was empty. Empty with white walls, and paint splattered all over them. Jane flipped on the light switch.

"This is my space." Jane explained. She stepped over the plastic covering the floor. "Paint." Jane pointed to the far corner. "When I was _away_ I discovered how much I enjoyed art. The simplicity of it, or the abstract complexity that no one can understand but you."

Jane kicked off her flats and slipped on a paintsuit over her clothes. "It gets kind of messy in here. Put one on." Jane said as if everything was completely normal. "And goggles." She threw that at him as well. Jasper let the goggles fall to the floor. "One time I got a little too into it, and I accidentally got paint in Alec's eye."

"So you just throw paint around?" Jasper asked with an edge to his voice. Something else was going on here that he couldn't put his finger on. Jane's demeanor had clearly changed from the car to now. He had an inkling that she was up to something.

"And you _just_ get in the boxing ring to relieve stress."

"Is red your favorite color?" Jasper asked. It was his turn to ask the questions.

"Red is usually what I'm feeling." She looked at Jasper. "What color are you feeling?"

"I have little imagination." Jasper said stiffly. Jane grabbed a paintbrush and dipped it in yellow. She went over to a bare space on the wall and drew a stick figure.

"This is you."

Jasper kept his eyes on her. He was staring at her hard.

And then she grabbed another paintbrush, dipped it in red, and then drew an X, over the stick figure. "Scared. Lost. Confused. Rejected."

Jasper clenched his jaw. "Cut the bullshit Jane. What are you up too? Why did you bring me here."

"Tell me I'm wrong." She demanded.

"You're wrong."

"That wasn't convincing." She said. Jane used her paintbrush to write **LIAR** in red. "Last month I was at the gym with Alec. He was doing what he usually does, slutting it up, and throwing himself at any guy that would look at him twice. It gets so boring watching him. Because he's looking for love...and in his little fucked up mind sex and love are the same thing."

Jasper clenched his fists.

Jane painted steam coming from the stick figure's head. "You were also at the gym, you and Emmett McCarty. He was watching you, and so was I. You gave us quite the show Jazz. Imagine this playing in a theatre near you. The cool, calm and collected Jasper Whitlock going full out _psycho_ on a punching bag out of nowhere. Who would've known that you had so much anger in you. It looked like you wanted to tear that fucking thing down from the wall and then light it on fire."

"You were so gone. At that moment I saw everything you've tried to hide from me...from the world all this time.." Jane walked across the room. "When my aunt and uncle sent me to that fucking mental institution. I hated them with everything I had. I wasn't crazy. I was just hurting. But they thought I needed it. I was just stuck in between feeling and feeling nothing at all. I was blissfully numb floating in between heaven and hell."

"But I did learn a lot when I was in that place. I heard stories. I saw kids who had been abused and beaten by their parents. Left for dead. Those kids thought they were weak, covering up their physical and psychological scars with destructive habits. But I never thought they were weak. It was their oppressors that were weak."

Jane took his hands in hers. Her hands were cold as ice. He looked back at her feeling a pressing horror. She knew? Somehow she knew everything he tried so hard to hide.

"The best way to deal with pain sometimes is to numb it. And there are different ways you can do that. You could put yourself above everyone, test their limits, push until they're too weak to push back, and keep pushing until they fucking break." Her eyes suddenly turned hard, but yet there was still sadness. "It's the sweetest addiction from pain. Taking down those that think they are so much better than you." Jane's lips pulled into a soft smile, she looked far away again. "There is nothing in the world better than power...and there is nothing worse than not having any at all."

"Rosalie Hale is one person who holds a lot of power. Everyone is scared of her because they think that she's so intimidating. But she isn't. She's weak and sad. We were friends back in high school, we could've still been friends, but then I realized how ordinary she needed me to be for her self-esteem to boost. And that's when I decided to turn the tables. I knew her weaknesses so I prayed on them."

Jasper backed away from Jane.

She placed her hands to his face.

"Don't touch me." Jasper snarled.

"I sold my soul a long time ago. Because I'd rather feel nothing than care about everything. Have you ever considered how easily it is to have everything you ever wanted and then lose it all the next day?"

He felt hate. Her hands dug deeper into the side of his face. She was mindfucking him. Jane looked deeper into his eyes.

"I'm going to tell you one last time to get your fucking hands off of me." He growled.

"I told everyone at school that Rosalie was bulimic." Jane laughed even though tears were falling down her cheek. "But she wasn't. Isn't that priceless?"

He felt more anger, creeping up inside him, licking at his flesh. Burning a hole into his heart. Jasper saw his father. That drunken look in his eyes. The stench of whiskey on his breath. The hard impact of his fists coming down on his head. Hot tears. Salty in his mouth tingled on his taste buds. His silence was deafening.

"She cried for days in the bathroom during lunch. At first I felt bad, but then it felt good to see her crying in the bathroom, like she made other girls do all the time. That power consumed me, and I couldn't turn away from it, because I wasn't sad anymore. I was on top. I was in control. No one or nothing could hurt me because I was so high."

"Shut up." Jasper said through clenched teeth.

But Jane continued on like a girl possessed.

"And there were more insignificant people after her, and then I met Jacob Black." Jane smiled. "I think he was the most pathetic one of all."

"Jane. Shut the _fuck_ up." Why was she telling him all these horrible things. He wanted to put his hands over his ears, because he couldn't bear to hear anymore. People being manipulated. People being used. People he cared about. He cared about Rosalie and he cared about Jacob. He pushed his hands on her shoulders, but not too hard, because he still didn't want to hurt her. Jasper knew his power. He could break her just as easily, as she used her psychological mind fucking to break others.

"No, the story is good." Jane gripped onto Jasper tighter, "That night I first saw you with him I thought...I thought that he was trying to come onto you. Anyone with eyes could see that he's _gay_. But he was scared of that. He couldn't bear for anyone to know." Jane's eyes narrowed. "So you know what I did...I let him know that I was onto him. The second you walked away I accused him of coming onto you. And he got scared! You should've seen the way he squirmed. And to make things even better my idiotic twin came onto him right after that."

She let go of his shirt. The red on the walls blurred inside his mind. He saw Jane's smile and then the cold look in her eyes. Her words echoed in his head. She was touching his face now, Jasper wanted to push her off of him, but if he did, if he touched her, he knew he would hurt her. And he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt anyone else. He couldn't. He started to shake. She needed to get away from him!

Jane's fingertips danced across his eye. He winced. "Who did that to you. Your mom or your dad."

"_What_." He breathed.

"Who made you their punching bag Jasper. Who hurt you." She felt impossibly strong holding him to the wall. Her eyes were treacherous. She was demanding answers that he wasn't ready to give. Jasper placed his shaking hands on her arms, considering pushing her away. "It's over." Jane said. "You can be free from them."

Jasper closed his eyes.

"All the pain. All the anger." She pressed him against the wall with more force. "I could snap you in half. I could break your bones and laugh while you cried on the floor. It would be that easy. Because it's all coming down, everything you hid. Life will break you if you don't fight back. You have to fight. You can't just sit in a corner and cry. Fight!"

Jane slammed her hand against the wall.

Jasper drew in a sharp breath.

"_Fight_!"

Jasper suddenly pushed her away. Everything inside of him exploded like a monster. She fooled him...and the worst part was that he let it happen. He knew that he couldn't understand her. He knew that something was off about her but he stayed out of _curiosity_. He was so fucking stupid. He was compelled to destroy everything, or cry, but he couldn't cry. He wouldn't.

He didn't let himself think. He didn't let the guilt seep in. His hands hungrily grabbed at everything he could. He unintentionally recreated the last scene at his house. He took her stupid paint and hurled it at the walls, emptying the cans savagely on the floor. The world spun in a sea of green, a haze of yellow, and red. Fuck her!

"Who the fuck do you think you are fucking with people's fucking emotions like that!" Jasper exploded. "What makes you think that you have the right. Just because you're so pathetic and you hate yourself doesn't mean you have to tear people down. And fuck them up just because you're fucked up."

"But you won't turn your back on me. I can hurt you. I can kick you. I can make you feel like you are the most worthless person in the whole world."

"No I hate you." Jasper spat. "I hate you."

"Say it again." Jane said looking around at the messy room.

Tears welled down Jasper's cheek. "Stay the fuck away from me you crazy bitch."

Jane nodded. Her eyes were watering. "Tell them that. Whoever hurt you. Tell them you hate them. Tell them that this is the end. They can't touch you. You're fucking untouchable. Stop the cycle. You're strong enough."

"The first time I saw you I thought you shined like a star, and you were the most beautiful star I had seen in my life." Jane looked down. "After years of manipulation and playing with people's emotions it's easy to tell when people are faking it. I'm not sure what's so different about you. When I see weak people. I hate them. But I didn't hate you. I wanted to save you." Jane laughed bitterly.

"You can call me whatever you want. Heartless. A cold hearted cutthroat bitch. I don't care. Because I won't take back the things I told you. My only regret is that I pushed you to tell me you were abused. I got frustrated and tactless...and maybe I hurt you more than I intended too. But crying in a corner and reliving the fire, and breathing in the ashes of your past will only kill you quicker. A clock is ticking, and the seconds are going by faster. There isn't enough time. There is never enough time."

Jasper shook his head. "I'm leaving...don't worry about taking me home. I'll calling a taxi."

"Jasper."

He ignored her.

Jane reached for his arm.

He paused but didn't look at her.

"I was different once. I wasn't always like this. You look at me like I'm a monster. You shudder at me like I'm your fear. But you only fear me because that's what I wanted. I pushed you, just like I could push everyone. The only way to destroy fear is to fight it. But the problem with fear is...that sometimes you love the things you fear. Your parents. Feeling weak. Crying for everyone to see. Loss. Blood. Feeling like the world is ending. Or in the most basic of all fears...falling in love with a dream that could never be."

"I asked you if you had ever been in love because I think I found the one thing that grounded me. Made me smile. I found you. And I fell in love." Jane laughed. "But I crushed it. I made you hate me like everyone else. Because I think...I know that if I Iet you love me, if I tricked you into loving me...the fire would come back. And you would burn too."

He recoiled from her. Pulling his arm free.

"Only you could make love sound so _vile_. You're sick." Jasper said unable to find words to express everything that Jane Ambrosio was.

A door opened downstairs.

"Jane?" Alec called.

Jasper walked out of the room without giving Jane another look. His guard was down. He was completely stripped. She had stripped him of everything and he felt naked and bruised. He saw Alec's mouth drop open.

"Jasper what are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way out." He said not wanting to talk. But Alec followed him outside anyways.

"What did she say to you?" Alec said sounding worried.

Jasper remained silent.

"Whatever she said...don't let her get to you. That's what she wants." Alec scowled. "I'm sorry. God I should've put more effort into keeping you away from her. But I thought if anyone could handle her it was you."

Jasper stopped. "Why are _you_ apologizing. You're not the insane one."

"Because she's my sister and I'm supposed to look after her." Raindrops fell from the sky. "But sometimes I can't..." His eyes were sad. "She is in love with you. And I think that really drives her over the edge..." He bit his lip. "She's not right. You've been a good friend to her but if you can't return..." Alec shook his head. "Where is your car."

"I'm calling a taxi."

Alec scowled. "A taxi from here to College Park?"

"It's my only option."

"Take my car." Alec offered handing Jasper his keys. "Just please do it before she gets really mad. I don't think I can deal with that right now."

"I can't take your car." Jasper said feeling pity for Alec, despite everything he was already feeling.

"You can. Just park the car at Cambridge Hall and give the keys to Edward, I'll get a ride back to school with Jane." Alec placed the keys in Jasper's hand. "It's okay." He said again. "Go okay?"

***

_Jasper stepped back into his house. The party was over. He clenched his jaw. There were no signs of anyone. He told Riley that he was going to come back, but he needed to get his belongings that he left at home. Jasper felt a tug. He stopped right by his father's study. A sickening desire to step inside the room permeated his body, and boiled right underneath his skin. If his dad was lying about being sober then he could find out right now. His heart leapt dangerously. Jasper felt sick and anxious all at the same time. A monster brewed inside him. It made sense for Jasper to leave it alone, grab his bag and leave, but he was drawn to the fire._

_ A bright red light blinked on the phone. Tread cautiously. He clenched his fists. Scenes played in his head like a haunting movie. His dad slouched in the chair with a bottle of alcohol in his hands, the shadow of venom in his eyes, and then finally the cold stare when their eyes connected. Asthma attacks and fear, A deadly cocktail mix. Jasper wanted to hurt him. He wanted to pay him back. He wanted to see him bleed, cry, and scream. Jasper winced. Why were his thoughts so violent. He had no reason to want to fight. His dad had been calm since he got back._

_ Jasper felt overwhelmed with emotion as he stepped into the study. His buried desire for retribution propelled him forward. Tears glistened in his eyes. Jasper had no idea what he could possibly find. But he was driven crazy to find something, to validate that his father hadn't changed. He wanted to find something. Jasper needed it. He would tear the whole study apart if he had too._

_ More images danced in front of his eyes as he pulled open cabinets, moved chairs out of the way, and looked on top of shelves. His breaths were ragged, and tears wouldn't stop falling down his cheeks. He was consumed. He needed to find something. He needed it. Victor wasn't clean. He was a liar! He was a liar! And Jasper was going to prove it. He reached for a manila folder and threw it onto the floor. Papers flew everywhere. Jasper wasn't done yet. He went to the closet like a mad man and searched through everything on the floor, and then he pulled down the clothes. _

_ More papers, more clothes, everything was falling. And then his hands touched a glass bottle. Jasper pulled back. His heart beats filled the silent room. Slow and steady, and then quickening at a maddening rate. He drew back before the anger corrupted his soul. Stars twinkled in his eyes. Jasper pondered if this was a bad idea, but it was too late. His hands dug back into the closet and he pulled out the suspicious bottle. It burned like hot fire in his hands. His hands started to shake. Liar. Fucking liar! But why should he be surprised? Jasper already knew. Rage took him captive in it's rusted clutches. He lost himself and started to pull down bottle after bottle. There were five of them in total. Jasper shook his head and laughed to himself._

_ Why was he laughing? He tried to stop. But he couldn't. Because this was so funny. His dad brought everyone from the church here. They thought he was CLEAN. They held a party for him. Jasper laughed harder as tears fell down his cheek. What a joke. What a fucking joke. He grabbed at his sides and crumpled to the floor next to the alcohol. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he stop laughing?_

_ Clean. Liar. Abusive. Fucking Cheat. Hatred. Hate. Hate. Hate!_

_ Jasper picked up a bottle and then hurled it across the room. The sound was deafening. A sickening crash that echoed in his ears and bounced off the walls. His dad still had shotguns on the wall. The laughter stopped and Jasper looked around the room. He felt empty, unbearably empty, and he knew that he had found everything he was looking for. The lie to end this masochistic relationship with his father and himself._

_ The lie that proved that people were incapable of changing. Once a monster always a monster. _

_ He should go now. Back to Riley so he could surround himself with lights, paper cranes, and the absence of feeling like this. Even if it was an escape, at least he knew he would be in control. But then Victor walked into the room; his mouth was wide open_

_ "Jasper..."_

_ Jasper looked up at him darkly from the floor. All the red on the wall seemed to shine brightly. The guns seemed to rattle. He could pick one up. For everything his dad had done. A violent end. Jasper smiled. He wanted to cry and kick and scream. "I thought you were clean."_

_ "I am clean..."_

_ "Really?" Jasper's lips twisted into a grimace. "Then what is this?"_

_ "Just because I have alcohol doesn't mean I'm drinking it..."_

_ Jasper looked down at the bottles and then back at his dad. "Then why were all those people here? Celebrating because you were sober for three months. Did they know that every drop wasn't gone like you told them!"_

_ The rage licked at his insides burning him alive. Violent images danced in front of him. He saw death and shadows. Macabre nightmares. Horror. Horrible things. He wanted this to end. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. Jasper just wanted to let go, and start over. He needed to start over, but as he looked back at the man that had inflicted so much pain and agony over him, he still just saw hate. Red. Everything was red again. He lost reason when he heard a little boy crying somewhere. _

_ Scared little boy. Weak. He didn't want to be those things anymore._

_ "You Liar." He spat._

_ Victor's lips thinned. "But Jasper I have been doing so well." His face twisted. "For two months I've been sober. Two months. That's a long time. But it's so hard to stay that way. It started out with just a few sips here and there, and before I knew it, I was having one glass every night. I made so much progress and I didn't want to just let it all go to shit. And you coming here made me think that maybe I could stop again."_

_ "How good was it dad?" Jasper asked with a steely edge._

_ Victor looked confused._

_ "How good was it to know that you fooled everyone. And even better how good was it to know that you had someone to beat on. Someone to take all your insecurities and anger out on. How fucking good did that feel. Was I a good punching bag? Did I make you feel good. Did I fucking make you feel good?"_

_ Victor swallowed and looked down. "Jasper please..."_

_ "You chased away everyone that was stupid enough to give a fuck. But I'm done letting you use me as an excuse. And I'm done listening to your lies. My mom was smart when she left you. Who knows where she would've been if she stayed. You're pathetic. And even Elizabeth saw that."_

_ Victor's eyes flashed daringly. "Jasper."_

_ "She saw right through you." His lips trembled. "Elizabeth saw that you were a monster..."_

_ "No!" Victor yelled. "I treated her right. I loved her."_

_ "Then why did she fucking leave you. She ran away from you!"_

_ A guttural howl escaped Victor's lips and before Jasper could defend himself he was being tackled to the ground. Victor was gone. His green eyes were black and deadly. And his fist was like a hammer, drilling into his head. Jasper blacked out. _

_ ***_

Jasper knocked on Edward and Jacob's door.

Edward answered a few moments later.

Jasper was hoping for Jacob, but he could deal with Edward's glares for a few seconds.

Right after leaving Finksburg the rain started to come down. Jasper was drenched from head to toe. "Hi Edward." He felt awkward. Jasper hated the fact that he cared what Edward thought of him.

"Um hey what's up?" Edward asked. His green eyes studied him curiously.

Edward intimidated the fuck out of Jasper. He rarely smiled and there was something about Edward that Jasper didn't trust. He wasn't sure what it was, but when he looked at him sometimes...he got a little scared?

"Did you want to come in or something?" Edward asked awkwardly.

At that moment Jasper realized he had just been standing there looking at Edward like he had just seen a ghost. And in a way he had. _No_. He was just paranoid. No couldn't be. He was losing it. He really was. Jasper closed his eyes.

"Jasper are you okay?"

"No..." Jasper said slowly. "You look like someone...I just realized that." His cheeks flushed.

"Oh?" Edward replied looking like he wanted to slam the door in Jasper's face for acting so weird. "Who?" Edward asked as if to fill the silence.

Jasper couldn't answer that. At least not aloud. He remembered seeing a picture of his parents when they were younger...and then he saw Edward in comparison to that picture. It was just a coincidence or he was completely losing his mind. But Edward looked like a younger version of his dad. Jasper pressed the keys into Edward's hands.

"Alec told me to leave these with you." And then he quickly left unable to contemplate the resemblance any further.


	23. Yesterday's Ashes

**AN**: Hey guys! I know it's been forever since I last updated but life has been insanely hectic. And not to mention with this story ending soon I am very critical over the last chapters. Constant rewrites. Reworking. Everything. So I apologize again. But I would like to really thank everyone that reviewed last chapter from the bottom of my heart. Because I fully expected reviews to be down and maybe a few reviews complaining about the lack of Jake and Edward, but the comments were very rewarding. I put so much into that chapter and in that chapter it has a LOT of clues for where this story will end up. You guys had a lot of really good questions especially about Jasper's connection to Edward. I will explain everything in the next chapter and then from there the beginning of the end will start. This chapter is mostly Edward and Jake, just because the last chapter didn't focus on them. P.S, I had started responding to questions back when I posted last chapter, and I honestly can't remember who I answered. So PLEASE don't feel slighted if I didn't respond I just don't want to send double emails to anyone and fill up ya'll mailbox with my junk mail lol. Once again I love you guys so much. Thank you for reading, thank you for caring, and thanks for reviewing this story that I spend so much time obsessing about. I really will try for the next update to come with this week or the next. Love, Maddie

Also this chapter includes mature themes. So anyone under 18 just a warning ;)

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing.

Chapter 23- Yesterday's Ashes

--Jacob--

Sleep refused to come easily tonight. Every time I closed my eyes something distracted me. The room was too hot. Edward was falling off the bed. And I couldn't stop thinking about my life this past year. It seemed like I should just give up on sleep entirely. Luckily for me spring break saved me from having to stumble into class on two hours of sleep.

The white lights hanging along the ceiling were incredibly bright. One light was slowly dying. I focused on it watching as it faded in and out, struggling to survive and then finally it died. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and mentally started to count backwards from one hundred. Edward murmured something incoherently. I opened my eyes and watched him sleep for a few moments. I kissed him softly on the lips. He looked so peaceful. Oh great now I found a new way to feed the insomnia.

I laid down on my back and folded my arms behind my head. I absently stared up at the ceiling as my mind explored a multitude of thoughts. The first night here I didn't give a shit about anything except numbing the pain. The world was a black void and all the space around me was empty and monstrous. I was drowning. Slowly dying in a sea of nightmares and fears. I had forgotten all my hopes, all my dreams, and I was throwing the last days of my youth away.

My demons were burning me alive from the inside. I was dying. I was suffocating. But _he_ reached out, like this perfect angel; he reached out and grabbed me. Edward refused to let me drown. Through the blackness I felt his hands pull me out of the water, and I saw his green eyes, those sad beautiful orbs, that saved me. He gave me light. The light I needed to stay alive.

I used to wonder how he managed to deal with me with such grace and finesse. I imagined that he often took a mental break. He lost himself in vivid dreams, rainbows of color, far away adventures that didn't include the grey skies and torrential downpours I brought down with treacherous ferocity. He would stare off into space with a small smile and this dreamy look that told me he was escaping. He was running to the place in his mind where the world and the people in it functioned according to _his_ dreams. I hoped in his dreams that I worked right. That I was the way I used to be.

When I was younger I used to spend a lot of time dreaming as well. I had this need to make everyone happy. Frowns sent me into this frenzy that made me do anything to get a smile. My mom told me that I would dance or sing, or tell jokes. She said I was quite the entertainer. I didn't remember doing all that, but I did remember the feeling of cheering someone up. I felt warm and content. Edward made me feel that warmth, which I hadn't felt since my parent's death.

Now I understood the main problem with wanting to fix everyone. When you failed. The failure was epic. The walls crashed down around your safe zone, shadows danced on the wall, and the smell of death lingered in the air. After my world crashed the light escaped from my life like it had been sucked into a black hole. All that remained was darkness. I was left broken and disregarded on the floor. I fought. I fought like hell to save my dad but when he stopped acknowledging my presence it all went downhill from there.

Dark shadows appeared under his eyes. That was the first sign. He was a vanishing man. A body without a soul. A face that no longer smiled. He just stared. He stared and waited for death. But I _still _tried to remind him that I was there. I thought he was my last hope. The last piece of sanity I had to hold onto before I caved. Needless to say when he died with a bottle of whiskey near his bed, it was impossible to stomach the tragedy...the sorrowful inkling that the bottle of whiskey was more important than me. I turned my emotions inside and I shut out the people closest to me. The pain was too much and I was too weak.

My life passed by in that dark drowning blur until Edward Cullen came along. He was infectious; everything about him lifted me up. I was drawn to him in an unexplainable way. Like a candle I needed his fire to bring me to life. He made me smile without even trying, and I felt so at ease with him. I didn't have to think about hiding myself. I could just be me. And that felt nice.

I used to get lost in his eyes when we talked. He made me forget my words, forget what I was doing, he made me laugh when I felt like I couldn't. How could he be so perfect? Sometimes I used to wonder about the story behind his eyes. The reason why he never smiled unless in the presence of someone he trusted. But I never asked because he was too busy healing my demons with unconditional love and support.

Just be is what he used to say. We're alive. You're alive. I'm here. I'll always be here for you Jake. Always. Even at the very end. Everything is going to stop eventually. The sun will stop shining. Day will turn into permanent night. And everything will cease to exist. But I'm here, and so are you. Shouldn't we make the most of this? I'd rather live right now while my heart is beating than try to cram an entire life of living into my last day.

His words burned a lasting impression onto my soul. He was right and so poetically so at that. Life was short and with tomorrow being a black smudge in the future he inspired me to want to do something. He inspired me to want to change.

I laid in the stillness with the early morning dawn bouncing pale blue light on the walls. I wondered what Leah was doing right now? Was she sleeping? Was she hating me? Did she think that I wanted her to suffer? My mind was like a CD with scratches. So much had happened that it was impossible to just focus on one thing. And now when I closed my eyes I saw Leah. And I felt unbearable sadness.

Deep down even though I regretted ending things the way we did I knew it was for the best. By the end of our relationship I could tell that loving me was killing Leah. I saw it in her eyes when she said she loved me. Her eyes were always far away and distant like her heart knew the truth that she couldn't yet admit. Being with me disgusted her. But it was fair. I understood why she was disgusted. I wasn't the same boy she fell in love with. I had turned into my father. I lost the will to live and just like my father I had chosen whiskey over her. Whiskey over love.

Edward stirred beside me interrupting my flow of thoughts. I absently stroked my finger along his chiseled jaw dotted with a light beard. His long eyelashes lightly grazed his flushed cheeks, and his lips were parted sucking in air. I bent down and crushed my lips softly against his, breathing in his sweet air. I never wanted to choose whiskey over him. I wasn't going to hurt him like I hurt Leah. I couldn't. Because to hurt him would be taking a knife to my wrists. He woke me up. He breathed life into my lungs. My world was better because of him.

The sad thing was that he was my existence. And that used to scare the hell out of me. I feared that I would make a move that would mess up this haven that we had created. And if he stopped loving me now. If I did something...if I did anything to make him hate that part of his soul that loved me, my whole world would tilt and then disintegrate into ashes. I had a habit of obsessive direness when it came to him. His cool fingers slid like ice cubes across my chest disrupting me again.

My lips grazed his closed eyelids. Edward smiled groggily and stretched out his arms. "Good morning." I whispered.

"Mornin'. Why are you up so early?" He said softly. Edward cuddled beside me, burying his face in my side.

"I just couldn't sleep." I ran my hands through his tawny hair. "From the way you were moaning and grunting all night, I'm going to assume that not only did you sleep well but you also had some racy accompanying dreams."

"I _did_. I was in dick cinema all last night. And your cock was the main feature." He slipped his knee in between my legs.

I gulped. When he talked like that it made me want to do really naughty things to him.

"Spring Break is here." Edward said slowly changing the subject. "It seems like it was _just_ winter break. I'm not ready to go back to Savannah already."

"I won't go crazy this time." I promised half-heartedly without a beat. "I'll workout, or find something to build. I'll keep myself busy. A busy Jacob means a saner Jacob."

"Well you can always hang out with Seth?" Edward said into my chest.

"Yeah I could."

"I'm sure he misses you." Edward sat up so our eyes could be level. "And I know you miss him too."

Of course I missed Seth. "Are you hungry?" It was my turn to change the subject. Instead of answering me Edward slipped his hands in between my legs. I bit my lip as I watched him look down with desire. He was clearly hungry but instead of cereal he wanted Oscar Meyer. White heat surged from him teasing fingertips making me rise to the occasion. His touch took me back to last night. His body covered with a thin sheet of sweet. His ass. Perfect and full in my hands as I fucked him so hard that he moaned for me never to stop. And then finally the release. The explosion.

I took in a rattled breath. He squeezed me tightly obviously enjoying the control he had over me. Edward smirked devilishly. _I was all his_. There was no way to deny such a sinful look from an angelic face. He was by far the sweetest sin of all. I closed my eyes waiting to feel the warmness of his mouth. His tongue slid down the length of me. My body quaked with need as I grabbed a fistful of his hair. Edward teased me. His tongue flicked along my engorged member as if he was trying to mop up dripping ice cream.

He pulled back and opened his mouth. He was telling me to take charge. His pale lavender eyelids closed over his magnetic green eyes as I swiveled my hips to his waiting lips. My legs trembled as he took me all in. Edward placed his hands underneath me holding me to him, swallowing me whole for a few seconds, until he pulled me out breathlessly. His face was flushed scarlet.

_Dirty thoughts_.

Edward swallowed me whole again and the second time around he made this loud slurping sound. I tried not to laugh because it felt so good, but I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing which made him stop. He was such a fucking whore in bed and I _loved_ it.

He looked back at me curiously. "What's so funny?"

I childishly recreated his loud slurping sound.

Edward laughed. "Well Jake your _whole_ dick was in my mouth."

"How was the breakfast by the way?"

"It was good."

It had been two months since the first time we had sex. Two whole months and since then a lot had changed. Edward was more comfortable with his sexuality. I guess waiting until college to lose his V card made him want to learn the _art_ of pleasing a man, and learn fast_._ And he learned alright. I guess it was kind of embarrassing that the virgin was now turning porn star tricks while I was giving mediocre blowjobs that couldn't even compare. But in my defense I was just as much a virgin when it came to blowjobs.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked. He laughed a little. "You have that thoughtful expression. Creased forehead. Knitted eyebrows. Wandering eyes."

I looked down with a grin. "I'm thinking sinful things Edward. Things too naughty for your ears."

He tilted his head to the side obviously wanting to hear.

I looked down and licked my lips. I reminded myself that he was leaving for Savannah tomorrow. "I was thinking that we should go to the pancake house in Old Ellicott City."

Edward seemed a little let down that I was thinking about food. "Oh. Jimmy Beans?"

I bit my lip. "Yeah, you remembered."

"Of course I remembered." Edward raised his knee to his chest. "That's our place. But seriously Jake what's going through your head?"

"You're persistent today." I said taping his nose. "I think I liked it better when you were down on my cock." Okay that really wasn't funny because he was in serious mode. "What would you say if I told you there is absolutely nothing on my mind?"

"I wouldn't believe you." He stated. "If I go back to Georgia and you need me. It's not the same as physically being here in front of you. I can't hug you over the phone, or kiss you. I can't even give you the look."

"The look?" I smiled.

"Yeah the Jake it's not _that_ serious look." Edward bit his lip and affectionately rubbed my leg. "We're a two for one deal. If I detect that something is wrong with you, then I won't be right until I know what it is."

"What if..." I narrowed my eyes jokingly. "What if the only thing on my mind is a little gas? Taco Bell kills."

Edward rolled his eyes.

I swallowed. "Ed Monkey I'm okay. I swear."

He moved his mouth to the side as if he was forcing himself to accept my statement.

"I got good news. Rachel and Brent are going to Deep Creek for the weekend so I was thinking that we could take advantage of the house for the night? I'll make you dinner, and we can do whatever you want. I'll have you back here before your plane leaves tomorrow." I felt a stupid ache in my chest.

Edward seemed to think it over. I was hoping that his response would be an easy yes. "I'm tempted to just tell my parents that I'm staying here with you for all of spring break."

My heart selfishly stopped. I would love that.

Edward gently fingered the beads of my Quileute bracelet "But I can't because of the move and all. Most of the break we're going to be packing up the house."

I nodded in understanding even though I would've loved to have him for the whole week.

"But sure I'll come home with you. If that's what you want."

"Yeah." I said looking at him as if he was crazy. "Of course that's what I want."

"Let's go take a shower together?" He said reluctantly like something was on his mind.

I touched his arm lightly and found his hand. I pulled him towards me and gave him a hug. "If you need to know what was on my mind this morning I'll tell you. I was thinking about you Edward. The way you make me feel. How much I love you. And how mysterious you are to me."

"Mysterious?"

I nodded. "Remember that night after we came from the clinic and we stayed up all night talking. I put my insecurities on blast and I realized two things. One I was the most insecure son of a bitch in the world when it comes to true love, and two, that you really are more than just my _boyfriend_. I explained why I was so scared of us and you listened patiently and then told me that your heart beat for me."

"It's stupid. But the way you care about me, the way you listen to me even when I'm talking nonsense is beautiful. And that's what I was thinking about this morning. Miracles and impossible things that shouldn't be. The new perspective I have on life. Because of you. I feel like I need to constantly remind myself about the things you've done for me, so I never forget them."

"You won't forget." Edward promised placing his hands to my cheek. He leaned in. "Everything I ever told you. All the small things that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else you remember. I'll prove it with a test."

"A test?" I asked in confusion.

Edward nodded. "The summer before high school my family went to New York. I brought three fish from the flea market and that same night I got sick. My fish died the next day. What were their names?"

"Goldie, Silver, and Blue Buttons." I said easily.

Edward chuckled. "Who else would remember _that_? No one. So stop thinking that you're going to forget the things we got through together. Because you won't. And I'll never forget what you've done for me. I'm not the same person I used to be either. We changed for the better. Both of us."

I guess that he did have a point. I looked into his eyes wondering how exactly he had changed. I wanted Edward to be able to test me on more than just the silly names of goldfish. What about the important events in his life? He was perfect to me. But I knew that he didn't feel perfect. For some reason he didn't know how bright his aura was. Because if he did he would smile for the world to see, and not just a select few.

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to get under his skin like he got under mine. I leaned against the bed frame while my thoughts revolved around his smile. "I want _you_ to talk to me Edward. I can't remember that last time we talked about you. Tell me something. Tell me anything. It could be important or not important at all. But it's your turn. I want to stop talking. I just want to listen."

Edward blinked. His gorgeous smile faltered a little.

"Well um... here's a topic. What makes you sad?"

Edward answered me with a kiss on the lips. "_You_."

"I make you sad?"

"Yes you break my heart everyday. All you have to do is look at me and my world crumbles."

I closed my eyes. "Forget about me for a second okay. And let's just talk about _you_. All of last semester you put me on a pedestal. You've proven over and over that you can take care of me, but I can't show the same thing for you. I want you to feel like you can share anything with me. I want you to know that I can be solid."

Edward crushed his lips against mine again silencing me. This was frustrating. His kiss was sweet and stirring. But yet something was off about it. "I've told you _everything_ you need to know about me. What are you searching for Jacob?"

My eyebrows furrowed. I smiled a little still trying to figure out what I was searching for myself. "I know all surface stuff. You're from Georgia. You have a twin. And the most unreal parents ever. But besides that stuff and Dylan Keller the rest of your life is a blur. I try to fill in the pieces but I can't." I bit my lip feeling at a loss. "I can't even picture you as a kid. Because I don't know your life before you crashed into mine and saved my life."

"Jacob I promise there is no riveting back story I'm hiding from you. My life was uneventful until you showed up. That's why we don't talk about it." Edward gave me this smile that said I was being silly. That was out of character for him. I touched a nerve. I should stop.

"Really?" But I couldn't. He was my boyfriend. My amazing loving boyfriend and I had been so wrapped up in myself that I had apparently missed out on something. "I always wondered how someone like you could bring so much joy to the lives you touch, but yet have the saddest green eyes I have ever seen in my life."

The look in Edward's eyes was burning. He looked away from me.

"Edward. Talk to me. I'm me. How many hours have you clocked listening to my crap?" I paused. "At least tell me about your sleepwalking. Give me something at least. Because I woke up this morning feeling like you could never talk to me because it's been the Jacob show. " I was grasping at straws now.

"Jacob." He said.

"I love you Edward more than anything. I want to know you." That didn't come out right because I did know him. "I want to know you _more_? I want to hear your silly stories. I want to hear everything.'

"What? do you think I'm suddenly hiding something from you?"

"_No_." I declared.

Edward scowled. "Then where are you going with this Jake? Why do you _need_ me to tell you my entire life right now."

Okay. Well that didn't go how I wanted it too. I felt sad. The only reason I was able to get through my addiction was because I let Edward get through my barrier. He saved me and I was grateful for that everyday, but for some reason he didn't want to let me do the same for him. _Ouch_. Maybe that was stupid of me to expect him to open up just because I asked nicely. I turned my back to him just because I didn't want him to see the rejection register on my face.

There was a moment of silence. My eyes met his. His lips parted and then he finally spoke. "You caught me off guard." Edward's thick eyebrows drew together and he closed his eyes. "The first day of school I had my mom return all of the furniture she brought for the dorm because I was embarrassed. I didn't want you to think...I wanted to blend in. I wanted to go unnoticed."

"I wouldn't give a shit if you were rich or poor." I said.

"Exactly my point. My issues don't matter. They're all superficial and meaningless." He balled his fist. "I didn't lose both of my parents in the same year. I don't have to pay for college. And my family is incredibly supportive. I've always had everything I needed readily available to me. So why should I cry or whine to you about anything?"

"Because we're the same in a way. We bottle things up. I smile and lie. While I think you just don't talk about it. You focus on others. You fix them. But when there is nothing to fix anymore what happens? I think you stop smiling."

"If anything ever happened to me and I needed someone to turn to. You are the first person I would go to. Isn't that enough. It was before...before today?" Edward explained.

"But I want it all. Don't you understand?" I stole a kiss on his lips and gripped onto his shirt. He was burning me with his eyes again. I was so weak for him. "I want to hear your whole story. You've heard mine over and over, and not much of it's happy. It's car accidents, and addictions, and football. And then finally there's you."

Edward swallowed.

"I guarantee that I've got you beat in the sad category." I gave him a small smile.

"Hey." He said taking a deep breath. "Since you want to know everything so badly we'll talk. I'll tell you all about my childhood, and my awkward teenage years. But just not now. Not like this. My plane is leaving tomorrow and I want our last day together to be happy." He rubbed my back. He wanted me to just let it go.

"Okay," I agreed. Edward gave me a tight smile.

"I want to give you something." He said changing the subject. Edward dived underneath his bed and pulled out a leather bound book.

"What is that?"

"I've been working on this since we got back to school." He took a seat beside me. "This is yours."

I gave him a curious look. "Late Christmas present?" Edward shrugged and gestured for me to look inside. I opened the book and the first thing I saw was a picture of _us_. A smile tugged at my face. We both looked so happy. So unaffected by life and it's little tragedies. I looked brand new sitting next Edward. My cheeks warmed. "I really like this picture of us."

"Me too. You can take my smile with you wherever now."

I turned the page still glowing with the simple joy of seeing that picture. The next few pages were scribbled with ink. Eloquent words, catchy titles, and sketches.

"I've been inspired lately." Edward responded as he ran his spindly fingers over the page.

"It looks like you were."

He turned to a page filled with gold stars. A sea of gold stars.

"What is this?" I asked.

"How many days have you been sober?" Edward pointed to a single gold star. "Do you see all of these?" He turned numerous pages. "Each one of these stars represents a day, and together they represent all the days you've been sober. This is what you've done this semester. So take a long look because you're kind of amazing. "

My mouth dropped open as I looked down at the blur of gold in disbelief. Edward gave me the smile of a proud parent who just saw their baby walk for the first time. I hadn't realized it had been _that_ long since my last drink. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Edward rubbed my shoulders.

"I'm _so_ proud of you."

***

Thanks to spring break Cambridge Hall was deserted. I appreciated the quietness. I brushed my teeth and then splashed some warm water on my face. Edward handed me his towel. I wiped my face clean and then I grabbed his arm pushing him against the sink. I had purposely grabbed his razor and shaving cream because I missed him being clean-shaven.

"Let me shape you up boy." I said smirking. I thought about all the gold stars. That was probably one of the sweetest things he had ever done for me. I was the one overcoming an addiction, but yet he kept track of the days I had been sober. He wanted to make me feel victorious and he succeeded. I felt like at least there was one thing I was doing right.

Edward ran his hands over the blonde and brown hairs growing on his face. "I thought the caveman look turned you on?"

"It does. All you have to do is blink and that turns me on. But I want to see you clean-shaven before I get left in departures. I know it's ridiculous."

Edward bit his lip. "It's not ridiculous. It's cute. Let's do some sexy shaving. Cutie "

"I'm not cute."

"You're cute."

I turned on the faucet. Edward hopped up on the sink obediently. He still looked tired despite the good sleep he got last night. His hair was all over the place, and he kept messing with it. I smiled to myself because for some reason the thought of living together after college crept into my mind. I had no idea where it came from. I closed my eyes for a few seconds allowing the daydream to vanquish.

Edward looked back at me. I lost myself in his smoldering eyes. I flashed back to the moment we first kissed. He was high and I was still hiding from the obvious truth. But despite my best efforts I could only play hide and seek for so long. He found me and wrapped me up in his dangerously addictive love. If only I knew then how much his love would define me now. In such a potent, destructive, and releasing way. Everything about him was inescapable.

I worked the lather onto his face. He scooted closer to the edge of the sink just to get closer to me. I could already taste his kiss. His lips stinging my own. His tongue invading my mouth. The sadness underneath it all. Edward positioned his knee in between my legs, moving it around slowly, and pressing his tongue against his cheek. I drew in a shaky breath "Behave," I smiled. "You...sex addict."

Edward wrinkled his nose and then he circled his hands around my wrist before I could bring the razor to his face. He held my hand away as he came closer. Edward's lips crushed against mine like velvet. _Now I had shaving cream on my face_. He laughed boyishly as if he had forgotten about my _interrogation_ earlier. I ran the razor underneath a stream of warm water before I carefully started to shave his scruff.

***

The weather was refreshing and warm. The sky was a deep grey that carried with it the promise of an afternoon shower. Right along Cambridge Hall a row of Cherry Blossoms were in full bloom. Birds chirped musically in the trees and the wind was a soft hum floating through branches. Edward got on my motorcycle. I waited for him to wrap his arms around me, and then I sped off. The world swept by in a blur of color. I wanted to take an impromptu trip to Maine and keep him captive until spring break was over, but I was sure the Cullen's wouldn't approve of me _kidnapping_ their son.

Thirty minutes later we arrived at Jimmy Beans Pancake House. 80's music was playing on the sound system. I grinned as Edward mouthed the words to a song that I didn't recognize. When he caught me watching he sung aloud. We grabbed the same booth we sat at the first time I brought him here.

"Get whatever you want." I said to him. I tried to remember what he had ordered the first time we came here. "Blueberry pancakes and milk."  
"What?" Edward asked with a smile. "Is that what you want?"

"No. That's what _you_ ordered the first time we came here. I'm still testing my memory."

Edward gave me a commending nod. "I did order that didn't I?"

"Welcome to Jimmy Beans Pancake House. Our special today is buy one cheesecake get one free." The waitress informed with a sunny smile.

Edward's eyes widened. "A special on cheesecake. I like that."

She nodded. "And we have ten different flavors. My personal favorite is the pumpkin cheesecake, but the dolce and caramel is our top seller."

"You like cheesecake?" I asked him.

Edward nodded. "I think cheesecake is one of my favorite foods ever."

He sounded like a little boy on Christmas. I felt warm all over.

"Aww," The waitress said. She was looking down at Edward adorably. "Well if you guys need a few more minutes I can come back. But in the meantime I'll get your drinks started."

"He'll have Milk." I said for Edward.

"And he'll have Dr. Pepper." Edward spoke for me.

The waitress looked at us with an effervescent smile. "Are you guys together?"

"Like dating together?" Edward asked.

"Yes," The waitress said clutching her pad to her chest. "I know I'm out of line and it's none of my business."

"Yes. We're dating." I said my cheeks burning.

"I'm sorry it's just..._aww_. You guys are so cute. I wish my boyfriend would remember the things I liked." She bounced away her ponytail flipping behind her.

"I think we just found Bella's new best-friend." I said through laughter.

Edward chuckled along with me. He placed his balled first to his mouth and looked down at the menu. "The cheesecake special sounds really good." He flipped to the desserts. I reached under the table for his hand. Edward's fingers slipped perfectly inside mine. "Ten different kinds of cheesecake." He mused to himself. "That's a _lot_ of cheesecake."

I listened to him talk about cheesecake with this tingling feeling rattling all throughout my bones. For some reason I felt like I was observing him through new eyes today. I was wide-awake. And I saw him so clearly.

"What are you getting Jake?"

Oh yeah I hadn't decided on that yet. I took a few minutes to look over the menu. "I'm feeling like I could eat this table. So I'm going to go with the big papa meal. Steak and eggs baby."

Edward nodded as he continued to stare down at the cheesecake selection in thought. "I'm stuck between three."

"Which ones?" I asked.

"The white chocolate raspberry. Pumpkin spice. And the Oreo cheesecake." Edward's lips pulled into a grin.

"What's so funny Cullen?"

"I used to sneak cheesecake when I was a kid. If there was cheesecake in the house I would eat it all. My mom had to hide it from me in the basement freezer because she knew I wouldn't go down there." Edward laughed. "Alice used to call me the cheesecake thief."

My cheeks warmed. Now I had at least one image of a younger Edward. I saw him hiding underneath the sheets with a whole cheesecake in front of him going to town.

"I have to use the bathroom. I'll be back," Edward scooted out of the booth and walked towards the restrooms.

The waitress came back a few seconds later. "Oh. Did your boyfriend decide what he wanted?"  
"Yes. He wants to skip breakfast and go straight for dessert. Can I get a slice of the raspberry white chocolate, pumpkin spice, and Oreo cheesecake?"

"Of course." She said scribbling down Edward's order. "And for you?"

"The steak with eggs. Well done."

A few moments after the waitress bounced away Edward returned.

"I already ordered for you." I said. "I'm predicting that you'll have to take some home because it is possible even for you to OD on cheesecake."

"How much cheesecake did you order for me?"

"I got the three you were torn between. So that way you can make an informed decision on which one you like best for next time we come."

Edward smiled and rubbed his hands together. "Thanks Jake."

"Sure."

There was a moment of silence between us.

"What you asked me this morning wasn't that unreasonable." Edward said seemingly out of the blue. The look in his eyes told me that our conversation earlier had been on his mind the whole time.

"Maybe it was. My approach was all wrong." I shook my head.

"But your intentions were good." Edward said taking my hand again under the table.

There wasn't a need to hide anything anymore so I eased my hand out of his. I stretched out my arm on top of the table and our fingers melded in plain sight for everyone to see.

"I was just thinking about us all last night and I found myself wondering a lot about you. I mean I know you. I know you well. I just..." I shrugged.

Edward spoke up. "But I see your angle. I know that you almost drowned when you were a kid, which is why you hate swimming now. I know that you and Rebecca used to be really close before she went on a traveling binge around the world. And I know that when you were a kid you couldn't decide if you wanted to be a superhero or a power ranger when you grew up."

I smiled. "Yes you do know all that."

"The little things. They add up. I thought I was open with you. Completely open." Edward said. He frowned thoughtfully. "I never really thought about sharing all the little things that got me here today. All I know is that everything changed when we started living together."

"Where do you think you would be now if we never...fell in love."

Edward looked down. "I would be right where I started. I would hate College Park and I would be about as introverted as I was in high school. And I'm sure I would still be waiting for someone like you. Someone to wake me up, and make me feel alive."

"Is that why you never smiled in those pictures. Because you didn't feel alive?"

"Because..." Edward's eyebrows drew together and his lips thinned as if he was unable to voice the words. "It's difficult to talk about me. I just...I guess for some reason I was sad." His cheeks reddened. I could see that it was hard for him to just admit that.

Edward pulled his hand away. I swallowed as I looked down at my hands, fingers curled, where his had just been.

"I had no reason to be sad. I just was. And that's why I don't like to talk about it. Because I don't have a reason." He slouched back in the booth. "I like the way you see me. It makes me feel good. I like who I am with you."

I stood up. Edward looked at me in surprise.

"How many kisses does it take to make the sad go away?" I asked just before kissing his lips and then finally his nose. "Thanks again for the present you gave me this morning. It really put some things into perspective. Last semester I feel like I missed so much. But I'm becoming more aware. Edward I just need you to know that you can fall, fall from wherever your saddest place is and I'll catch you. My arms are ready. I'm ready. I promise I am."

"You sound like me." Edward said with a lingering look.

I smirked. "Well that isn't such a bad thing. I was damaged goods until you won me over with poetry, hair gel, and those unfathomably stirring green eyes." I draped my arm around him holding him close to me. I couldn't help but to feel happy and a little sad. Edward was so sacrificing. He took a backseat for me. His life, all the things that used to worry him, he let go of them so he could help me get my life together. Edward took care of me, he picked me up when I was falling, and he deserved someone that could do the same for him.

"What if's don't matter." Edward said sounding far away. "All that matters is that we're here." He smiled wistfully. "You're here ordering me cheesecake more cheesecake than I can eat. And that makes me happy."

"More happy thank kisses?" I asked.

"No your kisses _own_ cheesecake."

***

I parked the motorcycle in front of my house. Thank God Rachel and Brent found another excuse to get away. I hoped for my sanity that they stayed away for all of spring break. I took a second and looked at my house. I really looked at it. For the first time in a while I actually felt like I belonged here. I had been detached from this house since Brent moved in. But this was _my_ home. Not his.

"Jake!" Someone yelled behind me.

I turned around. _Seth_. Before I could raise my hand to greet him Seth Clearwater crashed into me, almost knocking me off my feet. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Where the hell have you been?" Seth asked breathlessly. The expression on his face was jovial despite the fact that I had been MIA. "Oh and hey Edward!" Seth extended his hand to shake my boyfriend's.

"Hey Seth." Edward said like he was greeting an old friend. "You cut your hair?"

"Yeah. I don't like it short either. Leah cut it because she said it was gross and greasy looking." Seth tilted his head towards Leah who was standing in the distance by the swings. When our eyes connected she turned around and started to walk back towards the Clearwater house.

I gulped. _Leah_. She had been on my mind all morning. I finally had the chance to talk to her but I didn't think I was ready. What could I possibly say? I could apologize for hurting her, but I couldn't apologize for loving Edward. I bit my lip as I watched Edward smiling back at Seth like he didn't have a problem in the world. _We were good liars_. That also made us perfect for each other.

Seth looked between Leah and me. "Paul owes me ten dollars. I knew that you and Leah were fighting. But he said that you weren't because Leah didn't try to make us take her side." Seth shrugged. "But whatever you guys will work it out and we can all go back to being a happy family. Hey Edward?"

"Yeah?" Edward answered distractedly.

"I got a new game on my X BOX. In it you kill a whole bunch of zombies. Want to play? I'll could show you the ropes if you need me too."

Seth was talking so much that Edward didn't even get a chance to answer his question. I could tell that Seth really liked Edward because of his non-stop monologue that was meant to be a two-way conversation. Edward was hanging onto every word though. He was a good listener. Better than me anyways.

"Hey kid." I said to Seth regretfully cutting him off.

"I'm going to be sixteen soon. I'm not a kid Jake. I'm a man. A big burly man."

"With two chest hairs? You need at least ten to be a man." I teased.

"Hey." Seth frowned and looked under his shit. "I have at least _five _chest hairs." Seth snickered. "Five out of ten high school girls agree that chest hair on a man is a turn on."

All three of us laughed. I looked between him and Edward.

"So um Seth, Leah hasn't said anything to you about _us_?"

"No." Seth said shaking his head. "Nothing at all. Ya'll must've gotten in a really bad fight because she hasn't said anything about you. So speaking of girls how is my ravishing Bella?"

"Ravishing?" Edward said amused. "I think Bella would gawk in horror if you said that to her face."

"Why?" Seth said confused. "She is _ravishing_. I want her to corrupt my world."

"Don't you think Bella Swan is a little too old for you?" I asked in an attempt to add to this conversation. My mind was still focused on Leah though and why she didn't say anything to Seth. It didn't make any sense.

"I'm going to be sixteen in June." Seth defended. "That'll make me two years younger than her. I think it's the perfect age gap. And besides what I lack in age I make up in size."

"Size...oh fuck." I groaned. "Kiddie porn alert."

"_Three _years. Bella is turning nineteen September 13th." Edward added.

Seth scowled. "Age ain't nothing but a number."

"Seth there's something that I need to tell you." I said unable to entertain this conversation anymore. I had to tell him now. Now or never. That was the way things worked with me. I felt Edward's eyes. His stare was soothing. A safe place in a world full of darkness, secrets, and lies.

"Okay? What's up?" Seth said slowly. "You sound so serious. You're not like transferring to another school in Bangkok or something. Because that would suck balls."

My cheeks reddened. That was an interesting scenario he concocted considering his choice of words. No Seth I'm not moving away to Bangkok. But I am sucking Edward's balls.

"Spit it out already. The anticipation is killing me. Look I'm getting hives from all the build up." Seth managed a small smile and showed his arm to Edward. "See Edward. Hives."

"I don't see anything." Edward said.

Seth 's cheeks reddened and he crossed his arms behind his back. "Seriously though. I'm no good with anticipation."

"Maybe we should go inside?" I said tilting my head towards the house.

"I can't." Seth remarked.

"Why not?"

He blushed, "Well 'cause I slit Brent's tires one night. He found out it was me. And he threatened to have me arrested if I ever stepped foot in the house again. Before you lecture me I did it because I hate the way he treats you. You're not his fucking kid so he has no right. I blame him for you being away all the time. Stupid Brent and his dumb cowboy boots."

My mouth dropped open. "You _slit_ his tires."

"Yeah," Seth said without blinking. "And I'd do it again. If he messes with you he messes with me."

Edward was smiling crookedly. "Rock on Seth."

"You little..._geniu_s." I clapped him on the back. While I usually wouldn't encourage delinquent activity with Seth I had to admit that his crime was for a good cause. I closed my eyes letting the laughter die off. I was going to try this again. "Seth, Leah and I we're done."

"Did you want me to leave?" Edward mouthed.

I nodded because I didn't want Seth to feel pressured into accepting us if he didn't.

"I'm going to go take a walk." Edward announced.

"X Box Edward." Seth said hopefully. "Remember?"

"Yeah Seth for sure."

Seth balled his fist and tapped it lightly against Edward's before he left.

I tilted my head to the side suggesting that Seth and I walk towards the swings where he had been with Leah earlier. Seth shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked beside me. I wondered if he had any idea at all about what I needed to say.

"I know what you're going to say Jake." Seth finally said answering my question.

"You do?" I wasn't expecting him to say that.

"It doesn't have to be a big deal." Seth swatted me on the arm. "I don't care. It's totally normal for a dude to be in love with another dude. There are too many people in the world for _everyone_ to be straight. It's just like saying that everyone has to like vanilla ice cream even though there are countless options to choose from. I like strawberry, and you like vanilla and chocolate. We like different flavors. So I'm indifferent. Ice cream. Sexual preference. It doesn't matter."

I bit my lip. "You don't care?" I said letting it sink in.

"One of my friends at school is gay. But she's a girl. I think it's cool that she is comfortable enough to be herself even though some people are ignorant haters. So no I don't care that Edward is gay. I still want to be his friend, because he is your friend and I like him a lot."

"Oh." I balled my fist. So he thought I was going to tell him that Edward was gay. That was only half true. Once we reached the swings I took a seat and touched the metal links. Time for attempt number two.

Seth looked down. "It's a relief though because he was my main competition for Isabella's affections."

I closed my eyes and laughed ruefully. "Are you really serious about this Bella thing? Because there is no way in hell Seth."

"Leave me with my dreams." He said turning his head away with a smile.

This would probably be easier if I said it all in one breath. I was going to rip off the band-aid quickly without pausing to think about all the pain it could leave behind. Just do it. Just do it. "I _love _him Seth. I'm in love with Edward."

The wind was eerily still all of a sudden. The clouds seemed grayer and my heart. It felt like it stopped. Seth wasn't looking at me. This could go two ways. The Bella way, which left me feeling a stronger bond to her for accepting me. Or the road to hell also known as the Leah and Rachel way. But this was Seth. The same kid who used to follow me around every where. The same kid who made me cupcakes for letting him hang out with me when he was younger.

He was Seth. He was _my_ Seth. Always the port in the storm. The reasonable kid who preferred acceptance to rejection. He would accept me. He had to. And if he didn't. _Fuck_. I was going to need extra time to heal from that rejection.

Seth tilted his head towards the sky. His eyes squinted. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't find any words. "I love him." I said again.

"You love him." Seth repeated slowly as if digesting the news.

"Yes. I _love_ him."

"When did you..." Seth bit his lip. "How long did you know?"

"I um...I knew it for a while but it took me some time to accept it." I stumbled over my words like a fool.

Seth finally looked at me. His expression was unreadable. That frustrated me. "Is that why you haven't been around?"

"Maybe?"

Seth swallowed. "I um..." He closed his eyes. "So you were running from Leah and not me."

There was a pleading in his voice, a very subtle quiver that needed his assumption to be the truth. "I was running from everything. I never thought I would end up with a dude but..." My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. "He took me by surprise."

"What did Leah say when you told her?" Seth stammered.

"She was upset. And she had every reason to be upset. I'm sure she still hates me."

"No she doesn't hate you." Seth said assuredly. "If she hated you she would've told everyone by now. But she didn't even tell me, and I'm her brother. She wants to protect you I think. Both you and her pride." Seth touched my arm. "Were you scared?"

"I'm scared now."

"Of me."

"Even though I've been MIA I still care about you a lot." I looked at him. "Your opinion matters to me. If you hate me...it's gonna hurt."

"Do you know how sad I was when you went away to college?" Seth said staring off into the woods. "I felt so lonely because it was like my best-friend and older brother just moved to Seattle and left me here. I was glad to spend whatever time I could with you when you came home. My point is that I just got you back and I'll always be your little brother until you say I'm not cool enough to have that title."

I closed my eyes and shook my head with a bitter smile.

"I'm going to have to get used to the idea of you and Edward. But I will get used to it. I will...just don't shut me out anymore okay. At least give me the chance to surprise you. I'm Seth. I'm not _Paul_. You don't have to be scared of me."

Warmness reflected in Seth's eyes. He clearly meant every word he just said. "So am I halfway out of the doggie house?" I asked my heart still fluttered anxiously.

"You're all the way out." Seth promised. "No more secrets though because next time I won't be so forgiving."

I watched Edward in the distance. He was walking in the woods looking like he was deep in thought.

"Leah might not be ready to talk to you for a while. But Jake, could you at least try to talk to her. If she starts screaming then run, but if she doesn't make her hear you. Even if she is a wicked girl she's still my sister and I don't want her to be in pain."

I nodded slowly. "I don't want that either."

"I'll go talk to Edward." Seth offered. "If he's dating you then I have even _more_ reason to get to know him." Seth patted my back and then walked across the field to Edward.

I took a deep breath and glanced over my shoulder at the Clearwater house in the distance. Never before had the quaint house looked so threatening. Seth was right. I needed to talk to Leah, because if I didn't then I would never have any peace. It was time to stop running away, because all running did was complicate everything.

A few moments later I walked through the kitchen. It felt like another lifetime ago since I had last been in here. I closed my eyes as I slowly started to lose courage. I couldn't just barge into Leah's house and expect her to _want _to talk to me. I turned around and quickly walked back to the door.

"Seth you better not have talked shit about me to Jake." Leah snipped. "_Oh_."

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to face her. "Um...hey."

Leah lingered in the entryway to the kitchen, her mouth was open and her arms were crossed over her chest. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I um..." I cussed under my breath. "I saw you and..." I bit my lip. "I thought we should talk. But if you're not ready I'll understand. I can leave."

Leah raised her chin. "That's a good idea."

I nodded slowly. I placed my hand on the door and then I dropped it down to my side. If I left without saying anything I would regret it later. "I'm already here. I can't just leave Leah." My heart beat rapidly against my chest as I struggled for the right words. She was still in the hallway looking like she wanted to shoot me with a rifle. "I know you don't want to talk to me but Leah I understand why you hate me. I should've told you sooner about me and Edward but I didn't know how..." I shook my head and looked down. "You weren't happy with me even before Edward came around. You know that."

Leah stared straight through me. "Oh so does that justify everything?"

"I had turned into a responsibility for you. I was your..." I lowered my voice. "I turned into your mom. You were waiting for something bad to happen because I couldn't get my shit together. Somewhere deep down you know that your love had changed and that you stayed with me because...because you cared and you didn't want to lose me."

Leah looked away. "Don't tell me what I _felt_ Jacob Black."

"Then what do you feel. You can yell at me. You can hit me. You can do whatever you need to do. But I can't pretend that I don't care. I tried not to care. But I do. I can fuck up my life. But Leah I don't want to fuck up yours. I care about you. And I know you don't think I do but I fucking care. And I'll understand if you don't ever want to see my face again. I can live with that. But I need you to know that this isn't your fault. Things changed for me."

"And it just so happened that I was the last to know."

"I wasn't good enough for _you_."

Leah looked down. "We're not okay and I can't even be your friend. At least not now. I'm not ready for that. I can't. No. I just can't." She looked back at me. Her dark hair fell in her eyes. "Loving you was hard. It was hard as hell. Because you're constantly pushing people away. You convince yourself that you're bad, and when you do that you run away. And it's impossible to get you back sometimes. But I always went after you. I did it. And it was tiring." Leah squeezed her eyes shut. "I was trying to keep you alive...and right before Edward I was sure I lost you."

She placed her hands to her mouth and started to shake. "I didn't want to lose you and in the end the thing that kept you alive, ended up taking you away regardless." Leah took a few seconds to compose herself. "I was blind sighted. I didn't expect you to tell me what you did. And that's why I got so upset. And I'm _still _upset. But overtime I realized that hating you was eating me alive. No matter how much I wanted to hate you. I couldn't. Because that part of me that still loves you stubbornly knows that you're right. You set me free because I couldn't kill myself over you anymore."

My eyebrows furrowed and I listened with gut wrenching awareness.

"I don't want to know about your relationship with Edward. Because I don't want to have anything to do with him." Leah swallowed.

"Leah, none of this is Edward's fault either."

"I _hate_ him." She took a few seconds and then she turned her back to me. Her dark hair, which she had cut to her shoulders hung in soft curls. "Do you know how hard I had to work to be able to just look at you. I hated you first for making me feel so low. But hating you made me feel emptier than ever so I put all my hate into Edward Cullen. I wanted horrible things to happen to him. I became obsessed with it. I wanted him to hurt like he hurt me. But then I realized."

Leah looked down. Her back was still facing me. "No matter how vile I think he is. He's the reason you're alive and for that I'm thankful." She looked over her shoulders at me. Her bangs fell in her eyes. "This isn't just your world. Life is happening around you. People care. Stop pushing them away. Stop pushing Seth away. He loves you. He loves you so much. That's why I didn't tell him you were gay. Not because he would hate you for that. But because it would make him sad to know that you'd rather stay away than confide in him."

Leah bit her lip. "I don't hate you. I don't even think I hate Edward anymore. But I still need an outlet to put this sadness. You should go now. Because I think we've said everything we needed to." She nodded slowly and then her dark eyes looked away. She was but a shadow with her back turned. The weight of the world seemed to be on her shoulders.

"Bye Leah," I whispered.

***

A few moments later I found Edward in the barn. Seth was talking to him about Rachel's horses.

"The big brown one is mean. He likes to kick." Seth said.

Edward smiled as he listened. He looked at me. The expression on his face was anxious as if he was ready to catch me if I fell. "I take it he's kicked you a few times?"

"No not me. Just Paul." Seth bit his lip to hide his smile. He watched as I approached. "Well it was nice seeing you again Edward. I could bring my X Box over here, if you're still up for killing zombies."

I placed my hand on his head. "Thanks for everything kid."

"Sure _kid_." Seth returned. He waved at Edward and then walked away with his head bent back to the Clearwater house.

"Did you talk to Leah?" Edward asked leaning against the stables.

"I did." I wrinkled my nose. "It went...it could've gone worse."

"What happened?" Edward asked.

"Actually Edward I'd rather talk about that later. There's something I want to show you." I said wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

I led Edward towards the woods. I took him past the clearing where I burned the fear box and my dad's sweater, past the bridge where I almost drowned, and through an army of twisted trees sprouting with tiny buds of yellow and pink. The path was longer than I remembered. But finally we reached it. The air was impossibly crisp out here. It felt like we had just stepped into another world. The extensive field was a vibrant green and wild flowers dotted the landscape. Cherry Blossoms bloomed all around.

I let go of Edward's hand and I started to run. I just needed to set myself free. Throw myself to the wind. Lose myself for just one second and then come back down to earth.

"Where are you going?" Edward called.

"What are you waiting for? Catch up!" I yelled. I closed my eyes and spread out my arms like I was flying. I weaved in and out of the clouds. I balled my fists. My legs burned like fire was licking at my skin. I did a sudden turn to the right catching the air. Edward ran past me. I opened my eyes and I saw him, his shirt flying behind him as he ran into the sea of green, gold, and purple. This was what it felt like to be alive. _To embrace life_. I laughed out loud and sprinted down the hill after him. All the colors rushed past my eyes in a blur.

"Are you trying to race me Cullen?" He had some distance on me so I bowed my head and I picked up the pace. The wind circled around me. Once I was close enough to touch him I launched my body forward. I wrapped my arms tightly around him. Edward let out a yelp of surprise and together we went falling. His fingers gripped onto my shirt as we went down. He hit the ground first and I fell on top of him. Cherry blossoms danced in the breeze twisting and turning in the air like a million pink and white butterflies.

I filled my lungs with the fresh air. Out here all my problems felt so miniscule. Edward placed his hands on my shoulders. I bit my lip. Flecks of gold swam in his eyes. Edward wrapped his legs around my waist and with a boyish giggle he flipped me over him. Once he had me on my back he kissed me savagely. His knuckles were cool against my skin. Petals fell around him, more pink and white butterflies trying to swim in this lea of green. Edward moaned into my mouth. His eyelashes brushed like feathers against my cheek. Edward tilted his head up to the sky like he was waiting to fly.

I touched his face bringing him back down to me. I could only let him fly for so long. Strands of tawny hair danced in his eyes and found a beat with the wind. I pulled a petal from his hair, and then I came up so I could steal a kiss. Bringing my shoulders up, and cocking my head to the side. He kissed me like our whole world revolved around this one moment. I massaged my tongue against his. Edward opened his mouth wider giving me the complete access I craved. I sucked his bottom lip hungrily into mine. My hands knew no boundaries as they explored his body like a canvas. I caressed the muscles in his back, and then slipped my hands in his jeans. I grabbed his ass firmly in my hands. The scent of honeysuckle was ripe in the air.

Sweet. Tantalizing. Need. I was hungry for it. I was hungry for him. I grinded my waist up towards his. My fingers entwined in his hair. His skin made my mouth water as I kissed every accessible inch.

I wanted the power back. I rolled Edward over me. There was a song playing in my head. It was slow at first and then it started to pick up. The melody was wind, rain, and chimes. A storm was coming. I pulled him up holding his head to my chest. I made him raise his arms so I could pull off his shirt. Edward allowed me to have my way. After the shirt was off he folded his arms around my shoulders. His fingertips were light against my back. I could smell his cologne soft and clean. As I stared into his eyes I started to loosen my belt.

"Jake..."

"It's okay. I have lube." I whispered in his ear. I gripped tightly onto his shoulder preventing him from escaping and flicked my tongue in his ear. That made him shiver. I caressed my cheek against his and closed my eyes. Just take me away Edward.

"What?" He murmured against my cheek.

I sloppily kissed him again as I tried to ease him into this. I held his face tightly to mine.

"You planned this?" He asked

"Not necessarily." I whispered as I kissed his earlobe. "I just put the lube in my pocket before we left College Park 'cause I didn't have any at home.

"Uh huh." He said with a disbelieving nod.

I cupped his chin and kissed him softer this time. I opened my eyes so I could watch him. Edward's eyebrows were furrowed He was fumbling with my belt, and now he was touching me. I felt like puddy in his hands. Stretching and twisting whichever way he wanted me. I dug my nails into his back and traveled up to his neck. His breaths were warm and minty against my tingling lips. Fiery explosions ricocheted through my body.

He tightened his fingers around my erection. I leaned into him as my body reacted to the steady rhythm of his hands. Blood pounded in my ears. I was already lost in the frenzy. There was no turning back now. Edward kept his hand on my cock as he arched his back and sucked tempestuously on my neck. A fat raindrop landed squarely on my shoulder. It was going to start raining soon. Fuck the rain. I knotted his hair in my fist. His lips traveled back up to my own leaving a scalding path of heat and unbridled desire.

His hands explored my face and my chest. I grabbed his hand and held it to my heart. Leah crept into the back of my head. No I didn't want to think about her now. _No_. I attempted once more to push her out of my thoughts but I saw her dancing. The field was ripe with summer and she was dancing in the green and gold while I watched. I felt a dizzying array of emotions stir inside me at a maddening pace.

_You just forgot about me. You moved on and left me behind_. I heard her voice say.

Edward took the lube from my hands. I felt the pleasurable coolness and then his hand moving up and down. I sucked in a ragged breath wanting to forget about everything. But I couldn't. I still felt guilty because I _had_ replaced Leah without even realizing it. I took Edward to the places that I used to take her. I kicked her out of my heart and I filled every available space with Edward.

The wind shifted and a few cherry blossom petals landed in the swaying grass blades. Edward sucked on my neck. His fingers entwined tightly in mine as if he never wanted to let me go. I pulled from his embrace and looked at him. His eyes were still closed. Love shouldn't be so easily replaceable. I closed my eyes before he could see the world of guilt in mine. I was a horrible person that didn't deserve this.

I felt the wind sweep across my skin. It was a little colder now. Goosebumps sprouted on my arms. Edward's chest rose up and down against mine. Our hearts beat together. He started taking off my clothes. His hands pressed down on my shoulders. The sky was getting darker. Threatening. But Edward's kisses chased the fear away. The guilt.

_You convince yourself that you're bad_. Leah said.

I didn't want to think about her anymore. I just wanted Edward to fuck me. I wanted him to ride me into oblivion so I could stop thinking about it. I didn't want to hear her voice anymore or see her eyes. Because I was better. I felt happier. I felt lifted, but I left her a wreck, and why should I get happiness when I left her like that.

Edward numbed me like Novocain as his lips touched my skin. He was sucking away the pain, all the angst that hadn't been there this morning. The green grass swayed and more blossoms danced in the air like colorful ashes. I rubbed my nose against his. There was something tragic in the air. It was a static charge that filled this beautiful field. The darkness behind the sea of pretty colors. The taste of precipitation that mixed with Edward's kisses.

I breathed desperately into his mouth as I tried to chase away my thoughts again. My hands traveled up and down his body. Cupping his chin, grabbing his arms, and wrapping my hand tightly around his dick. His body shook. I kissed his collarbone. My tongue flicked against his flesh. I would never leave him. Never ever. He was everything. He was all I wanted. All I ever wanted. I felt another raindrop on my head. Edward placed his hand on my chest and pushed me back into the swinging blades of grass.

I felt free this morning. I felt like I could actually focus on something else besides me. I ran my hands through his tawny hair. Getting lost in the way it slipped so easily like silk through my fingertips. His tongue leisurely explored around my nipple. He bit down and sucked on it. I wanted to run away with him. I wanted to run so fucking far away. Somewhere where I could be his rock and all the strength he needed.

I crushed my nose against his cheek. He touched my erection again and put some more lube on me. My cock tensed as I felt his fingers at first and then the tight warmness of being inside him. I thought I heard thunder rumbling. The rain was getting closer. The clouds rolled, he looked so pale in this grey haze. Edward's hair blew in the wind as his lips twisted in pleasure. Cherry blossoms darted around his body.

He was looking down at me now. I stopped thinking about _everything_. His eyes were steady. I was all the way inside of him. My hands gripped his waist holding him down to me. Edward leaned forward with his head bent. His legs tightened around my chest as his Converse's dug into the grass. He rotated his hips slowly. I swallowed and my eyes rolled back in my head. I heard thunder again. Fingers touched my face. His kiss felt like livewire coursing through me. I swiveled my hips up towards his and then finally I let go.

Our skin slapped together with the most pleasing sound and friction. I breathed heavily, my body warming all over. I rested my hand against his cheek. I went faster. Driving myself in and out. He bent over giving me better access. I wrapped my arms around his neck. His skin flushed a darker shade of scarlet.

_Fuck_.

He leaned down to kiss me. The cold air suddenly felt warmer. His soft eyelashes caressed my cheek. His lips were as soft as the pink petals in his air. I wrapped him up in my arms holding him so tightly. He was the one going faster now. His skin pounded against mine. Blades of grass tickled my cheek. I threw my head back and opened my eyes. The trees were swaying with more force. The branches were dancing, and more cherry blossoms were sweeping across the field.

Edward pulled me up by the shoulders from the ground. He was still sitting on me, but now our faces were level. He wrapped an arm loosely around my neck. My chest rose up and down, pushing up against his. He was slick with sweat. I bowed my head burying my face in his chest. I touched him. I rolled his balls around my fingers wanting to suck him off, but this position wouldn't allow that. He grabbed my hair and tilted my head back. He said he loved me in my ear and then he bit down on my neck like a vampire. But the pain. It was the best kind of pain I ever experienced. I held his head in place.

He nearly lost his balance but his other hand fell flat on the grass next to his Converse's. My legs were starting to burn, but I kept up with our rhythm. I held him to me tightly. I fell out of him. He was so fucking loose. I closed my eyes and then slipped back inside. I practiced the same routine a few times and then I braced my hands against his wrist as I drilled him harder. A wet raindrop landed on my nose. I grew rigid. The liquid heat pulsed through me. Soft and passionately he kissed me. His body shuddered with mine. I heard him grunt feverishly. He pressed his forehead against me. And then he came shooting upwards. His cum landed on my lips and on my face.

My body gave into the same passionate quakes. _Uggh_. I shivered. My back was ice cold with sweat and every hair on my arm was sticking up with static electricity. I saw stars. Burning stars blackening out everything as I came. I dug my hands into his flesh keeping him down to me as I erupted inside him. He moved his hips around driving me more insane.

Edward rolled off of me. I breathed in and out slowly as I studied him naked in the grass, with nothing on but his shoes. He closed his eyes. He was smiling. I reached out across the space in between us and I touched his hand. Edward opened his palm and linked his fingers in mine.

A song swept through the trees. It was soft. A few more raindrops fell from the sky. I opened my mouth. A raindrop landed like morning dew on my tongue. It was going to pour down any second. It would probably be best if we headed back _now_. But Edward looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to disturb him.

I rested my hand against my cheek as I sat up to watch him. He traced his index finger in circles against my skin. I brought his hand to my lips and I kissed it three times, just before laying back down. I closed my eyes and felt the wind. It was chilling and comforting all the same. More raindrops pitter pattered against my skin. The sky got darker, the clouds moved with more threatening pace. And then the sky opened and a sea of spring rain fell down on us.

"_Woah_!" Edward yelled.

I laughed and pulled him up. I could barely make out his smile through the torrent of rain. He dragged me towards the woods, but I had to stop him.

"Our clothes!" I exclaimed.

"Right!" He looked around wildly.

I eased my hand out of his. My sneakers slipped on the grass. I fell onto my knees laughing as I grabbed up our clothes. Edward circled his arm in mine. Once I had everything in my arms we started to run. The rain was coming down so heavy that puddles were already starting to form. He ran ahead of me. I caught up to him and playfully wrapped my arms around his waist. I dropped his shirt. I had to go back for it. Edward stopped and waited for me. His hair was dark now and falling in his eyes.

When I caught up to him Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. His lips were wet and succulent as he kissed me. Our wet bodies pressed together. He threw his arms around me and together we fell back into a tree. The bark was rough. But I didn't care as I let him kiss away all the pain. He took away my pain with kisses as soft as an angel's wings. Over spring break I was going to change. I was really going to change. I ran my hands through his wet hair.

I was going to make Edward Cullen see that he could lean on me. Because I was awake. I was aware. The world wasn't black and white. I still had some issues I had to deal with, but I was waking up from tragedy, and we were standing in a field of ashes hand in hand. The world had already burned down and it was just us. He was my world and I was finally ready to start over for him.

As the rain pounded down around our naked bodies he leaned away and looked into my eyes. Edward traced his thumb across my lip. And then he smiled. Everything was _okay._


	24. Maternity Leave

**AN**: Am I back sooner than you guys expected? I hope so. With the hiatuses I've been taking lately, I felt like I owed it to you guys to push out this update sooner because I had the time to sit down and write with no distractions. After all you guys totally deserve it, especially the reviewers I have to say that it is rewarding to get questions, and even the people that drop in to tell me how much you like this story. It means everything. I know that this chapter will answer a few of the questions that I have been tossing around since Chapter 3 of this story. The answers may surprise some, but I have a feeling that some of you will have known all along. Strap in because I'm planning for these next few chapters to BLOW your mind, because if they don't I have failed lol. Something's coming...but anyways I'll leave you to the chapter. Thanks again guys for sticking with this. Only 3-5 chapters to go. You guys rock. Also I was just curious to know who is your favorite character from The Sweetest Addiction so I had fun and made a **poll**. Indulge me and vote? –Maddie

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all. I just own this plot. Joga belongs to Bjork, and Blindsided belongs to Bon Iver.

_The end of a blood line... the moon is a cold light_

_There's a pull to the flow_

_My feet melt the snow_

_For the irony, I'd rather know_

_'Cause blinded I was blindsided – Bon Iver, Blindsided _

* * *

Chapter 24- Maternity Leave

**Esme's POV**

**Junior Year, University of Georgia**

_"Esme what on earth are you doing?" Elizabeth Masen asked closing the psychology textbook in Esme's lap. "I thought you agreed to go to a party with me. I will not let you cancel again. The night is young and so are we so put on something sexy. I'm kidnapping you." Elizabeth raised her hands over her head and twirled around dreamily. "By the way do you think this skirt is too short? Because I don't think it's short enough." She struck a theatric pose._

_ Esme chewed on the edge of her pencil. "Liz can we reschedule? I have a lot of work that I need to get done by tomorrow."_

_ "Reschedule?" Elizabeth scoffed. "You're always rescheduling on me. Esme psychology research projects aren't going anywhere but life is happening all around you. Let's go to the party. Have a few drinks and then come back here for pizza and if you insist homework."_

_ "Um." Esme said tilting her head to the side. She was still tempted to say no, but it was hard to turn down Elizabeth. She was a force to be reckoned with. Elizabeth had a kind soul. She cared deeply for others, but as much as she cared she liked to balance that out with fun. Esme preferred quiet nights in, candles, books, and movies, while Elizabeth had a constant itch to get out. _

_ She liked partying, loud music, and drinking, but yet she still managed to get on the Dean's List every semester. She was one of those students that passed without opening a book. Esme never considered herself to be naturally smart. Every A she received she had to work like hell for. Esme envied that naturally smart quality in Elizabeth and her fiancé Carlisle Cullen._

_ Her heart fluttered foolishly at the thought of Carlisle, her high school sweetheart, who was studying a good hour and a half away at Emory University. The distance had been hard to deal with in the beginning, but Carlisle had spoiled her with random visits throughout the years. The hope of a surprise visit kept her from missing him too much._

_ "Earth to Esme Platt." Elizabeth whistled. "Or excuse me." Elizabeth did a cordial courtesy. "The future Mrs. Esme Cullen. Essy! God. This is college. Your third year. We're almost at the end. You and Carlisle will soon enough have your white picket fence, and perfect Ken and Barbie family, so why not live a little today. One party won't kill you."_

_ "Elizabeth not all of us can party from dawn to dusk and still maintain 3.5 GPA."_

_ Elizabeth bit her lip. She twirled a strand of her blonde hair around her pinkie. Esme could see the wheels in her head turning. "I'll do your paper for you."_

_ "No."_

_ "Psychology is my thing. I used to read psychology books for fun. What's the topic? Nature vs. Nurture, the sociopathic mind, sex..." Elizabeth giggled mischievously. "Every story I write is a psychology study just brewing in my head. I'll get you an A so just say yes."_

_ Elizabeth went to the radio and turned it on. Michael Jackson was playing. She swung her arms around and kicked out her legs as she danced, her blonde hair fell around her shoulders and face. _

_ This was a fight Esme knew that she couldn't win tonight. "One hour."_

_ "Yay!" Elizabeth squeed._

_ "I'm not drinking though."_

_ "What?" Elizabeth asked as if she didn't hear._

_ "I'm not drinking." Esme repeated assertively. _

_ Elizabeth huffed. "Okay I guess I'll take my victories where I can get them." She went over to her dresser. "So what are you wearing to the party doll? A skirt? Some leg warmers. Oh. How about the AC/DC top I just brought? You know the one that shows a little skin. Shoulder mileage can get you far."_

_ Esme's cheeks warmed. She was not wearing anything that hung off her shoulders. "I have a fiancé." Esme reminded._

_ Elizabeth stared back at her with a blank expression. "Yes. So? Unless that fiancé is God then there is no need to act like a Nun. Lift up that skirt girl and show some leg!"_

_ Esme had to shake her head and laugh. Maybe going out wasn't such a bad idea. She felt like a zombie. The last six hours had been spent in the dorm reading over tiny print and trying to force a thesis together. Elizabeth handed her a skirt, some heels and a white tee shirt. _

_ "I think you should wear your hair up?" Elizabeth mused as she pulled Esme's hair up into a high ponytail. "I think that would look cute? And I have some earrings that would look double sexy with a side of mustard on you."_

_ Esme waved her away. "An hour Elizabeth. No more than an hour. Even you can't persuade me into staying longer."_

_ "I got it. An hour." Elizabeth winked. "An hour and some change."_

_ ***_

_ The party was a dizzying glow of neon lights, cigarette smoke, and glitter. Elizabeth led Esme through the crowd of college students with her arm wrapped protectively around her. When drunken guys tried to hit on Esme, Elizabeth told them to keep walking. Now they were listening to __Love is a Battlefield__. Elizabeth danced mostly by herself while Esme swayed behind her like a wallflower. _

_ The lights bounced off Elizabeth's face. Highlighting her pale blue eyes, dark mascara and fire engine red lipstick. Swathes of gold caught her wild blonde hair as she danced on the floor, twirling her arms high above her head, and losing her body to the rhythm. Everyone seemed to stop and watch Elizabeth as if her free spirit was blinding and magnetic. Sucking people mercilessly into her light._

_ Esme watched her. The glitter falling from the ceiling was really starting to annoy her. She looked up wondering where the hell it was coming from. Some drunken girl on a ladder with a fan and a bucket was producing the shoddy effect. A few guys had gathered around Elizabeth and they seemed to be in a competition for her attention. She threw her head back and laughed. _

_ Esme flashed back to their first conversation. _

_ "I was so pissed when my parents sent me to Georgia." Elizabeth frowned. "I didn't want to fucking be here. They sent me here because they like control, that and they didn't approve of my boyfriend. He was a real badass. But he loved me. Vic just had a crazy way of showing it. He was dangerous and I was in love with him. You don't know how thrilling it is to be in love with someone so potentially bad for you. But you'll never know because Carlisle is about as dangerous as a bottle of Ranch dressing."_

_ Esme crossed her arms to her chest as she continued to lose herself in memories. Being in an environment like this made her feel rigid, and she didn't like that. The party dragged on and she remained against the wall watching as everyone lost themselves in the music. As soon as the hour time frame was up she searched the crowd for Elizabeth. Bodies swayed around her. Someone sloshed beer onto her shoulder. Esme kept walking. She saw Elizabeth in a dark corner making out with a guy she had never seen before._

_ Esme balled her fists. She didn't want to get in the middle of that. The guy was running his hands through Elizabeth's hair, and her leg was wrapped tightly around his waist. His hand dipped in between her legs. Esme bit her lip. She didn't feel like being called a prude tonight, but she did feel responsible for making sure that Elizabeth got home safely._

_ Her legs felt like wet noodles as she crossed the glitter-strewn floor towards her best friend. Esme stood there like a scarecrow for what felt like forever until the guy with the earrings, jet-black hair, and smirk tore his lips away from Elizabeth's. _

_ He gestured towards Esme. "Are you trying to get in on this princess? Two pussies for the price of one."_

_ Esme frowned in disgust._

_ "Jeb leave her alone." Elizabeth said hitting him in the chest. "She's not that kind of girl. Tell him honey."_

_ "My name is Steve." He corrected._

_ "Steve...Jeb...it really doesn't matter what your name is. You know that." Elizabeth licked his lips and then kissed him softly. _

_ Esme could tell that she already had a few drinks. _

_ "Esme is like the Virgin Mary. Her super uppity Christian parents would never approve of people like us."_

_ "Elizabeth." Esme said sternly. That's not fair. She screamed in the back of her head. But she chose to keep her complaint to herself. "I'm about to head home."_

_ Elizabeth frowned. "Already babes?"_

_ "I said an hour. Are you coming with me?"_

_ Steve buried his head in Elizabeth's chest. "We just started having fun Liz."_

_ Esme avoided looking at him. Elizabeth's expression creased with difficulty. _

_ "I'm not ready to leave yet."_

_ "Are you sure about this?" Esme said looking down at Steve. _

_ "Yes. But I can't let you walk home by yourself." Elizabeth reached for a fistful of Steve's hair and pulled his head back. His abnormally long tongue crept out of his mouth like a snake and he tried to lick her breasts. "Can you wait for five minutes? I'll walk home with you."_

_ "I can't wait."_

_ Steve snickered. "Jesus is calling."_

_ Elizabeth hit him. "Only I can tease her. You shut the fuck up."  
Esme scowled. "Bye."_

_ "Essy!" Elizabeth called. _

_ "Yes?" Esme whirled around._

_ "I'll be right behind you I swear."_

_ Steve dipped his hands underneath Elizabeth's skirt again. She tilted her head back and moaned in pleasure. _

_ It was time to go. Esme turned around and walked through the crowd. More beer was being hurled around, and glitter was still falling from the drunken girl slumped haphazardly over the ladder with a Cheshire cat grin. Esme pulled her hair down from the high ponytail as she made her way through the endless row of white lights back to her apartment._

_ Fifteen minutes later she was safely inside. Esme took off her shoes and tossed them in the closet. The pleasant aroma of sausage and mushroom pizza lingered in the air. Her stomach twisted ravenously with hunger, and her heart beat wildly at the thought of him being there. _

_ Esme ran into the kitchen like a wild woman. She saw the pizza on the table but there wasn't a trace of him. Esme checked her room next. There she found him sitting on the bed. The white walls were speckled with light and shadows. Freesia and lavender was in the air, and a vase of blue hydrangeas was on her press. Carlisle smiled. His pale blonde hair was shaggy and hung in his eyes, and his pale skin was a few shades darker._

_ "Carlisle!" _

_ "Hey," He said softly._

_ Her feet literally floated off the floor as she propelled herself into his arms. His body was warm, and the feeling of his soft kisses against her cheek instantly gave her a feeling of peace. Esme tightened her fingers in his hair, holding his lips to her neck. _

_ "Did you miss me?" He whispered in her ear._

_ "You brought pizza. And clearly I missed you. Did you hear the mad dash to my room. Like a storm of elephants on a grassy plain."_

_ Carlisle smiled and tilted his head to the side. The soothing calm he carried with him everywhere was effortless. Esme couldn't recall a time when she had seen him lose his trademark cool. He was always at ease. _

_ "You got a tan." Esme laughed as she absently played with his hair. "I hope your behaving yourself at Emory."_

_ "I am. And if you don't believe me you can do a surprise sneak attack. You know the ones you're so famous for."_

_ "I do not do sneak attacks."_

_ "Sneak, sneak, sneak." Carlisle kissed her tenderly on the cheek. "But it's okay I know you get it from your mom. That woman should be working for the secret service with her skills."_

_ Esme wrinkled her nose and gently squeezed Carlisle's arm. "You smell like beach. Did you stop there before coming here?" Esme bit her lip and grinned. "With some hot blonde."_

_ "And you smell like beer."_

_ "Oh," Esme looked down. _

_ Carlisle's fingers danced through her hair, he pulled back to examine the glitter sparkling on his skin. "Do I want to know?"_

_ "Elizabeth."_

_ Carlisle nodded. "America's favorite wild child finally succeeds in her plot to get you out of the dorm. Next step world domination."_

_ Esme laughed._

_. "Is it okay if I stay the night?" Carlisle changed the subject. _

_ "What do you mean is it okay? If you tried to leave tonight I would tie a whip around you waist and drag you back here." Esme lowered her voice. "Against your will cute surfer boy."_

_ "You can't call me a surfer boy just yet. Every wave knocks me out. It does nothing for my bad boy image." Carlisle clicked his tongue jokingly. "Besides Emory isn't close enough to the beach to be going there that often." _

_ Esme's hand trembled as she placed it underneath Carlisle's chin. His light eyes fixed on her. A moment of silence swept through the room. Esme let go of his face and then slowly wrapped her arms around his chest. "Let's have pizza later."_

_ "Then what are we doing now?" He asked kissing her nose._

_ "I think...but I'm not 100 % sure." Esme smiled sweetly even though her intentions were nothing of the sort. "You're doing me and I'm doing you Doctor Cullen."_

***

**Present Day, Savannah, Georgia**

"It has been a pleasure to teach all of you this year. I am deeply saddened that this is my last day because I wanted to hang in there until the end. I have faith that all of you will continue to succeed in this class. After all you have just one more month and a few days left until graduation. Make me proud because even if I'm not here, I will still be constantly checking up on you guys to make sure that you're doing your work." Esme smiled even though a part of her felt like crying for days. She was going to miss teaching but she had to give it up for a while because of the changes in her family.

Her heart ached so painfully.

"Mrs. Cullen." Adrian Peters said raising her hand.

"Yes Adrian?"

"This isn't much but we got together a goodbye present for you."

"What? Adrian. _Class_ you didn't have..."

"I've never had a teacher spend so much extra time helping me with a paper and getting my ideas together. You're so patient and we wish that we could keep you forever, but we understand that you have a baby coming. So we wanted to give you this." Adrian stood up and placed down a white envelope. "It's just a card with well wishes and thank yous, and inside the card is a spa getaway."

"_Class_," Esme repeated completely flabbergasted. She placed her hand to her heart. "You really didn't..." She paused and adjusted her position. Her baby was a kicker. He or she clearly loved attention. Esme smiled and rubbed her protruding stomach. "Thank you so much for this. It means a lot to me."

The bell rung.

Esme tried her best to hold back the tears. She saw so much potential in this class. Future teachers, writers, kids that would eventually change the world. And in some of these kids she saw her own. Esme could only hope that all their dreams, everything these kids wished for would come true. A few students gave her hugs on the way out.

She smiled after them and waved. A single tear fell down her cheek. The door closed. Esme looked up startled. Her husband was leaning against the door with a comforting smile on his face. "You scared me."

"Sorry." Carlisle said. He walked across the floor, his dark brown dress shoes slapping against the tile as he took a seat in the front desk. Carlisle placed an apple on the table. "I hope I'm still in time for the lesson. Good attendance was always a weakness of mine in high school."

"Is that apple for me?"

"Yes Mrs. Cullen it is."

"Good." Esme walked around the desk and scooped up the apple. She took a satisfying bite. Juice squirted onto Carlisle. "Oh no." she apologized through laughter.

Carlisle chuckled as he wiped at his face. "The wife and baby are hungry. Run for the hills."

"I didn't eat this morning." Esme confessed.

Carlisle's eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Esme?"

"I _know_." She said shaking her head. "It's just I've been thinking a lot about Edward, and making myself sick over this. I don't think I'm ready Carlisle." Her hands shook.

Carlisle gently took the apple from her quivering hands. "I don't think we'll ever be ready for this. But we can't put this off anymore."

"I don't think I can deal with our son hating us." Esme gripped on tightly to Carlisle's shirt. She felt dizzy and disoriented. "I can't Carlisle. I _can't_."

Carlisle scooped her hands in his and held her close. He wrapped her up tightly in his arms. "The problem here is that there will never be a good time. _Never_. But at the end of the day nothing changes. Nothing except Edward will know the truth."

"And that changes everything." Esme filled in.

"I got us reservations at your favorite restaurant. You have to eat love." Carlisle buried his face in her hair that smelled fresh of coconuts and flowers. "We'll take it one step at a time. Okay."

Esme sucked in a deep breath. She couldn't even will herself to nod.

"Alice called last night and she had a proposition."

Esme's eyebrows furrowed. "A proposition?" It unnerved her now how cool Carlisle looked about this. She was a mess. A tidal wave of storms and violent lightening was rippling under her skin, but he, aside from a few forehead creases, was so calm.

"She suggested that Bella and Jacob spend spring break down here."

"No." Esme said with wide eyes. "They can't."

Carlisle looked down.

"This is hard enough as it is. Edward is going to be so confused and..."

"_Esme_, which is why he should have his friends there." Carlisle's cheeks flushed with a tinge of red. "Alice suggested that Jake and Bella could help us get the house together for our move, and I said yes."

Esme sniffled.

"Edward is in a better place than he used to be." Carlisle said still looking down. "He's changed. He's so much happier than he used to be. And we have Jacob to thank for that. I know when we tell Edward...he might not want to speak to us..."

Esme turned away from Carlisle.

"So he's going to need all the support he can get."

"Carlisle are you scared?" Esme questioned.

"Esme you already know the answer to that. I'm falling apart on the inside but I'm struggling to keep it together for you. I have too. I have to keep it together for all of us or everything falls apart." Carlisle sucked in a breath. "The kids will be arriving soon so we should get to the restaurant."

Esme squeezed her eyes shut as the baby kicked again. "What about Aislynn?" she whispered. "Are we still going to take them to the hospital."

"Yes." Carlisle promised.

***

**Savannah, Georgia, April 1991**

_"I can't stop buying toys." Carlisle confessed as he dumped a bag filled with toy trucks, Barbie dolls, and teddy bears onto the bed._

_ Esme smiled as she looked up from the book she was reading. "And this is what he does in between med school." She folded the page. "I swear this has become an addiction."_

_ "I'm excited." Carlisle gushed. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and then fell back onto the downy softness. "And I'm so tired."_

_ "Then get some rest." Esme crawled up to Carlisle and peered down at him._

_ He sleepily reached up to touch her face._

_ She placed her hands over his eyes, and then folded her arms behind her back._

_ "Give me a kiss." He said puckering out his lips._

_ Esme bent down and crushed her lips softly against Carlisle's. She rested her hand with vibrant yellow nail polish against his reddened cheek. "I think it's cute that you're spending all your free time buying toys. But you're making me look bad now so you're going to have to stop." She rubbed her nose against Carlisle's he breathed softly. "I haven't brought one toy yet."_

_ Carlisle started to snore._

_ Esme's eyebrows furrowed but a smile crossed her face. She crawled off of the bed and took off Carlisle's shoes. After she placed them in the closet Esme wrapped him up in a light blanket._

_ Birds chirped musically outside. She closed her eyes and allowed the sounds of spring to soothe her. A gentle breeze wafted inside off of the Spanish moss trees right outside the window. Esme walked quietly out of the room. Sunlight filtered through the windows as she bounced down the stairs humming a song. She was restless, which gave her the perfect opportunity to go and do some shopping of her own. _

_ The doorbell rung._

_ Esme bit her lip and quickly ran to get the door. Carlisle survived on limited sleep. He always found ways to stay busy. If he didn't busy himself with her, or med school, then he was buying toys, or going sailing, but sleep rarely came. All she wanted right now was for her husband to sleep. _

_ She opened the door expecting to see the mailman but instead she saw a ghost from a year ago. Elizabeth Masen. Esme's eyes widened. She wasn't sure what to do at first besides smile like a fool. But Elizabeth reacted first by wrapping her into a tight, life-squeezing hug._

_ "Essy. What did I tell you about white picket fences?"_

_ "Oh Elizabeth." Esme hugged her warmly. "I'm so glad to see you! How did you know I was living here?"_

_ "Simple." Elizabeth said with her trademark smirk. "I searched for the richest, most Brady Bunch neighborhood I could find in Georgia, and viola." She grinned and pulled her shades off. She looked so tired. "Actually I went up to your folk's house, showed a little leg and some boobage, and they threw the holy bible at me and then told me where you lived. I'm kidding. You look beautiful."_

_ "You too."_

_ Elizabeth wrapped an arm loosely around Esme's waist. "Don't lie to me. I look like a tractor trailer just dragged me from Wasilla to here."_

_ Esme tilted her head to the side; an objection was on the tip of her tongue. _

_ "So where is the hot doc? Is he still sailing?"_

_ "Yes, whenever he can."_

_ Elizabeth looked down and smiled. "Aww well...that's great."_

_ "Can I get you some tea or anything?"_

_ Elizabeth's smiled wavered for a second. _

_ Esme's eyebrows furrowed. "Liz are you okay."_

_ "I guess my acting classes aren't paying off." Elizabeth's pale blue eyes focused on Esme. They were filled with a world of trouble. "I just wish I didn't make that stop before traveling the world."_

_ "So you never went to Africa?" Esme reminisced._

_ "Yeah. Five countries in five days." Elizabeth said with an impossible smile. "You were going to come, and then Carlisle was going to meet up with us in South Africa whenever he got a break from med school. God I miss our crazy ideas. And Pixie sticks. I miss those too." Elizabeth tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. "Do you think Carlisle would care if we got high on a sugar rush."_

_ Her smile was strained. Esme's eyebrows furrowed. There was definitely something on her mind. Esme put on the kettle. "I insist that you let me get you something."_

_ "Nah, I'm not hungry thanks." Elizabeth drummed her hands on the counter. "So...how's life? Is it everything you planned it to be?"_

_ Esme took a seat across from Elizabeth. "Life is good. How is...how is yours?"_

_ "Well I can't complain but I'm still not rocking out with Roxette...hey." Elizabeth smiled. "You do have the Pretty Woman soundtrack don't you?"_

_ "Yeah, it's downstairs in the basement."_

_ Elizabeth's eyes lit up. She reached for Esme's hand. "Let's rock out in the basement. I haven't danced just to dance in forever!"_

_ "Liz..."_

_ "Therapy. We have plenty of time to talk. I just need to have some fun." _

_ A storm of questions swirled in Esme's head. But she led Elizabeth down to the basement anyways. Elizabeth went straight for the collection of CD's right above a shelf of Carlisle's medical books._

_ "I love your collection." Elizabeth's hands freely roamed over the rows of CD's until she came across Pretty Woman. Elizabeth popped it in the CD player and turned to her favorite song. It Must've Been Love filled the room._

_ "Liz, Carlisle is sleeping." Esme warned. _

_ Elizabeth turned the music down but that didn't stop her from singing. She twirled over to Esme her blonde hair flying freely around her shoulders and danced like she didn't have a care in the world. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut and sung, her voice was as stunningly beautiful as Esme last remembered it._

_ Despite the distraction of Elizabeth's song Esme could tell that she was running from something, and she was running fast. Elizabeth had never been one to run from her problems; she always embraced everything head on. Esme turned down the volume a little more._

_ Elizabeth fell onto the couch. Her face was red and faint traces of a smile was etched on her face. "You could've at least joined me for one dance."_

_ "I could've. I will. But it's been a while since we last talked. Right after graduation you dropped off the face of the earth. Let's catch up." Esme took a seat beside her good friend._

_ "I did some traveling. But nothing fancy." Elizabeth shrugged. "And I went home for a little while."_

_ "How was home?"_

_ Elizabeth's face hardened. "I need..." she paused and licked her lips. "Esme I know I pulled a disappearing act but I consider you to be one of my best friends."_

_ Esme smiled and placed her hand on Elizabeth's. "And you know I feel the same way about you."_

_ "Things have just been really insane lately. I don't even know how I got in this mess. But I just need someone to talk to before I completely lose it. My parent's won't even speak to me and I never ask them for anything but the one time..."_

_ "Slow down." Esme said soothingly her grip tightening on Elizabeth's hand. "What happened?"_

_ Before Elizabeth could open her mouth Carlisle came down the stairs._

_ "I thought I heard something...loud."_

_ "Carly!" Her attitude changed like night and day._

_ Esme bit her lip and looked apologetically at her husband. He never complained about being called Carly, but she knew he liked it just about as much as she liked being called Essy. _

_ "What brings you back to Georgia?" Carlisle asked as he warmly accepted Elizabeth's hug._

_ "Friends. I just needed to be around positivity."_

_ Carlisle tilted his head to the side. "Is everything okay?"_

_ "Everything is everything." Elizabeth said with a nod._

_ Carlisle's eyes still reflected concern but he seemed to overlook whatever he was thinking for Elizabeth's sake. "Esme have you told her the good news yet?"_

_ "I um..." Esme didn't want to talk about her pregnancy yet because she was far more interested in discovering what was going on with her friend._

_ "Good news?" Elizabeth let go of Carlisle and swatted Esme's arm. "Excuse me for hogging the spotlight. But I could really used some good news right now."_

_ Esme's cheeks warmed. "I'm pregnant."_

_ Elizabeth looked at her, her expression was unreadable at first, and then she looked away. "Oh,"_

_ Esme folded her hands in her lap. She wasn't surprised by Elizabeth's reaction. How could she be bothered with Esme's pregnancy when she was so burdened by something else? It had to be horrible. Whatever it was. _

_ "She's two months pregnant." Carlisle said. "We're excited."_

_ Esme looked at her husband. He mouthed an apology, which she returned with a nod._

_ "Um sweetie you made cupcakes right?" Carlisle asked out of the blue. _

_ She didn't make cupcakes. Oh. He wanted to escape discreetly. "Yes they're in the fridge."_

_ "Carlisle." Elizabeth spoke up. "You're not a fan of the sweets. Only occasionally do you indulge. This is your house so I'm not going to waltz in here and make everything majorly awkward for you. And Esme I'm happy for you. I am. You guys will make great parents but I know that I can't do it."_

_ Elizabeth's eyes welled with tears. "I can't be a mom. If I knew...If I knew that you were having a baby then I would've never come because I can't ask you to help me with this." Elizabeth's face twisted and she placed her hand to her face. "I hate crying. God this is so pathetic."_

_ Esme wrapped her arms tightly around Elizabeth. "It's okay." She felt like she was going to cry herself. Esme had always been greatly affected by the moods around her. Her lips trembled. Oh god now she was crying and she didn't even know why._

_ Carlisle took a seat on the floor in front of Esme and Elizabeth. He looked down respectively. "Elizabeth you're a good friend of ours. If you need anything. We'll do whatever we can."_

_ "Not this." Elizabeth cried. "Especially since I'm so against it. Or at least I was against it, but sometimes you don't have a choice. Things happen and things change..."_

_ "What can we do for you?" Esme asked linking her fingers in Elizabeth's. _

_ "I came here because..." she paused and closed her eyes. "I came here because I'm pregnant. But I can't. I can't do it. I can't have this baby. Because it was a mistake. A horrible mistake. And I wanted...god I can't believe I'm so low to ask you this. But I came here hoping that you could loan me money."_

_ Money. Pregnancy._

_ "How far are you along?" Esme asked as the pieces connected in her head. _

_ "I don't know...but it can't even be a month. At least I don't think so. I just got one of those tests and it turned out positive."_

_ Esme swallowed. "So you want us to help you pay for an...abortion?"_

_ Elizabeth kept her eyes closed. "Yes."_

***

**Edward's POV**

---

"I still can't believe you talked mom and dad into letting Bella and Jake come with us." I said to my twin.

Alice was sitting on top of her suitcase looking pleased. "Why are you surprised Edward? You know I'm the mastermind in this family. The cute ones always are." Alice rested her head down on my shoulder. "I thought it would be good for Jake to spend the whole break with you. He makes you so happy. I have to admit that I was a little jealous of that at first."

"Jealous of what?" I asked surprised.

"_Nothing_. I said too much." Alice popped up.

I stared at her intently. "What were you going to say Allie."

"Is that new hair gel your using?"

"Allie bear." My cheeks warmed stupidly. I hadn't called her that in forever, but whenever I did it had magical effects. And as I expected she turned to me like I had just said the most prolific thing in the world.

"Even you aren't above using cuteness to squeeze information out of me." Alice looked down. "Ever since middle school I've wanted to break down the walls you put around yourself. I get in sometimes, but I've never been able to have as much success as Jake has. I think it hurt that you couldn't trust me enough to let me all the way in. But it's stupid. I'm just your twin. Jake is like your all time _epic_ love." Alice smiled crookedly.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Alice you're not just my twin. I kinda love you too."

"I know."

I moved my mouth to the side. "I would hug you if we weren't in a crowded airport just in case you needed proof or something." As I expected Alice purposely leaned forward and hugged me anyways, she hugged me tightly.

"Jake makes you smile. You're happy with him. And no matter what I used to feel. I know that he takes good care of you. Seeing you smile is all that matters to me." Alice looked towards the crowd.

"I've been thinking a lot about why I was that way. _Distant_." I said.

Alice looked at me. Her honey brown eyes softened. "And what did you conclude Scissorhands?"

"I still don't know. And if it's any consolation Jake was _badgering_ me the other day about opening up. He set me up good. I wasn't expecting it at all." A small smile crossed over my face, but it wasn't a good smile. I didn't like the fact that Jacob felt like he needed to know me _more_. I thought I was an open book for him to read whenever he wanted.

"I always thought that you were sad about something?" Alice said laying on my shoulder again. "And that's why I was always trying to cheer you up."

"Maybe." I watched as Bella and Jacob walked back towards us.

"We brought sustenance." Bella announced. "But only sustenance of the junk persuasion. What do we have Jake."

Jacob's dark eyes lit up. "For the twins we have cookies, chips, juice boxes..."

"How old are we..._six_?" Alice asked with a teasing grin.

"Your brother must be six because he loves his juice boxes." Jacob handed me a pack.

My cheeks warmed. "Thanks."

Bella took a seat beside me. "Alice do you think there are hotter guys in Georgia or Maryland?"

"Georgia fo' sure." Jacob answered looking at me.

Bella rolled her eyes, "Clearly you will be biased. And I didn't ask you Jacob."

"Aww she's just a hater." He said sitting down on my lap. More like forcing himself onto my lap. I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. I was tired. He kept me up most of last night, and I wasn't a fan of flying, so all the pessimism associated with the sleep deprivation made me a slight wreck.

"Cute guys are everywhere." Alice said. "But I think I like the guys in Georgia better because of their southern accents. How are you doin' today ma'am." Alice mimicked.

"Jasper has one of those." Jacob added.

"Who?" Alice asked.

I gave Alice a strange look. "Jasper Whitlock. The strange..." I paused. That wasn't nice. "I mean the guy you had a crush on all this year."

"He _is _a little strange." Bella agreed. "He's very reserved and secretive."

"But so is Scissorhands." Alice said tilting her head towards me. "I don't think Jasper's strange."

"Me either." I added quickly.

"Even though you just said that he was." Alice pointed out.

I didn't necessarily think he was strange, just the last run in we had. He stopped by to drop off Alec's keys, and then he looked at me...like he had either just seen a ghost or me for the first time. Something scared him when he looked at me that night and I had no idea what it was.

"I think that we should make more of an effort to get to know him." Jacob defended. "I talked to Jasper a few times and he's a cool guy. I don't think he's mysterious."

I looked at Alice. She seemed to be detached from this whole conversation.

"We should just leave him alone." Alice said distantly.

Now Bella was looking at Alice with surprise apparent on her face.

"He's busy. Jazz has ROTC and life. We all live on the same floor. If he ever wanted to hang out with us he knows that he doesn't need an invitation so it's time to move on. No use hoping for..." Alice paused and her cheeks flushed. "There are other cowboys out there."

Alice wasn't the kind of person to give up on anything. She set goals and went after them with relentless pursuit, but Jasper Whitlock was a quagmire. I could only assume that the heartbreak of liking someone attainable, but yet so far away, was difficult to handle. I wasn't leaning either way when it came to liking or not liking Jasper. He puzzled me, but I knew that he wouldn't hurt Alice.

I spent enough time observing him like a protective older brother to see that he treated her like she was truly someone special. He lost his nerve in front of her, babbled incoherently, and he opened doors. She took his confidence and totaled it, and I recognized that as a sign of love. Love had a way of turning the sanest people into fools. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against Jacob's back.

"Oh look there's dad." Alice said.

I opened my eyes. Jacob leapt off my lap like it was on fire.

"I forgot how hot your dad was." Bella said gawking. "Isn't he like 40? What is he like a vampire or something? No one should look _that_ good at his age."

"It's voodoo Bella." Jacob intercepted. "The Cullen's have their own brand of southern voodoo."

Bella laughed. "That would explain _so_ much."

"Hey!" Carlisle said walking quickly towards us.

Alice hugged him.

When I went over to Dad he wrapped me up in a tight bear hug. I looked up at him surprised because he hugged me like I just told him I was going to Italy for a few _years_. Even after the embrace he kept his arm around me.

"Bella, Jake I'm glad that you guys could come down. I promise that I won't allow Edward and Alice to work you too hard."

"Thanks so much for letting us come down Mr. Cullen." Jacob said ultra politely.

Now it was my turn to eye him. His cheeks were red and he looked so nervous. But why? Jacob had met my dad before.

"You can call me Carlisle," Dad said.

Jacob nodded but he still looked like he was going to have a meltdown.

Bella sensed this. She wrapped an arm around Jacob. "Carlisle, I know Alice enlisted us solely for our labor, but Jake and I plan on paying you and Mrs. Cullen back for our tickets."

"We can discuss that later." Carlisle said easily.

I recognized that as a _no_.

"How was the plane trip Ed?" Dad asked.

"Um...it was okay."

"You need your space?" Carlisle asked with a soft smile pulling his arm back.

"No,"

"I just missed you kids that's all."

He grabbed Alice and Bella's bags. "I know that you guys have been on a plane all day but there is one stop we have to make before we go home."

"Pizza!" Alice cheered pumping her fist in the air.

Dad grinned. "I guess we can get pizza tonight but first we have to stop at the hospital."

"Dad how is Aislynn?" I asked automatically.

"You can judge for yourself when we get there." His eyes looked so tired. _Dad_.

My heart ached. I wanted to sit down and talk to my parents. I wanted them to know that I loved them, and that I was sorry for any strain I unintentionally put on them. I wanted them to know that they didn't have to worry about me anymore. I was in a better place and I wanted to make sense of everything I had felt growing up. More than anything I just needed them to know that it wasn't their fault that I was so reclusive.

Carlisle looked at me. There was something heartbreaking in his eyes. I detected a sadness that I really didn't want to see. My lungs constricted and I felt a wave of anxiety. My pessimism was working overkill now. What if something happened to Aislynn? Oh god. I didn't think I could lose anyone else...especially not to cancer. And especially someone so young. Aislynn hadn't even had the chance yet to fully live.

"I totally spazzed out in front of your pops." Jacob shook his head. "I think I need to hear you tell me again that your parents like me."

"They love you." I said absently.

"Okay," Jacob nodded slowly and then he took my hand. "Edward what's up?"  
"Huh?" I took in a deep breath, "Oh nothing."

He squeezed my hand tighter.

"I just hate hospitals." I said quietly.

"But you want to be a doctor." Jacob stated.

"Yes so I can save lives. But I don't have the training now. I can't remove a cancerous tumor. I can't save anyone's life. All I _can_ do is watch people die." I started to shake. The air in the airport suddenly felt like it was being sucked into a black hole.

Jacob came back into focus; his hand slipped out of mine, and touched my face bringing me back down to earth. Now all I could see was the deep browns of his eyes. His hand was so warm against my skin. He kissed me softly. I needed that because for some reason I was on edge.

"Hey babe. Whatever it is. It's okay. You don't have to go to the hospital."

I managed a weak smile. He didn't even know what I was afraid of but he was telling already telling me I didn't have to go. "Sorry." I laughed despite myself. "I think I'm still a little thrown off by the plane. Heights don't exactly do good things for me mentally."

All my worries took a temporary vacation when I got in the van. My mom was sitting up front with an unopened container of fruit in her lap. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and the biggest hug I could manage in the space I was given. A hug similar to the one my dad have given me. _Going away to Italy for a few years_.

I thought I saw tears glisten in her eyes too. I looked down with the same irking feeling creeping underneath my skin. Mom rubbed my back.

"You look good."

I felt sad. "I'm eating all my vegetables." I cracked weakly. Stupid joke.

"Hi Jake." Esme said over my shoulder.

"Hi Mrs. Cullen." Jacob said as he scooted into the back.

I sat all the way in the back with him. Bella asked me if I wanted to change seats so I could sit in the middle with Alice, but I said no. Something wasn't right and I couldn't fake smile until I knew what it was. Dependably Alice led the conversation taking most of the heat off of me.

"I guess I shouldn't have eaten those onion rings on the plane." Jacob said.

"What?"

"Because you aren't talking to me. Is the halitosis that bad?" He gave me a Jacob smile. All blinding pearly whites.

"I don't remember you eating any onion rings?"

"You shouldn't. Because I didn't have any. I just wanted to make you smile."

I looked down and licked my lips. "Do you want to know something?"

"I want to know _everything_."

I looked around to make sure no one was listening. Alice was still talking, but Bella, who was always alert, was looking at me. She looked worried. I didn't want to tell this to both Bella and Jacob. _No_.

"Edward what's wrong." Bella looked at Jacob when I didn't answer. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah." Jacob lied. "He just um...he had the fish on the plane." Jacob made a disgusted face. "I warned him."

"He had the chicken." Bella corrected. "So if we're lying I'm going to assume it's boys time. I'm sorry."

Alice stopped talking as well and looked at me. _Oh great_. "Edward did you hear me?"

"What?" I asked.

"Never mind." Alice said dismissively. "Bella tell them how our new RA barks at people."

"She barks?" Esme asked sounding distracted.

"Yeah and I even heard she bit someone that was doing graffiti on the walls." Bella added in. Knowing Bella it was safe to assume that she was trying to take the attention off of me.

"So she barks and bites...sounds like she belongs in the pound to me." Carlisle commented.

"What were you going to tell me before the Swan swooped down on us?" Jacob asked.

My lips remained thin. I closed my eyes and reached blindly for his hand. _I'm not as strong as you think I am_. "You know how you sometimes forget a lot of stuff from childhood?"

"Yes." Jacob answered leaning into me.

"I still feel...I remember feeling so..." I opened my eyes and looked at Jacob. He was waiting for me to finish. But I _couldn't._ Instead I buried my face in his shirt, and he held me protectively in his arms like a child.

***

The hospital was cold. It was always cold. I smelled bleach. But that could've just been in my head. I prepared myself for anything. Maybe Aislynn was dead...or she was dying, and my parents wanted us to say goodbye. I could feel the hairs sticking up on the back of my neck, and rising on my arms, as I flashed back years ago. I was standing in the elevator, waiting, with a teddy bear in my hand. It was for Elizabeth. In the teddy bear's arms it clutched a heart that said _Get Well_!

I thought that I could save her. I thought that if I prayed to God, and read from my silly book that I could keep her alive. But she died. She died and for some reason I still felt that pain so strongly? Her death affected my childhood in ways that I still hadn't dealt with. But my parents couldn't be cruel to do this to me again.

I saw Margo's tired eyes as Aislynn tried to weather the storm for both of them. Aislynn spoke like she was so strong and mature. She wanted her mom to believe that she was okay. I knew how that was, because that was what I used to do. I said it was okay. I used to beg to go to the hospital but inside everything felt wrong. Toys didn't really give me comfort anymore, nothing did. I was consumed with wanting to save Elizabeth and looking back on that now I could see how unhealthy that was.

But I was six then. I didn't know. But my parents did, which was why they stopped letting me come so often. Even when Alice stopped coming I still came. And I knew that my parents still blamed themselves for that, which was why my distance was that much harder.

I was frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't. The hallway was long. Sunlight filtered through the windows. Eerie spectrums of light. Golden rays dotted with rainbows of pink and blue, and white spasms that blinded my eyes. Mom and dad were parking the car. And I was still at the elevator.

This shouldn't be so hard. I had gone to Elizabeth's room on my own while I waited for my dad during winter break. But then again I hadn't expected to meet Aislynn. She touched me so much that I didn't want to hear a tragic end to her story.

Alice took my hand. "Edward?"

She stood beside me. Jacob and Bella were in front. They all looked concerned like I had just taken off this mask...this Mardi Gras mask with a thousand sequins and glitter...the more shit on it the better. I looked at Jacob_. I'm sorry that I'm a liar_.

I'm not okay. I don't want to be here. I can't. No.

Alice led me towards the white light. "Just hold onto me tightly. I won't let you go."

"Alice I don't want to do this." I said quietly.

"But we have to."

I felt my eyes brim with tears. I didn't want them to fall in front of Jacob. I had to keep it together for him. He was getting better. God I was so proud of him. I didn't want him to see me like this. So weak and sad. Dark and twisted. Alice made me walk with her. Past Jacob and Bella. Past the windows. Past the rooms filled with people slowly dying.

Elizabeth's words played in the back of my mind.

_When I was your age the only thing I wanted to do was live_.

I glanced over my shoulder and looked at Jacob and Bella. They were watching us. We were slipping further away from them. Nurses and Doctors rushed around filling the gaps of light and space.

_Every breath. Every heartbeat was a minute on my clock. I had things to do. People to see. I didn't want to be confined. I fell in love and fell out of love. I met you. I made mistakes. God. I made so many mistakes. But in the end my mistakes...they turned out to be the best thing I could've ever done. Because even though I'm here. I see this life in front of me. This bright, vibrant beaming life. And god is it beautiful. Promise me that you'll take good care of your mom and dad. Promise me that you'll never stop smiling. Promise me that you'll live everyday like it's...promise me_...

Someone ran past. I watched them. Their expression was worried. Their eyes were so wide. Life was so fragile and unpredictable. Anything could change in the blink of an eye. Anything. Car accidents. Unexpected tragedy. People could just disappear leaving you with a whole lot of love and even worse, unspeakable pain.

Aislynn's mother stepped out of the room.

Alice stopped dead in her tracks. She was still holding my hand.

Margo's sunken eyes wandered over us. She gave away nothing at first and then she started to cry. I felt my world start to cave in and then the unexpected happened. As the tears gushed down her cheeks Margo threw her arms around us, wrapping us up in an embrace so tight that it was impossible to escape. My eyes widened as I allowed her to hug me. My heart beat like a slowly rolling drum waiting for the news.

"Thank you so much for coming back. This will mean everything to her. Thank you!" Margo kissed me on the cheek. "She's been talking about you non-stop. Her friend Edward." Margo wiped at her tears.

"She's okay?" I stammered.

"Yes." Margo cried. "I can finally sleep. Oh thank God."

Alice started crying. Tears gushed like waterfalls down her cheeks.

"I hear crying." Aislynn said from inside. "This room is a _no_ tears room okay people."

Margo laughed through her tears. "Kleenex?" She reached in her purse and handed tissues to both Alice and I. "I'll give you guys some alone time with her. I was about to take her home but I'm so glad I waited." Margo nodded. The tears started to flow again as she walked down the hall flooded with white light.

Alice looked at me and smiled. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

She kept her hand in mine.

Aislynn's room was filled with brown vases of sunflowers. She was over by the window in a wheelchair, her skin was ashen, and dark circles were under her eyes, but she was smiling like the last few months had been filled with strawberry lemonade and sunshine.

"So I'm guessing that you guys heard the news by now." Aislynn beamed brightly "Little miracles do happen everyday. My cancer...well it's kinda in remission."

Both Alice and I walked over to Aislynn. She was so impossibly strong. Stronger than I ever was.

"We were so worried about you." Alice confessed.

"Life is too short too worry. Can I get hugs?" Aislynn laughed weakly. "Especially from _you_." She pointed to me.

I bent down and I gave Aislynn a hug. She felt fragile in my arms like she could break any second. But I hugged her tightly because she was alive. There was hope. I was still shaking. But I was shaking with joy instead of misplaced fear.

"You are the most incredible little girl in the world." I said.

"Thank you." Aislynn said modestly.

Alice took a seat in the chair beside her. "You're going home!"

"Yeah." Aislynn reached out to take my hand. Hers was so much smaller in mine. "Just in time for _True Blood_ Season 3. Yeah Eric and Sookie." Her eyes wandered around the vases of sunflowers. "The kids in my class grew these for me. And they came and saw me after I woke up from the surgery. It made me really happy."

"Can I tell you guys something? But ya'll have to swear on a bowl of double chocolate brownie ice cream that you won't tell a soul." Aislynn added.

"Cross our hearts." Alice promised.

Aislynn took Alice's hand as well. "I was scared. I was so scared in here. Dr. Cullen and my mom kept me company whenever they could but this room it's not fun. My books aren't here, and I missed playing with my friends at school. I missed everything. But I wanted to smile for my mom. It made me sad when she cried and I didn't want her to cry. So I stayed strong for her. So I'm not so brave."

"Are you kidding me?" I stated. "You are _so_ brave. Most kids don't have to go though this. But you did. And no matter how scared you were Aislynn you kept on smiling. I know I couldn't do that."

"Me either." Alice added in looking at me. "So in that case you'll always be our hero. Edward do you have a gold star for her?"

"Yes. How is Dean?" I asked.

Aislynn smiled. "He's picking me buttercups. He promised that he would make me a crown of flowers. What about your girlfriend." Aislynn looked like she was having trouble keeping her eyes open.

"Oh um...he's here." I said looking down.

"Your _boyfriend. _I'm sorry." Aislynn smiled softly. "All that matters is that he treats you right." She closed her eyes. "He better make you buttercup crowns. And read you books before you go to sleep." She yawned. "And tell you that he loves you every night. Because grown up people should do all those things. I wanted to meet him but I'm just so tired."

Her cheeks flushed with a tinge of scarlet.

Margo came back into the room. Carlisle and Esme were behind her. I had been so preoccupied before that I hadn't noticed how big my mom's belly had gotten. I could focus on that now and relax. In June I would have a new brother or sister, and that made me _happy_.

***

**Esme's POV**

After coming home from the hospital Edward and Alice took Bella and Jacob on a tour of the house. Now they were walking towards the sunflower field not too far away from her garden. Esme smiled as she watched them line up like children. She didn't have to be near to know that they were playing hide and seek. The sunflowers were so tall out there that it was easy to get lost in them. She washed the dishes absently. Esme thought about how Edward used to always wander off into the sunflower field alone. He was always going on his own adventures. Lost in a dream.

Carlisle stepped behind her and wrapped his arms comfortingly around her waist. Esme closed her eyes as he kissed her cheek. She hadn't said much to him since they picked up the kids from the airport because she didn't want to hear the words. _We have to do it now_. Carlisle was sure about this. But she still wasn't.

"Alice requests pizza tonight." Carlisle said. "I'm going to go and pick it up."

"Okay."

"Esme," Carlisle whispered his blue eyes fixing on her. "I'm not going to come right back."

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"I need to clear my head for a little bit and take a drive. I'll be back in an hour." Carlisle frowned. He twirled his car keys in his hand for a few seconds lost in thought and then he turned around to go to the door. "Esme try to relax."

He was asking the impossible. "I _can't_ relax." Being a mother required certain instincts. Firstly, there was this innate need to protect your children. Protect them from everything, heartbreak, pain; anyone that would dare hurt them. Because to see a child suffer, to see your child suffer was the most devastating, heart stopping tragedy in the world. It was the kind of pain that made you want to fight to fix the holes in their heart.

If only she had realized just how much pain waiting could potentially do to Edward. Esme wanted nothing more than to take Edward in her arms and tell him over and over again just how much she loved him. Because even though he was eighteen now she could _still_ see that six year old boy with the sad green eyes coming to terms with just how cruel this world could be.

It burned her to the core because she knew that this world was about to get a thousand times crueler.

***

**November 9, 1991**

_"Guess what mommy you get to go home today." Carlisle said as he wheeled a wheelchair into the room._

_ Esme was beyond exhausted but more than anything she just wanted to hold her baby girl. "Where is she?"_

_ "Alice is with her Aunt Elizabeth." Carlisle tenderly stroked Esme's cheek. "How do you feel love?"_

_ "I'll feel one thousand times better when I can hold Alice."_

_ "She has your eyes." Carlisle breathed. He was unshaven and his shaggy blonde hair fell in his bright blue gaze. He helped Esme into the wheel chair._

_ She would rather walk but due to the complicated pregnancy and the slight discomfort she felt, Esme figured it was best to play it safe. Carlisle wheeled her through the hospital to the car that was waiting outside. The air was damp and the smoky scent of firewood lingered like a cloud in the air. _

_ Esme sat in the back with Alice. All her pain melted away the second she looked down at the small sleeping baby. She touched Alice's little feet, and swallowed as she reached for her hand. Esme stroked her thumb softly along Alice's skin. _

_ Elizabeth watched Esme in the front. "She's beautiful Essy." Her tone was sad. "I really hope I have a girl."_

***

_"Carlisle won't even let Alice down for a second." Elizabeth said later that night. She took a seat on the edge of the bed beside Esme and then got underneath the covers. "How did this happen? I'm still not sure how you managed to convince me to keep this baby."_

_ Esme yawned tiredly. Carlisle had banished her to the room for sleep. She couldn't sleep though because all she wanted to do was be with Alice. But Carlisle had a point; he had to go to school tomorrow, so she would have all day. "Liz, I didn't convince you to keep your baby. I left it up to you."_

_ "But you disapproved. You spoke to me with your eyes."_

_ "Elizabeth it was always __your __choice."_

_ "I was always for everything. My parents were ultra conservative on everything and I hated that. I said I would be different. I said that I would be open and accept everything, even the things I couldn't understand but abortion...I was never for that." Elizabeth spoke as she looked off into the distance. _

_ Esme looked down._

_ "I knew why people had to have them. But I never thought that years down the road I would be considering that path. I always wanted kids." Elizabeth smiled to herself. "I thought I would be the cool parent. I'd let my kids call me Liz...and we would have this understanding that they could come to me for anything. I wanted to be available and I never wanted to shut them out. I had all these dreams about parenthood...but nothing ever works out the way you plan it too."_

_ "I never told you why I was considering the abortion." Elizabeth looked down at her bulging stomach. "I don't want you to judge me because I've already kicked myself around enough." She swallowed. "Remember the guy I used to talk about in college. Vic, the rebel, with the motorcycle, the trailer, and the abusive father."_

_ Esme always thought Vic sounded like trouble, but for some reason Elizabeth claimed to be in __love__ with him. "Your parents made you come to school here because they didn't approve of him."_

_ "I went back to Alabama to find him after we graduated. I guess I just wanted to catch up. It was fun and crazy. He hadn't changed." Elizabeth shook her head. "I always felt so alive with him. He was dangerous and reckless but yet when he was with me there was this unspeakable compassion that perplexed me. I always thought that he had a good soul, but he couldn't shine it because of his old man. I think that was the main reason I became so attached because I was fortunate to see the man behind the bruises."_

_ "I was so in love that I didn't see the warning signs." Elizabeth's lips twisted. "We had two weeks of bliss. But during that time I realized that someone kept calling him, and he ignored the calls. I was suspicious so I followed him one night when he was going to pick up beer, and I saw him go to a house with a woman and child inside." Elizabeth turned away and her arms shook. "He had a family and he never told me. And he had a __baby__!"_

_ Elizabeth exhaled. "I just felt so disgusting and I couldn't wash myself enough to feel clean from that. I cheated with a married man and I had no idea."_

_ "That's horrible...not you. Him. For never telling you." Esme said trying in whatever way she could to comfort her friend. Esme reached out to touch her._

_ Elizabeth pulled her arm away. "And then I started getting sick and the nightmare turned impossibly worse. I then found out that I was pregnant with his baby. That's why I wanted to get an abortion because even now I can't even think of it..." she paused. "The baby. It was just a reminder of the mistake, the lie, and I just wanted to get rid of it, because I don't want to be reminded of Vic everyday.."_

_ "I'm so sorry." Esme closed her eyes. "I had no idea. But this wasn't your fault. There was no way you could've known. He wasn't honest with you. But at least the second you found out about his dishonesty you got out of there. You left and as for the baby. I know that the situation is hard, but Vic will have nothing to do with your child's life. He or she is going to need you to be strong. You choose to have the baby. And that's because you know you're capable of love, and you want to give this beautiful child a chance. You can stay here with us as long as you want."_

_ "I haven't even started thinking about names yet." Elizabeth said honestly. _

_ "You can borrow our name book?" Esme offered._

_ "What names were at the top of your list?" Elizabeth asked looking far off._

_ Esme figured that Elizabeth needed her to keep talking to take her mind off of the bitter truth. "Mary Alice was at the very top for a girl, but Carlisle liked Alice by itself. And I always loved the name Kaya. If I have another girl I'll name her Kaya." Esme smiled. "As for a boy I've always been fond of the name Edward. Edward or Robert. But Edward always wins."_

_ Elizabeth closed her eyes and rested her head against the pillow._

_ "How is your morning sickness?" _

_ "Better." Elizabeth said. _

***

**January 3, 1992**

_He was born on a Friday. Edward was the most beautiful little boy Esme Cullen had seen. She was in the delivery room for the whole experience holding on tightly to Elizabeth's hand. And when Elizabeth chose not to hold him, Esme did. Her heart beat weakly at the sound of his cries. She felt so connected to this little boy and he wasn't even her child._

_ In the delivery room Elizabeth never held him. She just looked at him like he was something beautiful, a shiny new toy, to stare at in awe but never to touch. After the delivery Esme joined Carlisle in the waiting room. He held Alice in his arms. She was giggling and touching his face. He was puddy in her hands._

_ "How did it go?" Carlisle asked happily._

_ "Well." Esme folded her hands in her lap._

_ "Esme?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "You look worried. Is the baby okay?"_

_ "He's fine. But I don't think Elizabeth is okay." Esme took in a rattled breath. "I just feel so sad and I'm not sure why?" She took in another breath. "I don't think that she's ready for this."_

_ "We're here." Carlisle said comfortingly. "We'll support her through whatever she needs."_

_ "Carlisle I know that we'll support her through everything. But you didn't see her. You didn't see the look in her eyes, when he was born. It was like she was living a nightmare all over again...but this was a beautiful nightmare, not a baby. And I know it's because of Alice that I just wanted to hold him in my arms and keep him safe. I just wanted to protect him and then I realized that I'm not his mom. I couldn't do those things." _

_ "Esme I think you just need to give her some time. She just had him. Maybe in a few hours, or even a few days she'll be ready. But give her some time." Carlisle kissed Alice on the cheek. "She just needs time."_

***

**January 28****th****, 1992**

_Elizabeth held Edward in her arms. She rocked him gently. _

_ Esme took a seat on a bench with Alice in her arms. _

_ "Thank you for everything Esme. I don't think I could've done any of this without your help." Elizabeth looked down at Edward with a quick frown and then smiled. "I was thinking about something."_

_ "What were you thinking about?" _

_ "Victor doesn't know about Edward. I left before he found out I was pregnant. And my parents didn't want anything to do with me after they found out I was still talking to him. I see how much you love Edward. You sing to him when you sing to Alice..." Elizabeth's cheeks reddened. "I don't even sing to him. But you do."_

_ "If something was to happen to me then he would be an orphan. There would be nowhere for him to go. And I don't ever want him to live with his...with Vic, because that would be worse than getting an abortion. So I want to ask...I need to know." Elizabeth moved her mouth to the side. "I want you and Carlisle to be his legal guardians just in case anything happens to me."_

_ "Nothing is going to happen to you." Esme said. "You will be a good mom and it's okay if you don't sing to him, you show Edward how much you love him in other ways."_

_ "So that's a no?" Elizabeth asked._

_ "No. That's not a __no__. You're like a sister to me. And Edward feels very much like my adopted son. I don't even have to think twice about the answer. Our home will always be your home. As long as you need a place to stay."_

***

**March 3****rd****, 1992**

_Dear Esme and Carlisle,_

_ Something came up. I have to leave town for a little while. Please watch Edward while I'm gone. I'll be back as soon as I can. Love dearly._

_Elizabeth Masen_

***

**Present Day**

**Savannah, Georgia**

The problem with telling the truth was that the truth sometimes hurt more than the lie. There had been ample opportunities to tell Edward that he wasn't their son. But every time she and Carlisle sat down to have the talk with Edward the words never came. Before Elizabeth came back, Esme didn't have the strength to tell Edward that he didn't belong to them, or even worse that his mom had left years ago without the promise of coming back.

She didn't want to confuse Edward or make him feel less loved. Over the years he became her son. When she looked in his eyes she saw a child that she would gladly trade her life for. When he cried so did she. Esme felt his pain in the most intense way. She vowed to protect him and in the end that was going to be her downfall, she could see that now.

Esme heard laughter spilling from the sunflower field. The kids were so happy. It was their happiness that kept this lie going, that and the need to protect, but Carlisle was right it was time. She knew that Edward would ask why she didn't tell him sooner. And she had no idea how she would explain that it was Elizabeth's wish for him not to know until he was older.

Elizabeth argued that she wanted Edward to remember her as someone who was kind. Who cared about people. Someone who cared about _him_. And then she explained that the reason she left was because she went through this revulsion stage. Everything about Edward disgusted her, because she couldn't separate him from Vic. And only then did Esme understand why Elizabeth would just _abandon_ him. Mentally she wasn't able to care for Edward.

Esme closed her eyes. She just needed a second of peace before she started thinking about how this would play out. Because every time she ran the scenario over in her head the outcome became more disastrous.

***

**Edward's POV**

---

Later that night Jacob and I joined Bella and Alice in the basement. I paused at the top of the steps looking down at them in a mix of amusement and curiosity. The basement had clothes all over the floor and a few boxes were assembled to make room for CD's, clothes, and other keepsakes that would survive the move from Savannah to Maryland. From here it looked like Bella and Alice had took the liberty to play dress up with some of mom's clothes from the 80's.

Alice had her chestnut hair twisted into a side ponytail and she was wearing a hot pink sleeveless dress that had more ruffles and silk than should be allowed. To compliment the interesting _outfit,_ she wore sparkling earrings that hung gracefully from her ears and a necklace with black beads. All of that was topped off with white pumps.

Jacob laughed behind me.

"Um Jake are you laughing at us?" Bella asked placing her hand on her hip.

"Well I guess that's an upgrade from that shit stained Exorcist costume you wore on Halloween." Jacob commented.

Bella laughed at that. Her outfit was a little more simpler than Alice's. She wore a black baby doll dress, with white leggings, and a deep red headband.

"Carlisle has goodies too." Alice clasped her hands. "Who wants to get 80's funkified?"

I snickered and looked at Jacob. "I think they're hiding the pixie sticks."

"We got a whole bag." Alice said waving it in the air like a Polaroid picture.

"I don't think we should join them." Jacob whispered in my ear. A radiant smile was on his face. "Look at the glazed look in their eyes. Those girls are hyped up on sugar and mothballs. I think we should run like Janice Dickinson and her plastic surgery of doom was on our heels."

"Boys this is the breakfast club." Alice announced. "You can't join and party with us unless you down a few pixie sticks and dance like there is no tomorrow in 80's clothes."

Bella laughed. "Alice are you _trying_ to scare them away? Boys. We're cleaning up down here and we figured that we would have a little fun, get in some dancing...."

"Um Isabella?" Jacob said.

"Yes Jacob."

"Do you really want to destroy the Cullen's house right before they sell it? Dancing and you equals monumental disasters. Fires, and landslides and concussions...epic disasters."

Alice ran up the stairs. She grabbed my hand. "When we were younger I sometimes convinced Edward to dance with me."

"We were like five." I pointed out.

"He put on my ballerina slippers." Alice gave me a wicked smile. "I think you wore my tutu once..."

"Alice I did not."

Alice laughed. "I should've known then." She led me over to one of Carlisle's boxes. "Did you know that dad used to surf?"

"Maybe in some alternate universe." I commented.

"He has a wet suit in here and all." Alice said. "But you...you can rock the suspenders. Jake let me see what I can find in here for you."

"No thanks." Jacob said dismissively.

I looked down at the suspenders bunched in my hand wishing that I had waited a full hour until I checked on the girls. A few seconds later _Livin' on a Prayer _filled the basement. The girls on their sugar rush danced around in high-heels and dresses, Alice sung along always trying to steal the show, and Bella narrowly avoided taking down a lamp.

Jacob made his way down the stairs. He was still laughing. Despite all the angst I felt earlier I had to say that seeing him like this made me feel lifted. He was so light today. He was laughing and cracking jokes like he used too, and I could tell that this mood was effortless.

There was a loud crash. I jumped. Not only did Bella take down the lamp, but she went falling with it. Jacob was laughing as he helped her up. Bella blew her hair out of her face and started dancing again like a hurricane. Alice was in her own world raising her hands over her head, twisting her hips, and swinging from left to right, black beads swinging, and earrings glittering.

The breakfast club huh? So this must be the scene where all the angst was done, and everyone got closer. _Okay_. I wasn't wearing the suspenders though. Alice twirled over to me and she took my hands making me dance. I lost myself. I bounced around because that's what I did. I bounced.

The room was a dizzying blur. The balls of my feet tired from all the bouncing. Jacob was beside me. He pulled me against the wall. My cheeks flushed. We found our own rhythm now. Bella knocked down more things. I saw Alice take her hand and lead her to a space where there was nothing, but Bella still managed to get back to the danger zone.

Jacob's turned his back to me and pressed his ass against my crotch. I took in a ragged breath. He reached behind me and took my hands. Jacob wrapped my arms around him. If we were alone I would've slipped my hands in his pants because he was turning me on. He grinded against me harder. I closed my eyes and his lips found mine. Jacob kissed me sloppily feeding the desire already pulsing through my veins. His tongue glided across my teeth.

"What's going on here?" Esme asked.

Jacob pulled out of my arms so quickly that he accidentally pushed me hard against the wall. He quickly apologized to me. I looked down and smiled. Mom was so distracted with Bella and Alice playing dress up that I doubted she noticed us. 80's fashion had a way of commanding attention.

"We're having a throwback party." Alice said clapping her hands. "Is dad back yet?"

"He just got back." Mom responded. "That dress looks really pretty on you Bella. I forgot I had that."

"Thank you." Bella looked down, her hair fell in her face. She touched the bottom. "I don't usually wear dresses, but this one is okay."

"Come upstairs when you guys are ready." Mom said smiling softly. She looked at me, her smile faded when our eyes met, and then she went upstairs.

"The Breakfast Club will resume after dinner." Alice announced. She grabbed Bella's hand and led her up the stairs, leaving Jacob and I alone.

"I'm sorry babe." Jacob apologized. "I didn't mean to thrust you into the wall."

"Jake you can thrust me into the wall as long as you promise to fuck me right afterwards."

His cheeks crept with scarlet. "I keep forgetting that they can just come down and see us. I know you say they like me. But I still want to _dress to impress_ 'cause they're your parents,"

Jacob sat down on the couch and I took a seat next to him.

"Why do I feel like something is wrong?" I said absently thinking about the look in my mom's eyes. I thought the feeling had gone away, but clearly it was still bugging me.

"With _me_?" Jacob asked.

I playfully flicked him in the head. "No you're perfect. I feel like something is wrong here. My dad went to get pizza and he's been gone forever...he doesn't usually take drives without asking me if I want to come with him. But maybe he didn't ask me tonight because you're here." I racked my hands through my hair. "I'm scared for some reason and I don't know why?" My heart started to race.

I took Jacob's hand and placed it to my heart. "Do you feel that?"

Jacob balled my shirt in his fist right by my heart and pulled me to him. "The world isn't crashing down around us. Everything is okay. No need to be a drama queen _Jacob_."

His comment made me laugh. "Did you just call me _you_."

"Yes," He said brushing his nose against mine. "That little girl in the hospital, the one you were so worried about is okay. Her cancer is in remission. That's good news. So everything is fine."

I sunk into the couch and lowered my body so I could settle into his embrace. He held me tightly. It would probably be best if I changed the subject.

"I can't sneak into the pool house tonight."

"Oh?" Jacob said sounding disappointed.

"So if we're going to do anything then you should conveniently find yourself in my room around twelve before my shower." I traced my hand along his.

He kissed the top of my head lightly. "I _will_ conveniently find myself in your room. By the way where the fuck is that toy of yours? I've been asking you about it for the last two months but you keep changing the subject. No need to be embarrassed anymore about being the freak of my week."

"The freak of your week." I said slowly. I gave him an odd look and smiled. Jacob and his random sayings. I missed that too. "It's at the dorm." I closed my eyes. "You _can_ use it on me if that's what you're whining about."

"Sweet."

"But." I said sitting up.

"But what?"

"Your ass is uncharted territory." I wanted to take my mind off of everything and sex talk was always good for that. "When am I going to get to um...stick anything in _there_?"

"Like a finger?"

"More than a finger."

"A hand?" He asked.

I laughed. "More than that."

"Your tongue."

"More than that."

"You want to fuck _me_?" Jacob said looking a little nervous about that.

"Why not?" I smiled thinking about one weekend in early March when we had sex six times in one day. "You are always giving me the salami beatdown."

Jacob laughed. "What the fuck! Salami beatdown."

"My humor is dry I think." My cheeks warmed.

Jacob bit his lip. "We should stop talking about sex, 'cause I'm about to nut and you're not even touching me."

"You should nut in my mouth."

"Fuck Ed." Jacob stood up. He was erect and clearly turned on. "Carol and Mike Brady are upstairs. Down Greg Brady. _Down_."

I laughed. He reached for my hand and pulled me up.

"Give me a few seconds." Jacob turned away from me. "Don't touch me, or say anything."

"Dick."

"Edward!"

"Fuck. Me. Up. The. Ass."

"Edward!"

My cheeks warmed. "I missed this."

"Me so carefree?" Jacob said. "As soon as we got on the plane together I told myself that I wasn't going to worry. I was going to be chill."

He tapped my cheek.

"And it's working. I'm chilled like a glass of iced tea sitting out in the sun with a lemon on the side." Jacob winked and grabbed himself. "Want some of these lemons baby, I promise the juice ain't sour."

I cracked up and pointed to his cock. "What happened to letting it go down?"

"I've been super chill today and you've been worried. I'm pulling out everything but the acrobatics to cheer you up. But I'm not too far from doing a few front flips."

"I was worried today. But I'll come down from it. I will."

Jacob massaged my shoulder. "Here's the plan. We're going to eat and I'll forget about my parent pleasing agenda for a few hours so I can take care of my main man. We can do rated G...I'll read you whatever you want. Shel Silverstein, a cheap romance novel with lots of sex, a trashy tabloid. Whatever. Or we could do something R rated and I'll blow you so good that you forget you were worried about a thing."

"I'm so glad you're here." I said to him. "Because I don't know what's wrong with me today. But right now I feel like you're the only one that can get through the madness." I looked down at his lips. "Kiss me."

On command Jacob pulled me into his arms and kissed me softly. "How many kisses does it take to make the sad go away?"

I remembered when he asked me that the first time at the coffee shop yesterday. I _still_ didn't have an answer. But him just being here was more than enough.

***

**Esme's POV**

---

**December 25, 1997**

_"Carlisle I'm going to talk to Elizabeth alone for a quick second." Esme announced. "Just stay out here with the kids."_

_ Carlisle nodded._

_ Esme stepped in the room and closed the door behind her._

_ Elizabeth looked so far from the wild and free young woman she had met in college. Dark circles lined her eyes, and she looked both physically and emotionally exhausted. "Esme the kids are having fun. Let them enjoy this day."_

_ "Elizabeth you need to tell Edward." Esme said sitting down on the bed._

_ "Tell him what?"_

_ "You know what. You're his mother." Esme said with difficulty. "He needs to know that."_

_ "Esme. I'm dying."_

_ Esme closed her eyes._

_ "All his life he thought you were his mommy..."_

_ "Because you just left." Esme said trying her best not to get upset. "The second Carlisle and I officially became Edward's legal guardians you left. You didn't even say goodbye to him, and now you're back..."_

_ "And I'm dying." Elizabeth smiled wryly. "Memento Mori."_

_ "Elizabeth I can't tell him. I don't..."_

_ "Which is why you shouldn't. I thank you for bringing him here to see me. He's grown into such a beautiful and bright young man. And when I look at him...when I look into those green eyes I don't see Vic anymore. I see Carlisle and I see you, and that's beautiful." Elizabeth's lips trembled. "I left him with you so he wouldn't be damaged. But you saw what this did to him. Just seeing me here like this hurt him deeply. He's a smart kid and he knows that I'm dying."_

_ "That makes him sad. He keeps asking me about Heaven and angels. He knows Esme. And what do you think it will do to him if you tell him that his family, the loving parents he grew up with, and his twin sister aren't related to him by blood. He's going to be confused and sad, and he's going to feel like he doesn't belong. When I die, I don't want him to feel like he lost his mother, because he's too young to feel that much pain."_

_ "Esme don't you understand? Before I left I couldn't sing to him without seeing Vic. When he cried I didn't feel anything. That scared the hell out of me. It made me feel like a monster. I didn't see a trace of me in him. Just Vic everywhere. I saw a monster. And I felt like a monster for giving birth to it. But it wasn't Edward's fault. It was me. Something went wrong with me. I just couldn't bear to be near Edward because I couldn't love him. And that's why I left him with you Esme because you have so much compassion. The way you held him, and the way you looked at him like he was your own son, made me see that you wouldn't mess him up._

_ "I wanted him to feel loved. I knew you would give him that. I thought I didn't understand what it meant to be a mother back when I left him with you. But now I realize that I was doing what was best. I don't know where he would be if he lived with me, and I don't think I would've ever had time to heal...but isn't it all bittersweet because look at where we're at. I left to save Edward and I came back dying. But I can't be sad. I won't be sad. Maybe this is some cosmic karma for what I've done."_

_ "Carlisle bring them in!" Elizabeth called before Esme could say anything._

_ The door opened and Alice and Edward rushed over to Elizabeth. _

_ "Esme, I think the kids want another round on the wheelchair." Elizabeth coughed and placed her hand to her chest._

_ Esme stood behind Carlisle and the kids with her arms tightly crossed. She looked at Edward feeling as if he was in everyway her son despite the fact that Elizabeth was right there. His own flesh and blood was so close but didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. _

_ "Are you guys too cool to give me a hug?" Elizabeth asked putting on a huge smile._

_ Alice hugged Elizabeth first, and then Edward joined in. Edward looked so sad. Esme felt a wave of tears coming on. How could Elizabeth ask her to keep this from him? And how could she keep playing this game. Esme pictured Edward at dinner not eating his food, having nightmares, and crying over the smallest things, like he was regressing._

_ He didn't even know that Elizabeth was his mom, but just being here in this environment, despite all the comfort Elizabeth provided, hurt him significantly. And Esme couldn't stand it. She felt hollow inside and empty. Because all she ever wanted was to be a good mom to her kids, and not telling Edward the truth was more difficult to stomach with Elizabeth being on the verge of death._

_ Esme instinctively stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Edward. She smoothed down his tawny hair. His little hands held on securely to her sleeves. She wanted to prompt Elizabeth one last time to tell Edward. But he was so small in her arms. He was a child and telling him now that his real mom was dying would be no better than telling him he was abandoned. So she committed herself to reality and accepted that Elizabeth would never tell Edward that he was her son. _

***

**Edward's POV**

---

Jacob collected all the dishes after dinner and offered to manually wash them.

"Um Jake sweetheart." Alice said looking over her shoulder at him. "We have a _dishwasher_."

Jacob blushed. "Oh yeah."

Alice grinned and whispered to me. "It's cute that he wants to try so hard for mom and dad."

"You can tell?" I asked still burdened by my thoughts,

"Obviously. I've seen Jacob's side of the room. I know that boy doesn't clean."

"Edward's been training him." Bella volunteered. "How to be a good future husband."

I laughed.

"I'll help Jake clean up." Bella volunteered. "Thanks again for dinner Mr. and Mrs. Cullen."

"Bella and Jake." Carlisle said in a very business like fashion.

Both of them stopped by the dishwasher.

"We need a moment of privacy. I hope that it's okay if we ask you to go to the pool house for a little while."

"What's wrong?" Alice asked automatically.

The sinking feeling in my gut suddenly felt a lot deeper.

Jacob instinctively looked at me. For a second I thought he was going to forget all about impressing my parents and rebel. But Bella took his hand. She more or less dragged him towards the door. He watched me the whole time. Bella still holding his hand, as if she knew he might run back towards me, closed the sliding door leaving behind the lingering smell of oncoming rain.

Esme took in a deep breath as soon as they were gone.

"Edward..."

"_Carlisle_," she cried suddenly. "Wait."

Carlisle's eyes softened. He took Esme's hand. His eyebrows furrowed and the look in his eyes...the sorrow, the pain, the fear intensified.

Were we breaking down? Was everything about to come to an abrupt stop. Why did they single me out. Fear. It was so unreal. Pounding. And flooding my thoughts with the most terrifying scenarios.

Esme looked away.

"Mom. Dad?" Alice asked meekly. "What's wrong...is there something wrong with the baby?"

"No." Carlisle said. He closed his eyes tightly. "The baby is fine...it's not the baby." He took in a few breaths. Carlisle balled his fists. Tears formed in his eyes. He looked like he was in pain. Like there was some gag order he couldn't get past.

I reached out with shaking hands. I didn't like to see him like this. I didn't like to see him in pain. I wanted to take it all away. Because my dad was always the one that was strong. He was calm and even in all the saddest moments I could think of in my life I had never seen him cry. Tears welled in my eyes only because it was the worst feeling in the world to know that something was horribly wrong, but to have to wait to figure out what it was.

"Edward." Carlisle started again. Tears fell down his cheeks and he looked so _human._ It was startling now that I realized that. He turned his hand over in mine and held it tightly. I felt Alice's eyes on me now. "There is no easy way to say this." Carlisle took in another breath. "We're not your...we're not your birth parents."

I stared back at him in confusion. The tears. The pain etched all over his face. What was he talking about? Of course they were my birth parents. My lips pulled into a disbelieving smirk. I tried to ease my hand out of his cold and clammy grasp but Carlisle held me securely.

"What?" Alice said. "Dad. That's not even funny. Why would you joke about that..it's just..._cruel_."

Esme finally looked up. Her eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. "Carlisle is telling the truth."

My eyebrows furrowed. I felt like I was trapped in this dream. Okay when would I wake up. Clearly this wasn't real. No. It wasn't? How could I not be their kid. I was. I was. I tried to pull my hand away again, but Carlisle still held on. I looked down because I didn't want to see their teary eyes anymore. Because the more I looked at them...the less choice I had but to believe them. I kept my head down. I closed my eyes. I just wanted my hand back. I wanted a second to process this...whatever this moment was.

Through the blackness I waited. I waited for Carlisle to jump up and start dancing. _Edward I got you good_. But he didn't. I heard more crying in the silence. No this just couldn't be? How. No. No. This wasn't real.

"Edward."

No. I'm not looking at you. I can't. No.

"Edward." Carlisle said again.

"_Dad_." Alice whispered. "Stop okay? Just stop. It's been a really long day. Just stop. Edward and I are going to go and..." Alice stood up and she took my hand. She pulled it out of Carlisle's, "Come on Edward."

"Alice." Carlisle said standing up as well. "I know that this is hard but we can't. It's been far too long and he has to know." Carlisle hung his head. "So please...this is already hard."

"He _is_ my twin brother." Alice cried her face getting red. "So stop lying. He's my twin. And I guess what you're saying is if all of a sudden he's not your kid, then I can't be either. What's wrong with you guys. This isn't funny!"

"He's Elizabeth's son." Esme cried.

Alice stopped yelling. "_What_."

I drew in a breath. I still couldn't look at anyone. I felt like I was glued to my chair, and it was spinning. It turned me upside down and everything was black. My fists tightened. I didn't want to hear anymore of this. I just had this urge to run. But I stayed. My feet remained on the floor but my chair was still spinning.

"Before she got sick she left Edward with us." Esme whispered. "She was going through some things and she...she couldn't take care of you. So she left you with us."

I bit my lip and looked to the side. My cheeks warmed and I felt an oncoming assault of tears. Why would they lie to me my entire life and make me think I was theirs' when I was just...when I was just not wanted. I swallowed holding back the emotion that was brimming behind everything.

"But..." Alice stammered. "But he's my twin. How..."

"He's not." Carlisle said looking down. "He was born two months after you."

"What! What is this fucking _Days of our Lives_." Alice exclaimed but there wasn't a hint of laughter in her voice in fact she was crying. She was sobbing, sobbing like she had when Dylan Keller died. And I suddenly couldn't take it. I didn't want to hear anymore. I couldn't hear anymore. I just couldn't. I needed it to stop. Now. Now before I fell down and shattered into a million pieces.

How could they lie to me. My whole life. How? Why would they be so cruel. Oh god it hurt like hell. I needed to get out of here. I needed to run. I had too. I had to run and get as far away as I could. I heaved uncontrollably drawing in a mouthful of air. My face twisted and my chest heaved and the tears started to flow.

"So you adopted me?" I managed.

"We're your legal guardians." Carlisle said looking at me with all the love he could.

"But I'm not your son." I pieced together next.

"No. Edward you are." Esme said placing her hand to her heart. She went to stand. "You _are_."

"No." I said stepping back. "This. All of this. Is just way too much. Why would you wait all these years to tell me this now. All my life I thought you were my parents! And I thought she was my twin." I gestured towards Alice.

"She is _still _your sister Edward." Esme reasoned.

"Just stop...please. I just..." I backed away. Gravity felt like it was going to slip away any second and it was going to suck me away into space. Where I would float alone. I turned my back as my heart thumped weakly against my chest. I don't know why but I felt like I was dying. I felt like my head was pounding and my heart was on the verge of stopping any second. I heard them tell me to come back. Alice called my name.

I saw her crying. All the pain I caused her because apparently I wasn't her brother. And I couldn't fix this. I couldn't fix anything. It was dark outside. Almost pitch black. The moon was full and ominous glowing eerily down on the field. I just wanted to be alone so I could process this.

Lies. All lies. I saw Elizabeth dying in her bed. She was my mom. She...all this time I was right there with her not knowing, and they just allowed me to be there. My heart stopped. Blood pounded in my ears. The moon swallowed me. Vanishing me in it's white light. Killing me slowly.

Cancer. Death. Lies. Heartbreak. Pain. The most severe pain I had ever felt in my life. I wasn't a Cullen. Alice wasn't my sister. There was a weight on my shoulders that I couldn't get off. I heard Alice approach me. She was still crying. I walked away. I couldn't fall apart in front of her...I wouldn't.

"Edward?" Jacob said coming from the direction of the pool house. Bella was standing by the door.

I saw his smile. That smile that he reserved for me. But I couldn't return it. And I didn't want him to see me like this either. I suddenly started to _run_ lost in a frenzy, a maelstrom of emotions that I had yet to make sense of.

"Edward!" Jacob yelled again.

The wind whipped around me. A path of silver lit my path.

"Edward!" Jacob yelled again. His voice was getting closer. He was running after me.

_All these accidents,_

_That happen,_

_Follow the dot,_

_Coincidence,_

_Makes sense,_

_Only with you,_

_You don't have to speak,_

_I feel._

I couldn't will myself to stop running and turn around. If anyone could bring me down from this searing pain it was Jacob, but I still hadn't completely wrapped my mind around this. I was lost in an incoherent jumble of truths that were now lies, tears, and birthdays. A world where everything felt sickingly Alternate Universe and I was displaced in a black sea of glittering stars. Fading. And then getting dragged out to sea in a slow ebb of pain. Nothing made sense. Absolutely nothing. I still loved them though. I loved Esme and Carlisle even though they had completely blind sighted me. Right now admitting that love felt like a knife twisting in my heart. The tears dribbled down my cheek as I kept the pace. I just wanted to lie somewhere where the world couldn't see me and fall apart so hideously.

I just wanted to cry...and maybe a small part of me wanted to die. My existence was here. I loved belonging to Esme and Carlisle. This was too much to take. Too much to digest. I wasn't emotionally able to stomach this right now. Jacob was still running after me screaming my name. _Stop__. Stop running from him. Just let him catch you. You don't have to explain anything. You can just fall. Just stop. Stop. Stop this feeling like you're dying_.

But for some reason I couldn't stop. I pumped my arms faster and my legs carried me further. I tore through the sunflower field. The moon was still shining bright like something out of a horror movie...but in a way this was a horror movie, my very own personal hell. My mind raced and it refused to stop. It wouldn't just give me one second to gather my thoughts to slow it all down before I collapsed from exhaustion. But I still ran like a scared and confused little boy.

The little boy wearing an oversized lab jacket reading to cancer patients and trying to save their lives. The little boy who felt so much but didn't know what to do with the pain. That stupid little boy. That stupid little fool. _God_. This little boy was bleeding all over the place and it was an awful mess.

Stop.

Stop running.

Stop.

Stop thinking.

Agony ripped me apart. It was getting worse.

I tore through the sunflowers, barely breathing. The road was on one side and a forest was on the other. I didn't have time to think because Jacob was incredibly fast. Why was I running from him? Why couldn't I just stop. I used to beg him not to run from me, but here I was running from him. I couldn't find reason to explain my actions and I didn't have time to try. Because like someone possessed I took off next in the direction of the woods.

I wasn't suicidal...even in this state of confusion and despair I _wasn't_ running towards the street. I just needed a second. A second to get as far away from what I thought was reality. I needed a second to regroup and a few minutes to cry. I just needed to let this go.

A sudden shower of rain poured down from the sky. Sinking into my bones. It was cold and disorienting. _Turn back to him_. A voice was saying in the back of my head. But the thought of Jacob seeing me like this. So raw and different was frightening.

The trees loomed towards me. Their branches were outstretched like hands ready to take me captive. The hysteria and confusion intensified. Roots twisted from the ground. I saw horrible things in these woods. Faces. Shadows. Now I was getting scared but I kept going.

_Emotional landscapes,_

_They puzzle me,_

_Then the riddle gets solved,_

_And you push me up to this_

_State of emergency,_

_How beautiful to be,_

_State of emergency,_

_Is where I want to be._

"Edward _stop_ running from me!"

He was so close. I could feel him slowly creeping under my skin. I could see his smile, a thousand voltages of love and need straight to my heart. He tackled me from behind. The world spun some more. I twisted and turned lost in the haunting moon and the rain. Our bodies rolled down a hill. I closed my eyes still wanting to hide from him. We hit solid ground. He touched my face.

"Edward what's wrong?"

He sounded so far away. Ethereal even. He touched me and hugged me and kissed me. But I was fighting. I balled my fists trying to break free from his embrace. I couldn't stay _still_ right now. I couldn't express what was on my mind. I couldn't face the truth. I didn't want to face it. _Don't make me Jake_. Get off of me. Just let me go. Let me handle this. Just let me go. I cried harder and beat his chest with my fists.

"Edward it's _me_!" He cried. "Stop fighting me!" He grabbed my wrists. His face was red and tortured. "It's me." He let go of my wrists and held my face to his. "Look at me. Look at me! It's okay. It's okay!"

I couldn't fix this. Everything was broken. It was all wrong. It was ugly.

Jacob cupped my chin in his hands forcing me to look at him. I saw the love clearly reflected in his eyes. Even though I had just clearly gone off the deep end, and it had probably been frightening for him to see me behave like this, he exuded strength and comfort. And I felt it despite the pain tearing me apart inside.

_All that no-one sees,_

_You see,_

_What's inside of me,_

_Every nerve that hurts,_

_You heal,_

_Deep inside of me,_

_You don't have to speak,_

_I feel._

Reason slowly started to come back to me but everything still hurt. I was wet and muddy. He probably thought I was crazy. He had too. Because even now as I looked back at him I didn't feel like I was all here. I was lost somewhere and still trying to come back from wherever I was.

"Edward?" He said softly. His wet hand lightly touched my cheek.

I felt ugly. Like a liar. But I wasn't sure why.

"Hey?" He whispered. "I'm here." He pulled me up from the mud and wrapped his arms securely around me.

I was embarrassed and ashamed. And hurt. I wasn't sure what emotion to focus on more. He smoothed down my hair and kissed me a few times. Jacob rocked me back and forth. I was drained both mentally and physically.

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong yet." He whispered in my ear.

I trembled against his warmness. I still felt like I was fading. Like I was going to disappear any second. But Jacob wrapped his arms even tighter around me, holding me down to the ground. Under the rain, the stars, and the moon.

I wanted to tell him what was wrong with me, but I knew repeating the words might send me into another uncontrollable spiral of destruction. I gripped loosely onto his shirt as he helped me up. I didn't want to feel this sadness. I didn't want to affect his mood. In fact I wished I didn't have to tell him at all...to protect him from feeling what I did.

_Protection_.

It was too soon to try and understand why my parents...Carlisle and Esme would lie to me all these years. But I knew more than anyone else about the faces you had to put on to get you through the day. The lies that you had to tell to make everyone think you were okay. And how it felt to feel less than satisfied with your life and yourself...even when you had everything.

The sadness I used to feel blocked everything. But Jacob's tragedies made me open my eyes. I changed and I fell in love...and that depression, that slow darkness that made me feel like this world was a dark place that took away everything you loved gradually dissipated and I grew monumentally. I had managed to turn into the person that I always wanted to be.

"What made you think you could run from me?" Jacob asked.

I remained silent.

Jacob wrapped his arm around my waist. We were walking together but he was basically taking all of my weight. I tried to ease off of him because I _could _walk, but he still held me up. "If you try that again." He paused obviously trying to keep the faux comedic tone. "Then I'll have to put a tracking device on you Cullen."

"That's not even my real last name." I murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"Welcome to the Twilight Zone Jake. Things are about to get really weird." I said looking down. "Dark and twisted. Nightmarish."

Jacob stopped me. "What _is_ going on exactly?"

"If I told you I don't think you would believe me. Because clearly I'm crazy. Running into the woods and away from you. I'm sorry I did that by the way I was just...I'm still not sure what I am."

Jacob shook his head. His hands slid up to my face. Moonlight reflected in his eyes. "Don't beat yourself up. You're allowed to feel whatever your feeling. And that's okay. I don't know what's going on. But whatever you tell me I'll believe you."

_Emotional landscapes,_

_They puzzle me - confuse,_

_Then the riddle gets solved,_

_And you push me up to this_

"Alice isn't my twin sister. We're not even related." I closed my eyes.

"But that's...impossible?"

"It's not impossible. My parents knew all along but they didn't tell me until now. And I think the part that hurts the most about this is...my real mom...um...Elizabeth. She never said anything either. I watched her die of cancer. I remember everything. And not once did she tell me that I was her biological son...I um...I can't really find the words to express this."

Jacob kept his hand on my shoulder. His fingers tightened and he bowed his head. "That _really_ sucks. I didn't think you would leave me speechless but I am." Jacob clenched his jaw. "You feel lost don't you? Like nothing makes sense."

"I still feel like this is a joke." I said shaking my head. "Carlisle and Esme. I don't even want to go back there because I don't know what to say? All my life I looked to them as parents but...I just want to go back to Maryland and forget about all of this." I laughed weakly. "But I guess that would be too much to ask for, for such a drastic do over."

"This doesn't make sense to me." Jacob repeated. "And sadly I don't think it's going to make sense for a while. You're going to have to eventually talk to them because even though what your parents did was fucked up..."

I winced. "They're not my parents."

"They _are_ your parents which is why this hurts so much." Jacob licked his lips. "I know you don't want to hear that. But when all this craziness dies down you're going to need answers. It's a lot to take in. Too much for one night. I'm going to take you home because you need to lie down."

"I can't talk to them right now." I said. "I might say something without thinking and regret it later."

"You don't have to talk to anyone. Well except me...and Alice. I can imagine this is hurting her just as much as it hurting you."

***

Bella, Alice, Jacob and I decided to sleep in the pool house. All the curtains were drawn and we were on the four-poster bed. Thankfully by the time I showered Alice had already told the news to Bella. I was okay with everyone knowing because there was no reason to hide from the truth anymore, but at the same time it was difficult to talk about it.

"Tonight doesn't change anything." Alice spoke up. "You're still my brother. But I guess we aren't twins anymore."

I looked down and moved my mouth to the side.

Alice's eyebrows furrowed. "Now you're going to have to deal with being my _little_ brother. I can protect you now." Tears formed in her eyes as she leaned forward to give me a hug.

I wrapped my arms around her.

"Bella, Jake, we all need a hug." Alice said crying again.

I opened my eyes and watched as Jacob and Bella joined in. Usually I would shy away from all of this attention but it felt nice, it felt safe. Like maybe in the morning the sun would rise and everything would make a little more sense? I was doubtful, but a small portion of my heart was optimistic. Because even with the bad news I received today, I also got to see a miracle. Aislynn's cancer was in remission. She was given a second chance to enjoy life, and for that I was thankful.

**Review Babes**! Reviews are Love.


	25. White Halo

**AN**: Thank you guys for the lovely reviews last chapter! It was such a reward to hear back from you guys. Also thanks for the PM's, for the people that participated in my little poll and for just being awesome all the way around. So with the end of this story coming. Some major plot twists are going to be starting in this chapter. I know the angst factor has been really high these last few chapters, and you guys are seriously the best for sticking with this...but the angst isn't going anywhere yet. In fact things are about to get darker. All the characters are coming into play now. And I've been laying my chess pieces since the beginning and now some are going to make a move. So be prepared for **Dark themes** in these last few chapters. I stayed up all night writing this so the end most likely isn't exactly how I want it...but I just really wanted to get this out there to you guys. Because I am both nervous and excited to unfold the last few bits of plot that I've been greedily keeping to myself. You guys are the best. And thank you so much for getting me to 900 reviews! It's more than I could've ever asked for.

-Maddie

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

Chapter 25- White Halo

--**Edward**--

**Time**.

3 weeks. 21 days. 504 hours. 1,814, 400 seconds.

The weeks had passed by like black and white footage showing empty space. I was here. Physically I was here. But mentally I elsewhere. When I looked in the mirror I saw my green orbs, the dark circles underneath my eyes and the ashen coloring of my skin. I was lost in the darkness. Lost in a sea of conflicting thoughts that had shaped my life until now. I was paranoid and scared. Sad and angry. So many cataclysmic emotions were warring inside of me and I was a prisoner to them all. _This pain was extreme_. I just wanted...I just needed the world to stop spinning. I needed this blackness to go away. I needed light. I needed my life to be the way it used to be.

I heard footsteps right outside the door. _Jake_. I sat up and tried to look inconspicuous. Seconds ticked by excruciatingly slow until Jacob stepped into the dorm. I flipped to a random page in my notebook and squinted down at sloppily scribbled words and numbers. Jacob tossed his bookbag onto his bed and then walked over to me. I felt his hands slide with ease over my shoulders. He was tense. I could detect that in his touch. I was failing at making him _not _worry about me.

"What are you studying?" He asked softly.

My cheeks warmed feverishly. What was I studying?

"Hmm." Jacob murmured to himself as he took a seat on my bed. He looked absently around the room and then back at me. "What do I have to do to break through this the layer of thick skin?" He balled his fist and tapped it gently against my leg. "I've been trying to get in for the last three weeks but you won't give me a key. It's getting cold out here in the rain." Jacob smiled tragically. "So let me in."

My lips thinned. I hated that he was suffering because of me.

"I'm hungry for you. I miss you man. You got these walls around you, and no one can break through them." Jacob inched his hands up to mine. "I'm your _boyfriend_. You've always been there for me. But I don't understand why you have to shut me out the second things get hard for you?"

I stared into his warm brown eyes dripping with empathy and love.

"I'll buy you enough cheesecake to last you for days. I'll drive you anywhere you need to go to clear your head. Edward I'll do anything. Just tell me what you need. I'm not psychic so I don't know. All I do know is that you're hurting."

"I'm sorry that I've been so distant." I apologized feebly. "All of this drama with my parents...um Carlisle and Esme, has been getting to me. I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head because I'm all over the place."

"So you think that you'll sort all this out by holding it in?" Jacob clenched his jaw. "I couldn't _stop_ drinking because I held everything in."

I winced.

"You have a support system right here." Jacob's voice trailed off. His thick eyebrows drew together. "This is an impossible situation. There is no quick fix for this Edward. But shutting everyone out and trying to be the hero is only going to hurt you in the end." Jacob scowled as if he didn't like his current train of thought. "You have people here that love you. Me. Alice. Bella. We want to help you. _We love you_. So stop trying to push us away."

"I want to let you in, but I can't even describe what I'm feeling right now." My fingers tightened in his shirt.

"When you first found out that you were adopted..." Jacob started.

"I _wasn't_ adopted." I corrected. "Esme and Carlisle only had custody of me until my real mom or dad decided they wanted me back. But Elizabeth died of cancer and I have no idea who my _real_ dad is." I laughed bitterly. "Who knows maybe I knew him too! I could've because Carlisle and Esme are such fantastic liars."

"Ed," Jacob wrapped his hand around my wrist. His voice was soft and cautious. "Don't do that to yourself right now."

"It's true. Anything is possible now Jake." I looked down at my trembling hands.

"Have you talked to them at all?" Jacob asked.

"I talked to Esme a little bit." My hands still shook uncontrollably. Jacob placed his hands over mine. I had been so excited about having a new brother or sister. But now I felt ridiculous about being excited for a baby that wasn't even related to me. I was just a person that lived with the Cullen's. A person who wasn't their son. A person on the edge of breaking in half. I needed to change the direction of my thoughts "How did studying go for finals?" The transition was rough. Jacob looked back at me confused.

"I didn't study for finals."

"What?" I croaked

"I can't study for finals. All I can think about is you. So there's your incentive to open up to me. If you keep shutting me out like this then it's going to be inevitable. I'm going to flunk all my finals and end up living in a cardboard box next to Andy Dick."

I frowned at the horrid thought.

His eyes were pleading. "I _really _don't want to talk about school. With all this silence between us I've had a lot of time to think about everything I should say. What I should do to make you feel better. How I should support you and show you with words or without them that I'm here. But I eventually realized that I can only do as much as you allow me to do. I can't force you to let me in. I can't force you to feel better, and even worse I can't force you to see that you're still the same person. You're Edward. And I'm crazy about you. Literally crazy you."

I moved my mouth to side as I slowly brought my eyes to his again.

"The way you make me feel has nothing to do with the blood running through your veins. I fell in love with you for you. Your heart and your soul. The way you cheered me up. The selflessness that defines you. I fell in love with _that_." Jacob looked down and shook his head. "You fought for me. You were always in my corner when I needed someone, and I'm here. I'm sober. Because of you. So I'm not going anywhere. Because when you love someone that's what you do. That's how it's supposed to be. You don't give up just because times are hard. You stay." Jacob touched my face and he nodded slowly.

His words were so intense and the tone in his voice was inescapable. In his eyes I saw the intoxication of his undying love. Seeing me like this was killing him, but his passion, the addicting love that he felt for me, which was beyond obsession and need, it was survival, kept him in the ring.

Shutting him out wasn't the right way to deal with this. I didn't want to speak right away because speaking was worse than thinking. Speaking. Voicing the dark thoughts in my head would be like setting this dorm room ablaze. I wrapped his arm around me and nestled into the safety of his chest. I found comfort in his embrace. I was broken. Shattered into a trillion sharp splinters on the black marble, and Jacob was on the floor trying to put me back together, even though he kept on getting cut.

I thought about everything we went through last semester. Jacob grew so much, and so did I. He risked everything for me. His family, his friends, everything he ever knew, for me. That was a hell of a sacrifice. So why was it so difficult for me to share my fears and frustrations? I searched the darkest corners of my soul for the answer. And then I realized that I didn't have any control. I couldn't regulate my emotions because they changed so frequently. I was unsure and filled with questions. I had no control over anything. Not over fate, death, or reason.

Elizabeth was dead. _She was dead_. And my real father probably didn't want me either. A part of me wanted to take the blame off Esme and Carlisle because if it wasn't for them I could be in a worse situation now. They gave me everything I ever needed. Everything but the truth. Out of all the self-inflicted cuts I had psychologically carved these last few weeks, the eighteen year lie had caused the most pain.

"I have an idea." Jacob said drumming his hands on his jeans. "You need a safe place."

"A safe place?"

"The one place where all your troubles just melt away." Jacob stood up. "I'll be back in an hour. Stay here. Don't go anywhere."

I nodded again. "Okay."

An hour later Jacob returned. I was laying on my bed watching back-to-back episodes of _Family Matters_ and _The George Lopez Show._ Comedy shows were like Chicken Noodle Soup for the soul right now. Despite how emotionally exhausted I felt I did manage a few genuine laughs with Steve Urkel. Laughing felt good because I was tired of the miserable company I had been keeping. Jacob dropped down onto his knees and pulled out what looked like a small tent.

"I used to sleep in this all the time when I was eight. It was like my own little house." Jacob smiled at me. "I found this in the attic the night you stayed over my house. I'm pleased to show you the peace tent. It's making a comeback like Brent's unibrow."

I sat up with an amused smirk. "The _peace_ tent?"

"Oh yeah." Jacob nodded with a calming smile. "Whenever I used to get mad at my parents or sisters I would go in here and tell them that I was never coming out again. I was stubborn enough to stay in here for hours. Eventually my mom or Rachel would come and sit in the tent with me. They would talk to me, or read something and that always did the trick." Jacob's cheeks flushed scarlet. "I know the peace tent won't solve everything but I also brought food."

"I really didn't expect you to come back with a tent Jake." I smiled and looked down. "Only you."

"Well this is an emergency so I have to use all my resources." Jacob gestured towards the tent. "Check out the interior. It's falling apart from the inside. But I still think it will do its job."

"Let's see." To oblige Jacob I ducked inside. He was right. The tent wasn't pretty at all. Jacob came in a few seconds later with a flashlight, some paper plates and a brown bag filled with food. Now that I smelled the shrimp fried rice, and General Tso's chicken I remembered how hungry I was. My eating habits had also suffered along with my communication, studying, and life in general.

"I used to sit on top of the roof." I said.

"Huh?" Jacob asked. His brown eyes registered an insatiable thirst for me to explain. Some communication was clearly better than none at all.

"Whenever I got upset, or I just wanted to be alone, I sat on top of the roof. My dad...I mean Carlisle would come up there sometimes and sit with me." I racked my hands through my hair. The light cast a soft golden glow on one side of Jacob's face and left the other side in shadow. "I never had a tent though...with such horrible colors."

Jacob playfully swatted my arm. "Don't diss the tent it's like sacred." He started to serve food for both of us. "You don't have to force it. Talking to your parents I mean. You'll know when your ready. But eventually you will want answers."

"Elizabeth is the person I need to talk to. But she's dead." I scowled. "My real dad is probably dead too."

"I think that it's too early to think about _that_." Jacob reasoned.

"Well it's part of what's been going on in my head. You asked."

Jacob nodded in surrender. "I saw Alice earlier today. She asked me how you were doing."

"She did? But we just hung out yesterday."

"Yeah. But you didn't really talk to her."

"Have I been that bad?"

"Yeah Edward. You have." Jacob handed me a plastic fork. "Eat."

"Thanks for not giving up on me." I said quietly. "I know it sounds ridiculous given everything we've gone through, but I've always internalized everything and handled my issues in my own way. I've been selfish. Even if I had trouble expressing myself I should've never shut you out."

Jacob smiled and leaned forward to give me a hug. "You don't have to thank me for that. I'm your boyfriend. But there is one thing I can't forgive you for." He narrowed his eyes.

My eyebrows drew together. "What?"

"Last week. _Rebecca_."

"Oh," I gave him a small guilty smile. Last week Rebecca had called Jacob at least a dozen times and he had ignored every phone call. I knew that Jacob wanted to talk to Rebecca, but he stubbornly pretended like he didn't want to. She left him a text message telling him that she would be in town this week and that she would love it if they could catch up. I took the liberty of replying back to one of Rebecca's text messages, which in return set up a hang out date for Rebecca and Jacob tomorrow.

"Tomorrow isn't going to be that bad. She's your sister, and you guys should talk."

Jacob nodded slowly. "I ignored her calls because I don't want to be her convenient brother. Yes, I love her, but Rachel has been there for me more than she has." He shrugged. "Eat Edward. I know you're hungry."

* * *

**Alice's POV**

Alice Cullen looked down at her watch as she walked towards McKeldin Library. When she looked up she saw a group of guys playing soccer on the lawn. One of those guys was Jasper Whitlock. He was a formidable opponent. He was swift. Jasper was clearly the guy that would've been chosen first to be on teams in high school. It took here a few seconds to realize that Jasper had stopped playing. Now he was waving at her. Her heart skipped a beat. _Why the hell did she stop to watch him_? Alice put on a smile, the brightest smile she had given in days, and waved back. The way she felt about Jasper, the lovesick stirrings that consumed her emotions had to be put to an end. She couldn't love a guy that belonged to someone else.

Alice always thought Jasper was a decent guy. He was confident, but yet nervous when around her, strong, but yet boyishly charming. Underneath each layer of complexity and beauty there was an unspoken mystery that she had longed to understand. His eyes were so soft and tortured, and she could never forget the day she saw him in school all bruised up. Alice had wanted to ask him the truth. She wanted to know what really happened to him, because she knew he was hiding something. And it was more than the fact that he had a girlfriend. She just wished that he could've at least been honest about _that_.

She swiped her chestnut hair from her face. Alice looked away from Jasper and kept walking. Life had been so painful these last few weeks so there was no need to complicate it. Alice crossed her arms close to her chest. In the airport she told Edward that she had been jealous of Jacob because of the way he broke down Edward's walls. But that jealousy subsided when she saw how much Edward grew with Jacob. He became more comfortable and open. Edward changed right in front of her eyes and that was the most beautiful, heart-rending thing she had witnessed in her life. But now he was right back where he started.

She doubted that she could ever find the words to tell him this but Alice had started Haven for _him_. Back in high school she used to always worry about what was going on in his head. He was so silent and distant and the thought of him keeping his silence and suffering alone killed her. She bit her lip and looked down at the sidewalk. The fading sun lit her path. Thinking about Jacob consoling Edward right now gave her some relief.

McKeldin was crammed with students. Alice searched around hopefully for a space. She did a silent cheer when she spotted an empty spot beside Bella and Edward's friend Emmett McCarty. He was listening to his Ipod and singing out loud.

"Yes I can see her. 'Cause every girl in here want to be her. Oh she's a diva." He sung.

A few people rolled their eyes and some even turned to glare at him. But Emmett seemed oblivious to it all. In fact he was dancing in his seat. He winked at a guy who was watching him.

Alice smiled. _He was wild_. Emmett turned to look at her. He tilted his head up in greeting and then he went back to his disruptive song and dance.

"What the fuck? Why does that dude always have to create a disturbance in the _library_?" A girl sitting right behind Emmett snapped. She turned in her seat just so she could sneer at the back of his head.

Emmett casually pulled out his earphones and turned to look at the girl. "Are you paying the bills here cheddar cheese teeth? If the answer is no then why don't you stop giving me nightmares and put a toothbrush to that snaggletooth. 'Cause your breath smells like garbage juice." Emmett snickered. " Now let me study. God I'm trying to get a good education here and you people keep disturbing me."

A librarian with a tight braid down her back and a fanny pack strolled over to Emmett like her heels were on fire. She crossed her arms and strutted out her leg like she meant business.

"Emmett McCarty." She snarled.

"Hey mamacita. What's going on with you? Mmm...that fanny pack makes me wanna do naughty things." Emmett bit his full lips and looked her up and down like he was interested.

"How many times do I have to go over with you. There are plenty of street corners where you can act out you hooligan tendencies. This is the _library_."

"I've been banned from all the street corners." Emmett shrugged. "Apparently public nudity is frowned upon even in the darkest allies."

"Leave _now_."

"You can't kick me out." Emmett insisted. "Freedom of speech Fanny Pack. I know my rights. I'm paying to go to this school just like everybody else here."

"I _can_ kick you out, and I can do one better." She took a step forward. Her tone was harsh but her eyes were trained on Emmett's pants. "I can get you banned from the library as well. Now turn off that music and go."

Emmett wrinkled his nose. "Mama why don't you just loosen that tight braid a little bit? Mr. Em is a lover. He likes to shake things up." Emmett stood up with a dimpled smile fit for an angel. "C'mon baby you know you want to kick back and have a little fun. Show me what's in your fanny pack." Emmett wagged his eyebrows. "And I'll show you with mine. It starts with P and rhymes with penis. Oh wait...that's not right. Opps."

She stepped back. Her face reddened and the wild look in her eyes hit new extremes.

"Don't hate on me just 'cause you want to hit this." Emmett sung. "You bring the salt, I got the pepper, mix it together, and you'll see I'm down for whatever. Cougars, dudes...twins."

"_Ohh_!" she gasped. "I'm calling campus security!" The librarian squeaked. She then cleared her throat in an attempt to deepen her voice. "I hope they give you a good..."

Alice walked over to Emmett because the librarian's threat didn't seem to bother him in the least. "I think she is serious about calling campus security on you."

The mischief etched on Emmett's face gradually faded away. "Well hello there half of the wonder twins. You're not my favorite one. But I guess you'll do."

The librarian stood behind Emmett staunchly.

"How is Edward anyways?" He asked completely ignoring Fanny Pack.

Alice looked down. "He's..." Before she could answer she noticed a guy quickly walking towards them. "Emmett, campus security is coming."

Emmett pumped his fists. "Sweet. The thrill of the chase." His eyes stayed on Alice for a little longer. "By the way you can have my seat. Caution though that girl behind me...her breath smells like gasoline and chicken grease. Don't ask how. It just does. So don't like a match because breath like that is a fire hazard."

"There he is!" The librarian suddenly screamed. She pointed at Emmett "Roast his ass! Really punish him. I want to see it!"

The librarian's eyes were crazed and bulging like she wanted blood. Emmett ran off laughing like a misbehaved child. His shorts dropped a little. Alice saw a flash of white skin. _Emmett wasn't wearing any underwear_. She looked away with a disbelieving smile. What a character.

The crazy librarian fanned herself wildly. "That boy is the nastiest most vile excuse for a human being I've ever seen in my life. Someone needs to teach him a lesson with whips and handcuffs."

Alice's eyes widened. She turned around to look at the librarian. She wasn't the only one looking.

The librarian cleared her throat and quickly walked away. "Carry on now. The trash has been put out." She quickly slinked away.

Alice laughed to herself as she took a seat at Emmett's table. He had left a book behind. At least she suspected it was his. Alice looked down at the MCAT book. She flipped to the first page. Emmett had signed his name in what looked like sheer boredom. And he had a giant heart on the first page. She smiled in confusion. Alice tucked the book in her bag. She would give it to Bella or Edward to give to Emmett later. Okay now she needed to _focus_. Alice took in a deep breath and then removed her books from her bag.

She massaged her temples as she attempted to get into the studying mindset. But naturally Jasper Whitlock flashed into her mind. Alice balled her hand against her cheek. Her heart fluttered at the thought of him on the field bathed in the last remnants of sunlight. She heard him talking to her in the back of her head. He stumbled over his sentences and always had a nervous smile. Alice sadly placed her hand to her heart. He filled her with so much love and he didn't even have the slightest clue. But he had a girlfriend. _He was in a relationship_. That was enough to stop this. Alice shook her head. Her dark hair fell into her eyes. She looked down at her watch. She had wasted _fifteen minutes_ angsting over a love that would never be.

"Can I sit here?"

"Sure," Alice said before looking up. She tucked her hair behind her ears. _Get it together Alice_. When she looked up to give the girl a kind smile her heart froze. It was _her_. Jasper's girlfriend. Alice looked down in an attempt to hide the blatant surprise.

"Is something wrong sweetie?" The other girl asked. A giant clock was hanging on the wall right behind her head. The arms were frozen, and the red needle that counted seconds ticked unsteadily between 5 and 6. The hairband in the blonde's hair was an attention grabbing shade of scarlet.

"Oh no. Nothing's wrong." Alice said quickly.

"Then what was the stank look for..._sweetie._"

Alice's eyebrows furrowed. "I didn't..."

"No you _did_." The blonde stared back at her with unblinking eyes. There was malice in her blank expression. Her lips slowly pulled into a chilling smile. "I'm sorry." She laughed and placed her hand to her chest. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable."

Alice nodded slowly. "I'm not uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I accidentally looked at you the wrong way."

"It's okay sweetie. You were just surprised that's all."

Alice felt this uncomfortable pang vibrate in her ears every time the blonde called her sweetie. She didn't like it.

The other girl took a few books from her white and black striped bag and placed them on the table. "I think I know why you looked at me like that." She looked down. Her eyes were cold and calculating like she had lost her soul somewhere along the way. "There are so many plain faces in this school that they sometimes blur together. But your plain face..."

"Excuse me." Alice snipped. "Why are you insulting me."

"Sweetie."

"Don't call me sweetie." Alice said with an edge to her voice.

"I'm sorry. _Cupcak_e." She tapped her white polished nails on the desk.

Alice shook her head. She wasn't going to play this game. "You can have this table."

"No. Why are you running?" The blonde asked with troubling hint of excitement in her voice.

Alice decided not to answer her.

"_Jasper Whitlock_. That's how I know you. Now you want to stay don't you?" The girl smiled wickedly.

Alice pulled her purse on her shoulders and quickly stood up.

"Wait! Wait!" The girl exclaimed.

Alice walked quickly. She tore through the throngs of people. The blonde was on her heels. Alice promised herself that she wasn't going to get upset because this girl clearly wanted a reaction. But why? She was dating Jasper. So she already had everything.

"I'm sorry that I unintentionally hurt you. I didn't mean to make you storm out like that. _Princess_." The girl kept pace right behind Alice. "He didn't tell me that you even existed until after we fucked. I know it sucks to be second best but honestly Cupcake you can't hate me because he thought you were an ugly ass fucking slut."

Alice whirled around. The wind swept around her blowing strands of hair into her face. For the first time she actually looked at the girl. The girl was about the same height as her. The girl in black, with the crimson headband, and the cruelest eyes she had seen in her life. There was something tragic about this girl. This girl attacked her for no reason. Clearly she was insecure with herself. She felt threatened which was why she had to attack Alice. To try and bring her down.

The girl smiled wickedly as if she had won. "I fucked him and it was so fucking good. But you know what." The wicked girl took a step closer. "After I rode him I realized how worthless he was to me. For such a hot guy he sure does have a little dick. But do you want to know something else?" She grinned. "And I'm not even talking about his dick."

"No." Alice said slowly. She took a step closer to the girl. "I don't want to hear another word from you."

"What?"

_How could she be such an idiot_?

"You didn't sleep with Jasper."

"Yes I did."

Alice looked down at her. "No you didn't sleep with him. Because he has a soul. And just listening to you...I don't know that much about Jasper, but I do know that he would never..." Alice swallowed searching for the right words. "He would never contaminate himself with someone so repulsive. He's better than that. He's way better than you. I've just talked to you for a few minutes at the most, and already I've seen the ugliest person I have ever seen in my life. Whatever you were trying to accomplish. You failed." Alice said disgust. "Now leave me alone."

The girl balled her fists.

Alice shrugged and walked away with her head held high.

The sun disappeared behind a thick mass of clouds. Darkness was rolling in.

"Alice!" Jasper yelled.

She stopped and looked down the mall towards him. His smile was hopeful even though she had all but ignored him earlier. She felt ridiculous for coming to the assumption that he was dating that blonde. Maybe subconsciously she was just trying to protect her heart. He ran over to her this time, as if to say that he wouldn't allow her to escape again.

"Hey." Jasper waved and then he clumsily slipped over his sneakers. He went crashing into Alice. She smiled and gripped onto his strong arms slicked with sweat. _Where is your grace, agility, and power now_? Alice let go of his arms and wrapped him into a hug. She didn't deserve this hug because she had been so horribly wrong. Jasper smelled like sweat, grass, and soap. Alice closed her eyes and found peace in this embrace. She felt like he could fade away any second until his hands trailed through her hair.

"Jazz did you tell her yet? Did you tell her the _truth_?"

Alice rolled her eyes and leaned away from Jasper. The wicked blonde was still following her. What the fuck was wrong with her? Was she crazy or something? Clearly she was. She had to be.

"Jane." Jasper growled. "Leave. Us. Alone."

Alice risked a glance at _Jan_e from the safety of Jasper's arms. The girl looked like she was on the verge of crying. She looked away sullenly as if she lost the will, and then something dark flickered in her eye. The sky was on fire behind her. Red. Gold. Orange. Wisps of blonde hair danced in Jane's heart shaped face and then she turned back to look at them.

"Did you tell her about you dad?" Jane asked calmly like she was inviting Jasper out for tea.

"Jane." Jasper hissed. There was an underlying pleading tone in his voice.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jane yelled suddenly. "She should know."

Alice pulled out of Jasper's arms. "Leave him alone."

Jane looked at as if she was nothing. "Remember his bruises..." Jane sneered. "Remember how bruised he was! Someone did that to him. He let someone hit him. Like a little _bitch_."

Jasper started to shake. His face reddened. "Stop! Alice don't listen to her. She's lying."

"I'm lying huh? His father beat the shit out of him. Oh he really fucked him up good. He hit him! He hit him! He really fucked him up..."

Alice watched in horror as tears collected in Jasper's eyes. Tears and rage.

Jane laughed but she was also crying. "You're so weak Jasper. You're so fucking weak! I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you!"

Alice's hand shot forward and she slapped Jane soundly across the face.

"Oh shit!" someone yelled. "Sounds like she cracked that bitch's skull!"

Alice's hands stung like livewire was shooting from the tips. She saw stars for a few seconds. Jane looked back at her horrified, and for a second it looked like Jane would either hit her back or start crying. Alice stepped in front of Jasper protectively. "Don't you ever..." she was shaking so badly that she couldn't find the words to finish her threat.

Jane's eyes darkened. "You're going to wish that you didn't do that." With that she quickly walked away holding her hand to her face.

Alice looked down at her hand.

"Alice I'm sorry." Jasper apologized his voice was shaking.

"_No_," she said trying not to think about what Jane said. Alice looked into Jasper's eyes. "Are you okay?"

He remained silent. _He wasn't_.

"I have to go." Jasper went to walk away from her but Alice grabbed his hand.

Thunder rumbled in the sky. For a second the world paused. The world was so dark, and the air was escaping. Something truly terrifying lingered in the air. A haunting silence crippled this maddening world filled with love and hate. Grey and Black skies. Shades of red and blue. Ticking time. Fading Fast. Light dwindling. Peace might not last. Her thoughts were scattered and troubling. Like the deep flush of Jasper's skin contrasted with the troubling sadness in his eyes.

The wind swept his golden hair across his forehead. He was thoughtful and disturbed.

Everything was spinning. We're falling. _We're all falling_. Alice closed her eyes. She released Jasper's fingers, one by one, until nothing held them together. He was free to go. The storm clouds rolled in with force. More thunder. He stayed where he was. "Talk to me. Or if you don't want to talk to me...can I please talk to you? I just need someone to talk to because..." Alice bit her lip. This was so pathetic. "Everything is falling apart and I just need someone to talk to. I'm sorry Jasper. I shouldn't have said anything. You can go."

Jasper's eyes were still sad. But he reached out and he took her hand.

* * *

**Jane's POV**

"What the hell took you so long?" Jane growled as Alec got into her car.

Alec looked back at her apologetically. "I was supposed to meet Edward at McKeldin but he canceled on me again." Alec bit his lip thoughtfully. "I hope he's okay? Because this isn't like him to keep canceling."

"Alec just shut up. I don't want to talk right now!" Jane hissed. Her eyes stung with the treat of tears. Her heart raced uncontrollably and she had no idea how to stop it. She wanted to cry and scream, kick and bleed, and even worse she had this malicious need to hurt Alice Cullen in unspeakable ways. She hurt so much. Jane closed her eyes. That stupid fucking BITCH!

Jane's arms shook. Her clammy hands tightened on the wheel. She felt the hot tears spilling down her cheeks. The tears of defeat. Despite her best intentions the wickedness buried deep inside her soul won. She tried to push Jasper away. She tried but in the end the extreme love she felt for him, the unreasonable love, that was cursed and beautiful in the same breath made her hurt him.

She lashed out and took advantage of him. She had done to him what she had done to so many others. The look on his face. Oh god the look on his face. Jane placed her hand to her mouth. She just wanted to cry. How could she do that to him? How could she! She was a monster. She was disgusting. _Oh god_. Alec looked at her with cautious eyes. Jane didn't want him to see her break down like this. She had to get home. "Don't fucking look at me!" she screamed.

"Jane what's wrong?" Alec asked.

"Don't look at me. Stop! Stop!" she screamed. Jane had to _kill_ these thoughts. She wildly turned the wheel. Alec wasted no time in fumbling for his seatbelt. Oh god she just wanted to die. How could she do that to Jasper. How could she fucking do that to him! Fuck! The tears gushed down her cheeks as she beeped the horn at every student that dared to use the crosswalk. Once she was on Route 1, Jane sped like a demon fleeing the gates of hell. Alec held onto the door with white knuckles.

"Jane _please_ just slow down."

But she didn't see him. She couldn't hear Alec. She was alone. She saw fire. Violent disturbing images. Her parents burning. Being locked in that psych ward against her will. Frowns. Laughter. Cruel people. Wicked thoughts. Love. And then taking that love and setting it on fire. She was a monster. A wicked, despicable human being that just sat back and watched everything burn. She watched as the ashes flew, she danced in those ashes, laughing at all the pain. She was a _bitch_. A cold calculating bitch. Jane started to cry again. Her shoulders heaved weakly. How could she do that? How could she be so cruel to _Jasper_?

She slammed her foot down on the gas pedal in desperate need to get away. They were on 95 now. Jane didn't care. She didn't care about anything at all. Nothing. No one. She hated them all. She hated everything. Hate was safer than love. It hurt less. And of all the things she hated, she hated Alice Cullen the most. Jane's face twisted. She hated her! She fucking hated that stupid bitch.

Jane couldn't even see the road. Thunder rumbled in the sky. Darkness. Everything was Dark. Violent and Lost. She'd cut out her heart if that was the only way to get rid of this love, this disgusting love that monopolized her and turned her into this person.

"Jane!" Alec yelled. "Stop!" he cried.

"I hate her!" Jane screamed back at him. But what she really meant was _I hate myself_. She wasn't Alice. And she never could be her. She didn't have a smile that could incite joy in Jasper, and she was far from pretty. Jane was less than everything he wanted. Less than he deserved. Even with all this reason she still felt so much hate and anger.

A large truck moved at a deathly slow pace up ahead. Jane swerved wildly to the right. All she saw were red lights. Red lights everywhere. People slammed on their breaks. The sky was so dark. The world was blackening out. This was the final night. The end of everything. The sea of angry red lights brought her back down. They were angry and they were watching her...watching her and laughing.

The wind whipped through her hair. The top was down. She felt like she was flying. The road was hers. Jane swung into the left lane. Her problems were so far behind her now. They were gone. Jasper and Alice. All that pain. Everything. They were behind her. It was okay if she hurt him. It was fucking okay. Because he HURT her! All she ever wanted to do was help him. She wanted to fix him. She wanted to love him. But he rejected her. He choose Alice and he kicked her aside like she was trash.

She HATED him. Stupid Jasper. Stupid fucking Jasper. She hated him!

Something truly wicked crept into her thoughts. She had seen it before. But this time the scene played out differently. There was a little boy and a shadow man locked in a room with faces. Faces depicting love, lies, heartbreak, sadness, joy, death. She was in the room with the little boy and the shadow man...that evil man who loomed at least eight feet tall with red eyes and sharp teeth. The man who wanted to hurt the little boy with the golden hair and the frightened blue eyes.

Jasper. In her dreams that little boy was Jasper. The man. That devilish man was standing over him. He was so tall and Jasper was so small. In her dreams Jane watched in horror as the wicked man struck Jasper repeatedly. She used to wake up screaming at the top of her lungs. _No_! Leave him alone! He's just a kid. Leave him alone! Get your filthy hands off of him! Don't touch him...don't touch him. Please stop hurting Jasper. And then it would stop.

The little boy. Jasper would be left scared and confused on the floor. His arms wrapped tightly around his small body, and she would hold him in her arms. She would keep him safe from this cruel world. She would protect him with her life...her honor...her love. But now as she sped down 95, narrowly avoiding trucks and pain, her nightmares, took a different course. The wicked man was back. He was beating Jasper again; he was so vicious and cruel. Jasper cried out in pain.

Stop. Leave him alone. Please? Don't hurt him.

But when she looked across the room she saw Alice Cullen. She was the only light in this dark horrific room, and Jane was in the dark, watching with tears in her eyes, wanting and needing to feel less. Less pain. Less love. More hate.

Jasper's face twisted in pain. Jane felt afraid for him. She wanted to save him. She wanted to. But something kept her in the background. Something kept her from moving. It was the darkness. She kept watching until she felt nothing at all. Eventually the man, the wicked shadow, with the red eyes and sharp teeth stopped his assault, and Jasper was on the ground. He was dead. And she felt...she felt...

"_Ahh_!" Alec hollered. "Jane please!"

She yanked the wheel hard to the right and the tires spun wildly. Smoke clouded the night air, and the car stopped abruptly in front of a sign.

"Jane what the fuck!" Alec cried. "You stupid fucking bitch! You stupid fucking bitch..."

Jane bowed her head and brought her hands to her eyes. Tears fell but she started to laugh. Not because this was funny, but because something was wrong. She imagined Jasper's father killing him and she did nothing. She did nothing! Jane threw her head back and laughed like a crazy woman bleeding on the inside.

_When you keep things inside the pain eats away at you. Your skeleton's starting to show. _

"You almost killed us and you think this is funny!" Alec cried.

"It's all falling apart Alec." Jane said slowly. "Everything. It's happening again. Time it's running out. I feel it. _I feel it_."

Alec looked away from her angrily. His chest rose up and down slowly. "You almost killed us. Obviously something is wrong." He spoke slowly as if she was incapable of understanding the magnitude of her actions.

"What _isn't_ wrong with me?" she whispered. A few moments ago it felt like absolutely nothing mattered. Not her life. Not her brother's life. Nothing. But now she saw the horror in his eyes. The look that questioned her sanity. The same look her Uncle Aro gave her before he shipped her off to the psych ward.

Irrevocably damaged.

"You drive." Jane said softly. "I can't anymore. I just _can't_."

* * *

**Long Island, New York**

**8****th**** grade**

_Jane spread out the cheerleading uniform on her bed. She couldn't believe that she actually made the team. There was a knock on the door. "Come in," she called. The door creaked open and Alec poked his smiling face inside. His blonde hair glowed in the effervescent white light that filled the room. "I made the team." She gushed._

_ "I see." Alec gave her a thumbs up of approval. "Jane I was wondering if you could help me with something."_

_ "Sure. What's up?"_

_ Alec pulled a box of hair dye from behind his back. "I thought I would try something new?"_

_ "You want to change your hair color? I like your blonde hair." Jane said grabbing a fistful of his bangs._

_ Alec swatted her hands away. "Well I don't."_

_ She bit her lip slightly offended. "Did you ask mom and dad?"_

_ "Ask them?" Alec frowned. "Why would I ask them? I'm old enough to make my own decisions, and we're going to high school next year. I want a change. I want to try something new and it's not a big deal. So will you help me or not?"_

_ "Um sure?"_

_ "Thanks sis." Alec walked into her bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and racked his hands through his golden shag._

_ Jane took the time to read the instructions. About thirty minutes later the dark brown hair dye washed down the sink, swirling in a mesmerizing circle around the drain before it was swallowed down into the dark abyss. Jane grabbed a towel and dried Alec's hair. "Wow," she said as she stared back at the new boy in front of her._

_ Alec smiled. "How do I look?"_

_ "You look like someone else."_

_ "Sweet." Alec took the towel from her hands and ran it through his hair. The sunlight followed him onto Jane's bed. _

_ She took a seat beside him. Her eyes remained on his new hair do. The light in his eyes had disappeared and he now looked troubled by something. Did he already regret dying his hair "Allie what's wrong?"_

_ "I hate when you call me that." He said with a soft smile. "It's no better than when I call you Janey remember?"_

_ Jane smiled and nodded slowly. "Memo to me. Stop calling you Allie."_

_ Alec racked his hands through his hair. "There is something that I want to tell you. I've wanted to tell you for a while but I couldn't because..." He looked down and a dark strand fell in his eyes. "I'm seeing someone."_

_ Jane's eyes widened. "What? Really?" she clapped her hands. "Yay."_

_ Alec's lips tightened. "I wouldn't celebrate just yet." He balled his fists. "It's not just anyone."_

_ Jane's eyebrows furrowed. "Is it an older woman?"_

_ "That's the problem." He clutched his fists. "It isn't a woman Jane. I'm in a relationship with a guy."_

_ It took a few moments for the news to sink in. Alec was gay? Before she could speak he started to cry._

_ "I know you probably hate me now. Because you might think it's sick and disgusting like mom and dad most likely will." He buried his face in his hands. "I just needed to tell someone. And since we're so close I thought I could trust you."_

_ "Alec..." Jane speechlessly pulled herself up. "I um..." his shoulders heaved. She couldn't find the right words fast enough so Jane pulled him into a tight hug. Alec stopped crying shortly after she hugged him._

_ "Do you still love me?" he asked._

_ Jane's blonde hair tangled in with strands of his dark hair as she pulled away. "Alec of course I still love you!"_

_ He kept her body close to his in a tight hug. "I want you to meet him."_

_ "But Alec I just found out about this. Don't you want to talk first?"_

_ "We can talk. I want that." He held Jane's hand. "But I want him to meet my amazing sister first. Thanks for accepting me. It means everything to me." Alec wiped at the last of his tears. "He's on his way Jane." _

* * *

**Alice's POV**

Alice stepped into her dorm and closed the door. Bella was sitting at her desk and jotting down notes. Alice took a seat on Bella's bed. "Is it okay if Jasper comes over for a little bit?"

"Jasper?" Bella sat up interested. "I thought you had hopped off the Jasper train in search for another southern cowboy? What did he do to bring about the change of heart?"

"I was wrong." Alice confessed vaguely. "I'll fill you in later. I promise."

Bella nodded in understanding. "Jasper can come over here whenever he wants. Do you need me to leave so you crazy kids can have some space?"

"No."

"Alice?" Bella said seriously. "Hot southern boy in your room. You would be crazy not to take advantage of the situation. And besides it's the shy boys that you have to watch out for. Because shy boys are the nastiest."

Despite her current mood Alice managed a small smile. That didn't sound like a typical Bella statement. "And how would you be privy to that kind of information?"

"I'm not but Emmett is." Bella slid on her flip-flops. "I'll leave you two lovebirds be."

"Bells."

"Yes Allie."

"I want to go talk to Edward first. So do you think you could stay here with Jazz until I come back. I know it's asking a lot but I would really appreciate it."

Bella raised her hand silencing Alice. "I'll do my best at awkward conversation."

"Thank you." Alice gave Bella a tight hug.

"Tell Edward I said hi okay?" Bella said.

Alice nodded. "I will." She went to the door where Jasper was waiting patiently. "I'll be right back Jazz."

He nodded. Jasper hadn't said much to her since their confrontation with psycho Jane. Alice was still disturbed by the whole situation, but she had other pressing matters commanding her attention, specifically Edward. He was all that mattered. She walked in a cloud of thoughts to the boy's dorm room.

Alice knocked on the door, her eyes scanned over their dry erase board.

**Ed loves Jake more than cheesecake!**

She paused and a smile crossed her face. That had to be the cheesiest thing she ever heard, but it made her smile because _Edward _wrote that.

"It's open!" Jacob yelled.

Alice stepped inside still smiling. Her smile fell when she saw the tent. "What the hell?"

Jacob poked his head outside. "Oh hey Alice."

"Hey?"

"I can explain. Come in." Jacob said.

Alice laughed a little as she ducked inside. She saw Edward slouched against a pillow. "It smells like General Tso's chicken in here."

"Cause we have some on tap." Jacob arched his eyebrows. "You're welcome to the buffet if you haven't eaten dinner yet."

"No thanks Jake." Alice went over to Edward and lightly touched his shoulder. "Hey you."

"Hey," He sat up and gave her a hug.

She rubbed his back. "Did you eat something? How are you sleeping? You look so tired."

"Yes and yes. Mom." He said softly.

Alice's mouth dropped a little. "_Mom_." Edward looked away because obviously he didn't want her to carry on the joke. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"No it's okay. It's not your fault. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me." Edward said.

"Do you guys need some time alone?" Jacob asked.

"No we don't." Alice folded her legs underneath her. Edward closed his eyes so all she could see was the pale lavender coloring of his eyelids. "I just wanted to check up on my brother that's all." Alice felt sad because Edward still didn't want to talk. When would he be ready? It had been three weeks. "I guess I'll go Edward."

"I love you Alice." He said out of the blue. Edward opened his eyes, and she stared into the green deepness. "We'll talk tomorrow I promise. And I'll watch back-to-back Audrey Hepburn movies with you. I'll even choose them. _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ and _Funny Face_."

At least he was trying. That was better than nothing at all.

"Just having you talk to me is _enough_." She said honestly. "I don't care about blocks of Audrey Hepburn movies. I just miss talking to you." Alice felt the threat of tears.

Edward nodded and closed his eyes again. "Tomorrow we'll talk."

Alice gave him a parting kiss on the cheek. "Jake can I talk to you for a second?" she whispered.

Jacob nodded. "I'll be right back Ed Monkey."

After one last look at her twin brother Alice walked out into the hallway. Jacob closed the door behind him.

"So how is he?"

Jacob nodded slowly. "He's doing...better."

"Is he at least talking to you?"

"A little."

Alice exhaled.

"So how about you? How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"Yes you're the only other person in the hall with me Allie."

She laughed. "I'm just great." Alice thought about Jane and she shook her head. "It's just one of those days where you know tomorrow has to be better...it just has to be."

"Hugs are free you know."

Jacob's comment took her off guard. She wasn't expecting him to offer a hug. But how could she not accept. Jacob was so light. Alice smiled and accepted Jacob's hug. He made her feel like everything was going to be okay. _Almost_.

"Sorry that took so long." Alice apologized as she took a seat on her bed.

"That's okay." Jasper said softly.

Alice gave him a small smile. "Can I get you anything. Water? Juice?"

"No no I'm good."

Alice swallowed. "I'm sure you're tired." Her eyes wandered over his tee shirt, yellow soccer socks, and mesh shorts. "All that physical exertion." She wasn't making any sense. "FYI my communication skills really suck right now."

"Mine always suck." Jasper whispered. His cheeks reddened and he looked down at her comforter. "Alice..." He closed his eyes. "I'm really sorry about Jane. I'm embarrassed that she did that to you."

"Don't apologize for her." Alice watched as pale blue lightening flashed outside. "The rain is probably going to start soon."

Jasper frowned.

"You can stay here if you like."

"I um..."

"You have before. It's not your first time Jasper."

"Alice I stink."

"I guess soccer will do that to you." Alice nodded. "But I have a quick fix." She went over to her closet. A pink boa fell down from her top shelf.

"Woah...what is that." Jasper asked turning towards her.

Alice wrapped it around her neck and did a little twirl. "Part of my Halloween costume last year." She promptly busied herself with finding something for Jasper to wear. "l have some mesh shorts that I stole from Edward." Alice dived deeper into the closet. "And you need a shirt. Ah. Here we go." Alice handed the items to Jasper.

"_Miss Fierce_?" He said reading the print on the shirt.

"Don't knock the shirt. It's cozy wear and the shirt swallows me like a moo moo so it should give you more than enough room to wiggle in." Alice's cheeks warmed.

"Moo moo." Jasper rolled the word off his tongue. He smiled. "I can't imagine you in a moo moo."

"Don't even try to imagine it. Because I would never wear that shirt out of the house." Alice brought her hands to her nose. "_Lord_ Jasper. I think my stink-o-meter is picking up hair raising whiffs from your sewer socks!"

Jasper flushed. "Sewer socks? Watch it pink boa."

She took a seat next to him and crossed her legs. His socks didn't smell. "Don't knock the boa. Why don't you go shower first since you _are _staying."

"Well if I do stay then I'm sleeping on the floor." Jasper insisted. "I don't want you to fuss over me."

"I'll fuss as much as I want." She smiled and looked down. "You should shower in the boys bathroom because I live with some freaky girls and they would just love to attack you in the shower. And not to mention the RA. She bites, she barks, foams at the mouth. She'd totally lose it if she heard about you in the girls' bathroom and I value both our lives."

"Thank you Alice," Jasper said gesturing the clothes towards her.

"Of course." She thought about Jasper's bruises and then Jane's comment about his dad doing that to him. She couldn't will herself to think any further about anyone hurting Jasper because it seemed so impossible. He was strong and fearless. And not to mention he wanted to be a _soldier_. But deep down Alice knew that Jasper definitely was keeping something from her.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

"Here's the book selection for the night. I went to the library and rented these gems. _The Little Engine that Could_, _Goodnight Moon_, and _Charlotte's Web_. You choose which one you want me to read to you."

My eyelids felt heavy. _Children's books_. Jacob really was willing to try anything to cheer me up. "_Charlotte's Web_." I answered. Esme used to read that to Alice and I when we were younger "I feel a lot better." I said softly. "For now at least." I leaned away from the comfort of Jacob's arms and crawled to the edge of the tent. "I have to use the bathroom I'll be right back."

Before I could leave Jacob pulled me back to him and tightened my shirt in his fist. His nose lightly brushed mine and then I felt his lips. I smiled reveling in the warmness of his mouth pressed against mine, and the friction of his tongue as he flicked it across my lips. I felt like he was breathing life back into me. I tightened my grip on his back wanting to keep him close. Jacob was reanimating a zombie, a zombie who had been walking the earth for weeks. It saw no light just impenetrable darkness. In this second everything felt okay. "I'll be right back." I promised against his lips.

"Don't you go trying to find some sunflower fields to run into." Jacob jabbed his finger into my chest. "Cause if you do. I _will_ find you."

I smiled softly. I didn't want to take a mental trip back to Georgia or the sunflower fields. I just wanted to be here with Jacob in this tent, with children books, in our imaginary world that was so safe despite all the shadows waiting just beyond the light. I entwined my fingers in his just wanting to feel his touch one last time.

He kissed me again on the lips. This kiss was bittersweet. I crawled out of the tent and made my way into the bathroom. Someone else was in there. I nodded at the guy without really looking at him.

"Hey Edward." He sounded cautious.

I paused and actually looked at Jasper this time. "Oh hey Jazz."

There was an uncomfortable silence between us.

"I um just wanted to apologize for the last run in we had." Jasper's cheeks flushed. "I was a little out of it. So I'm sorry if I freaked you out."

"No it's okay. I wasn't freaked." I said dismissively. "Are you hanging out with Alice now?" _Well obviously because he wasn't here to hang out with me_.

"Yeah we're hanging out."

"Good." I said absently.

"Good?" Jasper repeated. He swallowed and looked away because he clearly didn't mean to say that aloud.

"Even though I'm in no position to talk about relationships and stuff..."

"Actually you're in a good position." Jasper volunteered. "You and Jake look like ya'll got the whole relationship thing down pat."

My cheeks warmed. _That was nice of him_. "What I meant to say is that Alice...she likes you and I know that you like her too. You seem like a good guy. But I'll always feel this push to protect her because she's my..." I paused. She was _still_ my sister. Nothing changed. I balled my fist and diverted my train of thought. "I can't always read you Jasper."

"And I can't always read you either." Jasper returned looking into my eyes.

I took a step closer to him. "If you want to tell my sister how you feel then what are you waiting for? Alice doesn't give up on anything easily but for some reason you're an exception. Tell her that you like her. Stop waiting. Because the longer you wait the worse it gets. She'll have moved on by then...and I doubt I'll approve of any other guy."

I looked down. I wanted Alice to be happy. Especially with everything that was going on now. She deserved a bright spot. Something to hope for. Someone to love. And looking into Jasper's eyes now I could see that he deserved the same things. He wasn't strange. In some ways he seemed to be just like me. Reserved. Tortured to a degree. And cautious about letting strangers in. Maybe that was why he freaked out when he saw me that night, because I made him see himself.

"I love her Edward." Jasper said regaining his confidence. "And I respect you because you're her twin brother. You have every right to look out for her. But I would never do anything to harm Alice. And the only reason I'm telling you this is because one day when the time is right, if she'll still have me, I want to be more than just a friend." Jasper managed a small smile and looked down. "I lose all my common sense when I'm around her. I trip and fall. And one time I even forgot how old I was."

"How old are you?" I tested trying to make him smile.

"Nineteen. You don't have the same effect on me that she does." Jasper returned my grin.

"Well I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing...thanks for the bathroom chat." I said.

Jasper extended his hand.

I looked towards the stall.

He blushed. "Oh yeah. I guess the bathroom isn't the best place for a handshake."

"Whatever." I said giving my hand to Jasper. Maybe this could be the start of a new friendship.

* * *

**Alice's POV**

Jasper stepped back into the dorm room. His hair was damp and framed his face. She could smell her vanilla and sugar body wash on his skin. The candles around the room created a wan glow on his handsome features. Jasper took a seat on the floor beside her. She wondered why he insisted on taking the floor. Was he afraid that she might attack him because he was so darn cute? Alice accidentally thought about Jane. _Uh_.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked.

"You."

"Me?"

Alice nodded. "Why not?" Her heart stopped when Jasper looked down and smiled shyly. She knew that smile was reserved for her alone. Jasper was so adorable.

"I saw your twin in the bathroom."

"Edward." Alice said taking in a breath.

"Yeah? You seem bothered by that." Jasper's cheeks reddened. "He probably won't like the idea of me staying over here again."

"No." Alice shook her head. "Edward's protective but mostly with guys he doesn't like. If you had a sister I'm sure you would be the same way." She looked down. "Did he say anything to you?"

"Yes. He was really nice."

"Great." Alice could tell that Jasper's eyes were full of questions. This conversation probably confirmed in his head that Edward didn't like him. She wanted to ease his worries. "We've just had a lot of family drama going on lately."

"Sorry to hear that." Jasper said simply, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that he was willing to listen to whatever she had to say. "I have all night. You can talk to me as long as you want. I don't need sleep."

Alice couldn't help but to smile. "What do you mean you don't need sleep? Everyone needs sleep."

He shrugged. "When I need sleep I eat a Snickers bar."

Alice laughed. "And how are those two things equivalent?"

"In my world they are."

Alice stared up at the white Christmas lights fringed around the room. "This is the first time in weeks that I've felt like myself. Thanks for bringing me back to Earth. 'Cause Pluto really sucks ass."

"Pluto." Jasper whispered. "Things were that bad?"

"Yeah they were. What about you Jasper? Where were you?"

Jasper took a second to think and then his blue eyes fixed on her. "Jupiter. Storms galore."

Alice reached out. Jasper looked at her hand and then he scooted a little closer and their fingers entwined. His hands were rough in contrast to her soft touch. Alice closed her other hand over his. Even though a looming storm was raging outside the window she felt peace. They were two people colliding in this crazy world. Two hearts. Two souls. Wanting. Needing to find someone else to lean on. Her skin tingled. This felt so right. So right that she just wanted to cry because this closeness, this connection had been what she wanted all semester.

"I can listen to you too." Alice offered quietly. "I'm a good listener. You can tell me anything, and I promise I'll keep your secrets safe."

Jasper closed his eyes. "I don't really have anything to..." His eyebrows furrowed. "I'm sorry Alice. I can't do this right now." He pulled his hand back and turned away from her.

Her mouth dropped. "Jasper?" Alice nearly fell off the bed trying to get to him. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm sorry I just wanted you to know that if you ever...oh god now I'm stammering."

"Like _me_." Jasper said looking over his shoulder. He smiled softly. "You're stammering like me. I'm sorry that I'm a coward. Cowering away from you like this."

"You're not cowering." Alice said softly. She stood up and placed her hand on Jasper's back. "This is a safe zone okay."

"A safe zone?" He asked.

"Yeah." Alice said softly. "Is that too unbelievably cheesy or something?"

"No it's not cheesy at all. Whenever I'm around you it feels safe. You just have that effect on me...but you just surprised me because you sound so much like my brother."

"You have a brother?"

Jasper looked down. "Well he's not my _blood_ brother. But in every other meaning of the word Riley is my brother and you remind me of him. A prettier version of him."

Alice blinked and looked down. She saw the candlelight dance in an enchanting luminescence on her skin. Alice felt bare. Just hearing the word brother made her think about everything that had happened to her. The _insanity_ that she needed to share with someone.

"If you don't want to talk do you mind if I sound off?" Alice dared to say aloud.

"Sure." Jasper said.

Alice nodded slowly. Her dark hair fell in her eyes. "I'm just going to jump into it because it'll be easier that way. I went home over Spring Break and found out some really upsetting news." Alice bit her lip. "My parents they told me that..." Tears welled in her eyes. It was so startling how quickly her mood could change. A few seconds ago she had been on top of the world and now...now she felt like everything was crumbling again.

"I found out that Edward was adopted. We're not twins. My parent's lied to us our whole lives, and still I can't even understand why. Just saying it out loud should make it feel more real, but it still feels like a lie. This big, explosive, damaging lie and I don't even know where to start when it comes to dealing with this. Because I feel so sad, and not only for me, because it really hurts when you thought one thing all your life and then all of a sudden you're told something else."

"It's not just something you can accept. And that should be the worst part of this. But there was more." Alice closed her eyes. "They told us who Edward's mother is. We knew her. We watched her die of cancer and even then they never told us. Elizabeth Masen. She was...she is his mom and we never knew." Alice placed her hands to her face. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry."

"Elizabeth Masen?"

"That's his mom's name." Alice looked up through teary eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing I just..." Jasper took Alice's hands in his. "That's a lot. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I can't even imagine your pain." Jasper closed his eyes. "Your parents lied. But...that doesn't mean you and Edward have to suffer."

Alice looked into his eyes.

"Every birthday you guys shared together. Every moment. All the times he protected you. And every single second of every single day when you looked at him and saw your twin is still yours. That is your memories. That is your moments. No one can take them away. So I know it hurts." Jasper's hands started to shake. "I never had any blood siblings but my brother Riley...I'll always have a special place in my heart for him and no one can take that love away. I love him. And I know this sounds stupid but Alice..."

"Edward is your brother. He is. And he will always be. You didn't _lose_ him." He closed his eyes. "When I was younger I didn't really know what it felt like to lose anything." Jasper swallowed. "I just remember one day finding my mom packing all her bags by the door. In that moment I knew she was leaving. I just felt it." Jasper grabbed his shirt. "I begged her not to go. I asked her to stay. I pleaded. I remember grabbing a suitcase and dragging it into a corner...and she left the suitcase and me. She just left and she hasn't tried to contact me since."

Alice placed her hands to her mouth.

"No. You don't have to be sorry for me. She did what was best for her. And I can't hate her for that but my point is Edward will never go off and find another family. You're his family. And even if you feel betrayed by your parents you two should get together and just remember what you mean to each other...because you'll never find another person that loves you the way Edward does. It's rare. It's pure. He's your brother. And I'm sorry for rambling. I just saw you crying and I wanted to make you feel better and I probably..."

Alice leaned forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Jasper. "I think I just need to cry." She sobbed. "I just need to cry really hard and just let it go. Because what you said is all true. I still love Edward just as much as I did before I found out this. But still..._Elizabeth_. She died before he could even find out the truth. And that's so tragic to me." Alice looked down. "And she just left him with us. Elizabeth left Edward. Just like your mom...just like your mom left you."

Jasper bit the inside of his cheek so hard that it bled.

"Thanks for sharing that with me Jasper. I know it was hard to share that." She nodded slowly and smiled through her tears. "Whenever I get sad I'm going to think about your words. I'm sorry that your mom left you." She looked down. "Jasper, I just want you to know that you don't have to hide out. There is a place for you here. Whenever you feel alone, or stressed or happy. Whatever you're feeling you have a support system right here."

"Thank you." He whispered. He looked like he was deep in thought about something. Alice wondered what it was.

"Jazz?"

"Yes?"

Alice closed her eyes as she pulled him into a hug. He didn't resist. Her heart raced, but she ignored it. "Just like bruises, scars heal. You just have to believe in the end through all this darkness that there will be light. That's what we've got to believe to keep going. Tonight." She yawned. "Tonight we're looking for light."

"Light," Jasper whispered.

"We'll find it." Alice finished for him. He rested his chin on top of her held and held her tighter to him.

* * *

**Jane's POV**

_Dear Diary_,

_Love. _

_ My heart swings on a pendulum and you are holding the chain. I imagine that being loved by someone as beautiful as you is like dying for five seconds and getting to walk around Heaven. Loving you is dancing in the clouds. It's running through the snow as it touches my cheek. Loving you is a romantic dream. A sweet escape. The one thing I crave. Oh please don't let this love be forever unrequited. Because with the absence of hope my heart would just stop. Time would cease to exist. _

_ I'm not quite sure what to say about love. It's such a crazy emotion. It makes you happy, it makes you sad, it makes you wish for the most impossible things. Love. My heart breaks when I think about him. When I'm standing in a crowd of one hundred people I imagine that he sees me, and only me. I imagine that his eyes pass over a million girls, but something about me, makes his heart stop. I imagine that he's thought about approaching me, and that he longs to hear the music of my voice. Because I hear his. And his song is beautiful. It's the hum of a bumblebee, the soft falling petal of a rose. His love pricks me like a thorn. This sweet agonizing love._

_ Love. I long for it. I am a slave to it. I am a slave to the hope that one day he will look at me, and all his dreams and aspirations would include me. I'm not a real cheerleader. I have no desire to be popular. I just want to be loved. And if I have to put on a uniform and cheer the loudest out of any girl just to catch his eye. I will. Love is worth the sacrifice, and the threat of rejection. Will Summers. I love you. Please love me too._

_Jane Ambrosio_

_Jane heard muffled discussion coming from downstairs. Alec's new boyfriend was here. She wished that they had talked a little longer before he brought him over. Jane couldn't understand why Alec was so scared to tell her this. They were close. Closer than anything. But yet he was scared? That made her sad. Jane looked down at her journal. The longer she looked at it, the more apparent it became that she was just doing this because of Will. The cheerleading. Trying to climb the social ladder. It was desperate and a little sad, but she had to make Will notice her. _

_ She closed her eyes and shook her head in embarrassment. Jane allowed one moment to think about the other day at school when Will had watched her. She was walking into school with Alec, and Will was leaning against the locker, watching her. She had ignored him but inside her heart was going crazy. Jane ran her hands through her blonde hair. Enough. Alec was waiting downstairs. She said that she would meet his friend, so she was going to keep her promise. Jane hoped that Alec would talk to her after this._

_ She stood up and walked out into the hallway. Family portraits hung on the walls. Jane and Alec in black and white. The whole family. Baby pictures. Everything was in the main hall. Jane traced her hand along the winding stairs as she walked down into the sunlit foyer. She heard laughter. Her nerves were on edge. Jane put on a smile. The biggest smile she could muster. The 'Alec I support you through anything and everything' smile. The fan was on in the kitchen. Jane's hand lingered on the doorframe as she peered inside. Her smile. It faltered and then it fell. Jane's eyebrows furrowed. Horror. Unspeakable horror. No? No. Wait. This wasn't right._

_ Alec had Will...her Will against the kitchen counter. Alec was leaned into him. His nose pressed against the side of Will's face and his lips were on his cheek. Jane felt her whole world drop. She gasped. No. No. No. Alec turned away from Will. He smiled in relief._

_ "Jane you came down...what's wrong?"_

_ Jane closed her eyes and shook her head. "No." This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening._

_ "No what?" Alec asked in confusion. _

_ Jane looked at Will. He looked back at her completely unaffected by the heartbroken look in her eyes. In fact the longer she looked at him in horror, the darker his green eyes became. Finally Will looked away._

_ "Jane?" Alec said stepping closer._

_ Tears stung her eyes. Alec reached out to touch her. "No. Don't touch me."_

_ "Jane?" Alec asked confused._

_ A sob escaped her throat. Why was she crying? Oh no. Why? She had to stop. Will didn't know her. He never loved her. He was the boy Alec was in love with. Oh how cruel this was. Tears gushed down her cheeks. Unreasonable tears as she ran up the stairs two at a time. Alec ran after her. She slammed the door in his face and locked it. Why was she crying? This was stupid! It was stupid! It was so dumb. But it hurt. Alec. Alec and Will. She couldn't believe it. _

_ But he didn't know. Alec didn't know. But if only she told him. Jane clasped her hands over her mouth. Alec pathetically knocked on the door._

_ "Jane please open the door." He begged. _

_ She didn't want him to see her like this. Jane ran over to her bed and pulled out her diary from its hiding place. In a mad frenzy she ripped out the pages. Every word. Every page dried with wasted ink on love, and changing herself just to get noticed. All the foolishness. All the pain! _

_ She tore. Ripped. Pulled. The world spun in a maddening daze around her. Tiny bits of paper fell from the decimated diary. Love. Hate. Blackness. Light. Fear. Madness. Love. It hurt. But why? She had no claim to Will. But then she thought about Alec's lips pressed tightly against Will's and she felt disgusted. Even if Alec didn't know how she felt about Will. How could he!_

_ She hated him. She hated him! _

_ Jane collapsed onto the floor crying in a sea of shredded pages._

"Uncle Aro I'm really sorry to bother you but this is an _emergency_." Alec said into the receiver. He stood in the dark kitchen at their home in Finksburg. Light shined in through the window, but Alec was still in the dark. "No she's okay...she just. I'm worried about her. She's been acting erratically lately and I'm scared..." Alec's voice quivered.

In the seconds of silence all Jane heard was the ticking of the clock.

_Tick_.

Jane's eyes narrowed as she glared at her brother's back. The haunting moonlight shined in on the sharp silver glint of a kitchen knife. Alec was cutting tomatoes for his salad. Jane could see red juice dripping onto the floor. _Betrayal_. This cold feeling like ice water had been poured down her back invaded her body. How could Alec do this to her? Calling Aro was like slapping handcuffs on her and shipping her back to that mental institution in New York. Her lips formed into a hard line as she listened to him. She balled her fist.

Jane regretted her actions. She regretted scaring Alec in the car. Even if the exhilaration and the brief pleasure of staring death in the face made her feel more than she had felt in days. She wasn't crazy. She was just...messed up.

"No Aro...just let me handle it okay? At least until finals. I think she'll be okay again. I just..." Alec sighed audibly and then bowed his head. "She started acting like this when she met Jasper. He's this really nice guy that she's taken an interest in. No. I don't know how intense her feelings are for him. No Aro. I think she's more of a danger to herself than to him. Don't call her crazy. She's my sister. Maybe I made a mistake in calling you." He raised his voice.

Jane felt hot tears sting her eyes. Aro would just ship her away again in a second. He didn't need to ask any questions. He would just do it. She couldn't bear to here anymore of the conversation. No one wanted her. Absolutely no one. Even Alec. She was a disease upon this earth. A blemish. Her one light in this dark storm was failing her. Even Alec was giving up. She finally wore him down too. _Sadness_. She felt unbearable sadness. A light above her head flickered ominously. Shadows loomed on the walls. Jane felt a chill. She paused and looked around. Alec was still talking in the kitchen. His voice was lower now so she couldn't hear anything.

The grandfather clock in the den sounded throughout the house. Jane started to walk up the stairs again. She walked slowly. Her hands dragged along the banister. Her pain was folding in on itself, and she was actively harnessing other emotions. Because pain, feeling vulnerable, was worse than anything else she had ever experienced. Hatred. That was safe. Hatred. That was good.

The best intentions. _Fuck the best intentions_. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. Tears stung her eyes. _Tears and mascara_. She was a mess of tears and mascara. Violent lightening ricocheted through the black night sky. Dangerous volts of electricity. Angry. Highly deadly volts of sheer energy. Her thoughts slipped further and further away. She was a speck disappearing in the sea of black. The water crushed through her glass windows and swept her off her feet. Down. Down. Further Down.

Red.

All this anger. All this hate. The waves were dragging her under. She didn't fight it. She was tired of always being the last. She was bone tired. The last to be loved. The last to be understood. _The last to be loved_. Jasper. He had been the star that had shined like a smiling face in this empty stretch of nothingness. But he was gone. And so was Alec.

She wondered how much pain it took for someone to go mad. Maybe she was always there knocking at the door of sanity. _Crazy_. Everyone already diagnosed her. The blackest thoughts filled her mind. Foolish girl. She wasn't going to be that girl anymore. She was going to kill that girl. She was going to purge the weakness. Purge it. Drown it. Kill it. Jane picked up the red paint. She thought about Jasper again. Violent light shook the room. Thunder cracked in her ears.

Red Paint. Red Bleeding Heart.

The muscles in her arms burned. She was hungry to release this. Get rid of it. Shut up the pain. Shut it up. Release it. Okay. Okay. You're fine. Just fine. In a wild spin Jane released her emotions onto the glowing canvas, illuminated with monsters on the walls. The shadows were laughing. They were laughing at her. In the back of her head she saw Alice. Miss Perfect was laughing.

"I won!" Alice said.

_I won. I took your happiness. You aren't good enough for him. He thinks your crazy just like everyone else. Ugly. Stupid. Girl. _

She lost again. She _lost_.

Alice Cullen and her perfect smile. Her perfect brother. Her perfect life. And then Alice was replaced with Alec. He was standing with Edward and Alice while she stood alone watching him betray her. He didn't have a white halo any more...his halo was black.

_Liar._

Jane lost herself to the frenzy pulsing through her veins. Until finally the paint was all gone, and not only was she covered in red, but so were the walls and the plastic covering over the carpet. Red like bloodshed. And she felt nothing...absolutely nothing.

Jane saw a shadow block the light in her room. _Alec_. He stood there for a few moments. The grandfather clock sounded again like a haunting melody. A song from a funeral. The end was near. She could feel it. Something really bad was going to happen. Alec's boots continued to eclipse the light.

Tick. Tick. Tick. _Slower_. Heartbeat. Tick.

He stood there for a little while longer and then he walked towards his room. His footsteps echoed on the floor as he walked away. Alec closed his door. Jane thought she heard him cry. But she still felt nothing. He was crying because of her. The lightning flashed and she stared in a dead glare at the blood red walls. Jane looked down at her hands. Red paint was caked on her hands.

_Monster_.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

Sunlight slowly flooded the room. The gold glow captured the dark corners of Jacob's desk and made it light. More sun filtered in through the blinds illuminating Jacob's face. I sat up a little and rested my hand against my cheek. I was awake. I had been awake for a while now. Watching. Thinking. Reflecting. He looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to disturb his peaceful slumber. But I had to.

"Jake." I whispered in his ear.

Jacob moaned sleepily and turned his head away from me. I smiled and rested my hand lightly on his chest. I blew softly inside his ear. Jacob's dark eyebrows furrowed and he swatted softly at my nose. His fingers swept across my cheeks as if he was just waking and realizing that I wasn't part of his dream. I sat back and watched the faces he made as he stirred awake.

"Morning sleepy head." I said quietly.

"Ed?" He yawned. Jacob stretched out his arms.

I flattened my body against the wall to give him some space.

"Did you sleep at all baby?"

"I did."

"You're lying." Jacob pulled the covers up around my shoulders. "Come back to bed."

"I'm already in bed."

"_Back to sleep_. You know what I mean. Don't be a smart ass." Jacob smiled crookedly. "C'mon you know you want to give in soon. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep." He cheered weekly.

"Rebecca is going to be coming soon for you." I said looking at the clock. "It's nine."

"Rebecca doesn't run on the same time as we do. If she says she'll be here at nine, what she really means is that she's aiming for one."

There was a loud knock on the door followed by, "Jake! Open up it's me. And I'm on _time_."

I arched an eyebrow. "Sounds like you got some holes in your Rebecca time theory."

"Oh man." Jacob groaned taking the pillow and placing it over his head. "Out of all the times she's been late why does she have to pull a miracle today.

"Jacob!" There was another series of knocks. "I hear you cussing me out under your breath. _Edward_. You set him up. Open the door for me dear."

Jacob frowned as he pulled back the covers. "See what you did Ed Monkey. You brought her down upon us." I swore I saw the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. Jacob searched around wildly for something to wear.

"I hear movement. You agreed Jake. You can't cancel on me." Rebecca knocked on the door a few more times. "I won't allow it pal. Nope I'm here. I'll stick to this door like the stick up Brent's ass until you let me in."

"Becky. God. I'm coming."

There was a deathly moment of silence. "Becky? Jacob Ephraim Black. How many times do I have to threaten you with bodily harm? I loathe being called Becky. Don't try to be cute just because you have a boyfriend now."

Jacob smiled again. But then he frowned when his chocolate drop landed on me. It was like he didn't want me to see him smile. I had to try a little harder at convincing him that I was okay, so he could enjoy this rare, but meaningful time with his sister. I crawled out of his bed and tried to make myself look presentable by smoothing down my wild jungle man hair.

Jacob watched me. "You presentable cutie?"

"Yeah." I whispered trying to look inconspicuous in a corner. But that probably made me look more suspect than anything. So I took a seat on my bed. I gave Jacob the go ahead to open the door.

As soon as the door opened Rebecca was a blur of piercings and dreadlocks as she threw her arms around Jacob. "Ace!"

She was giddy. I didn't expect her to be _giddy_. But the tight hold she had on Jacob made me smile. He needed this. He really needed some light after all the gloom I had put him through.

I pulled myself up from the bed.

Rebecca opened her eyes. They were so similar to Jacob's. "And you must be Edward."

Jacob eased out of Rebecca's arms. "I'm sure Rachel told you everything by now." He sounded hesitant. Almost nervous.

"She did." Rebecca said with a nod. "We got in a few arguments. It was pretty intense. I even got her to call me a _bitch_." Rebecca rubbed Jacob's shoulder reassuringly. "But I've never seen things the same way as Rachel. She's still trying to find fault in herself, instead of looking to you. But honestly Ace I would be a liar if I said I didn't expect it."

"Expect what? That I had a thing for guys?" Jacob said surprised.

"Oh c'mon. You were always talking about wanting to get ripped like Michael or Jeremy. There was always some guy's body that you wanted to mold yours into." Rebecca shrugged. "I knew. But that's not the point." She added quickly. "I support you. I love you no matter what." She looked at me again with keen interest. "No need to be shy."

I walked over to Rebecca and she surprisingly gave me a hug as well. The lingering smell of weed clung to her hair and clothes.

"I hope it's okay if I borrow my little brother for the day." She said.

"The _whole_ day." Jacob frowned.

I bit my lip as I looked at him. "Jake it's okay. Really it is"

"Jacob you guys live together." Rebecca pointed out. "It won't kill you to hang out with me and my Bob Marley CD's for a day. C'mon don't make me sing _Redemption Song_ to you until you buckle under the weight of bad karaoke."

"A whole day." He repeated. "Why should I give you this day because it's convenient for you?"

I closed my eyes. He was going to push Rebecca away before they even got the chance to talk. To rebuild their damaged relationship. _Jake don't do this_. I need you to let her in. She loves you. She'll help ease all the pain you feel. Don't shut her out. Because I can't be what you need right now. So let her be. Let her in. Let her love you.

"You have a valid point." Rebecca said sitting down on his bed. She looked down at the sheets. "Hmm....I think I see cum stains on that pillow." She stood up. "I expected to get the ice cold winds and the trademark Jacob wall, but I got my boxing gloves on honey, and you're not getting rid of me that easily. Even if we're not in the same state, or country for that matter I'll always be here for you." Rebecca made a face. "And for the sake of partying like it's 2013 your 19th birthday is right around the corner."

It was? How come I didn't know that? Jacob was going to be nineteen. I wondered if he would've told me about his birthday or if he would've just let it pass like I did with mine.

"We're going shopping for your gift. And then to lunch. I at least own your soul for that long." Rebecca said without a trace of faltering.

"How long are you going to be in town Rebecca?" Jacob said looking down.

"Just for today." She said.

Rebecca looked at me. I felt like this was a personal conversation that they needed to have without me in the room. But Rebecca stopped me. "We all have different ways of dealing with things. I deal with pain by jet setting even if I don't have the means to do it. I go from place to place and take as many pictures as I can to aid the process of forgetting. I won't ever say that I have a good method of dealing with pain. But I'm your sister Jake. If you don't give me today then you know that you'll regret it. And so will I." She looked at me. "Convince him Edward. Tell him that we're blood. We're siblings. We're family."

My eyebrows furrowed. _Ouch_. I tore my eyes away from hers and looked away. This pain kept coming when I least expected it. Why couldn't I deal with these triggers better? Blood didn't matter. I was still the same person I came to this school as. I was Edward Cullen. I was eighteen. I was younger than my twin sister. My mom's name was Elizabeth. My dad's name was question mark. I balled my fists. Why couldn't this just stop hurting me. I felt like I could cry now. But I sucked in a breath. I had to be strong for Jacob. He needed me to be strong for him. I was okay. I was okay. I was _not_ okay.

As if he could read my mind Jacob took my hand.

"He'll go," I managed.

Jacob sighed. "Edward."

"It's what I want."

"Fine. But we're not hanging out all day Rebecca." Jacob scowled. "I have finals. And I'm not going to fail because of you."

Rebecca smiled like she had just got the gift she wanted for Christmas. "Thanks Edward. I can't wait to hear all about you." She wrapped an arm around Jacob's shoulder. He was looking at me. I could see that his heart was breaking. He was worrying about me. He worried too much. We both did.

"Have fun." I said as enthusiastically as I could.

"Call me." He said giving me a kiss on the cheek. "If you need anything just call me."

Rebecca made an amused face and looked away. "Wow Edward. Kudos to you. You made my brother _whipped_."

An hour after Jacob and Rebecca left I went to the diner for breakfast. I wasn't starved but I knew if I planned on getting any studying done I needed to put something in my stomach. I sat alone. I could feel eyes on me, but I didn't care. I was going to get my act together by the time Jacob got back. I poked at a fresh strawberry on my plate.

I made the mistake of looking up once. There was a girl sitting at the opposite corner of the diner. She was sitting alone like me. She wasn't eating. She was just staring. Her eyes were cold. I stared at her for a few moments but she didn't bother looking away. I remembered her from somewhere. Oh. She was the girl with Jasper, the girl sitting with him when his eye was swollen shut.

She looked at me like I was the bane of her existence. Like I had given her a perfectly good reason to hate me. I wasn't sure what she was trying to accomplish with her _glare_ but she didn't frighten me. There wasn't anything in this world more frightening than what I discovered over Spring Break. I looked away from her like she was nothing.

"Hey Eddie." Alec sat pulling out the chair across from me. He paused. "I'm sorry I should've first before I sat down." His cheeks reddened. "Can I join you?"

"Err...yeah sure Alec."

Alec bit his lip. "You sure?"

"Positive." I said with a smile.

"Finals on your end must be bad." He shook his head. "I haven't even started studying yet." Alec smiled to himself. "So what's up? We have a final that we have to get done. You keep ditching me Ed. It's okay but...I need this A."

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "My mind just isn't with school right now."

"I hear you." Alec sympathized. His eyebrows furrowed. "So if you don't mind me asking. Are you okay dude? You look seriously down."

I looked up at Alec. He smiled softly. "I'm just having some issues that's all."

"Complications." Alec said with a nod.

"Yeah. Complications." I traced my thumb across my lips. "Have you thought about our final project"

"Our skit?" Alec shook his head. "I've been busy as well dealing with things."

The skin on Alec's neck was discolored. He either had bruises or hickeys on his neck. I was leaning toward hickeys. When he caught me looking Alec pulled up the collar on his white polo.

"Too much fun last night." He bit his lip. "Sex takes away my stress. I'm totally worthless I know."

I waved my hands. "I'm not judging you."

"I wouldn't care if you did." Alec said. "Unlike most people I always know where you're coming from. Your intentions are good. It's no wonder Emmett and Jacob are both madly in love with you."

I frowned.

"It'll get better Edward."

I was tired of hearing that. Maybe it would all get better. But not anytime soon.

"Want to know something." Alec said leaning forward. He didn't give me a chance to say yes or no. "A few years ago my parents died in a pretty bad car accident. It was just awful..."

My eyebrows furrowed. I didn't want to talk about car accidents, dying, or any other tragedies. I just wanted a safe space. A place where I could rest my head and get my thoughts together.

"My sister went nuts after that. And for a little while I thought I was going to go crazy too." Alec smiled to himself. "Life is like that. It's insane and crazy. You get hurt and then eventually you get fixed. Everyone has to go through a ton of shit before life gets better. My point is that I was lost before I came to College Park. I was searching for something better, and I found it. I found peace. And I know you will too."

I smiled. "Um thanks Alec."

"I know my advice sucks but I just wanted a shot at cheering you up. I consider you my friend so I just wanted to help." Alec moved his mouth to the side. "Now I'm going to leave you alone." Alec looked down at the table as he stood up. "You should get some more food. You're looking a little pale."

He was right. I probably should get a little more food. Alec walked right past the blonde, who only started staring at me again after he was out of sight. I ignored her. She pulled off her crimson headband, adjusted her blonde hair, and then she started to write something down.

I glanced at the clock. I was going to leave here in fifteen minutes.

The clock hanging on the wall was stuck, both hands were on 12.

Later that evening the sky burned a shade of dark pink and orange. The sun was setting behind the buildings surrounding McKeldin. After eating breakfast I had gone back to my dorm to fall asleep. I was _still_ tired. In fact I felt like I could use another eight hours of sleep. I figured Jacob was having a good time with Rebecca because he hadn't called me yet. I smiled at the thought of him laughing naturally. I had faith that Rebecca would keep his spirits high.

I spotted a familiar face on the lawn. Emmett. He was sitting on a blanket not to far away from the fountain. Books surrounded him. I considered walking past him because he was clearly studying, but my feet betrayed my thoughts. I wasn't in any condition to hold a conversation. I was an emotional train wreck. But I still walked towards Emmett. When was the last time we talked? I couldn't even remember. I missed him though. I missed his don't give a fuck about anything attitude. Because I always knew he was deeper than that.

Emmett had this inexplicable effect on me. He made me angry often. He was loud, obnoxious, and arrogant, but at the same time he was sweet, caring, and easy to talk to. I missed his laughter. And I missed his smile. And most of all I missed how normal my life had been the last time we talked in Drama class.

He dropped out like he said he would. Because he said I drove him crazy. I still didn't understand why he had feelings for me. Maybe that was one reason why I stayed away from him. Because I didn't want to confuse him, and also because of Jacob. Through all this madness and blackness. I wanted to hold onto everything I had. Jacob was my boyfriend. But I didn't want to lose Emmett either.

He was there for me after I came out to Jacob. He was the first person that donated to Alice's charity. He gave me a 1,000 check. He probably loved me then, but he never said anything. He kept it all in. He let it burn him. Burn him like I was allowing all this pain to burn me on the inside. He pushed me to Jacob. And he pushed Jacob to me. And now he was suffering because we got our happy ending. But what about Emmett? What about him?

Who would love him? Who would see through his imperfections? Who would see the little miracles he did each day while disguising them with ten thousand vulgar words. I missed him. I wanted something normal. I just wanted someone to see me the way I used to be. Not this damaged wreck. This person that needed to be feared. What was wrong with me. I was such a mess. I really shouldn't be here. Now wasn't the right time to talk to Emmett. I was stupid. _Stupid_.

I went to turn around but he looked up from his book. The sunlight reflected off his pale blue orbs. I was trapped. I couldn't escape because it was too late. For a few seconds he just looked at me. My reflection shimmered in his eyes. His deep dimples carved in his cheeks. His lips were full. My heart beat foolishly. He looked happy to see me. And that was a relief. I smiled back at him. But I felt like my smile was ugly. Ugly and deformed. The smile of a horrible liar.

_I was just so tired_. I took a step back. But there was nowhere to go. He closed the book in his hands. Finally I gave into the pounding thoughts racing through my head and I took a seat. For a moment everything was silent. I took in a deep breath and watched the disappearing light fan out from the clouds. The view looked heavenly. I bit my lip. An emptiness had settled into my gut. _Emmett make me smile. Make me laugh. Say something. Say anything_.

He didn't know about my parents. Or Elizabeth. All he knew was that I was Edward. And all I knew was that I needed someone. Someone to talk to that wasn't Jacob, Bella or Alice. Because what I was feeling would put me even more on the radar, and I couldn't handle constantly being scrutinized like I was on suicide watch. I looked down at my hands and then raised my head to gaze at the burning sky. Rays of light reflected on my arms, tangling in the blonde hairs.

Emmett's eyes studied me for a few seconds. "I got kicked out of the library."

I nodded slowly.

"They don't like it when I play my music loudly. Or dance. Or just breathe basically. I think I saw a few wanted posters of me hanging on the door." He chuckled.

I closed my eyes and gave him a soft smile.

"I was thinking about joining the circus too."

"What?" I asked.

"You don't hear anything I'm saying do you."

"I hear you."

Emmett moved his mouth to the side. "Did you and Jake get in a fight?"

"No."

"Okay. So I'll just assume you don't want to talk about it." He looked down at his hands. "I can help you study for your finals. I mostly finished studying for mine so don't worry about that. I got you Edward."

"No Emmett. I don't need help with finals. I'm sorry that I came over here. I shouldn't. I just saw you sitting here and..." I shrugged. "I just thought I would say hi but I shouldn't have because it's wrong."

"It's not wrong." Emmett said biting his lip. "It's okay. You can sit here with me. And we can just talk. Or we can sit. Or I can even go. You can have the blanket. It was just five dollars anyways." Emmett swallowed. "We haven't talked in a few months and I know why. I didn't want to get in the way of your relationship. I didn't want to complicate things. Because you have something great. And I just want to be happy for you. Because above my feelings, above everything, you're someone I really care about. And caring about you means attempting selflessness and failing."

"Jake makes you happy. And that's fine. But um...the last time I saw you, you were happy. You were smiling and I couldn't touch that." Emmett sighed. "I really want to make jokes and skip around whatever this is. But you look really sad. You look like...I don't know...like you just lost someone or something. And I can't ignore that. Why are you so sad Edward? Did something happen to you?"

"No." I lied. "Nothing happened. I just...." I closed my eyes as tears threatened to fall. "I'm just a mess and I don't know what to do. Emmett...I'm sorry." My lips twisted. "I've just been trying to distract myself from everything. From thinking, from feeling, from hurting, and I thought you could distract me. But I was stupid. I was wrong. And I'm so sorry." I looked down as my lips started to tremble.

"No it's okay." Emmett said reassuringly. "You don't have to be sorry for anything."

I placed my shaking hands to my eyes. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"I want to be your friend. I really like having you around. Because without you I feel like a part of me is missing. But I don't want you to hurt. I want to be able to sit here with you and know that I'm not hurting you just by being around. So I want you to move on okay?"

"How do you know I haven't already moved on?"

I looked into his eyes searching for truth.

"I'll tell you whatever you need to hear. I'll tell you that I'm in love with Rosalie if you need me too. I'll tell you that I never loved you. I'll even tell you that I pursued you just to get back at Jacob because I was jealous of _him_. But what good will one lie do when you already know the truth?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Three weeks have gone by. Three weeks and I've been a mess. I feel crazy and depressed. And everything feels so extreme. I'm scared. And I can't take the way everyone is looking at me like they know I'm going to break. I've never felt anything like this. I just have so much angst and heartache deep inside of me and I can't share it with Jacob. I can't share it with anyone and I'm disgusted with that. Because he's given me everything. All his love, all his tears, and I can't share this. I'm the worst boyfriend in the world. I'm horrible..."

"Hey." Emmett took my hand.

"I don't deserve him. I don't. I just think that I need to be alone. Maybe I just need another week to sort this out." I nodded in denial. "And then after I figure it all out. I'll be okay." Tears spilled down my cheek. "Just a week."

"No." Emmett shook his head. His hand was still tightly clasping mine. "You don't need a week. You need to accept what you can't change." He took in a deep breath. "Holding things in. Trying to deal with everything on your own. It doesn't work Edward. It hurts more. And the longer you do it. The harder the fall is." He took in a troubling breath. "Do you want to know why I fell so hard for you."

I pulled my hand out of his and wiped at my tears.

Emmett looked down at the blanket. "I did hate Jacob the first time I met him. He thought he was the shit just because he was the quarterback. I wanted to see him fall so badly from his high horse. I waited. I never took any action. I had no desire at all to sleep with him, so seduction wasn't necessary. So I waited, and then I noticed you." Emmett smiled tragically. "You and Bella would come to watch him at practice. I saw the way you smiled at him, and how you stole looks when no one was watching."

"I thought it was cute how you watched him on the sly. Because you were persistent despite the fact that he always pretended not to notice you. You interested me. I was puzzled because you got so much attention from everyone else. You could've had anyone you wanted but yet you were so hopelessly addicted to Jacob. So I thought I would play around with you. I would get close to you and completely throw him off guard. Make him admit that he's clearly gay for you. But my plan went horribly wrong the night after the homecoming game. I just remember you standing there in Jacob's old nasty sweater and I was thinking damn...I want that. I want a guy to look at me like I matter. I want to be important. And loved like I'm the one that could change his world. And then I realized that I didn't want just any guy...I wanted you."

"When you smiled at him for some reason I imagined that you were smiling at me. And I couldn't shake the feeling. It repulsed me because I never spent time daydreaming about love. But during every break of that homecoming game I found myself staring up into the bleachers for you. For that radiant smile. For your heart. I wanted you to see that Jacob wasn't the only star on the field so I started showing off, and that's how I fucked myself up."

"I ruined my fucking season because I was in love with a guy who didn't see me as anything more than an asshole and rightfully so. I was so pissed after I injured myself. I was sitting there on the bleachers feeling so disgusted while Jacob was being cheered on. Everyone was around him. It was raining and I felt like a failure. I was pathetic. I lost focus because I was in love with someone else's dream. But all the pain, all the cursed thoughts eased when you walked over to me. I was alone. And Jacob was right there, but you came to me first."

"I put your hand to my chest and you let it stay there." Emmett bit his lip. "In that moment the rain sounded like music. I was cracking jokes the whole time and pretending to be a dick but I felt you. I felt your hands. Your hands were on me. And I was trying to tell you. I was trying to scream to you that I was an idiot. Because I loved you. And that's why I fell apart that day in Drama class. Because I knew from that homecoming game, from the first moment I kissed you, that...there was no other boy. Because everyone...everyone was faceless...and then there is _you_."

"So don't feel bad because I did this all to myself. I should've been honest with you upfront. I shouldn't have joked with you. Because I can't see myself just giving up on you, but the only reason I'm telling you this is because I don't want you to crash and burn like me. Life isn't meant to be lived alone. So it's okay." Emmett reached out and took my hand again. His thumb gently stroked my skin. "Do you want me to call Jake for you?"

"No." I said.

"What can I do for you then." He said holding my hand tighter.

I looked down at his hand. I fell back onto the blanket and closed my eyes. I felt like I was falling but Emmett held me tightly. His hand felt like fire. He was wrong. But he was right. He was toxic. And he was love. He was a volcano. A lie. A truth. A realization. He was comfort and poison. He was love.

In the corner of my heart. The corner that was locked. The place where I kept Elizabeth. Cancer. The sadness I felt as a child. There was a place for Emmett too. I eased my hand out of his. That brief electricity was gone. It was pitch black out here. We were in the dark alone.

But this...this wasn't right. I came here to ease Emmett's pain. And of course I only succeeded in deepening mine. _What a mess_. I sat up and I wrapped my arms around my raised knees. "Emmett thank you."

"I did absolutely nothing Cullen."

"You listened to me. And you didn't have to. I know I didn't make any sense at all. But thank you."

"I would tell you to call me if you ever needed to talk. But you have Jacob. That's what he's for. But if you need me I won't ever turn you away." Emmett leaned forward and gave me a hug. He wrapped me up in a way that a friend shouldn't hug another friend. I felt him grab my shirt like he wanted to keep me to him, and give me some of his life. Anything to keep me smiling.

I didn't fight him. I felt his nose press against my skin. "Emmett." I said.

"Yes." His lips were soft against my neck.

"I can't."

"I know." He whispered.

I felt his heart. I closed my eyes.

"I love Jacob too much."

"I know. But tell me something." Emmett kissed my cheek.

"_Emmett_."

I still felt his lips.

"I know you'll never love me like you love Jacob." He traced his thumb across my lips. But I don't have the luxury of a smoke screen anymore. So there is no point in hiding. That first night I kissed you..."

"Emmett."

He looked down and smiled. His face was lit by moonlight. "Did you ever love me...even for only a second."

For more than a second.

I looked down. _Lie_.

"No Emmett. I never loved you." I delivered the lie straight and stared into his eyes. There was no room for this. Questions and answers. By telling him that I felt something for him then and even now would be irresponsible.

Emmett grinned. "Well it was worth a shot right?" He grabbed his books. He was still smiling, showing those deep dimples like he wasn't hurt. But I could see that he was. "I have to study for the MCAT so I should get going. Are you sure you don't want to call anyone."

"Yeah."

Emmett nodded and slowly turned around.

"Em your blanket."

"You can keep it. I'll get by without it." He said over his shoulder.

* * *

**Alice's POV**

Alice twirled in front of the mirror. She watched as her white dress fanned out around her legs. Bella sat on the bed watching her. Alice bit her lip not sure if she was satisfied with her final selection. She was about to change for the fifth time, before her cell phone vibrated on her press. Alice dived over to get it because she thought it could be Jasper. He had invited her to dinner just before leaving this morning. She was excited.

"Is it him?" Bella asked with a big smile.

"Um no? It's Edward." Alice took a seat on her bed. She checked the message.

E: **Alice can you meet me behind the Art-Soc building? Really important**.

Hmm. Alice moved her mouth to the side. She texted back.

A: **Okay. Be right over there. But why are you at the Art-Soc building?**

Alice placed her phone face down on her bed.

"What did he say?" Bella sunk down embarrassed. "Not trying to be nosy or anything."

"He said that he wants me to meet him at the Art-Soc building." Alice shrugged. "I don't know." She slipped on her flip-flops. "I guess I'll go swing by there first."

"Art-Soc building?" Bella tilted her head to the side. "I don't think he has any classes there."

"He doesn't. But he could've went there just to get away from everyone and clear his head."

"I really think we need to stage an intervention." Bella said. "Three weeks. He doesn't have to come around now, but he can't keep shutting you and Jake out. I want to tell him that, but I'm afraid he'll stop talking to me if I do."

Alice grabbed her phone. "Jake told me that he has been texting and calling Edward all day, but he's not responding. He was getting worried. And so was I."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed. "You haven't spoken to him since Jake left?"

"He's fine." Alice assured. She waved her phone. "Here's the proof. Text message from his phone."

Bella took in a deep breath. "Oh God. I'm worrying like Renee."

"Breathe. I'll bring him back here." Alice bit her lip. "Maybe I might have to reschedule with Jazz? Edward might finally be ready to open up, and if he is. I can't see myself enjoying dinner."

"Wait." Bella said. "Talk to Edward first. See what he says and then go from there."

Alice nodded. "Okay. And what's the verdict on this dress."

"A plus." Bella answered.

"Okay I'm going to leave." Alice said quickly.

* * *

**Edward POV**

I knocked on Bella and Alice's room door.

I heard movement and then Bella opened the door for me.

Bella gave me a tight hug. "Where is Alice. Did she decide to go with Jasper to dinner?"

"I didn't know she was going to dinner tonight." I said.

"Didn't you meet up with her though?"

"No I was with..." I paused. "Why would I meet up with her. Were we supposed to?"

"Edward." Bella said gripping my arm. "You texted her. Don't you remember?"

I looked back at Bella like she was crazy. "No I didn't. I can't find my phone. I've been looking all over for it..."

"Edward." Bella said slowly. "You texted her."

Something wasn't right. Something was horribly wrong. Because I hadn't texted Alice. I couldn't. It wasn't possible without access to my phone. "What did I say in that text message?"

"To meet her at the Art-Soc building." Bella slipped on her flip flops. "She left about five minutes ago."

I took off running without waiting for Bella to explain any more.

* * *

**Alice's POV**

Time. An endless string of seconds.

She had been searching for what felt like forever for her brother. He told her to meet him at the Art-Soc building right? So then where was he. The air was cool and a gentle breeze ruffled the light fabric of her white dress. There was a calmness about tonight that really crept under her skin. A raven was perched on a branch. Its black eyes seemed to be glistening with malevolence down at her.

She felt uneasy. The pale glow of starlight washed over the building. A tree was twisted and gnarled, green leaves reflected the white glow of the moon. _Edward where are you?_ Her heart drummed in her chest. She looked down at her phone. Why would Edward ask her to come here when he was nowhere to be found. Her phone vibrated in her clammy palm. Oh thank God. It was Edward.

She clicked on the message.

The wind rustled the leaves.

Alice cautiously looked up and then she read.

**E**: Dearest sister. I hate your fucking guts.

Alice gasped. She froze. Edward? Why would he write that. Her heartbeat accelerated. She forgot about everything. Her fear. The eerie glow of the moonlight. And she started to text Edward back but then she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps. She whirled around but it was too late.

The moon stopped shining for a second.

The world passed away.

She was knocked off her feet. To frightened to scream.

A foot...something hard collided with her stomach. She cried out in pain.

What was happening? Oh god. Oh god.

Fear. Time. Everything blurred together. She curled up in a ball too disoriented to fight back. Pain. She was kicked again. Tears stung her cheeks. Oh my god. Oh my god. She had to run. Silence. The tick tocking of panic. Fight or Flight. Fight or Flight.

Flight.

She went to run but then a fist collided with the back of her head. She was hit over and over and over...she cried. Oh my god.

Tick.

"Help!" she screamed. "Help!"

One final punch. Pain. She felt excruciating pain. Tears flooded down her cheeks. She cried she couldn't stop crying. Something fell to the floor. It looked like a scarlet headband...footsteps stole off into the night. Blood. Her white dress was covered in blood. She was left bawling on the ground...kicked...and beaten.

Tick.

...**Time is running out**.

* * *

Review! Review! Review!


	26. Mockingbird

**AN**: Once again it has been forever! I have the excuse of finals, vacation, and last few chapters, but I doubt those excuses will be good enough. Thank you to everyone that took the time to review last chapter. I'm sure of you were a little bit surprised, maybe a lot by the end of the last chapter. Out of all the people to hurt, why poor Alice? Well you'll see why in this chapter. My main goal with this story has always been about the characters and what motivates them, I know you guys have a pretty good grasp on the characters, but some of them have been holding back certain traits, because I didn't want to reveal too much in the beginning. After this chapter all the cards will be on the table. No more secrets. But there will be cliffhangers, this chapter and the next end on them. And I don't want to give too much away, but I'm curious to know you're guys reactions. All the Jane hate was hilarious to read, and the Emmett love made me smile. He should definitely be the villain here because he tried to mess with our precious Jakeward, but you guys really accepted him. And that is really good for me because I love writing Emmett's character, just as much as you guys love reading about him. So the POV's in this chapter alternate between Jane, Edward (first person), Alice, and Emmett...I know so many different POV's, but it is necessary to wrap the story up and bring things to an end. Two more chapters after this one. Also forgive me in an advance, spelling errors, typos ect. I've been working on this all day, and at this point my eyes are going crossed form staring at the computer for so long. I love you guys for staying with this EPIC monster for so long. Even the readers who are like WTF is Maddie doing lol. Love you guys. –Maddie

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. To Kill a Mockingbird : Harper Lee, and Of Mice and Men: John Steinbeck

* * *

Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. – To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

Chapter 26- Mockingbird

**Edward POV**

"I'm okay Edward. I swear."

I clenched my jaw as I sat on the edge of Alice's bed. She could tell me that she was okay a thousand times but that wouldn't change a thing. I felt as if someone had just taken a dagger and jammed it in my chest. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. I was overcome with waves of anger, frustration and sadness. Someone, some fucking asshole attacked my sister, and I wasn't there. All my life the most important thing to me had been to keep her safe. She was my sister. I loved her, and just the thought of anyone putting their hands on her made me sick. My lips twisted with rage and I bit down hard on my cheek. The metallic taste of my blood coated my tongue.

I couldn't sit still. I had to do something. That asshole could still be out there waiting to attack someone else. My feet tapped uncontrollably on the carpet making the bedsprings underneath my weight groan in protest. Alice reached out and placed her hand on my thigh, as if _that_ could ease the war raging in my body.

"Edward." Alice said again with more authority this time. "It could've been worse."

"It could've been _worse_." I snipped. "It shouldn't have happened at all."

I swallowed again, harder this time, and then I risked another glance at my sister. I felt unspeakable rage and sadness as I stared into her honey brown orbs. She was concerned about me. She didn't get to be concerned about me when she was the one swollen and bruised.

I saw my reflection in her eyes. Seeing her like this was too much for me to bear. Tears of frustration welled in my eyes. I had to look down before I started crying. I felt so worthless and sick. How the fuck could I let this happen to my sister? How could I have not been there when she needed me most? I was so fucking useless.

Alice moved over to me and without words she wrapped her arms protectively around my shoulders. I didn't want Alice to protect me, not when she was hurting like this. I tried to pull away. My heart ached painfully. I just wanted to be free of this misery. I needed Alice to pinch me, I needed Emmett to punch me, and then I needed Jacob to kiss me. I needed to wake up. Because I wasn't sure if I could do this anymore. I was breaking, I was falling apart, and soon I feared no one would be able to put me back together.

Alice dug her nails into the fabric of my plaid shirt and in the process scratched my skin. "Edward look at me."

I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't look at her. If I stared too long at the discoloration of her skin where she had been punched then I would scream. My heart beat like a slave to the pain in my empty chest. Slow and tortured. Instead of this misery, I forced myself to think about Alice's attacker and what I wanted to do to them. I balled my fists tightly, so tightly that all I could concentrate on was the thought of my fist pounding into the unknown person.

I wanted them to feel what they had done to me and more. I wanted revenge.

"Edward," Alice's fingers were cold as they traced against my cheeks. "It's just a few cuts and bruises, I'm not a paper doll." Alice laughed gently. "I'll be fine."

Why was she truing to convince me that she was fine. _She wasn't_! A single tear dropped down my cheek. Fuck. All it took was one tear for the rest to come down in a full assault. My cheeks burned with rage and my stomach heaved with the need to sob. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to fight. I wanted to kill whoever did this to Alice. I wanted to kill them! I slammed my balled fist onto my knee ignoring the pain. Alice held me tighter, and Bella who was nearby took my fist in her hands. I hated this. I hated feeling weak and helpless. I hated not being able to do anything.

"Edward stop." Alice whispered. "This is hard enough as it is."

"I'm your brother." I croaked weakly. "I'm supposed to protect you. I messed up. I've been so consumed by everything else, that I messed up."

"Shh," Alice said gently as if she was trying to soothe a baby. "It's okay. We'll get through this. All that matters is that I'm okay."

But it wasn't okay. My shoulders sagged as I sobbed. Alice held me tighter, and Bella kept a strong grip on my hand. Why was I crying? Why couldn't I stop this. I had to find whoever did this. I had to make them pay. But I couldn't move. Bella and Alice held me captive, and before I knew it Bella had sat down as well, and she was also hugging me.

I slowly raised my chin to look into Alice's eyes again. I doubted that even time would make this easier to deal with. This picture of Alice with dark bruises underneath her eyes, and a swollen lip would never leave me. I knew that she wasn't fragile. Alice was tough, tougher than I gave her credit for, but still at the end of the day, she would always be my sister.

When I first started walking and talking, Alice was there. We graduated high school together. We filled a whole vault with memories that I could never share with anyone else. Since finding out that I was Elizabeth Masen's biological son I had shut everyone out. I balled up in a corner and I tried to handle my emotions alone, but it was selfish of me to do that. My history was her history, and my lie was also hers. That night I found out I wasn't a Cullen, she also felt the same pain.

My lips thinned. Instead of crying I was going to focus on finding out who this person was. The need to discover the truth burned at my insides. It gave me strength and purpose again. My leg felt numb from where I pounded my fist. Bella was still holding my hand cautiously. "Allie can you try and remember anything for me."

Alice's mouth opened slightly and she shook her head. "Ed."

I freed my hand from Bella's. "You had to see something. Did you see a face? Did you see what kind of shoes they were wearing? Their height." My hands shook. I needed something to go on. "Anything?"

"I already told the police that I didn't see anything. I was attacked from behind. Edward what good would giving _you_ a description do?" Alice reasoned. She rested her head down on my shoulder. "You want someone to go after. You want someone to beat up. You want someone's blood in exchange for mine."

I couldn't deny the truth. "Someone has to pay." I growled.

Alice smiled softly to herself but she looked tragically sad. "Revenge solves nothing. Making someone pay for one wrong can't be fixed by another one."

The volcano brimming underneath the sea of tears finally unleashed. "Someone fucking hit you Alice! Some asshole put their filthy disgusting hands on you and they're not going to get away with it! It's not okay Alice. It's not!" I was yelling now with enough range to reach the dorms surrounding Cambridge.

"No." Bella agreed. "It's not okay. It's not okay for anyone to do that to your sister." Bella's eyebrows furrowed. "But if Alice can't remember who attacked her Edward then you have to take her word for it. She filed a police report, and now it's in their hands."

My heart pounded furiously against my chest. There was a good possibility that Alice didn't know her attacker, but if there was a chance that she did then who was low enough to do that? "Do you think it was Jane Ambrosio." I blurted out.

Alice appeared to be surprised by my assumption. Her eyes held mine for a few moments and then she looked away. "Once again I didn't see anything."

"Well I can't just wait." I said not satisfied with that answer.

"So what are you going to do?" Bella asked with her hands on her hips. "Storm around UMD with a flashlight and a water gun looking for the first person that looks at you the wrong way?"

I hated Bella for trying to add sense to this extreme madness I felt. I didn't need sense I just needed retribution. _Fists, answers, and blood_. That's all I could think about. I doubted this feeling would leave me anytime soon, because every time I looked at Alice, the need for revenge got that much worse.

"The cavalry is going to be here soon anyways." Bella said looking down at her phone. "Jake is on his way and he might just have a heart attack if we release you into the wilderness like this. You have crazy eyes now Edward. If this moment wasn't so serious I would hold a mirror to your face so you could see them." Bella reached for my other hand.

Alice's cell phone vibrated on her press. She reached for it quickly. Her chestnut bangs fell into her eyes as she looked down at the screen. "It's Mom and Dad."

I moved my mouth to the side and looked away. I couldn't talk to them now.

Alice stood up and walked towards the door. "I'll talk to them outside."

My eyes widened. I shot up and wrapped my hand loosely around her wrist. "No," I whispered. "I'm not leaving you alone again."

Alice shifted her weight to her other foot. "Edward I'm fine." Her voice quivered. "I'm fine." She said it again.

I reached for her hand stubbornly and I shook my head. "_No_,"

Tears welled in her eyes. "Edward you can let me go."

"No I can't." I pleaded. What was wrong with me. I couldn't stop. Even if I wanted to. I couldn't.

"Why not?" She asked softly.

"Because I wasn't there...when this happened to you I wasn't there. And I can't let you go out there alone, because it could happen again...and I can't Alice. I just can't."

"Bella," Alice looked behind me.

"Edward don't hate me," Bella wrapped her arms around me and pulled me back. I didn't fight her. She held me in a tight bear hug until Alice slipped out the door with a final glance at me. "Thanks for not body slamming me into the wall because you totally could. Can I get you anything." Bella asked anxiously as she shoved her hands in her back pockets. "A bottle of water and Tylenol PM maybe?"

"I won't let you drug me now." I said through clenched teeth.

"I don't know what to do here Edward." She managed a sad smile, but she looked like she was on the verge of tears too. "Tylenol PM is highly dangerous. I accidentally took it instead or Tylenol AM one morning and I ended up sleeping until two in my eight o' clock class. One of the professors apparently kept using my snoring as a gag to get through a boring lecture."

I nodded slowly and sat back down on Alice's bed. I was only barely listening to Bella. I knew what she was trying to do and normally I would appreciate her attempt, but right now I felt like I was in hell. My moods were all over the place and this intense bloodlust for Alice's attacker wasn't getting any easier to digest.

"If only we had Emmett here for comic relief, he's so much better at these situations." Bella joined me on the bed. She folded her legs underneath her and for a few moments we both stared at the wall. "Just the other day I was thinking about how simple life used to be. At the beginning of this semester we were just eighteen year olds trying to find our place, and we did." Bella looked down. "You found Jake. Alice found Jasper, and I found all three of you, and I feel so happy for that, but what sucks is seeing you guys, who I feel like are family to me, suffer so much. I just wish that there was some button I could push to keep the happy and throw away the sad...but then I guess it wouldn't be life if I did that."

I took in a deep breath. A heavy, the world is falling, and so am I, breath.

"I want to say something so prolific." Bella said holding my hand again. "I want to say something that can give you hope, but what can I say here? What can I do to possibly make you feel better?" She squeezed my hand. "I can't even imagine the pain your feeling because I know it has to be so surreal to see your sister like this." Bella wiped underneath her eyes.

"I was living in Forks before I came here. It was just my dad and I. And he's a cop so mostly it was just me." I noticed her hands were shaking feebly in mine. "Forks has like no action with the exception of a few bear or animal attacks, but one night there was a shooting, the first real action in forever and my dad was involved." Bella bit her lip. "Charlie and I love each other, but we don't ever express it. But when I found out that he had been shot I raced to the hospital to see him and I couldn't stop crying. There were tears everyone and hair...God I was an awful mess and the world felt like it was literally falling apart."

"Because he's my dad. Charlie is my dad. The only one I have and just the thought of anyone hurting him, someone shooting him, made everything collapse around me. And I wished that it was me that took that bullet. But despite the fear and sadness I felt, at least I had the comfort of knowing that he was alive and breathing." Bella placed her hand to her chest. "It still hurts thinking about him like that. But I still have him here."

Her words jingled around in my head for a little while. "Thank you." I said in just above a whisper. My eyes darted towards the door. What was taking Alice so long?

Bella gave me another hug. "We're all in this together. You're not alone Edward."

Alice stepped back into the room. "Mom and Dad are flying up to Maryland. They're leaving Savannah first thing in the morning." She looked guiltily at me. "I'm sorry Edward."

Jacob appeared behind Alice. His cheeks were red and he was wearing mesh shorts and a wife beater as if he had just come back from the gym. "Allie what the fuck happened?"

He looked so worried about her. Through the dull aching pain in my chest, and the fading feeling that I might disappear, it made me feel some peace to see my boyfriend and my sister bonding, without me in the middle. But the peace was just a drop of honey in the sea of angst building like molasses inside of me.

"Hey Jake." Alice said skillfully dodging his question. She told him a few times that she was okay and when he kept asking her what happened, she finally pushed him towards me.

Seeing him made me come down just a little. I wanted to reach out my arms and pull him to me. I needed to feel safe for a few seconds before I sought my revenge. My foolish revenge on a person I might not even know.

Jacob was still looking at Alice in horror as he walked towards me. He took one look at me and then I felt his strong arms wrapping me up like a tourniquet. He was trying to heal these broken bones, I was a broken mess. Everything was a mess. His hand felt like fire against my cheek. I gripped on tightly to his shirt. Needing him to keep me here on earth before I faded away into the ether never to be seen again. His heart beat like a warrior's gong in my ears, while I felt like I was on the verge of a heart attack.

Beat. Beat. Beat.

_Slow me down Jake. I can't do this anymore. I just can't_.

"When Bella called me she told me that someone did this to you." Jacob stated as he kept me huddled close to his hot skin. "Did you see who it was...did you see anything at all."

"Jacob before you and Edward decide to whip out the tights and play Batman and Robin; Alice said it was too dark. She didn't see anything." Bella spoke up. "She's exhausted. We all want to start dragging wood to the stake and fry that bitch that did this to Alice, but she's been through enough for one night. She needs rest, and maybe in the morning something will come back to her. But first some of the trauma needs to wear off." Bella rubbed my shoulder. "And not to mention your parents will be here tomorrow."

Jacob's fingers traveled through my hair reassuringly. I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in the sound of his breathing, and the feeling of his chest rising up and down against my cheek.

"Does Jasper know about this?" Jacob asked still sounding worried.

"No he doesn't." Alice said quietly.

"Well I'm pretty sure he would want to know." Jacob added.

"No." Alice said. "Jasper will be worse than Edward and I'm exhausted. I just need to get some sleep because my head is spinning."

* * *

**Jane POV**

_"Smiley Janie." Genevieve Ambrosio called from her art studio as her six year old daughter walked past. _

_ Jane backtracked. She poked her head into the wondrous room where her mom produced magic. Jane's eyes widened in amazement as her mom motioned for her to come closer. Genevieve was wearing a white tee shirt marked with paint and a blue ribbon made of silk held back her pale blonde hair. Jane's eyes rested on the canvas stretched out in front of her. "What is that mommy?"_

_ Genevieve smiled. "It's New York City."_

_ "Wow it's pretty." Jane said in awe._

_ "You think? I left something incomplete because I needed your help with it." Genevieve touched Jane's cheek affectionately. "Do you think you could be my muse and make my magic sparkle?"_

_ Jane giggled showing off her missing two front teeth. "Mommy I'm going to mess it up. You should ask Alec to help because he is a better artist than me. "_

_ "No you won't mess it up." Genevieve responded as if the mere idea was ridiculous. "Why don't you get changed from that pretty dress your wearing first, and then come back here. It's too beautiful to get paint on it."_

_ Jane nodded. "I don't want to mess it up." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her mom's neck. "So what do you need my help with?"_

_ "The water." Genevieve pointed to the twin towers and then moved her hand downwards. "Remember when we went all the way up to the top?"_

_ "It was so scary." Jane whispered balling her fists._

_ "But then we got up there and you saw the whole city." Genevieve said softly. _

_ "And it was so pretty." Jane smiled._

_ "What did the water remind you of?" Genevieve prompted. "You said something do you remember what it was?" _

_ "The water sparkled like angel dust flecks floating in the water."_

_ "I need you to color that in for me. I have paintbrushes here." Genevieve explained. She gestured towards the floor and then back to the canvas. "I have complete faith in you my little muse. And Jane do you know where your brother is? I haven't seen him all day."_

_ "I haven't seen him either." Jane said._

_ Genevieve glanced over her shoulder at the sun setting over the trees. "He must be in the woods again. We told him he couldn't..." Her words trailed off and she gave Jane a small smile. _

_ "Alec doesn't want to play with me anymore. I guess I'm no fun. Well I'm going to take off my dress and come back here to finish your magic." Jane ran into the hallway with a big smile on her face. A few seconds later she opened the door to her room; Alec was sitting on her bed. ._

_ "Alec, mommy is looking for you."_

_ "So?"_

_ Jane folded her hands in front of her. "She wants me to help her paint."_

_ "That's great." Alec said with disinterest. "She never asks me to help her."_

_ "Yes she does. But you always tell her that you don't want to paint because it's stupid."_

_ "You're stupid Jane." _

_ Jane looked down sadly._

_ "And what kind of dress is that. I hate it. It makes you look ugly and stupid."_

_ Jane bit her lip. _

_ Alec smiled slowly. "I'm just kidding Janie. God you're so easy. I I like the dress. Can I keep it in my room for you? I'll take care of it." _

_ "But it's mine Alec. I don't want to give you everything that is mine. Can I keep this one thing? Please? You have your own things. "_

_ "No Jane. You can't keep it. You ruin everything you have. I'll keep it safe. It's mine"_

_ "But you didn't keep my Teddy safe." Jane said with sad eyes. "You lost him."_

_ "Teddy was falling apart anyways, and I asked daddy to buy me a new teddy and I gave it to you." Alec said rolling his eyes as he stood. His light blonde hair was in a disarray and he had dirt smudged all over his jeans and tee shirt. "Janie forget the dress. I want to show you something. Come here." _

_ "But I have to get changed so I can go paint."_

_ Alec took her hand forcefully. "Janie, please. It will only take a few seconds."_

_ "Oww Alec."_

_ "I'm sorry." He apologized loosening his grip. His cheeks flushed a dark shade of red. "Please come. Please, please, please? Don't you love me?"_

_ Jane swallowed as she stared into his eyes. "Okay."_

_ Alec opened the door and he padded out into the hallway with his sister's hand clutched tightly in his. The evening sun painted itself across the sky over White Plains, New York. The air was warm and a stream softly swished in the fading tranquility beyond the trees. The subtle electricity of a nighttime storm lingered in the air. Alec led Jane through the woods, she tripped a few times, even falling into the damp mud. Tears welled in her eyes when she looked down at her now ruined dress, but Alec kept going._

_ Finally he stopped at a stream._

_ Alec whirled around. Strands of his blonde hair danced in the summer air. "We're here Janie" He looked at with muted emotion before he said. "You look like you're about to cry. What's wrong?"_

_ "My dress." Jane quivered. "Mommy told me not to paint in it because she didn't want me to ruin it." A flood of tears dribbled down her cheeks. "Mommy is going to be so mad because there is mud all over it."_

_ "I'll ask daddy to get you another one." Alec promised hugging his sister tightly. "Daddy does whatever I want him to do. He will do it Jane. I'll make him do it. And mommy won't ever know. Now look." Alec shook her arm impatiently. "Remember the baby mockingbird that used to sing outside your window. I think I found him." Alec glanced over his shoulder at Jane. "Her." He corrected. _

_ When Jane's tears continued to flow Alec wiped diligently at them. "Stop crying. I already told you I'd fix everything."_

_ Jane nodded hesitantly. Alec gently pulled her closer to the stream, and that's when she saw it. Her mouth dropped and she placed her hand to her heart. "It's a mockingbird."_

_ A beautiful mockingbird with heather grey wings fringed with ivory and a chest slowly puffing up and down was stranded on a rock, it's black beak was open as if begging for mercy, and it's leg was twisted in an awkward angle. Jane felt a tragic sadness sweep through her. "Oh no Alec she's hurt." Jane reached out. The stream churned in her ears as her finger came in contact with the soft downy feathers. "It's okay little girl. It's okay. We won't let anything happen to you."_

_ "I found her here earlier this morning. I've been trying to keep her alive." Alec explained. "She was singing a sad song. Her last song. I tried to feed her." Alec gestured towards grapes, a whole apple, and a piece of chicken. He then kicked the apple aggressively into the stream. "But she won't eat. Which means she is one of two things. As stupid as you, or already dead."_

_ "No!" Jane said protectively. "She's not dead! She's living. She's breathing. We can't give up on her. Let's take her to daddy maybe he can save her."_

_ "She was singing to me when I found her." Alec said sounding far away, "Even though her leg had been snapped...she was still singing. It was so beautiful, so melodic, and sad. How could this simple creature sing for me when it was in so much pain? It should live. I should keep it in my room so it can sing just for me. But Jane, eventually the pain will become too much and it will stop singing. And what good is a mockingbird that doesn't sing?"_

_ "She can be fixed." Jane said stroking the birds feathers some more. "We can have her fixed so she can sing and fly. She's too young to die Alec. I want her to live."_

_ "But she's broken Jane." Alec argued harshly. "She can't even fucking fly. Nobody wants a broken mockingbird." Alec reasoned. He reached for Jane's arm and pulled her up. "I named her Jane after you."_

_ Jane smiled softly. "Thank you." _

_ Alec took a step closer to the mockingbird and raised his foot. Jane looked down not sure what Alec was doing, and then it hit her like a ton of bricks, but it was too late. Alec slammed the heel of his shoe down hard on the beautiful mockingbird. The bird squeaked one last song and then everything went silent._

_ Jane cried out._

* * *

**Emmett POV**

"Emmett how much longer are we going to stay here? This place is so filthy that being here is making me itch. And I don't like to itch." Rosalie stated with a curled lip stamped with her supreme disapproval.

"Until the whiskey is done sweetheart. I still have a few drops." Emmett shook his glass jingling the ice cubes.

"Fuck the whiskey. I'm cutting you off."

"Rose." Emmett placed his hand on her shoulder. "My dearest Rose. The most beautiful of the bunch with thorns poking out al over."

"Emmett." She cupped his face. "I am only seconds away from landing a spinning kick to your gut, and completing that with an elbow to the face. I have an exam tomorrow. In probably my weakest class so I need us both to go home."

"Then I'll take your final and have some insipid girl who is wooed by my handsome smile and dimples take it up to the front for me. Easy as Mac and Cheese Rosie."

"Call me Rosie one more time and I will burn your tongue."

"With what your pitchfork?"

Rosalie managed a strained laugh. "Come on M&M I can't leave here without you."

"Leave me Rose. Let go!" He said theatrically.

Rosalie wrinkled her nose. "What the fuck?"

"_Titanic_. That was your cue to say 'I'll never let go.'"

"When you start quoting _Titanic_ I know we're in trouble. I should tape this and play it back for you when you're sober. Payback for whatever I'm mad at you for on any given day."

"Rosalie I'm not that drunk. I'm a big boy I can hold my liquor."

She rested her hand against her cheek. "I'm not leaving you. That's final."

"Leave me. You need to go back to the apartment and study. If you fail this final then you won't talk to me for days, and I need someone in my corner, so go home."

Rosalie's eyes softened. "Only if you tell me what's wrong."

"Can we do the whole brother and sister bonding thing some other time?"

"No I care damn it. And if you're here in this seedy bar with _Shaders_ walking around."

"Shaders?" Emmett asked confused.

"Shady ass people!" Rosalie explained. "You could've at least picked a more established development than the College Park low rent backwoods liquor trailer."

Emmett snorted. "Rosalie you are so above everything and everyone. I am not worthy of your friendship." He bowed down.

Rosalie crossed her legs. She reached in her purse for some antibacterial soap and squirted some onto her hands. While Emmett was staring off into space she squirted some on his palm. "Rub that in. This bar is teaming with STD's."

Emmett smiled. "Rose go home."

"No. What's wrong with you. You aren't smiling. You just look sad. It bothers me. Tell me what's wrong. I'll keep bothering you until you let me in."

"I dethrone you from the sister title, and now I'm downgrading you to _mother_."

Rosalie set her jaw in a frustrated way.

Emmett stifled a yawn because he was getting tired. "If you must know I'm no good with rejection. That's why I'm downing the whiskey."

"And neither am I. When I get rejected I shoot things." Rosalie said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"If you weren't my best-friend then I would take that comment as a warning sign." Emmett said with a dimpled smile.

Rosalie looked at him and smiled back. "Did Edward break your heart?"

"Why do you automatically assume that it was Edward?"

"Because he makes you light up like no one else can. I'd pay money to see another guy do that to you, because it's extremely rare. Like a seeing a comet rare." Rosalie said looking down. A blonde curl fell in her eye.

Emmett smirked softly and played with Rosalie's hair. "I like these things. These tight blonde snakes your wearing today. I assume these curls are warn when you're in the mood to punish people?"

Rosalie swatted his hand away. "So what happened between you and Edward?"

Emmett hunched his shoulders a little. Rosalie was not going to give up so he might as well give her something. "I told him how I felt. I masochistically told him everything even though I knew he was happily _married_ to Jacob in his cute little head."

"Why Edward?" Rosalie tilted her head to the side. "I mean why did you fall so hard for him? You've been with countless people but none of them held your attention like he did. _Does_."

"Why not Edward? He's got the boy next-door thing going on, and in the beginning I was an asshole to him, but he kept coming around. He never gave up on me even though he had every reason to." Emmett bit his lip. "Underneath everything Edward is the guy you would want beside you at the end of the day. And it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes."

"So if you were looking for a husband then it would be him. But you don't want that Emmett. You don't want a husband." Rosalie grinned. "You. Married? That's just like me getting married...scary!"

"But that's what I'm saying. Edward is easy to love, that's why it is so difficult to get over him. Because he really is one of a kind. He makes me think, and feel things that I don't want to feel, and I like that. Simplistic love is boring love. And he's not simple. He's amazingly complex."

"You'll find someone better. Jacob was made for Edward. I can't deny that anymore or be mean to Jake because he's with the guy you love." Rosalie rubbed Emmett's shoulder. "I would get a margarita so we could both drink, if we weren't in this rink dink place." Rosalie flipped her hair off her shoulder, "We're going home now McCarty. You don't have the option to negate that any more."

* * *

After showering Emmett walked into Rosalie's room. She was wearing her reading glasses and her blonde hair hung damply around her shoulders. She had on an oversized Orioles tee shirt on that fit her like a tent. "I don't think I will ever see this again." He gestured in Rosalie's direction. "You look...human. I think I just found my new profile picture on facebook. Homebody Rosalie!"

"Don't you dare," Rosalie said looking over her glasses at him.

Emmett flopped down on her bed. He was hot so he didn't feel the need to change into anything more than a pair of boxer briefs. Rosalie was clearly feeling sympathetic because she didn't call him any names; she just let him relax on her bed in nothing but underwear.

"You can sleep in here tonight." She said as if it was a formal invitation.

"Oh I can my Queen?" He echoed in the same formal tone

"Yes, I just have a few requests. No farting, no taking up all my covers, no kicking me, no spreading out like an eagle and taking up the whole bed, and no morning woods. If I see that I'm beating you with a broom."

"That's a pretty long list." Emmett snickered. "And I can't control the morning wood. When I rise so does my cock. It's a normal thing Rosalie dearest."

" Just follow my rules. They are a small price to pay for 1500 count Egyptian cotton sheets."

"You're such a snob."

"No it's not snobbery, it's called a good night sleep. It's not my fault that you choose to sleep on those 200 count rags." Rosalie tsked and waved her pen at him. "Low rent taste gets you nowhere in life."

"How is studying going Hale?" Emmett asked changing the subject from his _low rent taste_.

"Hellish. My brain doesn't want to process anything besides sleep and _you._"

"You can use my brain." Emmett said pointing to his head. "I'll help you study."

Rosalie waved her hand. "I have as much processed as I'm going to get processed tonight." She threw her books onto the floor and pulled off her glasses.

"No you should keep those on. They're kinda hot."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, but just to amuse Emmett she kept on the glasses anyways. "So talk to me." She adjusted her position on the bed and laid down on her stomach. Rosalie folded her arms underneath her and tilted her head to look at Emmett.

He blinked a few times. "You seriously want to do this. Talk for hours about Edward Cullen and why I love him." Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Yes I do."

* * *

**Edward POV**

**The Next Morning **

Jacob was holding me so tightly that I felt like I was in a straight jacket. We had fallen asleep in the tent and Jacob's arms were wrapped so tightly around me that it was impossible to move. I craned my head to the right so I could look at him. He looked so peaceful. He always looked peaceful when he slept. Like an angel. I kissed him. "Wake up Jake."

"Mmm. I'm having a dream."

"What about?" I whispered.

A drunken smile formed on his face. "You and me. Whipped cream. Mud. Handcuffs. And a police stick. You want me to do unholy things with that stick."

My cheeks warmed. "Maybe we can make your dream a reality...if you release me from this grip."

"You promise you won't try to run if I let you go?"

"Where would I possibly go?"

"Anywhere away from me. I smother you." Jacob snickered as he released me from his arms. "Literally."

"I want to go and check on Allie." I said.

Jacob reached for my hand. "Why don't _we_ get breakfast first?" He placed his hand to my heart. "It's on me, you can get whatever you want, and I'll use my diner card."

I laughed a little trying to be chipper. "Your such a cheap date. I don't want your diner card points."

"You want my points." Jacob asserted. He crawled on top of me straddling my waist. "How are you feeling?"

This was the first time in a while that I honestly wasn't feeling anything. Sleep and Jacob had been a potent mix that had temporarily rid me of all my demons. I closed my eyes and stretched out my arms behind my head, he pressed his hands flat on my chest.

"I think that food sounds like a good idea. Even if it's diner food."

"Diner food for breakfast and then I have something special planned for lunch. I don't have finals today just a study session later tonight so there is no rush."

"I don't have my phone." I said absently.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Jake." I apologized. "I was just remembering that I don't have my phone." The next thing I thought about was the cryptic text message Alice supposedly received from me before the attack.

"Don't apologize for anything." Jacob said. His eyebrows were still knitted

"So much had happened yesterday that I forgot about that." I massaged my temples as I attempted to chase away the conspiracy theories for now.

"You forgot what?"

"Nothing."

Jacob gave me a look that told me he was willing to listen to whatever was going on in my head, but I wasn't ready to share. I needed to talk to Alec before I started making accusations and then I needed to get to Jane. I knew that if I gave Jacob a peek into my conflicted thoughts then he would either try to stop me or come with me. And I couldn't allow that. I wasn't even 100% sure if Jane was behind this so I had to be careful. I smiled at Jacob just to show him that I was okay.

"Take a shower with me." I said crawling out of the tent. "I'll give you head."

"Wait." He circled his arms around my waist before I could escape the tent. "I know your schedule is busy with angst and throwing me off, but I want in Edward."

"I'm letting you in Jake." The words felt like poison on the tip of my tongue. This was that last lie, the last secret I kept from him. I had to get these answers on my own.

"I have a study session at eight tonight but until then I own your soul. I want us to get away for a bit, I've been doing some research and I think I found a nice place for us to escape to."

"My parents should be coming in soon."

"Oh so then we can do my plan another day." He offered.

"No. We should still go today." I bit my lip. "I'll have to handle one thing at a time or else I really will lose it." Jacob eased off my shirt. "Is taking off my clothes the signal for me to stop talking?"

"No you can keep talking." Jacob assured. "I'm just stripping you so we can carry our conversation into the shower. We're good at multitasking." He took off his shirt next. I completely forgot what I was going to say after that.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

The sun blazed in a bright yellow hue above campus. Emmett sat down on a bench with his legs crossed as he divided his attention between studying for the MCAT and college classes. He tucked his pencil behind his ear as he flipped the page. This morning he woke up feeling rejuvenated. The sting that he felt from yesterday had been soothed somewhat by Rosalie. They talked for a few hours, and she reminded him what he always knew, that letting Edward go was easier because Edward had Jacob. And at the very least Emmett could always depend on Edward to be his good friend, and just having him around to shine his light, would have to be enough.

It was enough.

Emmett heard laughter echo across the lawn. He squinted through the bright sunlight and he saw two guys sitting in the lush green grass. Their backs were to each other and they were reading. From here they looked like twins with their blonde hair almost the same shade of honey gold. But a closer look revealed to Emmett that he was looking at Jasper.

He smiled at the sight of him. It had been a while since they spoke. Jasper's friend looked up from his book and for a few brief seconds he and Emmett shared eye contact. Emmett was lost in a daze, thinking over what he had just read, and the night he and Rosalie had hijacked Jasper's diner shift, so it took him a few seconds to realize he was involved in a staring contest.

There was something peculiar about Jasper's friend. He was wearing an explosion of colors. He made it work though. Looking at him was like looking at a Skittle, or some vibrantly colored wall sprayed down with graffiti. The sun tickled Emmett's neck as he shifted his attention back to his books. A few moments later Emmett heard footsteps approaching. He looked up to see Jasper.

"Hey Emmett." Jasper said walking along the fountain towards him. His friend lingered behind, walking along the edge and peering down into the dark water as if he had lost something.

"Hey Jazz, what's up man?" Emmett balled his fist and tapped it against Jasper's.

"Not much. Studying for finals?" Jasper asked coolly.

"Yeah. I'm trying to." Emmett grinned a little as he stole another glance at Jasper's friend. He was no longer staring into the shallow water, but instead at something in the sky. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and he was looking up like he just saw a shooting star or comment. "Who is that?"

"He's my..."

"Boyfriend on the side?" Emmett teased before Jasper could finish.

Jasper's cheeks reddened. "No. He's my best friend."

His friend appeared by Jasper's side in record time. He rested an arm down on Jasper's shoulder, leaning on him and then extended his hand to Emmett. "Hi my name is Riley nice to meet you."

"Emmett." He said shaking his hand.

"Emmett huh that is a super cool name. I used to have a gold fish named Emmett. He was my favorite. Wait. His name wasn't Emmett, I think it was Ronald, but Emmett is still a really really cool name. Awesome even."

Jasper looked down. "Emmett have you talked to Alice or Edward in the last couple of hours?"

"The boy Cullen yes, the girl, no." Emmett confirmed.

Riley tilted his head. He left Jasper's side to investigate the stack of books beside Emmett. Emmett watched as Riley picked up his copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_. During study sessions, Emmett always carried a book with him so he could read during breaks. Riley took the liberty of pushing Emmett's books further down the bench, and taking a seat right beside him. He then started to read the book, upside down?

Emmett had two instant reactions about Riley. He was cute as hell, but odd, odd enough to feel as if he belonged in a Dickens novel instead of real life. He had wild blonde hair that curled out at the tips, red lips the color of ripe strawberries, a slim build, and these stunning grey eyes. Emmett wondered what was wrong with him, but then he stopped trying to figure it out. Riley seemed nice and that was all that mattered. So he silenced his thoughts and redirected his attention to Jasper, who looked beyond troubled.

"Why the long face Whitlock?" Emmett asked

Jasper stopped frowning when he realized that he had an audience. "I was just thinking about Alice, we were supposed to hang out but she never called me back."

"Oh so that's why you asked me about the Wonder Twins?"

"Yeah," Jasper swallowed. "Maybe she changed her mind about me?"

"No she didn't. How can anyone not love you? Go see her Jasper." Riley voiced while his eyes remained on the book. "You didn't sleep at all last night because you were so worried. And when you can't sleep neither can I."

Emmett smirked. "And you two are friends. Just friends?"

"Yeah we don't fuck." Riley said.

Emmett's eyes widened and he looked at the space cadet with the innocent face and grey eyes. He hadn't expected him to answer his question like _that_. Emmett reached out and turned the book right side up. Riley smiled softly and then turned the book back in the direction he had it before. Emmett shrugged giving up. "Alice Cullen likes you. I could tell that from the first time we were all together on the twins 18th birthday."

Jasper smiled as if Emmett had restored some faith. "Then I'll go. Are you coming Brière?"

"Nope. Alice and Jasper time is tops and sacred." Riley answered.

Jasper tilted his head to the side. "I still want her to meet you."

Riley smiled wide. "And I want to meet her too. But I'm not leaving until tomorrow."

"Take my key." Jasper said handing it over to Riley. "You can go back to the apartment whenever. You can help yourself to whatever. Most of the food there is yours, please eat all the grapes, because I hate them, but you love them. Am I forgetting anything, oh yeah, insulin, do you have it?"

"I think."

Jasper pulled his book bag off his shoulders and started to rummage through it. "Oh fuck Riley I was about to take it with me. Don't forget to take it."

Emmett watched as Jasper handed Riley a small bag.

"I have no where to put this." Riley said. "Oh sweet aces." He leaned forward, over Emmett, and placed the bag inside Emmett's bookbag.

Emmett arched an eyebrow. "Help yourself Blondie."

"I _will_." Riley said with a big smile.

"Don't forget to take your insulin." Jasper reminded.

"Won't," Riley promised.

Jasper then quickly took off in the direction of North Campus. Now, Emmett was left alone with Riley on the bench. He stole another glance at the _colorful_ boy. He wasn't sure what to say but he didn't want to ignore him. "Have you read that book before?"

"Oh yeah. Like 16 and a half times." Riley turned the book right side up. "Who is your favorite character?"

Emmett rested his hands against his cheek. He hadn't read _To Kill a Mockingbird_ since high school, but by default he tended to connect with the tragic characters. "I like Jem, but I was really interested in Tom Robinson's story." Emmett shrugged.

"Why Tom?"

"Because he's a sympathetic character," Emmett said back. "He was accused of something he didn't do, and he was a good man. No matter how many times people knocked him down he remained good and I liked that."

"Is that how you are?" Riley asked.

"No we're talking about a fictional character here, and I've never considered myself to be a mockingbird."

Riley looked back at Emmett thoughtfully. "Tom and Boo Radley are my favorite characters. I think Harper Lee wrote them wonderfully." He smiled looking far off. "I could just read for hours and get lost in imaginary worlds. Books are the best escape, next to art, and friends, really good friends. "

"Sure." Emmett said not sure where Riley was going with this.

"I had a suitcase full of books when I was a kid. I used to take them with me everywhere. I would read when I got bored or I felt lonely. I took this suitcase with me everywhere up until the magnolia tree answered my wish."

The magnolia tree? Emmett listened unable to turn away. He doubted that Riley had a point. He was probably just talking to talk. But the very least he could do was listen. Riley was like a child. He had this innocence about him. It was somewhat refreshing, but at the same time with innocence, came naivety. Emmett rested his arm on the back of the bench and crossed his legs towards Riley.

"One day I was sitting in my tree waiting. The sun was out kinda like today and it was awfully bright. I was planning on going to Neverland because everything is so awesome there. You don't ever get old, or get corrupted by people, you can remain the same. No one hates you in Neverland for what you are, or who you are. You're just one in the same, like everyone else. That's why I wanted to go there, because I thought sweet aces that would be phenomenally superb to just be without all the bad stuff."

"But I didn't have a map to get to Neverland so I tried to draw it in the dirt with X's and O's but jiminy cricket I just couldn't get it right. So everything felt like a huge fail. Eventually I wore myself out so I fell asleep underneath the magnolia tree...have you ever fallen asleep underneath a magnolia tree?"

Once again Emmett found himself questioning Riley's sanity. And that questioning was followed by guilt. Emmett decided instead to focus on what was right about Riley instead of wrong. He seemed like he had a really good heart. He cared for Jasper. And he had this cute southern accent. Emmett had a thing for southern boys. Emmett smiled unintentionally linking Riley to Edward.

"Have you?" Riley asked again with big eyes. "Slept underneath a magnolia tree?"

"Never, I guess I'm missing out."

"Oh well it's an awesome experience. Magnolias smell absolutely wonderful and their coloring is so spectacular, they come in pink and white, and they just explode with magnificence." Riley nodded looking down, "When my parents went to work my magnolia tree would look after me, and I knew one day I would had to leave it, so I asked for my tree to give me a friend. Because it gets awfully lonely when you're by yourself all the time. There are too many people in this world to just be a party of one. I didn't want to go back home though because everyone was so sick...they were too busy with work, and money...the love was all gone, and once you lose love, you end up losing everything else."

Emmett rested his hand against his cheek. He wasn't sure if Riley was telling the truth or just making up a story, but either way he had a knack for story telling.

"The night before I left for Neverland. I heard the owls hooting, I think they were warning me about the coyotes. They get the hungriest at night, so I climbed onto the highest branch and I was careful not to break any bones this time."

"Break any bones?" Emmett questioned.

"Oh yeah. When you have a lot of free time on your hands you look for ways to entertain yourself. I used to try and climb the trees to heaven...but the trees don't reach that high. I forget what I was telling you about?"

"Before the breaking bones, you were saying that you climbed the tree to get away from coyotes."

Riley's strawberry colored lips pulled into a smile. "Happy Days. You're listening to me."

Emmett's cheeks warmed. "How can I not listen? You have an interesting way with words." _And somehow while questioning your sanity I managed to both forget about Edward and remember him at the same time_.

"When I was in my tree it rained. I saw a car speeding down the street and a little boy was running after it. _He was so fast_. But I guess he had to be, because his safest place was in that car. All his happiness, all his joy, a little bit of his humanity, left him that night. He was just a boy, a boy without his parents. An outsider like me. I knew the ways of the wild because I came and went as I pleased. So I came down from my tree and I stayed with him."

"Ever since then he's been my magnolia tree. As long as he's happy then I'm filled with so much joy." Riley reached in his pocket and pulled out bright blue sunglasses that probably took up half his face. He placed them over his eyes. "The sun is bright."

Emmett smiled. "That it is."

Riley reached in his other pocket for pink sunglasses that were just as big. "Sunscreen for your retinas?"

"My retinas are fine thank you."

"Okay. Do you have a magnolia tree?"

"I don't have one." Emmett answered. Well technically he did. He had Rosalie and Austin.

"You have to." Riley said.

Emmett filtered through Riley's words for greater meaning. Through his story he picked up on something else. There was a complexity underneath Riley's sunglasses and bright colors. He was a puzzle, and Emmett loved puzzles, because they were like porn for his mind. "How old were you when you started hiding out in this magnolia tree. And where the hell were your parents?"

"They had surgeries." Riley explained absently. "And they never knew what to do with me. So they hired nannies and fired them, and I just got bored and started wondering off on my own. I read a lot. That's why I stopped when I saw you reading _To Kill a Mockingbird_ because that's the book I used to read to my friend, when we went back to the cruel world and the man with the shotguns tried to hurt him. We held on together. With Christmas lights, and stars, and promises of being free. I didn't want him to turn into Boo Radley. Beat down by the people around him. Whispered about, and eventually driven into hiding because of the way he was treated."

Emmett's eyes softened. "Is this Boo Radley your talking about _Jasper_?" He felt an ache in his chest. Now he just wanted to give Riley a hug? Blondie was manipulating his emotions. Emmett shook the feeling.

"No." Riley said with a smile.

Emmett knew he was talking about Jasper, because he had seen it with his own eyes. The day after spring break when Jasper came back to school with bruises, someone had clearly hit him. Taken advantage of him. And in the gym Emmett saw Jasper hit the punching bag with enough resolve to take it down. There was rage in his eyes, an innocence lost, and sanity barely being held onto.

"How long have you two been buds?" Emmett asked.

"Forever and ever." Riley responded. A moment of silence passed between them and Riley folded his hands. "You're very bright. Brighter than the sun"

"What?" Emmett asked confused.

"You. There is something about you that sparkles brighter than the sun."

Emmett decided to wait for him to finish.

"I'm a pretty good judge of character. And I know that you think I'm weird."

"No I don't." Emmett said softly.

"You're lying for my sake." Riley looked down absently and reached in his pocket for a Hershey's bar, he handed it to Emmett. "You have this innate ability to make people smile. I felt it as soon as I came up to you. And you smile with your eyes. Your blue eyes are like the sea. I could dive in and stay for a while. If I went to College Park I would notice you first in a sea of a million people."

Emmett tilted his head to the side. He had never been complimented quite like that before but he was left with a warm tingling feeling. This notion that he may never meet anyone else quite like Riley filled his mind. "Do you usually compliment every guy you meet like this Silver?"

Riley smiled a little devilishly. "No usually sex comes first and compliments never come."

Emmett smiled a little. Riley was clearly a fan of surprise.

"So this is unusual. Have some chocolate. And did you just call me Silver?"

"Yeah I did because of your eyes." Emmett explained, "And why do you want me to take a bite of your chocolate bar?"

"Because it's chocolate." Riley bit his lip. "It's like heaven in your mouth. The sweetest addiction of all...wait that's not right. Chocolate isn't the sweetest addiction."

Emmett shook his head as he peeled off the wrapper. "What is the sweetest addiction of all then?"

Riley looked at Emmett. Emmett looked back at him waiting for an answer, but instead Riley said, "Take a bite."

"What if I hate chocolate?" Emmett asked.

"I can't eat it." Riley said. "When I was younger I ate a whole bunch of it. Snickers, Reese's Cups, M & M's, my favorites were the green ones." His eyes illuminated with wonder, "My parents told me that I couldn't eat chocolate because of my diabetes, but since they never noticed much, I ran to the store and I bought chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate, and I ate it all...but then I got sick. Really sick. So I can't eat it. But it's a tragedy that something so sweet and delicious as chocolate could be so dangerous. So could you take a bite for me, and remind me how it tastes?"

Emmett looked down at the chocolate in his hand. The tiny piece started to sweat dripping melted chocolate down his finger. He looked at Riley, completely captivated by his silver grey eyes and took a bite. Emmett wasn't sure why he was playing along with this silly game, but at the very least Riley was a nice distraction.

And there was something tragic about him. Emmett was drawn to that tragedy, and right now he wanted to keep Riley's smile, because he felt warm. Riley was a mix of crazy, uplifting, and escape. He was full of stories and Emmett admired that. He licked the chocolate off his finger. Riley licked his sexy red lips along with him. Emmett's cock twitched. This was sinful. If Edward Cullen was kiddie porn, then Riley was much worse.

"What does it taste like?" He asked.

Emmett smiled softly ignoring his dick. "It tastes like heaven."

"More," Riley said licking his lips again. "I'm trying to imagine that I can taste it. Be more descriptive, use your adjectives." Riley giggled. "Adjective porn!"

Emmett laughed. He couldn't believe he was doing this. "Um it's like an explosion in my mouth. It's sweet and rich...and velvety."

Riley giggled.

He was so cute. Emmett looked down once again trying to shake the strange feeling. He felt more comfortable now than he did a few moments ago. "Do you want a piece Riley?"

"No I can't...because I can't just have one. I'll eat too much and then I'll get sick."

Emmett broke off an imaginary piece. "No you won't." Emmett looked down at his hand. "My little brother loves strawberries, but he's allergic to them so he can't eat them. So we um...used to pretend to pick imaginary ones in the backyard, and he would eat them." Emmett swallowed. "So here, you can cheat. Just one piece of chocolate. One small bite." Emmett bit his lip. He felt so lifted, as if yesterday, was going to stay in yesterday, and today would bring new hope. His eyebrows furrowed as Riley wrapped his hand around Emmett's wrist.

He was so strange, and unusual, and beautiful.

Riley brushed Emmett's fingers against his lips.

Emmett drew in a ragged breath. The sun danced in the corner of Emmett's eyes and the wind blew Riley's hair. "So?" Emmett asked pulling his hand back slowly because of the way his heart reacted to that simple touch. Emmett wanted Riley to stick around. He wanted to get to know him. The thought was a little troubling because Emmett didn't usually form attachments this quickly.

Riley closed his eyes and he smiled satisfied. "That was the best chocolate ever. It was like fireworks on the 4th of July, or sitting on the docks as the sun sets in splendid colors...or seeing my very first snowfall, and dancing as it came down. I'm satisfied." He said falling back in the bench. "I'm completely satisfied. Thank you for the chocolate Ems it was delicious." The sun bounced off of his big blue glasses as he looked up towards the sky.

"You're welcome kid." Emmett watched him again, and this time he couldn't control the soft freeing smile that commanded him to take another step. "What are you looking up at Silver?"

"The sky and I'm thinking about how lovely you are."

* * *

**Alice POV**

Alice peered into the mirror as she tried to apply make-up carefully to her bruises. She hummed to herself so she wouldn't focus too much on the girl staring back at her. The first night after the attack she had been incredibly shaken, but she managed to conceal that fear and hurt for Edward's sake. Alice couldn't stand to see him suffer, and last night not only was he suffering but he was also placing the blame on himself. Alice looked down as she felt her façade falter. So much had happened within the last few weeks. What else could possibly go wrong?

There was no amount of make-up or foundation that could cover the swelling. So this attempt to hide her face was futile. Alice started to hum again as soon as she felt the strong wave of emotion. Why? Why would someone do this to her. Inflict so much pain without caring. She swallowed down the thickness in her throat. Alice braced her hand against the wall. She thought about Edward and the loss in his eyes. All she wanted to do was make everything okay for him again, make him feel safe, because all his life, he had done that for her.

Someone knocked on the door. Alice assumed that it was Edward so she ran to get it. Before opening the door Alice took in a deep breath and put on her best 'I'm okay' expression. Their parents were coming to town and she knew that Edward probably wasn't ready to see them. But when she opened the door she came face to face with Jasper instead. Alice's eyes widened. _No_.

The handsome smile on Jasper's face faded and he looked back at her without words.

Alice tried to smile, but there was really no point. She could lie and pretend until she was blue in the face. But she knew that Jasper had a history of abuse, he would be able to see through her. And it would be cruel to lie to him.

Jasper reached out with shaking hands. His hands gently grazed Alice's cheek, and he winced as if touching her bruised skin set his skin on fire.

"Jazz I'm okay." Those weren't the words she wanted to use.

He turned her face to the side, completely ignoring her. His blue eyes were intense and focused. Jasper's finger continued to stroke her cheek. "Allie." He breathed. "Wh...what happened?"

"I'm okay." Alice stammered with a nod. "It's a long story but I'll explain to you later."

"What happened?" Jasper repeated in a daze as he brought her closer to him. "Did someone do this to you? Did someone hurt you? Alice what happened?" He clenched his jaw.

Edward. She saw Edward when she looked into his eyes. Alice looked down and she brought her hand to his face. "I'm sorry that I stood you up yesterday. Last night was so crazy that I didn't really get a chance to do anything."

"Don't apologize about yesterday." Jasper whispered. He looked frightened as if the truth could saw him in half. "Why are you keeping me away? I won't hurt you..." His eyes flickered like a candle expressing a wide range of emotions. "Alice please tell me what happened. _Please_?"

She could already see the storm brewing behind his eyes. The pain. It was too much for her to take. Alice felt the tears coming on. She had only faced her attack on surface level; she had distracted herself from feeling too much. Alice couldn't imagine telling Jasper right now that someone attacked her, because he would fall apart and so would she. She swallowed down her conflicting thoughts. "My parents are going to be here any minute now."

Jasper looked devastated.

"I'm not shutting you out Jazz, I swear." She closed her eyes just so she wouldn't see the sadness in his. "I just have a lot going on right now. And I have to deal with my parents on top of everything. I know my mom is going to be upset and Edward's already a mess. So just give me some time and I'll tell you everything."

Jasper nodded slowly. "I love you Alice."

"What?" Alice asked pausing.

"I love you. I came here to tell you that. So please don't push me away."

Alice reached out and she wrapped her arms around Jasper, holding him tightly to her. She just wanted to keep him safe, but life had never felt so dangerous and out of her control. So all she could do was hold him, and find piece in the sweet truth he just gave her. He loved her. Jasper loved her.

* * *

**Edward POV**

"We're here." Jacob said massaging my shoulder. He stepped out of the rabbit and quickly went around the other side to open the door for me. "Ed Monkey, your chariot awaits."

I grinned. "Where are we?"

"Pennsylvania." Jacob explained. "You slept most of the ride." He stole a kiss on my cheek. "Breathe in the fresh air. We're alive baby. Breathe in some of that life. Doesn't it smell so fucking good?"

I inhaled the crisp air riddled with honeysuckle and pine tree. The sky up above was a deep blue, and the thinnest wisps of clouds stretched across the canvas. We were standing on top of a hill that sloped down in a lush covering of swaying grass blades and yellow buttercups. A stream teaming with fish and carved rocks was at the bottom. Down there a father and son were standing on the banks fishing.

It was beautiful out here. An escape from the harsh storms of life. Jacob got behind me and wrapped his arms around my body. I closed my eyes. I felt so high up here on this hill. Above everything. Jacob sprayed kisses on the back of my neck. "How was your day with Rebecca? I never got the chance to ask."

"It was good."

"I want more than good Jake. I want a full run through of everything."

"Hmm." He said. He leaned away from me and took my hand in his. He adjusted his fingers in mine until he found the perfect fit. "We still have a few more minutes until the big event so we can check out the stream."

I nodded in agreement. He swung my arm back and forth as we descended down the slope of green and gold. A flock of birds beat their strong wings in the warm May heat and then took off upwards to the sky. Jacob pulled off his Nike sneakers and dipped his feet into the stream. I stood on the grass beside him. "I can't believe we're finished with our freshman year after finals."

"Freshman year. Officially a wrap." Jacob echoed. "We made it." Jacob rolled his head towards me. "We made it. The alcoholic and Ed Monkey. I was just thinking about everything yesterday and I was like damn...I don't even feel like the same person anymore. A lifetime has come and gone. I'm all brand new and _sexy_ for you." Jacob gave me an easy smile. "Nah I'm just kidding. I just miss your smile."

I grinned again. "Over the summer we should do something. We should go away somewhere. Bella can come, and Jasper and Alice."

"Where are we going?" Jacob beamed.

"Anywhere." I said with a sigh. "I just want to be with you. An escape would be nice, and then we can start sophomore year, fresh, and rejuvenated, without all the drama."

"I agree. I think we should go somewhere tropical, with white sand beaches, clear blue water, and coconuts growing from trees."

"The sun gives me freckles." I said looking down at my arms.

"Last night when you went to sleep I counted the freckles on your nose."

I moved my mouth to the side. "Weirdo."

"Hey, they're my freckles to count. Because you belong to me." Jacob turned his head to the side and smiled wider. "We'll get through this endless drama Ed Monkey. I got faith in you. I got faith in us. I know ten years from now all this angst will be fodder for remember when conversation."

I closed my eyes. The sun was warm on my nose. I needed his faith and to change the subject back to vacation. "We should go somewhere tropical? I've always wanted to go to Grenada or Anguilla."

"If that's was baby wants then that's what baby gets." Jacob snickered. "I just need to steal Brent's credit card real quick and charge that shit up. We can fly first class, have the best hotels, and even get a car to drive around the island in."

"Seth should come." I added.

"Yeah. But we get our own room because I imagine we'll be fucking a lot with the palm trees, white sand beaches, and paradise setting." Jacob picked up a rock and skipped it across the water. "We have to fuck on the beach too. And I've always wanted to fuck in a palm tree."

I laughed. "How the hell are you going to fuck me in a palm tree?"

"Ehm. I'll get back to you when I figure it out."

I kinked an eyebrow. And rested my head down on his shoulder.

"I think it's time to show you why I brought you here," Jacob put back on his shoes and then he ran up the hill. I scrambled to my feet and I walked after him. He led me through the woods. I looked up taking in the way the green leaves fluttered in the breeze and came together to block out the sunlight. Tiny sparkles of white light shined through the canopy of leaves dotting various spots on my skin.

Jacob pushed back a few hanging vines that hung down like curtains and I caught the slightest glimpse of another field, but this field was more expansive and the space was filled with hot air balloons benched on the grass. My mouth dropped.

"One of those balloons is ours." Jacob said. "C'mon." Like a kid he ran down the hill into the sea of colorful parachutes. I stood in place taking in this scenery, this perfection that was almost too good to be true.

I knew that I should enjoy this moment because when I got back to College Park everything would be real again. I had to find out who hurt my sister. And I couldn't stop until I found out the truth. I was beyond obsessed with finding that out. Jacob stared up at me from the bottom of the hill; the sun was positioned in the sky between us. He was so far away.

"Get your sexy ass down here!" He called.

_Oh Jacob_. I made my way down the hill, closing the distance between us, Jacob held out his hand, and led me towards whichever hot air balloon was ours.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

Riley and Emmett stayed on the mall for a few hours. Riley talked incessantly for most of the time and Emmett listened. When Emmett was ready to leave he offered for Riley to hang out with him until Jasper came back. Emmett wasn't ready to go home yet so he took Riley to a pond right outside of Prince George's County where he used to relax at during his freshman year.

As soon as Emmett parked his Jeep Wrangler, Riley hopped out of the car and walked freely in the incandescent sunlight to the docks. Emmett joined him a few moments later and lowered himself down beside Riley. Emmett studied the way the light rippled out in the dark water.

"Do you like living in Maryland?" Riley asked.

Emmett thought it over. "I like it well enough. It's warmer than Alaska."

"You're from Alaska?"

"Yep. In Maryland I just have to worry about deer hitting my car, but up there we got moose. Big fucking moose."

Riley smiled dreamily. "I spend a lot of time traveling but I've never been to Alaska. I bet the northern lights are beautiful and epic to see with your own eyes."

"Yeah." Emmett said lowering his voice. "Do you want me to tell you what they look like."

"Sure," Riley said curling one leg underneath him. His knee rested against Emmett's leg and neither made an attempt to move away.

"Well the colors change, sometimes it can be all green or blue, and red, and purple. They dance. It's like the sky is alive and the world is moving. The best thing is lying down on your back..." Emmett paused as Riley laid down on the docks. He smiled adorably back at him.

"Like _this_?" Riley asked crossing his hands over his chest.

"Yes like that." Emmett swung his arm over his side. "So you lay there and you look up. My little brother Austin and I used to do that, because he's a kid, he gets excited easily about these things."

"Did your parents ever join you?"

Emmett looked down. "No it was just me and Austin. They had their own set of issues that had nothing to do with me."

Riley tugged on Emmett's shirt. "Lay with me."

Emmett half-smirked. "Why are you going to give me a blow job or something if I do?"

_That was inappropriate_.

"Maybe," Riley said.

Emmett looked down at the blonde boy curiously and he laid down.

Riley slid on the oversized pink glasses this time, and handed the other blue ones to Emmett. This time Emmett didn't refuse the glasses. He put them on, and rested his head down on the docks. Emmett still thought Riley was a little weird, along with this situation, but it just felt right. It was unexplainable.

"Why did you move all the way out here?" Riley asked.

"Because I wanted to be far away."

"Far far far away." Riley said.

"Yeah, but I don't feel that anymore. I was just...I was a kid then. Things weren't going the way I wanted them to. So I wanted to punish my parents. Make them miss me." Emmett smiled crookedly. "And you tricked me."

"Huh?"

"You try to act all weird and shit, but I suspect that secretly you're a little devil. If you can read me so well Silver. Then you must have an idea of what buttons to push." Emmett cocked an eyebrow. "You're a pusher, and you're trying to make me your bitch."

Not that I wouldn't mind playing a few X rated games with Riley. He did kind of turn me on in an insanely strange way. And despite his innocence, he seemed to have a firm grasp on the world.

Riley ignored my comment. "We're passing trains. Whatever you tell me I'll remember. But you won't ever see me again so it doesn't matter. I'm just one second in a lifetime of hours and minutes. An insignificant May afternoon that you will soon forget."

Emmett highly doubted that. "I won't forget you that easily. I have photographic memory. Colors stick out, and what your wearing is like burning a hole into my mind. I'm so over stimulated right now...and that sounded cruder than I intended it to."

Riley sat up and he pulled off his shirt.

Emmett eyed him curiously. "What are you doing?"

"I'm cooling off." Riley said nonchalantly. "I'm going for a swim." He stood up.

Emmett's whole body spiked with fever as Riley pulled down his shorts next, he took off his sneakers, and the bright green socks he was wearing, so now the only thing left were his white boxer briefs. Emmett felt as if he should look away, but he couldn't. Emmett licked his lips. Riley pulled off his boxer briefs with no problem and now he was just standing there completely naked, basking in the sunlight. Emmett didn't have much time to drink Riley in because before he knew it Riley cannonballed into the water.

Riley surfaced and shook his damp hair out of his face, but his bangs swiped across his eyes. His arms fluttered around in the water, rippling it out. "Aren't you going to join me Ems?"

Emmett stood up and kicked off his flip-flops. He had no problem getting naked, and he wasn't going to turn down an invite so why not. And besides Emmett's mind was preoccupied with curiosity and lust. If Riley was down for fucking then so was he.

"Let's see if you're as big as I think you are." Riley taunted.

Emmett's mouth dropped and his whole body warmed with heat. Needless to say by the time Emmett's pants were off he was hard as shit.

Riley looked down and then back up at Emmett. "You could get me in trouble." Clearly satisfied with Emmett's packaging.

"I like trouble. Let's get in trouble together. I won't tell Jasper if you don't." Emmett said stepping back and then running down the dock to dive into the water. It was cold against his skin. A few seconds later Emmett's body temperature adjusted. Riley swam around him in a circle.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He asked.

"No." Emmett scowled. "I don't do boyfriends." What he meant was that he hadn't found anyone suitable enough to earn that title.

Riley smirked. "Yes you do. It's just you've been looking in all the wrong places." He dived underneath the water disappearing out of sight.

Emmett swam in place staring out at the trees surrounding the pond. Shadows fell down over the trees. Evening would be coming in soon.

* * *

**Jane POV**

Jane sat down on the floor in her room. Boxes surrounded her. The end of the semester had arrived and in a few days she would be heading back to New York for the summer. Jane tucked her hair behind her ear as her fingers swept across the ivory skin of an old photo album. She bit her lip as she considered opening it. It had been a while since Jane had looked over anything that reminded her of how her life used to be. Everything had changed so drastically since her parent's death that she had trouble connecting her past and future. Life was an AU mess, her emotions were strained, and she knew long ago that she had lost touch with reality. Jane did things without thinking. She hurt people without feeling. She tried so desperately to purge her humanity, because feeling less meant getting through another day.

Her lips trembled as her hand slid across the pictures protected behind plastic. Her parents smiled happily back at her. How tragic it was that a picture exuding joy could bring about so much darkness in her soul. Jane promptly closed the book and wiped at a tear that had fallen down her cheek. There was a light knock on the door. Jane closed her eyes, because she wanted to be left alone in her final hours. "Yes?"

"Can I come in?" Alec asked.

Her twin brother hadn't talked to her since the incident on I-95, and she didn't blame him. Not only had she put her life in danger, but she had also endangered his. Jane didn't want to hurt Alec; it wasn't his fault that she was just so tired. Everything hurt, and it had gotten to the point where she had no idea how to make it all stop.

Alec came in anyways, he was wearing a black hoodie. He took a seat on the floor beside her. His reddish brown orbs wandered over the collection of boxes, clothes and pictures strewn on the floor. He opened his palm to reveal the heart that used to be attached to her purse, the one that had their family picture in it.

"I found this on my bed." He said.

Jane gave him a stretched thin smile. She hadn't slept all night. The nightmares kept her awake. And she kept going back and forth with her decision. One part of her felt like it was necessary, but another part, a greater part, wanted someone to save her before the Twilight hour. Someone to forgive her for all the wickedness she had caused. Someone to listen, someone to care, someone to understand. "I thought you might want it."

A dark strand of hair fell in Alec's eyes. He reached for Jane's hand and placed the heart inside her palm, and then he closed her hand. "I don't want this. It's yours. It's your memories. _Not mine_."

Jane nodded slowly. Light swept the room. It had been dark in there all day because she had just opened the curtains. She looked down at her trembling hands. _Tell me you forgive me Alec_. He was always her person. When everyone else wrote her off as crazy, Alec was there. Jane felt as if she was standing on the edge of the cliff already. The clock was ticking and with each second she was getting closer to jumping. With her life she would end all of this madness. And she would be free.

"Jane." Alec said softly. He reached out and touched her arm.

She traced her thumb in circles along the heart. _Help me Alec. Please_.

"I think things will be better when we go back home. A change of scenery will be good for you...for us." Alec reached in the box for the photo album Jane had stored away and looked down at the picture of their parents. "Life feels so empty without them. It still feels like yesterday since the fire burned them alive. Out of all the ways for them to die why did it have to be so violently. They loved you Jane." Alec smiled thoughtfully. "They loved you to death."

He paused for a second and then placed his hand underneath Jane's chin, so he could look into her eyes. "We should run away together."

"What?" Jane whispered surprised.

Alec's cheeks reddened. "The plan was to pretend as if leaving here would be better." He licked his lips. "Uncle Aro told me to lie. He told me to convince you that everything would be okay once we got back to NYC. But it won't." His eyes darkened and he looked at Jane. "Do you know why George had to shoot Lennie at the end of _Mice and Men_?"

Jane's eyebrows furrowed. "Alec what are you talking about?"

"George had to shoot Lennie because he was so stupid. The lynch mob was coming for him because Lennie accidentally did another bad thing...George shot him because he knew that Lennie was better off dead."

Jane blinked away her tears. "I don't understand where you're going with this."

Alec racked his hands through his hair. "I'm all over the place. I didn't get any sleep last night. And I still have to meet up with Edward Cullen for our final assignment." He exhaled. "But I guess none of that is as important as you, and what's been going on these last few weeks. I'm sorry I've been absent Janie, but I'm here now. We have enough money to get away for a few months, at least until Aro gets the idea of sending you away again out of his head. I was thinking that we could go south. I've always wanted to live in Charlestown."

Tears brimmed in her eyes. "Why would you run away with me?"

"Because it's part of the dream. It's what you need to hear. Temporary relief for everything that is broken and ugly."

Jane's lips trembled. In an attempt to keep from crying she knotted her hands together. She didn't deserve a brother who cared about her as much as Alec did.

"So Charlestown? Or maybe Savannah, the Cullen twins come from there. Speaking of which did you hear about Alice Cullen?" Alec's eyes narrowed and Jane thought he smiled a little, but then he looked away. With all the light in the room, he managed to stay in the shadows. "I think this might be good news for you."

Jane didn't want to hear anything about Alice Cullen. She didn't care about her. Alice already had everything _she_ wanted, even if Jane knew in the back of her mind that Alice was more deserving of Jasper's affections.

"Apparently someone attacked her." Alec said somewhat pointedly.

"What do you mean attacked her?"

Alec snorted. "Attacked. Jane. Attacked. Exactly what I said. Someone fucked her up pretty badly. I guess she knows not to mess with you or Whitlock anymore." Alec's eyes darkened.

Jane looked down at the ground and her eyebrows furrowed. The room was deathly silent again and all she heard was the clock ticking, time was fading fast with the day. She knew. She could feel it in her bones that tomorrow would never come for her. Jane's heart felt heavy and tears glistened in her eyes. There was no hope. None at all.

"That's why we have to run away together." Alec said again. "Because I know you did it. You feel ugly compared to her, so you struck out because you wanted to make her just as ugly as you."

Jane's mouth dropped and she looked at Alec in surprise. How could he say that to her. And did he really think that she did that? She wouldn't. Jane always drew the line at physical violence...even when Alice slapped her, she didn't hit her back.

"You wanted her to hurt as much as she hurt you." Alec's eyes darkened with conviction. "Just say it Jane. Alice is to you what Edward is to me. A greedy selfish bitch." Alec bit his lip, "If Aro finds out about what you did to Alice then he will want to keep you locked up for longer."

"You think I did this?" Jane finally managed.

Alec stared back at her blankly. His expression was unreadable. "Edward Cullen told me that you did."

"What. Why would he say that? I haven't been anywhere near Alice since I saw her and Jasper at McKeldin."

"Even if that's true why would anyone believe you. When it comes to setting yourself up you did a superb job of doing that. People tend to see the worst in you anyways." Alec shrugged. "Edward wanted to go to the police but I saved you. I got that stupid whore to stop, but I'm not sure for how long. He hates you. Everyone hates you because you've been such a bitch to them." Alec closed his eyes. "I love you Jane but this time I think you went too far."

Her face warmed and she wanted to scream or cry at the top of her lungs, she wanted to throw things and kick. But all she could do in the end was stand semi-paralyzed as her brother stared back at her with accusatory eyes. She couldn't take it any longer. Jane whirled around and she took off down the stairs. Everybody hated her. At the beginning of this year she had two people on her side. Alec and Jasper. And now she had none, but it was only what she deserved. After grabbing her keys from the kitchen she was out the door.

* * *

**Alice POV**

Alice walked into the church on South Campus. She was still baffled that Jasper asked her to meet him here. She was dressed in a simple black dress and silver earrings shaped like tiny discs shimmered in her ears. Her footsteps echoed in the empty space filled with pews. Jasper was at the very front. She tried to manage a smile as she took a seat beside him. "Hey Jazz."

Jasper glanced over at her. "Hi Allie." It looked like some time apart had helped him to deal with seeing her bruised a little better.

"So," she squeezed his shoulders. "Why are we in church?" She managed a small smile. "Are you praying for me?"

Jasper stretched out his arm and reached for Alice's hand. She watched as his thumb traced slow circles on her skin. "You look pretty." He said softly. "I like your earrings. They're pretty too."

"Thanks Edward got these for me in sixth grade. These are my favorite." Alice looked at the side of his face, not sure exactly what she should say. "My parents are at my dorm I left them there to go find Edward. But he's MIA so that's why I found you instead. I suggested that we all go to dinner and luckily my dad knows when we all need a break from the worrying so he agreed. You're invited by the way."

"Did you tell them what happened?" Jasper asked rubbing his hands together. "Because you have to tell them."

"And I told them over and over. There were tears. And my dad turned into Edward for a little while there, he wanted to find whoever did this and kick his ass too. And then there were more tears." Alice said reaching out to take Jasper's fidgeting hands in hers. "I'm all cried and stressed out."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Alice. You said someone attacked you. I can't leave that alone."

She drew in a ragged breath. "You want the whole story."

Jasper nodded. His eyes were tired and sad.

"I really wanted to avoid this." Alice managed another small smile. "Now you're making me regret coming here." She eased her hand free of his and traced it along his jaw sprinkled with tiny blonde hairs.

Jasper looked down and kissed her hand softly.

"You told me you loved me this morning. Why?"

"Because I was waiting for the right time." Jasper said looking down. "I felt it too soon and I didn't want to scare you. But I knew it, I knew it all along, and what's the point of waiting when we don't know what tomorrow brings."

"And I love you too." Alice said feeling the threat of tears. "And that's why I didn't want to tell you what happened. Because I didn't want to trigger any bad memories for you." She used a trembling hand to wipe away her tears. "But why are we in church?"

"I'm not praying or anything." Jasper said looking into her eyes "I can't remember the last time I prayed to God about anything...I don't think he would hear me anyways."

"I think so." Alice said quietly. "I think he hears everyone."

"My mom used to sing in the choir. I hated church when I was younger. The pews were rough, they reminded me of rocks, and I never understood why everyone was so happy to be here. But when my mom sung I forgot where I was. Her voice and the words came together to make me feel like I belonged here. So I go into church sometimes to remember what that felt like. Hearing her sing, and just being around her. It keeps me sane when I'm alone."

Alice looked down at an envelope beside Jasper's leg. "What's this? "

"I'm sorry Allie."

"For?" She asked.

"For forcing you to talk to me. I know everyone has been asking you for the story and it has to be difficult to relive over and over." Jasper closed his eyes. "Every time I look at you I feel like someone just shot me. Someone hurt you. And that makes me angry and sad, but I'm sure Edward already showed you the same emotions I'm showing you now." Jasper closed his eyes. "At some point we need to talk about Edward, but just not now."

Alice arched an eyebrow. "Do you know where he is?"

Jasper's lips thinned. "No I don't. But you said something recently that made me think about something. I need to prove this thought in my head wrong. So I can at least stop having nightmares about it."

For a few minutes they sat in silence. Alice was trying to figure out what Jasper was talking about, but she didn't want to push him.

"I won't let anyone ever harm you again." Jasper said resolutely.

Alice held up the envelope. He looked at it and then frowned.

"I found this letter underneath my door when I got home. I opened it because I thought Riley left me a letter but it's not from him. It's from Jane."

"Jane?" Alice asked confused.

Jasper shook his head. "I only read a few words and then I stopped. I tried seeing the best in her and then she took my trust and she trashed it. She broke any chance of a friendship we could've had past this year."

Alice reached for the letter curiously. Right after being attacked she remembered a crimson headband falling to the ground, but still for some reason, she was hesitant to point fingers at Jane, it was too easy. Unless Jane wanted to get caught she wouldn't be so reckless to leave behind something as incriminating as a _headband_. Alice's stomach twisted as she read the words with trembling hands.

_Dear Jasper,_

_This year I learned a lot. I learned how to start breathing again, I learned how to start feeling again, and I learned how to find my smile, when I thought I lost it a long time ago. I owe you an apology for my despicable actions. I got carried away and I took things way too far. I hurt you because I couldn't have you. And I should've realized that just having you in my life was enough. I wish that I had been honest with you from the beginning. Because you really were a star in the sea of black night. You inspired me artistically and your heart, your big heart, made me feel human and loved. You taught me how to fly, and you taught me how to feel again._

_Everything that I lived through, every pain that hurt me so deeply, you erased, with a smile, and a hug. I never told you any of these things, but I am more flawed than most, and that's why I saved my most honest words for death. I was cruel when I revealed your secret to Alice. I let my guard down because I was hurt and selfish and I knew that I had lost. I lost you and I reacted by pushing you even further away. Words fail me now. There is so much I want to say, because I can accept now that I've pushed everyone away with all the atrocities I've done. I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Maybe then I could try harder to be better. Because I want to be okay again. I want to try to be okay._

_There is only one way out of the whole I've dug. If you still care, if you still care at all then please meet me here. I'll wait until eight and if you don't come, then I promise I will never bother you again. So then this will be goodbye._

(She had drawn a map of a street block in Baltimore.)

I_ wish you knew me before I became this monster I am today, because then at least I could ask you to remember me how I used to be...somewhat beautiful, a girl who liked to smile, a girl who cared and dared to dream. A girl who felt, a girl who didn't make love look so ugly. Shine Jasper. Keep shining. Because you're free...you're free of the abuse, of the pain, you're free, and you can have your happy ending. And I know that you probably won't even read this after what I've done but thank you. Thank you times a million for daring to see behind the mask I created over the years._

_Always,_

_Jane Ambrosio_

Alice's eyebrows furrowed and she placed her hand to her heart. "Jasper, we have to go."

"Alice, this is probably some cruel joke that she's doing just to prove that she has control over me."

"I don't think so Jasper." Alice said honestly. She grabbed his arm. "Let's go!"

* * *

**Jane POV**

Jane shielded her eyes from the fading sun as she peered out at Baltimore. From the top of this building she felt invincible, she felt as if she could float off from this building and fly over the skyscrapers that riddled the sky. A tragic smile stretched thin across her face, as she remembered peering out at Manhattan when she went to the top of the twin towers with her mom.

In Baltimore the sun shined down on the water like angel dust flecks as well. The sight was beautiful, it was an image she could paint for hours and hours. A happy place. A safe space, where she didn't have to build up these iron clad walls for protection, and stomp everyone out that tried to get in. The world was a cruel place. But she was by far crueler. Jane closed her eyes for a second. In these last few minutes she needed to remember her childhood. To hold onto what was pure and innocent. As the sun shined down on her, Jane parted her lips to sing. When she was scared her mom used to always sing to her.

Jane wrapped her arms around her body because she wanted to feel warm. She was so cold. Her lips trembled and tears rushed down her cheeks. Unsteadily she sung Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star imaging that her mom's voice was replaced with her own.

When she opened her eyes Jane bid the sun farewell. The birds soared high above her world, and the warm heat tickled her cheeks. Jane closed her eyes again. The faint traces of wind swept her hair around her shoulders. Jasper wasn't coming. But she still couldn't blame him. Now she started to hum. She hummed her soul through all the pain and the tears. After she jumped she couldn't hurt anyone else, and no one could hurt her.

All this pain, all this heart wrenching agony that was eating her alive, would finally be gone. And that was such a relief. The eclipse over her life would finally be gone, and she could rest.

But she wanted to believe; she needed to believe that even though this life was over, someone would remember her way she used to be. Jane didn't know who. Maybe Alec, even though he wasn't talking to her anymore, and he blamed her in the end like everyone else did. She hoped he would remember her when she smiled, and find peace in that. Jane wanted Alec to live his life, and she wanted him to be happy. She wasn't going to be his burden anymore. Jane looked up towards the sky. She didn't believe in much...but she did believe that her parents were waiting for her on the other side. They would forgive her for this. Because they knew the pain she felt.

They knew how she hid behind the wicked need to hurt others because in the end...she felt hated, hurt and broken. She wanted to stop feeling before. She wanted to turn it off. She needed too. But now she was floating away from the sadness. Further. Further. No more gray skies. No more days without sun. No more pain. Tears rushed down her cheeks but she smiled harder. Jane's white dress fluttered around her bare legs. She pulled off her shoes. She didn't need shoes where she was going.

Stop Jane. Stop.

But she couldn't. It hurt too much. It hurt like hell. She just wanted it to be over. Over. Over. She hurt so many people. She was a burden. Jasper. Jane saw his smile. He was free now. Free. Her lips parted and she whispered into the air. "Free."

The wind swept around her. She was ready. She was ready. The salty sting of tears lingered on her lips. Jane opened her eyes. She saw the water, the evening sky, and the fading sun shooting rays of light around her.

Birds flew past the sun, with outstretched wings. They were happy and free. That's what she wanted to be.

* * *

**Alice POV**

"I think this is it?" Jasper said parking his car on the street.

Alice opened her door. A sense of déjà vu swept through her as soon as the air hit her. The sun was setting behind the towering buildings. She had Jane's map in her hand. This could all be a trick. But no matter what Jane had done to her she couldn't just sit back and ignore what could be one last cry for help. Alice remembered the tortured glare of Jane's eyes that day they argued right outside of McKeldin as if someone else was in control. Alice looked at Jasper who was apprehensively looking up.

His hand reached out and he touched her wrist. "Allie, don't look up."

But it was too late. She looked up.

The sun faded down the corner of a building, right over Alice and Jasper, leaving a shadow where they now stood. Blazing bright and orange light showered the girl standing in a white dress on top of the building like a fallen angel. Jane looked so small like a child. Her fair flew wildly in the breeze and her arms were outstretched. Alice's heart dropped and her eyes widened as she did everything possible to suppress her scream. Alice thought about Dylan Keller and the dreams she used to have.

Alice broke into a run. Twilight was hungry and eager to set in. Her flats pounded against the pavement as she raced against time. A few people had gathered in a thick crowd to look up and point. The sun had now disappeared behind a mass of clouds.

"Jane!" Alice yelled. She darted inside with Jasper right on her heels. She was propelled forward by thoughts of Dylan. Her legs burned but she couldn't stop running. Finally Alice reached the top, and she opened the red door leading out to view the city The dying sunlight was brighter up here, playing peek-a-boo behind the towering skyscrapers around them. Alice felt Jasper step from behind her, his hands were cool against her skin. "Jane." Alice said again ignoring the fact that they weren't friends.

"Jane," Jasper said calmly. "I came." The sunlight fell upon his hair in soft white halos.

Alice reached out with trembling hands for his arm.

"Jane, please don't do this." He continued. "Stay here Alice."

Alice blinked away her tears. "Jazz what are you going to say to her?"

"I don't know." Jasper eased his hand out of Alice's. The sun had almost completely set leaving behind the blazing remains of pink and orange. Jasper balled his fist. "Jane. Please don't do this...just step off the ledge. Everything is okay. It's fine. It is fine I swear. Whatever you're feeling it will go away with time."

Jane was still silent.

"I forgive you." Jasper said quietly. "For everything. I forgive you."

"Why?" Jane finally said. "Why do you forgive me. You're just saying that."

" I forgive you because...because you're my friend. What you did it hurt me, but being angry at you isn't worth this."

Jane's shoulders heaved. "How can you call me that after everything I've done to you and to her."

"I forgive you." Jasper repeated. "That's all I can say."

Jane turned around, her hair scattered around her face. "I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't even know why I wrote that letter to you because it's not fair to involve you any further." Her lips twisted. "There is nothing I can do to make up for what I've done. Nothing." She held her hand to her heart. "But I never meant to hurt you...all the things I did, all the people I hurt, it was because I was insecure, and scared, and I was dying inside...I already died the night I lost my parents, and Alec was all I had."

"You still have him." Alice spoke up. "You still have him. We can call him. We can have him meet us here. He'll come because he loves you, and no matter what you think...having you here is more important to everyone than not having you at all."

"NO!" Jane cried. "He's better off without me. He has so much potential and he loves me so much. Despite everything I've done. He cares. And he loves me and for that I'm so happy, but I can't..." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I can't live to be his burden and I can't stand to live to hurt anymore...I can't, I'm so pathetic, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm so ugly. I'm sorry for what I've done. You can hate me. Tell Alec that I love him and he's free..."

Alice went to stand by Jasper. "If you jump off this building that won't free him! That'll kill him. He's your brother and he loves you...believe me, death is never easier. It seems like an escape, but the people you leave behind, the people who love you, the people who care, they're going to feel it, and it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt like hell. So don't think for a second that suicide is freeing him!" Alice cried.

Jane looked down. "Look at where I'm at. I'm here, on top of a building. I lost everything. And most of it has been my fault. I don't have anything to live for. No more happy memories, just pain, pain and sadness. The things I've done, the way I lived, I don't want it anymore. I'm just tired. And I want to go home. I want to rest. And I can't do it here. So thank you..." her face twisted. "Thank you for caring even when you shouldn't. You should hate me, because I did my best to make you hate me."

"But it's okay. You can go. Be free of me. Because you have each other." Jane sobbed. "You have love and I know it must be great." Her tear-filled eyes traveled to Jasper. "You have love and I'm so happy for you."

"Jane." Jasper whispered. "Don't do this. Please." His calmness was starting to shake. "I know that we've had some pretty rough times, and you hurt me a lot, but before everything you were my friend. So please don't do this. Because if you jump I'm going to feel like this was my fault because you gave me all the signs...I saw it in your eyes, I knew that you hurt..."

"No." Jane shook her head profusely. "This isn't your fault. It's mine."

"Don't jump." Jasper whispered. "This isn't the way to fix things. If you jump then I'll never forgive you. Take my hand. It's easy. Just grab it. I'll pull you back and I'll stay with you. We'll stay with you, and help you through whatever. Okay?"

"Let me help you. I'll do anything. Anything." Jasper trembled. "We can start over, you can tell me what hurts, and I'll be there. I'll help you. I'll be your friend. We'll be your friend. Just don't jump. Please. Please."

Alice closed her eyes. "Think about your brother. If he loses you, then he will never recover. After I lost my friend to suicide I used to have this dream...that my brother..." Alice held her hands to her chest. "I had this dream that he was standing on top of a building, ready to jump and I couldn't stop him." She cried. "And I would always wake up screaming, and then I would run into his room and hug him so tightly. Because he's my brother and I love him, and if he ever felt like jumping off a building was the only way out then it would kill me inside."

"You're not alone." Jasper reinforced. "We're here. Alice and I we're here, and Alec...he loves you. He loves you so much."

Jane looked down. She brought her hands to her heart. "How can you even look at me without feeling disgust."

"Because we don't want you to die Jane. When it comes to standing on top of a building about to take your life. It doesn't get any worse than this" Jasper bit his lip. "Nothing else matters. Your life is important. Don't just throw it away. Because things will get better, you just have to give it time, and let people in."

"But it's all broken." Jane whispered tragically. "Everything is broken. I can't fix it." She trembled. "And if I get off this ledge then you're going to leave me. Because they all did. My parents died, and my uncle he shipped me off to a mental institution as soon as I moved in with him. And I wasn't crazy. I was just sad. I was so sad. And no one understood, and now one cared. And I just wanted someone to care. That was all I wanted." She cried harder.

"Jasper cares about you. And so do I. It's not fair Jane." Alice said holding out her hand as well. "It's not fair to have to deal with your pain alone. Life is so much harder that way. But you don't have to be alone anymore. Jasper and I we care. And we could listen." Alice nodded tearfully. "You don't have to be silent anymore. Or think that tearing down others is the only way to hide your scars. Let's start over okay. Let's just start all over, and forget the past."

Jane held out her hand. "I didn't want to jump."

Jasper reached out and his fingers grazed Jane's. He stepped forward and quickly pulled her off the ledge. She fell apart in his arms, they both collapsed to the ground. Alice crouched down beside them with her hands on Jane's back.

"I didn't want to jump. I just thought everyone would be happier without me." She buried her face in Jasper's shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Thank you for coming. I didn't deserve this. But thank you. You're good. Both of you. And you listened to me. And thank you so much for that."

Jane tears flowed until the sun went completely down. Jasper held her in his arms, and Alice remained by her side holding her hand. Eventually Alice and Jasper pulled her up. She was too exhausted to walk down the long flight of stairs so Jasper picked her up in his arms.

"There should be an elevator somewhere here." Alice said leaning against the wall.

Jasper smiled softly. "We can't leave her alone Allie."

"No," Alice agreed. Her cell phone vibrated. She looked down at the screen, "I completely forgot about mom and dad, we should stop by there first and then we can bring Jane to Alec. I'm just so glad she's okay." Alice whispered.

* * *

**Edward POV**

As soon as we got back to the dorm Jacob had to leave. I grabbed my bookbag. I forgot to ask Jacob if I could borrow his phone to call Alec, so I was going to ask Bella instead. With my bookbag slung over one arm I made my way down the hall.

"How has Edward been Bella?"

Mom. I bit the inside of my cheek. A small part of me wanted to rush into the room and give her a hug. I wanted to forgive both her and Carlisle for everything, but at the same time, I knew I might feel differently in the morning. I figured they would be here when I got back so I snuck past the room. I wrapped my arms tightly around my body. I had no idea where Alec lived so I couldn't just show up at his dorm. At this point I was questioning if I even cared about our acting final anymore.

My studying had been shit lately, I missed out on the last few lectures, and I was already prepared for my GPA to take a nosedive. Right now I really didn't give a fuck about school, my life was too fucked up to think about it. The air was cooler than it had been earlier. I walked along the moonlit path with my head bent. My thoughts racing a mile a minute.

"Edward Cullen," A black tinted window rolled down.

Alec.

He waved me over. I balled my fist. I wondered again if Jane was the one who attacked Alice. If it was her, did Alec have any idea. I walked over to his car and stooped down to look inside. He was smiling and carefree as if he didn't have the slightest clue about anything.

"Our final is tomorrow and we have nothing."

"I know." I managed running my hands through my hair. "I've been distracted, you know, we talked about it."

"Going somewhere?" Alec asked.

"Actually I was looking for you."

Alec stared at me blankly for a second. "Well then that makes two of us. We just need like thirty minutes to get this final together and then we can practice it on our own. I'll have you back here in record time so you can get back to Emmett or Jake...I can't really keep track who you're fucking these days." He laughed nonchalantly.

My lips thinned. "What the fuck did you just say to me."

Alec's smile fell. "Woah." His cheeks reddened. "I was just kidding." His dark hair fell into his eyes. "I just learned my lesson no more joking with you tonight because you are on edge." Alec swallowed. "I heard about what happened to your sister."

"How?" I said through clenched teeth.

"Get in the car." Alec said softly. "I'll let my sister explain."

"No Alec, why don't _you_ explain to me. And get out of the car while you're at it."

"Why?" Alec challenged. "Do you want to fight me for trying to be a good friend to you."

I backed off and looked away.

"I convinced Jane that we're running away. She's home now." Alec looked like he was about to cry. "I love her, but I can only turn a blind eye to so much. I set it up, so you can get her to confess, and then my hands will be clean. You can't tell her that I had anything to do with this because she'll never forgive me. So get in. We're running out of time."

I swallowed. "I can't."

"She told me she did it." Alec said. "She came home bragging to me about beating up your sister. So if you don't do this then I can't stop her and I won't." Alec took his foot off the brake so his car started to inch ahead slowly. "Forget I said anything Edward."

"Wait."

Alec pressed the brakes. The red light flickered in the firefly lit night. I walked towards his car, and hesitantly, very hesitantly, I got in.

Thirty minutes later we pulled up to a house. I had no idea where we were. I didn't expect for him to take me all the way out here, I had just assumed that he lived somewhere near campus. I wanted to ask him how much further, but I didn't want to give any indication that I was afraid. On the way there Alec listened to rock and roll music and drummed his hands on the steering wheel. He acted as if everything was fine, as if he hadn't just revealed to me, that his sister was the one that attacked mine.

"Jane isn't the brightest so she's probably still in her room packing her suitcase." Alec snorted. "Thanks for coming Edward. We really needed to discuss this."

"Discuss what." I said raising my chin.

"How completely amazing you are." Alec opened the front door. "Come in."

I took in a deep breath.

Alec smiled a little. "Why are you looking at me like I'm Hannibal Lector? I'm your friend Edward. Remember I got over my hate for you because you're a cool guy. You're outstanding. Everyone's best friend. Who doesn't love Edward Cullen?" Alec reached for my hand. "Come in Eddie." He wrinkled his nose.

I yanked my hand free. "What the fuck kind of game are you playing."

Alec sighed. "The same game I've been playing all along Angel. The same game I've played on Rosalie, Jane, and you. I've fooled you all and it was so much fun. I'm just so embarrassed for you guys because it really is pathetic how easily I fooled you. Pretend to care. Pretend that Jane is such a bitch. Pretend that it wasn't me that set my parents house on fire. The world really is made up of stupid people. And when Jane gets here I'll make sure to thank her for being such a believable red herring."

Alec threw his head back and laughed. "So I believe we have a final act to write Edward? Should you die in the beginning or the end, because either way I have a few bullets saved for you...and Emmett too. He never wanted me and well I have a big problem with that. Now get your ass in this house, before I do more than beat your sister up. I'll kill her too."

* * *

Review guys! Two more until the end:)


	27. Human

**AN**: I'm not sure how many readers I have left after a year long hiatus (and some change) but I have to say that I am thankful to the readers who sent me PM's and reviewed this story while I was away. The truth is that I was always going to finish this story, because this story, has become something that I love dearly, as well as the people who bother to read this and review it, because let's face it this story is a monster! So thank you my loves for sticking with me, dealing with all the emotion I put into this story, because if reading this story is a roller coaster, imagine how it is to write it! For a while I knew now what was coming in these last two chapters, espescially this one, and I needed to take a break because I wanted to get the emotion right...I'm not sure if it came out exactly how I wanted it, but I can't make you guys wait anymore. Thanks for your patience and support and of course your encouragement. Because of you guys I've been seriously considering trying to get published...not this story, because I wrote this story for ya'll, but something original and different, but of course has all these crazy things going on but is essentially about the characters, love, growth, and friendship. And I would like to dedicate this chapter to **Lady Dream Speed** because you're review really touched me. You seem really sweet and I hope that you find a good guy, someone who loves you, and is worthy of the awesomeness that you are!

Also, guys this chapter includes violence...and a character death. Dangerous words I know. One more chapter until the end...and the next one won't take a year, hopefully one to two weeks at most. Love, Maddie.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing but Riley Briere.

Chapter 27- Human

**Jacob**

**Are we done yet**?

Fuckin' Hell. How long could we fucking study for this exam? I was beyond ready to grab my shit and go. I swore that we had been in McKeldin for the last four hours talking about the same damn thing in circles. My mind was restless and I was starving like a mofo. I needed food, Edward, and sex, but not necessarily in that order. My stomach twisted at the thought of _sex_, because whenever I thought about it, it was like an electric shock tore through my body and my brain chastised me for trying to feed that monster.

Sexual gratification should be the last thing on my mind, after all, since spring break Edward's life had turned into a series of bad _Days of our Lives_ episodes. It started with Esme and Carlisle telling him that they weren't his birth parents and that Elizabeth was his mom. And not to mention the whole twin thing. I couldn't imagine growing up thinking Rebecca was my twin sister and then my parents doing the jig and Harlem shake and singing 'Hey Jake we punk'd your ass. And PS you're not even our son! Take that bitch.'

The chastising was effective, my dick was no longer a concern, but it was still poking at my jeans. I sighed and looked down at my jeans. My dick didn't seem to realize that I had move on. _No action buddy_. My cheeks flushed with warmth as I tried to occupy myself with other thoughts...like the clear blue of Edward's eyes, or the deep emerald green when they changed color. The freckles that clustered like constellations around his nose. And the way he smiled shyly, the smile of a sweet southern boy, who picked peaches down in Georgia, and then came up to Maryland to both love and fix the mess that was me.

I smiled to myself. My furtive smile made the sharp-nosed girl with the beady lazy give me a look. Her breath smelled like garlic bread and sardines and throughout the whole study session any reaction, or lack of reaction had warranted a look from her. Now her unibrow was arched, like a bird flying across her five head, and her crusty upper lip, stained with dried milk...or whatever the fuck it was...was snarled a little bit to show the sexy shade of custard that was her teeth.

I passed her a look, and she looked away. The rest of the study session dragged on with me looking at the clock, tuning everyone out, and thinking about Edward. When everyone got up to leave including custard yellow sardine girl I accepted my fate. I came to McKeldin to study for finals. To improve my grade in a class that I would most likely get a D in, possibly a C at best...and now that D was looking D for _definite_.

But so what. I was alive. I was fucking alive. I started the semester as a candidate for AA, and I ended the semester with a new thirst for life, it sounded dumb as hell, but it was true. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I didn't want to mourn my life away anymore, or be sad, or swallow down my demons until the world became black and barren. I wanted the sun. I wanted air. I wanted to run, and enjoy the time I had. This new perspective, this life that Edward had breathed in to me.

That crazed smile graced my face again and I had to look down from meeting anyone else's eyes. I walked out of McKeldin and took in a huge mouthful of the crisp May air. It was one of those perfect days when the sun was out, the sky was a brilliant shade of blue, and students were everywhere on the lawn. Playing Frisbee, frantically studying for finals, or laying out in the grass. I rubbed Testudo's nose for good luck, smirking at the offerings students had given him for godly assistance in passing their finals. I rubbed the brass turtle not for good luck, because Testudo always gave me F's, but instead, because we would be parting company until sophomore year.

As I got ready to head back towards North Campus I saw a familiar face sitting in the grass, two familiar faces actually. Leah and Paul. I considered continuing on my way, but something stopped me, something pulled me in their direction, and once Leah glanced up, strands of dark hair flying in her eyes I knew it was too late to abort the mission.

Her hair was significantly shorter, she had a Rhianna bob going on, pre the whole dye my hair Ronald McDonald red look. I thought it looked pretty. She smiled at me. Her eyes were careful, but her smile was sincere. I nodded my head in her direction with my hands shoved in my board shorts, and I looked at Paul. He had on a cocky smile, a Jacob 'I still have no idea that you're gay smile' Leah probably hadn't told him yet. Or maybe he knew? I wasn't sure what was going on in his life, or Quil's and Embry's for that matter. This year had made us all strangers in more ways than one.

"How's it going Jake?" Leah asked.

"Pretty chill," I answered lamely.

Paul mimicked me. "I still say you got into a fancy college and turned all proper and forgot about the boys who made you." He playfully punched me in the leg telling me that he was joking, or half joking. "So you and Leah are really done?"

I looked at Leah.

"_Yeah_," she said tucking her hair behind her ear.

Paul looked down. "That's weird." His eyebrows furrowed and for a second it looked like he was going to say something profound, something well thought out, but then he just burped and said it smelled like salami. Leah looked at him in disgust and I felt a wave of pity.

I wasn't better than him, we were pretty much cut from the same cloth. In fact if Edward hadn't come around the sad thing was I probably would've became Paul. Stuck in Ellicott City on the farm, hating Brent and sometimes Rachel, but stuck under their roof, boozing it up, and wallowing in misery. No matter what Paul said, I knew he didn't want the life he had. Working as a mechanic. Living at his grandma's. Staying behind while his friends moved on to bigger and better cliché things.

Paul snickered to himself and then his eyes fixed on me again. He shielded his eyes from the sun. "You got somewhere else you got to be Black?"

Leah looked away from her book. She was pensive, but the kind of pensive I couldn't read. I was all too tempted to tell Paul that I would hang out with him when I got back to Ellicott City but Leah mouthed for me to '_stay_' and so I did.

I sat down. Leah made room for me. My knee brushed against Paul's and he didn't bother to move. "So Paul what are you doing at Maryland? Are you hear to seek revenge for Bells shaving off your eyebrows?" I playfully smoothed down his eyebrows. "You don't look like Whoopi Goldberg anymore...but there is still some Jar Jar Binks in you."

Paul flicked me off. "Suck my dick Black."

I almost responded, "Sorry, there's only one dick I want to swallow...and horribly at that...and he's waiting for me in the dorm," But thankfully Leah cut me off.

"When is the last time we all watched Star Wars?" she asked.

"In fucking ever!" Paul said.

"Remember when Seth and Jake used to dress up to watch the movies...Seth was Anakin and Jake was..." Paul scratched his head. "Jake who the _fuck _were you?"

I blushed. "I don't remember this nonsense you're speaking of."

"He was Chewbacca!" Leah howled.

I passed her a look and whispered. "I hate you."

She affectionately squeezed my shoulder and her touch felt nice. Just because that touch wasn't laced with the feeling of wanting to shank me and walk away crooked, not run, but walk...because she wanted to see me bleed out for deserting her for Edward.

"I only dressed up because Seth begged me to. Ya'll were evil." I pointed accusingly at them both. "The kid was in tears because no one would play with him."

"Always a sucker for Seth." Paul shook his head with a smile. "Seth's number one fan, even if the kid got away with murder, Jake would be the first to defend him. Loyal as ever to a damn fault."

Leah chewed on her lip. "You guys should catch up sometime." She gestured between Paul and I.

"Yeah," Paul said massaging his forehead with his middle finger. "I hate all that mushy shit, but Jacob Black, I missed making fun of your ass."

"You missed me?" I asked.

"I missed making _fun_ of you." He corrected.

I licked my lips. That was as close as I was ever going to get to Paul admitting that he cared. "Well I missed making fun of you too. Are you still massaging you're grandma's crusty eagle talon toes every night."

Paul grinned. "She pays me good money for that. I'll be able to buy a car...and a real car too with the money she's given me over the years. Better than that Rabbit you got."

I shrugged. "I love my Rabbit."

We sat in silence for a few moments. The sun was beginning to set slowly casting shadows over the mall and on the sidewalks lined with trees and buildings.

"I probably should be heading back home. I promised Seth that we would go out to a fancy restaurant, order something pricey and then run out before paying the tab."

Leah hit him over the head. "Hey don't get my brother arrested idiot."

Paul narrowed his eyes at her, "It will be exciting for Seth but not for me, because I'll pay the tab ahead of time." He smiled and gestured towards me, "Jake and I used to do that all the time, except we didn't pay. Even when he was pretending to be a good boy before the whole..." Paul trailed off and I knew what he was going to say was, 'before the accident'

Paul chewed on his lip and for the second time he looked at me seriously as if there was something else he wanted to say. "So you and Edward are butt buddies?"

"_Jesus Christ_." Leah snipped.

Paul looked at her, "Yeah. Seth is cute and all. But the kid talks. If you look up verbal diarrhea in the dictionary you'll find his face."

Leah crossed her arms. "Paul, just leave it alone."

"No." He held up his hand and he looked at me. Really looked at me. "First of all I knew Edward was gay from the second I laid eyes on him."

"I am going to go and get some air." Leah closed her book and stood up.

"Okay, or you could just say you don't want to be here for this talk because." Paul gestured around, "There is _air_ all around us."

Leah flicked him off. "I'll be back." She gestured towards her purse. "Don't eat all my Geneva cookies or I'll fuck you up."

Paul reached for her purse, but she snatched it up, and then hit him in the head with it. The purse jingled like there were rocks and bricks in it, and he stared back at her like a wounded puppy. With that Leah the warrior sauntered away, hard as stone on the outside, but soft and understanding on the inside, whenever she decided that it was time to concede.

I licked my lips and cracked my knuckles. My hands were clammy and suddenly shaking. I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I was with Edward and I loved him to death. He was everything to me and if Paul couldn't understand that then he was _nothing_ to me. I defensively rattled off an extensive list of all the things I could say to Paul if he attacked my relationship.

We hadn't talked in a while so I didn't care what he thought. 2.) If I had to choose Edward over him. I'd choose Edward. _In a second_. 3.) Paul was no better than Rachel. If he really loved me then he wouldn't make me choose. Because I didn't want to have to choose, even if I already knew it wouldn't be him.

Paul swallowed. I watched as his adam's apple bobbed up and down. That smirk on his face receded with the sun behind the trees and he looked somber. I'd never really seen him sad, like the kind of sad, where the only thing left to do was cry. Well with the exception of my mom's funeral. The day came back to me as I studied his face and the shadows and contours underneath his eyes struggling to hide all emotion.

It was cold even though the day before had been warm. I didn't speak much to anyone. I felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I just walked. Half felt. Half lived. Barely breathed. Didn't even eat. It was like an out of body experience, People talked to me and expressed their condolences but I didn't actually see them or feel them touching me. All I knew was that I was a kid. I was a kid who just the other day was too embarrassed to be hugged by his mom on the football field. A kid who passed up grocery shopping with his mom, and listening to her sing to Jackson 5's, _I'll be there_, in the car, because his friends were more important.

All I could think about was that she was gone. She was gone and never coming back. I had the rest of my life to live without my mom. And that was the saddest thing ever. At the funeral Paul sat beside me and Rachel, but he didn't focus on _her,_ He put his arm around me. And there was something beautiful about that, because Paul was unemotional, a monster at times, completely insensitive, but when I needed him, he was there, and he looked at me. So sad and so honest. A look that read.

"If I could fix this Jake. I would fix it for you."

Paul's face scrunched up and he slammed his fist into my arm. "For the record Seth didn't just tell me. He would never betray you like that. He told me he saw you and I asked what was up with Mr. College Park." He pointed at me, and smiled again, but it was very sad, and then he looked away. "He didn't want to tell me and that fucking pissed me off. 'Cause you know what, I may be the last person you want to be trapped on an island with, but I think I deserve to know what's going on in my buddy's life even if I give him hell for it."

"Seth blew up at me. He told me that maybe you don't tell me everything because you don't feel like you can talk to me because apparently I'm the king of douches." Paul rolled his eyes. He scowled and then he looked around again. "I practically forced Seth to tell me the truth. I refused to leave until he did. I told him I would camp out in his room like I was waiting for a fucking million dollar check from Publisher's Clearing House to arrive at his door, and then he caved."

"He asked me if I could ever hate you. And I didn't even have to think. No. I couldn't hate you. Not ever. Because you're my fucked up brother, and I'm your fucked up...whatever, neglected cousin from West Virginia." He was speaking so fast, mouthing off, trying to get out all his emotions, before the clock struck midnight and he turned back into a pumpkin that all I could do was listen. "I guessed that you were gay with Edward because of the way Edward looked at you. He looked at you like he loved you like he really..." Paul's lips thinned, "I think it's weird Jake. Honestly..."

"Well..." I croaked.

"I can't wrap my head around you laying with another dude...it's just..."

"Not something you'll ever understand. I'm not going to force you too..."

Paul clenched his jaw, "Before you write me off..."

"I'm not writing you off. I'm just _with_ Edward and I love him and I'm going to choose him..."

Paul's eyebrows furrowed and that somber look came again. "You know Jake, I'm an ass but sometimes so are you." I didn't know what to say. "I was never going to ask you to choose between me and him. I already knew that you would never choose me. Which is why I would never ask, but hearing you say it, just blurt it out..." He moved his mouth to the side. "I was going to say it's weird for me, and maybe I'll never understand why you want to be with a guy...but I love you to death, and I'll try and understand for you...over time."

I swallowed and I looked down guiltily. "Paul my defenses were up, I didn't mean..."

"Put those fucking _hackles_ down." He passed me a weak laugh. "I don't blame you though. It's okay. I know you didn't mean it." Paul chewed on his lip. "Jake there's something I wanted to tell you too."

I rested my hand against my cheek. "You want to date Leah?"

Paul looked at me blankly and then laughed. "What! She's fucking Xena. She'll have me black and blue in the span of a month. She likes control to much...and I couldn't take a girl _that_ aggressive 24/7." He chuckled some more. "No I don't want to date Leah," He reiterated, "But I do want to do something with my life. This year I had a lot of time to think while everyone was away _doing something_ and I was stuck in neutral keeping company with myself. I don't want to be a forty year old nobody who is still living at home with his grandma, unmarried, and pathetic...I want to make someone proud of me. I want to be someone."

Paul wrung his hands. "College isn't for me but..." He moved his mouth to the side. "I think the Army is."

My eyebrows furrowed and I almost laughed in his face, but speaking of _inappropriate_. He was probably just kidding anyways. Paul in the army, nah, no way. He was too selfish and lazy to be in the army. But the look in his eyes told me he was as serious as Lindsay Lohan's comeback career, well maybe that was a bad comparison. "The army?"

"Hey don't judge me...you jumped ship way before me. From vagina to cock."

"You've always been so eloquent." I tilted my head to the side, "Do you even know what the army does."

"Jacob, I'm an American of course I fucking know what the army does. Blow shit up." He chewed on his lip. "I know I'm not the number one candidate for the army, but it's honorable. I liked GI Joe when I was a kid...and the movie was pretty awesome."

"No, it was pretty horrible. And GI Joe isn't the same thing. In the army you go to war, and you get guns, and you kill things, and things try to kill you..."

Paul seemed to think about it and then he said, "If I died would you miss me?"

"What kind of fucked up question is that?"

Apparently the question was a serious one because he stared hard in the direction of the Financial Aid building. Clearly, my suddenly _emotional _estranged West Virginia cousin needed me to say yes.

"Paul if you _died_ I would probably cry."

He smiled, but that smile was gone in a second because he had a _hetero_ reputation to upkeep. "Okay _Jackie_."

I let that one slide, because regardless of the team I was on I could still kick his ass. "You know what I realized..." When he didn't ask me _what_ I continued anyways. "It's true, you really don't miss someone until they're gone. And even if you're a jerk douchebag ass face I don't want you to be gone."

"Now all we need is Oprah and giant spoons with Rocky Road to share." Paul said, betraying his hetero, to smile earnestly again.

"I want mint chocolate chip." Paul rolled his eyes and I patted him on the back. "So are you serious about this whole army thing?"

"I'm serious." Paul said. "You guys are growing up...and eventually I have to grow up too."

I watched as Leah made her way back over to us.

"If you go..." I licked my lips. "Even if after this talk we don't speak for weeks promise me you won't go without at least saying goodbye."

Paul nodded.

"And another thing...if the army doesn't throw you out on your worthless ass, and for some reason they decide that you're army material...promise me if you ever go to war..." I frowned. "Promise me you won't die on me."

Paul looked up and his eyes closed slightly. He looked sad. I could tell that the army was his last chance for redemption. He was getting left behind and he was aware of that. But in the end...everybody...even the nobody's...wanted to be somebody.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

"I probably should be getting back," Emmett said softly as he stared back at the damp and naked boy beside him. He couldn't help but to marvel and smile at the fact that he had spent most of the day with this uniquely _strange_ boy and he hadn't gotten anywhere near giving a blow job, or receiving one, and sex...well they hadn't gotten anywhere near that.

Rosalie said that he had a problem. He didn't know how to receive love so he gave it out frivolously like she charged her platinum cards...in effect saying that his ass was no more than a shopping spree. He never bothered to correct her that usually he was the top and only rarely did he allow his ass...to be _plundered_ for the lack of naughtier words. Emmett sat up slightly and stared at Riley to make sure he'd heard him.

The silvery moon cast swathes of light on Riley's pale skin. His dirty blonde hair hung in his eyes, and somehow he had obtained bubbles and he was blowing them towards the moon, like an enchanted child. Emmett licked his lips and he fell back against the dock, folding his arms behind his head.

"I know I already said this but Austin, my little brother, would love you."

"Did you have fun today?" Riley asked.

Emmett turned his head to Riley and stretched out his hands towards the moon to catch some of his bubbles. "Sometimes you just need to get away."

"On a rocket ship to the moon. High up in the stars and past all the planets. Hey, what's your favorite planet?"

"Hmm..."

"Jupiter?" Riley guessed.

"No it's too fucking big...and it has all those storms."

Riley smiled. "Venus?"

"Too boring. What's yours."

"Pluto."

Emmett smiled softly. "Somehow, I'm not surprised."

"So what happened to you Emmett?" Riley's tone softened.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked confused.

"You spent the whole day with me, listening to me talk about goblins and planets. It's bit usual that a guy like you would be entertained with what I had to say unless I was sucking you off...and I haven't done that yet."

"Are you offering?" Emmett teased even though he had no intentions of getting head from such an awesomely strange soul.

"You're hot. Like really really hot. But it's not often that I meet a guy who could just listen to me talk in circles for half of the time. I can talk and talk and talk, and I get distracted by...oh look fireflies...and as I was saying. You've been so nice and you have a pretty smile and you asked me about Alabama and listened to my story about trees and Jasper likes you...which makes me love you...because Jasper doesn't keep friends, he's kind of antisocial and _Grr._..but..."

"Breathe, baby, breathe!" Emmett teased.

Riley stopped speaking and he giggled...he giggled like Edward and Emmett felt his heart lurch. He realized again, something that he had realized before, but hadn't been able to coherently rationalize. Riley reminded him of Edward in an _off_ kind of way. He was patient, and he was kind...and when he looked at you...he really looked at you as if he cared to see who was hiding underneath. Emmett had many faces but he was sure only three people in the world knew who he was, Austin, Rosalie, and Edward, and now, he felt as if Riley could possibly get to know him.

It made him sad, scared, and happy at the same time. Because Emmett was used to being the jerk. It was the easiest role for him to play. But the truth was underneath all the layers of jerk, he was insecure, and maybe a little scared...and when Edward chose Jacob over him, that jerk side of him wanted to emerge more prominently and consume whatever humanity he had left. Because sometimes it hurt too much to just be...human.

"What's your favorite song?" Riley asked.

"My default answer would be _Wild Thing_ but my real favorite song is _Name_ by Goo Goo Dolls."

Riley sat up and he pretended to stroke an imaginary guitar and he sung along to the lyrics. He had a voice like honey that made Emmett drunk with the possibility of a cure. But the second Riley stopped singing Emmett looked away.

"Hey? You didn't take your insulin all day." Emmett remembered.

"Oh?" Riley frowned. "I guess I didn't."

"Take it right now...fuck you should probably check your levels...how do you feel?"

Riley stared at Emmett with blank silver eyes. "I'm okay."

"No, take your insulin, if anything happens to you on my watch then Jasper would kill me, and he's from Alabama...so I know he's good with a gun." When Riley didn't take any initiative to take his insulin Emmett got up and pulled the medication out of the bag. "Alcohol wipes...oh good. Ha, Jasper even though to keep it cool for you, he's like your mother..." Emmett smirked. "Or _boyfriend_."

"We just look after each other." Riley said. "Like how you're friend Rosalie looks after you."

Emmett stared into Riley's eyes. "Where is the last place you shot up."

Riley smiled. And pointed to a spot on his arm.

"Is here safe?" He touched Riley's arm.

"I think so."

"I need you to _know_ so Riley."

The fireflies danced around them. Emmett lost Riley's attention as Riley reached out his arm to touch the fireflies.

"There is fine." Riley said dreamily.

Emmett cleaned both the needle and then spot on Riley's upper arm. He was careful not to get any air bubbles and he gave Riley his insulin shot. "That was my first time. I hope you live."

Riley looked down at his arm, his long blonde eyelashes tickling his cheek, and then he popped up quickly to plant a kiss on Emmett's cheek.

Emmett's cheeks burned, "Woah, what was that for?"

"I have a million and one post-its all over the place. Riley you cannot eat too much chocolate. Maybe none at all. Riley clean up your room. Riley remember, you always forget, you even forget to remember. Call Jasper because he hasn't called you. Remember, remember, remember, post-it, post-it, because if I don't remember I go into diabetic shock and hypoglycemia is really no fun..." He took in a breath, "And you remembered because I forgot."

Emmett's eyes softened. "When Jasper isn't there...who reminds you?"

Riley smiled but didn't answer.

Emmett bit the inside of his cheek. "You can't mess with diabetes. You..." He paused and he laughed in spite of himself. "Can't you tell I want to be a doctor?"

"Well you have awesome beside manner...well awesome beside eyes."

Emmett moved his mouth to the side. "You're a flirt you know that?"

Riley nodded. "I know." He brought his knees to his chest and stared out at the water. "I'm glad that I could distract you for a little bit. You distracted me too. I had fun."

"Me too," Emmett said rising to his feet.

"Emmett,"

"Yeah?"

"I won't forget to take my insulin anymore if you promise..."

Emmett placed his hands on his hips. The fireflies danced off the shimmering water, and the moonlight caught Riley's damp curls as he bent his head back to look up at Emmett.

"Promise me you'll let someone else see what I saw."

Emmett looked around. "And what did you see...besides my fourteen inch cock?"

"Well I'm sure I'm not the only one who's seen _that_." Riley smiled mischievously and then a certain innocence filled his big silver eyes. "Promise me that you won't hide behind your skin. Promise me that you'll smile...and make someone else see...one of the most beautiful things there is too see. _You._"

Emmett moved his mouth to the side and an unexplainable feeling of sadness came over him. Riley had said some of the kindest things today to him, in fact, some of the kindest things that anyone had ever said to him. Riley stood and he placed his hand on Emmett's shoulders, and his hand traveled down to his heart.

His touch was warm...and it felt safe. His touch was disarming. Riley leaned away from Emmett and then he leaned in again placing a soft kiss on his chest, right where his heart beat.

Emmett's lips quivered and he looked away because he couldn't believe the feeling of Riley's lips on his skin, right near his chest, touched him so profoundly. And then Riley did something else...clearly he was determined to make Emmett feel something, because he wrapped his arms around Emmett's muscular figure. Riley could barely hold him, but he wrapped him up, and he gave him warmth. Warmth and love.

The kind of love Emmett wanted from Edward, the kind of love he needed underneath it all...a stranger was giving him that. Emmett cleared his mind and he surrendered himself to the moment. He grabbed a fistful of Riley's hair holding him close, and he rested his nose in his hair.

Riley smelled like seawater and chocolate.

"Thank you," Emmett said. And he meant that thank you more than he had ever meant anything else in his life.

* * *

**Jane's POV**

She had come so close to death today. She was on the edge of the building and she was prepared to jump. She wanted too...because she was so sure that death was the only way to rid the world of the evil monster she had become.

It almost felt unnatural to Jane to still be standing and breathing in air in the dorm room bathroom. She felt like she was in some alternate reality where she was saved and loved. All the things that she didn't deserve, because the truth was that she had been a horrible person. A person who cut down others, and sold out her friends, treated her brother like shit, and cursed a sweet girl, Alice, because she won the boy, the boy Jane had considered _her_ unworthy redemption, Jasper.

She had done all these horrid things and by some grace of God she was still standing here. Her legs felt like angel hair pasta, and the tears wouldn't stop running. She felt alive and aware, and the sadness was almost unbearable, but it wasn't that unbearable where she felt the need to drive to Baltimore again and jump from the World Trade Center. The saddest thing now was how low she'd gotten today.

She hadn't realized she was that low, well she realized it, but it didn't really register that the end had come so close. Jumping to her death, The quick shot of pain, the unrecognizable remains. What would that do to Alec? He already lost their parents in a fire...her death would devastate him, she'd been so reckless, and irresponsible and wretched.

And sad. A sad little girl who thought the world was out to get her. A sad little girl who bred her misery and mistook it for love. A sad little girl...who wanted to live...who wanted to be human...who wanted to be forgiven...and given the second chance to apologize until she couldn't apologize anymore because she realized something insightful today.

When she was on that building and Alice ran up the stairs and burst through that door, she realized that no matter how awful she was there was someone, one person, in this world who cared despite all her sins, one person who cared even though they didn't have too.

As she stared back at her reflection, eyes circled with deep bags, tasseled blonde hair, and dull lifeless orbs, she saw the bathroom door swing open behind her. They wouldn't allow her to be alone. Even though Alice's parents were in her dorm, Alice still managed to alternate with Jasper to run an effective suicide watch mission. Jane assured them that she wasn't hiding any razors or poison to digest...but they remained on her like white on rice.

She was confused and lost. But their company, even if it was pity company felt nice. Because she felt cold and alone. And honestly she didn't want to die.

Alice took a seat on the edge of the sink.

Jane touched her cheek and met Alice's soft eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"But I should because you..."

Alice placed her hand on Jane's shoulder, "Everything that happened in the past is forgotten."

"But you can't just forget like that." Jane looked down and sniffled. "I was a bitch to you, just because I..."

"Tried to _kill_ yourself."

Jane paused and blinked away the tears.

"I would be the monster if I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive you after that." Alice's eyes misted. "Jane, you know about my friend Dylan."

Jane sniffled again and nodded.

"I was too late. He died...and he died horribly and I..." Alice exhaled and looked down. "I never got over that...and I don't think I ever will. But I guess I had to find some kind of peace with it, because if I didn't, it would eat me up alive, until there's nothing left. And when sadness wins..."

Jane wiped furtively at a tear traveling down her cheek. "I..." her eyebrows furrowed. "Something's wrong with me. I'm not right. What I did...the things I've done...I just..."

Alice leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Jane. "I said I forgive you Jane. I forgive you, I forgive you, I **FORGIVE** you."

Jane allowed Alice to hug her until she felt nothing at all. She had cried so much today that she wasn't sure if she could cry anymore. Now all she wanted to do was collapse into her bed and imagine that all of this was a dream until the sun rose tomorrow. When Alice pulled away she jumped off the sink and reached for Jane's hand.

"You don't have to do this alone anymore." Alice led Jane out of the bathroom. The lights in the hallway were blindingly bright. Jane felt as if she was walking back into the real world. She huddled against Alice...because she didn't want to lose life, she didn't want it to disappear after she had just gotten it back.

Alice squeezed Jane's shoulder and she led Jane towards her dorm room.

"I don't want..." Jane started even though she wasn't sure what it was exactly that she didn't want. Maybe it was people, all those people watching her, and knowing how horrible she was, and even worse that today she tried to kill herself. Jasper and Alice were okay...but everyone...she didn't want everyone to know. She didn't want to see their questioning eyes, and their pity. She still too emotionally fragile.

"It's okay Jane," Alice assured. "We didn't tell anyone. Jasper and I are going to drive you home, but I just need to get him, okay?"

Reluctantly Jane nodded, she eased her hand out of Alice's though, falling back into the black space of near death and shadows. Alice's room was bright and bubbly. There were a lot of people there. The boy Alec liked...Emmett, Jasper, some blonde boy she didn't know, Bella, who was giving her a dirty look, Jacob, and Alice's parents.

Jane huddled into a corner.

"What is _she_..." Bella started.

"Has anyone heard from Edward?" Alice intercepted.

"I've been calling his phone for the last hour." Jacob said worriedly. His cheeks flushed. "I'll try again? This isn't like him."

"Jake." Bella touched his arm. "Remember he lost his phone and..." Bella gestured towards Alice.

"_Fuck_," He clenched his jaw. "So how am I supposed to reach him."

Jane studied the twin's parents. They hadn't noticed her at all. The woman was pregnant and about to pop. She looked like she was either on the verge of tears or breaking her water, and the father was patiently worried if there was such a thing. While Jane hoped they found Edward, she was relieved to have something else to worry and think about.

"Maybe he doesn't want to be found." The dad said.

"Carlisle..."

"Esme, since we told him..." Carlisle paused, "He's still angry and confused and I think it's plausible with everything that's going on he isn't ready to talk."

"But we are _still_ his parents." She said on the verge of tears. "No matter how angry he is with us, he wouldn't just leave without telling _someone_ where he's going!"

"Guys," Bella jumped up from her bed. "This isn't _Unsolved Mysteries_ or _Roswell_ I'm sure Edward is fine. Maybe he's studying for finals?"

"I doubt it." Alice said, mirroring a fraction of the same concern as her mom. "He's been like a guard dog since I got attacked. He barely even lets me pee without his shadow trailing behind me."

Jane felt both Bella and Jacob look at her. Alice stepped in front of her blocking their glares. Jane's eyebrows furrowed. **Wait**. Did they think that _she_ was the one that attacked Alice? A sick feeling permeated throughout her body. Did Alice think the same...

"Maybe he is studying." Jasper volunteered taking a 'be calm' front with Bella.

"Jazz and I will go to McKeldin." Bella volunteered.

"I was just there." Jacob spoke up. "I didn't see him."

"McKeldin is huge Jake, it's not like you can track his scent or you respond to his blood." Bella teased. "He could be there, in one of those little cubicles at the very top. I've seen him up there before, sandwiched in those narrow spaces with all of those old books." Bella said.

"That's a good idea Bella." Carlisle said. "Where else do you think he could be? Um...what about friends."

"You're looking at them." Bella said.

"What about Alec?" Jacob volunteered.

Jane's ears perked at the mention of her brother.

"Ed and that _kid _had some kind of drama project they were working on." Jacob's voice rose with inflection. "He's probably at his house or something? I can check there."

Alice turned around to look at Jane, "Is that okay?"

"What?" Jane whispered.

"If Jake takes you home?"

Jane nodded, because she didn't want to be anymore of a problem that she had already been. "I'll give you directions." Jane said quietly.

Once again both Bella and Jacob met her with hostile eyes. Clearly they both hated her. Jane looked down.

"Jake, she's on our side." Jasper said as if this was some kind of movie and she had abandoned her allegiance to Nazi Germany in exchange for the good guys. Jacob seemed hesitant to accept Jasper's comment, but when Alice confirmed by saying,

"She's our friend, just please, trust us tonight."

Jacob nodded, but Bella, kept that icy glare.

"Okay so where do you live Jane?" Carlisle asked.

"Finksburg...well, that's where our uncle brought an extra house. Kind of like a vacation stay." Jane licked her dry lips. _I'm alive_. But death was still cold on her skin.

"We should go." Jacob said very business like.

Jane could tell that he loved Edward. He loved him a lot.

"Em, could you go with him?" Alice asked.

Jacob paused. "I don't need _him_ to go with me."

Emmett shrugged. "I want to find him too...and I don't want to just stand here so Jake I'm coming with you."

Alice walked over to Emmett and whispered something in his ear. Emmet's eyes connected with Jane, and he nodded. Alice tapped his arm and Emmett tilted his head towards the door signaling for Jane to follow after Jacob who had left them both.

"So he _hates_ me." Emmett said.

Jane pinched her arm to force herself to try and respond back. "Why?" she asked flatter than she intended.

"Because I'm a homewrecker. I wanted his boyfriend...and he's all territorial."

Jane managed a weak smile. "My brother was in love with you."

"I wasn't in love with your brother."

_Keep talking Jane_. She pinched herself again to keep from falling into the coma of shadows and darkness. That purgatory world of the living and dead. She wanted to live. She wanted to live. She pinched herself again. Walk. Talk. Breathe. Smile. Talk. _You're Alive_. "Why?" Jane asked.

"Hurry up you two!" Jacob barked.

"Anything for you oh master." Emmett called after him with a dimpled smile. But clearly his mind was also elsewhere. He looked down at Jane. "Your brother..." He moved his mouth to the side. "I know you're his twin and all but the truth is that he tries too hard. He tries too hard to be someone he's not...I spent time with him...more time than I care to remember and I don't think he said one honest thing to me."

"He's honest." Jane said.

"I've caught him in lies." Emmett countered. "He's a lot of things but honest he is not."

Jane looked down, "If he lied to you...he didn't mean it. Alec has so much love to give...so much that he doesn't know what to do with."

Emmett didn't respond after that and Jane had to pinch herself again.

* * *

**Jacob POV**

Enemy #1 was in the passenger's seat. _Where is my fucking eject button_. And enemy # 2 was hunched in the back wide eyed and depressed looking like someone just killed her cat. I was feeling a little hostile and on edge. Ever since Enemy # 1 got in my car, he was opening the dashboards and inspecting the car like he was about to do an appraisal and enemy # 2 was just mute. She was acting mousy and sweet, but I remembered how **Chucky** she was at that coffee shop when she thought I was coming onto Jasper and her head started to spin like Ursula.

The rabbit was too quiet so I turned on the radio. I perpetually kept the music on this old school 80's station, just because 80's music was Edward's dirty secret...and when I listened to this station it reminded me of the good ol' days, when Ed Monkey made his appearance, stoned on weed brownies, and he kissed me in the bathroom.

If I had a list of greatest hits. That night would rank pretty high. Not for the craziness, but for the closeness...a cool crisp night, huddled in Bella's truck, listening to Judy Branchstorm and her epic fail of a trying to be sexy voice, when she just sounded like an old man who smoked too much. If Edward was in the car I would probably mimic her voice right now, but he wasn't here, hopefully he was with Satan's other doppelganger Alec.

"So someone had dick for breakfast." Emmett spoke up out of the blue.

"Yeah, _Edward's_." I said vindictively. I almost apologized to Jane but then I remembered I didn't like her in the first place.

Emmett whistled. "Yeah Jake could you please remove the _forest_ from your ass."

I gripped the wheel tighter, but didn't respond to idiot Emmett.

"You won okay? Edward chose you. I was never even a possible option. It was always you. Talk about an unfair triangle."

I turned on the radio, but Emmett turned it off.

"Yo, this is my car."

"_Yo_, I'm talking to you." Emmett said.

Jane might as well not even be in the car right now. I took in a sharp breath. I was on edge. Once again I admitted it. But Emmett didn't help matters.

"I want Edward in my life. I've given up on being with him and besides you're right for him, and he's right for you. I'm not team Jacob but I know that Edward is. He's my friend Jake..." Emmett frowned. "But if you tell him to stop talking to me, I know he'll do it for you."

I glanced sideways at Emmett. "Don't you have _Rosalie_?"

Emmett snorted. "I'm swallowing all my pride here."

I smirked...that smirk betrayed me. _Fuck_.

"Bella gave me the cliff notes version of Spring Break because Edward won't talk about it that much to me. He needs friends, and he needs you...and even if I'm not his boyfriend it doesn't mean that I can just flip a switch to make me stop caring."

I turned on the radio and this time Emmett didn't stop me. "Jane, how much longer am I on here?" I asked.

She spoke so quietly that I had to turn down the music. After listening to _Take me Home Tonight _I turned the radio back down. A few hours ago Paul told me he was enlisting in the army...or he already did...I wasn't clear on that turn of events, and now Emmett was asking me to be friends with my boyfriend who was kind of missing.

Emmett wasn't a threat. And honestly who was I to prevent Edward from being friends with him...all that mattered was that Edward loved me...and I could deal with all the rest. Even if the rest was _Emmett_.

"We aren't friends Emmett. I doubt we ever will be. But I don't make decisions for Edward. If you're his friend..." I paused. "Then you're his friend and I respect that." Before he could respond I turned back up the music.

Maybe I didn't hate Emmett as much as I thought I did.

Along the way I stopped in Ellicott City for gas because the tank was a minute from being bone dry.

* * *

**Emmett POV**

Alice had said, "Please, don't leave her alone."

He drummed his hands on his jeans. Clearly something was wrong with her. He could see it in her eyes. She was far away and spacey. Emmett eyed Jacob in the store talking to the cashier. "I kinda feel like we're on a road trip, don't you?"

She smiled half-heartedly. The smile was broken.

Emmett's eyebrows furrowed and he shifted in his seat. "I know it's none of my business, but are you okay?"

Jane stared at him, right through him, and then she parted her lips. For a few moments her mouth just remained open, as the seconds and minutes blurred by and then she said. "I tried to kill myself today."

Emmett swallowed and all he could manage was an 'Oh,' he wasn't sure what to expect. But _that_, he wasn't expecting. She smiled somewhat pitifully to herself and then she looked down.

"Is that what Alice told you."

"No," Emmett said lowering his voice a little. "She said not to leave you alone."

Jane's eyes misted and she looked away.

Emmett watched as she pinched her arm. He thought about the doctor shows he used to watch with his dad. The shows were the patient was on the brink of death and the doctor had to think fast to bring them back. In a sense Emmett felt like she was flat lining. He owed nothing to Jane. But he understood what it was like to be so low...that for a moment a quick fix, whether that fix was drugs, sex, or death...felt like the only solution.

"Happiest memory." Emmett blurted out.

"_What_?" Jane said confused.

"You look anemic. You're zapping the life out of me. Happiest memory _dementor,_ don't think just say it..."

She smiled, "Harry Potter."

"What are you talking about? I haven't read those books." Emmett denied with a smile because he read all seven of the books to Austin and that was one of his happiest memories. When Jane showed no signs of life he snapped his fingers, "C'mon entertain me."

"Oh um...okay." She looked down at her hands over her knees. "Autumn in Long Island before the fire. Hot cider with cinnamon bark, my dad playing guitar horribly, my mom doing something crafty with paints, and Alec...sitting by the pond and flapping his arms like the doves were."

"I love hot cider with cinnamon bark." Emmett said rubbing his stomach.

"No you don't," Jane said looking at him this time and smiling despite herself. "I may be suicidal but I'm not an idiot. You delivered that line with the certainty of a seasoned SyFy movie actor."

Emmett laughed and so did Jane. She laughed for longer than he expected, gripping onto the passenger's seat, and squinting her eyes, as her mouth opened to let the melody flow from deep inside the cage of her chest. And he laughed, just because, he could tell she needed to laugh.

Jacob opened the door and slid back inside. He looked between them and he passed a bag of food to Emmett. "You guys can say I'm mean, but you can't say I starved ya'll."

Emmett ripped open the bag of pork rinds. "Fuck, I'm starved." He crunched loudly and passed the bag to Jane. "Have some Ambrosio."

"No thank you." Jane said.

"Jane," Jacob spoke up.

Emmett stopped eating. He was worried that Jake was going to lay into her.

"Do you think it's possible that Edward is there...at your house I mean."

"You need to hear yes," She spoke clearly now, mustering whatever strength she had left in her tiny body. "So I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. Yes, I think he could be at my house. I think he's okay. He would call you if he had his phone."

Jacob turned over in his seat. "One more thing. What's up with the Jekyll and Hyde act."

"Cracker Jacks!" Emmett exclaimed shaking the box. "I want the toy!"

Jacob cast Emmett a _salty_ look. "The very first time I met you you attacked me. And from what I know...you terrorized Alice Cullen...and I think you were the one that attacked her. Am I right?"

"_Jacob_." Emmett said.

"Just answer me Jane." Jacob persisted.

Jane reached for the bag of chips in Emmett's hands. "I'll have a huge headache in the morning anyways so why not?" She ate a few pork rinds. "I'm a wicked evil bitch who is so pathetic that I tried to force Jasper to love me." She shoved some more pork rinds into her mouth. "I knew I couldn't compete with Alice Cullen, just like you couldn't compete with Jacob...Emmett...I knew, but Jasper was so..." she ate some more pork rinds and her hands started to shake.

"Sometimes people wish for things out of their reach. Jasper was perfect. He was damaged and perfect and he saw something in me that made me feel special. He opened doors for me and spoke in this pretty southern accent and he said ma'am all the time." Jane laughed as a tear slid down her cheek. "I wanted him to fix me and love me, keep me for a while until I was all new and..." Her voice trailed off. "Alice took my dream. She took it and I wanted her to hurt for that, hurt like I hurt, but I didn't attack her..." Jane looked down. "I'm cruel but I'm not evil."

"I lost my parent's in a fire. They were burned to a crisp. I couldn't even recognize them...so why would I want to inflict physical damage on someone else...why would I want to make her black and blue...it would just remind me of my parents to a lesser degree...in pain and disfigured..."

_Heavy again_. Emmett rolled down the window.

Jacob reached in the bag and gave Jane a bag of gummy bears.

For some reason that made her cry.

"I'm sorry." Jacob said.

"Why are you saying sorry?" Jane murmured.

"Because I'm sorry I _forced_ you to tell me that." He shifted the car into reverse and backed out of the parking lot.

Jane opened the gummy bears, "I think it's better this way...even though it hurts. To just let it out." She reached forward and asked Emmett to hold out his hand. Jane poured some gummy bears into his palm. "You?" she asked Jacob.

He shook his head. "Can't eat until I find Edward."

"But I said he was okay." Jane reassured hollowly.

"I know." Jacob turned back on the radio. "But I need to kiss him and then I'll know he's okay."

* * *

**Jane POV **

"Alec is home," Jane said as Jacob pulled up by Alec's car.

"Sweet. Hopefully Edward is in there with him." Jacob opened the door.

"Wait," Jane said softly. "I'm going to go in first and tell Alec that you guys are coming in. He hates it when I just invite people over without telling him."

Emmett arched an eyebrow. "What is he your dad or something."

There was an edge of comedy to his voice, but the brief moment of humor they all had shared felt so far away. It took energy to laugh again, and she didn't want to bring anyone else down so she politely asked them to 'wait' and then got out of the car.

Her shoes clanked on the asphalt as she made her way up to the door. The lights were off and the woods surrounding the house was so silent. _Too silent_. Jane fumbled for her keys and let herself inside. "Alec?" she called.

She dropped her bag down in the direction of the stairs and almost slipped. Jane let out a frightened squeal as she fell down to the ground. "Oww!" she cried. She bit down hard on her cheek to remedy the pain shooting down her legs. _That was going to leave a bruis__e._ She steadied herself by holding onto the end table. Once she was back on her feet she called for her twin brother again.

"Alec, this isn't funny? Where are you." With a labored sigh Jane flipped on the light switch. Her eyes adjusted to the light. There was a box in the middle of the floor. A box full of her things. Her artwork. Her old cheerleading uniform from high school. A photo album that she made back when she and Rosalie were best friends.

Before Alec told her that Rosalie spread nasty rumors about her. He said Rosalie called her a psycho and even blamed her for starting the fire that killed their parents. The rumors had hurt so Jane had retaliated in a way that had surprised her. She served Rosalie back the same misery by telling the whole school that during sophomore year Rosalie battled with bulimia...something no one knew except for Jane.

Jane was about to walk over to the box in puzzlement, but the dampness on the floor commanded her attention. The floor was covered with red. Jane gasped and drew back against the door. Puddles of what looked like _blood_ led from the front door to the basement. "Alec!"

With her heart racing she carefully made her way down the stairs, completely forgetting about Emmett and Jacob waiting in the car for her. The basement, a place she didn't go to often was filled with Alec's things. His Edgar Allen Poe books, the cage of the snake he kept as a pet, his collection of his Swiss Army knives. There was junk everywhere. Old Machetes, Gay porn magazines and DVDs, various sexual toys, a chain? _What the hell?_ She placed her hand to her throat apprehensively.

Something was wrong. She knew it. The butterflies were fluttering around in her stomach, and the light blinking on and off at the bottom of the stairs didn't ease her worries. Her mind suddenly took a leap for the worst. What if Alec was in danger? What if someone else was in the house? What if someone was waiting for her at the bottom...no, she was just being crazy.

"Alec?" she called again. There was still no response. Jane paused to pick up a picture on the stairs, a picture of her and Alec with their parents. Alec had his arms wrapped around her, and their cheeks were pressed together, but someone had altered the picture and drew devil horns on her and wrote...FUCKING BITCH over her head. She swallowed hard. Did Alec do that?  
The pieces wouldn't fit inside her mind. Probably one of his friends did that. One of the many guys he brought over to the house. Yeah, it wasn't Alec. No. He wouldn't do that. But if he did...it was probably because she _was_ a bitch to him.

Once she got to the bottom step she peered around the corner and what she saw...there was no time to think, no time to scream. All she could do was run. Horror. That's what she felt. Ice cold and threatening. The scream was lodged in her throat as she ran over to him. "Edward!" she murmured.

She had to pinch herself. She was crazy. She was delusional. Maybe Uncle Aro did need to lock her up because this couldn't be real...Edward Cullen couldn't really be beaten black and blue and tied up with _rope _to a rocking chair. No, no, no. She was losing it, she was going crazy. Jane balled her fist to her mouth. Edward moaned.

The world stopped. She was frightened but she had to see if this was real or not. She had to at least touch him to make sure she wasn't having a psychotic break. Rain started to pound down on the windows, lightning flashed violently against the black night backdrop. Jane reached out with shaking hands and she touched Edward's skin. He made a whimpering noise...and that noise was all she needed to know this was _real._

She didn't allow herself to wonder why he was tied up down here. All she knew was that he was hurt. He was beaten badly, he lost a lot of blood...where was Alec? Did he do this...no, no, NO. He wouldn't hurt a fly...well...no. Jane shook her head trying to ignore reason. The reason that told her something was wrong when they were kids.

There was the mockingbird. And the gun he kept in his closet. And the dead rabbits he kept under his bed...but he had always been so sweet to her. He loved her. He was just different. Different but not evil.

The ropes were tied to tight. Edward whimpered again.

Jane stared back at him in horror. The thought of Jacob finding him like this ate away at her soul. He looked like how she imagined Jasper did after his father took out his aggression on him. Jane cried out because she couldn't get the knots out fast enough and an ugly gash on the side of Edward's head was bleeding.

The thunder crackled. That light at the end of the stairs swung back and forth. And the rain it beat down like a flood to end all floods was coming. Jane thought she heard slow and deliberate footsteps behind her but she thought it could just be her nerves.

"Hel..." Edward tried to speak.

"_Shh_," Jane pleaded. "You're okay, you're okay."

"You fucking traitor." His hands were on her the second he spoke. With brutal force he roughly pushed her out of the way. Jane went crashing into a mirror leaning against the wall. She groaned and her head collided with a bookshelf on her way down to the ground. Blood filled her mouth and a sharp ache of pain traveled throughout her body. She slowly raised her eyes to stare at her twin brother...but his face...it didn't look like him.

His eyes were hard and as lifeless as a zombie's. His mouth formed a thin line and as she stared back at him she couldn't see a brief trace of what made Alec her Alec. He was like a shell...somebody else was inside of his body. Jane's eyes darted between Alec and Edward. Her mind was still desperately trying to find some reason for this madness...but the longer he stared down at her, stoic, and indifferent, the harder it was to convince herself that he _wasn't _behind this.

"Alec?" her voice was shaking.

"Alec?" He mimicked in the same tone making an ugly face.

Jane's eyes glossed over. "Please don't mimic me."

"I hate you. You fucking dumb ugly stupid bitch."

Jane's eyes widened and she drew back a little. Her lips trembled and for a second she was completely speechless. Why was he talking to her this way. Edward whimpered again. Jane shot her eyes towards Edward and then slowly a paralyzing fear began to take over her. The kind of fear that was much worse than standing on a building...seconds away from taking your life. "Did you..." she swallowed. "Did you do that to him?"

Alec smiled a little and cast a glance at Edward. "You know what I think Jane? I think it's ridiculous how pretty he is. I mean a guy shouldn't be that pretty. No fucking wonder I couldn't compete with him." Alec kicked Edward in the knee. "He's ugly now right?"

Jane sucked in a mouthful of air. "Alec," she spoke measured to hide her alarm.

"_You_." He pointed at his sister. "You, were going to let him go."

"He needs to go to the hospital." Jane said.

"You need to mind your fucking business."

"What's wrong with you?" Jane stammered.

Alec snickered and he started to pace around. Jane's eyes darted around the place, looking for something. Just in case Alec tried to hurt Edward. She couldn't imagine striking her own brother, but something was wrong with him...whether it was drugs or...she didn't know. But something was wrong. As he paced around the room, Jane spotted a fire poker sitting up against the fireplace.

"What's wrong with me? What do you mean what's wrong with me." Alec stopped walking. And he walked over to her. "You should know the answer to that miss perfect."

Jane stared into his hard eyes.

"It was always your show Jane. Everyone always loved _you_ more than me."

"That's not true...you're..."

"I'm what..."

Jane swallowed and looked down.

"I'm what!" He yelled suddenly and he slammed his fist into the wall.

Jane screamed. "You're _deluded_!"

Alec pulled his hand back and licked his raw knuckles. "..With. ME." His eyebrows furrowed and his lips twisted in rage. "So now she tells me how she really feels. I always knew you thought you were better than me you fucking bitch."

"Alec, please." Jane quivered. "Edward..."

"Fuck Edward!" Alec shot up and grabbed Edward by his hair. "Why don't I do us all a favor and slit his fucking throat right now."

"Stop!" Jane cried standing up. "Please."

"Jane?" Emmett called from upstairs.

Alec's eyes shot towards the ceiling. And something registered in his eyes. It looked like pain...but that pain was gone in a phantom second. "Oh look, one of the whore's boyfriend's is looking for him." Alec smirked.

Jane inched towards the fire poker. There was a part of her that still believed this wasn't real...because it was too bizarre, but she was coming down from the cloud. _Alec was crazy_. The tragedy of admitting what she had always known underneath all the heartbreak was devastating, but she would have to deal with that later. She had to stand up. He was her twin brother. Her problem. Edward and Jacob's life was turned upside down because of them. She had to stop this...give these people back their lives...so she and Alec could get help.

Because they needed help...and now that her eyes were wide awake and open she understood the signs. The reason why her parent's shipped Alec away during the summer and not her, they said he was going to camp, but now all these years later...she wondered what _camp_ really meant.

"We're down here." Alec called calmly.

Jane's eyes widened in horror at the level tone in his voice.

"Jane," He turned around. "What are you doing?"

"I'm stopping you."

"_From_?" He asked as if irritated.

"Yourself." Jane picked up the fire poker and held it out towards him. "I don't want to hurt you."

He smiled back at her.

Jane blinked. "I don't want to hurt you Alec." She repeated. "Move away from Edward."

Just to test her, Alec placed his hand underneath Edward's chin and tilted his head back. He grinned like the Joker. A dog howled somewhere in the background and the thunder slammed like a car racing full speed into a tree. Jane jumped but she kept her poker level.

"What the fuck..." she heard Jacob say from upstairs.

"We're waiting boys!" Alec called like this was some kind of main attraction at a carnival.

"Alec!" Jane begged. "Move away from him."

When he refused to follow her orders Jane raised the fire poker, but she knew that she couldn't actually hit her brother.

"Jake...no..." Edward breathed. "Please. No."

Alec stepped away from Edward, Jane sighed in relief because she thought that Alec was going to listen to her, but instead of staying in sight he slipped into the bathroom. Her eyes darted from the stairs to the bathroom, the fire poker was shaking uncontrollably in her hands. _What was he doing in there?_

Jacob came down the stairs first followed by Emmett. Jane stood behind Edward, wide eyed and terrified with the fire poker in her hands. Jacob's expression gutted Jane. His eyes bulged from his head and his mouth dropped open to the floor. He ran towards Edward and dropped down to his knees. He was frantically telling Emmett to call 911. And his eyes were filled with tears, Jake was bawling, and tugging at the ropes. He didn't look at Jane...and all she could do was stand there and watch as Emmett struggled for his phone. Jacob pulled at the ropes and cried and Alec...came out of the bathroom with a rifle and pointed it right at Jacob's head.

Reality was a clock ticking by ever so slowly as she flung herself at her twin brother. She raised the fire poker, as his hand pressed down on the trigger. She screamed and Jacob's head shot towards Alec but it was too late.

Alec whirled the rifle in her direction and the room shook with a fury of sound. The fire poker clattered from her hand and Jane stumbled back into the wall. Pain shot through her stomach...it felt like her stomach was on fire. Tears welled in her eyes as she stared back at her brother...and then looked down at the crimson blood blooming like a flower on her dress. Jane's mouth gapped open and she cried out in pain. Tears fell down freely from her cheeks, dropping like crystals onto the hardwood floor.

She brought her shaking hands to her dress and she removed them, blood coated her fingertips. Jane dropped down to the ground, the pain magnified...blood poured from her body, and all she could do was cry and sob. She felt dizzy and disoriented. She couldn't stop crying. Weakly she gripped onto the floor. With effort she raised her eyes to look at Alec. "You..." she coughed up blood and cried harder. "You _shot_ me."

He stared back at her indifferently and then turned away the second Jacob rose.

"Alec?" she cried hoarsely. "Why...why did you shoot me_...why_."

He didn't respond.

She was beginning to weaken. Everything was shutting down. The pain, it was too much. Unbearable. But the sadness was worse. "Look at me." Jane cried. "I'm you're sister. I loved you. Why did you hurt me." With the next sob more blood came."

Emmett ran over to Jane, Alec stood back and trained the gun on him, but he didn't shoot him. Jane sobbed uncontrollably. Death was near. She could feel it in the way everything felt so far away. The lights...the storm...the pain...it was all getting so far away. As she sobbed Emmett huddled her in his arms. She could barely feel his touch...but she felt less pain.

"What the FUCK!" Emmett yelled as he cradled Jane's small body to him. "You just fucking shot your sister...you fucking..."

Through weak teary eyes Jane saw Alec point the gun at Emmett.

"She's not my sister. She hasn't been for some time. The truth is that I always hated her. I just used her...to get back at her. And I was the one that set the fire..."

Jane's eyes fluttered open and a choked sob came from her mouth.

"Stay with me Jane. Stay with me..." Emmett pleaded.

His hands squeezed hers.

Jane's weak eyes darted back and forth. "The fire...he set the..."

Emmett wrapped her up tighter. "You're okay, you're okay."

"I don't want die." Jane whispered. "I don't want to die..." she looked up at Emmett. "I'm scared. I'm so scared."

"Long Island." Emmett whispered shakily.

She was too weak to respond.

"Just think about Long Island..." she felt his tears on her cheek. And she wondered why it had to take this...this tragedy for her to realize that she wasn't in this alone...she was never alone. Jasper had always been there for her. Alice. And today she shared a laugh with Jacob and Emmett...and now...as the world was fading to black and everything was so sad...she felt happy...because she was dying...but she was dying in the arms of a friend. Someone who cared, someone who cried for her, someone who saw her as human.

Jane used the last reserve of energy to hold onto Emmett's hand as he talked about colorful autumns, hot cider with cinnamon bark...and she smiled. A warmness took over body. She felt no more pain or sadness. Just this feeling as if everything...everything was going to be okay.

Emmett planted a kiss down on her forehead and she relaxed in his arms to go to sleep. She heard her mom's voice ring in her ears like a gentle lullaby.

_Go to sleep angel. Go to sleep my angel. The sun will rise tomorrow. And if it doesn't...you and me will dance together in heaven. _

And she fell asleep to the sound of Emmett's heartbeat.

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